Here's the first 4 pages I've written. Comments welcome. This is mostly an exercise on characterization for me. Dialogue and setting are too easy for me. My big problem as a writer are characters.
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GWHK Chapter 1
ôIs he okay?ö asked Naru anxiously. The news of the accident a month earlier while on a trip to Africa had initially frightened the Hinata residents, but faith in KeitaroÆs immortality had quickly relieved them, all except a strangely silent Su Kaolla. Over the following week fat letters covered in brightly colored stamps containing pictures from Africa and a cheerful bandaged Keitaro at some native ceremonies, painted face and chest. Then more letters and pictures from a hospital bed. Then the phone call two weeks ago from a doctor in Mombasa. That had finally gotten through their optimism. HarukaÆs expression faltered as she listened and a choked up response, requesting information and permission for some medical procedure. A flurry of phone calls to KeitaroÆs parents and finally, a week later a sense of relief. He was improving. He was out of danger.
ôHeÆs coming home. But heÆs weak, too weak to walk at the moment. The doctor says returning to Japan for extended recuperation will do him the most good. I talked to his parents and theyÆve agreed to pay for his plane ticket and grandma Hina is going to pay for his medical bills. ItÆs a lot of money but thatÆs not important. The important thing is heÆs coming home alive.ö
ôIdiot. He would get himself attacked by a lion, stupid idiot,ö snarled Naru, transparent and conflicted as ever. Shinobu gave her a look of disdain, matched by a blanching Motoko.
ôNaru, you must understand that heÆs weak and will DIE if you treat him like you usually do. You canÆt hit him. None of you can hit him. No kicks to the head, no Naru Punches, no Rock Splitting Sword. Do you understand? All of you?ö she glared at each one of the girls. Each slowly nodded. ôYou could kill him. HeÆs like glass right now. Fragile. Remember that. If you all take care of him his strength may return.ö
Two days later Haruka used SetaÆs van to pick up Keitaro at the airport. Wheeled in with a blanket over his legs and an IV bag, smelling of weird antiseptics and other bad smells he was greeted by the residents in the foyer. Naru blinked back tears and pretended to be angry. Keitaro looked anemic and rolled his head like his was dizzy. Sweating despite the relatively cooler air of the apartment he managed a weak smile and a hoarse hello.
ôHave you eaten?ö asked Shinobu. He shook his head no so they sat at the table together. She offered him some tea and miso soup, and they gradually worked their way through a light feast of various leftovers. Over the first few hours his color showed rapid improvement and more genuine smiles came out as each of the girls chatted with him, taking turns describing what theyÆd been up to while he was gone.
ôWeÆre glad youÆre home, Urashima,ö said Motoko after a long pause. She bowed slightly in respect from her seat. Her look was not the same he was used to seeing from her, more measured and less accusatory. Naru was Naru, sad to say.
ôJust how did you manage to get in a fight with a lion, Keitaro?ö she finally blurted out.
Keitaro laughed uncomfortably, looking around at the now interested faces. ôWell, I suppose this IS the best time to tell you. I wonÆt have to repeat it if I do it this way. Okay.ö He took a good deep breath, composed himself, took a quick sip of green tea before nodding once more.
ôAfrica is a dangerous place. Its not a big furry Neverland theme park. Seta and the expedition went to Kenya to unearth a ruin believed to be part of the ancient Turtle civilization. He asked me to come along and so I did. Just getting there was an adventure, and there were lots of hassles to deal with. Bandits, human slave traders, slums, all sorts of immunizations were required before we could even leave the capital city of Nairobi. We flew into Mombasa, then took a train to Nairobi. It was a week more of permits and hiring porters and trucks and guards before we managed to get into motion for the dig site.ö
ôI donÆt understand, why were you attacked?ö asked Shinobu.
ôWell, it seems that Kenya wonÆt allow people to protect themselves from attack by lions. If you kill one without a permit they put you in jail for a dozen years. They wonÆt even let you have a gun capable of killing game if youÆre in a park. Its an unpopular decision but itÆs the law there. I was following a lead and wandered a hundred yards from the dig trying to survey a temple wall and wasnÆt watching where I was going. A lion leapt out of the grass. It knocked me down, then sank its teeth into my left shoulder and missed my jugular by inches, clawed my back,ö described Keitaro. Motoko and Su both winced and Shinobu gasped in fear.
