Akamatsuverse The Wheel Turns......
- Thread starter David Alan Abramczyk
- Start date
Good stuff. I must say, your forte lies in your excellent writing style. It's just really good. The way it flows makes the fic really enjoyable to read. It really looks like I can pick up quite a lot from reading your fics.
The only problem is....Donald...
Once again you're letting him take up centre stage. Not to mention he beat up Naru. Well, yes, you can argue that Naru deserves it, but for an OC like Donald to deliver retribution like that... :huh:
I couldn't help but feel that Donald is slowly sinking into the Gary Stu mould. And really, no reader wants to see a Gary Stu or Mary Sue. And when a Gary Stu gets the better of a canon character...well...there goes the fic. Even if it's a particularly evil canon character, you should never allow OCs to suddenly get the better of them. Leave delivering retribution to the canon characters, if required at all.
I believe your main objective right now would be to focus back on the supernatural plot and continue on laying down some suspense and mystery, or perhaps some action. I mean, you didn't bring Kanako and Tsuruko together for nothing did you? Keep Donald way in the background and focus more on the canon characters.
Sorry, I know I have a tendency to repeat myself and sound like an utter know-it-all
But being brutally honest is better than being pleasantly misleading, right? :lol:
Anyway, other than that, the fic is looking good. Keep it up. ^_^
The only problem is....Donald...
Once again you're letting him take up centre stage. Not to mention he beat up Naru. Well, yes, you can argue that Naru deserves it, but for an OC like Donald to deliver retribution like that... :huh:
I couldn't help but feel that Donald is slowly sinking into the Gary Stu mould. And really, no reader wants to see a Gary Stu or Mary Sue. And when a Gary Stu gets the better of a canon character...well...there goes the fic. Even if it's a particularly evil canon character, you should never allow OCs to suddenly get the better of them. Leave delivering retribution to the canon characters, if required at all.
I believe your main objective right now would be to focus back on the supernatural plot and continue on laying down some suspense and mystery, or perhaps some action. I mean, you didn't bring Kanako and Tsuruko together for nothing did you? Keep Donald way in the background and focus more on the canon characters.
Sorry, I know I have a tendency to repeat myself and sound like an utter know-it-all
But being brutally honest is better than being pleasantly misleading, right? :lol: Anyway, other than that, the fic is looking good. Keep it up. ^_^
He didn't actually beat her. He used something infinitely worse: words.
I got the idea from R. Lee Ermy in Full Metal Jacket. I quote:
Former US Marines Drill Instructor R. Lee Ermey was originally hired to give Tim Colceri, who was originally hired to play Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, the basics of giving a realistic performance as a Marine Drill Instructor. He performed a demonstration on videotape in which he yelled obscene insults and abuse for fifteen minutes without stopping, repeating himself, or even flinching, despite being continuously pelted with tennis balls and oranges. Stanley Kubrick was so impressed that he cast Ermey as Gunnery Sergeant Hartman instead and cast Colceri as the Doorgunner.
That's what the reference to 'Gunney' was.
Still, you have a point. Is anything salvagable in what I wrote, or should I scrap the whole chapter and start again?
I got the idea from R. Lee Ermy in Full Metal Jacket. I quote:
Former US Marines Drill Instructor R. Lee Ermey was originally hired to give Tim Colceri, who was originally hired to play Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, the basics of giving a realistic performance as a Marine Drill Instructor. He performed a demonstration on videotape in which he yelled obscene insults and abuse for fifteen minutes without stopping, repeating himself, or even flinching, despite being continuously pelted with tennis balls and oranges. Stanley Kubrick was so impressed that he cast Ermey as Gunnery Sergeant Hartman instead and cast Colceri as the Doorgunner.
That's what the reference to 'Gunney' was.
Still, you have a point. Is anything salvagable in what I wrote, or should I scrap the whole chapter and start again?
Su bounced up and down on the balls of her bare feet as she waited impatiently for her turn at the concession stand. Kanako had invited her and Shinobu to come with her to see a movie, and was holding tickets for "Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit" in her hand. The Goth girl was looking over at Shinobu with concern. The little bluenette had been sniffing and quietly crying since they'd left the apartments. Su had mentioned why that was, and it had set Kanako thinking.
"Shinobu... Can I ask you something?" she asked softly. Shinobu looked up, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "Did you know that..." Kanako paused, unsure of what to say. She closed her eyes and pressed on as best she could. "You have a strong ki aura around you?"
Shinobu's watery blue eyes looked into Kanako's brown ones in surprise. "Like.. Like Motoko-sempai?" she asked, before Su bounded over, half-hidden behind a bucket of popcorn and with an ice cream in each hand.
"Come on, Shinomu and Kanako! The film is about to start!" she declared. She balanced the bucket of popcorn on her head and skipped over to the usher. "We'll talk more after the film." Kanako said, as she and Shinobu followed Su.
======================================================
Keitaro leaned his head against Mutsumi's shoulder as he slept. The catharsis he had experienced had left him drained, and with the whiskey inside him, he'd dropped off. Mutsumi gently stroked his temple, her usual happy-go-lucky expression nowhere to be seen.
"Ara, Kei-kun..... I had no idea..." she whispered. Carefully she pulled him down so his head rested comfortably in her lap, and just listened to his still slightly disjointed breathing.
======================================================
Motoko and Tsuruko walked up to the Hinata-sou, having returned from their training camp, and opened the door. Inside, everything was deathly quiet. Kitsune was sitting on the couch, an unopened bottle of sake in her hand, as she looked blankly down at the table. Motoko recognised this posture of Kitsune. Something terrible must have happened, terrible enough to make Kitsune sober. She kneeled down in front of the fox, and put her hand under Kitsunes' chin, lifting it up so she could look eye-to-eye with the older woman.
"By the Kami.... What happened to you, Kitsune?" asked Motoko. Kitsune looked into Motoko's face, and said a name.
"Naru..."
To say that the swordswoman was surprised was a great understatement. In fact, she was dumbfounded. Naru had done something to her best friend, something terrible enough to cause her to fall into a depressive state.
Tsuruko was in the kitchen when Motoko appeared at the door. "What happened here, Motoko? I don't need to use my ki sense to know that something bad has happened."
======================================================
In Tokyo itself, three glum looking men sat in a karaoke bar, listening to some balding, portly salaryman butchering the classic British punk anthem "London Calling" by The Clash. They each had a mug of beer in front of them, and many empty bottles on the table. Shirai Kimiaki, Haitani Masayuki, and Kentaro Sakata swayed from side to side as the alcohol worked its' way through them.
"Y'know somming?" Haitani slurred drunkenly. "Tha' Keitaro... 's'on abloodygoodthin'... How'd he manage to get to run 'nall girls dorm, eh?"
"A boun'y....boun'y.. a big pile a riches...." Shirai agreed. He grabbed his drink, and tried to drink it down, causing half of it to spill down his "Kanagawa Neverland" jacket.
"You're both dizgraceful..." Kentaro said. This was the first time since Haruka had forced him to work for her that he'd got time off, and he'd taken the opportunity with both hands. "Y'right, though. I should be the one with Naru, not that geeky squirt..." he continued morosely. "Imagine. I, Sankaro Tetata, defeated by some ronin for the hand of the fair Narusegawa..."
"Hmmm....." the sorry trio grunted, before drinking their beers.
