Harry Potter Stories you wish you can destroy

[ArchfiendRai]

Since its working out so well in the Naruto section, I feel that one is needed here, since it is an equally popular section. (Or almost anyway.)
____________________________

First on my agenda is almost everything (read 99.99999999999999%) of everything Demon God of Chaos has written. I can list why his shit sucks so bad with a few simple words; Necrophilia, ClichÚs, everything practically the same in each story, his refusal to listen to critique. I'm not going to bother with anything else. Just the first word should have had you puking.
____________________________

Sharingan Harry Book One: A New Bloodline

A HP story crossed over with Naru. It is so utterly bad that I almost cried. But then I realized that would be homo so I held it in.

Anyway:

'Rare/priceless/hard-to-find book on how to create your own bloodline' sitting in the HP bookstore in plain view and no one claiming it in like...ever but suddenly Harry buys it cuz he was the only one to spot it? Check.

HP getting Mangekyo Sharingan in chapter one, with no work at all? Check

HP using Amaterasu 'accidentally' by chapter three? Check

Author claiming to not be godmoding HP? Check

All around Shitty writing and crappy execution of idea? Check.

The worst part is, FF.net is eating his shit up. Me, A Devil In The Dark, Warslasher, Nanio-713, DG Friendly, Lord Ezra'eil, and M16 To The Face were the only ones brave enough (that I saw) tell him that the story sucked. Seven people out of 92! Good fucking lord. There should be a law where you can shoot idiots like this. ADitD straight out flamed him, while I tried to get him to see the light in a polite(ish) manner. He flamed me back, completely ignoring a few of my points. Most likely the ones he had no comeback to. Most of the idiots who reviewed had things to say like, "Absolutely amazeing. Eagerly wating for the next update." (C&Ped :blink: )

I hate people like this. You know em! The ones who are so fanatical in their beliefs that they wouldn't change their minds even if you confronted them with irrefutable proof. It is people like this who make me hate waking up in the morning. Just like DGoC who was mentioned above.

/rant
____________________________

Lets see....well I got nothing right now. I'm sure I'll think up of more shit later. Post and flame people. Post and flame.

 

[kcourtkat]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4300824/1/Fate_Confused
It's another of those wrong BWL stories. I have yet to make it past the second chapter. What I did read had me going 'wow, just, wow.'
Abusive!Lily and CrucioHappy!James. Then he goes to hell with the devil's son who also suffered an abusive childhood. I couldn't go any farther.

 

[ArchfiendRai]

God damn, its almost like people are chronicly retarded.

 

[Legendary Legacy]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4300824/1/Fate_Confused
It's another of those wrong BWL stories. I have yet to make it past the second chapter. What I did read had me going 'wow, just, wow.'
Abusive!Lily and CrucioHappy!James. Then he goes to hell with the devil's son who also suffered an abusive childhood. I couldn't go any farther.

If I could be off-topic for just a minute...

I don't understand the 'Wrong Boy Who Lived' cliche. At all. Especially if Lily and James are both still alive in the story.

I mean, the only reason Harry was called the Boy Who Lived in the books is because Voldemort tried to kill him and failed.

So how does this work? Does Voldemort decide not to attack the Potters at all for one reason or another, thereby leaving them all alive? Can't be that, because then none of them would the BWL.

Does he manage to get past Lily and James without killing them to reach the boys? Only way I could see this happening would be if the writers made Lily and James into horrible parents of such a magnitude that they either decided to go out and leave their kids home that night, or actually held their kids out when he walked in the door and said "Here, take 'em". Otherwise, this doesn't work either because there's no way in hell that Voldy is gonna fail to kill not one, but ALL of the Potters in one night. Because hell, that would make them the Family Who Lived, wouldn't it? :sweat2:

And what is the point of turning James and Lily into hateful, neglectful parents? Is there really any other reason for it besides allowing them to turn Harry into a vindictive, sanctimonious prick and his brother into an attention-stealing gloryhound? Because those are the only reasons I've been able to make out so far. Hell, you could've went ahead and stuck them with the Dursley's and gotten almost the exact same outcome if you worked it right.