ôI hit him in the snout with the spear I was carrying so he released me for a second. Then he was on me again, clawed my back and sank his teeth into my left leg to try and drag me off for dinner. It hurt so badly that I couldnÆt really understand the pain, like it was happening to someone else and I felt more and more numb. I knew this was it, I was going to die if I didnÆt do something. So I stabbed the spear into the lionÆs neck and pushed as hard as I could until I passed out. A short time later I was awoken by the guards shouting over me, and Seta yelling for the first aid kit. The lion was dead at my feet. They told me later the spearpoint severed its spine and killed it almost instantly. We had no camp doctor so he bandaged me up as best he could so I could be taken to a hospital. At this point it was starting to hurt, so I was given morphine and loaded into one of the land rovers for a rough 80 kilometer journey to the nearest hospital, in Masai territory,ö he explained. Naru looked pretty green and all the girls showed their tension.
ôThe local tribesmen found out IÆd killed a lion with a spear, so they got pretty excited. The doctor who treated me was worried so gave me intravenous antibiotics and spent hours cleaning and irrigating my wounds. If I wasnÆt on morphine I was screaming my head off from the pain. But I DID get better and the wounds started to heal, though IÆm still in pain now. The Masai chief met me during one of my lucid periods and Seta visited me every few days to see how I was doing. He told me that Masai are required by tribal law to kill a lion with a spear in single combat in order to become a man. Due to current laws in Kenya, the practice was now illegal which made things sad for his people. He said that if I wasnÆt so badly injured in the hospital that IÆd be in jail for breaking the law and hurting one of the governmentÆs precious man eating lions. They even snuck me out of the clinic for a big gathering of the tribe and presented me with the garments and honors of moran, the rite of manhood. It was a ceremonial offer but it really touched me. I was presented with the Masai lance, the clothes and beads of a warrior, and the tribal flag. There were lots of pictures taken by the local newspapers and the BBC interviewed me, though they spent more time talking to the chief,ö said Keitaro. He looked kind of glum about that, actually.
ôAfterwards, my bloodwork showed I was still dealing with an infection, which suddenly worsened. I guess that I shouldnÆt have left the hospital. They transferred me to a tourist hospital in Mombasa out of the coast, where there are better doctors and higher tech equipment. Apparently, lionÆs claws and teeth are full of some deadly bacteria thanks to eating only meat and carrion. They canÆt exactly brush their teeth. Anyone who gets bitten or scratched by a lion has a strong risk of dying from infection. I eventually got bad enough to require ICU while the infection peakedà I almost died,ö he finally said. The girls were silent, looking guilty.
ôIÆve gradually gotten better but I AM getting better. I hope you all can bear with me. I feel better just being here and seeing you all again. When the lion was on me I wasnÆt sure I would see you again, and I didnÆt want to die just yet,ö he said, looking meaningfully at Naru, who missed his gaze while thinking guilty thoughts.
ôIÆll be sure to feed you properly, Sempai,ö volunteered Shinobu.
ôWeÆll keep looking after the Hinata for you, Urashima,ö insisted Motoko. Naru and Kitsune nodded agreement.
ôThe doctor will see you later this afternoon, Keitaro. Remember to be ready for your appointment. WeÆve got about two hours before we need to leave,ö reminded Haruka.
ôWhoÆs minding the Hinata Tea House, Aunt Haruka?ö asked Keitaro thoughtlessly. She grimaced and started the backswing to swat him then forcibly stopped herself.
ôItsà Haruka, nephew. Just Haruka, please. Kentaro and a couple other employees are running the shop today. You can come by later if youÆre up for it.ö
ôMaybe another day, when IÆm on my feet.ö
ôAs you wish.ö
The girls each thanked him for the story and wished him well before drifting off to do their other things, leaving only Su staring at him curiously.
ôI missed you Keitaro,ö she said in her eternally cheerful sing-song voice.