======================================================
Under the Hinata-sou, in the twisting darkened corridors of old, a door creaked open slowly, and something drifted through, making a piece of paper on the doorframe flutter for a moment. Inside the room, under an old dust cloth, sat a clockwork automaton of a young girl in an old-fashioned dress.
"I sense you in here, whoever you are..." a soft voice spoke, as the dust cloth shivered for a moment. Slowly, a figure faded in. It was almost identical to the doll under the cloth, but looked more human than machine.
A soft warm chuckle drifted into the room as another figure, this one of a bearded, middle-aged European man, faded in after her. He was dressed in the white Tropical uniform of a Royal Navy officer circa. 1941, and had a revolver sealed in a leather holster at his hip.
"Indeed you do, Guardian of the Hinata-sou." The man spoke, before bowing. "Permit me to introduce myself. I am Lieutenant-Commander Warwick Johannsen, late of His Majestys' Battleship Prince Of Wales, and the Guardian of my grandson, Donald Johannsen."
The young girl bowed in reply. "And I am Moe, Protector of this place, and of Keitaro Urashima. What brings you to my domain?"
Warwick's face became grim. "The demon sealed in the hills behind this place is trying to free itself once more. Already it has chosen a pawn to use to free itself. It needs only one last push, and it will escape its' prison."
"What of the Shinmei-ryu? Will they help us?" Moe asked, equally serious. Warwick shook his head.
"The elder sister knows the danger, through my grandchild, but the heir of the school... She has been blinded. Blinded by fear, and her hatred of men. It does not help that the demon preyed on her perceptions and her fears. Even now, as you know, she has regularly used her skills and powers to punish a righteous man, whose only fault is to be incautious of his surroundings at times. Were it not for the young ones, and the Sea Princess, he may have left long ago, and taken all hope with him."
Moe nodded for a moment. "She will be better for him, I think. Give him time, and he shall raise his eyes from the sandpit of his memories, and see what is in front of him."
Warwick nodded. "I hope so too... By the way, in case we fail, what reserves have we?"
"There is a group of girls in Tokyo whom I have managed to bring in, although they know not who I am. There is also those who reside at the temple in Nekomi whom are aware of the situation."
"Good." Warwick said slowly. "But in the end, it will still come down to one man. Keitaro."
"Then let us hope he will be ready...." Moe replied, before both figures faded away.
======================================================
By the time Tsuruko and Motoko had heard everything, the common room of the Hinata was filled by a pair of blood-red battle auras. Both the Aoyama's were furious at Naru for treating Keitaro in such a callous fashion.
'Not even a spineless weakling like Keitaro should be treated with such dishonour and disrespect!' Motoko thought with a growl.
Tsuruko on her part, managed to keep a more level head. "So, where is Miss Narusegawa? I think we should.... discuss this with her."
Mitsune shrugged. "Haven't seen her since Donald left to go somewhere..." she said. 'Naru, what has been getting into you lately?' she wondered of her best friend.
======================================================
Mutsumi schooled her face into a more normal expression for her as she felt Keitaro start to stir. The glasses-wearing ronin blinked a few times as he tried to focus.
'Huuu... Where am I? Let me think: I'm lying down on something soft and warm... Okay maybe it's a futon.. It's coloured green and brown... Wait a minute. Warm and soft? Green and brown?! OH NOOOOO!' Keitaro was beginning to panic, when a soft hand began to stroke the curve of his face.
"Kei-kun..." Mutsumi said, in her breathy, little-girl voice, which made her sound like the legendary American actress Marilyn Monroe. That sweet, innocent voice, coupled with her gentle caress, helped to sooth Keitaro's rattled mind and injured soul.
======================================================
Moe nodded to herself as she faded away from Mutsumi's apartment. She was happy that Keitaro had finally found his true 'Promise Girl', even if he hadn't realised it yet, but, at the same time, she was sad that he'd had to suffer so much heartache to get to here.
"Be happy, Kei.... You've earned it..." she said, returning to her room in the darkened hallways, beneath the apartment.
======================================================
It was peaceful here, Naru reflected, as she sat behind the waterfall up in the hills. She'd come up here to think on what had happened that day, away from anything that could cloud her judgement. At least that was her rationale. Deep down, so far down that she was barely aware of it, Naru had taken stock of herself, and she hadn't liked what she'd discovered.
'For someone ranked Top in the Nation on the University Entrance Exams, I've done some pretty dumb things...' she thought to herself.
'Why though? Before Keitaro came, I never had this... this beserker rage. Is something wrong with me?'
Her Pride and Ego tried to launch a counter-attack. "It's all Keitaro's fault! If he wasn't such a perverted idiot and kept groping me..." She faultered as a persistant memory brought itself to her attention. She studied it carefully, and slowly paled. She reviewed all her memories of the times she'd 'punished' Keitaro. Each time the same conclusion came up.
'My God... Keitaro... How could I have been such a bitch? Haruka told us time and again about your clumsyness, and your forgetfulness...'
"It's not as if we haven't given him any number of chances..." This was weak, even she had to admit it.
She winced violently as she recalled a particular memory. Keitaro had spent three hours cleaning the hot spring, and she and Kitsune had sneaked in when he left and made a huge mess. And then, she'd thumped him for 'failing to do a good job'.
Sniffing now, Naru felt her cheeks grow moist, and not due to the waterfall. 'He treated us like Queens- no, like Goddesses. And how did we repay his efforts? With humiliation and pain... God, he must be a saint to have put up with us like this for so long.'
'We never gave him a chance to prove himself: Kitsune bilked cash out of him on the very first day, and played me like a chump. Motoko's tried to force him to leave, and I.... It's been that one moment I've reached out to him, the next I've hammered him for making mistakes even I make occasionally...'
Naru buried her face in her arms, trying to block out the terrible image that had risen before her eyes. As if mocking her, the voice of Keitaro's friend Donald rang in her ears, the soft words he'd spoken less than an hour ago stabbing into her like a thousand knives.
"...Why do you do it, Narusegawa-san? Do you get a thrill from degrading an innocent man; does smashing his psyche into tiny fragments make you feel like a woman?" he had asked. The most terrible thing was, he'd never raised his voice, never shown any anger. If he'd shouted at her, or slapped her, she would have vented her anger on him and all would return to normal. Instead, her anger had become directed inwards, stripping away her self-delusions and baring her soul to the cold light of day for the first time in years.
"He's a clumsy daydreamer!"
'Maybe, but he's also our manager, a friend, a....'
"DAMNIT!" she screamed in frustration. "Why am I so stupid? Why couldn't I have told him how I truly felt about him? Why can't I tell him that I care for him, but I can hurt him?! Why? WHY?!"
She subsided into silent crying again. "Why did I push him away?" she whispered brokenly.
For the first time since Keitaro came to the Hinata, Naru felt a new emotion wash over her. Remorse. A bitter chuckle escaped her lips.
"Just like with Seta.. I got so hung up about what might happen that I let him slip through my fingers... And now Keitaro's done the same."
Naru slowly got to her feet and stretched out her stiff shoulders. 'I need to go talk to Keitaro, beg for his forgiveness.'
She walked out from behind the waterfall, and to make her way back. Curiously, she came across a clearing in the woods that looked... wrong to her. She walked across it, when suddenly she tripped on a rock, and ran headlong into a boarded up cave entrance.
