Akamatsuverse Untitled Tsuruko/Keitaro Fic

SimmyC

Well-Known Member
#1
Here it is! My version of "What if Tsuruko's husband isn't dead, but instead, was a troubled marriage that caused Tsuruko to go into the arms of Keitaro?" While it was my idea first, our very own Hawker took up the idea before me while I was still trying to acquire the mangas (I gave him permission since I was still a ways off from making mine. And with it, he made/making the currently great story, "Ships in the Night"). His probably still superior than mine, but still, why should he be the only one with that idea of not convienantly killing off her husband? :)

Since this is a draft, expect grammar errors galore. Oh, and if characterization feels off or the dialogue sounds iffy, tell me! It is after all, in the draft phase. Changes are, and should be expected.

Streets of Tokyo outside Hospital

Keitaro sighed as he contemplated his situation. After years of trying to get into Tokyo University, the most unlike event had happened. Due to a leg injury during the Tokyo University Welcoming Ceremony, something that was nearly unheard of for the man who can somehow survive a punch into Low Earth Orbit, he couldnÆt attend any classes for three months. WhatÆs worse, he had finally caught up to Naru in the hopes of clearing a few things up with her. Like, the unresolved issue of his confession that he made to her in the hospital. Instead, he simply watched her off as she left on a trip to Kyoto, leaving that issue wide open and the gulf between him and Naru seemed to widen at that point. æItÆs like what Mutsumi said. My luck has really ran out, and my happiness along with it.Æ Keitaro, with the aid of his crutches, hobbled across the street after the light changed with Tama-chan flying closely behind him.

Tears were streaming down KeitaroÆs face. ôAh, I think she used her charm and refused me.ö He thought out loud as he tried to contemplate exactly where everything went wrong in his life. He thought all the bad luck would have ended once he got into Tokyo University. Instead, everything seemed to have gotten worse once he finally got in. Especially when it concerned Naru. Seeing that Tama-chan was the only companion he could talk to about this issue, he decided to ask Tama-chan about it as he walked, crutch assisted, down the street crossing. ôTama-chan, will I still have a chanceàö

ôMyuh!ö The little hot spring turtle sounded.

Slightly concerned, Keitaro eyed Tama-chan. ôTama-chan? WhatÆs up?ö

As he looked up however, he saw a woman dressed in a traditional kimono and wearing a traditional conical straw hat. In fact, the woman looked vaguely familiar.

ôHuh? IsnÆt that Motoko?ö Keitaro said out loud as the woman walked by. At the moment, that was the only woman he knew that wore traditional clothing like this. As he looked at the woman more closely, she seemed to be a bit older than Motoko. Still, he couldnÆt get the thought that she was similar to her in some way. Either way, there was one thing he had to admit. ôButàsheÆs so beautiful!ö

Tama-chanÆs eyes widened considerably as she saw something approaching. ôMyuh, Myuh, Myuh, Myuh, MYUH!!!!!ö The panic-stricken turtle sounded. He frantically pointed at the direction of the oncoming danger.

Keitaro, hearing Tama-chanÆs frantic æMyuhsÆ, had to see exactly what she got her so worked up. ôWhat is it now Tama-chan?ö Seeing Tama-chanÆs flipper, Keitaro peered up at the direction she was pointing to. ôHuh?ö KeitaroÆs eyes nearly bulged out as he saw what was coming.

An oncoming delivery truck, occupied by a driver, whose eyes drearily moved from side to side, his head was drifting from one side to the other as well, which was seemingly following the movements of the truck he was driving. A truck that was heading straight for him!

