A while ago, I made a kooky fanfic called "Unique Power Ups", wherein each genin member of Team 7 wound up with an unusual set of powers. Shortly afterwards, I made a challenge in the Challenge section for people to post their own responses.
Here are the response I've gotten so far.
BTW, anyone who still wants to add their own little scenario to this should feel free to do so. There's always room for more crack.
Rules, original posts and responses to the "Unique Power Ups" Challenge, which can be found here. But if you do want to add more, PLEASE follow the rules posted in that thread.
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akun50, that nutcase who refers to himself in third person on occassions such as right now, supplied this to set the bar.
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Nanya wrote the first real response the challenge, albeit a short one. It's still funny.
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Luthorne took Team 7 down an odd path.
On Luthorne's behalf, I'll state the obvious series:
He-man
Cutey Honey
Venom from Marvel
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drakensis tossed in this tidbit.
From the White Wolf "Exalted" universe, for those who don't know.
The Exalted Wiki for all your Exalted questions.
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SotF added this bit of hilarity.
Sousuke Sagara - Full Metal Panic
Cloud Strife - Final Fantasy 7
Yachiru - Bleach
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foesjoe unleashed this as part of one of his mighty techniques!
For those who aren't quick on the uptake or have never seen the show, this is Spongebob Squarepants!Naruto, Sandy Cheeks!Sakura, and Squidward Tentacles!Sasuke.
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Fitzgerald decided to make an unusual yet very effective combination.
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Luthorne submitted a second entry. I have to say that this one, IMO, is slightly more funny than the last.
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Kerrus submitted this, then yelled, "TAKE THAT!"
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akun50 decided we needed one more entry. I honestly don't know what the hell he was thinking.
Naruto - Any RPG will do, but I had Neverwinter Nights specifically in mind when I wrote him.
Sakura - Harvest Moon: the girl's version. The Blue Feather, for those who've never played, allow you to marry.
Sasuke - Zabel Zarock (aka. Lord Raptor in the US) from Darkstalkers.
Here are the response I've gotten so far.
BTW, anyone who still wants to add their own little scenario to this should feel free to do so. There's always room for more crack.
Rules, original posts and responses to the "Unique Power Ups" Challenge, which can be found here. But if you do want to add more, PLEASE follow the rules posted in that thread.
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akun50, that nutcase who refers to himself in third person on occassions such as right now, supplied this to set the bar.
akun50 said:
WARNING: This was written on a whim.
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Crackfic: Unique Power-Ups
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Kakashi Hatake was concerned, but for the most part, he had to admit that skipping out on meeting his team the other day was mostly to keep himself from getting too attached to anyone, especially if he was just going to fail them. So, he'd simply sent a note to Iruka to send his team to Training Ground 14 the next day by 11 AM.
He tended to feel pretty letdown by all the teams he'd failed, and he felt worse that he couldn't even fulfill the job he'd wanted, which was to teach.
However, as noon approached, his three students began to appear.
And Hatake Kakashi's visible eye was wide with shock.
The blonde teenager wearing the stylized metal armor looked like he was more fitting in some ultra-gore comic, and he held a massive nasty-looking bastard sword in his right hand. The armor was a smooth black that didn't reflect light, and the helmet was some sort of falcon design. He had the faceplate raised, either to see better or so Kakashi could see his face. The deadly look in the blue eyes made Kakashi wonder if the Sandaime had decided to prank him and send a jonin.
Still, according to the file he'd picked up, this was supposedly Naruto Uzumaki, an infamous prankster who'd just graduated. But he simply didn't radiate the same attitude that Kakashi had come to expect out of pranksters.
The next to arrive was a woman with reddish-pink that was long and mostly wild, with a majority of it tied into a fountaining ponytail. There was a red tattoo of a crescent under a circle in the middle of her forehead, and a red scar-like tatto over her right eye. She wore a black robe with oversized white sleeves and sandals. Tied to a red cord at her mid-section two katanas, one on each side, and she moved with the grace of a master swordswoman. Her emerald eyes were made her seem almost as dangerous as Naruto.
But, according to the file, she was Sakura Haruno, the most intellectual girl in the academy, even if she was also the worst at practical skills. She didn't look like she was all that bad at practicals. Her Rurouni Kenshin-esque outfit was a tad unusual for ninja, but then again, the Akimichi wore samurai armor, so it wasn't too unusual.
Then came the last member of the group. And he was probably the most bizarre of the trio. The boy's face and hair looked identical to the file on Sasuke Uchiha, but the pink ballgown, golden crown, yellow parasol that had a face on it, and the pink high heels were simply NOT conducive to ninja-ing.
THIS was the supposed 'Genius Uchiha'?
At least the other two had dressed in outfits for battle.
In fact, his teammates seemed to be staring at him as well.
Naruto's faceplate had apparently lowered at some point, as he spoke through it, creating an almost metallic voice, "And you called ME the dobe."
"Seriously, Sasuke, this might be a repeat, but what the hell are you doing in THAT outfit?" Sakura inquired, showing no signs of her supposed fangirlism.
"What? It's got it's uses." Sasuke answered, before he noticed they were still staring. He huffed, bringing the parasol up so it was over his shoulder, and opening it so that it was blocking the sun.
[I think I'll use a Kage Bunshin instead of facing them myself.] Kakashi quickly decided, subtly creating a Kage Bunshin at a distance and swapping with it. If they could take him at half his chakra level, he'd pass them. Most couldn't even beat one of his Mizu Bunshin, so beating his Kage Bunshin would be good enough.
"All right, I think we'll just have a short battle to test your abilities. I have to see if you three have what it takes to be ninja." the Kage Bunshin Kakashi began.
"Like the fact that you're a Kage Bunshin, and the real Kakashi is hiding behind that tree?" Naruto said, pointing to the tree that the real Kakashi was indeed hiding behind.
"Heh, pretty good. But you still need to beat me, and that armor is going to slow you-" the Kage Bunshin Kakashi began.
Naruto was suddenly in front of the Kage Bunshin and swinging down with his sword. The Kage Bunshin barely managed to kawarimi out of the way, but was instantly wrapped up in chains from Sakura's sleeves.
Then, the most bizarre part came: Sasuke began crying abnormally large fountains of tears, but he shot forward like a bullet. Kakashi's clone barely managed to kawarimi out of the way again, but instinctively ducked another swipe from Naruto's blade. The clone found himself with a crewcut, but at least he'd retained his head, allowing him to kawarimi again.
Then Sasuke pulled an enormous white radish out of the ground and hurled it at the clone. Kakashi's clone wasn't initially worried, but then the bottom of the radish split open to reveal a maw filled with razor-sharp teeth, "RAAAH!!"
"AAAAAAH!" Kakashi's clone shrieked in horror and surprise and managed to Kawarimi once more.
Right in front of Sakura, who'd unsheathed her blades.
A second later, the real Kakashi got the memories of being diced in twenty different pieces and shuddered.
"Pass." Kakashi told them as he came out into the open.
[But what the hell am I supposed to teach them?!] Kakashi wondered.
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This, if you hadn't noticed, is a crackfic based on the idea that Team 7 getting power-ups based on other video games.
Naruto: Any random RPG (I figure the armor your characters would wind up in later in the game would probably look pretty fiercesome, and your weapons would look more so). Naruto's armor is nasty enough that anyone who tries to hit him will very likely get hurt in return. He could simply leap at his enemy and probably brutally maim them or even kill them, and combined with his Kage Bunshin?
Sakura: Baiken from Guilty Gear. She's got extendable chain claws under each arm, which she can use to catch opponents (or swing ala Spider Man), and she's trained in one-armed sword-styles. With two blades, that means she can dual-wield just as good as she can use one, and both blades can operate independently.
Sasuke: Super Princess Peach (actually, the idea was sparked by the Nario series on Deviantart). Most of it was originally going to be based on the Princess Peach from Super Mario 2, but I decided to look up an FAQ of Super Princess Peach to make him more useful. Though doofy looking, Sasuke can float, pull enormous vegetables out of the ground (as well as bombs, stop watches, etc.); can fly; create various Suiton, Katon and even mild Mokuton jutsus (he even create gravity-altering affects); can even heal himself while he's calm. His umbrella acts as the ultimate shield, capable of protecting him from virutally anything (but he can be pushed back and anything that can get around the umbrella still hurts). (The veggie-maw was actually a clever genjutsu.)
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Crackfic: Unique Power-Ups
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Kakashi Hatake was concerned, but for the most part, he had to admit that skipping out on meeting his team the other day was mostly to keep himself from getting too attached to anyone, especially if he was just going to fail them. So, he'd simply sent a note to Iruka to send his team to Training Ground 14 the next day by 11 AM.
He tended to feel pretty letdown by all the teams he'd failed, and he felt worse that he couldn't even fulfill the job he'd wanted, which was to teach.
However, as noon approached, his three students began to appear.
And Hatake Kakashi's visible eye was wide with shock.
The blonde teenager wearing the stylized metal armor looked like he was more fitting in some ultra-gore comic, and he held a massive nasty-looking bastard sword in his right hand. The armor was a smooth black that didn't reflect light, and the helmet was some sort of falcon design. He had the faceplate raised, either to see better or so Kakashi could see his face. The deadly look in the blue eyes made Kakashi wonder if the Sandaime had decided to prank him and send a jonin.