ôI missed you too, Kaolla,ö he said, smiling gently to the eccentric gaijin inventor. ôIÆm glad to see youÆve been keeping busy while IÆve been gone.ö
ôHaruka said I canÆt play with you anymore unless you get better.ö
ôYes, that might be true. IÆm not as indestructible as I used to be,ö he chuckled, moving his arm up as if to scratch the back of his head before wincing in pain. Even after a month, he was still injured and stiff in strange places.
ôDid you know that in MolMol, my people have a rite similar to the masai, only this rite is not for manhood so much as to prove the right to speak on matters of great importance. Father and mothers would be impressed. I am impressed. I am also glad you survived. Many of the men of my people who want a voice in our politics risk the sacred rite and do not pass. Some run and are banished from the kingdom. Some die in the attempt. Big brother survived. Father survived. The generals all survived the ritual. If you came to our country, the council would allow you to speak.ö
ôWow, your people make you risk your life to have an opinion on politics?ö asked Keitaro. She nodded solemnly.
ôI have also passed this test, as has my sister Amalla. ThatÆs why she has a pet alligator. I tamed a tiger,ö she stated factually.
ôYou did, huh? WhereÆs your tiger now?ö he asked doubtfully but smiling. She met his gaze evenly, betraying a substantial maturity he never suspected of Su.
ôIn the palace gardens. It wouldnÆt be safe or practical to bring him here.ö Su sighed. ôYou have my respect Keitaro. I never would have expected you to survive a lion attack, much less kill one with a spear. It is very Manly. I think Motoko is even more in love with you than before,ö she dropped as an aside. Keitaro started, eyeÆs panicked at the mention of Motoko and Love in the same sentence. His momentary confusion ceased as he caught SuÆs expression.
ôKaolla-chan, for the last few years weÆve lived together in the Hinata youÆre invented some amazing things. IÆve seen labs staffed by dozens of people that arenÆt half as successful or advanced as what you do in your rooms. Just how smart are you?ö asked Keitaro finally. Su looked sad at his question.
ôPlease donÆt ask me that, Keitaro. I donÆt want to be treated like a freak. IÆm a girl who wants a normal life, normal friends, a childhood,ö she admitted glumly. It was so unlike her to talk this way, the usual boundless energy gone as if it had never been.
ôThatÆs why you live here, isnÆt it, Kaolla-chan?ö asked Keitaro, observing her squirm.
ôYes. Grandma Hina knew of my plight and allowed me to stay here. The Hinata is my refuge. Japan is a good place for me. I am second Princess of MolMol. IÆm not some party favor to married off for political power. I want to contribute to my people through technology. ThatÆs why I risked my life, to earn the right to my own future, and earn the right to come here. IÆm not a pawn, this way.ö
ôI understand, Kaolla. YouÆve never told anyone about this, have you?ö asked Keitaro.
ôNot exactly. I told Grandma Hina when I first arrived, and Motoko after we learned about your attack.ö
ôI see. Thank you for sharing yourself with meà Doà you want to be friends?ö he finally asked.
ôIÆm sorry IÆve always treated you so roughly, Keitaro. I admit it was fun to have a punching bag that I couldnÆt actually hurt. Your immortality is part of your charm,ö she admitted. ôYes, IÆd like to be friends. Grownup friends,ö she corrected.
ôYou know I canÆt be your boyfriend, right?ö he asked, momentarily suspicious.
ôThat remains to be seen, Keitaro,ö she teased, suddenly a giggling girl once more. ôSee ya laters,ö she shouted over her shoulder as she bounced out of the room, startling Shinobu to the sound of crashing dishes.
ôKeii-tarr-OOO!ö shouted Naru, booming footfalls approaching like an oncoming train. He winced from his wheelchair, waiting for impending pain. Suddenly it stopped.
ôWell, where is he?!ö demanded her voice from the hallway. ShinobuÆs voice stuttered, finally admitting it was Su.
ôSUUU!!ö she shouted, pelting off down the hall toward her rooms. Various jungle noises, explosions, and mechanical shrieking followed shouts from Naru at battle. Moments later Shinobu reappeared, flushed and embarrassed.
ôSorry, Sempai,ö she bowed, then returned to the kitchen. Keitaro finally shook his head in amazement.