*CRASH!*
The wood smashed as Naru ran through it. She looked around as she brought herself to a stop, and screamed. The sight before Naru made her wish that she'd continued to go to church like she had when she was a girl.
There, towering over her, was a picture-perfect description of a demon. It opened its' eyes, and then roared.
"FREEEDOOOMMMMM!!!!!"
It surged forwards, and grabbed Naru, bringing it up to it's face. It smiled evilly and began to laugh. It was too much for her. She passed out, whispering three words as she did.
"Keitaro... help me...."
"Shinobu... Can I ask you something?" she asked softly. Shinobu looked up, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "Did you know that..." Kanako paused, unsure of what to say. She closed her eyes and pressed on as best she could. "You have a strong ki aura around you?"
Shinobu's watery blue eyes looked into Kanako's brown ones in surprise. "Like.. Like Motoko-sempai?" she asked, before Su bounded over, half-hidden behind a bucket of popcorn and with an ice cream in each hand.
"Come on, Shinomu and Kanako! The film is about to start!" she declared. She balanced the bucket of popcorn on her head and skipped over to the usher. "We'll talk more after the film." Kanako said, as she and Shinobu followed Su.
======================================================
Keitaro leaned his head against Mutsumi's shoulder as he slept. The catharsis he had experienced had left him drained, and with the whiskey inside him, he'd dropped off. Mutsumi gently stroked his temple, her usual happy-go-lucky expression nowhere to be seen.
"Ara, Kei-kun..... I had no idea..." she whispered. Carefully she pulled him down so his head rested comfortably in her lap, and just listened to his still slightly disjointed breathing.
======================================================
Motoko and Tsuruko walked up to the Hinata-sou, having returned from their training camp, and opened the door. Inside, everything was deathly quiet. Kitsune was sitting on the couch, an unopened bottle of sake in her hand, as she looked blankly down at the table. Motoko recognised this posture of Kitsune. Something terrible must have happened, terrible enough to make Kitsune sober. She kneeled down in front of the fox, and put her hand under Kitsunes' chin, lifting it up so she could look eye-to-eye with the older woman.
"By the Kami.... What happened to you, Kitsune?" asked Motoko. Kitsune looked into Motoko's face, and said a name.
"Naru..."
To say that the swordswoman was surprised was a great understatement. In fact, she was dumbfounded. Naru had done something to her best friend, something terrible enough to cause her to fall into a depressive state.
Tsuruko was in the kitchen when Motoko appeared at the door. "What happened here, Motoko? I don't need to use my ki sense to know that something bad has happened."
======================================================
In Tokyo itself, three glum looking men sat in a karaoke bar, listening to some balding, portly salaryman butchering the classic British punk anthem "London Calling" by The Clash. They each had a mug of beer in front of them, and many empty bottles on the table. Shirai Kimiaki, Haitani Masayuki, and Kentaro Sakata swayed from side to side as the alcohol worked its' way through them.
"Y'know somming?" Haitani slurred drunkenly. "Tha' Keitaro... 's'on abloodygoodthin'... How'd he manage to get to run 'nall girls dorm, eh?"
"A boun'y....boun'y.. a big pile a riches...." Shirai agreed. He grabbed his drink, and tried to drink it down, causing half of it to spill down his "Kanagawa Neverland" jacket.
"You're both dizgraceful..." Kentaro said. This was the first time since Haruka had forced him to work for her that he'd got time off, and he'd taken the opportunity with both hands. "Y'right, though. I should be the one with Naru, not that geeky squirt..." he continued morosely. "Imagine. I, Sankaro Tetata, defeated by some ronin for the hand of the fair Narusegawa..."
"Hmmm....." the sorry trio grunted, before drinking their beers.
======================================================
Under the Hinata-sou, in the twisting darkened corridors of old, a door creaked open slowly, and something drifted through, making a piece of paper on the doorframe flutter for a moment. Inside the room, under an old dust cloth, sat a clockwork automaton of a young girl in an old-fashioned dress.
"I sense you in here, whoever you are..." a soft voice spoke, as the dust cloth shivered for a moment. Slowly, a figure faded in. It was almost identical to the doll under the cloth, but looked more human than machine.
A soft warm chuckle drifted into the room as another figure, this one of a bearded, middle-aged European man, faded in after her. He was dressed in the white Tropical uniform of a Royal Navy officer circa. 1941, and had a revolver sealed in a leather holster at his hip.
"Indeed you do, Guardian of the Hinata-sou." The man spoke, before bowing. "Permit me to introduce myself. I am Lieutenant-Commander Warwick Johannsen, late of His Majestys' Battleship Prince Of Wales, and the Guardian of my grandson, Donald Johannsen."
The young girl bowed in reply. "And I am Moe, Protector of this place, and of Keitaro Urashima. What brings you to my domain?"
Warwick's face became grim. "The demon sealed in the hills behind this place is trying to free itself once more. Already it has chosen a pawn to use to free itself. It needs only one last push, and it will escape its' prison."
"What of the Shinmei-ryu? Will they help us?" Moe asked, equally serious. Warwick shook his head.
"The elder sister knows the danger, through my grandchild, but the heir of the school... She has been blinded. Blinded by fear, and her hatred of men. It does not help that the demon preyed on her perceptions and her fears. Even now, as you know, she has regularly used her skills and powers to punish a righteous man, whose only fault is to be incautious of his surroundings at times. Were it not for the young ones, and the Sea Princess, he may have left long ago, and taken all hope with him."
Moe nodded for a moment. "She will be better for him, I think. Give him time, and he shall raise his eyes from the sandpit of his memories, and see what is in front of him."
Warwick nodded. "I hope so too... By the way, in case we fail, what reserves have we?"
"There is a group of girls in Tokyo whom I have managed to bring in, although they know not who I am. There is also those who reside at the temple in Nekomi whom are aware of the situation."
"Good." Warwick said slowly. "But in the end, it will still come down to one man. Keitaro."
"Then let us hope he will be ready...." Moe replied, before both figures faded away.
======================================================
By the time Tsuruko and Motoko had heard everything, the common room of the Hinata was filled by a pair of blood-red battle auras. Both the Aoyama's were furious at Naru for treating Keitaro in such a callous fashion.
'Not even a spineless weakling like Keitaro should be treated with such dishonour and disrespect!' Motoko thought with a growl.
Tsuruko on her part, managed to keep a more level head. "So, where is Miss Narusegawa? I think we should.... discuss this with her."
Mitsune shrugged. "Haven't seen her since Donald left to go somewhere..." she said. 'Naru, what has been getting into you lately?' she wondered of her best friend.
======================================================
Mutsumi schooled her face into a more normal expression for her as she felt Keitaro start to stir. The glasses-wearing ronin blinked a few times as he tried to focus.
'Huuu... Where am I? Let me think: I'm lying down on something soft and warm... Okay maybe it's a futon.. It's coloured green and brown... Wait a minute. Warm and soft? Green and brown?! OH NOOOOO!' Keitaro was beginning to panic, when a soft hand began to stroke the curve of his face.
"Kei-kun..." Mutsumi said, in her breathy, little-girl voice, which made her sound like the legendary American actress Marilyn Monroe. That sweet, innocent voice, coupled with her gentle caress, helped to sooth Keitaro's rattled mind and injured soul.
