Naruto Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 5b (Was Chapter 6)

[Psyckosama]

Shadow Clone Twenty-Seven approached the bobbing boat in complete silence. To say he was ninja like would have been accurate, though it also would have been redundant considering he was a ninja and all. Well at least a duplicate of one. Though that did get him thinking, what was he really? Was he just a copy, was he his own person, and what happened to him when he popped? Did he die? Did he even have a soul?

Bah. Nonsense questions! He was a ninja, and ninja willingly give their lives to complete the mission, and how could he not after what had happened to some many of his brother clones! This was a perilous challenge. So many had already fallen in this epic quest of boat interception!

One through twelve had courageously given their lives, smashing into the bottom as they struggled to master this deadly technique! Twelve through twenty-four had traveled too deep and been unable to come up for air, bursting horribly as their lungs screamed for air! Poor twenty-five had been the first to get close, only to be cruely struck down by an oar! And brave, brave twenty-six had rocketed ahead and sacrificed himself for the cause, smashing into the side of the boat to try and tip it with his own life!

No! He’d go on no matter the cost! For his brothers, for the boss! For the mission he’d go on! He’d put his existential concerns to the side and make their sacrifices worth something!

Anyways, he deftly approached the crafted and carefully peered up at his targets. As beautiful Haku had surmised, there was three of them, and they were indeed idiots in the midst of what could only be called a bitch fight in a canoe!

They were all middle aged. One was fat and balt, another had a severe face and the worst hair he’d ever seen, and the final of the three had a huge afro with an equally huge receding hairline. He was sure that these were the targets for no real trio of human beings could look quite as ridiculous as the three idiots before him!

Slowly he bobbed his head to the surface, keeping careful to stay out of their point of view.

"Kari, you knuckle head!" exclaimed a harsh, angry looking with the bad bowl cut, "Look what you just did! You almost knocked Rari out of of the boat!"

"Come on, Mou!" his fat, bald companion cried out pitifully trying to stem his anger. "It’s not my fault! I didn’t do it!”

"Hey! cut it out!" The third interjected, “You’re shaking the boat!”

"Shut up, you" the loud one exclaimed before slamming his boot down onto his comrade foot.

And this was, in Twenty-Seven’s eyes, the simple stupidest thing he’d seen in his short life as the aged wood of the boat, already weakened by his comrades noble sacrifice, splintered and cracked under the impact.

“Arugh!” screamed the one with the balding afro, “My foot!”

“Uh oh...” whimpered the fat man

“Now look what you boneheads have done!” roared Bowlcut.

“How the hell is this my fault!” cried the man with the injured foot as he hopped about in place knocking the boat about.

“Relax guys! It’s all just circumstance!" said the fat one gently, trying to defuse the situation.

"I'll show you circumstance!" the severe man with the big nosed roared, "I'll kill you!" He lunged forward, but his movement along with the hopping of his newly injured ally knocked the boat for a loop, sending all three into the water.

Clone Twenty-Seven looked up and winced as he saw what was coming. It was lucky that he was the last of his brethren, for he would hate to have been remembered as the clone that was killed by flying fat man’s ass.

6

Back on shore, Naruto’s palm struck his face with a loud smack.

“You’ve got to be shitting me,” he muttered to himself.

Haku looked over, somewhat confused by his actions. “Huh?”

“Nothing,” Naruto sighed and shook his head. “Seriously, those three are ninja?”

Haku sighed, shooting naruto a long suffering look as he was bombarded with painful memories of serial stupidity. “Sadly, yes.”

“Oh,” Naruto muttered, shaking his head, “Say. what was that you were going to tell me before when I was talking about pranks?”

Haku smiled allowed herself to be distracted for a moment as she glanced out at the sea. In the distance they could see the boat going down as the three scrambled to climb back in and bale water out of it at the same time, only accelerating its already rapid descent into the deep with their bungling. It was like watching a wagon crash in slow motion, and she had to wonder, was she a bad person for being amused as hell by it all?

Taking a deep breath she put her mind back on focus. Yes. Naruto. Traps. “Right,” she said, “Naruto, you claimed that you were a prankster, not a traps expert, right?”

He nodded, ”Yeah, pranks are cool, but its not like I know any awesome trap jutsu or anything.”

Trap jutsu? Haku had to ask herself. Was he serious? “Naruto, I’m no expert in the field but from what I’ve seen, well, except for maybe creative use of advanced Fuinjutsu techniques there’s no such thing as ‘cool trap jutsu’.”

