Things Marvel Characters Are Not Allowed To Do

[bissek]

A sizable portion of the memos found at the following site qualify. It's basically a series of memos sent by Nick Fury to SHIELD and the Avengers in response to various character antics in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

<a href='http://memosfromfury.tumblr.com/' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>Memos From Fury</a>

 

[goldenarms]

A sizable portion of the memos found at the following site qualify. It's basically a series of memos sent by Nick Fury to SHIELD and the Avengers in response to various character antics in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

<a href='http://memosfromfury.tumblr.com/' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>Memos From Fury</a>

I LOVE this site. Some of my favorites...

Capt. Rogers should keep in mind that when Captain Britain referred to July 4th as ôGood Riddance Dayö he was indulging in what the British call ôdry wit.ö

Punching him in the throat was unnecessary.

Agent Coulson is reminded that, as amusing as it may be, he can not continue to taze Mr. Stark whenever heÆs being annoying. If he was tazed every time he was annoying, he would have brain damage. And unfortunately, S.H.I.E.L.D does need his brain intact.

In light of recent events, Base #13 is now under Level 3 Quarantine until such a time as the creature is found and exterminated.

All personnel are vehemently reminded not to accept unsolicited gifts from Agent Wilson. Ever.

Whoever told Thor that ôItÆs hammer time!ö was a war cry used by the ancient Vikings in his honor will be punished. Severely.

While Ms. Wanda Maximoff has a history of amnesia, agents are prohibited from trying to ôremindö her about the time they won the lottery.

While weÆre on the topic, I would personally like to thank Agent Barton for his extremely generous donation to S.H.I.E.L.D.Æs fund to support the families of agents lost in the line of duty.

In light of recent events, all personnel are reminded that by DEFINITION all gifts from Agent Wilson are to be classified as ôunsolicited.ö No matter what the occasion. Even if he manages to get your birthday right. DO. NOT. ACCEPT.

Agent Barton is hereby forbidden from playing ôWilliam Tellö with the new recruits. ItÆs bad for morale.

Furthermore, Loki is no longer to replace BartonÆs arrowheads with suction cups before missions, for reasons I should not have to explain.

All personnel will please cease asking Dr. Reed Richards whether his abilities allow him to ôstretch ANY part of his anatomy.ö The joke has gotten old, and the fact that Dr. Richards never gets it is, frankly, more embarrassing than the innuendo.

It has come to my attention that someone has replaced the pressure sensitive touch pads on Mr. ParkerÆs web shooters with plastic æsqueakerÆ toys three times this month. This is both unprofessional and potentially endangers the lives of Mr. Parker and those who work with him.

An investigation has been launched to determine the culprit. In the meantime, Mr. Stark has been ordered to knock it off, on general principle.

Agent Wilson is reminded that the proper way to settle a dispute is not through ôMortal Kombat,ö but through either civil discussion or paperwork. Also, it is inadvisable to attempt to perform a ôfatalityö on the God of Thunder.

 

[KageX]

132. Spiderman is completely fine, please ignore any inconsistencies in his behavior. They are merely the result of stress. We are getting him help. There is no need to investigate and see if anything is wrong with him. He has enough problems as is.

132b. Tony they figured it out, and I still need time to undo Octavius's handiwork. Please distract Peter's female "associates" until I am done. Reed Richards

132c. Well fuck. Tony Stark

 

[jaredstar]

133. Petter Parker shall not escape his responsibility to my daughter and his unborn child There fore He will be returned to his body and Otto Octavius shall be cast into the outer darkness where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

SO SAYS GALACTUS

 

[Cheifhotrod]

133(A) [Stare] How, when... All of Marvel

 

[KageX]

133b) Are you really going to ask again? Because it is private, and if you people keep asking, well I might just lose my temper Galacta

134) I really should not have to say this but in the future please refrain from pissing off the Cosmic Forces. Steve Rogers

134b) Especially if they are pregnant, lord alone knows how they will react. Anonymous

134c) How the hell did we go this long without posting a rule about this sort of thing? Luke Cage

 

[Cheifhotrod]

135) Spider-man is never to get drunk again, we're still trying to figure out how he did half the things he did or made. Steve Rogers