Oh it's that story you love to hate.
= = =
Disclaimer: All in all it’s just another fic on the wall
ESCAPE FROM RANMA SAOTOME!
Presented by the Anonguy Workshop
[Step 4: As easy as 1-2-3]
A guide for when to make You+Me+She a Reality
Another day, another wasted effort as far as coming up with a plan to fix things. That was, at least, how Soun and Genma decided to view things when they sobered up after getting wasted when they couldn’t find the right and proper love charm. After their first day of browsing such illicit goods, Soun had swiftly learnt not to mention wanting to use it on his daughter.
Genma, meanwhile, learnt not to complain about his son loudly even as they were being chased away by angry shopkeepers. If they were incensed at Soun’s seemingly incestuous designs for their goods, they became far madder at learning his friend was apparently just as bad a father. However, what neither of them learned was the art of precise explanation of their goals, aims and why they were searching for the goods that had nothing to do with either of them wanting to make their children fall in love with them.
Pity it would have made things so much easier for them if they could talk to everyone as easy as they did a bartender.
Soun had at least graduated back into the school of alcohol induced brain injuries, and as such was nursing one hell of a hangover. Genma, meanwhile, had not been able to enjoy as much sake as his friend due to his head’s repeated meetings with blunt objects. Nevertheless, Soun looked like death warmed over while Genma appeared to be death slightly undercooked–an odd pairing to be sure.
“I tell you old friend,†Soun said gravely, “if only we weren’t such horrible parents, the schools would already be joined by now.â€
“Maybe, or if we’re being generous, the possibility wouldn’t be currently off the table, Tendo,†Genma intoned as he sat atop the garbage heap that had served as his bed for the night. While they had grown adept at earning small sums of cash under Happosai, they had not yet learned to control their vices and put the money to more practical use.
“It’s that son of yours!†Soun shouted, before his head throbbed and he collapsed back on his own heap in agony. “If he wasn’t such a coward…â€
“I raised him too well,†Genma agreed, noticeably missing the entire volume of irony that came with that statement. “If only I had taught him the discipline necessary to control his manliness… if only!†Genma started crying for no apparent reason whatsoever, which made Soun feel awkward.
“It’s okay Saotome, we’ll get those two back together, hook or crook.†Soun didn’t speak aloud his hangover induced insight that neither option would work, not without confronting one of the two first.
“I hope so, it’s for the future of our schools!†Genma looked towards the sky.
“Our dream!†Soun cried, looking heavenward as well.
“That’s nice you two, but if you don’t clear out of here in the next five minutes, I’m coming back with my boys and we’ll toss you out.†This voice belonged to a short man, whose ratty countenance made one believe in the might of animal husbandry.
“As amusing as that’d be little man,†Soun retorted with an amazing amount of haughtiness for a guy with a hangover that would cripple a dinosaur. “We have long since retired from picking on the weak. Come Saotome, the day is still young and we have places to be.â€
“Right behind you Tendo,†Genma said, eyeballing the little rat bastard for a good second before he and his hungover friend wobbled away from the garbage heap with their noses in the air.
“If only that old bat had left something behind.†Soun complained, referring to the fact that they had broken into the Cat Cafe the night of Akane dumping Ranma and found that Cologne had been incredibly thorough in packing up and leaving.
“Not that any of them would last for more than a day.†Genma grumbled, suddenly finding those mystic Amazon potions to be fair too temporary for his tastes.
“It would have been enough of a start at leastâ€, Soun argued as he had since they failed to retrieve anything, “Something to trace back to a stronger brew.â€
“Like that love pill bracelet.†Genma was really pissed now that he had realized that the lifetime pill had been wasted and the one Akane had ingested had already worn off.
“Curse you master!†Soun howled, the beginning of his fabled waterworks starting up. “If only you hadn’t wasted the pills!â€
Before they could dissolve into further disrespect for their teacher, both of their stomachs decided they would voice the need for them to get food soon.
“Ah,†Genma said, looking down. “I’m hungry.â€
“Same.†Soun agreed, looking around to see where they were. “Looks like we’ll have to put in some legwork to get our daily meal.â€
“Won’t be the first time.†Genma scoffed.