Naruto blinked and for a moment looked as if someone had just told him that the New Years Festival had been canceled. “There aren’t?”

“No,” she replied, “Most traps are just simple, cleverly set tricks like the ones you saved me from earlier.”

“They are?” Naruto asked. “I mean, that was just a prank with a bomb. I mean what kind of jerk sets a prank that’ll kill someone?”

“Naruto,” Haku replied calmly, and feeling just a little annoyed due to how tired she was starting to feel, “The only difference between a prank and a trap is that a prank is intended to humiliate the target while a trap is designed to harm the target.”

Slowly, a somewhat terrifying smile came to naruto’s face as his blue eyes lit up with what could only be called unholy fire. “You’re telling me that all my pranks, they’re all awesome ninja techniques?”

Against her better instincts, Haku answered honestly. “Yes.”

6 6

Sasuke sighed deeply as he swallowed a mouthful of rice. For once he actually missed the dead-last. Honestly, eating with his team minus Naruto was a chore. While annoying in his own right, Naruto at least ran interference for him with Sakura. Without his comrade around to keep her annoyed she thought it was time to talk about romantic nonsense with her ‘true love’. Kakashi was no help, rather he seemed to passively encourage it for his own amusement.

Blah blah blah, true love, blah blah blah.

Part of him wanted to bang his head into the table until he was no longer capable of hearing her pedantic ranting. The other half of him wanted to bang her head into the table until she was no longer capable of producing her pedantic ranting.

At least she wasn’t as bad as Ino, he reflected. Close, but not as bad. Though thankfully the two of them decided to break off their friendship and fight over him. Because for as obnoxious as it was, the idea of being double teamed by them was the stuff of nightmares.

Suddenly a chill went down his spine and his head shot up with a jerk.

“Hm?” Kakashi sounded, looking up from his meal.

“Something the matter, Sasuke-kun?” Sakura asked with great concern for his well being.

“I don’t know, but I feel like somebody just walked over my grave.”

6 6 6

“Oh, Tsunako, you naughty girl,” giggled the Sandaime Hokage in all of his might and glory as he sat in his office, nose deep in his student’s latest edition.

He had to admit it, for all of his flaws as a man, Jiraiya was a true genius as a writer. The epic story of Jimaru and his neverending quest for love and glory was a true masterpiece of Shinobi literature. Why, it was almost as wonderful as the secret intelligence reports skillfully encoded within the pages of every volume of Icha Icha Paradise.

He’d of course send it down to the Cryptanalysis Team for decoding once he was finished, but until them he would enjoy his unedited pre-release draft in all of its glory. This was one bit of paperwork that he never minded attending to.

It was then that a loud crack yanked him from his happy place.

Over 50 years of experience as one of the world’s most dangerous ninja snapped him from dirty old man to seasoned killer as his eyes jerked to the source of the noise.

On his wall, there was as small mirror that he kept in order to ensure that he remained presentable at all times. After all, as Kage he was the face of the Village and thus expected to be presentable at all times.

It had cracked.

He frowned. This was a bad omen.

“Something terrible has just happened...”

6 6 6 6

This was awkward, Naruto had to admit. While he was happy to know that he had an unexpected super awesome ninja skill that he’d have to put to good use, he had a feeling that the maniacal laughing had maybe been a bit too much. Haku was looking at him funny and he had no idea what to say.

So he didn’t. He was sure this would blow over. He hoped. He sighed.

“Hey, Haku-chan?”

She slowly glanced over, “Yes, Naruto-kun?”

He blushed, “I’m sorry I got a little over the top there, but I was just excited to know that my mad pranking skills were actually, well, useful, dattebayo.”

She smiled. If it wasn’t for the split lip and bruised cheek she’d have looked radiant. As it was she was giving of that aura of ‘hot girl with an abusive husband’, which considering he was the one who’d caused those injuries, made him feel kinda guilty.

Though she had been an enemy and she’d made him think that she was a guy and that she’d killed Sasuke but he knew from reading novels that those kinds of guys came up with all kinds of excuses and...

“Haku-chan,” he said, shutting up his blasted internal monologue, “I’m sorry I hit you...”

“Don’t be foolish!” she snapped.

“W-what?” Naruto exclaimed.

She frowned at him, and for the first time since they met she looked honestly disappointed in him. “Naruto-kun, I was you enemy. Don’t be foolish. You had every right to hit me.”