ôOh no! A drunk driver!ö Keitaro screamed in panic at the swerving truck in front of him. He was paralyzed in fear as the erratic drunk driver in front of him. Even if he was able to dive out of the way, something he could not easily do due to his bad leg, the drunk driver could swerve right into his path in the last second. His life was flashing before his eyes at that moment. Which he would later admit, was pretty pathetic life for the most part. Granted, it was an exciting pathetic life with sword battles, plenty of naked women, being stranded in the middle of the ocean, and even a miraculous ending with him finally getting into Todai. But still, pathetic considering he didnÆt get the girl in the end, a girl that still beats him up but still, the girl that he... ôIÆm dead! I canÆt get away from this!ö

Unbeknownst to Keitaro, in nearly an instant, the same woman dressed from earlier stood behind him. He was too preoccupied with his pending doom that he didnÆt hear the cling of a sword being removed from its sheath.

He also missed the swish accompanied by the massive delivery truck splitting in two as the sections traveled in opposite directions. He was only aware of the wind that that truck pieces made as it traveled by him. ôWaaaaaaaaaaa!!!ö After recovering from the massive shock he was in, realization finally dawned on him about that attack. ôIsnÆt this the Zan-Ma-Ken attack?ö The only reason why he would know this attack was due to the fact that a certain swordswoman always used itàagainst him. A massive sweat drop appeared on his face as he watched the stupefied driver stagger out of what was left of his truck. ôGood thing that driver isnÆt harmed.ö He said as his thoughts returned to the attack. æThat woman must have done it! Than that means that sheÆs definitelyàÆ

A yellow-feathered bird swooped in front of his face, seemingly coming out of nowhere.

ôWah!ö Keitaro nearly tripped backwards at the second surprise to hit him in just that last few minutes.

ôMister.ö Said woman spoke to him in a calm voice. This despite the awesome display of force that she had just given to the city just a few short seconds before. The bird from earlier lightly landed on her shoulder. She dropped her head and held her hat and she continued. ôI want to ask youàö

Keitaro turned to the woman who just saved his life. With the last of the shock dissipating from the initial incident, he nearly gasped at the vision of grace and beauty that he saw in front him. A graceful beauty that just so happened to be addressing him.

Seeing that she had received the strangerÆs attention, she continued what she wanted to say. ôDo you know Hinata SouàtheàinnÆs location? Can you tell me where it is?ö The woman smiled brightly at Keitaro as she spoke.

ôWhaàö Keitaro blinked in amazement. ôThe HinataàHinata Sou?ö æDid she come all the way to stay at the Hinata Sou?Æ As KeitaroÆs mind tried to process what was happening, a few things clicked in his mind. æThe fight style, the traditional clothing, she must be related to Motoko somehow.Æ As Keitaro was saying this, he noticed something amiss about the womanÆs smile though. It seemed, forced somehow. As if she was deeply troubled by something. Her eyes, when she had them open, also troubled him. They seem to be, sad in a way? æMaybe this is related to Motoko. I hope nothing bad happens to her.Æ

ôMister?ö The woman asked again as it seemed the man was occupied with something.

ôHuh?ö Keitaro said as he was snapped out of his thoughts. ôOh, oh yeah! I know where Hinata Sou is! Hehehe!ö Keitaro cautiously scratched the back of his head with one hand, still rattled by the recent near death experience.

ôI see.ö The woman nodded as she examined the man in front of her with curiosity. ôDo you mind telling me where it is?ö

ôUm, actually IÆm going there myself!ö Keitaro shakily smiled back at the older woman.

ôOh?ö The woman cocked her head and looked at Keitaro curiously. ôFrom what I can gather, the Hinata Sou had been turned into an all female dormitory. Why would you be going to it?ö A slight mischievous grin appeared on her face. ôYou have a girlfriend there?ö

ôYes! I meanàno! I meanàö Keitaro shakily bowed his head. ôIÆmàthe manager of the place.ö

ôManager?ö The woman again, looked at him oddly. ôBut like I said, itÆs now an all female dormitory. Why would it have a male manager?ö

ôItÆs a long story.ö Keitaro said as he leaned on his crutches. ôA very long story.ö He sighed nearly melancholically as he thought back to the time when he had first came to the Hinata Sou.