ôIts good to be home.ö
END part 1.
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GWHK Chapter 1
ôIs he okay?ö asked Naru anxiously. The news of the accident a month earlier while on a trip to Africa had initially frightened the Hinata residents, but faith in KeitaroÆs immortality had quickly relieved them, all except a strangely silent Su Kaolla. Over the following week fat letters covered in brightly colored stamps containing pictures from Africa and a cheerful bandaged Keitaro at some native ceremonies, painted face and chest. Then more letters and pictures from a hospital bed. Then the phone call two weeks ago from a doctor in Mombasa. That had finally gotten through their optimism. HarukaÆs expression faltered as she listened and a choked up response, requesting information and permission for some medical procedure. A flurry of phone calls to KeitaroÆs parents and finally, a week later a sense of relief. He was improving. He was out of danger.
ôHeÆs coming home. But heÆs weak, too weak to walk at the moment. The doctor says returning to Japan for extended recuperation will do him the most good. I talked to his parents and theyÆve agreed to pay for his plane ticket and grandma Hina is going to pay for his medical bills. ItÆs a lot of money but thatÆs not important. The important thing is heÆs coming home alive.ö
ôIdiot. He would get himself attacked by a lion, stupid idiot,ö snarled Naru, transparent and conflicted as ever. Shinobu gave her a look of disdain, matched by a blanching Motoko.
ôNaru, you must understand that heÆs weak and will DIE if you treat him like you usually do. You canÆt hit him. None of you can hit him. No kicks to the head, no Naru Punches, no Rock Splitting Sword. Do you understand? All of you?ö she glared at each one of the girls. Each slowly nodded. ôYou could kill him. HeÆs like glass right now. Fragile. Remember that. If you all take care of him his strength may return.ö
Two days later Haruka used SetaÆs van to pick up Keitaro at the airport. Wheeled in with a blanket over his legs and an IV bag, smelling of weird antiseptics and other bad smells he was greeted by the residents in the foyer. Naru blinked back tears and pretended to be angry. Keitaro looked anemic and rolled his head like his was dizzy. Sweating despite the relatively cooler air of the apartment he managed a weak smile and a hoarse hello.
ôHave you eaten?ö asked Shinobu. He shook his head no so they sat at the table together. She offered him some tea and miso soup, and they gradually worked their way through a light feast of various leftovers. Over the first few hours his color showed rapid improvement and more genuine smiles came out as each of the girls chatted with him, taking turns describing what theyÆd been up to while he was gone.
ôWeÆre glad youÆre home, Urashima,ö said Motoko after a long pause. She bowed slightly in respect from her seat. Her look was not the same he was used to seeing from her, more measured and less accusatory. Naru was Naru, sad to say.
ôJust how did you manage to get in a fight with a lion, Keitaro?ö she finally blurted out.
Keitaro laughed uncomfortably, looking around at the now interested faces. ôWell, I suppose this IS the best time to tell you. I wonÆt have to repeat it if I do it this way. Okay.ö He took a good deep breath, composed himself, took a quick sip of green tea before nodding once more.
ôAfrica is a dangerous place. Its not a big furry Neverland theme park. Seta and the expedition went to Kenya to unearth a ruin believed to be part of the ancient Turtle civilization. He asked me to come along and so I did. Just getting there was an adventure, and there were lots of hassles to deal with. Bandits, human slave traders, slums, all sorts of immunizations were required before we could even leave the capital city of Nairobi. We flew into Mombasa, then took a train to Nairobi. It was a week more of permits and hiring porters and trucks and guards before we managed to get into motion for the dig site.ö
ôI donÆt understand, why were you attacked?ö asked Shinobu.
ôWell, it seems that Kenya wonÆt allow people to protect themselves from attack by lions. If you kill one without a permit they put you in jail for a dozen years. They wonÆt even let you have a gun capable of killing game if youÆre in a park. Its an unpopular decision but itÆs the law there. I was following a lead and wandered a hundred yards from the dig trying to survey a temple wall and wasnÆt watching where I was going. A lion leapt out of the grass. It knocked me down, then sank its teeth into my left shoulder and missed my jugular by inches, clawed my back,ö described Keitaro. Motoko and Su both winced and Shinobu gasped in fear.
