ôUrashima Keitaro?ö said a distant voice, getting closer. ôI see you are awake.ö
Keitaro blinked as the pain from the bruises started to creep back up his nerves with a vengeance. His vision swam on the edge of darkness as a pinprick of light shot out of the abyss. A light at the end of a tunnel?
After what heÆs been through, Keitaro had a nasty feeling that said light at the end of the tunnel was anything but eternal peace. Now, a flamethrowerà.that seemed far more plausibleà
Everything slid into focus as the light intensified. He blinked again.
Keitaro, having gone through enough to shock a herd of elephants in one morning, was perhaps the last person to feel surprised or awed by much for the rest of his life. Indeed, the man before him didnÆt seem to be the type to inspire said emotions.
Rather, he seemed to have been born with the innate ability to inspire discomfort, even true fear, in the heart of hearts of those he met. Right now, Keitaro was receiving the full blast of said effects. ôY-Y-yesà.?ö He gurgled, his voice clinging, frightened, to the back of his throat as an adventurer would hang onto a gnarly root over a volcano.
ôItÆs good to see youÆre alive and well, at the present time.ö The man before him continued. There was a slight inflection to that last phrase, which told Keitaro that the length of the present time was entirely the gift of the speaker. The man was sitting opposite him, his hands steepled reflectively in front of his pursed lips. While many leaders, case-in-point; the Prime Minister; took on this pose in an attempt to inspire awe and respect in those they were dealing with, it was clearly not the case with this particular man. Rather, it seemed he was the very reason respect, awe and charisma were associated with said pose.
An ancient animal sense told Keitaro that other people were standing behind the comfortable chair he was in, and that it could be extremely uncomfortable should he make any sudden movements. But they couldnÆt be as terrible as the thin, black haired man, with the suspicious darkened glasses and long black sideburns extending down into a fussy beard, and thin pianistÆs hands, who was currently giving him all his attention.
ôMy name is Gendo Ikari, minister of homeland security.ö The man continued, his tones stressing that this introduction was not out of manners or politeness, rather, it was to make sure that Keitaro knew who exactly he was dealing with. There was something about the way he said his title that made it clear that he had used small letters instead of the usual capitals the other ministers would use, as if his station had no bearing at all to himself as a man.
àIf he was a man. Right now, if somebody drooling at the mouth told him this man was a demon king in disguise, Keitaro would believe it wholeheartedly.
ôMyà.colleaguesàö He said, with a slight distaste over the choice of words, as if reluctant to be grouped with the rest of the system, ôà.believe we should do our best to take care of you, you being our golden insurance boy.ö Something about the way he said it made it clear that he did not agree with said æcolleaguesÆ, especially with the part about taking care of Keitaro.
ôI will make this as brief and concise as possible.ö He continued. ôOur department of Foreign Affairs has decided that in order to prevent the breakout of a war between Japan and MolMol, we must make sure that Kaolla Suu bears your child within the next 9 months.ö He said, looking at Keitaro over the top of his darkened glasses.
ôAhà.ö Keitaro opened his mouth to protest, but thought better of it and shut it just in time, just as Gendo raised one eyebrow.
ôNo problems? Good. The other issue is that ofàahà.forming a harem.ö The dark man said, with the air of one simply shuffling about annoying paperwork, without bothering to hide that the shredder was more than just a prospect. ôThe Minister of Foreign Affairs had gone on at length about the possibility of having it be a special diplomatic corps to MolMol, allowing all sorts of benefits and things.ö He sighed. The man actually sighed. Perhaps out of frustration or exasperation, as if the trivialties of humans annoyed him like flies at a picnic. ôHe had suggested we form a harem made up of specialists in fields that would benefit this diplomatic mission, namely an intel agent, a diplomat, a trades expertà..ö He paused, noticing the face Keitaro was making. ôIs there a problem, Urashima? If you need the restroom, you need only ask.ö There was more than just a suggestion that fly swatters were amongst the goodies packed in the picnic basket.
ôErrà.itÆs just thatà.uhàIàö Keitaro paused. Well, there was no better way to phrase this. He gulped before ploughing on. ôIà.I have no experience with girlsà.ö He finally finished.
ôUrashima, this morning you had no experience at all of being dead, and, but for some sort of divine intervention, you would nevertheless have proved extremely good at it.ö Gendo said, sharply (the serated edge kind of sharp). ôIt just goes to prove, you never know until you try. Oh, and I might add that should you turn down this generous offer youÆll be given the pleasure of gaining more experience at dying.ö
What?! This was the minister of homeland security. He canÆt go around threatening people. Before he could stop himself, Keitaro voiced this sentiment. ôA-Are you threatening me?ö
To his utmost surprise, Gendo broke a smile. It wasnÆt a pleasant smile. It was a rather thin one that didnÆt extend up to his eyes. ôWhy, yes, I am, Urashima. How observant of you. Any more questions?ö He asked, as if daring Keitaro to tightrope across a flaming volcano.
Keitaro somehow found his neck muscles doing the thinking for him as he slowly shook his head, said muscles snapping out of tension in the process.
