Leidolf said:
More idea for the ending of the fanfic:
...
I'm trying to go with everyone important lived, but all of them have to bear with the weight of their actions.
...
Anyone want to put some input into this?
I think the ending should be a little happier; as it stands, it's kind of like, "why should Shinji have even bothered if things didn't turn out better? Becoming a good guy didn't really fix anything." It's too bleak, thematically.
My advice: reduce Sakura's bodycount, probably even down to zero (she drains people but doesn't nom them?) so that, among Shinji, Sakura, and Shirou, they can forgive each other after it's all over.
...Or rather, why have Shirou and Shinji betray each other at all? Saber would be okay with their pre-agreed cooperation because she's super-honorable, but there's still the question of "hey uh which Servant gets the Grail?" That's definitely a conversation each Master should have with their Servant.
If there's anyone in this story who should be betraying and murdering the people he's working with, it's Lu Bu, like dyslexicphaser said; it was like the dude was addicted to it, in legend. He should backstab Shinji as soon as it becomes obvious that Shinji's
not going to screw over Shirou, and that if they just let their Servants fight it out between them in the end, then he'll probably lose.
...Especially if you're going to have "Assassin, Servant of Caster" demonstrating in the next chapter that there are totally ways to get around the whole "Master Required" thing.
That might be the best way to have everything suddenly go to hell just when it looks like they're totally on top of things are are the winning Team: Lu Bu is like "right time for Phase Two" and chops off Shinji's arm for the Seals, and then either finishes the kid off or gets driven off; shit, maybe he leaves the kid alive to remain his Master as a technicality (bonus: if Shinji stops feeding him prana, then Lu Bu will be like "whelp guess I'll have to eat innocent people instead lol"), and there's fuck-all Shinji can do to stop him when Lu Bu took the Seals.