Lastly, and this is the part that I'm not entirely certain about so don't hold me to it, but wasn't the only reason that Harry survived Voldy's AK was because of Lily dying to protect him or something like that? If I am right about that, then if Lily and James are alive, there's no magical protection for either of their sons and, therefore, still no BWL.

If someone could explain the logic behind this cliche to me it would be very appreciated, because I've tried reading a couple to find out for myself but have never made it past the first chapter before the weight of all the OoCness and character bashing threatened to crush me.
[/RANT]


*sigh*

On Topic...

Vampire/Veela!Draco fics. All of 'em. And if I have to explain why...well, I'd feel better leaving you in ignorance.

 

[Nebkreb]

A large amount of WrongBWL has the basic idea that Harry survives because of something other than his mother' sacrifice. Additionally, the stories usually have someone babysitting the twins and getting killed in the Potters' place (often, and ironically enough, it tends to be Petunia)

 

[Legendary Legacy]

Hm. Well that would clear up a little bit of confusion I had, though if I were to go by Petunia's treatment of Harry in canon, I can't really see her being at all willing to babysit for them, let alone dying to protect them. If anyone were likely to see Voldemort and say "Here, take 'em" and then run for the hills, I'd think it would be her.

Lupin or Sirius on the other hand: yeah, I could see that, though it still wouldn't sound like a type of fic that I would want to read considering the aforementioned OoCness and bashing would most likely still be present.

 

[ArchfiendRai]

Well, one justification for them could actually be quite simple.

Voldemort NOT being the idiot we see regularly, and actually an intelligent, powerful Dark Lord. Think Flames of Betrayal Voldemort.

Why, as we've seen in canon, would Voldemort blow down the doors/house and wake/alert everyone inside to the attack? Why not just go in while everyone was asleep, do the deed, and THEN gloat and blow down the house.

Like Nebkreb said,

A large amount of WrongBWL has the basic idea that Harry survives because of something other than his mother' sacrifice. Additionally, the stories usually have someone babysitting the twins and getting killed in the Potters' place (often, and ironically enough, it tends to be Petunia)

But in the end, that still leaves the 'How the fuck aren't they dead' portion. If it wasn't the mother's sacrifice, blame the prophecy. Quite simple. Or, be creative, and include everything from mathematical equations to a bunch of hypothetical situations instead of just one solution. Meh.

The part that usually gets ME is this; How the fuck did they mistake one from the other? THAT is the important part. Both of them canÆt have the scar, because the spell would have to be cast twice. Once got him killed/disembodied, howÆd he pull it off the second time? ôWhat? Are they ignoring the lightning bolt on my forehead? Iæm the one who got attacked over here!ö ôShush. Stop trying to steal *insert brotheræs name here*Æs thundah!ö

 

[ceyx0991]

Often times they will have the magical backlash scar the other one, and thus get them confused. Still after that point, how can they tell which one is the BWL?

 

[Euphemism]

If they can twist the world enough so that Harry's a twin, and that Lily and James are completely willing to ignore both their children, why not twist things so that Petunia and Lily got along enough for Petunia to babysit for them?

Of course, having Petunia sacrifice herself to protect Lily's children seems a bit unbelievable. Anyhow, we don't know how whatever it is that protected Harry works. Perhaps all it takes is the death of a blood relative in close proximity to trigger it. In general, the exact mechanisms of their survival is ignored in favour of the story. Not something that bothers me, really.

As for how it's missed... Usually the brother has a scar too.

But hey, the way the story goes, Dumbledore never notices until far too late that Harry's actually the BWL, if ever. Yeah... if he's that stupid, then no wonder he can call the wrong one the BWL.

You know what might be interesting as a story? If Dumbledore were the only one who realised and believed that Harry was the actual BWL, and mentors him or something. Haven't seen a good Mentor!Dumbledore story in a while.