ôI see.ö The woman gave a little smirk as the bird on her shoulder flapped its wings a bit as it tried to maintain its balance. ôHo Ho Ho! I take it my sister took an issue to the idea of a male manager huh?ö

ôSister?ö Keitaro blinked again as realization dawned on him. ôOh, you mean Motoko? So youÆre MotokoÆs sister.ö

ôOh IÆm sorry. I havenÆt properly introduced myself?ö The woman smiled as she lifted her conical stray hat to meet his eyes. ôMy name is Tsuruko Aoyama. And yes, the resident you know as Motoko Aoyama is my younger sister.ö

ôI see.ö Keitaro nodded, and then proceeded to introduce himself to her. ôAnd IÆm Keitaro Urashima! Manager of the Hinata Sou!ö Keitaro said with a bit of trepidation in his voice. While it appeared that she was nothing like Motoko, since he wasnÆt in LEO at the moment, he still had to be careful of what he would say for who knows what she was capable of.

ôNow that we have introduced ourselves, shall we head to the Hinata Sou nowàManager-san? You donÆt mind if I call you that do you?ö

ôHuh oh nonono!ö Keitaro was frantically waving his arms in front of him. ôYou can call me whatever you want! Um, anywaysàthe Hinata Sou is this way.ö Keitaro said as he pointed in one direction with one his crutch. ôItÆs a few kilometers from here so I suggest taking the numberàö

Tsuruko quickly interrupted Keitaro. ôArenÆt you going there anyways? I can just follow you there.ö

ôUm, yeah.ö Kietaro nodded. ôBut um, you see, with this leg and allàö

ôDo not concern yourself about that for I am in no hurry.ö Tsuruko reassured.

ôUm, okay.ö Keitaro nodded quickly. ôI guess we should be going!ö Keitaro said as he headed towards the Hinata Sou, with Tsuruko in tow. ôOh yeah, and thanks for saving me! I really thought I was a goner back there!ö

ôThink nothing of it.ö Tsuruko cheerfully said, almost dismissing her own actions. ôYou were in need of help and I was there to provide it.ö

ôBut still, if it wasnÆt for you, IÆd be a goner! Hehehe.ö Keitaro chuckled a bit as he tried to calm down his nerves. Reason, well obviously due to the near accident that nearly caught into, and the fact that he was now walking with MotokoÆs sister, woman known to send him into crashing into walls certainly didnÆt help his stress level. And if he said anything bad about Motoko, he was certain that she would try out her new techniques on him. Seeing that Tsuruko was not going to respond to that, he decided to change the subject. ôSo Aoyama-san, what brings you to the Hinata Sou? Are you here to help Motoko train?ö

ôNot quite. But I do have some, business to attend to with her.ö Tsuruko responded very carefully.

ôI see.ö Keitaro replied. ôWell, IÆm sure she will be happy to see you!ö

ôIÆm sure of that. ItÆs been a while since I have last seen her.ö Tsuruko replied coolly.

ôYeah!ö Keitaro said with a nervous smile on his face.

After few moments of silence since Keitaro couldnÆt think of anything else to say to the older Kendo woman, Tsuruko decided to strike up the conversation this time.

ôSo Manager-san, do you have a girlfriend there?ö Tsuruko asked point blank. ôYou werenÆt quite clear about that earlier.ö

ôWHA?!ö Keitaro blinked in amazement.

ôI mean you do live in an all girls dormitory.ö Tsuruko whimsically continued as a mischievous smile appeared on her face. ôIÆm sure youÆve been attracted to at least one of them, am I right?ö

ôWell, uhàö Keitaro looked around nervously. æWhy is she asking this? IsnÆt she married?Æ Keitaro thought as he quickly shook his head in dismay. æWhat am I thinking? Of course, her sister lives there too! I mean sheÆs attracted and all but umà Maybe sheÆs just, curious. IÆll just give her a straight answer!Æ ôYes! I MEAN, um, NO! I meanàumàö Keitaro obviously failed in that respect.