======================================================
Moe nodded to herself as she faded away from Mutsumi's apartment. She was happy that Keitaro had finally found his true 'Promise Girl', even if he hadn't realised it yet, but, at the same time, she was sad that he'd had to suffer so much heartache to get to here.
"Be happy, Kei.... You've earned it..." she said, returning to her room in the darkened hallways, beneath the apartment.
======================================================
It was peaceful here, Naru reflected, as she sat behind the waterfall up in the hills. She'd come up here to think on what had happened that day, away from anything that could cloud her judgement. At least that was her rationale. Deep down, so far down that she was barely aware of it, Naru had taken stock of herself, and she hadn't liked what she'd discovered.
'For someone ranked Top in the Nation on the University Entrance Exams, I've done some pretty dumb things...' she thought to herself.
'Why though? Before Keitaro came, I never had this... this beserker rage. Is something wrong with me?'
Her Pride and Ego tried to launch a counter-attack. "It's all Keitaro's fault! If he wasn't such a perverted idiot and kept groping me..." She faultered as a persistant memory brought itself to her attention. She studied it carefully, and slowly paled. She reviewed all her memories of the times she'd 'punished' Keitaro. Each time the same conclusion came up.
'My God... Keitaro... How could I have been such a bitch? Haruka told us time and again about your clumsyness, and your forgetfulness...'
"It's not as if we haven't given him any number of chances..." This was weak, even she had to admit it.
She winced violently as she recalled a particular memory. Keitaro had spent three hours cleaning the hot spring, and she and Kitsune had sneaked in when he left and made a huge mess. And then, she'd thumped him for 'failing to do a good job'.
Sniffing now, Naru felt her cheeks grow moist, and not due to the waterfall. 'He treated us like Queens- no, like Goddesses. And how did we repay his efforts? With humiliation and pain... God, he must be a saint to have put up with us like this for so long.'
'We never gave him a chance to prove himself: Kitsune bilked cash out of him on the very first day, and played me like a chump. Motoko's tried to force him to leave, and I.... It's been that one moment I've reached out to him, the next I've hammered him for making mistakes even I make occasionally...'
Naru buried her face in her arms, trying to block out the terrible image that had risen before her eyes. As if mocking her, the voice of Keitaro's friend Donald rang in her ears, the soft words he'd spoken less than an hour ago stabbing into her like a thousand knives.
"...Why do you do it, Narusegawa-san? Do you get a thrill from degrading an innocent man; does smashing his psyche into tiny fragments make you feel like a woman?" he had asked. The most terrible thing was, he'd never raised his voice, never shown any anger. If he'd shouted at her, or slapped her, she would have vented her anger on him and all would return to normal. Instead, her anger had become directed inwards, stripping away her self-delusions and baring her soul to the cold light of day for the first time in years.
"He's a clumsy daydreamer!"
'Maybe, but he's also our manager, a friend, a....'
"DAMNIT!" she screamed in frustration. "Why am I so stupid? Why couldn't I have told him how I truly felt about him? Why can't I tell him that I care for him, but I can hurt him?! Why? WHY?!"
She subsided into silent crying again. "Why did I push him away?" she whispered brokenly.
For the first time since Keitaro came to the Hinata, Naru felt a new emotion wash over her. Remorse. A bitter chuckle escaped her lips.
"Just like with Seta.. I got so hung up about what might happen that I let him slip through my fingers... And now Keitaro's done the same."
Naru slowly got to her feet and stretched out her stiff shoulders. 'I need to go talk to Keitaro, beg for his forgiveness.'
She walked out from behind the waterfall, and to make her way back. Curiously, she came across a clearing in the woods that looked... wrong to her. She walked across it, when suddenly she tripped on a rock, and ran headlong into a boarded up cave entrance.
*CRASH!*
The wood smashed as Naru ran through it. She looked around as she brought herself to a stop, and screamed. The sight before Naru made her wish that she'd continued to go to church like she had when she was a girl.
There, towering over her, was a picture-perfect description of a demon. It opened its' eyes, and then roared.
"FREEEDOOOMMMMM!!!!!"
It surged forwards, and grabbed Naru, bringing it up to it's face. It smiled evilly and began to laugh. It was too much for her. She passed out, whispering three words as she did.
"Keitaro... help me...."
I'll admit, I haven't been following this fic all too much, but I am curious to see how all of it unfolds.
Although, given the recent circumstances, I wonder more about Naru. So, she's been snooping around Don's past, been told to back off by Haruka, she's dumped Keitaro, been given a rather massive tongue-lashing by Don, has seem to lost Kitsune as a friend, and now has both the Aoyama sisters on her...
I hope you don't mind me saying this but the development of Naru's actions leading up to all that seems to have been rather weak. Hell, between the tongue-lashing and now, she hasn't even appeared at all. For a character that's suddenly made herself a near enemy of everybody else, there isn't that much to actually justify it from the story.
Now, the majority will disagree with me. It stems from the fact that I'm a Naru fan, so of course, my opinion may be a bit biased in regards to anything that involves her. But personally, skimping out on the characterization and turning her straight into the antagonist is rather weak material. It just doesn't make sense, really, given what has happened and what we actually read.
Overall, it depends on what you're planning to do. I suspect that demon in the cave will be playing a bigger role soon. How you integrate that with the story, or if you're planning to involve it with Naru - I read some of the old comments and you mentioned something like that - is up to you.
But, take my opinion for what it's worth. I get upset easily when Naru isn't characterized enough. It doesn't detract from the story, and I apologize for anyhting I may have said, but it's just a matter of what I was thinking of.
So, keep writing. I want to see more.
Although, given the recent circumstances, I wonder more about Naru. So, she's been snooping around Don's past, been told to back off by Haruka, she's dumped Keitaro, been given a rather massive tongue-lashing by Don, has seem to lost Kitsune as a friend, and now has both the Aoyama sisters on her...
I hope you don't mind me saying this but the development of Naru's actions leading up to all that seems to have been rather weak. Hell, between the tongue-lashing and now, she hasn't even appeared at all. For a character that's suddenly made herself a near enemy of everybody else, there isn't that much to actually justify it from the story.
Now, the majority will disagree with me. It stems from the fact that I'm a Naru fan, so of course, my opinion may be a bit biased in regards to anything that involves her. But personally, skimping out on the characterization and turning her straight into the antagonist is rather weak material. It just doesn't make sense, really, given what has happened and what we actually read.
Overall, it depends on what you're planning to do. I suspect that demon in the cave will be playing a bigger role soon. How you integrate that with the story, or if you're planning to involve it with Naru - I read some of the old comments and you mentioned something like that - is up to you.
But, take my opinion for what it's worth. I get upset easily when Naru isn't characterized enough. It doesn't detract from the story, and I apologize for anyhting I may have said, but it's just a matter of what I was thinking of.
So, keep writing. I want to see more.
So far, so good. I feel it needs a bit more introspective material - more internal dialogue and mental back-and-forth. As well, you may need to mention and bring in a bit in regards to what Donald had said to her just before.
Just some ideas. Other than that, keep at it. Again, I'm curious to see how it will play out.
Just some ideas. Other than that, keep at it. Again, I'm curious to see how it will play out.
Okay everyone, take your places and send in your suggestions for primers for this, the second-to-last chapter of "The Wheel Turns"...