 

[Jakkun]

There are so many things that need to be destroyed. Anything that has Draco or Snape in a relationship with Harry, Hermione, Ginny or Luna. Draco can get Pansy, that is fucking it. Snape can have sex with a bear trap for all I care. I don't really need to explain case by case why any of those possibilities suck do I?

The twin bullshit that results in one getting treated like shit and the other not. It just isn't going to happen. If the Potters die, then both twins will be sent to the Dursleys. Result, both get fucked over. If they live, they raise them pretty equally. Not likely to abuse one for any reason what so ever. Sure, they may favor one a bit, but not like they are going to be extremely obvious about it.

I don't care for Azkaban much. While I can believe the majority of the wizarding world turning on Harry and being assholes, as it is canon, I don't see Hermione doing so. Ron repeatedly proves that he is a fairweather friend and has no loyalty. The ministry is horribly corrupt, so they have no problems making shit up to throw him in jail, which is also canon. Dumbledore is a bastard, so he will probably let him rot for some inane reason.

There are probably some more, but I haven't looked through the listings in a while to find such garbage.

 

[torgrim]

Bloody Murder.

Just saw this on ficwad... it deserves a big WTF???

Not even a story.

 

[Eewec]

It amazes me that this thread exists in any form and three stories are not automatically added. Having said that they are a trilogy so they may only count as a single story in a way.

What am I blathering about you ask... you really don't know already?

OK, so "Harry Potter and the wi..ches' se...et" nope sorry can't bring my fingers to type out the title of that story.

It's the one true abomination of fan fiction.

Everyone has read it
Everyone agrees on it
Everyone has tried to bleach the contents of the story out of their minds with H2SO4
No one has succeeded.

 

[Parac]

Don't remind me of that story. :spank:

In general fics with over-characterization aren't too bad once in a while. Like turning Ron into a permanently obvious retard. That's kind of nice, rather than watching Harry trying to accommodate the fool every two paragraphs.

Things I don't like..

-Harry starting to smoke all of a sudden because it's cool. 1. -3rd smoke in his life in a space of 2 mins.

-Harry saying everything in caps.

-Harry's ex-friends (hi2u Azkaban) saying everything in caps.

-Anyone getting dibs on Tonks/Hermione/(sometimes Fleur) but Harry.


On a more serious note, one thing that really does irk me is how Snape is sometimes portrayed. I mean, yeah, sometimes he's a funny character, but wtf is it with people making him out to be some good-hearted martyr?

The guy is an asshat, and a fucking creepy, useless one at that. The one time he used Legillimency on Harry to find his old potion's book he probably learned more about defending his mind than the entire year.

And him lusting after Lily for over a decade after her death, and still insulting James every odd sentence.. that's not a sign of love, that's a sign of stalker syndrome.

I know I'm ranting, but those fics just irritate me to no end.

 

[mandalorianjedi]

~snip~

Things I don't like..

~snip~

On a more serious note, one thing that really does irk me is how Snape is sometimes portrayed. I mean, yeah, sometimes he's a funny character, but wtf is it with people making him out to be some good-hearted martyr?

The guy is an asshat, and a fucking creepy, useless one at that. The one time he used Legillimency on Harry to find his old potion's book he probably learned more about defending his mind than the entire year.

And him lusting after Lily for over a decade after her death, and still insulting James every odd sentence.. that's not a sign of love, that's a sign of stalker syndrome.

I know I'm ranting, but those fics just irritate me to no end.

I don't particularly like Snape, however... Look at it from his P.O.V.

There is one girl you've loved for as long as you can remember your entire life. There is also a guy that you've hated for just as long.

You've been this girl's bestfriend for as long as you've known her. One thoughtless sentence and she ends up in the arms of your most hated rival. They get married and have a kid and it looks like they'll get to live happily ever after.