“Yeah,” he whined, “But you’re my friend now...”

She paused for a moment and then giggled slightly, “Is that what this is about? You’re seeing my injuries and feeling guilty?”

He paused for a moment and then nodded slightly. “Yeah, it is.”

She sighed and shook her head before giving him another radiant smile. “Don’t feel guilty, Naruto-kun. The fact that we are friends now does not change that.”

He paused for a moment and sighed. “I just don’t like hurting people.”

“Neither do I,” Haku admitted, “I’m proud of that and I’d like to believe that Zabuza-sama was as well. Even as he chided me on my soft heart, he never attempted to force me to harden it...”

Her eyes narrowed somewhat as she glanced at the beach, and Naruto decided to follow her gaze. The three ninja from the boat were almost to shore. He had to admit they’d made pretty good time. Even he would have had some trouble making such good time.

He glanced back to her and said, “Haku, you know these guys?”

It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. He really should have asked when she’d pointed out that they’d be acting like idiots but he’d been broadsided by the realization that his pranks were actually ninja techniques. He grinned. Speaking of which he’d been letting himself go to seed. He’d need to get some ‘training’ in once he got back to Konoha.

Ignoring the savage grin that slowly crossed his features, she responded. “Yes I do.”

He blinked. “So who are they?”

Haku frowned somewhat. “I’ll explain that in a little while. Lets get ready to greet the morons,” she said in a grouchy tone he normally wouldn’t have expected from her.

She started up the beach and towards the shore. Naruto sighed and followed.

Meanwhile, the three were finally to the point where they could drag themselves through the surf, offering Naruto his first good look at them.

The first thing that struck him was that they were actually kind of young. Older than him for sure, probably around Haku’s age. They were also all identically dressed, with camouflage t-shirts worn under tan vests with scroll storage pouches on the front and Hitai-ate worn in the proper place. If he had to make a bet would have identified them as being from Kirigakure no Sato.

They all looked physically similar, with the similar bland features and lazy eyes, In fact they looked almost identical, discernible at range only by their slightly different take on the theme of spiky black hair. One of them, he noted with a chuckle, had the same duck’s butt hair style that Sasuke wore.

“You knuckleheads,” the one with the duck butt groaned as he pulled himself out of the water and landed face first on the beach. “When I can feel my arms again, I’m gonna murder the both of ya.”

“Ugh,” groaned the second to the beach, this one with similar but formless back swept spikes, “Come on Mou, accidents happen...”

“How about you come over here, Rari, and I’ll show you an accident!” the first, now identified as Mou growled at the others.

“Oh boy,” the third, whose hair was almost the same as the second only slightly shorter, moaned as he joined them on the beach. “Not more of this. Come on guys...”

“Don’t ‘come on guys’ me, your imbeciles... one job. You had one job. Row so we could get out of here before...”

“Before what?”

The three of them paused and visibly tensed.

Slowly, Mou turned his head to look up and found himself with a ground eye view of Haku’s pretty pink yukata that almost had him jealous. Just a little glance up and... well... Haku had snuck up on them while they were bitching at each other and now she was right in front of them, an annoyed look on her face as she fingered the Kunai that he’d given her in a manner that probably would have seemed somewhat menacing if he was on her bad side and he didn’t know she was almost entirely out of Chakra.

“Oh crap...” Mou whimpered earning a glare from Haku.

“What the hell do you idiots think you were doing?” Haku snapped, “Your orders were clear. If anything happened you were to go to ground and await instructions.”

Mou glared back up at her. “Yeah, and then you went and got captured by the tree-huggers,” he grumbled, “What did you expect us to do, wait for them to squeeze our location out of you? Or, oh, I know! We could have stayed in place like three good little patsies and wait for the oinin to show up and torture us to death!”

“He kinda has a point, Haku-san...”

“Shut up, Kuri. If I needed your help to argue my point I’d turn back around and drowned myself.”

“Oh...”

“And what exactly did you idiots intend to do?” she asked, “You had good cover.”

He glanced up, “Well, from what I’ve heard, Mist Hunter Nin aren't aloud to operate inside Fire Country. Plan was to go to another village and throw money at them in hopes they’d take us in. Or maybe see if that new village in Rice Country could use someone competent.”

“And if you found someone who was, I’m sure they’d just snatch them right up,” Haku snapped.

“Come on, Haku, don’t be that way,” groaned Rari.

Haku sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Kami help me.”