“Won’t be the last,†Soun reminded him with a sober tone. “We should start looking for some quick work so we can get paid so we can thus buy some food.â€
“That’s right. We can’t plan to rescue the future of the schools on an empty stomach.â€
And with that, the two masters of Indiscriminate Grappling sauntered out into the world, looking for temporary work.
- - -
Kasumi sighed as she finished washing the last of the dishes, another lunch spent alone after her father and Mr. Saotome had embarked on their quest to fix things. Normally, she’d be concerned with them making things worse, but she really hoped they could do something to get things back to how they were. It had only been a couple days, but it felt like an eternity had passed since Akane threw Ranma to the proverbial curb.
But that wasn’t really what she concerned herself about, oh not one bit. It had been when Akane had spoken out against both of her older sisters and their supposed meddling in her affairs. A tremor shook through her body and Kasumi clenched her hands into fists as she remembered the hatred and bile her beloved little sister had spewed forth.
That she had been right on the nose with everything she had said only made it worse.
Not pinpoint accuracy mind you, but more throwing a boulder in the general direction of the problem. Kasumi sighed again, wishing she could have had the courage to correct her erstwhile sister. Maybe Akane could have admitted she was wrong about Ranma too, but more importantly, wrong about what she had said.
“I do care,†she whispered to herself, and in the stillness of the house, she could almost believe it.
Yet, those words and accusations still stung, the wounds running deep into her proverbial core. The apparent ring of truth to them only caused more of a quandary in the eldest Tendo sister, one she couldn’t quash with a flick of the wrist. Had she really been so blind to her sister’s suffering, so dismissive of her feelings that she had caused this rift?
“I’m home.†Nabiki’s voice wafted through the house, interrupting her older sister’s downward spiral.
“Welcome home!†Kasumi called, trying to put enough warmth into her words. “I thought you had cram school today.â€
“I didn’t feel like going, plus I’m already far enough ahead that I don’t need to go everyday,†Nabiki explained, entering the kitchen with a slightly cautious step. “Akane isn’t home is she?â€
“No, she’s out with Shampoo,†Kasumi replied, veiling her disapproving tone with one of concern.
“Good, I don’t feel like seeing her today,†Nabiki said with equal measures of relief and disgust. The less she had to see of her, after the last few days the better. While Akane’s words didn’t weigh as heavily on the middle sister, her attitude and actions since–with taking back all of the clothes the middle Tendo sister borrowed being the very least of the offenses–left her with an anger as raw as Kasumi's ineffectual self-loathing.
“You shouldn’t say that,†Kasumi said out of habit mostly, which was why she looked away when Nabiki snapped a glare at her,
“Saying what one is not supposed is all the rage these days,†Nabiki spat, setting her satchel on the table. “Has Daddy come back yet?â€
“No.â€
“Even better.†Nabiki let out a sigh and decided to raid the fridge for a snack.
“Do… do you think things will ever be the way they were?†Kasumi didn’t mean to sound so small, but everything was so foreign to her she just couldn’t bear the idea that this was the way things were going to be.
“Akane's done a bang up job of making sure it won't.†Nabiki had witnessed Akane's determination yesterday morning, an unpleasant and primal scene to say the least. “Maybe it’s for the best it turned out this way.â€
“How can you say that?†Kasumi snapped, tears beginning to form in her eyes.
“Because Ranma will finally have to man up!†Nabiki shouted, slamming the refrigerator door sans snack. “Nothing was getting solved before but now there’s a chance things can finally be settled.â€
“But what if he can’t do it?â€
“Who fucking cares?†Nabiki looked at Kasumi as if she grew an extra head. “Either they all kiss and make up or they fucking don’t. Sitting there worrying about pointless shit is why Akane chewed you out in the first place.â€
“But she really did like him!†Kasumi didn’t seem to have heard what Nabiki had said. “I couldn’t have been wrong; all the same signs were there like with Dr. Tofu!â€
“And she sure ended up with him, didn’t she Cupid?†Nabiki snarked, deciding if Kasumi wanted to be what she took her rage out on then so be it.
