I don't have many hilarious stories (or at least none that would be funny outside of potty humor-enthusiasts) to tell about my time playing D&D, even though my brother, the best yet most twisted DM I ever had, was my DM for about three years, but I do recall the first adventure I ever undertook.
Mostly because it was the first adventure I ever undertook, and I was eight. It was exciting, nerve-wracking and incredibly frustrating, all at the same time.
I'd created a first level fighter by the name of Brawn (I was six or so when I made him and this was creative BRILLIANCE for me at the time).
My brother was reading a pre-made adventure for beginning fighters, and let me choose which direction I wanted to go in the very first room. North, East or West (since South was back outside). I went West.
That was when he frowned and told me I'd run into a Rust Monster. I thought I'd literally like turned the corner and bumped into it (which wasn't far off when I managed to look at where the rust monster was positioned in the room)
Again, I was young and had no concept of this beast. I knew what rust was and I could appoximate what a monster would look like, but even when my brother described it, all I could think of was a pile of living rust in the shape of a monster.
I, of course, attacked it, figuring my metal weapons would carve into it while my metal armor would protect me.
As anyone who knows what tactics to take against a rust monster knows, this is sheer stupidity.
Well, after I lost my sword and armor and was about to cry (again, I was just a kid and my very first fight was turning out to be a sh*tstorm of humiliation), my brother let me find a magic +1 sword and armor, that just happened to be identical to my previous gear, that the rust monster couldn't affect (stupid, I know, but this made him the coolest guy ever for a good while), and even gave me time to don the armor and pick up the sword. I nabbed it and went to kick the rust monster's butt.
That was when my brother decided to give me a taste of tough love, by having the Rust Monster use unorthodox tactics. After losing one of it's tentacles and a good portion of it's hit points, it managed to grab my ankle, heft me into the air and smash Brawn against the ground several times, and end by dropping Brawn on his head.
I temporarily lost a point of intelligence over that beating, but then I got up and stabbed it through the face.
Despite my victory and the epic nature of my very first battle, I wound up avoiding anything to do with the word "west" for most of the adventure.
I even had my character peeking into rooms to see if there were any more of those evil rust monsters.
I managed to complete the adventure rather well, even though I missed a solid portion of the possible treasure (the rust monster was genuinely guarding a room with a magic item and decent pile of coins) and I know I was being aided at least twice by my brother as every time I was critically low on HP, I find a healing potion.
But in the end, I enjoyed the adventure.
But now it nags at me: this adventure was rated for a single Level 1 FIGHTER.
How the HELL did something like a RUST MONSTER, which was nothing to f*ck around with even back then, wind up in an adventure where it would almost certainly spell death or ruination for an unwittingly player?
Seriously, this was bullsh*t. With a cruel and/or relentless DM, a beginner player could become pissed off with such a sudden and humiliating defeat, and quit playing the game entirely. It made no sense for there to be a RUST MONSTER in a BEGINNER's adventure.
I just have to wonder how many potential gamers got turned off by sh*t like that. :no: