Ranma ½ [TAW] Escape From Ranma Saotome!

[ThreadWeaver]

I believe you have Crohn's, if memory serves correctly.

If I'm right, I feel your pain. I was diagnosed at age 4 with the most aggressive form of Crohn's. The first 18 years of my life was spent in and out of hospitals. Crohn's can be so bad that I wouldn't wish it on ANYONE. At least some of the more virulent terminal diseases put you out of your misery fairly quickly. If your doctors are good, they can stretch your suffering out for decades.

Aye, you are right. I've not had a day of remission in the 24 years I've had Crohn's. Fifteen Crohn's related surgeries later and they've moved onto the "holy crap" meds that cost $2000 a month, yet I'm not as bad off as many are. I, like you, wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Okay, maybe Gendo Ikari or Voldemort, but I have the clear conscience of knowing they're fictitious...

 

[Sebazu]

Honestly i'm kind of disapointed there wasnt more ranting in other directions.
Every(or at least almost every) single character from Ranma 1/2 is an asshole, insane, negligent or all of the above so there's actually a lot of material for that...it would be kind of funny for a short oneshot if after ranting every remotely important character left Nerima at the same in the way Ranma usually does in fics with all the normal people in Nerima living happily ever after XD

 

[The Ero-Sennin]

Hey, it's more of Ranma.


= = =


Legal Disclaimer: YOU CAN’T HAVE ANY PUDDING IF YOU DON’T EAT YOUR MEAT!


ESCAPE FROM RANMA SAOTOME!
Presented by The Anonguy Workshop

[Step 3: Dr. Girlslove]
Or how I learned to stop worrying and love the ladies


Today was Ukyo’s busiest and most profitable day since she opened up Ucchan’s. All of her previous records were smashed, bashed, and trashed and as Ukyo stared at her bottom line she wanted to dance around her restaurant in her underwear the second she closed it up. An odd way to celebrate but it was her restaurant she can do what she wants.

“Damn it feels good to be an entrepreneur,” she said as she looked at the print out of the day’s numbers. “If this keeps up I’ll be able to afford more than just Shampoo as an employee. Oh, maybe even a motorized cart and someone else to work from it!”

As much as she loved it, she still couldn’t help the feeling that it was all a little too good to be real. Honestly, all she had to do was dump Ranma and suddenly the whole damn world was falling into her lap. There had to be a downside to it all, the proverbial other shoe that had not yet fallen.

“Ugh, today was terrible. Akane can go to hell.”

Oh, could this be it? She stopped when she heard the low conversation going on at one of the tables. They were a few female Furinkan students, trying to quietly converse.

“Keep it down, Kuonji and her are friends, remember?”

“I don’t care!” the first girl snapped back in heated anger. “Not only are all the guys obsessed with Akane again, she’s still being a pig headed bitch about things.”

Ukyo was tempted to break things up, but she wanted to find out what she had missed at school by focusing on changing her business up.

“You’re going to get us kicked out and banned from here, Yayoi,” the third in the group whispered, pinching the first girl on the side. “I know you’re upset about Masaki, but ruin your own life without taking us with you.”

“Shut up Shizuya!” Yayoi growled, ready to haul off and deck the girl. “I didn’t even get beyond holding his hand before he threw me away for that bitch.”

“Yayoi, calm down already,” the second girl whispered, slapping the table. “Masaki would have been more receptive to you if you didn’t seem like you wanted to eat him alive from dick on in.”

“Kikuko…” Yayoi growled, before Shizuya pinched her cheek rather hard. “Ow!”

“Calm the fuck down,” Shizuya snapped, letting go of her face. “Yuka and Sayuri blew it for everyone, so if you getting mad at someone, start with them first.”

“Akane is the reason I’m single now,” Yayoi argued, rubbing her cheek.

“You’re single because you have shitty taste in boys,” Kikuko said with a sigh. “Look, we need to figure out a better way to ply Akane if we’re going to get her officially off the market again and open things back up for the rest of us.”

“Why don’t we just skip a district over?” Shizuya asked, pulling out several fliers for neighboring high schools. “There’s bound to be plenty of single guys who don’t even know who Akane is and we’ll not even have to bother with Akane.”

“That’s a lot of work just for a boyfriend,” Kikuko pointed out.

“And so is convincing Akane to date a guy!” Shizuya countered, slapping her hand on the table again. “At least give it more thought than not wanting to commute a little more to see your boyfriend. I mean, I assume all three of us are here because we don’t like being single!”

“It’s a possibility,” Yayoi decided to consider giving a small bit of effort in this. Furinkan had a decent set of boys, but they were incredibly dumb even for boys. “But I don’t like swimming out of my waters just because Akane got a wild hair up her butt and dumped him again.”

“The last time wasn’t this bad,” Kikuko said, shaking her head in remembrance. “Most of the guys figured there’s no way even Saotome could handle Nabiki for too long so they didn’t jump too hard at her.”

“Hey, I don’t like having to poach other girl’s water,” Shizuya defended herself, “But I’m not pinning my hopes on Akane listening to us, if at all.”

All this talk of fishing gave Yayoi an idea. “Hey… what if we got one of those magic fishing poles? Then Ranma could easily get Akane back.”

Kikuko grimaced at that, while Shizuya gasped in recollection. “Yeah, it turned Ranma gay for Ryoga, so maybe it’ll turn Akane straight for Ranma!”

“Come on, would that even work?” Kikuko asked.

“I’m willing to try anything if it means she stops being an insufferable bitch!” Yayoi hissed.

“How interesting,” Ukyo said, causing all three conspirators to freeze up. “Oh don’t mind me, keep talking about my friend like that, I want to hear how deep you dig yourselves.” Ukyo smiled, the sunny exterior giving off a rather chilling vibe underneath.

“We’re sorry,” the three chorused. Maybe they were sorry they were caught, but it was better to apologize before they did something to set the chef off.

“Nah, it’s cool,” Ukyo said, waving them off. “I mean, you are conspiring against my friend and that pisses me off like you won’t believe but I ain’t gonna throw out paying customers on that.”

Yayoi cringed and tried to put Shizuya between Ukyo and herself.

“However, I can understand the frustration you lot must be having.” The three looked towards the chef in confusion, even halting the struggle between the two girls. “After all, I’d be afraid of my ability to land a guy if all the hits I ever got were of fish throwing themselves onto my boat.”

“H-hey,” Shizuya protested weakly, not liking the implication that the boys they had dated up to now had just been desperate to have a girlfriend and not because they actually liked them. Yayoi turned red as Kikuko looked down at the table.

“Ah well, I’m sure once you stop being so petty, you’re probably very nice.” Ukyo laughed, slapping her thigh in an effort to keep from losing control. “I mean, if the guys over in the next town over don’t know you’re all just silver medals to the guys of Furinkan, then they’ll probably take you on looks alone.”

“You…” Yayoi was three seconds from getting her shit ruined forever, but was tackled and held down by her friends.

“Don’t worry sugar, I’m not one to throw people out of my restaurant for good.” Ukyo spun the spatula off her back and slammed the handle into the floor. “However! I will give you some free advice: If you’re going to make plots against my friend, then you shouldn’t do it in my place.”

Shizuya pulled the thrashing Yayoi, whom was screaming unintelligible insults at Ukyo, out of the booth. Kikuko looked at Ukyo and sighed, bowing significantly.

“I’m sorry about my friends… and myself as well,” Kikuko said. “We eat here everyday and usually everyone’s in a better mood.”

Ukyo waved off the apology. “No harm done, but make sure it stays that way and I won’t have to hunt any of you down. I trailed Ranma for ten years, I doubt some boy crazy bitches will be hard to find.”

Kikuko turned and left, and Ukyo almost felt bad.

“So that’s what’s going on.” Ukyo had gathered from Akane’s appearance earlier something big had gone down. Though the youngest Tendo had not said anything directly, the okonomiyaki chef could understand that her friend had come to a very personal revelation. “Just more crap to help her deal with, but that’s fine by me.”

She nodded and turned to go back to work, her mind satisfied with everything as presented. But somewhere deep in her subconscious, a door opened up…

- - -

Arms folded, Ranma walked down the road towards the Tendo home, doing what he had been doing since ran off into the night yesterday: trying to figure out for the life of him why his three fiancees were suddenly his ex-fiancees. To his vexation, aside from that disastrous date he couldn’t get why they would be so angry. It wasn’t the first time something like this happened–though the vegan zombie tourists and the X Japan joining the fray was a bit much.

All he had were Akane’s reasons, really, and how was it any different from what she normally accused him of doing? “You always say I’m doing something stupid, mean, or perverted. If you didn’t like it before, why did you suddenly decide to now?”

He kicked a small rock for the crime of being in his path. What got him the most was that he looked like nothing but the bad guy.

“Like you didn’t do anything either!” he snapped out aloud. He took a breath to steady himself, allowing a calm to return to him. “I mean, why should I be held responsible for what they decided? I didn’t ask for any of this either.”

That thought rang hollow, because he no longer had any of this. “It’s so stupid, why do I feel this bad about it?”

The darkness brought him silence when he demanded answers.

“Ah, that’s right.” He allowed himself the indulgence of wanting something more than food. “I guess I did like it after a while. This whole thing became the way things were pretty fast, I guess I just got used to it.” He had grown lax and had expected things to remain like they were forever, not realizing that they still had desires that didn’t involve him.

But still, why did he want to go back? He was miserable, they were miserable, everyone made each other miserable. Wasn’t it better this way, where they could pursue what made them happy? Wasn’t it that Ranma Saotome was wholly unnecessary to them, a needless irritant in their lives?