Tsuruko raised an eyebrow as Keitaro continued to stutter out his answer. ôIs something the matter Manager-san?ö

ôItÆs kind of complicated!ö Keitaro finally evasively said. ôI mean, you know women. They are complicated and um, I mean of course you know since youÆre a woman and uhàö

ôWhat does that have to do with you having a girlfriend or not Manager-san?ö TsurukoÆs grin grew a bit wider. ôDoes it have to do with æwhoÆ your girlfriend is?ö

ôEh, nonono! ThatÆs not it at all!ö Keitaro stopped and frantically waved as best he could at Tsuruko while trying to hold on to his crutches. He of course, was thinking about Naru. Unfortunately, while he would like to say that she was his girlfriend, given the situation after his confession, this left his love life very much in doubt at this point. And lying to Tsuruko, MotokoÆs sister, over something like this just didnÆt seem right to him. ôItÆs just that, um, well, I justàdonÆt know if it umàö Keitaro scratched the back of his head as he racked his brain trying to figure out what the words he wanted to say. ôYou know about having a successful marriage and all right? So maybe you couldàö

ôI donÆt want to discuss that.ö Tsuruko curtly shot back.

Keitaro blinked in amazement. In nearly an instant, the playful attitude from Tsuruko completely disappeared and replaced with a cold stare. Keitaro gulped at TsurukoÆs response. ôOàokay.ö

Neither Keitaro nor Tsuruko said a word after that as they headed for the street car that would take them to the Hinata Sou. Only Tama-Chan and TsurukoÆs bird were making any sort of conversation during this time.

Hinata Sou

ôHereÆs some tea Aoyama-san.ö Shinobu placed the cup in front of Tsuruko and lightly bowed.

ôThank you little one.ö Tsuruko brightly smiled at the young girl. ôYouÆre such a sweet thing you know that! YouÆre going to make a fine wife to a well deserving husband IÆm sure of it!ö

Shinobu faced turned bright red at those words. For a split second, she imagined the ædeserving husbandÆ as Keitaro. ôThàthàthank you Aoyama-san!ö Shinobu then quickly darted out the room before anyone could notice.

ôSo, are you planning on staying for a while?ö Haruka, who was sitting across from Tsuruko, asked nonchalantly. Her cigarette was hanging from her mouth. ôWe have plenty of rooms here that you could stay in.ö

ôThanks for the offer. But I do not plan to stay for very long.ö Tsuruko replied as she took a sip from her tea.

ôHmm. So this is MotokoÆs sister.ö Kitsune said with a grin. ôWell, I guess we know what Motoko would look like a few years older. And if she stops wearing those chest binds.ö

ôIs she as fun as Motoko?ö Su asked as she bounced into the room.

ôI wouldnÆt risk it Su. I donÆt know what she would do with someone like you.ö Kitsune said winking at the younger girl. ôHowever, she seems moreàplayful than Motoko at least!ö

ôOooooooooo.ö Su awed as she did cartwheels.

Sarah had her arms extended and ran around in circles behind Su. As she caught KeitaroÆs eyes, a mischievous grin appeared on her face. ôHey dork?ö

Keitaro sighed, as he knew who ædorkÆ was. ôWhat do you want Sarah?ö

ôYou should watch where youÆre going!ö Sarah said as she purposefully crashed into one of KeitaroÆs crutches, causing him to fall face first to the ground.

ôYou little brat!ö Keitaro said as he struggled to get up and limped towards Sarah. ôIÆm going to get youà!ö At that moment, an artifact, possibly some pagan idol, crashed into KeitaroÆs forehead. Which in turn, caused him to crash face down in the ground.

ôHahahahahahahaha!ö Sarah laughed as she attempted to leave the scene of the crime.

"Little girl..." Tsuruko said, causing Sarah to stop dead in her tracks. "That wasn't a nice thing you did to manager san now was it?"

Sarah's eyes widened. "Eh? Um..."

"Answer me please." Tsuruko calmly said without looking up from her tea.

Sarah gulped. "No I guess not..."