“That…†Kasumi lost her bluster and looked at the floor again.
“Quit being stupid about what Akane said.†Nabiki turned away from her sister, reining in the impulse to shout at her further. “Whether she was right or wrong doesn’t even matter. This is about respect.â€
“Are you that scared of her?†Kasumi recalled the rather grim threat Akane had leveled towards Nabiki.
“Not as much as you’re scared she’s right.â€
A moment of silence passed and Kasumi knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that was what was eating her up so much.
“But what do we do?†Kasumi asked quietly, wishing for answers to all of this.
“Make her admit she was wrong in how she handled it,†Nabiki said, her tone tipping off exactly what she was actually referring to. “I don’t care if Ranma comes back, and outside of a pity fuck, neither do you.â€
Kasumi turned red. “Nabiki! I-I don’t like him like that.â€
“You’ve thought about it.†Nabiki turned and stared Kasumi in the eye.
“That… yes… I have…†In that briefest moment before Ranma last left the house, Kasumi almost crossed the line Akane drew on the sand.
“I did too, for probably all of a half-second.†Nabiki's snark-laced admission surprised Kasumi, but such honesty actually helped to mend the pain she felt. Not a worldly lot, but some. “But that's that. We're honestly better off without him and the Panda eating our food, wrecking our house, or generally lowering the property value by just hanging around. Akane just needs to stop acting like this is her party and she can step on whomever she wantsâ€
At that, Kasumi offered a quiet nod assent.
Nabiki blew out another sigh. “Think you could whip me something up right quick? I could use something to eat.â€
“Heh… okay.†Kasumi wiped the remnants of tears from her eyes, relieved to fall back into her usual role.
“I’ll be upstairs then.†Nabiki turned and exited the kitchen. Once she was out of sight, she collapsed against the wall and took a steadying breath. “That’s right, who needs Ranma anyways?â€
None of the Tendo sisters did, but driving him away once Akane admitted she really did care about him would be a nice bit of payback for that verbal thrashing.
“Don’t blame me Akane… you brought this on yourself.â€
- - -
“So,†Akane began as she looked to her side at Ukyo. â€How bad was Ranma?â€
“Par of the course for him at the start,†Ukyo answered, looking towards the sky as she and Akane walked down the sidewalk towards the heart of Nerima. It was clear and sunny, just how it should be for their date. “But he lost it when I didn’t start ripping my clothes off in deference to his eminent sexiness.â€
“That sounds just like him.†Ranma did always take slights to his skills worse than slights to his person. “It doesn’t surprise me that he can’t handle himself now that we’re gone.â€
“He’s so out of it, he was working with Mousse of all people.†Ukyo laughed. “Must have been Mousse’s idea to try and equate his problem with us and ours with the pursuers we had picked up.â€
“He said that?†Akane wanted to have expected something so silly from Ranma, but the idea that their situations were like his was preposterous.
“He did, even kept a straight face too.†Ukyo had to give that to her ex-fiance, he was able to say some patently stupid shit without losing control of himself.
“Pathetic.†Akane couldn’t bring herself to say more than that.
“Yeah.â€
A nice silence lapsed over them as they walked down the street, putting further distance from Ucchan’s.
“You have anywhere in mind for this date?†Ukyo asked, after a couple seconds of extended silence. They couldn’t exactly dump on Ranma all the time, even if they did want to.
“I had a few things in mind,†Akane said with a smile. “Someplace fun first, then some dinner, and then a nice walk through the park after.â€
“Dinner and dancing, then?â€
“Yes but without the dancing…†Akane smiled. “I'm not exactly the best dancer.â€
Ukyo coughed a little and turned to cover her blush. Ah, she is so cute when she smiles… “Well that's okay; I’ve never danced so I’m probably no good too.â€
“Well that won't be a problem unless someone challenges you to DDR where we're going, there’s an arcade a block or two from here,†Akane said cheerfully.
“I didn’t take you for a gamer, Akane-chan.†Ukyo giggled a little at the mental picture that brought up: Akane wrapped in a blanket, sitting in front of a Playstation, surrounded by snacks, and obsessively smacking around some bad guy as the world went on around her. Actually, that mental image was kind of cute too.