Shame that Ryoga decided that now of all times was the perfect moment to smash Ranma and his emerging epiphany with his umbrella, sending him skipping like a stone until he hit a wall. Falling out the neat imprint his body made in the wall, Ranma shook his head and looked up in disbelief at Ryoga, who looked more like a walking corpse than anything else.

“What’s your problem, P-chan?!”

“You are… you’ve ruined everything…” Ryoga answered, his voice as empty as his glazed over eyes.

Okay, that was kind of creepy. Still, Ranma let his train of thought careen off into the abyss and explode, got ready for some much needed stress relief. “I’m getting that a lot, lately…”

When Ryoga lunged with the umbrella again, Ranma effortlessly parried the weapon, and thrashed Ryoga with a barrage of punches before kicking him back. “So you can understand I’m not in a good mood either!”

Sliding along on his back, Ryoga managed to flip back onto his feet and stopped himself. “It’s all your fault… because of how much of an insufferable jerk you are… Akane’s completely closed her heart…”

Okay, this was starting to weird Ranma out. Not only was Ryoga looking like walking corpse, he was making as much sense as one too. “Oh what, Akane throw you out once she didn’t need to make me jealous anymore?”

“You made her completely hate all men!” Ryoga quickly snapped back. Even in his zombie esque state, he could not bear to repeat her revelation, he did not want to even conceive of the notion!

“I’m pretty sure she was like that when I got here!” He suddenly dodged another umbrella stab, barely. He had to give it to Ryoga, in this state he was actually hard to read, it almost made this a challenge.

Almost. Avoiding several more stabs, Ranma blocked the end of the umbrella with his open palm and grabbed it. Unable to wrench it from his grip, Ryoga growled. “You don’t get it… s-she even hates me now… and it’s all because of you!”

Swinging up, he yanked Ranma into the air and sent him flying. With a smart recovery, he landed on the top of a street lamp and looked down at Ryoga. “Ha, she hates you too? You must’ve really cocked it up trying to catch her off the rebound!”

Aiming his umbrella like a javelin, Ryoga pitched it at Ranma, who jumped and flipped over it before landing atop the light again. “Ha, ha!”

The mailbox that Ryoga threw right after, however, was dead on target and Ranma went crashing into the river.

“Just flow down into the underworld and die Ranma…” Ryoga said, not even a bit of joy in his voice.

However, any potential victory was lost when a very furious, and very female, Ranma emerged from the river like a kraken. Water flew everywhere, but the lost boy got back far enough to avoid getting his curse triggered.

“RYOGA!” she shrieked, coming down from her jump with a kick, which was blocked by Ryoga’s forearm. She balanced precariously on his arm for a few seconds, before Ryoga threw the redhead back.

“Why can’t you just die?” Ryoga moaned, showing no defensive posture as he started crying tears of pure rage. “If only you weren’t here, if only…!”

“Shut up!” Ranma screamed, surging in and ducking under Ryoga’s right hook, weaving in and slamming hundreds of lefts into Ryoga’s mid-section. Though frailer and lacking power, the insane speed, volume and smaller shape pierced straight through whatever defenses the Hibiki lad had left.

“UGHLK!” Ryoga dry heaved, his respiratory system jamming up from the sudden, violent evacuation of all the air is his body.

“Don’t blame me because you’re not man enough to get the job done!” Ranma snapped, hopping from foot to foot with nervous energy. She was about to knock Ryoga into next week, but she needed another opening. “So you struck out with Akane, who cares? Why don’t you take some responsibility for yourself!?”

“Be quiet…” Ryoga moaned, feeling as though his body was crumbling to dust. Everything hurt so much, ever since he heard those words. “Just stop talking and get over here so I can kill you.”

“As if you ever could you moron!” Ranma cried, charging in at high speed.

Ryoga reached for the redhead with his left, but was too slow as she ducked inside his reach. Stopping and turning, she twisted herself into a body attack, slamming herself into Ryoga’s chest and transferring her momentum into him, shunting the lost boy backwards and off balance. Not one to miss the opportunity, Ranma sprang in and began to bury Ryoga under an avalanche of punches.

“No…” Ryoga whimpered, curling up as he tried to defend against the stinging blows. “No… Curse you Ranma!”

“Hey Hibiki!” Ranma said, leaping into the air. “Why don’t you curse yourself!?” The lost boy’s guard slipped just a tad, and the redhead’s fist buried itself into Ryoga’s jaw countless times in the space of a second. The Hibiki lad’s arms flailed helplessly as he lost all sense of balance and fell down to the ground flat on his back, eyes spinning.

The instant she touched down, Ranma sprang back into the air and came down with both feet on Ryoga’s face, cratering the ground and burying his head into the concrete.

“And stay down.” She was breathing heavy and worse yet, she had gotten pissed off right as she was getting into the fight and enjoying it for once. Still, her curse being activated meant she couldn’t fuck around anymore, lest Ryoga make good on his threat.

“Pigtailed Girl!” Kuno’s sob filled voice filled the area, as the Kendoist came charging in, arms thrown wide open. “Leap into my arms and comfort your beloved in these terrible times!”

Ranma kicked him into the river without a second of thought.

“Oh your affection does warm my heart so!” Kuno exclaimed, as he immediately popped out of the water, running towards Ranma again. Paradoxically, his hair wasn’t even wet despite being completely submerged. “But you must listen to my words, because a great tragedy has befallen your sister wife.”

Ranma punched him, sending the kendoist skipping off the ground where he rested on the riverbank.

“Are you as upset as I?” Kuno stood up again, as if he hadn’t been touched. “Has the news of the terrible deed that foul cur Saotome has done to Akane in revenge?”

“I did nothing!” Ranma snapped, forgetting he was a girl right then and feeling the need to defend himself.

Kuno laughed, as though she was playing a gag on him. “Of course not, my pigtailed goddess. But the foul one has unleashed a terrible curse upon the fair Akane Tendo, who had finally broken his spell on her!” He began to sob piously, as though moved by her dumping Ranma.

That kindly tore it and the redhead ran forward and grabbed Kuno by the front of his shirt. “I said, I ain’t done nothin’!” She punctuated this by turning and hurling him into a far wall. He made a lovely indention in the concrete and he remained posed there, upside down even.

“That hurt you know,” he said simply, eyeing his assailant haughtily.

Sometimes Ranma swore this idiot took hits better than Ryoga!

“Be that as it may, I have come to ask your assistance as you are rather close to Akane Tendo.” Kuno simply removed himself from the wall as if it hadn’t happened.

“Close, hah.” Ranma turned away, bitterness nearly choking him. “As if we could be close anymore.”

Kuno nodded in understanding. “The curse upon her is a vile one, yes, with my passion and love for Akane, and your youthful energy, we can free her from the new burden she bears at his hand!”

“What are you on about now?!” Ranma stamped her foot in frustration. “You know, what? I’m not even going to bother! If you want my help, come over here and let me punch you in the face a few thousand times”

“Very well!” Kuno said, drawing his bokken and running straight for Ranma. “I shall keep count with all my might!”

- - -

Akane laid on her bed, snuggling close to Shampoo with obvious pleasure. Right now, everything was settling down again after the tumultuous encounter with her sisters. But it didn’t really matter too much right now because Akane was finally being true to herself and not living for anyone else’s lies.

“This is so great,” Akane murmured, feeling content to just lay there in this bed and just forget the world.

“Shampoo good kisser, is only possible outcome.” Shampoo feigned modesty for a second before giggling gently.

“I remember when you first kissed Ranma way back, I thought you killed him.”

“Shampoo give best at everything. If last kiss, is too, too good way to go yes?”

“I don’t know, not being able to get more of them would probably be a good argument against dying.”

“Flatter Shampoo more.”

The two broke out into giggles, basking in the moment for what it was worth.

Akane looked from Shampoo to the ceiling, and heaved a relaxed sigh. “I’ve never been kissed like that before, you know. The closest thing I had to a real kiss was when Ranma was crazy from the Neko-ken. It wasn’t even a real kiss though, he just pushed his lips to mine while sniffing my face.”

She laughed. “Those howler monkeys I call classmates, though, they made a huge deal about it.” Her gaze fell back to Shampoo, who snorted at the very thought.

“Like they know what real kiss is.” She then grinned. “Tomboy not know what was real kiss either.”

Akane put on an embarrassed pout. “Well I know now.”

Resting a hand to caress her stomach, Shampoo kissed Akane again and was eagerly reciprocated.

“I’m sorry.” Shampoo didn’t expect to hear that from Akane, as they pulled away.

“What sorry for?”

Akane sighed. “I’ve turned your whole life upside down, and-”

Shampoo interrupted her with a much deeper, longer kiss. Caught off guard only briefly, Akane returned the kiss with a soft but content moan. Before long, Akane’s attempt at guilt-driven self-depreciation were soon turned to mush by a creative rolling of the tongue or seven.

“Tomboy no do anything,” Shampoo whispered as she gently pulled back from the other girl, left with her cheeks flushed and a small pant escaping her lips. “Shampoo life upside down moment Ranma beat Shampoo in fight.”

She pulled Akane close to her, and nuzzled her face. “Tomboy help Shampoo. Still can no go back, but things better, yes? Shampoo survive and be happy, that is what Shampoo is wanting and is getting now that Ranma no only thing that matter.”

Akane nodded slowly, as it began to settle in. This chapter on her life was really at an end, and the next one was now hers to write without Ranma as a central character. She hugged Shampoo back and hummed happily.