"Then you should apologize to manager san at this instant. And you should clean up the mess that you caused." Tsuruko continued in a slightly stern voice.

Sarah was shaking a bit. While Tsuruko didn't seem all that threatening, her words still chilled her to the bone. "Okay!" She quickly got a broom and started to picking up all the shattered pieces of the idol.

After hearing the crash, Shinobu decided to return to the main room to help Sarah. ôUm I can do itàö

ôNo.ö Tsuruko said in a stern, but caring voice. ôShe must do it herself. It was her that has caused all this, and so she should be the one to clean it up.ö

Keitaro shook the last vestiges of the attack from Sarah. As he focused on what Sarah was doing, Keitaro could only blink in wonder at what he was seeing. ôUm, thanks again Aoyama-san but um, you really didnÆt have to do that you know! IÆm used to it by now!ö

ôDoes that mean you find that behavior acceptable?ö Tsuruko pointedly asked at Keitaro.

Keitaro backed down a bit at the question. ôUm, noàbutàö

ôThen there is nothing that you should be concerned about Manager-san.ö Tsuruko said in a nearly cheery voice. ôIÆm just giving her some much needed discipline!ö

Haruka stared at Tsuruko with her unemotional face. However, she was very much in deep thought over this. æHmm. And she didnÆt even look back at her and already she has Sarah doing what she wanted. I think Seta should learn a thing or two from Tsuruko.Æ

Kitsune blinked at the events that just transpired. ôI think it might be a good idea not to get on her bad side eh?ö

ôI donÆt think I should play with MotokoÆs sister.ö Su lightly added.

ôBy the way Manager-san, you donÆt happen to know when Motoko should arrive do you?ö Tsuruko said as she took another sip from her tea.

ôHmm.ö Keitaro thought as he looked at his watch. ôWell, I know her class ended a half an hour ago. Supposing that she caught the first streetcaràshe should be homeàö

At that moment, the front door of the Hinata Sou began to open.

ôNow,ö Keitaro finished when the door swung open revealing the person standing on the other side.

Tsuruko smiled as she saw MotokoÆs face. ôMotoko, long time no seeàö

-------

Questions, comments, concerns? Oh, and one last thing, PLEASE give me some suggestions on title names. There is a reason why this story is untitled, and it isn't because I'm trying to 'keep it a secret'.
:unsure:
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#2
Well, I noticed a couple of spelling errors, but I'm too tired to point them out right now (2 hours of sleep will leave you like me). Maybe later.

As for titles... hmmm... how about 'Divergence'? Only thing that comes to my tired mind right now...
 

Israfel

Well-Known Member
#3
Hnn, good start though I'll need to see a bit more before I can really judge but I like it so far, though as for titles I generally need to know the entire story when I pick a title because the title usually has something to do with some underlying element of th plot or something along those lines, though I wouldn't call it 'Divergence' either because that's a bit cliche (in my oppinion anyway) and has been used several times before.
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#4
Israfel said:
though I wouldn't call it 'Divergence' either because that's a bit cliche (in my oppinion anyway) and has been used several times before.
It has? Oh well. I'm too smashed to think straight. <_<
 

Israfel

Well-Known Member
#5
It has? Oh well. I'm too smashed to think straight.?
Rough night GH? I know the feeling, I've been down with the sickness all week and thus have barely even been able to read the words on the screen because my eyes were so blurry, they're so blood shot right now it looks like I've just gotten off a week long coke binge. Ugh, I hate being sick.
 

SimmyC

Well-Known Member
#6
I'm going to be putting up more...when I write more. :p But I do have the story mostly planned at this point (with the ending being a little bit iffy, but is becoming more clear as I develop it), so here's what I have roughly planned for the story (if this helps in offering suggestions for the title).