“Hey Haku,” Kuri asked, “How’d you escape anyways? Not like I’m not glad to see you, but you might have some of those Leaf Nin on your tail.”

“I didn’t escape,” she replied, calmly.

“What.”

“What?”

“What!?”

She sighed. “Naruto-kun, come over here.”

He grinned and jumped into view, “Alright, Haku-chan!”

Mou groaned and face planted into the sand. “So this is it, huh? You sold us out. You’re a real piece of work, you know that?”

“Actually,” she replied, “They want me to join their village for my bloodline. I was going to make accepting you three stooges a condition.”

Kari almost jumped to his feet. Or at least tried. He managed to sit up. “Really? You mean no more missing nin stuff?”

Naruto glanced over to Haku and gave the three another look. “Haku-chan, who are these guys.”

"They were Zabuza-sama's Genin team," Haku replied. "They followed him into exile."

No Brows had a Genin team? Naruto winced, actually a bit appalled by the idea. That couldn’t have been much fun.

“Followed him into exile,” Mou laughed as he sat up, “Well, that’s one way to put it, Okama-chan!”

Haku’s teeth clenched.

“When Psycho-sensei forced us to try and help him kill the Mizukage we were pretty much screwed either way so we got while the getting was good.”

Haku twitched. “Show some respect. He protected you...”

“Protected us?” Mou growled as he stood up, “It’s his fault to begin with! He’s the one who terrorized us into stealing a copy of Yagura’s seal! He’s the one who forced us to come up with some way to disrupt it! That blood crazed maniac is the reason we’re on the run to begin with!”

Haku growled and a spike of killing intent shot filled the beach. In a blur she had the kunai out and was pressing it into his left nostril, pulling slightly, forcing the young man to his tip toes to keep from getting cut.

“And right now, the only thing keeping you alive is my sense of obligation and my desire to honor Zabuza-sama’s memory, but if you keep disrespecting him I will make sure that you live just long enough to regret it!” she all but roared. She gave the kunai a slight tug, “Do I make myself clear?”

One of the others stepped forward, his hands raised in a disarming manner. “Hey, hey now... lets not get too hasty, boss...”

“Shut up, Rari,” she hissed before repeating herself. “Do I make myself clear?”

“Y-yeah.”

“I can’t hear you.” she growled.

“Crystal!”

She pulled the Kunai away and took a deep breath. While the three seemed to miss it, she almost lost her footing. To them she probably looked like she was shaking with rage, but to Naruto it looked like like exhaustion. He was starting to worry.

She took a deep breath. “Good. Now, hand it over.”

“W-what?”

“Don’t be cute,” she crossed her arms. “I know you looted the hideout. It’s mine by right. Hand it over.”

Mou sighed and nodded. “Right. Give her the stuff from the hideout...”

Rari paused for a moment and then pulled out a couple of scrolls which she snatched from his hands.

“Good. Now the rest of it.”

“The rest of it?” Mou asked, “That’s all we got.”

“Don’t pretend that I’m stupid,” she replied coldly, “You were in town yesterday when Zabuza-sama fought on the bridge. If the contents of our hideout were all that you’d decided to run off with then, then you’d have been long gone by now.”

“Hrrrmph!” Kari growled in frustration, “I told you you were getting greedy!”

“Gah!” Mou growled, “Kuri you dimwit!”

“He already figured it out, Mou, there aren’t nothin’ to hide,” he said as he pulled out another pair of scrolls.

Haku snatched the scrolls from his hands. “What’s in them,” she asked.

Kuri scratched the back of his head, “Well, we were keeping an eye on Gato’s place like Psy... um... Zabuza-sensei told us when we saw ‘em leave with all his guards. So we decided it would be a good time to slip in and... well... snag some stuff.”

She scowled. “Define stuff.”

“Um, well,” he flushed, “Well, we got his safe... and deeds... and records... and... well... I guess you could say we got his cash and paperwork. All the important stuff.”

Haku smiled for the first time since they pulled themselve to shore. “Good job, Kuri.”

He grinned, basking in the positive reinforcement. “Thanks!”

“Hey! It was my idea...”

“Shut up, Mou.”

After a moment Rari reluctantly spoke. “Um, boss?”

She sighed. “Yes, Rari?”

“We were kinda the ones who got it... so we’re kinda entitled to a cut, right?”

Haku looked at the two scrolls thoughtfully for a moment and then handed them to Naruto.