“I appreciate your gratitude then,” she all but purred.

Shampoo chuckled. “This no Shampoo gratitude.”

Akane drew back, a bit perplexed. “If making out like this isn’t your gratitude, what is?”

The mischievous and smoldering look Shampoo gave Akane in reply caused her face to bloom into a bright blush as it gave her all the answer she needed. “O-oh my…”

“Tomboy want Shampoo gratitude?” Shampoo whispered as she drew Akane close again.

Steam practically rising from the top of her head, Akane nodded. “Y-yes please.”

- - -

Ranma dodged another of Kuno’s blows easily, rolling to the left and then forward, positioning herself behind the mad kendoist. The river, however, was not spared the air pressure from Kuno’s mighty swing and a huge gout of water flew into the air.

“Is that it?” Ranma taunted, dancing back as Kuno turned around. “I could have seen that attack blindfolded!”

“Strike me with great vigor, Pigtailed Girl!” he answered as he performed another powerful, but wide strike.

“Stop swinging and I will, jerkass!” She leaped in and kicked him in the chest while his guard was down.

Kuno retreated for three steps before he regained his footing. “As usual, your prowess is indeed one with few peers! Why serve that bastard, who has tormented Akane Tendo so?"

“Tormented her? She started it!” Ranma shouted, sliding in and taking his feet out from under him. Spring up, she uppercutted him in the mid-section, before twisting and throwing him into the ground. This was followed up by dropping a knee to his chest, before the redhead daintily hopped back and kicked him away.

“You have witnessed her resolve against Saotome?” Kuno inquired, taking to his feet after he finally came to a stop. “Truly, Akane Tendo is woman far beyond measure. Oh how there should be a hundred poems to recall her bravery for the future generations!”

“Akane this, Akane that. I’m almost getting sick listening to you!” Ranma snapped, stamping a foot against the ground. “Why don’t you just go bother her then if I’m not even worth your time focusing on!”

“Because I cannot heal her heart alone. I am only a man, and thanks to Saotome’s wrath, Akane’s been overcome with a cruel and abnormal hatred for men. I cannot speak or reason with her, thanks to that vile curse, but you… you who have suffered his torment alongside her, can talk sense into her, to see that her hate is unfounded!”

“You know what? Forget almost getting sick, I’m about ready to throw up now!” Ranma attacked, but Kuno managed to block her kick with the flat of his bokken. “She hates you!”

"I hate you."

Ranma felt something like a clench in her chest, as Akane’s words suddenly echoed. In the brief moment of hesitation, she allowed Kuno to gain his footing and push her back.

“I see he has fed you naught but lies!” Kuno threw her back from him. “Akane Tendo denies her true feelings, but underneath her violence there is genuine affection!”

“Is that why whenever I mention you, she trembles with rage?” Ranma asked, landing in a crouch unharmed. “She’s never said a single thing good about you to me!” She ran forward and threw another kick, which Kuno deftly blocked once more.

“Compared to the vitriol she exchanges with that dog, she speaks rather highly of me!” Kuno pushed again, but Ranma was ready this time, using the force of the shove to spun herself around, clocking him perfectly in the jaw.

As Kuno staggered back, dazed by the hit, Ranma caught herself and stopped. Kuno was a blathering, oblivious idiot, there was no way that Akane liked him at all. For how much he loved her, he never once bothered to listen to whenever she said no!

“You never consider my feelings, because you can't consider anyone or anything but yourself."

Akane’s indictment caused yet another brief hesitation, allowing Kuno to lunge for a strike to Ranma’s head. It almost connected, but Ranma was just fast enough to kick Kuno in the side of the head and send him flipping through the air before landing face down in the street.

“Who are you calling a dog!?” Ranma lowered her leg.

Kuno got back up, albeit slowly. “I speak of the subhuman who condemned her to a life of misery, denied the warmth of her destined love! I speak of the man who refuses her happiness, regardless of her heart’s desires! With all my heart… I speak of the foul creature that desires little else other than to see her suffer for his own enjoyment.”

He stood tall and readied his bokken. “That wretch is none but Ranma Saotome, and as the man who loves her, I will grant her the happiness she desires, yours as well my pigtailed goddess!”

Ninety-Nine percent of the words that came out of Tatewaki’s mouth were bullshit. But there was always that rare day when he spouted some seriously relevant shit, and today to Ranma’s chagrin, nearly every word cut into her.

"I'm tired of living for you, you stupid idiot. I want to live my own life. Where I am happy. Without you. So I'm done with you."

“Pigtailed Girl, your affections for me have made my legs grow weak.” Kuno’s head was swimming and he was swaying back and forth. His vision blurred and he almost fainted, but he managed to hold on despite himself. “But I still stand, for the happiness of my lady loves! So break free… so we may save Akane from her unnaturall fate!”

Ranma didn’t hear Kuno, wasn’t even seeing Kuno, lost inside her own head for the moment. This idiot could see it, Ryoga could see it. They were saying she was the one who did this to her. To all of them!

A snarl escaped her lips, causing Kuno to stagger back. The redhead began to glow a very slight red, as she began to funnel the frustrations and fear into something wholly terrible for Kuno. Alas, the kendoist did not recognize the danger for what it was and only dug in his heels.

“Damn you Akane.” Her breathing ragged, Ranma free form popped the knuckles on both her hands.

“Damn you Shampoo,” she snarled again, and ready to charge Kuno.

“Damn you Ukyo.”

Like a missile, Ranma shot towards Kuno with a load of ill intent.

“That’s it my love.” Kuno dropped his bokken and threw wide his arms. “Leap into my arms and let us confirm our mutual love!”

The redhead reached her target and began swinging wildly, not stopping until one particular blow sent Kuno rocketing into the sky. All told, she swung for 15 seconds, hitting Kuno a staggering 624,590 times in that stretch. Panting, she doubled over with hands on her knees, as Kuno came back down and crashed through the roof of a nearby house.

“I’m not gonna be blamed for all of this,” Ranma whispered, gasping for air as she came down from her ragesplosion. “It takes two to tango, and you were all fighting for a chance to be my dance partner!”

She clenched her fists tighter. “I ain’t gonna be hung out to dry without having my say, and I’m gonna have my say!”

Before she could take two steps, Mousse landed in front of her, hands folded and hidden in the sleeves of his long robes… wait, why was he wearing black now. Style change?

“If I were you, Ranma, I would reconsider going there with anger,” he said to the tanuki statue on the street corner in front of Ranma.

Her lingering anger suppressed but not removed, Ranma rolled her eyes in frustration. “Mousse! Glasses! And what the hell are you doing here, now? Shouldn’t you be barking up Shampoo’s tree since she dumped me?”

Pulling his glasses over his eyes and realizing he was talking to a statue, Mousse attempted to play it off as him coolly not directly speaking to Ranma. “Were that the case I would gladly, however the old bag has seen fit to expel Shampoo from our village as punishment for giving up on you. As such, I am not allowed even to go near Shampoo, under harsh penalty.”

“Worse than what you normally deal with?” Ranma growled.

Mousse nodded. “That said, Ranma, I seek nothing else but Shampoo’s happiness.”

“Like the last two bozos for Akane, yeah.”

“That is why…” Mousse grimaced and then looked at Ranma. “… You must win Shampoo’s heart back, so she may once again be considered an Amazon!”

Ranma blinked a few times. “Huh?”

“And I intend to help you.”

The gears in Ranma’s head kind of jammed there, gummed up by all the fuck his brain was once again full of.


= = =


Go get some water or something.

 

[The Ero-Sennin]

Got your water. Be sure to drink frequently for maximum spittake.


= = =


An indeterminate time ago…

“You cannot possibly be serious,” Cologne said to Mousse as he stood at the foot of a ramp leading up to a ship moored in Tokyo Bay.

“I should be saying the same of you, old witch!” Mousse returned. “Just like that, we’re leaving Shampoo here an exile?!”

Cologne nodded. “That is the plan, yes. I’ve told you that six times since we left last night.”

“I don’t remember those times,” Mousse replied.

“Clearly you do instinctively, because you’re standing outside of my reach and bringing it up again like the fool you are.” Cologne brandished her staff to emphasize the beatings Mousse received for his insolence six times prior.

Mousse snorted. “Whatever the case, I am not abandoning her to this fate, cast out of her home, denying her a chance to ever see it again!”

Cologne hummed. “And you intend to do that, how? She is not merely an outsider, she is an exile, the law does not apply to her. Even if by chance you convince her to come back with you as your wife, you will simply be exiled too.”

Letting out a haughty “Hmph”, Mousse adjusted his glasses. “I know well enough of the laws, you mummy. It is not my intention to take Shampoo for myself, but to help Ranma win her affection once again!”

At that, Cologne stared at this idiot of a boy in mild disbelief. “Really now?”

“All that matters to me is Shampoo’s happiness! If it means that I must coax her into opening her heart again to someone other than myself, then so be it! Her resuming of her pursuit of Ranma makes her punishment void and thus no longer an exile.”

Cologne’s blank stare went unchanged. “You do realize that this does not help your aspirations, yes?”

“What is important is that she is happy.” And so grateful that she realizes her love for him and aids him in killing Ranma, thus ensuring no obstacle for their love and return to the village. Of course, Mousse had no need to say that. Indeed, Cologne could read him like she could read Shampoo.

“I see… very well then, do as you please,” she said.

“Don’t argue with me on–wait, I have your permission?” Well, this was surprising but not unwelcome to Mousse.