“I’m not; I just like to let off some steam once in awhile.â€
“Punching machines?â€
“Nah, they stopped ordering those after I broke the fifth one. Fighting games help, but I’m more partial to the old school beat-em-up genre.â€
“A bit of catharsis after school?â€
“Oh yes, very much so. It's more fun than breaking bricks, too.â€
The two trailed off as they stopped outside the Young Kings Arcade, a modest place with a modest selection of games. It wasn’t the best arcade by any stretch, but it did its job with a workman-like charm. By Akane’s measure, it was a sanctuary where she could escape from the maelstrom of bullshit that was her school life.
“What a nice little place,†Ukyo said. It was no hyperbole; the arcade could be charitably called a large hole in the wall.
“It’s what kept me sane before Ranma showed up, though it’s been awhile since I came here to relax.â€
“Well, you can show me around and then… show me your moves.†Ukyo wrapped a friendly arm behind Akane’s shoulder with her Captain Falcon impression.
“Yes!†Akane’s mimic of Captain Falcon’s voice was slightly better as they stepped into the arcade, finding it sparsely populated by a variety of people.
“Ah, Akane-chan!†came the voice of an old man, the owner of this place as he shuffled to greet his favorite customer. Despite being well into his sixties, maybe even his seventies, he wore a well-worn Street Fighter II t-shirt and a replica of Terry Bogard’s hat like any other fighting game otaku. “It’s been too long.â€
“It has and I’m sorry for it.†Akane gestured to Ukyo with her head. “This is my friend, Ukyo. I wanted to show her one of my favorite places.â€
“Welcome indeed, a friend of Akane-chan is a friend of mine,†the old man said, bowing his head. “I hope you enjoy your time here.â€
“Thanks uh…â€
“Hashimoto, that is all you need to refer to me as,†Hashimoto replied, nodding his head a little. “Now I won’t keep you from your games…†He very swiftly shuffled away, humming a happy little tune.
“So…†Ukyo said, looking at Akane who just laughed.
“If we come by a couple more times, you’ll get used to him.†Akane said, before grabbing Ukyo’s arm. “Come on, I want to see if my corner is still here…â€
- - -
“Shampoo may have bit of more than can chew,†The ex-Amazon whispered to herself as she moved to put the open sign back outside. “But Shampoo is friend, so friend is having to do favors now and then.†Plus she had leverage for getting time off for personal issues if it came down to it, so it was a win for her in the long run.
That’s what she signed up for when she took this job, and just what she asked for when she became their friend. Shampoo hurried to make sure everything was set for the incoming people, it wouldn’t do to hurt business so soon after being entrusted with the place. Soup was simmering, ramen was ready to drop, batter was mixed, and the griddle was running hot.
Now all that was needed was customers…
Luck was on her side, as it was only 2 minutes after reopening that she had gotten her first wave of customers.
“Nihao! Is Shampoo by self today, please understand if slow,†Shampoo said to the first couple customers, flashing her winning smile and melting more than a few brains… figuratively speaking of course.
“Ah, that’s okay,†said the first guy in line, scratching the back of his neck.
“What is you having?â€
“Pork ramen please with hot sour soup.â€
“Shrimp okonomiyaki with extra spring onions!â€
“Your phone number!â€
The two men turned to their friend.
“Worth a shot. Just give me some pork ramen too, just regular broth please.â€
“Shampoo happy to serve!†she cried, springing into action with her usual spunk.
And so things settled into a routine, Shampoo getting orders and whipping them up with speed, people paying and enjoying their food. The chatter was brisk but friendly; leaving the distinct impression that Ukyo being gone did not mean losing out on that homely charm they had come to love. But as usual, the good times had to come crashing to a halt just when it was getting to feel like today wasn’t going to suck a lot of ass.
“Yes, is having order?†Shampoo asked, feeling a vague sense of familiarity with the two girls staring a hole through her.