For the rest of Chapter 1, well, Keitaro and Motoko would be found out that their rouse has been found out (you know, them being engage and all). However, Tsuruko doesn't confront them at the bath like in the manga, but alone with Keitaro in her room. Um, why in her room? Well, she would request his presence, with some sake. <_< Yeah I know, drunk Tsuruko has been done before on a certain story that had a similar premise. But that's the only logical reason why Tsuruko would 'jump' Keitaro so to speak. :lol: And besides, one major difference...Keitaro won't be as smashed. :rolleyes:

After that, the morning comes, Tsuruko wakes up with a surprise (Keitaro), and yelps. This brings the attention of Motoko and, well, Motoko thinking the worse, attacks Keitaro. Except Tsuruko stops her. Motoko would be confused and, well, Tsuruko would also break down at that point. This ends chapter 1.

After a few talks, and a lot of emotional scenes (Tsuruko nearly comitting suicide with Keitaro stopping her. Yeah cliche, but it works here). The Aoyama clan finds out, and demands Tsuruko to return to be punished for dishonoring the Aoyama name (along the lines of forcing her to be housewife to her husband). Tsuruko decides not to go and they escape their reach. After that, it's a surprise. ^_^
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#7
SimmyC said:
I'm going to be putting up more...when I write more. :p But I do have the story mostly planned at this point (with the ending being a little bit iffy, but is becoming more clear as I develop it), so here's what I have roughly planned for the story (if this helps in offering suggestions for the title).

For the rest of Chapter 1, well, Keitaro and Motoko would be found out that their rouse has been found out (you know, them being engage and all). However, Tsuruko doesn't confront them at the bath like in the manga, but alone with Keitaro in her room. Um, why in her room? Well, she would request his presence, with some sake.? <_< Yeah I know, drunk Tsuruko has been done before on a certain story that had a similar premise. But that's the only logical reason why Tsuruko would 'jump' Keitaro so to speak.? :lol: And besides, one major difference...Keitaro won't be as smashed. :rolleyes:

After that, the morning comes, Tsuruko wakes up with a surprise (Keitaro), and yelps. This brings the attention of Motoko and, well, Motoko thinking the worse, attacks Keitaro. Except Tsuruko stops her. Motoko would be confused and, well, Tsuruko would also break down at that point. This ends chapter 1.

After a few talks, and a lot of emotional scenes (Tsuruko nearly comitting suicide with Keitaro stopping her. Yeah cliche, but it works here). The Aoyama clan finds out, and demands Tsuruko to return to be punished for dishonoring the Aoyama name (along the lines of forcing her to be housewife to her husband). Tsuruko decides not to go and they escape their reach. After that, it's a surprise. ^_^
Tsuruko is too bent on honor to consider straight out suicide. She'd more likely try ritual suicide, or harakiri. It'd be more interesting if instead of Keitaro physically attempting to stop her from a spur of the moment action, he actually talked her out of a purposeful choice.

Like, say, if it's worth doing something like that when her husband wasn't similarly punished for being unfaithful to her in the first place. Keitaro may not be the brightest bulb in the house, but he does know how to make heartfelt speeches if he put his all in it. You should try this to be different from the usual fics.

Just my $0.02. It's how I would do it, anyway.
 

SimmyC

Well-Known Member
#8
I actually meant that ritual suicide thing. I agree that Tsuruko would be too honor bound to just go straight up suicide on us.

As for Keitaro talking her out of it instead of physically stopping her, hmm, sounds good. I'll think I will try to go that route. ^_^
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#9
SimmyC said:
I actually meant that ritual suicide thing. I agree that Tsuruko would be too honor bound to just go straight up suicide on us.

As for Keitaro talking her out of it instead of physically stopping her, hmm, sounds good. I'll think I will try to go that route. ^_^
You *have* to go that route. Ritual suicide requires a series of specific steps that cannot simply be overlooked if one wants to regain honor through death. Therefore, Tsuruko will have to take at least a day or two to get everything ready - plenty of time for Keitaro to work his 'word magic' on her.

Be careful with the dialogue, though. When writing it, keep in mind that to Tsuruko, nothing short of an excellent argument will sway her from her decision. Keitaro has to be convincing, so your dialogue for him has to be top notch.
 