Still, according to the file he'd picked up, this was supposedly Naruto Uzumaki, an infamous prankster who'd just graduated. But he simply didn't radiate the same attitude that Kakashi had come to expect out of pranksters.
The next to arrive was a woman with reddish-pink that was long and mostly wild, with a majority of it tied into a fountaining ponytail. There was a red tattoo of a crescent under a circle in the middle of her forehead, and a red scar-like tatto over her right eye. She wore a black robe with oversized white sleeves and sandals. Tied to a red cord at her mid-section two katanas, one on each side, and she moved with the grace of a master swordswoman. Her emerald eyes were made her seem almost as dangerous as Naruto.
But, according to the file, she was Sakura Haruno, the most intellectual girl in the academy, even if she was also the worst at practical skills. She didn't look like she was all that bad at practicals. Her Rurouni Kenshin-esque outfit was a tad unusual for ninja, but then again, the Akimichi wore samurai armor, so it wasn't too unusual.
Then came the last member of the group. And he was probably the most bizarre of the trio. The boy's face and hair looked identical to the file on Sasuke Uchiha, but the pink ballgown, golden crown, yellow parasol that had a face on it, and the pink high heels were simply NOT conducive to ninja-ing.
THIS was the supposed 'Genius Uchiha'?
At least the other two had dressed in outfits for battle.
In fact, his teammates seemed to be staring at him as well.
Naruto's faceplate had apparently lowered at some point, as he spoke through it, creating an almost metallic voice, "And you called ME the dobe."
"Seriously, Sasuke, this might be a repeat, but what the hell are you doing in THAT outfit?" Sakura inquired, showing no signs of her supposed fangirlism.
"What? It's got it's uses." Sasuke answered, before he noticed they were still staring. He huffed, bringing the parasol up so it was over his shoulder, and opening it so that it was blocking the sun.
[I think I'll use a Kage Bunshin instead of facing them myself.] Kakashi quickly decided, subtly creating a Kage Bunshin at a distance and swapping with it. If they could take him at half his chakra level, he'd pass them. Most couldn't even beat one of his Mizu Bunshin, so beating his Kage Bunshin would be good enough.
"All right, I think we'll just have a short battle to test your abilities. I have to see if you three have what it takes to be ninja." the Kage Bunshin Kakashi began.
"Like the fact that you're a Kage Bunshin, and the real Kakashi is hiding behind that tree?" Naruto said, pointing to the tree that the real Kakashi was indeed hiding behind.
"Heh, pretty good. But you still need to beat me, and that armor is going to slow you-" the Kage Bunshin Kakashi began.
Naruto was suddenly in front of the Kage Bunshin and swinging down with his sword. The Kage Bunshin barely managed to kawarimi out of the way, but was instantly wrapped up in chains from Sakura's sleeves.
Then, the most bizarre part came: Sasuke began crying abnormally large fountains of tears, but he shot forward like a bullet. Kakashi's clone barely managed to kawarimi out of the way again, but instinctively ducked another swipe from Naruto's blade. The clone found himself with a crewcut, but at least he'd retained his head, allowing him to kawarimi again.
Then Sasuke pulled an enormous white radish out of the ground and hurled it at the clone. Kakashi's clone wasn't initially worried, but then the bottom of the radish split open to reveal a maw filled with razor-sharp teeth, "RAAAH!!"
"AAAAAAH!" Kakashi's clone shrieked in horror and surprise and managed to Kawarimi once more.
Right in front of Sakura, who'd unsheathed her blades.
A second later, the real Kakashi got the memories of being diced in twenty different pieces and shuddered.
"Pass." Kakashi told them as he came out into the open.
[But what the hell am I supposed to teach them?!] Kakashi wondered.
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This, if you hadn't noticed, is a crackfic based on the idea that Team 7 getting power-ups based on other video games.
Naruto: Any random RPG (I figure the armor your characters would wind up in later in the game would probably look pretty fiercesome, and your weapons would look more so). Naruto's armor is nasty enough that anyone who tries to hit him will very likely get hurt in return. He could simply leap at his enemy and probably brutally maim them or even kill them, and combined with his Kage Bunshin?
Sakura: Baiken from Guilty Gear. She's got extendable chain claws under each arm, which she can use to catch opponents (or swing ala Spider Man), and she's trained in one-armed sword-styles. With two blades, that means she can dual-wield just as good as she can use one, and both blades can operate independently.
Sasuke: Super Princess Peach (actually, the idea was sparked by the Nario series on Deviantart). Most of it was originally going to be based on the Princess Peach from Super Mario 2, but I decided to look up an FAQ of Super Princess Peach to make him more useful. Though doofy looking, Sasuke can float, pull enormous vegetables out of the ground (as well as bombs, stop watches, etc.); can fly; create various Suiton, Katon and even mild Mokuton jutsus (he even create gravity-altering affects); can even heal himself while he's calm. His umbrella acts as the ultimate shield, capable of protecting him from virutally anything (but he can be pushed back and anything that can get around the umbrella still hurts). (The veggie-maw was actually a clever genjutsu.)
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Nanya wrote the first real response the challenge, albeit a short one. It's still funny.
Nanya said:
"So, come at me." Kakashi smiled, though he idly wondered why the trio didn't disperse to the shrubs right away.
As one, the three looked at each other and nodded. "SHAZAM!" They yelled as one.
*CRACK-KA-BOOM!*
Kakashi had to close his eyes as lightning struck the three at once. 'What in the world?!' He thought to himself, blinking stupidly as the smoke cleared and in the place of the three Genin wannabes were three very muscular and large people.
Yep! Team 7 is now Captain Marvel. Sadly, they're only 1/3 as powerful as they could be.
As one, the three looked at each other and nodded. "SHAZAM!" They yelled as one.
*CRACK-KA-BOOM!*
Kakashi had to close his eyes as lightning struck the three at once. 'What in the world?!' He thought to himself, blinking stupidly as the smoke cleared and in the place of the three Genin wannabes were three very muscular and large people.
Yep! Team 7 is now Captain Marvel. Sadly, they're only 1/3 as powerful as they could be.
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Luthorne took Team 7 down an odd path.
Luthorne said:
They certainly didn't look like a promising bunch. The Kyuubi kid looked far too gangly to be a ninja, despite the oversized sword strapped to his back. And was that...the Fire Lord's cat? Sakura, on the other hand was giggling to herself; probably planning another prank; from what he'd heard, she was a real troublemaker, and enjoyed winding up her teachers. The last Uchiha...well, looked like a total nutjob, his head jerking around back and forth as he occasionally grinned malevolently at one of his supposed teammates. This was what he had to work with? Oh, well, the sooner this started, the sooner he could flunk them.
"So, you understand? Come at me with intent to kill, or you'll never pass this exam." He shivered involuntarily as all three leveled determined looks at him...and was Sasuke...grinning? He shivered; that was the most demented grin he'd seen leveled at him since he'd sat on Anko's dango tray, and she'd chased him across half of Konoha, determined to get any remainders...
Forcing himself away from that scarring (yet semi-erotic) memory, Kakashi's only visible eye widened as they all took a series of bizarre poses.
"By the power of Greyskull!"
"Cutie Honey...Flash!"
"We are...Venom!"
"So, you understand? Come at me with intent to kill, or you'll never pass this exam." He shivered involuntarily as all three leveled determined looks at him...and was Sasuke...grinning? He shivered; that was the most demented grin he'd seen leveled at him since he'd sat on Anko's dango tray, and she'd chased him across half of Konoha, determined to get any remainders...
Forcing himself away from that scarring (yet semi-erotic) memory, Kakashi's only visible eye widened as they all took a series of bizarre poses.
"By the power of Greyskull!"
"Cutie Honey...Flash!"
"We are...Venom!"
He-man
Cutey Honey
Venom from Marvel
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drakensis tossed in this tidbit.
drakensis said:
Kakashi shook his head. Teamwork from these three. They were all ignoring each other.
Of course they were also all screw-up of the highest order.
Uzumaki "no one remembers me" Na.. Maru... whatever his name was.
Uchiha "can change into animals" Sasuke. No Sharingan and apparently thought he was an Inuzuka.
Haruno "can't fucking FAIL at anything" Sakura. As if that was a bad thing. Although she doesn't seem to be hanging off the Uchiha, which is a step up from her classmates.
"Hi," he said casually, wandering into their view and wondering who would be the one to bitch about his tardiness. "Sorry I'm late but I was -"
"Hiding in the bushes over there," Naruto said, indicating the correct locations.
Kakashi raised an eyebrow. Unusually perceptive.
"Yeah, and incidentally you could have done with a bath this morning," Sasuke observed. "I could smell you from half the village away."
So both the boys had located him. Now he was impressed.
"So what are the bells in your pocket for?" Sakura asked.
She'd noticed those? Without even LOOKING in his direction. Maybe they did have a little talent after all.
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Naruto is a Sidereal Exalt, with the ability to bend fate and master the ULTIMATE MARTIAL ARTS Ö but has no flashy abilities and is inherently forgettable. He hates it and wishes he was like:
Sasuke is a Lunar Exalt, with the ability to change shapes into any animal he hunts down and eats the heart of. Or of humans. It's incredibly degrading and he loathes it and wishes he was like:
Sakura is a Solar Exalt who is capable of utter perfection in any skills. Like finding out what Sasuke likes in a girl or the real opinion of the other girls in the class of her. She'd KILL to have Naruto's manipulative abilities.
