[Iron Fic 5-6] Never Enough Gold [Neverwinter Nights]

frostdragonz

Well-Known Member
#1
I had a dream.

It was a wonderful dream of a Golden Age of Neverwinter.

I had it all figured out all those years ago.

Fresh out of training at the Temple of Torm, I was a idealistic Paladin given my first mission. It was a simple mission to patrol the outskirts of the city and dispatch of any unsavory creatures on my own.

My superiors told me that the Order of Torm was low on funds so they would only be able to provide me with a choice of weapon,but no armor. I would have protested, but they told me they believed me to be skilled and competent enough to do without armor and that I would be able to acquire armor in the field if I really did need any.

I was delighted that I was viewed as competent and skilled enough to patrol on my own as well as being skilled enough to acquire my own armor in the field. It had not even been an hour into my patrol that I came across a group of goblins attempting to raid a farmhouse.

I drew my longsword and struck one of the goblins from behind it never stood a chance. I struck two more on the side before the other three realized they were being attacked.

The three goblins left were on their guard now. They charged at me and made wild and reckless swings. I easily got out of the way and knew that their own advantage was their numbers. So I struck them down one by one separating them as they charged at me.

While I was looting their corpses I heard footsteps. It seemed the commotion of battle had roused the farmers. I was greeted by the sight of a young woman.

"Oh brave Sir Knight, have you by chance seen my husband?"

"I'm sorry, but I have not seen anyone on my patrol today."

"Oh, I see." The young woman looked troubled. "Sir Knight, if it is not too much trouble, could you search for my husband? He should be on road coming back from the next city. You'll know it's him because he wears this silly colorful bracelet."

"Well my patrol does end at the next city. If I see him I will escort him back on my way back."

"Thank you Sir Knight," The young woman curtsied to me and went back into the farmhouse.

I finished looting the goblins and counted 42 gold pieces and an old chainmail vest which still provided protection.

On my way to the next city, I spotted a dead body on the side of the road with a colorful bracelet on the right wrist.

I heard a rustling in the nearby bushes and out came two bandits.

"Well what do we have here. Another mark so soon."

I turned to face them. "By the order of the court of Neverwinter I demand you lay down your arms and come peacefully."

The bandits laughed and drew their shortswords.

I drew my longsword and blessed my weapon.

The battle was short and I had cut them both down. I looted their corpses and noticed they had a few notes on them. I took them and their gold. There were 527 gold pieces between the two bandits, quite a lot more than I had gained from the goblins. It seemed that these bandits must have been causing a lot of problems. It was a good thing I had killed them.

I went back to the farmhouse and told the young widow the news of her husbands passing. She ran to her bedroom and I could hear her crying loudly. I took a seat at her dinner table and decided to take a break.

I felt as if I had failed on my patrol today. If I had been quicker I could have saved that man.

I took out the notes that I had found on the bandits and found that they were bank notes and a deed to this very farmhouse.

I realized right then and there how hard life would have been for this young widow if I had not helped her. She would possibly have lost her farm and her life to those bandits. All sorts of horrible deeds could have befell her today.

I took out the bag of gold that I looted from the bandits and placed the bag on top of the bank notes and deeds.

I went outside and began meditating and forming my plan.

It was a simple, but arduous plan.

I was going to travel and help where ever I could. I would use the gold I find to better the lives of everyone around me. My weapon and armor would be from the creatures and evil that I do battle against.

That was 20 years ago.

Here I am still much stronger, more powerful and charismatic than I had been when I first became a Paladin.

My name and stories are spread by bards far and wide.

I've helped everyone from the most destitute of whores to the rulers of the land.

I am indiscriminate in my kindness.

Yet I still continue in my travels. Helping those who need my help.

Everywhere I go there is someone in trouble.

Why?

It is because there is never enough gold pieces to go around.

There is always someone or something taking from the honest. Whether it be for greed, malicious intents, or to just be evil.

So whenever I come around. I spread some more gold around and one day there might be enough gold to go around.

My Golden Age of Neverwinter arrives when it can not be said that there is Never Enough Gold.
 

Glimmervoid

Well-Known Member
#2
This is the notes from the WRITING PROFICIENCY part of your score. Full score will be up later when I'm finished everyone's. I thought you might find it useful. I'm a full service judge. :)
frostdragonz said:
I had a dream.

It was a wonderful dream of a Golden Age of Neverwinter.

I had it all figured out all those years ago.

Fresh out of training at the Temple of Torm, I was a idealistic Paladin given my first mission. It was a simple mission to patrol the outskirts of the city and dispatch of any unsavory creatures on my own.