“As long as you can convince Shampoo to resume her quest to marry Ranma, I see no problem with what you’re doing and you have my express permission. In fact, we will remain here and await news from you… but lay low of course so as to not arouse suspicion,” Cologne replied. Of course, once Shampoo and Ranma were no longer on the outs, Mousse and his feelings would be consigned to the curb by means of a swift kick–and that was perfectly fine with Cologne if it meant having Shampoo back in her’s and the village’s good graces.

Mousse nodded and clenched a fist. “Just you wait! I will bring Shampoo back into the fold, and you will call her a member of our tribe once again!”

An indeterminate time later…

“And that is why I am here to assist you,” Mousse said.

Ranma unfortunately did not hear Mousse’s explanation (with internal machinations obviously removed) of the events that brought him back to Nerima, her internal operating system was still not responding.

By means of a kettle of hot water, Mousse reset Ranma, who sputtered back into thought. “Huh? Mousse? What are you doing here?!”

“I’m here to help you get Shampoo back,” he replied.

Ranma could’ve paused to consider any possible ulterior motives of Mousse’s, but having someone in his corner to help him rather than push his shit in overrode everything else. “Really?!”

Mousse nodded, not feeling the slightest bit of shame that when this was over, he would hopefully be burying Ranma’s corpse somewhere no one would find it. “Absolutely, Shampoo is a proud warrior, and she deserves nothing but the pride and honor of our village, not the shame of exile. Thus, it is my intent to help you win her love!”

He held his chin between his index finger and thumb as he smirked smugly. “After all, I know all of Shampoo’s strengths and weaknesses, her hopes, dreams, desires, and fears. With my knowledge and your charm, winning her love again should be no problem for you, Saotome.”

Ranma blinked a few times, and then took Mousse’s hands in his own. “Mousse… thank you! You’re a true friend!”

Not the slightest bit of shame, Mousse. “Heck, Ranma, I’ll even help you win back Tendo and Kuonji. It would do you no good to just have one girl on your arm.”

A small slice of heaven, before Mousse cast him to hell, this was all it was. It was to Mousse’s enjoyment that the very desperate Ranma gobbled up every word.

“I’ll take it! What do I do? What do I have to do?!”

Mousse took his hands from Ranma and once again cradled his chin as he contemplated. “Whatever alliance they have forged is only as strong as their friendship. The easiest thing would be to turn them all against one another, by wooing one or two or all three of them without the others knowing until the right moment.”

Ranma gasped. “Of course! Why didn’t I think of that?!” Fire burned in his eyes, as he punched his palm. “I can seduce Shampoo, and that’ll send Akane and Ukyo into a rage, or I can go after Ucchan, and that’ll make Shampoo and Akane super mad, or I can go after Akane, and make Shampoo and Ukyo super insane because this was her stupid idea!”

On that note, he made his decision. “Oh yeah, I’m going after Akane!” He looked to Mousse with a dangerous grin. “All right, give me some pointers, how should I go about this?!”

“Well, some feigned humility would help.”

Ranma stopped. “What.”

“You should play to Akane’s sympathies, and let her see how much you need her. After all, Akane is by what I’ve seen a hopelessly altruistic girl, putting the needs of others before herself even if reluctantly.”

Ranma let out a snort. “I guess.”

“Good, in order to win her, you need to come off as absolutely pathetic, hopeless without her in your life!” Mousse said.

“How pathetic?” Ranma wasn’t about to start bawling like an idiot in front of her, begging for attention like Mousse did Shampoo.

Mousse hummed. “Well, when was the last time you saw her?”

“Yesterday, when I left…”

“That’s perfectly long enough. You need to go over there, looking absolutely demolished, practically on the verge of death and deep in despair.”

“In other words like Ryoga after I kicked his shit in.”

“You’re catching on.”

Ranma folded his arms and hummed. “Yeah, I get that much, but how am I supposed to pull off looking that bad to Akane after only one day?”

Mousse grinned. “Give me about five minutes and I’ll have you looking lower than dirt.”

Two minutes and seventeen seconds later, a savagely beaten Ranma staggered into the living room of the Tendo home. “I… I’m home…”

With his weak greeting, he collapsed onto the floor in front of the table, where Nabiki was dividing her attention between her homework and quietly brooding after the verbal shellacking she received from Akane.

She looked down at him. “Oh, so are you here to beg for Akane to take you back?”

“Y-yes,” he weakly replied.

One of Nabiki’s eyebrows crept upward. “Really?”

Unsteady as a newborn foal, Ranma slowly got up and staggered a bit. Mousse got a bit overzealous in dirtying him up for his confrontation with Akane. Oh well, at least he wouldn’t have to fake any tears. “W-where is she?”

“Oh, she’s upstairs with Shampoo. I wouldn’t go up there if I were you.” Kasumi reported hearing strange sounds coming from there when she had gone up to bed, and was naturally far too disturbed to investigate further.

Great, Shampoo would make it difficult but not impossible. Ranma would just have to play up how pathetic he was to garner her sympathies as well. “Oh… okay…”

He slowly hobbled for the stairs. Watching him shamble past, Nabiki let out a brief hum. Brief because any thoughts that prompted the hum were immediately destroyed by a barrage of cannons, missiles, rockets, and orbital-based lasers commanded by the Nabiki Tendo Self-Preservation Society.

“Pfft, Akane’s right, Kasumi can have that hot mess if she wants him to be so happy,” she muttered.

Ranma looked back. “Huh?”

“Nothing, go on and say hello to your ex-girlfriends.”

Giving Nabiki an annoyed look, Ranma turned and began his way up the stairs a step at a time–honestly, Mousse did not have to hit him across the legs so many times with those lead pipes. As he hobbled his way up, he inwardly envisioned how it would play out.

In Ranma’s heavily damaged mind…

Answering the knock at her door, Akane opened it to find Ranma standing there looking as if he had barely come back alive from the war. Wars. All of them. “Ranma!”

Ranma opened his mouth to speak, before he fell into Akane’s arms, hardly able to stand anymore under his own power. “Akane… I made it back to you…”

“W-what happened?!” She could not believe the devastation that had been wrought upon the man she once loved, then cruelly turned away. “Who did this to you?!”

“Ryoga… K-Kuno… Happosai… everyone who was ever after you… they came out of nowhere, from the trees, from the sky, from under the ground itself. They heard… they heard we were through, so they came here… f-for you…”

Akane gasped in horror. “Then why…?”

“I couldn’t let them… a-after how I mistreated you… I couldn’t let you suffer at their hands. I fought them all… with everything I had… the old toad was the hardest, but I managed to even beat him. I can’t bear to see you sad, Akane… I did it… so you could be…” The life began to leave Ranma’s eyes. “… happy…”

“No, Ranma!” Akane pleaded. “Oh no, this is all my fault, I should’ve never dumped you! Ranma! Please, speak to me! Ranma! Don’t die!”

She hugged him tightly as tears began pouring down her cheeks. “You idiot! I’m sorry! Please just be all right! I l-l-like you, I really do like you, I want you to be my fiance again! Just don’t die on me!”

One of her tears fell upon Ranma’s face, and soon the life returned to his eyes. “… Akane… I forgive you…”

Seeing he was still alive, Akane smiled brightly. “Oh Ranma!”

Seriously, the legs were one thing, but hitting him in the head that many times…

By the time he reached the top of the stairs and approached Akane’s door, Ranma could hardly wait to put on his act. In a few seconds, Akane was going to be-

“… Putty in Shampoo’s hands now, yes?”

Yes, that was right! Wait.

“Huh?” Ranma whispered, before he heard coming through the door a sound he never quite heard before. It was an elevated, excited panting, and what made it sound so strange to him was that it sounded like Akane.

“Yes… oh y-yes~!” That was definitely Akane, and she did not sound like she was in pain.

Suddenly feeling a lot less injured, Ranma took a step back from the door and stared at it. What… what was going on in there?

“Not even best part.” There was Shampoo’s voice again. Ranma was confused, she was using that husky, “seduce Ranma” voice that he found really hard (but never failed) to say no to. “When Shampoo do this…”

“AHH-AHN!” And that was Akane making sounds he’d NEVER heard her make, with the closest to it possibly being whenever she ate some chocolate when she was really craving it.

“It okay, Tomboy let it all out. It feel too, too good, yes?”

Ranma’s face began to glow a bright red, as the sounds coming through the door began to paint a picture in his head he’d never thought possible, even in his wildest daydreams!

“Ah… your f-fingers… oh m-my goodness…”

They weren’t…

“Mmhm… Shampoo do it again, yes? Find different spot, and…”

They couldn’t possibly be…

“AHN! YES!”

Ranma’s eyes grew wide. They totally were.

“Why didn’t I do this sooner~?”

They were doing perverted stuff. With each other. After dumping him.

“Because Tomboy too, too pent up… but not no more.”

Fuck playing the injured loser, he wasn’t going to stand for this… this… hypocrisy!

Marching up to the door he slammed it open. “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT?!”

This shit turned out to be Shampoo giving Akane a Shiatsu Massage. They were both fully clothed, and aside from Akane lying on her stomach and biting into her bedsheet as Shampoo straddled her legs, there was nothing particularly scintillating like the scene their racket painted in his head.

Both girls stared at Ranma as he stared back at them.

“Shampoo giving Tomboy massage, what it look like?” Shampoo answered flatly.

Ranma’s bemusement gave way back to indignation. “It sounded like you were…! Were…!”

“Were what?” Akane asked levelly.

“You know…!”

“Ranma, shut up, what are you even doing here? And why do you look like you got attacked by wild dogs?”