ôGood. You might be happy to know that IÆve personally handpicked a candidate or two to represent our ministry.ö Gendo said, staring at Keitaro fixedly, as if daring him to be anything but happy about said prospect.
Was he supposed to be happy?
KeitaroÆs survival instincts kicked in and managed a watery sort of smile. Yes, he was as happy as could be.
ôUhàahà.thank you, siràö He croaked.
ôI imagine the other ministers also have candidates in mind. This is, after all, a major undertaking. You should be proud to be the very centre of it.ö Gendo said. Keitaro almost noticed him rolling his eyes behind the smoked shades. ôWell, thatÆs all. For now at least.ö Gendo finished, with a final tone that suggested nails slamming home in a coffin. ôYou will be meeting the rest of the cabinet in 5 minutes.ö
A heavy silence descended upon the room as Gendo spared Keitaro his attention as he turned to look down at the paperwork on his desk. Keitaro, fearing that any movement on his part may culminate in it being the last thing he ever did.
Finally, after a good 2 highly uncomfortable minutes, Gendo looked back up at him. ôYou appear to still be here, Urashima. I told you, the cabinet wishes to meet the golden boy. Or would you rather spend the rest of the day with me?ö
Keitaro abruptly shot out of the chair, so quickly that he (cut off)
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ôTherefore, our current objective is to get Kaolla Suu pregnant and to get Keitaro-san a proper harem.ö The Prime Minister finished. ôAny questions?ö
One hand raised tentatively into the air from amongst the blank faces gathered around the table.
ôYes, errà.Keitaro-san?ö The Prime Minister asked, though he had a feeling he already knew what the question was going to be.
Keitaro took a deep breath before asking, ôYes. Why me?ö
ôBecause youÆre the dorm manager.ö The Prime Minister said. ôYou are JapanÆs only hope, is that understood?ö
Keitaro muttered something imcomprehensible before lapsing back into silence.
ôIÆve got a priestÆs phone number on speed dial if you need one.ö The Minister of Domestic Affairs whispered aside to Keitaro in the friendly manner newbie jail wardens would put up towards condemned prisoners.
ôAlsoàö The Prime Minister continued, ôOur analysts have completed their analysis of the KingÆs preferences in harem members and weÆve decided to make sure your harem matches his exact preferencesà.we can never be too sure, can we?ö He gave Keitaro a wan smile, mostly for encouragement, but it somehow achieved the opposite effect. ôWell, errà.ö He ploughed on valiantly as he read the report, ôapparently heÆs not too picky. Young, beautiful, so and so sizesà.all that jive.ö
æThe governmentÆs sorting out haremsà.Æ Mitsune sighed inwardly. æJapan might as well be dead alreadyàÆ
ôWell, obviously, the first members of this harem would be Kaolla Suu and this NaruNaru person.ö The Minister of Domestic Affairs said, before he could stop himself. Upon noticing that that the other faces had winced rather horribly and were doing their best to shift away from him, he couldnÆt help but ask, ôSomething wrong? By the way, I heard somebody tried to assassinate Keitaro-sanà.errrà.ö Instinct kicked in. ôSheÆs behind me, isnÆt she?ö
ôWho gave YOU permission to decide things like that?!ö The scream permeated the room, accompanied by a loud crash and what could only be described as a rather painful crack. Everyone else chose to remain quiet in case they attracted unwanted attention.
ôUnfortunately, Narusegawa-sanàö The Prime Minister, against all logical reason, began. The JDF soldiers (the more experienced ones who had survived the liberation of Urashima Keitaro, particularly) immediately clustered around the Prime Minister. ôThe King has assumed youÆre part of the haremà.thus youÆre part of it.ö He said, steepling his fingers in front of his face. More experienced leaders have learnt to dispense with that, particularly because the broken fingers (when the opponent decides to upturn the table) arenÆt normally worth the small boost in charisma.
The table was upturned.
ôWell then, Keitaro-san, according to the Minister of Foreign Affairsà.ö The Minister of Education began, having taken the initiative to save all the reports he had on the desk just before it capsized on top of the Prime Minister. ôA decent-sized harem would be around 20-ish. A bit less than the KingÆs, just so that you donÆt seem superior, but not a low enough number such that youÆd seemàerrràless manly in his eyes.ö He coughed eloquently.
The Minister of Foreign Affairs was looking at the ceiling, apparently mesmerized by how boring it was. KeitaroÆs stare was left unnoticed. For the first time ever since it was made everyone noticed how heavy the ornate mahogany meeting table was, particularly the JSDF soldiers trying to lift it.
ôShouldnÆt be too difficult to find, say, 18 girls willing to marry a prince-to-be.ö The Minister of Health said. ôWe already have a list of all the eligible girls in Japan and weÆve already filtered them out according to the harem profile provided.ö He said, beaming at the rest of the group as if proud of his own efficiency.
ôCut it down to 16.ö Haruka said. ôWeÆve already gotten two volunteers.ö She flipped the harem profile report before giving Mitsune and Motoko diamond-edged gazes.
ôB-butà (cut off)