Of course they were also all screw-up of the highest order.
Uzumaki "no one remembers me" Na.. Maru... whatever his name was.
Uchiha "can change into animals" Sasuke. No Sharingan and apparently thought he was an Inuzuka.
Haruno "can't fucking FAIL at anything" Sakura. As if that was a bad thing. Although she doesn't seem to be hanging off the Uchiha, which is a step up from her classmates.
"Hi," he said casually, wandering into their view and wondering who would be the one to bitch about his tardiness. "Sorry I'm late but I was -"
"Hiding in the bushes over there," Naruto said, indicating the correct locations.
Kakashi raised an eyebrow. Unusually perceptive.
"Yeah, and incidentally you could have done with a bath this morning," Sasuke observed. "I could smell you from half the village away."
So both the boys had located him. Now he was impressed.
"So what are the bells in your pocket for?" Sakura asked.
She'd noticed those? Without even LOOKING in his direction. Maybe they did have a little talent after all.
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Naruto is a Sidereal Exalt, with the ability to bend fate and master the ULTIMATE MARTIAL ARTS Ö but has no flashy abilities and is inherently forgettable. He hates it and wishes he was like:
Sasuke is a Lunar Exalt, with the ability to change shapes into any animal he hunts down and eats the heart of. Or of humans. It's incredibly degrading and he loathes it and wishes he was like:
Sakura is a Solar Exalt who is capable of utter perfection in any skills. Like finding out what Sasuke likes in a girl or the real opinion of the other girls in the class of her. She'd KILL to have Naruto's manipulative abilities.
The Exalted Wiki for all your Exalted questions.
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SotF added this bit of hilarity.
SotF said:
Kakashi was a nervous wreck as he stared greedily at the bottle of the Hokage's best booze.
"How was your team?"
The question seemed so innocent, and if he'd had any other team it wouldn't make him want to strangle the old man.
"Sasuke Uchiha..."
His memory flashed back to when he told the trio that they would have to use lethal force. He certainly want expecting the boy to start changing the load of the tonnage of firearms he'd had on his person.
The next memory was dodging a blast only to have a tree collapse ontop of him that he barely got out of by tunneling underground.
"...dangerously destructive."
"And the others?"
"Naruto Uzumaki..."
The blond boy had hair that must have weighed at least a half-ton with the hair jell required for those spikes. Then there was the fact that he had glowing eyes and carried six different sword larger than most he'd ever seen.
Not to mention that they locked togather like some knife fetishists jisaw puzzle into one larger than the brat was.
"...unorthodox to say the least."
"And Sakura Haruno..."
He paused for a breath of air and turned to reveal the pink haired girl dangling from the back of his head.
"IS GNAWING ON THE BACK OF MY HEAD!"
A distant explosion sounded followed by the phrase, "There he is!"
Kakashi groaned as he heard those damn swords slicing through something and the top three floors of the tower slid away at a diagonal.
He paused, Sarutobi was laughing at him.
The next thing he realized was that the Hokage had punted him away from the ruined tower and back towards the training ground he'd started at.
xXx
Sasuke as Sousuke Sagara, Naruto as Cloud Strife, and Sakura as Yachiru. I seriously pity the world.
"How was your team?"
The question seemed so innocent, and if he'd had any other team it wouldn't make him want to strangle the old man.
"Sasuke Uchiha..."
His memory flashed back to when he told the trio that they would have to use lethal force. He certainly want expecting the boy to start changing the load of the tonnage of firearms he'd had on his person.
The next memory was dodging a blast only to have a tree collapse ontop of him that he barely got out of by tunneling underground.
"...dangerously destructive."
"And the others?"
"Naruto Uzumaki..."
The blond boy had hair that must have weighed at least a half-ton with the hair jell required for those spikes. Then there was the fact that he had glowing eyes and carried six different sword larger than most he'd ever seen.
Not to mention that they locked togather like some knife fetishists jisaw puzzle into one larger than the brat was.
"...unorthodox to say the least."
"And Sakura Haruno..."
He paused for a breath of air and turned to reveal the pink haired girl dangling from the back of his head.
"IS GNAWING ON THE BACK OF MY HEAD!"
A distant explosion sounded followed by the phrase, "There he is!"
Kakashi groaned as he heard those damn swords slicing through something and the top three floors of the tower slid away at a diagonal.
He paused, Sarutobi was laughing at him.
The next thing he realized was that the Hokage had punted him away from the ruined tower and back towards the training ground he'd started at.
xXx
Sasuke as Sousuke Sagara, Naruto as Cloud Strife, and Sakura as Yachiru. I seriously pity the world.
Cloud Strife - Final Fantasy 7
Yachiru - Bleach
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foesjoe unleashed this as part of one of his mighty techniques!
foesjoe said:
Take this! Spam-fic no Jutsu!
Kakashi looked at the sun to estimate the time of day and decided that he was sufficiently late for his grand entrance. Forming a handseal, he disappeared in a swirl of leaves.
He reappeared with another swirl of leaves on Training Ground 7 where his three new students were already waiting for him.
ôHello, I am Kakashi, your new instructor,ö he said, making sure to look as bored as possible, which wasn't very hard to accomplish, considering that they could only see his left eye.
ôOh, wow!ö Naruto said, his eyes big and shiny. ôWe're gonna be real ninja! Isn't that great Sasuke?ö
Sasuke crossed his arms in front of his chest and grunted. ôNo! It's not! I hate you and I don't want to be in the same team as you!ö
ôOh, don't be that way, Sasuke!ö Naruto said. ôIt's going to be really great, I just know it! We're going to learn all kind of awesome things, don't you find that exciting?ö
ôYeah, Naurto's right, Sasuke!ö Sakura chimed in. ôYou don't have any reason to be so grumpy. Where I come from, in Texas, our motto is to take the bull by the horns and always do our best!ö
Sasuke didn't let his two companions' enthusiasm impress him. ôYou two are morons and have no real appreciation for the ninja arts! Unlike me.ö
ôAll right, that's enough,ö Kakashi put an end to their squabbling. ôSince we're a newly formed team, I think the best way to start is to tell each other about ourselves. Naruto, you start.ö
Naruto saluted sharply. ôAye, aye, Sir!ö Then he broke down into giggles and was promptly joined by Sakura, while Sasuke only groaned again. ôI'm sorry, I've always wanted to say that,ö Naruto said with a wide grin. ôI'm Naruto Uzumaki, I'm twelve years old and I'm the best burger flipper in all of Konoha!ö
Kakashi blinked once, and when he opened his eye again, Naruto was standing in front of a barbecue grill and flipping burgers with a spatula. ôOoookay,ö Kakashi said. ôAt least we won't have to fear going hungry. What about you Sakura?ö
ôI am Sakura Hurano. I'm twelve years old and I'm from Texas! Also, I know KaratE!ö She took out a pair of gloves and a helmet made of foamed rubber. ôHiiiya! Hiya! Take this!ö
Seeing his friend do this, Naruto stopped flipping burgers and started bouncing excitedly. ôOh! Oh! I know KaratE, too!ö He donned the same gloves and helmet and attacked his pink haired friend. ôToday is the day I will defeat you, Sakura!ö
The two started to fight each other and Kakashi could already feel the beginnings of the mother of all migraines. ôWhat about you,ö he asked Sasuke. ôWhat can you do?ö
ôI can play the clarinette.ö
Sasuke took out a clarinette and started playing the most god-awful music Kakashi had ever heard, and considering he had had to endure the fourth Hokage's singing whenever his old instructor had been drunk, that was saying a lot.
ôWhat did I do to deserve this?ö
Kakashi looked at the sun to estimate the time of day and decided that he was sufficiently late for his grand entrance. Forming a handseal, he disappeared in a swirl of leaves.
He reappeared with another swirl of leaves on Training Ground 7 where his three new students were already waiting for him.
ôHello, I am Kakashi, your new instructor,ö he said, making sure to look as bored as possible, which wasn't very hard to accomplish, considering that they could only see his left eye.
ôOh, wow!ö Naruto said, his eyes big and shiny. ôWe're gonna be real ninja! Isn't that great Sasuke?ö
Sasuke crossed his arms in front of his chest and grunted. ôNo! It's not! I hate you and I don't want to be in the same team as you!ö
ôOh, don't be that way, Sasuke!ö Naruto said. ôIt's going to be really great, I just know it! We're going to learn all kind of awesome things, don't you find that exciting?ö
ôYeah, Naurto's right, Sasuke!ö Sakura chimed in. ôYou don't have any reason to be so grumpy. Where I come from, in Texas, our motto is to take the bull by the horns and always do our best!ö
Sasuke didn't let his two companions' enthusiasm impress him. ôYou two are morons and have no real appreciation for the ninja arts! Unlike me.ö
ôAll right, that's enough,ö Kakashi put an end to their squabbling. ôSince we're a newly formed team, I think the best way to start is to tell each other about ourselves. Naruto, you start.ö
Naruto saluted sharply. ôAye, aye, Sir!ö Then he broke down into giggles and was promptly joined by Sakura, while Sasuke only groaned again. ôI'm sorry, I've always wanted to say that,ö Naruto said with a wide grin. ôI'm Naruto Uzumaki, I'm twelve years old and I'm the best burger flipper in all of Konoha!ö
Kakashi blinked once, and when he opened his eye again, Naruto was standing in front of a barbecue grill and flipping burgers with a spatula. ôOoookay,ö Kakashi said. ôAt least we won't have to fear going hungry. What about you Sakura?ö
ôI am Sakura Hurano. I'm twelve years old and I'm from Texas! Also, I know KaratE!ö She took out a pair of gloves and a helmet made of foamed rubber. ôHiiiya! Hiya! Take this!ö
Seeing his friend do this, Naruto stopped flipping burgers and started bouncing excitedly. ôOh! Oh! I know KaratE, too!ö He donned the same gloves and helmet and attacked his pink haired friend. ôToday is the day I will defeat you, Sakura!ö
The two started to fight each other and Kakashi could already feel the beginnings of the mother of all migraines. ôWhat about you,ö he asked Sasuke. ôWhat can you do?ö
ôI can play the clarinette.ö
Sasuke took out a clarinette and started playing the most god-awful music Kakashi had ever heard, and considering he had had to endure the fourth Hokage's singing whenever his old instructor had been drunk, that was saying a lot.