My superiors told me that the Order of Torm was low on funds so they would only be able to provide me with a choice of weapon, [needs a space] but no armor. I would have protested, but they told me they believed me to be skilled and competent enough to do without armor and that I would be able to acquire armor in the field if I really did need any.

I was delighted that I was viewed as competent and skilled enough to patrol on my own as well as being skilled enough to acquire my own armor in the field. It had not even been an hour into my patrol that I came across a group of goblins attempting to raid a farmhouse.

I drew my longsword and struck one of the goblins from behind [needs a full stop or semicolon] it never stood a chance. I struck two more on the side before the other three realized they were being attacked.

The three goblins left were on their guard now. They charged at me and made wild and reckless swings. I easily got out of the way and knew that their own advantage was their numbers. So I struck them down one by one separating them as they charged at me.

While I was looting [unnecessary passive voice] their corpses I heard footsteps. It seemed the commotion of battle had roused the farmers. I was greeted by the sight of a young woman.

"Oh brave Sir Knight, have you by chance seen my husband?"

"I'm sorry, but I have not seen anyone on my patrol today."

"Oh, I see." The young woman looked troubled. "Sir Knight, if it is not too much trouble, could you search for my husband? He should be on road coming back from the next city. You'll know it's him because he wears this silly colorful bracelet."

"Well my patrol does end at the next city. If I see him I will escort him back on my way back."

"Thank you Sir Knight,[full stop not coma]" The young woman curtsied to me and went back into the farmhouse.

I finished looting the goblins and counted 42 gold pieces and an old chainmail vest which still provided protection.

On my way to the next city, I spotted a dead body on the side of the road with a colorful bracelet on the right wrist.

I heard a rustling in the nearby bushes and out came two bandits.

"Well what do we have here. Another mark so soon."

I turned to face them. "By the order of the court of Neverwinter I demand you lay down your arms and come peacefully."

The bandits laughed and drew their shortswords.

I drew my longsword and blessed my weapon.

The battle was short and I had cut them both down. I looted their corpses and noticed they had a few notes on them. I took them and their gold. There were 527 gold pieces between the two bandits, quite a lot more than I had gained from the goblins. It seemed that these bandits must have been causing a lot of problems. It was a good thing I had killed them.

I went back to the farmhouse and told the young widow the news of her husbands passing. She ran to her bedroom and I could hear her crying loudly. I took a seat at her dinner table and decided to take a break.

I felt as if I had failed on my patrol today. If I had been quicker I could have saved that man.

I took out the notes that I had found on the bandits and found that they were bank notes and a deed to this very farmhouse.

I realized right then and there how hard life would have been for this young widow if I had not helped her. She would possibly have lost her farm and her life to those bandits. All sorts of horrible deeds could have befell her today.

I took out the bag of gold that I looted from the bandits and placed the bag on top of the bank notes and deeds.

I went outside and began meditating and forming my plan.

It was a simple,[comma only if the second part could be a stand alone sentence] but arduous plan.

I was going to [passive and clumsy; 'I'd travel and...' would read better] travel and help where ever [wherever] I could. I would use the gold I find [I would find or found] to better the lives of everyone around me. My weapon and armor would be from the creatures and evil that I do battle against.

That was 20 years ago.

Here I am still much stronger, more powerful and charismatic [you deserve a smack around the head for that joke...] than I had been when I first became a Paladin.

My name and stories are spread by bards far and wide.

I've helped everyone from the most destitute of whores to the rulers of the land.

I am indiscriminate in my kindness.

Yet I still continue in my travels. Helping those who need my help.

Everywhere I go there is someone in trouble.

Why?

It is because there is never enough gold pieces to go around.

There is always someone or something taking from the honest. Whether it be for greed, malicious intents, or to just be evil.

So whenever I come around. I spread some more gold around and one day there might be enough gold to go around.

My Golden Age of Neverwinter arrives when it can not be said that there is Never Enough Gold.
 

Watashiwa

Administrator
Staff member
#3
Oh wow, Neverwinter Nights/Forgotten Realms fanfiction, I like it already.

Writing Proficiency: 16/20. Good work on that front, nothing to knock me out of the narrative. Glimmervoid did a marvelous job of actually correcting errors, I have nothing to add to that.
Theme: 20/20. I never imagine something like this coming out of my theme and was very pleasantly surprised.
Source: 14/20. Less Neverwinter Nights, more Forgotten Realms/Faerun. Not bad at all, but there are no details to set it in the continuity of the game specifically.
Story: 16/20. Not too often that you see stories actually use the game mechanics as a plot point.
Other: 18/20. Man, Bioware really messed up the loot table in NWN. Good work, look forward to the next one.
Total: 84
 
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