Now, you stumble on some information. That info gets the woman you never stopped loving killed. Your only memory of her rests in the eyes of HER son. You're going to be bitter and self loathing. I've always believed that Snape hated Harry not because he was James' son, but the fact he was Lily's son. Had Lily had Harry with ANYONE else, I have little doubt Harry would have received that same treatment from Snape.

He's a man who should be pitied more than hated and loved as it's all his fault, he knows it.

Really though, a likeable Snape can still be written IN CHARACTER, as long as one remembers that he's a sad little man whose choices have lost him everything he ever wanted in life...

 

[Delcera]

I agree. I don't mind the fics where something happens to Harry that leads Snape to changing his opinions, but if he does it in two paragraphs, I want to burn that story.

 

[adevilinthedark]

Rise Of Revan

Oh yay, a Star Wars crossover, there is no way they could possibly screw this up.

*Five minutes later*

:headbanger:

Edit: Shit, wrong review. Damn copy and paste. Why hasn't mine appeared yet?

Oh well.

Not as bad as the usual shit on FF, but still pretty bad.

 

[darthturtle]

~snip~

Things I don't like..

~snip~

On a more serious note, one thing that really does irk me is how Snape is sometimes portrayed. I mean, yeah, sometimes he's a funny character, but wtf is it with people making him out to be some good-hearted martyr?

The guy is an asshat, and a fucking creepy, useless one at that. The one time he used Legillimency on Harry to find his old potion's book he probably learned more about defending his mind than the entire year.

And him lusting after Lily for over a decade after her death, and still insulting James every odd sentence.. that's not a sign of love, that's a sign of stalker syndrome.

I know I'm ranting, but those fics just irritate me to no end.

I don't particularly like Snape, however... Look at it from his P.O.V.

There is one girl you've loved for as long as you can remember your entire life. There is also a guy that you've hated for just as long.

You've been this girl's bestfriend for as long as you've known her. One thoughtless sentence and she ends up in the arms of your most hated rival. They get married and have a kid and it looks like they'll get to live happily ever after.

Now, you stumble on some information. That info gets the woman you never stopped loving killed. Your only memory of her rests in the eyes of HER son. You're going to be bitter and self loathing. I've always believed that Snape hated Harry not because he was James' son, but the fact he was Lily's son. Had Lily had Harry with ANYONE else, I have little doubt Harry would have received that same treatment from Snape.

He's a man who should be pitied more than hated and loved as it's all his fault, he knows it.

Really though, a likeable Snape can still be written IN CHARACTER, as long as one remembers that he's a sad little man whose choices have lost him everything he ever wanted in life...

"I see no difference" ruined any possibility of me liking Snape, something I was actually about to do at the resolution of the first book.

Fortunately, his insistence on acting like a tool to students managed to snap me out of it quick.

Even if his hate for Harry was completely justified, deserved, and whatever else anyone wants to claim, his attitude towards the rest of the students was unwarranted and unprofessional. Do everyone a favor and resign.

 

[Memory King]

Harry: "It's my fault Sirius/Cedric/Dumbledore/Hermione/ginny/Luna died.

Random character slaps Harry and says: "IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!"

The next time I read something like this, I swear I'll smash my Computer screen.

 

[Halcyon7]

Mpreg.

That is all. -_-

 

[H-Man]

Why is it bad for Harry to get Bright Slap'd?

 

[MonCappy]

~snip~

Things I don't like..

~snip~

On a more serious note, one thing that really does irk me is how Snape is sometimes portrayed. I mean, yeah, sometimes he's a funny character, but wtf is it with people making him out to be some good-hearted martyr?

The guy is an asshat, and a fucking creepy, useless one at that. The one time he used Legillimency on Harry to find his old potion's book he probably learned more about defending his mind than the entire year.

And him lusting after Lily for over a decade after her death, and still insulting James every odd sentence.. that's not a sign of love, that's a sign of stalker syndrome.

I know I'm ranting, but those fics just irritate me to no end.

I don't particularly like Snape, however... Look at it from his P.O.V.

There is one girl you've loved for as long as you can remember your entire life. There is also a guy that you've hated for just as long.