More like a wild Mousse with a lead pipe, but to digress, he needed to get back to his script. “I uh… it was Ryoga! And Kuno! And Happosai! There were uh, dozens of them!”

“Dozens of Kunos, Ryogas, and Happosais?” Akane asked.

“No! A bunch of guys, they wanted to come here and uh… do perverted stuff to you and I had just happened to be by and I saw what they were doing so I fought them!” he quickly explained while cursing them for spoiling the dramatic mood he had planned before.

“Just happened to?” Akane was obviously not buying it.

“It’s true! I barely beat them all, I almost died! I did it because I still l-l-l-li…” Oh God damn it, why was he freezing up now? He just had to tell her how he felt-

“I don’t want to hear it, go away.” And just like that he was dismissed, defeated, and done with.

“Damn Akane, will you just let me speak?!” Ranma yelled at her. “This is really hard for me-”

“I don’t really care what you have to say. There’s nothing to say.”

“I’m trying to say that I li…!”

Akane just shook her head. “Pathetic.”

Shampoo got off her back and walked over to Ranma. “Ranma, Shampoo have question.”

Ranma stopped, thankful he didn’t have to try to say that damn word. “What?”

“Ranma call Tomboy not cute, macho, wide, flatchested, yes?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Make fun of Tomboy cooking, fighting, and things Tomboy like doing, yes?”

“Yes,” Akane answered for Ranma.

“Hey, I only do it because-!”

“But Ranma can’t say Ranma like Tomboy.”

Ranma stopped there, the accusation stinging deep. At his silence, Shampoo nodded and turned around, walking back over to Akane and sitting next to her. “Shampoo like Akane. Shampoo think Akane too, too nice, and too, too cute. Shampoo not afraid to say that. Shampoo not afraid to hold Akane hand or kiss or give too, too good massage. Shampoo can do this, and only be nice to Akane after one day. Why so hard for Ranma?”

Ranma kind of got hung up on the kiss part. “K-Kiss? But you’re both…!”

Shampoo turned to face Akane, and pulled her up into a sitting position before giving her a relatively chaste kiss. Surprised at first that Shampoo would do this in front of Ranma, Akane caught a glimpse of the swirl of emotions that was twisting up his face, and took it further by all but shoving her tongue down Shampoo’s throat.

Ranma Saotome is a teenaged boy. However, Ranma Saotome is an extremely sexually repressed teenaged boy who well into his teen years has never had the opportunity to satisfy the hormonal urges that came with being a teenaged boy thanks to the nonstop proximity of his old man, being student at an all boys school, and generally having any and all possible sexual urges beaten out of him by his never ending training journeys, the Tendos, and the curse that he never found useful beyond grabbing free stuff.

Therefore, when faced with two attractive girls that he was pseudo-romantically entwined with making out with resounding sloppiness, he once again kicked himself in the mouth.

“What are you doing?! That’s disgusting!”

Akane had to hand it to Nabiki, there was really something about this schadenfreude to be enjoyed. She slowly pulled away from the kiss, which left Shampoo breathless for once, and turned to stare at Ranma.

“I’m… disgusting?” She asked.

Ranma tried to backpedal, to say something, anything, but Akane took him gently by his shoulders and walked him to her door. “Good night, Ranma.”

Once he was past the threshold, she went back into her room and closed the door. As he stood there, still in shock, he realized the absolute significance of what just happened.

Akane didn’t even bother to hit him, she just didn’t care anymore. The flickers of recognition, of how badly he had screwed up, illuminated the darkness of his brain, albeit dimly. “I… I need… I need to go…”

He turned around and saw Kasumi standing in the doorway to her bedroom, watching him. “K-Kasumi…?”

Kasumi didn’t immediately reply, she continued to stare at him, as if focused on an inner conflict. After a few moments, she awkwardly looked away. “Ah, I’m sorry Ranma-kun… goodnight…”

Without looking towards him, she retreated into her room and closed the door, sparing Ranma the sight of her silently berating herself for being everything Akane said she was.

Alone in the upstairs hallway, Ranma quietly went downstairs and back out the house, not even bothering to feign a limp as he went past Nabiki. Once outside, he found Mousse waiting by the pond.

“I take it everything went well?” Mousse asked.

Ranma responded to that by poking Mousse in the chest, and sending him falling into the pond. As a very indignant glasses-wearing duck surfaced and quacked obscenities at him, Ranma sat down at the grass and stared down at the water in silent contemplation…

For all of a second before he grabbed his head with both hands and yelled out in frustration. “AHHH! WHY IS THIS SO HARD?! CAN’T EVERYTHING JUST GO BACK TO NORMAL?!”

Mousse the duck hit him with a sign which read,“First off, fuck you for doing that, and second, did you think this would be easy?! What kind of man are you?!”

Ranma wondered when Mousse finally learned his old man’s trick with them. Then Mousse flipped the sign around.

“I thought Ranma Saotome never lost,” it read.

The duck was right. Ranma Saotome never lost. Sure he took a few good beatings, but in every battle he counted as one, he never lost one! This was just another battle, just like the Reversal Jewel, where wits and charm would be the victor rather than brute force or dramatics.

“You’re right, Mousse… you’re absolutely right…” Ranma got up. “I don’t lose, and I’m definitely not losing here!”

Mousse flipped the sign again. “That’s right, your manhood’s on the line here!”

“Hell yeah it is!” Ranma agreed.

“So be the best man you can be!” As with Genma’s signs, Ranma didn’t care to ask where Mousse was able to flip them like that.

“I’ll be even better than that!”

Mousse spread his wings in praise and held up another sign. “Then let’s get back to the battle. I have another plan. Less pity, more unremitting sexiness!”

Ranma clenched a fist. “Oh yeah! Unremitting sexiness!”

He then stopped. “Wait, what?”

- - -

Ukyo hummed to herself as she wiped down the counter after finishing the lunch rush, the last of the crowd finally exiting to leave her alone. Akane and Shampoo were out grabbing a quick bite elsewhere, plus planning to hit up the market for a quick refill of spices for Shampoo’s half of the menu. A smile creased her lips as she thought of how well her two friends got along, as well as how much better things had been for her financially.

Without the drain Ranma put on her books, Ukyo was looking at an almost complete turnaround from where she was when this whole thing started. It was almost amazing how simple it was to get back to where she could feel secure in her future again, something that had been in doubt for much of her life. For ten years, she had pursued Ranma in a single minded rush, her anger fueling her resentment, which in turn birthed the bastard son of hate: REVENGE.

But that was then, and well this was now, and she no longer needed to sleep in a grave next to Ranma, as the saying went.

Ukyo sighed, as she thought of her still semi-friend, wondering what had happened to him. She hadn’t seen him since she dumped him, even though Akane and Shampoo had mentioned seeing him a few nights ago. While she didn’t think of herself as ever going to marry him, she still wanted to be sure he was alright because she still cared about him.

The capacity of which was just as a friend looking out for another friend, not out of any repressed feelings for the jerk. She sighed again, as she began to clean her griddle, wondering just what was to become of her life now that he wasn’t the center of it for the first time in a decade. This hadn’t been how she had thought it’d go, or how she thought it’d be going forward.

She had pulled the central pillar out of her plans, and now she was reaping the downfall of her bitterness and hate.

Akane and Shampoo had helped a lot, even in the short time it had been since they had agreed to throw Ranma out. She had friends, real true friends, who she could depend on. It didn’t hurt they were pretty cute together too, but so far nothing official had been announced to her regarding if the two were going to go out.

“It’s silly to think,” Ukyo muttered, moving on to check her supplies for the next crowd. “But those two go really well together.” Hmm, a bit low on shrimp, she’d have to go back and grab some…

The door slid open rapidly, before clicking shut.

“Hey, I’m still cleaning, so it’ll be a minute…” Ukyo trailed off as she saw Ranma standing there, staring at her.

He was disheveled and dirty looking, his face bore the fact that he’d been having trouble sleeping. The bags under his eyes, the slight paleness to his skin, he just looked like shit. Akane had told her Ranma wasn’t at the dojo anymore but Ukyo had thought he might have tried shacking up with that one crazy bitch, what’s her name.

Kodachi looked up from feeding a whole cow to Mr. Green Turtle, the feeling that her existence was being ignored again running down her spine.

“Ucchan,” Ranma breathed, body starting to tremble.

“Don’t call me that,” Ukyo said, sighing. Fine, she’d deal with him right now, he looked too downtrodden to step on anymore. “So, you here for okonomiyaki or Akane?.”

“Akane!?” Ranma’s head whipped around as if he just woke up.

Ukyo sighed. “She’s not here.”

“Oh, oh…” Ranma deflated, but managed to fish enough for an okonomiyaki out of his pocket. “I thought she’d be here.”

“Well she went to the market with Shampoo.”

“S-Shampoo…” Ranma flinched a little and looked at the floor. “P-pork please.”

“Well you’re in luck because I still have some up front.” Ukyo filed his reactions away for later. She reached in and pulled some of the pork belly out and began mixing the batter as well. “I see you learned how to pay for your food.”

“I would have paid if you asked.” It wasn’t a total lie, but he really would have tried to haggle about it.

“Sure sure.” Ukyo felt awkward, as she didn’t know what to say to him now. “As long as you understand, we’ll be able to get along.”

“What about them?” Ranma tried to control his drooling, he hadn’t had a decent bite since he disappeared off with Mousse. The training and planning for this was rigorous.

“My house, my rules. They’d understand.” And if they wouldn’t, she’d probably cut him off entirely, but there was no point in saying that aloud. He hadn’t quite burned that bridge yet, lucky her.