“That’s up to Naruto-kun to decide.”

Naruto blinked in confusion while Mou seemed to go completely white.

“What are you doing?!” he exclaimed.

She glared at him for a moment and then smiled at Naruto. “I trust him to do what is right with the contents of those scrolls.”

“Ugh,” he groaned, “We’re gonna have to take orders from a midget now, aren’t we? How old is he? Ten?”

“Hey!” Naruto growled, “Who are you calling a midget!?”

“He’s stronger than I am,” Haku observed.

Mou’s eyes almost bulged and her turned an interesting shade of purple before stammering out, “Heheh... Hey! Out with the old boss and in with the new, that’s what I say! I’m Tesaki Mou and these are my brothers Kuri and Rari!” he paused for a beat, “Please don’t kill me!”

“Well I’m Uzumaki Naruto and I’m going to be the strongest Hokage ever, dattebayo!”

“Uzumaki...” Mou sputtered turning a ghostly shade of white.

“Uh oh,” Rari stammered out, looking just as frightened as his brother.

“Umh....” Kuri whimpered.

“What’s going on?” Naruto asked. When they heard his name, they looked like they’d seen a ghost. A scary one at that.

“Yes,” Haku said, “What is going on?”

Mou grinned, “Um, Haku-sama, this might not be the best place...”

Her eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms, a deep scowl marrying her pretty face as she tapped her foot expectantly.

“Y-you know all those scrolls we got? The ones on fuinjutsu that we like so much?”

“Yes...”

He gave Naruto a sideways glance with a big stupid smile on his face. “Well-ll w-where do you think my family got them...?”

She sighed deeply, rubbed her temple, and shook her head. “You know what, yes. It can wait.”

“Hold on,” Naruto muttered in confusion, “What the hell are you talking about?”

Kuri blinked. “You don’t know.”

“What should I know?”

“Nothing!” Mou exclaimed, “Absolutely nothing! Really! Nothing to know here! Not at all! This is a no knowing zone!”

“You’ve got that right,” Haku muttered under her breath, bitterly.

Naruto glared at him. You’ve got to be kidding. Did they really expect him to swallow that load of bullshit?

Haku looked over to Naruto. “Naruto-kun, can we please discuss this later? Maybe after lunch? Please?”

He sighed. He could see how tired she was. “Alright Haku lets go get some...” he groaned. Oh he was going to regret this, he just knew it... “Sushi.”

She smiled and glanced to the trio. “Alright, lets go.”

With that said, they began towards the town in blissful silence. At least at first.

“Hey, Boss,” Rari said, “I hate to say this, but you really need a new look.”

Haku looked back. “What?”

“I mean, the whole dude looks like a lady thing, you kinda pull it off, but its real creepy. I mean wearing pink is one thing, but panties... and... well... are those falsies? I mean seriously, man... t-that just ain’t right. Makes a guy feel a bit unsettled in his sexuality if you get my meaning...”

Haku paused for a moment before face palming with a groan. “I’m actually a girl you idiot.”

He blinked. “No, you’re just pullin’ my leg. You’ve gotta be. You’ve said you’re a boy one too many times for me to buy that...”

“Really,” Naruto added. “She is.”

He blinked. “How’d you know?”

“Bath accident,” Naruto stated wearing a blush and an indignant look from Haku, “Don’t ask the details.”

“You mean you’ve seen the goods... and he’s a she... that means those soldier pills were in...” his eyes went wide and he was blasted backwards by two fonts of blood exploding from his nostrils.

Kuri stood in place for a moment and then fist pumped into the air. “Waho! Still straight!”

Everyone looked at him. It was an awkward silence.

“What? She’s cute!”

 

[Fellgrave]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

...

*facepalms*

Well... Naruto finally realizes his true talents... this does not bode well...

 

[Psyckosama]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

Why the facepalm?

 

[Fellgrave]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

Facepalm was for the knuckleheads.

 

[BloodRevan]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

Fairly certain I've read the original, but it's been years.

Rari, Kuri, and Mou… Poor Zabuza. He had the Three Stooges as his genin team. No wonder he wanted to kill the Mizukage.

On the bright side, between the Baka San and the return of prankster Naruto, who, it seems, will be learning what his clan was most famous for within the next one-to-two chapters, Sarutobi will have a means to drive Danzo to tears, madness and hopefully suicide. Couldn't happen to a more deserving person.

 

[Psyckosama]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

Facepalm was for the knuckleheads.