ôI hit him in the snout with the spear I was carrying so he released me for a second. Then he was on me again, clawed my back and sank his teeth into my left leg to try and drag me off for dinner. It hurt so badly that I couldnÆt really understand the pain, like it was happening to someone else and I felt more and more numb. I knew this was it, I was going to die if I didnÆt do something. So I stabbed the spear into the lionÆs neck and pushed as hard as I could until I passed out. A short time later I was awoken by the guards shouting over me, and Seta yelling for the first aid kit. The lion was dead at my feet. They told me later the spearpoint severed its spine and killed it almost instantly. We had no camp doctor so he bandaged me up as best he could so I could be taken to a hospital. At this point it was starting to hurt, so I was given morphine and loaded into one of the land rovers for a rough 80 kilometer journey to the nearest hospital, in Masai territory,ö he explained. Naru looked pretty green and all the girls showed their tension.
ôThe local tribesmen found out IÆd killed a lion with a spear, so they got pretty excited. The doctor who treated me was worried so gave me intravenous antibiotics and spent hours cleaning and irrigating my wounds. If I wasnÆt on morphine I was screaming my head off from the pain. But I DID get better and the wounds started to heal, though IÆm still in pain now. The Masai chief met me during one of my lucid periods and Seta visited me every few days to see how I was doing. He told me that Masai are required by tribal law to kill a lion with a spear in single combat in order to become a man. Due to current laws in Kenya, the practice was now illegal which made things sad for his people. He said that if I wasnÆt so badly injured in the hospital that IÆd be in jail for breaking the law and hurting one of the governmentÆs precious man eating lions. They even snuck me out of the clinic for a big gathering of the tribe and presented me with the garments and honors of moran, the rite of manhood. It was a ceremonial offer but it really touched me. I was presented with the Masai lance, the clothes and beads of a warrior, and the tribal flag. There were lots of pictures taken by the local newspapers and the BBC interviewed me, though they spent more time talking to the chief,ö said Keitaro. He looked kind of glum about that, actually.
ôAfterwards, my bloodwork showed I was still dealing with an infection, which suddenly worsened. I guess that I shouldnÆt have left the hospital. They transferred me to a tourist hospital in Mombasa out of the coast, where there are better doctors and higher tech equipment. Apparently, lionÆs claws and teeth are full of some deadly bacteria thanks to eating only meat and carrion. They canÆt exactly brush their teeth. Anyone who gets bitten or scratched by a lion has a strong risk of dying from infection. I eventually got bad enough to require ICU while the infection peakedà I almost died,ö he finally said. The girls were silent, looking guilty.
ôIÆve gradually gotten better but I AM getting better. I hope you all can bear with me. I feel better just being here and seeing you all again. When the lion was on me I wasnÆt sure I would see you again, and I didnÆt want to die just yet,ö he said, looking meaningfully at Naru, who missed his gaze while thinking guilty thoughts.
ôIÆll be sure to feed you properly, Sempai,ö volunteered Shinobu.
ôWeÆll keep looking after the Hinata for you, Urashima,ö insisted Motoko. Naru and Kitsune nodded agreement.
ôThe doctor will see you later this afternoon, Keitaro. Remember to be ready for your appointment. WeÆve got about two hours before we need to leave,ö reminded Haruka.
ôWhoÆs minding the Hinata Tea House, Aunt Haruka?ö asked Keitaro thoughtlessly. She grimaced and started the backswing to swat him then forcibly stopped herself.
ôItsà Haruka, nephew. Just Haruka, please. Kentaro and a couple other employees are running the shop today. You can come by later if youÆre up for it.ö
ôMaybe another day, when IÆm on my feet.ö
ôAs you wish.ö
The girls each thanked him for the story and wished him well before drifting off to do their other things, leaving only Su staring at him curiously.
ôI missed you Keitaro,ö she said in her eternally cheerful sing-song voice.