“I guess.” Ranma bowed his head, seemingly to try and get himself together. “So where does this leave you?”

“Come again?” Ukyo asked, pausing in her cooking to look at him.

“I mean, Akane and Shampoo are… together all the time,” he said, trying his best to be slick about it while not trying to be sick about it. “Doesn’t seem like that leaves much time for you.”

“I got enough time for myself. I got my restaurant and that’s good enough for me.” Just for that, he was getting the old sauce from this morning and not the fresh she had whipped up an hour ago. “I’m not like you, who needs constant minding or else I start falling apart.”

“Hey, I was just asking.” Ranma placed the money on the counter and took the okonomiyaki. Hungrily, he tore into it, not even caring how it tasted.

“And I was just saying.” Ukyo shook her head. He was still the same, even now as when they were kids.

“But you know,” Ranma said, giving Ukyo a look. “I still think it’s a waste that you’re here by yourself while they’re off doing whatever they want.”

“They’re people Ranma, they do things on their own.” Ukyo couldn’t believe it, he was trying to be a manipulative little bitch! “You know, kind of like the three of us did what we wanted and you had to deal?”

“Ah…” Ranma blushed, having been caught. “It’s not like that! I’m just worried about you, y’know?”

Ukyo rolled her eyes. “Look, I appreciate your concern, but I’ll appreciate you not trying to sweet talk me when you look like a zombie. It’s kinda creepy and reduces the effect you have.”

“That’s not my fault!”

Nothing ever was.“You can’t take care of yourself is our fault?”

Ranma said nothing, turning away in a childish huff as she successfully hurt his feelings.

He really hasn’t changed. Ukyo could see that little boy she used to play games with and go on adventures with, but back then his insensitivity was part of being a child. But now, it just made him look like a jerk. How is that possible?

“I don’t get it,” Ranma mumbled to himself, having finished the okonomiyaki.

“Get what?” Ukyo wondered if she should toss him out now that he had paid for and eaten his food.

“How you all could walk away from this.” He turned back towards her, and gestured to his busted-ass self.

Was he serious. “In hindsight it really shouldn’t have been so hard.”

Ranma got up. “Come on, Ucchan-”

“Don’t call me that.”

He leaned against the counter, giving her the same pointed look he did back when he needed to recalibrate his sway over women thanks to that stupid jewel. “Ucchan, come on… you know you don’t mean that.”

Had Ranma not used that same trick before simply to reassure himself of his sexiness, Ukyo probably would’ve fallen for it. Instead, he got smacked across the lobby by her combat spatula.

“You ass! Do you really think I’m going to fall for that again?!” She yelled after he bounced off the wall and hit the floor. “Especially with you looking busted up like you are?!”

Ranma chuckled in reply, and pushed himself back up onto his feet. He looked down at himself, his ruined, filthy clothes, grimy skin, and grisly complexion, and let out a laugh. “I guess I really can’t hold myself back then.”

Ukyo took a step back, disturbed by that wording. “Ranma…”

Reaching behind his back, he pulled out a smoke bomb. “I guess I’ll have to go all out!”

He then threw it to the ground, engulfing himself in a small cloud of harmless smoke. In the brief moment that Ukyo raised her spatula to protect her face, a blur dropped in from out of nowhere and into the smoke cloud.

“Kazama style secret technique,” Mousse said quietly as he drew from his sleeves makeup tools. “Ultimate… makeup!”

Ukyo lowered her spatula as she heard something going on in the smoke cloud, ready for anything that could come out. Then the cloud suddenly dissipated.

“What.”

There was Ranma, immaculately cleaned up, not a single hair out of place, perfectly tanned, and now dressed in a white Chinese style shirt and pants with a gold dragon design sewn into it. Ranma’s look was one that commanded the sexy ladies to drop their panties, and if any others had been seeing him right then they probably would have on the spot.

Ukyo No-Sold it like Brock Lesnar vs. Spike Dudley circa 2002.

“Ranma, what the hell?” She asked.

Ranma once again leaned against the counter, giving Ukyo a flirtatious smile complete with a gleam from his perfect teeth. “Come on Ucchan, you know you like what you see. You would have to be completely sexless to be able to resist this.”

Yet she was resisting, effortlessly even. “Maybe a few days ago, but you know what Ranma? I’m not attracted to you anymore.”

Ranma’s expression went blank.

She then hummed. “And really thinking about it, I don’t think I ever was. I mean, you just said I was cute and I kind of latched onto that, and that wasn’t really healthy.”

And he went face first into the counter, creating a spider-web pattern of cracks in the surface.

“Oh, you’re lucky I can afford to have that fixed,” she said before Ranma let out a groan. “Ranma?”

“What is wrong with you…?”

Ukyo recoiled. “What is wrong with me?”

“You!” Ranma whirled around and jumped atop the stool he had been sitting on. “And those two! Look at me, I’m hot damn it!” To punctuate this statement, Ranma pulled his shirt off, exposing his bare, fantastically toned torso. “How can you look at this and say no?!”

Ukyo flushed at the display, but not from a surge of hormones. It was because she was embarrassed for him, as he looked ridiculous right now.

“You can’t tell me I do nothing for you!” He flexed a little, trying to get a rise out of Ukyo. “Come on Ucchan…”

“I thought I said to not call me that,” Ukyo said, covering her eyes in exasperation. “Look, put your shirt back on before someone comes in.”

“Why? Afraid you might not be able to control yourself?”

“Because you’re making a scene you empty headed jackass!” Ukyo was ready to smash him with her spatula. “Look at you, acting like a damn pervert!”

“I’m sexy and you know it, damn it!”

“No!” Ukyo swept the stool out from under him, leaving the Saotome heir to fall ungracefully to the floor. “Now put your shirt on and stop being a jackass.”

Lying on the floor in perfect silence for a moment, Ranma heaved a disappointed sigh before sitting up and slowly putting on his shirt. “What did I do to deserve this?”

Ukyo shrugged her shoulders. “Why don’t you look at what you did first before demanding answers from others?”

“I never did anything! What did I do? I got cursed and hitched up with a man-hating lesbian who starts unloading on me because she can’t deal with a bunch of boys chasing her skirt! I did not start that fight!”

Ukyo narrowed her eyes at Ranma’s words. “You didn’t finish it, either.”

“Oh yeah, and she gets a pass because she did?!”

“Yes, yes she does! She got tired of this, we all did! What happened at the festival was the last straw, Ranma!”

“How is it like that? I’ve had to put up with this mess too and handled it!”

“Because you were in the middle of everything, while we had bend over backwards for you!” Ukyo shrieked at him.

Panting, the two teenagers glared at each other. Ranma let out a snort. “Like you weren’t in the middle of anything either.”

“Huh?” Oh, Ukyo wanted to hear this.

“That weirdo crossdresser!” Who was currently disguised a trash can in the corner of the restaurant. “He’s all over you and I have no idea why since he dresses and acts like a girl when he’s not a telephone pole or Christmas Tree, or a skyscraper or something!”

“Tsubasa?! I’m not even attracted to that jerk!” Ukyo snapped back.

“And then Mousse, he’s all over Shampoo!”

“You know as well as I do that she hates even the air he breathes.”

“Don’t even get me on the mountains and mountains of boys that seem to come out of the woodwork just to look at that lezzy not-in-the-least-cute tomboy! You’re all just as much chased after as I am, maybe even more! And don’t say you don’t like the attention because there’s no way anyone wouldn’t!”

That just kindly tore it. “News flash, asshole, but we hated it!” Ranma recoiled when she shrieked at him again, and from there Ukyo only turned the volume up to eleven. “We hated it because we wanted you and no one else! We had all our hopes and feelings pinned on your sorry ass and all we were good for to you was free food and making you feel like a man!”

She panted heavily for breath as her eyes began to water. Oh God, she was about to cry. “At the very best, we were just friends to you, just like when you and I were kids. And when it was bad, you treated Shampoo like she does Mousse, and me like I treat Tsubasa. And Akane… oh my God, Ranma why would you treat someone who’s so nice like that? She’s bad at being girly, worse even than you, but damn it she tried for you a lot, and you just treated her like crap!”

“Nice? She flipped a table on me for nothing!” Ranma fired back.

“And yet there you were trying to get back with her after she dumped you!”

“Because it’s not supposed to be like this!”

“Then what is it supposed to be like?!” Ukyo growled, gripping her spatula to keep what little control of herself she had left. “How are things supposed to be, Ranma? With you at the center of the universe where everyone’s concern leads right back to you?!”

Ranma grimaced at that, before he averted his gaze and clenched his fists. “I just want you to like me again.”

Ukyo let out a bitter, breathless laugh. “That’s not our problem now, is it? I don’t think we can even be friends anymore.”

He looked back at her, shocked. “What?”

Ukyo let out a sigh and wiped away the tears she had barely kept from falling. “You’re a terrible person, Ranma. Do you realize how bad you made us all feel?”

“What about my feelings?” Ranma asked, almost a whisper with his gutted emotions.

Ukyo just wanted to hit him, but was afraid she couldn’t be stopped until he was dead. “What about them? You don’t care for ours unless we’re adoring you. Say we do start chasing after you again? Then what? Is anything going to really change, or do you just want it back to where you were fine with everything?”

Ranma bowed his head at that. He just wanted everything back to the way it was, he couldn’t handle this.

“Why do you even want us back? Akane’s not going back, Shampoo sure ain’t and neither am I. Get over it and yourself. You got dumped, move on already. You’re free to have whatever girl you like.”