Heh. Ah. Right. Think I did well with that? I was trying not to transplant the stooges into the bodies of ninja but rather use their archtype personalities to base 3 ninja on...

Along with some heavy winks and nods to the classic comedy trio in their manner of speaking.

Fairly certain I've read the original, but it's been years.

Rari, Kuri, and Mou… Poor Zabuza. He had the Three Stooges as his genin team. No wonder he wanted to kill the Mizukage.

Minor spoiler, he took them on as a team because he wanted to kill the Mizukage. I hinted at it in the thread. Their family has a lot of sealing knowledge and were the ones who sealed the Sanbi into Yagura.

He forced them to steal a copy of the seal.

On the bright side, between the Baka San and the return of prankster Naruto, who, it seems, will be learning what his clan was most famous for within the next one-to-two chapters, Sarutobi will have a means to drive Danzo to tears, madness and hopefully suicide. Couldn't happen to a more deserving person.

Oh, you're going to be shocked by what comes up once they get to Konoha.

 

[DhampyrX2]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

I have to wonder if all this knowledge Naruto will be getting about his Clan will lead him to discovering the Uzumaki Temple in the outskirts of the Konoha where Orochimaru found the Shinigami-summoning mask?

 

[lord geryon]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

In both the original and this rewrite, I never cared for the trio. Please let them fade into irrelevance after a chapter or three.

 

[Darkskeketon]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

Well... i guess finding that he has a talent of his own is a good thing but also rea~lly funny

 

[BukkakeNoJutsu]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

It's awesome to see some new material. They have some Uzumaki fuuinjutsu scrolls I hope! Also trapmaking will make sasuke paranoid since he can't detect stuff easily without the chakra signatures.

 

[DhampyrX2]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

It's awesome to see some new material. They have some Uzumaki fuuinjutsu scrolls I hope! Also trapmaking will make sasuke paranoid since he can't detect stuff easily without the chakra signatures.

When you think about it, classic non-chakra-based traps should be the very bane of the Uchiha and Hyuuga in general. Without chakra to sense you have to know exactly what you are looking for and how to defuse it the same as everyone else. And for most dojutsu users... that's not exactly their forte. I almost pity Neji in the Chuunin exams. Almost. Okay, no I don't, he was a douche at that point and had it coming.

 

[KurokamiDG]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

In both the original and this rewrite, I never cared for the trio. Please let them fade into irrelevance after a chapter or three.

Well I do see the importance of the idiots if they're gonna be forced helping to introduce Naruto to Uzumaki sealing.

I kinda hope that as soon as they get back to Konoha the three will be limited to omake interaction at most though, unless they are really important for a specific situation.

Anyway, now all Naruto needs to do is to get his Spark going and he'll be a monster. Trap making with a very creative Uzumaki is likely to end up bad for someone. :snigger:

 

[Christopher Robin]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

When you think about it, classic non-chakra-based traps should be the very bane of the Uchiha and Hyuuga in general. Without chakra to sense you have to know exactly what you are looking for and how to defuse it the same as everyone else. And for most dojutsu users... that's not exactly their forte. I almost pity Neji in the Chuunin exams. Almost. Okay, no I don't, he was a douche at that point and had it coming.

Doesn't that depend on exactly how x-ray the Byakugan is?

 

[Psyckosama]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

In both the original and this rewrite, I never cared for the trio. Please let them fade into irrelevance after a chapter or three.

They're not going to be very common but they'll be the butt of some jokes for sure.

Well... i guess finding that he has a talent of his own is a good thing but also rea~lly funny

Glad you like.

It's awesome to see some new material. They have some Uzumaki fuuinjutsu scrolls I hope! Also trapmaking will make sasuke paranoid since he can't detect stuff easily without the chakra signatures.

Somewhat. The Sharingan gives almost total situational awareness. If he knows what to look for he can spot it. Problem is Naruto is a sneaky fuck.

When you think about it, classic non-chakra-based traps should be the very bane of the Uchiha and Hyuuga in general. Without chakra to sense you have to know exactly what you are looking for and how to defuse it the same as everyone else. And for most dojutsu users... that's not exactly their forte. I almost pity Neji in the Chuunin exams. Almost. Okay, no I don't, he was a douche at that point and had it coming.

Depends on the sign in the case of the Uchiha. If nothing is visisble they'll be cocky. If there's sign of your actrivities they might be able to pick up on it.

Doesn't that depend on exactly how x-ray the Byakugan is?

