[Iron Fic 5-7]On the Way to Praven[M&B Warband]

QE1

Well-Known Member
#1
“My legs are as stiff as a Rhodok spear,” Count Rafarch declared. The proud knight sagged in the saddle of his caparisoned steed, surrounded by the knights and men-in-arms bound in service to the Kingdom of Swadia, and more importantly to Count Rafarch himself.

“As stiff as the Rhodok spear that shattered on your plate chest rather than pierce it?” Sir Alain asked, the jest met with good cheer by the bearded noble and his retainers.

Behind the cavalry, Sergeant Miwene kept the equally weary foot soldiers in disciplined ranks. A double-line of crossbowmen in faded white quilted doublets was flanked on each side by a line of chain-mailed infantry bearing either voulge or heavy mace. They were grumbling about having to walk while the higher-born rode, but good naturedly, equally relieved to be through with the last war, which had gone on for too long and King Harlaus had been eager to make peace. The announcement of the treaty had been greeted by all of Count Rafarch's party with general merriment and high spirits.

Naturally, happiness in Calradia is as fleeting as the profits from a pain-painstakingly researched trade route. Suddenly a message was flashing across the sky, in full view of the Count and all of his men.

The Kingdom of Nords has declared war on the Kingdom of Swadia.

The ever-eloquent Count Rafarch had but one thing to say to this turn of events. It shall not be repeated here.

Boyar Rafarch has defected from the Kingdom of Swadia to the Kingdom of Vaegirs. King Harlaus has declared Boyar Rafarch a traitor and seized all of his lands and properties.
 

Watashiwa

Administrator
Staff member
#2
Another odd choice for an entry. Not going to complain though, always have been interested in Mount and Blade.

Writing Proficiency: 16/20. Passive tense. "They were grumbling" should be "they grumbled, etc.
Theme: 13/20. Is this actually a vacation? A bit more set-up would have helped immensely.
Source: 12/20. The use of in-game mechanics to push the story along still makes me smile, but there's not a lot of background here. I don't know anything about the personalities,
Story: 12/20. Related to the above, without knowledge of the game I can't tell what's going on.
Other: 17/20. Despite its flaws I have the strangest urge to start up a game of M&B...
Total: 70.
 
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