With multiple thanks to Random1377 for this plot hook.
======================================================
Mutsumi and Donald gently carried Keitaro back to the dorm, Tama-chan sitting on Keitaro's chest, occasionally 'Myuh'-ing as the manager snored. Donald looked over at Mutsumi. "He's so light... Has he been eating right?" Mutsumi shrugged, as they passed Haruka's teashop. Haruka came out and followed them, mostly to see that Mutsumi didn't faint on the steps.
When they entered, Mutsumi laid Keitaro on the couch, while Haruka went to make tea. Donald sat down next to Keitaro and sighed. "What are we going to do with you, Keitaro?" he asked rhetorically, as he pulled a magazine from his jacket pocket and began to read it. "I dunno... Frankly, I'm amazed you've put up with all this. You must be a saint or something..." Donald snorted, before returning to his magazine.
A few minutes later, Tsuruko and Motoko came in. Not raising his eyes, the Englishman raised his finger to his lips. "Shh... The lads' asleep."
Tsuruko sat down beside Donald and looked at Keitaro. "Mutsumi told me everything that happened... Is there...?"
"No. Let the laddie rest." Donald remarked. They watched him sleep for a moment, before Motoko looked up. She blanched, and reached instinctively for her sword.
"Aneue... Did you sense that?" Tsuruko looked up, and softly gasped. Donald gave them a puzzled look over his magazine, before freezing and turning pale.
"By the pricking of my thumbs... Something wicked this way comes..." he muttered, tapping his sword to check it was still there. Standing up, he looked at the two swordswomen. "Looks like I was right. I hate it when I'm right..." he said. Tsuruko nodded. "We shall collect our weapons; you go ahead and see what the situation is."
"Aye, Ma'am." Donald declared, turning and running out, returning a few moment's later to put his magazine on the table and to get his shoes.
Motoko dashed to her room to find her blade. As she dashed down the stairs with Shisui in her grasp, she skidded to a stop outside Keitaro's room. For a moment she was certain she had sensed something, but then she dismissed it from her mind and ran off.
======================================================
Donald sprinted towards the site, jumping over fallen logs, and showing a surprising level of agility for such a man. He skidded to a halt behind a thick oak, and paused for a moment to get his breath back. It wouldn't do, after all, to be shagged out before the fight started. Carefully, he looked around the tree-trunk, drawing out and flicking the safety off his Walther as he peered. What he saw made him sweat, and unconsciously pull the slide back on his PPK, ejecting a round.
Standing in the centre of the clearing, translucent for the moment, but slowly gaining substance, was a creature of horrifying appearance, and enormous proportions. It looked like the abominable offspring of the imaginations of Hans Ruedi Giger and Howard Phillips Lovecraft. In the centre of its forehead, growing out like some sort of monstrous horn, was a dull-eyed Naru, who flopped almost lifelessly about...
Donald shivered. He'd heard stories about demons like this; ones that fed on the life energies of a sacrifice. "This is bad; this is really bad...." He muttered.
He whipped his head around as he sensed two people approaching. He breathed out in relief as he saw it was Motoko and Tsuruko. Urgently he waved them over.
"It's a class-3 'Akuma' demon; destruction-type." he muttered. "It's got Miss Narusegawa, and is using her as a source of energy. We need to get the job done quick-smart, before it gains too much power..."
Motoko nodded. "Leave this to us, Johannsen-san, we'll cleanse Naru." Tsuruko drew her blade in agreement.
"Roger that. But I want that demon. Long story, but it was responsible for my grandfather's death, I'm certain of it..."
Motoko gave him a greatly sceptical look, to which he smirked. "This sabre isn't just for show, Aoyama-san. If you'd bothered to check my background to any depth, you'd have found that I am a member of the Johannsen School of Swordsmanship. Hell, I'm the heir of it, no less; I know my way around the blade..." There were a couple of soft grinding sounds as the three warriors drew their swords, and jumped out at the demon.
=====================================================
Back at the sou, Mitsune wandered into the common room, to find Mutsumi sitting on the couch with Keitaro's head in her lap. The Okinawan girl was gently stroking Keitaro's face and hair; for an instant, Mitsune felt a pang of something. Sighing, she walked over. "Say there, Turtle-girl, how's our manager doin'?"
Mutsumi opened her mouth to speak, when Keitaro's eyes slammed open, and he jerked upright. "Kei-kun?" Mutsumi asked, as he jerkily got to his feet, and walked to the door. He turned, and gave Mutsumi a soft smile.
"I... I'm just going out for a bit, to take care of something." He explained. "I'll be back soon..." With that, he walked upstairs. After a moments pause, Mitsune and Mutsumi followed at a discrete distance. They watched him go up into his room, then into the loft. From there, he took hold of a katana that was sheathed in a black lacquer scabbard, and fixed it to his belt.
======================================================
Donald growled as he skidded along the rough ground into a tree. Motoko and Tsuruko were both leaping around the demon, graceful as swallows as their blades flashed, while he was being clobbered up one side and down the other. Stumbling to his feet, he flexed his wrists, and delved into the Special Attacks of the Johannsen School of Swordsmanship.
"Krijgshaftige Formulier: Tyfoon Snee!" he shouted, his blade cutting the air in a line from his right shoulder to left hip. A strong gust of wind extended from the edge of his sabre, picking up clumps of earth, stones, and bits of wood as it whistled towards the demon. The blow was a clean one, sending the demon stumbling back, which Tsuruko capitalized on.
"Raimeiken Ni-no-Tachi!" A bolt of ki flashed from her blade, and struck the demon just below where Naru flopped about. The brunette Todai aspirant began to slide out of the demon's forehead, and Motoko sailed up and pulled her free. Gently, she deposited her down behind a tree next to Donald, who took his jacket and cap off, and began to administer first aid.
"Hold tight, lass. We'll see you right. Besides, we still need to have a discussion about how you've been treating Keitaro..."
Donald gave Naru a check over, then covered her with his jacket, to keep her warm. He tucked his hat under her head as a makeshift pillow, before coming back out, weighing up the situation.
He spun around, sword ready, as he heard something crashing through the undergrowth towards him, before relaxing as Keitaro appeared, clutching a sheathed sword and looking winded.
"Keitaro? What the blazes are you doing here?" Donald hissed softly. Keitaro blinked, then shook his head a few times.
"I-I'm not sure. Last I remember was lying on the sofa in the common room, next thing I know, here I am with a sword..."
Donald looked at the weapon in question. "Any good at it? We're in a bit of a tight spot, and could use an extra set of hands."
Keitaro shrugged, and drew the blade. Suddenly, darkness swirled around him.
There was a faint "Oh bollocks..." from Donald, as he realised what was going on. A sudden grim chuckle escaped his lips.
======================================================
Both Shinmeiryu practitioners gasped, and looked behind them at where Donald was. He frantically waved them over, before shoving Keitaro out into the line of fire.
Motoko looked incensed. "And you call yourself a friend of Keitaro! How dare you throw him out to the-"
"Motoko, that isn't Keitaro." Tsuruko interrupted, her eyes narrowed. "Can you not sense it? He... he is possessed..." she gasped. "That... that is the Ominous Blade, is it not? The Cursed Sword of the Urashima Clan, that set Kyoto ablaze before being sealed by the Shinmeiryu so long ago..."