SimmyC

Well-Known Member
#10
Good point. I'll probably have to work extra hard on the dialogue once I get there.
 

SimmyC

Well-Known Member
#11
Well, the problem here would be that she is, for the most part, is protrayed as 'perfect'. While I certainly won't mind a fic protraying her human side, well, using the manga as a guild, I'm not sure I can go that route with this one. Well, she's not exactly perfect of course (she did lose to Motoko even if it was the help of the demon sword), but compared to said sister, she certainly has fewer flaws than her. I also don't imagine her just 'breaking her vow' given that she is extremely honor bound (probably more so than Motoko) and in turn, when she is thinking logically (most of the time), certain actions would not be possible from her IMO. Hence, while her getting drunk had been done before, it's also the only logical explanation for her to 'get it on' with Keitaro.

If anything, she would get a divorce first before having fun with Keitaro if she was truely pushed to that extent (and would keep her honor there too). But where's the fun in that? :p
 

hawker_748

Well-Known Member
#12
IMHO, I find it a little unlikely that Keitaro would try something when he's sober... I even had him unsure of it at first when he was loaded.

I think she'd have to be all over him to convince him, and even then he'd probably try to talk her out of it. Just asking him won't do it, I believe...

Still, I obviously like the idea of Kei/Tsu... <_<

Good luck in writing it.

But I won't read more of it until I finish 'Ships'. Don't want to inadvertantly copy your work.

Once I'm done, I'll give it a through look.
 

runestar

Well-Known Member
#13
Does she have to be drunk? I know its the most convenient way of circumventing her honour, but couldn't we just have it that she has had it up to her eyebrows with the abuse heaped onto her by her husband and all it takes is a simply kind gesture from Keitaro when she is at her most emotionally vulnerable to....

Hey, she's only human... :unsure: But mainly because I would like to see a more more human, failable side of her rather than the perfect side mostly portrayed.

It might be a little like "Its not enough". Afterwards, maybe she decides to renounce her honour and decides to get a divorce to be with Keitaro? ;) I dunno, seems quite OOC to me though. :(
 

runestar

Well-Known Member
#14
What kind of flaws are you planning to introduce to Tsuruko's husband. If its philandering, perhaps have Tsuruko, out of a fit of spite, decide to do the first guy she comes across aka Keitaro as some sort of revenge? :eek:

But crap...it still ends up with Keitaro getting raped(sort off) and just ends up being a "Its not enough" adaptation... :( Somehow, I can't seem to get that title out of my mind...maybe because its the next fic Hawk has promised to update? :unsure:

Aargh!!!
 

SimmyC

Well-Known Member
#15
Thanks. :) And to an extent, I agree. He won't be completely sober (since Tsuruko would force him a few drinks or two) but, well, he would be more sober than he was in your fic. ^_^ My idea is that, he would of course try to talk her out of it, and will even as he slowly succombs to her. But unfortunately for Keitaro, Tsuruko won't listen. Neither will his body. Doesn't help matters that Tsuruko is stronger, a LOT stronger than him. Now, this would be the part where, well, Naru had left given that this takes place during the "Burning Swords Arc". While I admit it would be a stretch, Keitaro would be, well, since his status with Naru would be in doubt, and this woman is basically giving herself to him, my thinking is, he won't be able to give up for long.

That being said, that scene would be very long and, I can see Keitaro NEVER being comfortable with it. I'll cut it off before it gets into lemony territory (not exactly good in that area) but, well, Keitaro won't give up without a LONG fight that's for sure.

The angst of course is that, for Tsuruko, well, in an outsider's view, it could look like assult on her part. Think...Hawk's "It's Not Enough" with Tsuruko instead of Motoko and you get the picture. [edit]I didn't realize the simulaties until you brought it up Runestar. But yeah, that scene plays quite similar to that one.