ôWhat did I do to deserve this?ö
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Fitzgerald decided to make an unusual yet very effective combination.
fitzgerald said:
"Next Team Seven," Iruka said in a crisp, clear tone. "Hanuro Sakura, Uzumaki Naruto,"
"YAY!" Naruto roared out in pleasure as he got placed on the same team as the cute girl he was interested in.
Sakura in contrast groaned in dismay at being placed with the annoying kid.
"and Uchiha Sasuke." Iruka continued on ignoring the interruptions.
"Shannaro!" Sakura cried out in jubilation, while Naruto copied her previous groan of dismay.
"Your Jounin Sensei is still out an a mission, however instructions have been left behind for Team Seven. Come see me after all the teams have been announced," Iruka added quickly, managing to cut off Naruto's questioning of why he was on a team with Sasuke.
After all what difference could one night make.
.oOo.
Kakashi didn't grimace as he viewed his latest Genin Team from a good distance.
Ninja were trained to not reveal their emotions after all.
Kakashi didn't curse either.
No matter how much he wanted too.
Sasuke the so called Uchiha Prodigy, and the last Uchiha in Konoha was currently lounging against a tree trunk drinking straight from a large bottle.
Sasuke who was currently not wearing any symbols of the Uchiha but rather practical workmen clothing, heavy leather boots, a frilly shirt and a tri cornered rather beaten down hat.
Off to his right side was an unusual sword in a scabbard and a brace of single shot pistols.
Unusual that, guns were loud, noisy, rather unreliable and slow to fire. All reasons Ninja didn't bother with them, well that and gunpowder just wasn't meant for the rigors of the ninja trade.
"Yoh Ho! Yoh Ho!" Sasuke sang in a slightly slurred tone. "Yoh Ho! And a Bottle of Rum!"
"Would you stop singing please," Sakura asked in an irritated tone, not looking up from the tablet in front of her.
Kakashi couldn't hold back a sigh. Yet another kunoichi who was more concerned with looks than being an effective ninja. At least she wasn't focused on boys, instead clearly focusing on the work before her.
Iruka's briefing had covered the fact that she was, well, a bit of geek. If this team passed.
Kakashi grinned slightly at the odds of that happening.
Well a kunoichi with a focus on the more mentally intensive arts could go far in Intelligence. Especially if she proved proficient at code making and breaking. Even if she didn't pan out on the physical end.
Though what was up with the gleaming bracers on either forearm and that square device resting on it.
A tool of some sort. Perhaps a retractable swing line or maybe a mechanical shuriken holster designed to bring new shurikens up automatically.
Turning his cyclopian gaze to Uzumaki, Kakashi disregarded all his prior assumptions.
When and how the boy had learned to use the sword currently slung over his shoulder along with a heavy looking shield, Kakashi didn't know.
The small cues and tells were there though. Naruto was well practiced and used to using his weapons in combat, indeed in having them on him at all times.
The biggest was that the blond was comfortable with them, there was no fidgeting, small adjustments, or even the subconscious fiddling one did with a new weapon.
At least Uzumaki was still wearing orange.
Not the prison jumpsuit the kid regularly wore, but a subtle and mellow orange long sleeved tunic and pant combo atop leather boots.
Armored clothing at that. Even if it wasn't blatantly plated with armor, Kakashi recognized the fabrics re-enforced nature.
ANBU gear was designed similarly after all.
Leather swords man gloves covered his hands and wrists, and a stout brown belt was cinched tight around Naruto's waist.
Several pouches lined the belt, and Kakashi noted with a single flicker of his eye so did kunai and shuriken holsters.
Time to make an appearance, Kakashi thought as his hands and chakra instinctively activated Shunshin.
.oOo. .oOo. .oOo.
Staggering upright, indeed practically swaying Sasuke eyed his Jounin Sensei as he secured his saber and pistols.
"Right," Sasuke drawled out as he eyed Kakashi, placing his head at a slight tilt to his right.
"On this crew I now declare you Patch," Sasuke said with majestic dignity, drunken dignity but dignity none the less. "However no more hi-iate over the eye hmmm, we need to get you an eye patch. In red."
Nodding sagely Sasuke continued on, "Definitely in red."
"Ooo 'Kay" Kakashi drawled out, blinking his one in disbelief as Sasuke pranced back to the tree and carefully placed his hat next the bottle of booze.
You could see the vapors curling off the lip of the bottle.
"Sensei," Sakura stated in a firm but polite tone. "What's the nature of your secondary test. We're already running behind schedule here."
" ..... " Naruto spoke pointing to Sasuke who seemed to be having an arguement with his hat.
"Leaving me for the rum, how could you. After all we've been through together," Sasuke cried out aghast. "Well we both know who's not going to be coming along with me to the brothel tonight."
"Right," Kakashi called out. "The test is simple. All you have to do to pass is get a two bells off me before time's expired."
"Oh and there is only two bells so one of you will be all tied up. So feel free to come after me with lethal intent," Kakashi concluded his standard Genin cell test speech. The test that no one had ever passed before.
"Reboot!" Sakura called out after double tapping something on her chest. A quick wave of light rolled over her replacing her red dress with a black jumpsuit of some heavy material.
"Capacitor, Capture Beam!" Sakura called out as the device on her armed chirped and shifted before firing off a beam.
Kakashi barely avoided the beam with a quick Kawarimi when Naruto flung a glowing kunai at him.
A kunai that burst into a pillar of ice when it struck the ground near his feet.
"Patch have at thee! I need a drink and my rums all gone," Sasuke declared sadly with his fully matured sharingan swirling in both eyes, brandishing his saber in what seemed to be a somewhat erratic manner.
.oOo.
'Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun DA!' rose musically in triumph and volume as Naruto held the two bells above his head, floating slightly above his outstretched hands.
Kakashi stopped struggling against the energy bonds currently securing him to one of the posts.
Sakura's device, 'Capacitor' was one hell of a chakra artifact. Keytool she had called it.
Not to mention devilishly difficult to avoid after being herded into place by a brace of explosives from Naruto and a rather nasty fire jutsu from Sasuke.
"Right Team Seven you've officially passed. Welcome aboard," Kakashi said calmly. "Congratulations on figuring out the essential nature of teamwork for Ninja."
"Teamwork as expected proved the most efficient method in resolving this challenge," Sakura said with pride, a large smile on her face. "Let's go get some food to celebrate our success as a team."
"Plus booze," Sasuke added as he brushed off his hat and placed it on his head. "Can't forget the booze."
" ...... " Naruto said calmly, oddly enough all present understood that he wanted ramen. More specifically Ichiraku Ramen.
"Oh all right. But we will be going to other food stands occasionally," Sakura stated firmly as she guided Sasuke back onto the path after a short stumble.
Kakashi watched his Genin leave him behind as the trio moved back into Konoha's more commercial districts.
"Leaving me tied up," Kakashi muttered. "Wait until Gai hears about this. I really am out of shape if they managed to beat me."
"Hey Listen!" an annoyingly squeaky voice proclaimed.
Kakashi raised his one eyebrow in inquiry. It wasn't every day you saw a fairy.
Especially a fairy that if she was human sized would be called excessively endowed and currently wearing a green yukita that Jiraiya would call 'painted on with an artists caress', or 'barely hanging on to her shoulders, the yukita seemed moments away from exposing her exquisite natural form.'
"Fuck," the fairy cursed in a much smoother, smoke filled tone that oozed sex. "I hate sounding like my cousin. Navi's voice is enough to drive anyone to murder."
"Now tall, gray and masked," the fairy continued on her sultry tone as she gave Kakashi a close up of her clevage.
Kakashi's single open eye stared down at the free show the green haired, pixie cut, ivory skinned and green eyed fairy was giving him.
"I'm looking for my Naru-chan, you wouldn't be able to help direct me to him would you," the fairy continued on in a breathless tone.
"Chirp. Chirp. Beep. Hmnnnn," Capacitor replied in what was obviously a friendly tone from Kakashi's chest.
"Thanks a bunch hun," the fairy called out. "Call me Impa. Later."
With that Impa speed off down the path.
"So any chance I'll be let go?" Kakashi hazarded an inquiry to Sakura's Keytool.
Red numbers suddenly appeared in the air, counting down from five minutes.
.oOo. .oOo. .oOo. .oOo. .oOo. .oOo. .oOo.