“Free?” Ranma laughed, before snapping his head up in a determined look to stare Ukyo in the air. “You think I’m free?”

“I’m sure there are plenty of girls who’d fall for a guy with looks like yours. Hell, you’d have first pick of a whole bunch of desperate girls who would do anything to rub it in Akane’s face that she ditched you.” Ukyo said, sighing just a tad.

Ranma stood up, wiping his face once and giving Ukyo another look, one that conveyed a different kind of emotion.

“This is my manhood at stake Ukyo. I can’t walk away, not from that.” Ranma didn’t break eye contact with the okonomiyaki chef for a long second. “I can’t just throw that and all of this away, I can’t lose here. This isn’t over until I say so, even if you think it is.”

She recognized that expression. It was the same as the same fond looks that she had seen him give Akane from time to time when he thought no one saw and vehemently deny or distract others from the moment he was called out on them. It was how he really felt underneath his bluster, social ineptitude, and fragile pride.

She would have killed for him to look her way just days before, but now she saw his true feelings and felt nothing.

“Get out of my store and don’t ever come back here again, you and your money aren’t welcome here anymore.”

Ranma grew wide-eyed at Ukyo. Did she just ban him… for life? “U-”

“Just go, before I throw you out.”

Ranma turned for the door, and stopped at the door with his hands balling tightly into fists. “Fine. Maybe not now, but you’ll realize what you could’ve had, and you’ll want to come back, and I might laugh in your face for being wrong when you come begging me to take you back, but I definitely won’t turn you down.”

He left with that, nearly knocking the door off its hinge with the force he slammed it open with. Ukyo stepped from behind the counter and had a seat at a table, shaking with anger. “If you’re both not out of here in the next five seconds…”

Mousse dropped down from the ceiling, bowed politely to Ukyo, and ran for his life out the door. Right behind him, the garbage can by the door got up and walked out of the store without a word.

It was finally falling into place, everything that concerned her, Ranma and her life as it was until now. He looked at her with such intensity, and it did nothing to her. She finally saw him for what he really was and realized just what a fool she had been.

She had been obsessed, that much was obvious. She hadn’t seen Ranma or even thought about how she really felt about him. All she ever saw was that six year old boy and the friend she wanted back, the friend she chased for a decade in search of answers, catharsis, or maybe both.

He was still that same child, and after months of dealing with him and one day where it all piled on past the breaking point, she had finally outgrown him.

“The one guy I ever thought I liked…” She muttered under her breath. Pretty much the one guy, no other guy really did it for her, not even the many boys at her previous school turned her interest and that wasn’t even considering her single-minded vendetta. Though, was she even attracted to Ranma in that way?

She let out a sigh. “Who knows, maybe I’m gay too. Oh how cruel would that be, Ranma?”

In a way, she envied Shampoo and Akane. Akane was already really comfortable with her sexuality, as if it fit her like a glove, and Shampoo didn’t have a care in the world either way. But was it even that easy for her, if she was?

“I’m gay,” Ukyo whispered to herself, rolling the words in her mouth. Didn’t feel like they were misplaced, as she thought on it more, but at the same time it didn’t feel like an earth-shattering revelation. “Yeah, that’s right, I’m gay.”

She almost laughed to herself, as Ranma had came to try and put the idea of her betraying Akane and Shampoo into her head and wound up driving her farther away.

“We is back.” Shampoo said, arriving five minutes later, immediately smelling the okonomiyaki and a certain odor. “Ranma…”

“What about Ranma?” Akane asked, coming to stop beside her roommate.

“He was here.” Ukyo nodded towards the counter. “Even paid for his food.”

“And Spatula Girl not harm? Shampoo too too impressed at restraint.”

“I wanted to, please believe me,” Ukyo replied.

Akane frowned. “What did he want?”

“Me, I guess. He started trying to woo me.” Ukyo giggled, leaning back and looking at the ceiling. “But when I didn’t go for it, well… Ranma’s gonna Ranma.” Ukyo laughed, putting her head down a bit and sighing again.

“How far did he shove his foot into his mouth?” Akane asked.

Ukyo shook her head. “He failed so badly at it that it helped me realize something else.”

Akane’s face started to dawn with recognition. “You don’t mean…” She started giggling. “Oh that’s too perfect.”

“What perfect?” Shampoo pouted, wondering what they were going on about.

“Ranma sweet-talked me all right,” Ukyo said, laughing again. “Right out of the closet.”

Shampoo froze for a second before lapsing into a hysterical fit of laughter that sent her falling to the floor.

“Is too, too good!” Shampoo howled, kicking her legs in amusement. “Shampoo almost want track down Ranma and tell.”

Akane raised a hand in protest. “Hang on now, I want to see the look on his face, too.”

All three shared a laugh at that.

“Well, that’s me outed,” Ukyo said.

“And I came out a couple days ago,” Akane said.

The two turned their heads to the ex-Amazon.

“Thinking it Shampoo who next?” Shampoo laughed haughtily. “Shampoo know exactly what Shampoo is, and that okay.”

“You could at least humor us,” Ukyo pointed out with mock intensity.

“Yeah,” Akane added in similar fashion.

“Is too, too mean! Spatula Girl and Tomboy is bullying poor Shampoo!” the purple haired girl cried with fake duress, drawing laughs from her friends.

“Anyway,” Akane said after thinking for a second, “You wanna go get dinner tonight Ukyo? You could use a night off after something like this.”

Ukyo smiled. “Why not?” She turned to Shampoo. “ You want to handle dinner rush tonight Shampoo?”

“Shampoo do it.” The former Amazon said, getting up off the floor. “Go and have fun, fun night together. Just not too too much fun, Akane bed not big enough for three people.”

“I do need a bigger bed.” Shampoo looked at Akane with a slight frown. “We need a bigger bed.”

“I should go check out my wardrobe.” Ukyo stood up from the table. “After, all it’s a date right?”

“Yes,” Akane agreed.

“Well, I can’t look like some loser who can’t even get off work long enough to change into something suitable.” Ukyo turned for the back, intent on going to her apartment. She had to have something nice to wear.

“Is okay?” Shampoo asked, as she noticed Akane blushing a little.

“It seems like a dream,” Akane said, smiling wanly. “It’s going to be a thing isn’t it?”

“Shampoo think you is not speaking seriously enough.” Shampoo smiled though, showing she was only teasing. “But is good. Tomboy is going to have too, too good time, Shampoo feel.”

“Is this okay though? I mean… you and I sleep together, and we made out…”

“Shampoo no mind if Tomboy go for Spatula Girl.” Shampoo leaned in and whispered into Akane’s ear. “But you is breaking Shampoo’s heart if you forget her.”

Akane didn’t look at Shampoo, didn’t say anything. She just swept her into a hug, not even hesitating to initiate close contact.

“Shampoo care much about Tomboy, and Shampoo no want to hate.” Shampoo melted into the hug, relishing the closeness. “Shampoo is tired from hating things.”

“So am I,” Akane whispered, tightening the hug a little.

Shampoo silently gripped onto Akane, even as Ukyo came back from her apartment.

They really do look good together, Ukyo thought to herself, not wanting to break the moment. But there’s no point in feeling left out. They’re your friends now after all, they’ll only abandon you if you abandon them first.

Her resolve tightened, the chef silently walked over and turned it into a group hug.

“Aiya!” Shampoo squealed, now smooshed between Akane and Ukyo. “Is all for Shampoo?”

“In a way,” Ukyo said, smiling to herself. “I know it’s hard to trust at times, and we've been taking some huge emotional risks so far. But don’t worry sugar; I still got time for you if you want it. I’m your friend aren’t I?”

“Shampoo say so.” Akane gave Shampoo a look. “Tomboy agrees that Spatula Girl is Shampoo friend.”

Akane giggled a little.

“Well it looks like it’s unanimous,” Ukyo said, nodding quickly. “Think we should open back up yet?”

“Another five minutes, I really like this,” Akane said.

“Shampoo think that too, too good idea.”

And thus the trio settled down into their hug, feelings surging and dancing between them.


= = =


*Pulls the pin and runs out of the thread with the grenade*

Wait-

*DEAD*

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

RE: [TAW] Escaping Ranma Saotome!

Also. The entirety of Ranma 1/2 is raging bullshit.

That's a bit of an understatement. To continue the analogy, Ranma 1/2 (and many of Rumiko Takahashi's works, come to think of it) is such a gigantic pile of raging bullshit it's like walking past a pile of manure twice your height when suddenly the bullshit leaps up, spontaneously transforms into an Angry Marine, and decides you make a good weapon to bludgeon tanks with.

The whole point of the unseen (but often mentioned) fight at the start was exhausting them physically and emotionally to the point they realize the problem wasn't any of them, but Ranma.

I think that's one of the problems many people have with this fic, really - that the incident that provoked all this happened off screen. Granted, that's probably because it makes a much better Noodle Incident than a fully explained and shown one. Just be sure each time it gets referenced that something new and absurd is revealed about it. We've already got Kuno, dancing Japanese fascists, and exploding chickens, so I think the logical next step is to include some vegan zombie tourists.

 

[striker1346]

*Pulls the pin and runs out of the thread with the grenade*

Wait-

*DEAD*

[Vader] NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!! [/Vader]

 

[Anonguy]

RE: [TAW] Escaping Ranma Saotome!

Also. The entirety of Ranma 1/2 is raging bullshit.

That's a bit of an understatement. To continue the analogy, Ranma 1/2 (and many of Rumiko Takahashi's works, come to think of it) is such a gigantic pile of raging bullshit it's like walking past a pile of manure twice your height when suddenly the bullshit leaps up, spontaneously transforms into an Angry Marine, and decides you make a good weapon to bludgeon tanks with.