ôI missed you too, Kaolla,ö he said, smiling gently to the eccentric gaijin inventor. ôIÆm glad to see youÆve been keeping busy while IÆve been gone.ö
ôHaruka said I canÆt play with you anymore unless you get better.ö
ôYes, that might be true. IÆm not as indestructible as I used to be,ö he chuckled, moving his arm up as if to scratch the back of his head before wincing in pain. Even after a month, he was still injured and stiff in strange places.
ôDid you know that in MolMol, my people have a rite similar to the masai, only this rite is not for manhood so much as to prove the right to speak on matters of great importance. Father and mothers would be impressed. I am impressed. I am also glad you survived. Many of the men of my people who want a voice in our politics risk the sacred rite and do not pass. Some run and are banished from the kingdom. Some die in the attempt. Big brother survived. Father survived. The generals all survived the ritual. If you came to our country, the council would allow you to speak.ö
ôWow, your people make you risk your life to have an opinion on politics?ö asked Keitaro. She nodded solemnly.
ôI have also passed this test, as has my sister Amalla. ThatÆs why she has a pet alligator. I tamed a tiger,ö she stated factually.
ôYou did, huh? WhereÆs your tiger now?ö he asked doubtfully but smiling. She met his gaze evenly, betraying a substantial maturity he never suspected of Su.
ôIn the palace gardens. It wouldnÆt be safe or practical to bring him here.ö Su sighed. ôYou have my respect Keitaro. I never would have expected you to survive a lion attack, much less kill one with a spear. It is very Manly. I think Motoko is even more in love with you than before,ö she dropped as an aside. Keitaro started, eyeÆs panicked at the mention of Motoko and Love in the same sentence. His momentary confusion ceased as he caught SuÆs expression.
ôKaolla-chan, for the last few years weÆve lived together in the Hinata youÆre invented some amazing things. IÆve seen labs staffed by dozens of people that arenÆt half as successful or advanced as what you do in your rooms. Just how smart are you?ö asked Keitaro finally. Su looked sad at his question.
ôPlease donÆt ask me that, Keitaro. I donÆt want to be treated like a freak. IÆm a girl who wants a normal life, normal friends, a childhood,ö she admitted glumly. It was so unlike her to talk this way, the usual boundless energy gone as if it had never been.
ôThatÆs why you live here, isnÆt it, Kaolla-chan?ö asked Keitaro, observing her squirm.
ôYes. Grandma Hina knew of my plight and allowed me to stay here. The Hinata is my refuge. Japan is a good place for me. I am second Princess of MolMol. IÆm not some party favor to married off for political power. I want to contribute to my people through technology. ThatÆs why I risked my life, to earn the right to my own future, and earn the right to come here. IÆm not a pawn, this way.ö
ôI understand, Kaolla. YouÆve never told anyone about this, have you?ö asked Keitaro.
ôNot exactly. I told Grandma Hina when I first arrived, and Motoko after we learned about your attack.ö
ôI see. Thank you for sharing yourself with meà Doà you want to be friends?ö he finally asked.
ôIÆm sorry IÆve always treated you so roughly, Keitaro. I admit it was fun to have a punching bag that I couldnÆt actually hurt. Your immortality is part of your charm,ö she admitted. ôYes, IÆd like to be friends. Grownup friends,ö she corrected.
ôYou know I canÆt be your boyfriend, right?ö he asked, momentarily suspicious.
ôThat remains to be seen, Keitaro,ö she teased, suddenly a giggling girl once more. ôSee ya laters,ö she shouted over her shoulder as she bounced out of the room, startling Shinobu to the sound of crashing dishes.
ôKeii-tarr-OOO!ö shouted Naru, booming footfalls approaching like an oncoming train. He winced from his wheelchair, waiting for impending pain. Suddenly it stopped.
ôWell, where is he?!ö demanded her voice from the hallway. ShinobuÆs voice stuttered, finally admitting it was Su.
ôSUUU!!ö she shouted, pelting off down the hall toward her rooms. Various jungle noises, explosions, and mechanical shrieking followed shouts from Naru at battle. Moments later Shinobu reappeared, flushed and embarrassed.
ôSorry, Sempai,ö she bowed, then returned to the kitchen. Keitaro finally shook his head in amazement.
ôIts good to be home.ö
END part 1.