Hopefully the references were clear enough.
Sasuke as Jack Sparrow, or at least a Sasuke who imprinted and copied Jack heavily with the Sharingan.
Sakura as Dot Matrix, Guardian style from Reboot.
Naruto as Link from Legend of Zelda, this time with a much less annoying fairy.
"YAY!" Naruto roared out in pleasure as he got placed on the same team as the cute girl he was interested in.
Sakura in contrast groaned in dismay at being placed with the annoying kid.
"and Uchiha Sasuke." Iruka continued on ignoring the interruptions.
"Shannaro!" Sakura cried out in jubilation, while Naruto copied her previous groan of dismay.
"Your Jounin Sensei is still out an a mission, however instructions have been left behind for Team Seven. Come see me after all the teams have been announced," Iruka added quickly, managing to cut off Naruto's questioning of why he was on a team with Sasuke.
After all what difference could one night make.
.oOo.
Kakashi didn't grimace as he viewed his latest Genin Team from a good distance.
Ninja were trained to not reveal their emotions after all.
Kakashi didn't curse either.
No matter how much he wanted too.
Sasuke the so called Uchiha Prodigy, and the last Uchiha in Konoha was currently lounging against a tree trunk drinking straight from a large bottle.
Sasuke who was currently not wearing any symbols of the Uchiha but rather practical workmen clothing, heavy leather boots, a frilly shirt and a tri cornered rather beaten down hat.
Off to his right side was an unusual sword in a scabbard and a brace of single shot pistols.
Unusual that, guns were loud, noisy, rather unreliable and slow to fire. All reasons Ninja didn't bother with them, well that and gunpowder just wasn't meant for the rigors of the ninja trade.
"Yoh Ho! Yoh Ho!" Sasuke sang in a slightly slurred tone. "Yoh Ho! And a Bottle of Rum!"
"Would you stop singing please," Sakura asked in an irritated tone, not looking up from the tablet in front of her.
Kakashi couldn't hold back a sigh. Yet another kunoichi who was more concerned with looks than being an effective ninja. At least she wasn't focused on boys, instead clearly focusing on the work before her.
Iruka's briefing had covered the fact that she was, well, a bit of geek. If this team passed.
Kakashi grinned slightly at the odds of that happening.
Well a kunoichi with a focus on the more mentally intensive arts could go far in Intelligence. Especially if she proved proficient at code making and breaking. Even if she didn't pan out on the physical end.
Though what was up with the gleaming bracers on either forearm and that square device resting on it.
A tool of some sort. Perhaps a retractable swing line or maybe a mechanical shuriken holster designed to bring new shurikens up automatically.
Turning his cyclopian gaze to Uzumaki, Kakashi disregarded all his prior assumptions.
When and how the boy had learned to use the sword currently slung over his shoulder along with a heavy looking shield, Kakashi didn't know.
The small cues and tells were there though. Naruto was well practiced and used to using his weapons in combat, indeed in having them on him at all times.
The biggest was that the blond was comfortable with them, there was no fidgeting, small adjustments, or even the subconscious fiddling one did with a new weapon.
At least Uzumaki was still wearing orange.
Not the prison jumpsuit the kid regularly wore, but a subtle and mellow orange long sleeved tunic and pant combo atop leather boots.
Armored clothing at that. Even if it wasn't blatantly plated with armor, Kakashi recognized the fabrics re-enforced nature.
ANBU gear was designed similarly after all.
Leather swords man gloves covered his hands and wrists, and a stout brown belt was cinched tight around Naruto's waist.
Several pouches lined the belt, and Kakashi noted with a single flicker of his eye so did kunai and shuriken holsters.
Time to make an appearance, Kakashi thought as his hands and chakra instinctively activated Shunshin.
.oOo. .oOo. .oOo.
Staggering upright, indeed practically swaying Sasuke eyed his Jounin Sensei as he secured his saber and pistols.
"Right," Sasuke drawled out as he eyed Kakashi, placing his head at a slight tilt to his right.
"On this crew I now declare you Patch," Sasuke said with majestic dignity, drunken dignity but dignity none the less. "However no more hi-iate over the eye hmmm, we need to get you an eye patch. In red."
Nodding sagely Sasuke continued on, "Definitely in red."
"Ooo 'Kay" Kakashi drawled out, blinking his one in disbelief as Sasuke pranced back to the tree and carefully placed his hat next the bottle of booze.
You could see the vapors curling off the lip of the bottle.
"Sensei," Sakura stated in a firm but polite tone. "What's the nature of your secondary test. We're already running behind schedule here."
" ..... " Naruto spoke pointing to Sasuke who seemed to be having an arguement with his hat.
"Leaving me for the rum, how could you. After all we've been through together," Sasuke cried out aghast. "Well we both know who's not going to be coming along with me to the brothel tonight."
"Right," Kakashi called out. "The test is simple. All you have to do to pass is get a two bells off me before time's expired."
"Oh and there is only two bells so one of you will be all tied up. So feel free to come after me with lethal intent," Kakashi concluded his standard Genin cell test speech. The test that no one had ever passed before.
"Reboot!" Sakura called out after double tapping something on her chest. A quick wave of light rolled over her replacing her red dress with a black jumpsuit of some heavy material.
"Capacitor, Capture Beam!" Sakura called out as the device on her armed chirped and shifted before firing off a beam.
Kakashi barely avoided the beam with a quick Kawarimi when Naruto flung a glowing kunai at him.
A kunai that burst into a pillar of ice when it struck the ground near his feet.
"Patch have at thee! I need a drink and my rums all gone," Sasuke declared sadly with his fully matured sharingan swirling in both eyes, brandishing his saber in what seemed to be a somewhat erratic manner.
.oOo.
'Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun DA!' rose musically in triumph and volume as Naruto held the two bells above his head, floating slightly above his outstretched hands.
Kakashi stopped struggling against the energy bonds currently securing him to one of the posts.
Sakura's device, 'Capacitor' was one hell of a chakra artifact. Keytool she had called it.
Not to mention devilishly difficult to avoid after being herded into place by a brace of explosives from Naruto and a rather nasty fire jutsu from Sasuke.
"Right Team Seven you've officially passed. Welcome aboard," Kakashi said calmly. "Congratulations on figuring out the essential nature of teamwork for Ninja."
"Teamwork as expected proved the most efficient method in resolving this challenge," Sakura said with pride, a large smile on her face. "Let's go get some food to celebrate our success as a team."
"Plus booze," Sasuke added as he brushed off his hat and placed it on his head. "Can't forget the booze."
" ...... " Naruto said calmly, oddly enough all present understood that he wanted ramen. More specifically Ichiraku Ramen.
"Oh all right. But we will be going to other food stands occasionally," Sakura stated firmly as she guided Sasuke back onto the path after a short stumble.
Kakashi watched his Genin leave him behind as the trio moved back into Konoha's more commercial districts.
"Leaving me tied up," Kakashi muttered. "Wait until Gai hears about this. I really am out of shape if they managed to beat me."
"Hey Listen!" an annoyingly squeaky voice proclaimed.
Kakashi raised his one eyebrow in inquiry. It wasn't every day you saw a fairy.
Especially a fairy that if she was human sized would be called excessively endowed and currently wearing a green yukita that Jiraiya would call 'painted on with an artists caress', or 'barely hanging on to her shoulders, the yukita seemed moments away from exposing her exquisite natural form.'
"Fuck," the fairy cursed in a much smoother, smoke filled tone that oozed sex. "I hate sounding like my cousin. Navi's voice is enough to drive anyone to murder."
"Now tall, gray and masked," the fairy continued on her sultry tone as she gave Kakashi a close up of her clevage.
Kakashi's single open eye stared down at the free show the green haired, pixie cut, ivory skinned and green eyed fairy was giving him.
"I'm looking for my Naru-chan, you wouldn't be able to help direct me to him would you," the fairy continued on in a breathless tone.
"Chirp. Chirp. Beep. Hmnnnn," Capacitor replied in what was obviously a friendly tone from Kakashi's chest.
"Thanks a bunch hun," the fairy called out. "Call me Impa. Later."
With that Impa speed off down the path.
"So any chance I'll be let go?" Kakashi hazarded an inquiry to Sakura's Keytool.
Red numbers suddenly appeared in the air, counting down from five minutes.
.oOo. .oOo. .oOo. .oOo. .oOo. .oOo. .oOo.
Hopefully the references were clear enough.
Sasuke as Jack Sparrow, or at least a Sasuke who imprinted and copied Jack heavily with the Sharingan.
Sakura as Dot Matrix, Guardian style from Reboot.
Naruto as Link from Legend of Zelda, this time with a much less annoying fairy.
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Luthorne submitted a second entry. I have to say that this one, IMO, is slightly more funny than the last.
Luthorne said:
Kakashi...gaped. There was...this...what?
Okay. There was...Sakura. Who appeared to be wearing some sort of bizarre, orange, red, and yellow full-body armor that hid her gender quite nicely. Only the fact that she currently had that strange helmet with the green visor tucked under her armor let him even match her with her picture. Where she'd managed to acquire something like that, he had no idea...it looked like it was either new, or exceptionally well-maintained. He didn't really expect it would make a difference, even if he wasn't sure what that bizarre device on the end of her arm was.