The whole point of the unseen (but often mentioned) fight at the start was exhausting them physically and emotionally to the point they realize the problem wasn't any of them, but Ranma.

I think that's one of the problems many people have with this fic, really - that the incident that provoked all this happened off screen. Granted, that's probably because it makes a much better Noodle Incident than a fully explained and shown one. Just be sure each time it gets referenced that something new and absurd is revealed about it. We've already got Kuno, dancing Japanese fascists, and exploding chickens, so I think the logical next step is to include some vegan zombie tourists.

That kind of goes without saying. After vegan zombie tourists, it's really hard not to want to ask, "WHAT IS MY LIFE?"

 

[The Ero-Sennin]

Gafgar, yous gots an idea there. Gimme a second.

Addendum: Noodle Incident so far: Kuno, exploding chickens, dancing ultranationalists, vegan zombie tourists, and X Japan.

 

[nixofcyzerra]

RE: [TAW] Escaping Ranma Saotome!

The whole point of the unseen (but often mentioned) fight at the start was exhausting them physically and emotionally to the point they realize the problem wasn't any of them, but Ranma.

This is my problem with this fic. Ranma is not the source of the three girl's problems, and it's incredibly unreasonable and unfair for them to decide this (although I'll admit that it's less unreasonable for Akane to do so.)

Ukyo and Shampoo (especially Shampoo) did stupid things to win or win over Ranma, but he's not to blame for their actions just because he was their motivation.

That's like saying that Kuno's challenge at the start of the manga was Akane's fault.

 

[ThreadWeaver]

RE: [TAW] Escaping Ranma Saotome!

This is my problem with this fic. Ranma is not the source of the three girl's problems, and it's incredibly unreasonable and unfair for them to decide this (although I'll admit that it's less unreasonable for Akane to do so.)

Ukyo and Shampoo (especially Shampoo) did stupid things to win or win over Ranma, but he's not to blame for their actions just because he was their motivation.

That's like saying that Kuno's challenge at the start of the manga was Akane's fault.

Ummm... You've not been in a relationship with women for very long have you? No matter what happens, it's always the guy's fault. It may be unjust, unfair or just f-ing stupid, but the running theme of my generation is that the guy can't be right/ can't NOT be at fault. Ever. Popular media seems to try to back that up at any given opportunity.

I think this is a story that follows through on that perception, no matter whether Ranma is at fault or not.

I agree it's unfair to lump it all on him, since as you said, they could have stopped at any time, and it was unreasonable for them to expect him to burden the weight of the decisions forced upon him. Since the story seems to be written from the women's perspective, they can have whatever delusions they want-doesn't make them right, just that's what they believe.

Ranma stuck his foot so far in his mouth with the Ukyo confrontation that he could tickle the bottom of his stomach with his toes, but delusions were had on both sides, so I guess it all evens out. If he wants to get back at them, then he can grow from it, be a better man and get women that would make THEM jealous. Be a better person by example, and all that crap.

Hah. Who am I kidding? Ranma? Learn from anything other than a physical brawl? Heh.

 

[The Ero-Sennin]

RE: [TAW] Escaping Ranma Saotome!

I agree it's unfair to lump it all on him, since as you said, they could have stopped at any time, and it was unreasonable for them to expect him to burden the weight of the decisions forced upon him.

But that's the thing. They did decide to stop, they just did before he did. Besides, The Reversal Jewel pretty much showed that he doesn't want it to stop, even when the shit is laid out and explained to him perfectly what he stands to gain from walking away from the problem.

 

[nixofcyzerra]

RE: [TAW] Escaping Ranma Saotome!

I agree it's unfair to lump it all on him, since as you said, they could have stopped at any time, and it was unreasonable for them to expect him to burden the weight of the decisions forced upon him.

But that's the thing. They did decide to stop, they just did before he did. Besides, The Reversal Jewel pretty much showed that he doesn't want it to stop, even when the shit is laid out and explained to him perfectly what he stands to gain from walking away from the problem.

But they didn't stop because they realised that their behaviour was too... extreme, but because they decided that the prize wasn't worth the effort. They don't seem to have learnt anything. If some other guy (or girl) came along and there was enough bs reasoning for the girls to all become interested in him/her, I could see them reverting back to the same old mindset.

And while Ranma did act like that during the Reversal Jewel arc, he has acted otherwise in several other chapters both before and after. He was somewhat willing to intentionally lose to Mousse in volume 10, and never showed a desire to hang on to Shampoo as a source of his reluctance, and he seemed to throughly approve when he thought Ryouga and Ukyo were dating during the The Cursed Tunnel of Lost Love arc.

 

[The Ero-Sennin]

Oh, they came to the conclusion that their behavior was too extreme. They also tied their extreme behavior to Ranma and resolved it by ditching him.

Unfair? Yes.

Unreasonable? Yes.

But since when am I being fair to Ranma at all in this story? There are plenty of stories where that happens.

[size=-5]Also, the cursed tunnel of love? That hasn't happened in this story. After Reversal Jewel, before Ryugenzawa.[/size]

 

[Anonguy]

Yes, the fair thing is to remain in a toxic relationship that everyone can agree would be better off not happening. Because one side's PWECIOUS FEE-FEES might be trampled on.

The reasonable thing to do is stay with a person who doesn't even give a shit about you at all except in the capacity of how much you can swell their ego. Because you deciding to dump them as you realize you might be better off without them is unreasonable. Because again, their precious feelings and all.

It's not unfair or unreasonable. He'd have them twisting in the wind forever if he had his way because he can't even spit out how he feels without a Herculean effort. It's all bullshit and the fact that you're more concerned about Ranma says volumes about how awful you are as a person.

 

[coconutED]

RE: [TAW] Escaping Ranma Saotome!

And while Ranma did act like that during the Reversal Jewel arc, he has acted otherwise in several other chapters both before and after.

There's also the fact that at the start of that particular arc, Ranma was initially accepting of Shampoo's rejection; his main effort at first was getting her to tell him why her affections suddenly changed. It was only after Shampoo (in her mind-altered state) refused to give a straight answer and instead physically assault him did he begin actively trying to win her back.

 

[nixofcyzerra]

Oh, they came to the conclusion that their behavior was too extreme. They also tied their extreme behavior to Ranma and resolved it by ditching him.

Unfair? Yes.

Unreasonable? Yes.

But since when am I being fair to Ranma at all in this story? There are plenty of stories where that happens.

[size=-5]Also, the cursed tunnel of love? That hasn't happened in this story. After Reversal Jewel, before Ryugenzawa.[/size]

...Fair enough.

Yes, the fair thing is to remain in a toxic relationship that everyone can agree would be better off not happening. Because one side's PWECIOUS FEE-FEES might be trampled on.

The reasonable thing to do is stay with a person who doesn't even give a shit about you at all except in the capacity of how much you can swell their ego. Because you deciding to dump them as you realize you might be better off without them is unreasonable. Because again, their precious feelings and all.

It's not unfair or unreasonable. He'd have them twisting in the wind forever if he had his way because he can't even spit out how he feels without a Herculean effort. It's all bullshit and the fact that you're more concerned about Ranma says volumes about how awful you are as a person.

Yes. Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying. Oh wait, no it's not. You dick.

If any of the three had gone:

"Ranma, this whole thing we've got going is is just getting depressing and turning me into someone I don't like, someone who wagers their livelihood as part of an entrapment scheme and emotionally manipulates you to win your loyalty, or tries to feed you magic date-rape drugs in your sleep and murder hypotenuses while pretending to rescue them. I mean, you didn't help with being so wishy-washy, but that sort of behaviour is still completely inappropriate. So... unless you can say that you want me and nobody else, right here and now, I'm giving up on you."

"..."

"All-right then. I'm not going to want to talk to you for a while, but if you give me some space, I hope that someday we can be friends again. Bye."

then I would have no problem at all.

But that's not what's happening. They're taking no responsibility for their actions, and acting like they were innocent victims of Ranma.

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

But that's not what's happening. They're taking no responsibility for their actions, and acting like they were innocent victims of Ranma.

Of course they are, they're Ranma 1/2 characters. In other news, water is wet, fire is hot, and France loses wars.

 

[Ninsaneja]

The problem is that it really seems like the authors agree with their point of view. Or to put it a different way, the narration and events of the story in no way disagree with the otherwise insane point of view of the three girls.

 

[The Ero-Sennin]

Yeah, fuck that narraive and those authors.

Wait.

 

[Ninsaneja]

Man, you know what I'm trying to say.

 

[The Ero-Sennin]

If you want fair and balanced, there's Fox News.

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

TES.

Please tell me Fox News didn't somehow inspire this fanfic.

 

[The Ero-Sennin]

Not in the least. In fact, this fic only existed as a handful of chapter titles before I thought: "Let's do this bitch" and voila

 

[Cynical Kyle]

Ero you're slipping, your trollfics used to be more subtle & nuanced than this. You have a nice, fresh concept just itching to make people nerdrage impotently, but with the ham-fisted way it's being handled at the moment it feels more like bad NTR doujin.

So step up your game, tone the bashing a bit to make your audience lower their guard and then unleash more suffering. Without the forlorn hope of things getting better for protag the NTR-feel you've got going is just too bland. You can do better than this man.

 

[Anonguy]

Honestly, if you're stupid enough to read the goddamn title and somehow have hope for Ranma in this scenario, the problem ain't on our end.