In the presence of Shampoo, Yuka tried to keep her cool. “Ah, n-no, not really, ee just wanted to talk to Ukyo.â€
“Can talk to Shampoo, has ears, can listen very well yes?†Shampoo retorted, eyeing Sayuri when she giggled a little too loud. “Is that problem?â€
“Not at all, not at all!†Sayuri squeaked, hiding behind Yuka.
“It’s kind of something for Ukyo specifically,†Yuka said.
“About job?â€
“About Akane.â€
There was a long, pregnant pause as Shampoo finally put names to the faces.
“Ah, you is Tomboy friends, Stupid Girl 1 and Stupid Girl 2.†Shampoo sighed, wondering just how Akane's ex-friends intended to ruin her mood and day.
“Hey we’re not stupid!†Sayuri snapped back before shrinking back behind Yuka when Shampoo turned a look upon her.
“Is too, too bad, Spatula Girl is out,†Shampoo replied with a shrug of her shoulders.
Yuka began, “Well we’ll wait here-â€
“Spatula Girl be out all day, maybe all night. Is out with Tomboy on date, yes?â€
Sayuri squeaked a little at that, Yuka’s jaw fell free.
“She's not seriously…†Yuka trailed off.
“Not seriously what? Tomboy is what Tomboy say, Shampoo was knowing that first hand,†Shampoo purred suggestively.
Yuka wasn’t sure how to take that last part, so she ignored it. “I thought she was just mad when she said… that.â€
Shampoo set her jaw at that insidious insinuation. “You is thinking lots of things, and none is too, too smart.â€
“But she's really not!†Sayuri cried, tears beginning to form around the edge of eyes. “Akane and Ranma have fights all the time but-â€
“Now they is having fights none of time, is better yes?†Shampoo interrupted.
Sayuri wasn't beating that logic but damn if she didn't give it the college try. “Akane fought with him, yeah, but she never left him before because even though he screwed up a lot of times… s-she knew there was a better person under there! We all know there is, you know there is!â€
“Yes, Shampoo know,†Shampoo replied.
“Then why-?â€
“You is not knowing. Shampoo chase Ranma long time, read him like easy book, yes?†Shampoo sighed a little, absent mindedly cleaning the griddle. “Shampoo see times Ranma is good, good person, even to Shampoo, but Ranma is also bad, bad person. Ranma is thinking Ranma is not responsible for bad, bad things Ranma is always doing.â€
“You're not really any better!†Sayuri shot back.
Shampoo sniffed. “Shampoo was having good, good reason to chase Ranma forever and marry–Shampoo can no go home ever again if Ranma not marry. Shampoo chase with all Shampoo has because that only way to get home and be with Shampoo village and family. If you was in same bad, bad problem, would Stupid Girls be nice?â€
“So why did you just quit, then?â€
“Even if Tomboy or Spatula Girl not in way, Ranma no marry Shampoo, Ranma was thinking Shampoo just cute, cute girl who feed and give attentions to Ranma. Now Shampoo wish Ranma was real girl, so Shampoo could kill and go home.†And take Akane and Ukyo with her, they'd be perfect for the village and well-received if she had any say.
“But,†Sayuri said, looking down anywhere but directly at her, “Didn’t you love him?â€
“Shampoo love village, and family, and all things Shampoo can no go back to ever,†Shampoo replied with a slightly sad tone. “Ranma is big, big obstacle to going back to place where Shampoo is wanted and loved, but even when being too, too nice, Ranma never marry Shampoo.â€
Sayuri said nothing, simply becoming silent and wishing to disappear into the floor. Finding her sufficiently cowed, the ex-Amazon looked to Yuka as she began preparing ingredients. “Spatula Girl closer with Ranma than Shampoo, but Ranma was never giving love to Spatula Girl either. Tomboy always hated Ranma, but always try, yes? She is too, too nice but explode too, too easy, and Ranma always throw fuel on fire when Tomboy just want love. Ranma no love anyone but Ranma.â€
In the face of Shampoo's viewpoint, Yuka tried to pull a card from up her sleeve. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe he thinks you all are crazy so he wants to keep away from you emotionally? Maybe if you looked at it from his point of view, you'd figure out how to get him to love you all back.â€
Shampoo plucked the figurative card from Yuka's hand and crushed it in front of her in all of her haughty, if suppressed, fury. “Ranma no want that, Ranma is just wanting things back to normal, where Ranma is happy.â€
“Then why don't you all get together and make him happy?! You're all friends now, can't you share him or something?!†Yuka asked in her exasperation. “You'd be able to go back home and Akane and Ukyo would have a guy who loves them, and Ranma would have three girls who all love him!â€
Shampoo laughed gaily at that. “No.â€
“Why not?â€
“Tomboy and Spatula Girl is gay.â€
“And Ranma turns into a girl!â€
“Ranma is man even when girl.â€
“What difference does that make; he still has the parts they'd like!â€
Shampoo rolled her eyes at that. “You is really being number 1 stupid girl.â€
Yuka wanted to scream in frustration, but was interrupted by someone throwing a wadded napkin at her head.