"Is it?" Donald asked calmly. "I just thought it was an opportunity to get rid of that beastie once and for all."
The now-possessed Keitaro, giggling madly, began to slash away at the demon, which howled, and fought back.
Donald smirked, and nodded. "Supernatural Darwinism. Demons like that are fiercely territorial, so, what we have here is a win-win situation. Either the demon in the sword wins, in which case it should be a simple matter to take Keitaro out, or the Akuma there will knock Keitaro out, and then be easy pickings for us. Either way, score one for the Good Guys."
Both swordswomen shivered at his coldly analytical words, and Motoko began to wonder just what went on in the European man's mind; how he could be so warm and kind one moment, and so, so evil the next...
======================================================
The battle went on for nearly half an hour, with Donald lazily throwing an attack out every so often to spice it up, and to keep the two demons in the area around the cavern. Finally, the two demons reached a stalemate of exhaustion. Donald nodded. "Back to work." He strolled out, just as Keitaro fell.
With a Dutch war cry, he charged. His blade flashed again and again as it bit deep into it's flesh, while Motoko dragged Keitaro away, and her sister prepared to perform the ancient ritual to seal the demon in the blade, and render the Urashima Blade harmless.
Then it happened. Just as the demon in the sword was safely sealed, a roar filled the air, followed by a piercing scream. The two Shinmeiryu swordswomen spun around.
Donald was on his knees, clutching the side of his face, as blood poured down it. The demon had raked his face with its' claws. Tsuruko gasped when he took his hand from his face, and showed-
"Oh, Kami-sama... He's been blinded!" she cried out, as the mangled man slowly forced himself to his feet. A glowing battle aura surrounded him as he looked at the beast, then at Tsuruko.
"Get Keitaro and Naru out of here!" He shouted. The frightening appearance of his ruined face spurred the two women to drag the non-combatants away.
"Right. Now to get serious." Donald said, slamming his sword into the soil.
"Martial Form: Compass Warriors!"
======================================================
Tsuruko and Motoko rushed back to the Hinata-sou, carrying their precious cargo to safety. Tsuruko happened to glance at Motoko, and couldn't help but notice something: she cradled Keitaro to herself like a mother with her child, or possibly even like newly-weds. The older sister smiled. There was hope for Motoko yet, if she had allowed someone like Keitaro in there.
Arriving at the sou, they soon had the residents helping out, although they did need to keep Su from using her more esoteric devices on the both of them. Why she wanted to test a lightning-powered re-animation device, like something from a horror film, on Keitaro, no one could guess. Mitsune looked at the somewhat haggard looking pair, and asked, "Where's Donald?"
Before either could speak, Motoko stared off into the distance. "To the roof!" she shouted, and blazed off, the others following her like the tail of a comet.
Getting there, the two ki-adepts stared as they saw four identical signatures rise into the sky, then suddenly seem to explode with power. A distant voice, in four-part harmony, screamed out.
"Uiteindelijk Martiaal Vorm: Feniks Meteoor Krach!"
Four giant fireballs arched up, then smashed one after the other into the ground. A giant mushroom cloud of flames rose into the sky, before suddenly winking out. The Hinata-sou was violently rocked by shockwaves, as the air...
The air seemed lighter, the gathered residents realised. They looked at Motoko, who looked at her sister. "It is done. The beast has been destroyed."
"But.. What about Johannsen-sempai?" Shinobu quavered.
"What's happened to who?" a calm, unflappable voice called out. Haruka stood on the steps leading up to the deck, an unlit cigarette hanging from her mouth. "I just came up from the Teahouse, and I find Naru and Keitaro out cold in the common area. Anyone care to explain what's going on?"
Tsuruko stepped forward. "We will explain soon enough, Urashima-san. But for now, please, take Kanako and find Donald; I fear he has been gravely injured during the battle."
Haruka remained as stoic as ever, as she nodded and went back inside. There was a plaintive cry of "But Onii-chan needs to be taken care of!", before the doors opened and closed, and Haruka headed out, followed by a scowling Kanako.
======================================================
Kanako kicked at the ground, sulking. Her beloved Onii-chan was lying unconscious in the common room and needed to be cared for; and she was stuck out here with Haruka, looking for someone.
A pile of rubble over by a tall oak shifted, and a pained groan escaped it. Haruka jogged over, and began to clear it away. It took a minute, but it was found to be Donald.
Both women recoiled at the sight of his injuries. He looked... oddly peaceful, despite his facial injuries. They eased him out, and only then did they see the full extent of his injuries. His left arm was gone below the elbow, both legs were broken, and he was pale from blood loss.
He opened his good eye, and stared blearily at the two. "Did I... Did it work?" he mumbled. Haruka nodded.
"Whatever you did, it worked. Good work, Donald."
"Thanks... Dangerous technique, though..." he mumbled, before going limp as he passed out.
With multiple thanks to Random1377 for this plot hook.
======================================================
Mutsumi and Donald gently carried Keitaro back to the dorm, Tama-chan sitting on Keitaro's chest, occasionally 'Myuh'-ing as the manager snored. Donald looked over at Mutsumi. "He's so light... Has he been eating right?" Mutsumi shrugged, as they passed Haruka's teashop. Haruka came out and followed them, mostly to see that Mutsumi didn't faint on the steps.
When they entered, Mutsumi laid Keitaro on the couch, while Haruka went to make tea. Donald sat down next to Keitaro and sighed. "What are we going to do with you, Keitaro?" he asked rhetorically, as he pulled a magazine from his jacket pocket and began to read it. "I dunno... Frankly, I'm amazed you've put up with all this. You must be a saint or something..." Donald snorted, before returning to his magazine.
A few minutes later, Tsuruko and Motoko came in. Not raising his eyes, the Englishman raised his finger to his lips. "Shh... The lads' asleep."
Tsuruko sat down beside Donald and looked at Keitaro. "Mutsumi told me everything that happened... Is there...?"
"No. Let the laddie rest." Donald remarked. They watched him sleep for a moment, before Motoko looked up. She blanched, and reached instinctively for her sword.
"Aneue... Did you sense that?" Tsuruko looked up, and softly gasped. Donald gave them a puzzled look over his magazine, before freezing and turning pale.
"By the pricking of my thumbs... Something wicked this way comes..." he muttered, tapping his sword to check it was still there. Standing up, he looked at the two swordswomen. "Looks like I was right. I hate it when I'm right..." he said. Tsuruko nodded. "We shall collect our weapons; you go ahead and see what the situation is."
"Aye, Ma'am." Donald declared, turning and running out, returning a few moment's later to put his magazine on the table and to get his shoes.
Motoko dashed to her room to find her blade. As she dashed down the stairs with Shisui in her grasp, she skidded to a stop outside Keitaro's room. For a moment she was certain she had sensed something, but then she dismissed it from her mind and ran off.
======================================================
Donald sprinted towards the site, jumping over fallen logs, and showing a surprising level of agility for such a man. He skidded to a halt behind a thick oak, and paused for a moment to get his breath back. It wouldn't do, after all, to be shagged out before the fight started. Carefully, he looked around the tree-trunk, drawing out and flicking the safety off his Walther as he peered. What he saw made him sweat, and unconsciously pull the slide back on his PPK, ejecting a round.