Then, there was Sasuke, who seemed to be wearing some sort of civilian school uniform, a red armband, and...was that a gun at his side? Kakashi supposed that, if anyone, an Uchiha could track down the rare artifacts, but he wouldn't have expected him to bother; given the difficulty with finding ammunition, guns were mostly obsolete; a ninja with proper training could do much the same with a kunai, or even senbon, without having to worry about the noise. He looked relaxed in some indefinable way, somehow, with an emotionless expression on his face, and his hair hanging down across his left eye.
Finally...there was Naruto. Who, for some reason, was wearing bright orange overalls, a bright orange floppy hat with the letter 'N' centered above the bill, and a pair of dirty brown boots. He looked like he was fresh from the sewers, for crying out loud! Overall, not a promising bunch.
"...so, if you want to succeed, come at me with intent to kill."
He watched as Sakura put on her helmet, Naruto leaping an improbable distance backwards into the bushes, pulling off some sort of bizarre twist in midair, while Sasuke simply...ambled off with his hands in his pockets...ye gods, how did he manage to get first in the class? Kakashi felt a moment of sympathy for his fellow teachers, if they were having to deal with worse than this. It might have been a longer moment, but suddenly some sort of projectile burst from the device on the end of Sakura's arm. Swapping places with a nearby log, Kakashi's blood chilled as he watched the log get covered in ice.
'What the hell? Does she have some sort of bloodline?' Kakashi wondered as he faded back into the foilage, cursing to himself as a series of energy balls began destroying everything around him. Suddenly, he found himself face-to-face with Sasuke, whose eyes seemed to be glowing an eerie...blue? He was dealing with the last Uchiha, wasn't he? Sasuke slowly raised the gun to his head, and before Kakashi could recover from his shock, pulled the trigger, whispering something to himself.
'No, dammit! Why didn't anyone warn me I had to deal with a suicidal student?' Before he could mourn further, however, he had to deal with some sort of black entity that began to attack him with a sword in a vicious frenzy, with Sasuke, still very much alive, his eyes glimmering malevolently at Kakashi. Backing off, he began to prepare to get out of there so he could figure out what was going on, when another series of exploding projectiles soared out of the woods at him. Dodging to the side, he found himself unable to react when Naruto, now wearing a cape, plummeted down from the heavens on top of him, bodyslamming him to the ground painfully. "Itsa me! Narutio!" As Naruto consumed some sort of...mushroom? he began growing to about four time his normal size, pinning Kakashi to the ground in an efficient manner.
As Sasuke and Sakura began to collect their bells from his prone form, Naruto grinning all the while, Kakashi whimpered.
-----
Sakura: Samus Aran
Sasuke: Protagonist from Persona 3
Naruto: Mario
Okay. There was...Sakura. Who appeared to be wearing some sort of bizarre, orange, red, and yellow full-body armor that hid her gender quite nicely. Only the fact that she currently had that strange helmet with the green visor tucked under her armor let him even match her with her picture. Where she'd managed to acquire something like that, he had no idea...it looked like it was either new, or exceptionally well-maintained. He didn't really expect it would make a difference, even if he wasn't sure what that bizarre device on the end of her arm was.
Then, there was Sasuke, who seemed to be wearing some sort of civilian school uniform, a red armband, and...was that a gun at his side? Kakashi supposed that, if anyone, an Uchiha could track down the rare artifacts, but he wouldn't have expected him to bother; given the difficulty with finding ammunition, guns were mostly obsolete; a ninja with proper training could do much the same with a kunai, or even senbon, without having to worry about the noise. He looked relaxed in some indefinable way, somehow, with an emotionless expression on his face, and his hair hanging down across his left eye.
Finally...there was Naruto. Who, for some reason, was wearing bright orange overalls, a bright orange floppy hat with the letter 'N' centered above the bill, and a pair of dirty brown boots. He looked like he was fresh from the sewers, for crying out loud! Overall, not a promising bunch.
"...so, if you want to succeed, come at me with intent to kill."
He watched as Sakura put on her helmet, Naruto leaping an improbable distance backwards into the bushes, pulling off some sort of bizarre twist in midair, while Sasuke simply...ambled off with his hands in his pockets...ye gods, how did he manage to get first in the class? Kakashi felt a moment of sympathy for his fellow teachers, if they were having to deal with worse than this. It might have been a longer moment, but suddenly some sort of projectile burst from the device on the end of Sakura's arm. Swapping places with a nearby log, Kakashi's blood chilled as he watched the log get covered in ice.
'What the hell? Does she have some sort of bloodline?' Kakashi wondered as he faded back into the foilage, cursing to himself as a series of energy balls began destroying everything around him. Suddenly, he found himself face-to-face with Sasuke, whose eyes seemed to be glowing an eerie...blue? He was dealing with the last Uchiha, wasn't he? Sasuke slowly raised the gun to his head, and before Kakashi could recover from his shock, pulled the trigger, whispering something to himself.
'No, dammit! Why didn't anyone warn me I had to deal with a suicidal student?' Before he could mourn further, however, he had to deal with some sort of black entity that began to attack him with a sword in a vicious frenzy, with Sasuke, still very much alive, his eyes glimmering malevolently at Kakashi. Backing off, he began to prepare to get out of there so he could figure out what was going on, when another series of exploding projectiles soared out of the woods at him. Dodging to the side, he found himself unable to react when Naruto, now wearing a cape, plummeted down from the heavens on top of him, bodyslamming him to the ground painfully. "Itsa me! Narutio!" As Naruto consumed some sort of...mushroom? he began growing to about four time his normal size, pinning Kakashi to the ground in an efficient manner.
As Sasuke and Sakura began to collect their bells from his prone form, Naruto grinning all the while, Kakashi whimpered.
-----
Sakura: Samus Aran
Sasuke: Protagonist from Persona 3
Naruto: Mario
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Kerrus submitted this, then yelled, "TAKE THAT!"
Kerrus said:
Kakashi was, as far as ninja went, not a happy ninja. His family? dead. His mentor? dead. His team? dead. So it was somewhat understandable that he spent all his time reading porn and otherwise being lazy.
And today was just another day in the cycle. Oh, sure, Sarutobi had wrangled him into taking on a genin team, and oh sure, things were supposed to go well... But Kakashi couldn't help but feel a sense of impending doom.
As he arrived at the training area, he spotted his three charges. And... He checked the dossier he had slipped inside his copy of Icha Icha. Then crumpled it up and tossed it out, as it was obviously wrong. For leaning against a tree clad in some of the most ridiculous garb Kakashi had seen, was Sakura Haruno.
Pink hair notwithstanding, she was clad as a shinobi should be, full cover facemask, dark clothes, and otherwise nothing extraneous. Obviously she had changed from the apparent girly girl who was more concerned with looks then with survival. But this was not what bothered Kakashi, rather it was the multicoloured facemask... and the doctor's labcoat and stethescope that she wore.
As he strode into the clearing, she looked up from whatever she had been reading, crossed her arms, and said nothing.
"Yo," Kakashi said, waving his hand in a mockery of a salute.
"Oh, you're here... finally," snorted Naruto as he entered the clearing. Covered in cuts and scrapes, he looked like he had just gone through several rounds with a cheese grader. But in any case, it appeared the dossier had been wrong about Naruto as well. While it had mentioned that he was a trouble maker, it had also detailed his extensive use of the colour orange. A colour Kakashi found nowhere on his person. Instead, Naruto was clothed in red... mostly. Though around his waist was an odd looking beltbuckle.
Not that Kakashi put much thought in it, as he was searching for the third member of his team.
"Haruno, where's Sasuke?" Kakashi asked, hoping the fangirl would pay enough attention to tell him. She just looked up, shrugged, then looked back at her book.
"Probably off fighting zombies or something," she said. Kakashi's eye twitched.
"Well if he's not here within the next minute, he's done being a Geni-" Kakashi cut off as the last Uchiha jumped down into the clearing from somewhere above. And then he did a double take as he appraised the boy. Gone were the clothes that showed any hint of the traditional Uchiha garb. Gone was the duck butt hair that featured prominently in the dossier. Instead, he was clothed in leather. Lots and lots of leather. Had Kakashi been a betting man, he might have bet that the last Uchiha were gay. Finally, instead of sitting on his forehead, his Hitaiate hung from a chain around his neck.
"Hn," he said under his breath. "Hair like this takes work."
And with those words he gestured to the coloured streaks and strange hair configuration, as locks of gold and red frambed his face. Kakashi sighed, and flipped on to the next page of his copy of Icha Icha.
"Well, as you might not know, you are not truly genin until you pass this test-"
************
And so it was that Kakashi found himself in an empty clearing, the three members of his team obviously off planning or doing something. Raising his Hitaiate, his Sharingan spotted a flash of movement, and he only just dodged a wave attack of some sort of inverted light. Another sound, and some sort of red beam flew through the space he had just occupied.
Surprisingly, it would be Sakura who finally got the drop on him, hanging out from a tree and wrapping a garrote around his neck. Kakashi only just managed to kawamiri out of the way.
"Alright, what the hell was that?" he asked the empty air. And then he received a response. Sakura leaped down from her hiding place to a point in front of him.
"Sensei," she said slowly. She might have said more, but Naruto materialized in a flash of red light. Kakashi might have mistooken it for a Shushin except that his Sharingan detected no chakra at all. While Naruto tapped at his watch, Sasuke strode in, cape flying in the nonexistant wind, his hand on a cube shaped holster on his belt.