“You quit badgering the chef you stupid cow and get out of here so we can order!†a customer in a line now going out the door yelled. Several other voices joined in shouting angrily at the pair.
Shampoo took a deep breath, releasing her anger “Shampoo is suggesting you leave. As no Shampoo place to say can no ever come back, you may return. But Shampoo is warning, if you is coming back to be stupid, you is being thrown out like trash.â€
“But-â€
“Line is behind you, you is not ordering food so you is leaving.â€
Yuka turned to Sayuri for support but found her friend had already fled.
“You coward!†Yuka swore as she turned and ran from the restaurant.
“Shampoo is sorry for make scene,†Shampoo said, apologizing to the crowd.
“It’s okay.†This came from the girl who had been standing behind the twosome from before. “Honestly, I’d probably have hit them myself.â€
“You’re okay Shampoo-san,†another of the customers called out. “I’m glad you managed to survive the closure of the Cat Cafe!â€
“Aiyah, thank you!†Shampoo bowed her head, before raising it again. “No can give free food, but hope to make too, too delicious food for all.â€
A bit of cheering broke out, showing nigh universal approval of that idea.
- - -
“KO!†shouted the arcade machine as Akane won her 14th straight round against the other patrons.
“Wow, you haven’t lost a beat,†the defeated young man said, leaving behind the 4 token bet as was tradition that added to the small mountain next to her the Hashimoto set up.
“When you said you used to play, I didn’t think you’d be this good,†Ukyo admitted, having watched Akane win seven straight matches without losing a round.
“It’s because I’m so ‘clumsy’ right?†Akane asked.
“… Oh!†Ukyo gasped, as she realized just how much that would hurt Akane’s self-image. “Sorry, I just-â€
“No, it’s okay,†Akane said with a smile as she beckoned her next challenger on. “I know you didn’t mean it like that. When it comes to girly things, the only thing I’m about good for is my taste in clothes and figure skating, everything else is stuff like this… and beating up people.â€
Ukyo was part relieved and part surprised. A more hair-trigger Akane would’ve exploded at that, she has really mellowed out.
“Well if you’re okay with things being like that then so am I.†Ukyo said, looking at the game. Capcom vs. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World wasn’t the most popular game in Japan, but it had its followers due to the wide cast available and quirky humor given to the specials and supers. “I never knew a game like this existed.â€
“Not many people do, it was something Capcom did on a whim for a quick fistful of cash.†Akane said, diverting her focus just a tad as the person who challenged her was less than bad. “There’s a push on both sides of the ocean for it to be featured at EVO.â€
Ukyo had seen the poster near the machine, hoping people could help push this game to EVO. “So what’s that?â€
“Big fighting game tournament, beyond old cabinets like these and more towards home consoles with controls modeled after the arcade stick.†Akane finished the round with a perfect, enjoying the end cutscene. “Hashimoto-san likes the game a lot, so he’s always stumping for it.â€
And that’d explain the poster. “So what about you?â€
“It’s a fun little mix between the hardcore combo fests where you exploit one or two things for one-combo kills and schlocky casual fighters that rely more on character charm and story,†Akane said, shrugging her shoulders as she closed out her 15th victory in a row. “It’s a nice game that doesn’t take itself too seriously while being challenging enough not to bore me.â€
“Sounds like fun,†Ukyo watched Akane beat the living daylights out of her next opponent. “You’ll have to teach me how to play sometime.â€
“Oh I will, if only so I can lord my superiority over you.†Akane’s tone took a slightly evil edge.