Standing in the centre of the clearing, translucent for the moment, but slowly gaining substance, was a creature of horrifying appearance, and enormous proportions. It looked like the abominable offspring of the imaginations of Hans Ruedi Giger and Howard Phillips Lovecraft. In the centre of its forehead, growing out like some sort of monstrous horn, was a dull-eyed Naru, who flopped almost lifelessly about...
Donald shivered. He'd heard stories about demons like this; ones that fed on the life energies of a sacrifice. "This is bad; this is really bad...." He muttered.
He whipped his head around as he sensed two people approaching. He breathed out in relief as he saw it was Motoko and Tsuruko. Urgently he waved them over.
"It's a class-3 'Akuma' demon; destruction-type." he muttered. "It's got Miss Narusegawa, and is using her as a source of energy. We need to get the job done quick-smart, before it gains too much power..."
Motoko nodded. "Leave this to us, Johannsen-san, we'll cleanse Naru." Tsuruko drew her blade in agreement.
"Roger that. But I want that demon. Long story, but it was responsible for my grandfather's death, I'm certain of it..."
Motoko gave him a greatly sceptical look, to which he smirked. "This sabre isn't just for show, Aoyama-san. If you'd bothered to check my background to any depth, you'd have found that I am a member of the Johannsen School of Swordsmanship. Hell, I'm the heir of it, no less; I know my way around the blade..." There were a couple of soft grinding sounds as the three warriors drew their swords, and jumped out at the demon.
=====================================================
Back at the sou, Mitsune wandered into the common room, to find Mutsumi sitting on the couch with Keitaro's head in her lap. The Okinawan girl was gently stroking Keitaro's face and hair; for an instant, Mitsune felt a pang of something. Sighing, she walked over. "Say there, Turtle-girl, how's our manager doin'?"
Mutsumi opened her mouth to speak, when Keitaro's eyes slammed open, and he jerked upright. "Kei-kun?" Mutsumi asked, as he jerkily got to his feet, and walked to the door. He turned, and gave Mutsumi a soft smile.
"I... I'm just going out for a bit, to take care of something." He explained. "I'll be back soon..." With that, he walked upstairs. After a moments pause, Mitsune and Mutsumi followed at a discrete distance. They watched him go up into his room, then into the loft. From there, he took hold of a katana that was sheathed in a black lacquer scabbard, and fixed it to his belt.
======================================================
Donald growled as he skidded along the rough ground into a tree. Motoko and Tsuruko were both leaping around the demon, graceful as swallows as their blades flashed, while he was being clobbered up one side and down the other. Stumbling to his feet, he flexed his wrists, and delved into the Special Attacks of the Johannsen School of Swordsmanship.
"Krijgshaftige Formulier: Tyfoon Snee!" he shouted, his blade cutting the air in a line from his right shoulder to left hip. A strong gust of wind extended from the edge of his sabre, picking up clumps of earth, stones, and bits of wood as it whistled towards the demon. The blow was a clean one, sending the demon stumbling back, which Tsuruko capitalized on.
"Raimeiken Ni-no-Tachi!" A bolt of ki flashed from her blade, and struck the demon just below where Naru flopped about. The brunette Todai aspirant began to slide out of the demon's forehead, and Motoko sailed up and pulled her free. Gently, she deposited her down behind a tree next to Donald, who took his jacket and cap off, and began to administer first aid.
"Hold tight, lass. We'll see you right. Besides, we still need to have a discussion about how you've been treating Keitaro..."
Donald gave Naru a check over, then covered her with his jacket, to keep her warm. He tucked his hat under her head as a makeshift pillow, before coming back out, weighing up the situation.
He spun around, sword ready, as he heard something crashing through the undergrowth towards him, before relaxing as Keitaro appeared, clutching a sheathed sword and looking winded.
"Keitaro? What the blazes are you doing here?" Donald hissed softly. Keitaro blinked, then shook his head a few times.
"I-I'm not sure. Last I remember was lying on the sofa in the common room, next thing I know, here I am with a sword..."
Donald looked at the weapon in question. "Any good at it? We're in a bit of a tight spot, and could use an extra set of hands."
Keitaro shrugged, and drew the blade. Suddenly, darkness swirled around him.
There was a faint "Oh bollocks..." from Donald, as he realised what was going on. A sudden grim chuckle escaped his lips.
======================================================
Both Shinmeiryu practitioners gasped, and looked behind them at where Donald was. He frantically waved them over, before shoving Keitaro out into the line of fire.
Motoko looked incensed. "And you call yourself a friend of Keitaro! How dare you throw him out to the-"
"Motoko, that isn't Keitaro." Tsuruko interrupted, her eyes narrowed. "Can you not sense it? He... he is possessed..." she gasped. "That... that is the Ominous Blade, is it not? The Cursed Sword of the Urashima Clan, that set Kyoto ablaze before being sealed by the Shinmeiryu so long ago..."
"Is it?" Donald asked calmly. "I just thought it was an opportunity to get rid of that beastie once and for all."
The now-possessed Keitaro, giggling madly, began to slash away at the demon, which howled, and fought back.
Donald smirked, and nodded. "Supernatural Darwinism. Demons like that are fiercely territorial, so, what we have here is a win-win situation. Either the demon in the sword wins, in which case it should be a simple matter to take Keitaro out, or the Akuma there will knock Keitaro out, and then be easy pickings for us. Either way, score one for the Good Guys."
Both swordswomen shivered at his coldly analytical words, and Motoko began to wonder just what went on in the European man's mind; how he could be so warm and kind one moment, and so, so evil the next...
======================================================
The battle went on for nearly half an hour, with Donald lazily throwing an attack out every so often to spice it up, and to keep the two demons in the area around the cavern. Finally, the two demons reached a stalemate of exhaustion. Donald nodded. "Back to work." He strolled out, just as Keitaro fell.
With a Dutch war cry, he charged. His blade flashed again and again as it bit deep into it's flesh, while Motoko dragged Keitaro away, and her sister prepared to perform the ancient ritual to seal the demon in the blade, and render the Urashima Blade harmless.
Then it happened. Just as the demon in the sword was safely sealed, a roar filled the air, followed by a piercing scream. The two Shinmeiryu swordswomen spun around.
Donald was on his knees, clutching the side of his face, as blood poured down it. The demon had raked his face with its' claws. Tsuruko gasped when he took his hand from his face, and showed-
"Oh, Kami-sama... He's been blinded!" she cried out, as the mangled man slowly forced himself to his feet. A glowing battle aura surrounded him as he looked at the beast, then at Tsuruko.
"Get Keitaro and Naru out of here!" He shouted. The frightening appearance of his ruined face spurred the two women to drag the non-combatants away.
"Right. Now to get serious." Donald said, slamming his sword into the soil.
"Martial Form: Compass Warriors!"
======================================================
Tsuruko and Motoko rushed back to the Hinata-sou, carrying their precious cargo to safety. Tsuruko happened to glance at Motoko, and couldn't help but notice something: she cradled Keitaro to herself like a mother with her child, or possibly even like newly-weds. The older sister smiled. There was hope for Motoko yet, if she had allowed someone like Keitaro in there.
Arriving at the sou, they soon had the residents helping out, although they did need to keep Su from using her more esoteric devices on the both of them. Why she wanted to test a lightning-powered re-animation device, like something from a horror film, on Keitaro, no one could guess. Mitsune looked at the somewhat haggard looking pair, and asked, "Where's Donald?"