Yes it does, and it's pretty XRAY. The big way to deal with the Byakugan would be something that doesn't look out of place. In general Hyuga and trap are difficult. The best way to trap them are substances that can blend in from the POV of thier eyes such as the stratigic use of various toxins. Poison on a door nob, a powder gently spread on so it will become arisol when distrubed. These things will be either invisisble or be able to meld into the scenery.

IT's all about being creative. NAruto is VERY creative.

Well I do see the importance of the idiots if they're gonna be forced helping to introduce Naruto to Uzumaki sealing.

Pretty much, they're also going to have some other elements but that's the big one.

I kinda hope that as soon as they get back to Konoha the three will be limited to omake interaction at most though, unless they are really important for a specific situation.

More extremely secondary support characters who show up occasionally, mostly when I need an unsympathetic buttmonkey.

Anyway, now all Naruto needs to do is to get his Spark going and he'll be a monster. Trap making with a very creative Uzumaki is likely to end up bad for someone. :snigger:

Oh yeah.

Now I could use some advice. I'm a bit tied on what the next scene should be. Little bit of a block. Any suggestions?

 

[Darkskeketon]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

You could try to show Sakura POV and how she react to all these change. And maybe Sasuke training because he was beaten by Haku. A path of resentment ? Maybe a little angry toward himself.

For the scroll thingy, you may want to keep it for later after Naruto become a bit better at being a ninja. He doesn't strike me as someone who has the patience to learn like sealing. He would probably find that more than a little boring. For him to learn that he would need to be more patient or someone need to present his sealing under a favorable light => seal-are-totally-awesome-and-the-fourth-used-seal !
(Try to avoid the 'seal-are-the-best-and-can-totally-do-anything-you-want cliche' that are present in so many fic.)

 

[FinalMax]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

Well, the stooges did give a hint of a possible secret that Konoha might want to know about. At least certain segments of it, with regards to Yagura's seal. Individuals with familiarity with that kind of seal work would be considered a possible asset the village could get, or at least an asset to keep any enemies from getting. That could avoid the original feudal document scene if that's something you don't want to go with.

 

[Psyckosama]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

Actually, I was talking about the direct next scene. I can think of a number of possibilities but none of them really grip me and could use some ideas.

Basically hit a minor stumbling block here.

 

[DhampyrX2]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

Tsunami pursuing Naruto's heritage as an Uzumaki would work. Especially if it's in tandem with the stooges telling Haku about the history of the Uzumaki at the same time.

 

[Psyckosama]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

I was planning on both of those but I need a connecting scene first.

I'm considering something with Kakashi showing up.

 

[bastur2]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

Instead of Kakashi coming to met them, wouldn't be better to have the scene taking place some time from this one, with Naruto and Haku returning to the house.

As it would allow for the shock of all that money having come to his hand to end, and for Haku to dissuade Naruto from simple giving it to his village...
This could lead to her defending that this is just a proper tithe to their nem clan head/ lord (a fictional position to stop The village from trying to take all the monies)

 

[Psyckosama]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

Instead of Kakashi coming to met them, wouldn't be better to have the scene taking place some time from this one, with Naruto and Haku returning to the house.

Yes, but that denies Kakashi the opportunity to troll them, and anything that makes it so Kakashi can't troll his students is a bad plan...

As it would allow for the shock of all that money having come to his hand to end, and for Haku to dissuade Naruto from simple giving it to his village...
This could lead to her defending that this is just a proper tithe to their nem clan head/ lord (a fictional position to stop The village from trying to take all the monies)

The only money the village is owed from that off the top is the mission pay, which Kakashi will insist on. Besides that... how he distributes it is up to him. Kakashi's a dick but he's not an asshole.

 

[bastur2]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

But them you lose the chance for his reaction when Naruto bring out that he has not only Haku as a follower, but also tree other ninjas...

On the matter of the money... My comment come from the fact that Naruto is acting as a Konoha soldier , and as a soldier it wouldn't be acceptable for him to receive payments outside a mission payments or village accept moments, as it would increase the chance of ninjas having their loyalty Bought.

Because, if the village at least don't take a cut, it would open a very big precedence with the rest of the ninjas.

 

[datakim]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

I have to wonder if all this knowledge Naruto will be getting about his Clan will lead him to discovering the Uzumaki Temple in the outskirts of the Konoha where Orochimaru found the Shinigami-summoning mask?