"You've clearly been trained outside of the standard academy fair, so why don't you just show me what you've got," Kakashi ordered. Naruto smirked at him and laughed, while Sasuke muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'trust in your heart'. Sakura nodded at him, and took a stance.
"KYUCHOSE NO JUTSU!" she yelled, slamming her fist into the ground. As the chakra cloud passed, she was revealed to be... riding a velociraptor. Kakashi did doubletake. "Alright Yoshi, time to go!"
As Kakashi dodged away, he spotted Naruto perform a flurry of seemingly pointless arm movements as he ripped his belt buckle off and held it in front of him.
"It's Morphing Time! TYRANNOSAURUS!" He yelled, and a gold flash emitted from the buckle. There was a sudden flash of red, and when it faded Naruto was clad in an outfit Mighto Gai would have been proud of. "POWER SWORD!"
As he yelled this, he pulled a large western style sword from... nowhere, and charging at Kakashi with skill beyond his years. He had put on some sort of growth spurt too. And then Kakashi spotted Sasuke, who had not moved from his initial position. Abruptly a ring of golden light appeared around Sasuke as a golden eye of some manner shimmered into existence on his forehead.
"IT'S TIME TO D-D-D-DUEL!" he yelled, as the light faded revealing a spikier hairdo, a growth spurt, and a deck of playing cards. Sasuke drew five cards, and revealed them, each one showing a golden appendage bound in rings of glowing chakra. "EXODIA OBLITERATE!"
As Kakashi only barely managed to dodge the massive ball of spellfire, he thought to himself that he really, really should have taken the day off.
$($($($($(($($($($($
I don't seem to be very good at the writing writing part of crackfickage, as everything tries to dive towards good good writing. But the references should be obvious enough.
Naruto - Jason - MMPR Red Ranger S1
Sasuke - Yugi Muto - King of Games (Yugioh)
Sakura - Dr. McNinja.
And today was just another day in the cycle. Oh, sure, Sarutobi had wrangled him into taking on a genin team, and oh sure, things were supposed to go well... But Kakashi couldn't help but feel a sense of impending doom.
As he arrived at the training area, he spotted his three charges. And... He checked the dossier he had slipped inside his copy of Icha Icha. Then crumpled it up and tossed it out, as it was obviously wrong. For leaning against a tree clad in some of the most ridiculous garb Kakashi had seen, was Sakura Haruno.
Pink hair notwithstanding, she was clad as a shinobi should be, full cover facemask, dark clothes, and otherwise nothing extraneous. Obviously she had changed from the apparent girly girl who was more concerned with looks then with survival. But this was not what bothered Kakashi, rather it was the multicoloured facemask... and the doctor's labcoat and stethescope that she wore.
As he strode into the clearing, she looked up from whatever she had been reading, crossed her arms, and said nothing.
"Yo," Kakashi said, waving his hand in a mockery of a salute.
"Oh, you're here... finally," snorted Naruto as he entered the clearing. Covered in cuts and scrapes, he looked like he had just gone through several rounds with a cheese grader. But in any case, it appeared the dossier had been wrong about Naruto as well. While it had mentioned that he was a trouble maker, it had also detailed his extensive use of the colour orange. A colour Kakashi found nowhere on his person. Instead, Naruto was clothed in red... mostly. Though around his waist was an odd looking beltbuckle.
Not that Kakashi put much thought in it, as he was searching for the third member of his team.
"Haruno, where's Sasuke?" Kakashi asked, hoping the fangirl would pay enough attention to tell him. She just looked up, shrugged, then looked back at her book.
"Probably off fighting zombies or something," she said. Kakashi's eye twitched.
"Well if he's not here within the next minute, he's done being a Geni-" Kakashi cut off as the last Uchiha jumped down into the clearing from somewhere above. And then he did a double take as he appraised the boy. Gone were the clothes that showed any hint of the traditional Uchiha garb. Gone was the duck butt hair that featured prominently in the dossier. Instead, he was clothed in leather. Lots and lots of leather. Had Kakashi been a betting man, he might have bet that the last Uchiha were gay. Finally, instead of sitting on his forehead, his Hitaiate hung from a chain around his neck.
"Hn," he said under his breath. "Hair like this takes work."
And with those words he gestured to the coloured streaks and strange hair configuration, as locks of gold and red frambed his face. Kakashi sighed, and flipped on to the next page of his copy of Icha Icha.
"Well, as you might not know, you are not truly genin until you pass this test-"
************
And so it was that Kakashi found himself in an empty clearing, the three members of his team obviously off planning or doing something. Raising his Hitaiate, his Sharingan spotted a flash of movement, and he only just dodged a wave attack of some sort of inverted light. Another sound, and some sort of red beam flew through the space he had just occupied.
Surprisingly, it would be Sakura who finally got the drop on him, hanging out from a tree and wrapping a garrote around his neck. Kakashi only just managed to kawamiri out of the way.
"Alright, what the hell was that?" he asked the empty air. And then he received a response. Sakura leaped down from her hiding place to a point in front of him.
"Sensei," she said slowly. She might have said more, but Naruto materialized in a flash of red light. Kakashi might have mistooken it for a Shushin except that his Sharingan detected no chakra at all. While Naruto tapped at his watch, Sasuke strode in, cape flying in the nonexistant wind, his hand on a cube shaped holster on his belt.
"You've clearly been trained outside of the standard academy fair, so why don't you just show me what you've got," Kakashi ordered. Naruto smirked at him and laughed, while Sasuke muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'trust in your heart'. Sakura nodded at him, and took a stance.
"KYUCHOSE NO JUTSU!" she yelled, slamming her fist into the ground. As the chakra cloud passed, she was revealed to be... riding a velociraptor. Kakashi did doubletake. "Alright Yoshi, time to go!"
As Kakashi dodged away, he spotted Naruto perform a flurry of seemingly pointless arm movements as he ripped his belt buckle off and held it in front of him.
"It's Morphing Time! TYRANNOSAURUS!" He yelled, and a gold flash emitted from the buckle. There was a sudden flash of red, and when it faded Naruto was clad in an outfit Mighto Gai would have been proud of. "POWER SWORD!"
As he yelled this, he pulled a large western style sword from... nowhere, and charging at Kakashi with skill beyond his years. He had put on some sort of growth spurt too. And then Kakashi spotted Sasuke, who had not moved from his initial position. Abruptly a ring of golden light appeared around Sasuke as a golden eye of some manner shimmered into existence on his forehead.
"IT'S TIME TO D-D-D-DUEL!" he yelled, as the light faded revealing a spikier hairdo, a growth spurt, and a deck of playing cards. Sasuke drew five cards, and revealed them, each one showing a golden appendage bound in rings of glowing chakra. "EXODIA OBLITERATE!"
As Kakashi only barely managed to dodge the massive ball of spellfire, he thought to himself that he really, really should have taken the day off.
$($($($($(($($($($($
I don't seem to be very good at the writing writing part of crackfickage, as everything tries to dive towards good good writing. But the references should be obvious enough.
Naruto - Jason - MMPR Red Ranger S1
Sasuke - Yugi Muto - King of Games (Yugioh)
Sakura - Dr. McNinja.
====================================
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akun50 decided we needed one more entry. I honestly don't know what the hell he was thinking.
akun50 said:
Kakashi Hatake arrived at the field and was surprised.á None of his students had arrived.
[Huh.á Talk about an unusual twist.] Kakashi thought to himself.
Though Obito Uchiha never knew it, Minato Namikaze and Rin had to wait a good while for both Kakashi AND Obito, but Kakashi made a point to learn a teleportation jutsu early on so he could always beat Obito the the meeting site and thus make fun of him for being late.
It was only after Obito died that Kakashi realized how big of an ass he was to keep doing that to his friend and teammate.
Still, it was bizarre for HIM to be EARLY, or at least before anyone else.á The yet-uncrowned "King of Tardy Arrivals" felt a bit awkward standing there, waiting for his students.
Slowly, they began to arrive, but it was apparent, even from this distance, that his team was made up of crack pots and weirdos.
The first to arrive was Naruto Uzumaki.á The blonde boy was grumbling something about "stupid plot points" and "stupid inventory limitatoins".á And occassionally, he'd straighten up while staring off into space, and his clothes would randomly change, or new clothing would appear, such as a mantle or a cape, his shoes had changed at least five times, he had an assortment of weapons appear and disappear from his hands, including a fair number that glowed almost maliciously.
And Kakashi could swear, he saw the boy just... appear back at the entrance to the training field twice.á When this happened, Naruto would start complaining about "buggy servers" or "f*cking antivirus software updates".
Sakura Haruno was the next to appear.á And boy, did her outfit bring stares from Kakashi.
Not because it was sexy, but because her profile had indicated she was a staunch city girl, yet she was clearly wearing a white long-sleeved shirt, blue overalls, thick brown work boots, and had a red bandanna over her hair; clothes normally worn by farm girls when they went out to work in the fields.
Sakura was smiling and alternated between fiddling with a blue feather and glancing at Naruto; hefting a massive golden hammer that had a head that seemed as big as her torso; and sharpening a golden scythe that seemed to.... well, if an inanimate object could, Kakashi would swear the scythe was leering at him.
Kakasih gulped and repressed a shudder.