“You better hope I don’t turn out to be some prodigy at games then.â€
“If you do, then I'll just make you my meal-ticket to EVO.†Having boxed her opponent into a corner, Akane proceeded to crush him into the ground with what Ukyo found to be a very creative use of drum sticks and pure unrelenting hatred of everyone (including you).
“Oh man, you are the real deal!†her opponent said in graceful defeat. “You’re going to be around more, right?â€
Akane smiled. “Sure will.â€
As the opponent left after handing her his four-token fee, Akane offered them to Ukyo. “Come on, give it a try. We can play tag against the computer so you can give it a try.â€
Ukyo smiled. “All right, but if I get a higher score than you, don’t be mad.â€
“In the unlikely event it happens, I won’t.â€
And just like that, the good times were interrupted.
“At last, I have found you Akane Tendo!†The bombastic voice of Tatewaki Kuno, age 17, shook the room. “I have searched everywhere for you, fearing you had been banished by the foul Saotome!â€
“A new challenger appears eh?†Ukyo joked, watching as the Kendoist strutted towards Akane.
“Not now Kuno,†Akane said, with a slight bit of warning. “I’m trying to trip a flag.â€
Ukyo couldn’t help a small blush at that.
“But my love-†Kuno started, only for Ukyo to step forward and grab him by the front of his gi.
“She said not now, buster.†Ukyo said before bodily pushing him back.
“And who are you churl?†Kuno demanded.
“Ukyo Kuonji, Akane is with me.â€
Recognition dawned. “The gourmet who parlays with Saotome,†Kuno said.
“I think you mean parley.â€
Kuno stared. “I am confused, you are a woman?â€
Ukyo looked down at her more feminine attire, a short blue dress with her usual black leggings rather than the kimono she normally wore. She looked back up at Kuno. “I’m very much a woman, yes.â€
“I see! Until this moment I was under the impression you were an effeminate eunuch!â€
Ukyo cocked back to punch Kuno, but Akane grabbed her arm and shook her head. “Please don’t, I’d rather not have him put through a wall here.â€
At that, Ukyo relented.
“But as you are but another helpless maiden underneath Saotome’s sway, I would not be averse to welcoming you to my arms as well.â€
Akane had to hold Ukyo back with most of her might. “Down, girl!†She looked to her accoster. “Kuno, go away.â€
“Please, allow me to make my case! I feel that you must hear what I have to say, it may very well spare you the shame and humiliation of your curse!â€
Akane held firm against Ukyo, but gave Kuno a blank look. “My curse?â€
“Yes, the unspeakable curse cast upon you by Saotome for daring to defy him.â€
“The curse of happiness?†Akane asked.
Ukyo calmed down. “Oh no, however will you be able to live with it?â€
“I meant your unnatural hatred for men.â€
Akane let Ukyo go, but sadly her rage had been completely averted. “I’m pretty sure that’s your fault.â€
“Yes, I was not there to protect you from his wrath, but that is different! Come, Akane, fall into my embrace so I may acquaint you with the firm, loving touch of a man!â€
Akane rolled her eyes. “Kuno, I’m a les-â€
“Don’t say such lies; I know that is not you speaking!†Kuno interjected. “Akane, you are a fair maiden of unspoiled purity and grace. Such a warm, tender soul as yours can only be intertwined with the passionate, virile soul of a man!â€
Ukyo was less angry and more completely exasperated, almost on the verge of actually laughing. Akane too was remaining cool towards Kuno. “But I don’t want to be intertwined with a man, especially you.â€
Kuno pulled a grimace. “Clearly it is because you have not seen the true beauty of masculinity.â€
“I don’t know, most of the men I know pride themselves of being paragons of men, you included,†Akane pointed out.