You've been this girl's bestfriend for as long as you've known her. One thoughtless sentence and she ends up in the arms of your most hated rival. They get married and have a kid and it looks like they'll get to live happily ever after.

Now, you stumble on some information. That info gets the woman you never stopped loving killed. Your only memory of her rests in the eyes of HER son. You're going to be bitter and self loathing. I've always believed that Snape hated Harry not because he was James' son, but the fact he was Lily's son. Had Lily had Harry with ANYONE else, I have little doubt Harry would have received that same treatment from Snape.

He's a man who should be pitied more than hated and loved as it's all his fault, he knows it.

Really though, a likeable Snape can still be written IN CHARACTER, as long as one remembers that he's a sad little man whose choices have lost him everything he ever wanted in life...

He is a scum bag who only deserves to die in agony and then endure an afterlife of eternal torment. He has no redeeming features whatsoever. I also doubt that one thoughtless comment is what destroyed a friendship that lasted several years. More than likely it was something that was building up for a while.

Then again, they were teenagers and teens aren't the most rational of people.

 

[semil]

I can't remember the name of the fic, I probably blocked that memory to avoid the emotional trauma.

The fic I'm thinking of had Americans end up at Hogwarts, some sort of horribly magical cellphone contraption, and the fic eventually degenerated into logs of various students and their screen names texting each other for the entire chapter.

 

[the DragonBard]

Then there are the fics where Harry is suddenly invited to join a group of powerful wizards who decide to help him out. The most recent versions, having the magnificent name of...

Wait for it...

Magical Magi...

Every time I see that name in a fic, I want to delete it from existence.

 

[CatOnFire]

Why is it bad for Harry to get Bright Slap'd?

Because inevitably anyone who bitch slap's Potter ends up as a love interest in those fics. Well except for Hermoine. If Luna, Susan, Snape, Draco or even Voldermort bitch slaps Potter they all become Dursley-style love interests, but if Hemoine does it it's a 'Just Friends' tough love.

 

[zeebee1]

My Immortal by Tara Gilesbie

To quote tvtropes:

My Immortal is an infamous Harry Potter fanfic written by Tara Gilesbie. It is was the most-reviewed fanfic on Fanfiction.net, with over 12,000 reviews. My Immortal tells the story of Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, a 7th-year Slytherin who's a beautiful "goff" and in love with Draco Malfoy. Everyone's so in love with her and she's So Beautiful, It's A CurseÖ. Gilesbie also turned characters she liked in Harry Potter into Satanist "goffs" who slit their wrists, shop at Hot Topic and move into Slytherin. Most of the other people (like Dumbledore) become preps who listen to Avril Lavigne and hate the goffs for no reason.

What little plot the fic has is centered around Voldemort trying to force Ebony Enoby to kill Draco (Voldemort only once requests Harry's death, for some bizarre reason), but after that's over it becomes mostly incomprehensible. Snape and Lupin are pedophiles who eventually get sent to Azkaban (or "Abhkazian"). Dumbledore then closes the school for unclear reasons. Enoby must then find the "bll ofda furchar" (presumably a prophecy) to defeat Voldemort, who is trying to turn all the goths into "preps", again for unclear reasons. There is a lot of sex, torture, rape, time travel (Marty McFly makes an inexplicable cameo), guns, goth concerts, ludicrous and confusing nicknames, dramatic entrances, tears of blood, wrist-cutting, homo/bisexuality, and clothing descriptions worthy of American Psycho. This is not to mention the OOC drama, ranging from Tara's constant interaction with her incensed reviewers, the rocky relationship between Tara and her best friend, Raven, as well as some back-and-forth between Tara and a mysterious "hacker." The constant spelling mistakes don't help the reader's understanding either. (Tara renders "Dumbledore" as "Dumblidarks" and "Dunblidorf" in the same line.) The story may or may not be the work of a Troll. If she is a troll, she's an incredibly skilled, determined, and realistic one.