Before either could speak, Motoko stared off into the distance. "To the roof!" she shouted, and blazed off, the others following her like the tail of a comet.
Getting there, the two ki-adepts stared as they saw four identical signatures rise into the sky, then suddenly seem to explode with power. A distant voice, in four-part harmony, screamed out.
"Uiteindelijk Martiaal Vorm: Feniks Meteoor Krach!"
Four giant fireballs arched up, then smashed one after the other into the ground. A giant mushroom cloud of flames rose into the sky, before suddenly winking out. The Hinata-sou was violently rocked by shockwaves, as the air...
The air seemed lighter, the gathered residents realised. They looked at Motoko, who looked at her sister. "It is done. The beast has been destroyed."
"But.. What about Johannsen-sempai?" Shinobu quavered.
"What's happened to who?" a calm, unflappable voice called out. Haruka stood on the steps leading up to the deck, an unlit cigarette hanging from her mouth. "I just came up from the Teahouse, and I find Naru and Keitaro out cold in the common area. Anyone care to explain what's going on?"
Tsuruko stepped forward. "We will explain soon enough, Urashima-san. But for now, please, take Kanako and find Donald; I fear he has been gravely injured during the battle."
Haruka remained as stoic as ever, as she nodded and went back inside. There was a plaintive cry of "But Onii-chan needs to be taken care of!", before the doors opened and closed, and Haruka headed out, followed by a scowling Kanako.
======================================================
Kanako kicked at the ground, sulking. Her beloved Onii-chan was lying unconscious in the common room and needed to be cared for; and she was stuck out here with Haruka, looking for someone.
A pile of rubble over by a tall oak shifted, and a pained groan escaped it. Haruka jogged over, and began to clear it away. It took a minute, but it was found to be Donald.
Both women recoiled at the sight of his injuries. He looked... oddly peaceful, despite his facial injuries. They eased him out, and only then did they see the full extent of his injuries. His left arm was gone below the elbow, both legs were broken, and he was pale from blood loss.
He opened his good eye, and stared blearily at the two. "Did I... Did it work?" he mumbled. Haruka nodded.
"Whatever you did, it worked. Good work, Donald."
"Thanks... Dangerous technique, though..." he mumbled, before going limp as he passed out.
Kaolla Su's dorm room, and especially her lab was always a risky place to be. After all, who knew when her latest experiment might backfire and explode in a shower of sparks and red-hot metal. But today, possibly the least likely person in the world to willingly visit her was standing by a ten-foot tall tube, gazing in at what was inside. Mitsune Konno turned to look at her dorm-mate probingly.
"Are y'all sure this is gonna work?" she asked her. Su looked slightly offended at that, to which Mitsune waved her hands to smooth out the MolMolian girl's ruffled feathers. "Just askin' is all."
Su nodded, and tugged on her surgical gloves to ensure a proper fit. "Come, Nurse Kitsune, let's begin the operation..." she said, picking up a tube filled with nanobots. Mitsune nodded, and gave the unconcious figure inside the tube a brief smile.
====================================================
Downstairs, in the meantime, the other girls, Keitaro, and Tsuruko all sat in the common room, trying to make small talk while avoiding discussing recent events. Understandably, this was a tricky proposition. Everyone wracked their brains for a topic to start with, but nothing came, until at last, Tsuruko coughed.
"Motoko-han? There is something we must discuss..."
The younger Aoyama sister nodded, and followed her older sister outside. There they conversed in low voices, inaudible to outside ears. "Is this about Narusegawa-san, Aneue?" she asked.
Tsuruko nodded. "When Haruka and I were tending her wounds, I could sense her aura. It seems as though the Demon had been influencing her for a long time, for more than a year at the very least."
Realisation slowly began to dawn on Motoko's face. "That would have been about the time that Seta was her tutor. When he vanished that day she was very upset-"
"And the demon's influence on her mind began." Tsuruko finished for her. "Though it is now destroyed, the effect on her mind will linger for a long time. I would ask that you keep a watchful eye on her, Motoko-han, and help her recover."
"Hai! I will do all within my power to help her." Motoko nodded. 'Perhaps in this way, the stain on my own honour regarding Urashima may be expunged as well...' she added to herself, as the pieces of a mental puzzle began to fall into place for herself. The two swordswomen returned to the sitting room. Back in the room, they found Mutsumi was cradling Keitaro's head in her lap, while Kanako was glaring daggers at Naru.
"All right, I want some explanations, if you'd be so kind?" Haruka asked, the steel in her voice no longer hidden under her mask of disinterest. The Aoyama sisters sighed, realising that they were in for a long night.
====================================================
An instant passed, or an age; Naru could not tell, as she awoke. She slowly opened her eyes and sat up, looking around. "What.... Where am I?" she asked softly, feeling around for her glasses and unable to find them. She soon recognised it as being her room in the apartment, but it seemed.... different, somehow, like something had been moved around slightly and she couldn't tell what.
"Are y'all sure this is gonna work?" she asked her. Su looked slightly offended at that, to which Mitsune waved her hands to smooth out the MolMolian girl's ruffled feathers. "Just askin' is all."
Su nodded, and tugged on her surgical gloves to ensure a proper fit. "Come, Nurse Kitsune, let's begin the operation..." she said, picking up a tube filled with nanobots. Mitsune nodded, and gave the unconcious figure inside the tube a brief smile.
====================================================
Downstairs, in the meantime, the other girls, Keitaro, and Tsuruko all sat in the common room, trying to make small talk while avoiding discussing recent events. Understandably, this was a tricky proposition. Everyone wracked their brains for a topic to start with, but nothing came, until at last, Tsuruko coughed.
"Motoko-han? There is something we must discuss..."
The younger Aoyama sister nodded, and followed her older sister outside. There they conversed in low voices, inaudible to outside ears. "Is this about Narusegawa-san, Aneue?" she asked.
Tsuruko nodded. "When Haruka and I were tending her wounds, I could sense her aura. It seems as though the Demon had been influencing her for a long time, for more than a year at the very least."
Realisation slowly began to dawn on Motoko's face. "That would have been about the time that Seta was her tutor. When he vanished that day she was very upset-"
"And the demon's influence on her mind began." Tsuruko finished for her. "Though it is now destroyed, the effect on her mind will linger for a long time. I would ask that you keep a watchful eye on her, Motoko-han, and help her recover."
"Hai! I will do all within my power to help her." Motoko nodded. 'Perhaps in this way, the stain on my own honour regarding Urashima may be expunged as well...' she added to herself, as the pieces of a mental puzzle began to fall into place for herself. The two swordswomen returned to the sitting room. Back in the room, they found Mutsumi was cradling Keitaro's head in her lap, while Kanako was glaring daggers at Naru.
"All right, I want some explanations, if you'd be so kind?" Haruka asked, the steel in her voice no longer hidden under her mask of disinterest. The Aoyama sisters sighed, realising that they were in for a long night.
====================================================
An instant passed, or an age; Naru could not tell, as she awoke. She slowly opened her eyes and sat up, looking around. "What.... Where am I?" she asked softly, feeling around for her glasses and unable to find them. She soon recognised it as being her room in the apartment, but it seemed.... different, somehow, like something had been moved around slightly and she couldn't tell what.