When Sasuke finally showed up, he looked quite different from normal.á Sasuke wasn't wearing a shirt, revealing that he was awfully thin; nor was he wearing shoe, socks, or any other kind of footwear.á He WAS wearing pants, thankfully, but said pants were purple and tattered, they had a weird pattern sewn onto the right laeg and they looked like they'd been stolen from a corpse (were Kakashi knowledgeable of a place called "England", he'd recognize the Union Jack).á He also wore red spiked forearm guards.
Kakashi had no idea of what to make of the electric guitar strapped to Sasuke's back.
Kakashi made a Doro Bunshin of himself off to the side and swapped with it.á The mud clone wouldn't be quite as powerful as Kakashi himself, but he felt it would need the durability only offered in that select version of clone.á Plus, he had a feeling he REALLY wouldn't want the memories from a Kage Bunshin.
"Okay, listen up.á There are two bells here," Kakashi's Doro Bunshin began.
Naruto raised his hand and began moving his index finger up and down rapidly.á Kakashi stared at his mud clone seemed to be skipping over sections of the planned speech.
"All right, Team 7!á Begin!" the Doro Bunshin declared.
Sasuke transformed, shocking Kakashi further.á The last loyal Uchiha's skin turned a pale blue and the scelera of his eyes turned from white to black, but most shocking of all, his irises were already red with three tomoe spinning in each eye, indicating that he'd apparently awoken the Sharingan and mastered it in the span of one night.
Naruto began muttering in a language Kakashi didn't recognize, while Sakura dashed forward and tried to make the Kakashi clone into a Kakashi pancake with her massive hammer.á The Doro Bunshin managed to dodge, but Sasuke was behind him.á Four ribs extended from his chest and nearly impaled the mud clone, but he dodged out of the way of both Sasuke's ribs and the nasty scythe Sakura was now wielding.
"MAGIC MISSILE!" Naruto cried.
Four energy bolts flew from Naruto's hand to hit the clone, and each bolt left a painful looking mark, they didn't do much damage.
"Crap, guess I should've just specialized instead of multi-classing." Naruto muttered.
An instant later, Naruto was suddenly two feet taller, wearing platemail and carrying two nasty-looking morning stars, one of which looked like it was lightly covered in frost and the other seemed to spark with electricity.á Kakashi also idly noticed that his clone was no longer marked by the damage from the "magic missiles", but seemed just as confused by the sudden change in Naruto's appearance.
Naruto chugged two potions and charged forward at an unnatural speed, swinging the two nasty weapons fast enough that the Doro Bunshin was losing bits and pieces, despite the fact that it had its own Sharingan active.
Naruto eventually slowed and darted away at speeds people wearing heavy metal armor shouldn't be allowed to move at, mumbling something about how "short-lived those stupid potions were", leaving the Doro Bunshin to the "tender mercies" of his teammates.
Sakura, after three minutes of swinging her scythe with the intent to neuter her sensei's clone, managed to lop off the already weakened and damaged Doro Bunshin's left arm, but then she retreated as well.
The seemingly undead Sasuke seemed to have spent his entire time building up for something, and it showed, as he leapt into the air, his body spinning quickly to resemble a flag made out of that odd pattern sewn on one pant leg, and with spikes near the top.á Only his head didn't seem to rotate, and the Doro Bunshin quickly collapsed.
All Kakashi's Sharingan caught of the "attack" was that it seemed to suck out the chakra remaining in the clone.
"Ah... nice and tasty." Sasuke said with an accent that Kakashi couldn't place.
After all, he didn't know anything about a continent known as "Australia".
Kakashi began to worry about the future, and wondered if he should be more concerned for Konoha or anyone unfortunate enough to face his newest pupils.
[Huh.á Talk about an unusual twist.] Kakashi thought to himself.
Though Obito Uchiha never knew it, Minato Namikaze and Rin had to wait a good while for both Kakashi AND Obito, but Kakashi made a point to learn a teleportation jutsu early on so he could always beat Obito the the meeting site and thus make fun of him for being late.
It was only after Obito died that Kakashi realized how big of an ass he was to keep doing that to his friend and teammate.
Still, it was bizarre for HIM to be EARLY, or at least before anyone else.á The yet-uncrowned "King of Tardy Arrivals" felt a bit awkward standing there, waiting for his students.
Slowly, they began to arrive, but it was apparent, even from this distance, that his team was made up of crack pots and weirdos.
The first to arrive was Naruto Uzumaki.á The blonde boy was grumbling something about "stupid plot points" and "stupid inventory limitatoins".á And occassionally, he'd straighten up while staring off into space, and his clothes would randomly change, or new clothing would appear, such as a mantle or a cape, his shoes had changed at least five times, he had an assortment of weapons appear and disappear from his hands, including a fair number that glowed almost maliciously.
And Kakashi could swear, he saw the boy just... appear back at the entrance to the training field twice.á When this happened, Naruto would start complaining about "buggy servers" or "f*cking antivirus software updates".
Sakura Haruno was the next to appear.á And boy, did her outfit bring stares from Kakashi.
Not because it was sexy, but because her profile had indicated she was a staunch city girl, yet she was clearly wearing a white long-sleeved shirt, blue overalls, thick brown work boots, and had a red bandanna over her hair; clothes normally worn by farm girls when they went out to work in the fields.
Sakura was smiling and alternated between fiddling with a blue feather and glancing at Naruto; hefting a massive golden hammer that had a head that seemed as big as her torso; and sharpening a golden scythe that seemed to.... well, if an inanimate object could, Kakashi would swear the scythe was leering at him.
Kakasih gulped and repressed a shudder.
When Sasuke finally showed up, he looked quite different from normal.á Sasuke wasn't wearing a shirt, revealing that he was awfully thin; nor was he wearing shoe, socks, or any other kind of footwear.á He WAS wearing pants, thankfully, but said pants were purple and tattered, they had a weird pattern sewn onto the right laeg and they looked like they'd been stolen from a corpse (were Kakashi knowledgeable of a place called "England", he'd recognize the Union Jack).á He also wore red spiked forearm guards.
Kakashi had no idea of what to make of the electric guitar strapped to Sasuke's back.
Kakashi made a Doro Bunshin of himself off to the side and swapped with it.á The mud clone wouldn't be quite as powerful as Kakashi himself, but he felt it would need the durability only offered in that select version of clone.á Plus, he had a feeling he REALLY wouldn't want the memories from a Kage Bunshin.
"Okay, listen up.á There are two bells here," Kakashi's Doro Bunshin began.
Naruto raised his hand and began moving his index finger up and down rapidly.á Kakashi stared at his mud clone seemed to be skipping over sections of the planned speech.
"All right, Team 7!á Begin!" the Doro Bunshin declared.
Sasuke transformed, shocking Kakashi further.á The last loyal Uchiha's skin turned a pale blue and the scelera of his eyes turned from white to black, but most shocking of all, his irises were already red with three tomoe spinning in each eye, indicating that he'd apparently awoken the Sharingan and mastered it in the span of one night.
Naruto began muttering in a language Kakashi didn't recognize, while Sakura dashed forward and tried to make the Kakashi clone into a Kakashi pancake with her massive hammer.á The Doro Bunshin managed to dodge, but Sasuke was behind him.á Four ribs extended from his chest and nearly impaled the mud clone, but he dodged out of the way of both Sasuke's ribs and the nasty scythe Sakura was now wielding.
"MAGIC MISSILE!" Naruto cried.
Four energy bolts flew from Naruto's hand to hit the clone, and each bolt left a painful looking mark, they didn't do much damage.
"Crap, guess I should've just specialized instead of multi-classing." Naruto muttered.
An instant later, Naruto was suddenly two feet taller, wearing platemail and carrying two nasty-looking morning stars, one of which looked like it was lightly covered in frost and the other seemed to spark with electricity.á Kakashi also idly noticed that his clone was no longer marked by the damage from the "magic missiles", but seemed just as confused by the sudden change in Naruto's appearance.
Naruto chugged two potions and charged forward at an unnatural speed, swinging the two nasty weapons fast enough that the Doro Bunshin was losing bits and pieces, despite the fact that it had its own Sharingan active.
Naruto eventually slowed and darted away at speeds people wearing heavy metal armor shouldn't be allowed to move at, mumbling something about how "short-lived those stupid potions were", leaving the Doro Bunshin to the "tender mercies" of his teammates.
Sakura, after three minutes of swinging her scythe with the intent to neuter her sensei's clone, managed to lop off the already weakened and damaged Doro Bunshin's left arm, but then she retreated as well.
The seemingly undead Sasuke seemed to have spent his entire time building up for something, and it showed, as he leapt into the air, his body spinning quickly to resemble a flag made out of that odd pattern sewn on one pant leg, and with spikes near the top.á Only his head didn't seem to rotate, and the Doro Bunshin quickly collapsed.
All Kakashi's Sharingan caught of the "attack" was that it seemed to suck out the chakra remaining in the clone.
"Ah... nice and tasty." Sasuke said with an accent that Kakashi couldn't place.
After all, he didn't know anything about a continent known as "Australia".
Kakashi began to worry about the future, and wondered if he should be more concerned for Konoha or anyone unfortunate enough to face his newest pupils.
Sakura - Harvest Moon: the girl's version. The Blue Feather, for those who've never played, allow you to marry.
Sasuke - Zabel Zarock (aka. Lord Raptor in the US) from Darkstalkers.