At that, Kuno let out a wry chuckle, and a gleam appeared in his eyes. “Oh my beloved… only out of concern for your chastity, have I restrained my awe-inspiring virility. Now, under these extraordinary circumstances, I must unleash the full weight of my manliness!â€
Before Akane or Ukyo could say another word, Kuno grabbed his clothes and literally flung them off, leaving his impressively built body clad only in a fundoshi. As both girls stared, wide-eyed, Kuno immediately flexed his muscles in a bodybuilder's pose.
“Akane, Kuonji look at this body! This magnificent body! This beautiful, perfect body! I work out!†He moved into another pose. “This sculpted, hard physique, begging for your soft touch!â€
Ukyo looked to the side with a hand over her mouth. Akane couldn’t tell if she was laughing, dry-heaving, or both.
“This is what a real man is, Akane! This is what a woman must lust for upon sight, even if she dallies with softer flesh! Man and Woman, connected in mind, body, and soul! These are the rules of nature!â€
Kuno closed his eyes and held up a microphone. “So come, away with me, and I will show you a world of unyielding pleasure that only a man can deliver a woman! You may bring along Kuonji as I have more than enough virility to spare for her, and the Pigtailed Girl as well!â€
He opened his eyes as he performed a pelvic thrust in Akane’s direction, only to find not Akane but Hashimoto, a couple of police officers, and every other patron of the arcade glaring at him. Akane and Ukyo were most certainly not among them. “Ah? Where did-?â€
“Get that pervert out of my arcade!†Hashimoto demanded.
The two officers were the first to set upon Kuno with tasers and nightsticks, followed by the arcade patrons furious that this pervert had driven out the two cute girls that had come to visit.
- - -
Ukyo was still trying to catch her breath from laughing far too hard at what she and Akane had been subjected to.
“He… he actually had ‘Manly Man’ tattooed across his chest!†Ukyo held onto Akane as she tried to remain standing.
“I think that was permanent marker,†Akane pointed out.
Ukyo stopped for a moment, and then laughed even harder.
Akane pouted. “I’m glad you thought it was funny, he completely ruined the arcade part of the date.â€
“Yeah, if it wasn’t a place you liked so much though we could’ve gotten rid of him quick.â€
“Even if we weren’t there…â€
Ukyo raised an eyebrow. “Akane?â€
“… Hitting them has never worked as well as just walking away from it does. When Ranma burst in on me and Shampoo and freaked out, I could’ve hit him, but that’s normal to him, and Kuno, and all of these dumb boys.â€
“It can’t be this easy though, can it?â€
Akane shrugged her shoulders. “I guess I’m being optimistic, or living with Shampoo has made me pretty confident.†A blush of embarrassment colored Akane’s face. “Ah… I didn’t mean to say it like that…â€
Ukyo’s eyebrows rose in amazement, before she smirked teasingly. “If that’s what works for you Sugar… but you really shouldn’t talk about other girls while on a date with one.†When Akane suddenly slid her arm around her waist and pulled her close, Ukyo’s gaze met Akane’s for a brief second before the flush of emotions that came over her turned her away. Ah…
With a smile Akane pressed herself more intimately against Ukyo, and brought her lips close enough to the okonomiyaki chef’s ear to just barely brush against it as she whispered huskily, “I’m sorry, I won’t think of anyone else but Ukyo-chan from now on.â€
Ukyo’s face turned completely red as a spike of warmth seemed to transfer from Akane straight into her heart.
“So!†Akane said, pulling back with a hum. “I know a nice little place not too far from here. Daddy used to treat my sisters and me to it a few times.â€
“I-I see,†Ukyo said, taking a few breaths to get herself under control again. “So what does it serve?â€
“A few different things, it starts at curry and branches out into all things fried.†Akane gave a little shrug. “It’s a very different place, but the food is exceptional.â€
“Sounds like fun,†Ukyo said, stretching a little. “I haven’t had a real chance to actually try Tokyo food before now.â€
“This will be a good first time then.†Akane said, looking at their surroundings. “Come on, it’s over this way.†She took hold of Ukyo’s hand and took a sharp left at the next corner. Ukyo allowed herself to be led, damning herself and the bright blush that refused to leave her face.