Oh, and not reading the rest of my story until you finish yours, I can understand. Heck, um, the Tsuruko getting drunk part...um, I admit, I sort of got that idea from your story. Maybe I should follow the same advice. :unsure: Then again, your story is just that good... :ph43r
 

Fatuous One

Well-Known Member
#16
You *have* to go that route. Ritual suicide requires a series of specific steps that cannot simply be overlooked if one wants to regain honor through death. Therefore, Tsuruko will have to take at least a day or two to get everything ready - plenty of time for Keitaro to work his 'word magic' on her.
One thing, and I'm being nitpicky here, but depending on how you are using English to Japanese translations, committing ritual suicide would be Seppuku.

Harakiri is somewhat more vulgar in Japanese, and is pretty much only used for more English usage, to my knowledge.

Also, I haven't read the manga in a looong time, so my knowledge is a bit spotty, but ARE there any others in the Aoyama clan (Besides Motoko and Tsuruko)? To my knowledge, there really isn't any others mentioned, and I had thought that Tsuruko was basically the head of the clan.
 

SimmyC

Well-Known Member
#17
From my understanding, there are over 300 members in the Aoyama Clan? At least, this was what Grey Wolf has said, and he certainly is more knowledgeable since he has read more of the mangas than I have at this point (I'm still in the process of, um, reading them. Hey! Slow reader. Plus with trying to catch up on Bleach, Naruto, and other series...). <_<

While this would put Tsuruko in a high rank, I'm certain that there were some group that was above her.

As for Seppuku or Harikiri, I did read somewhere that Harikiri is only used by gaijin. So, the correct terminology would be Seppuku.
 

hawker_748

Well-Known Member
#18
300 members?

Isn't that fanon?

Without actually going through the mangas to check, I can't recall ever seeing that...

Motoko has a dream in volume nine where her sister and maybe half a dozen others, if that, put the hurt on a demon, and that's the biggest group I remember...
 

SimmyC

Well-Known Member
#19
That could be the case. Again, I myself have yet to even finish the mangas so I can't say for certain if that was true or not. It could also be an anime creation which, again, since I haven't seen enough of said series, I can't say for certain if that was mentioned either (or else, why would I be so unsure? :p).

But that section that you mentioned, does seem to make it clear that, yeah, there were more than two members in the Aoyama Clan.
 

hawker_748

Well-Known Member
#20
SimmyC said:
But that section that you mentioned, does seem to make it clear that, yeah, there were more than two members in the Aoyama Clan.
It's never said, or even assumed, they're Aoyama clan members. When I read it, it made me think of experts brought in to finish a job...

But sure, there are probably are more than two...

The manga is shy on details.
 

SimmyC

Well-Known Member
#21
<_< Well that's true now that I think about it (I read that chapter at least and yes, they weren't specifically said to be from the Aoyama clan). But hey, if it isn't explicitly said in the manga, no reason for me not to add a little 'background' story to it. Especially like, well, ANY information about Tsuruko's husband. ^_^
 

runestar

Well-Known Member
#22
Well, according to Motoko, she is the strongest warrior in the clan, I would say that would count for something when deciding her rank... B)
 

Israfel

Well-Known Member
#23
We never see any of the Aoyama clan members beyond Motoko and Tsuruko but there is many references to the rest of the clan which is, at least, of moderate if not massive size considering it justifies having its own massive dojo in Kyoto and let me tell you land in Japan, much less Kyoto, is not cheap so it would have to be rather large just to support itself, but otherwise we never actually see anyone beyond the Aoyama sisters.
 

Fatuous One

Well-Known Member
#24
I honestly don't remember any of that stuff. However, I should point out that you don't actually need to be part of the Aoyama clan to know their school style, ya? Just like any dojo, you have people coming to practice the style, and become part of the school, but that doesn't make them part of the Aoyama clan. You have people (Setsuna from Negima as an example) who know the Shinmeiryu, and aren't an Aoyama after all.

However, like SimmyC said, since it's never actually said whether there are or not, you can make it up as you wish.
 
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