On the other hand, that won't help much. I mean the only reason it worked for Orochimaru was because he could escape before the shinigami ate him.

Unless the mask works differently to the technique and Naruto can just slice open his own stomach, absorb the yin!kyuubi and then just regenerate or something.


Also I take it Naruto will start learning fuuinjutsu since these guys obviously have scrolls stolen from Uzumaki. While thats a bit cliche, cliches often become that because they work if written well. In a story focused on Uzumaki, fuuinjutsu should play some role.

It occurs to me that in the previous chapter, Naruto almost instinctively knew there was something off about the seals used to trap the hideout. Was that foreshadowing.

For the scroll thingy, you may want to keep it for later after Naruto become a bit better at being a ninja. He doesn't strike me as someone who has the patience to learn like sealing. He would probably find that more than a little boring. For him to learn that he would need to be more patient or someone need to present his sealing under a favorable light => seal-are-totally-awesome-and-the-fourth-used-seal !

If he learns that his clan and family focused on sealing, that could be a start. After that, the seals are awesome thing could come into play. Its already been established that Naruto can be smart and focused if he is properly motivated.

(Try to avoid the 'seal-are-the-best-and-can-totally-do-anything-you-want cliche' that are present in so many fic.)

This I agree with. While seals can be pretty powerfull, generally only the real masters (Jiraiya, Nagato, Danzo, Orochimaru, Etc) have used truly hax-seals.

On the other hand, I would not mind Naruto starting to learn simple seals, and then incorporating them into his traps. You know, not so much superpowerfull seals, but rather more basic seals used in cunning and clever ways. That would fit into the whole trap-usage theme.

 

[Psyckosama]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

But them you lose the chance for his reaction when Naruto bring out that he has not only Haku as a follower, but also tree other ninjas...

Or I could use him as the POV character.

On the matter of the money... My comment come from the fact that Naruto is acting as a Konoha soldier , and as a soldier it wouldn't be acceptable for him to receive payments outside a mission payments or village accept moments, as it would increase the chance of ninjas having their loyalty Bought.

She's not giving it to him, she's allowing him to decide what's done with it.

Because, if the village at least don't take a cut, it would open a very big precedence with the rest of the ninjas.

Oh, they'll get a keep of any spoils but only after he dives it out and keeps some for himself

As for the brothers and Haku, they're not Konoha nin (yet) so they don't count for that.

I have to wonder if all this knowledge Naruto will be getting about his Clan will lead him to discovering the Uzumaki Temple in the outskirts of the Konoha where Orochimaru found the Shinigami-summoning mask?

Yes.

On the other hand, that won't help much. I mean the only reason it worked for Orochimaru was because he could escape before the shinigami ate him.

It's still a damned useful item. Basically it would be useable to free the Yondaime and not much else at this point.

Unless the mask works differently to the technique and Naruto can just slice open his own stomach, absorb the yin!kyuubi and then just regenerate or something.

All it would do would be to let that half free right now unless they figured out a way to seal that chakra into him.

Also I take it Naruto will start learning fuuinjutsu since these guys obviously have scrolls stolen from Uzumaki. While thats a bit cliche, cliches often become that because they work if written well. In a story focused on Uzumaki, fuuinjutsu should play some role.

It's not cliche. Trust me, the details are pretty... interesting.

It occurs to me that in the previous chapter, Naruto almost instinctively knew there was something off about the seals used to trap the hideout. Was that foreshadowing.

Uzumaki have almost a 6th sense with seals due to their special chakra.

 

[datakim]

RE: Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 6

All it would do would be to let that half free right now unless they figured out a way to seal that chakra into him.

Yeah. Though it never made much sense to me how the Yin!Kurama became sentient on its own. It would have made so much more sense for it to just naturally merge with the Kyuubi inside Naruto. I mean it made sense when the Sage split Juubi, since he used that super Creation of all Things technique, but Minato just ripped out a piece of chakra. Thats kinda like cutting off someones leg, and then having that leg become sentient. That never made sense to me. Bah.

It's not cliche. Trust me, the details are pretty... interesting.

Looking forwards to it.

Uzumaki have almost a 6th sense with seals due to their special chakra.

Hmm. Pretty sure only Kushina had special chakra (or atleast chakra more special than the others)? If Naruto inherited that, then are you planning on giving him his mothers chains too?

Then again, Karin showed those chains recently too. Its annoying in canon that every Uzumaki seems to have those chains, EXCEPT Naruto.