Akamatsuverse Writing romances

[David Alan Abramczyk]

Greetings, everyone.

Currently, I'm writing a "Love Hina" fanfic, entitled "The Wheel Turns" over at FF.net, but I'm a little hazy on some details, so I was wondering if anyone could help.

See, in my fic, Naru and Keitaro don't get together, due to the actions of Keitaro's British penfriend who came to visit.

The question therefore is, who should get him? Currently, I'm leaning towards Mutsumi, but I'm open to anyone who can put up a convincing argument in favour of one of the other characters.

 

[zeebee1]

If you gave a link people would be able to give a better analysis. To figure this out people need to know the exact reasons that Keitaro and NAru broke up.

 

[David Alan Abramczyk]

Sound advice, Zeebee1.

I should say one thing first:

So far only one chapter is up, and it's mainly to do with introducing Donald Johannsen (yes, I am aware that Johannsen is a Dutch surname).

The Wheel Turns

 

[H-Man]

Then just tell us what is your reasoning behind breaking them up.

 

[David Alan Abramczyk]

Well, for one thing, Naru is abusive, wishy-washy, quite possibly mentally unstable, and, for all her much vaunted intelligence, isn't all that bright, really. Akamatsu-sans' thoughts aside, who would want to be in a relationship with her?

That, and I have a soft spot for Mutsumi Otohime, the other promise girl.

 

[Lord Raa]

Sound advice, Zeebee1.

I should say one thing first:

So far only one chapter is up, and it's mainly to do with introducing Donald Johannsen (yes, I am aware that Johannsen is a Dutch surname).

The Wheel Turns

And your point is?

Depending on how many generations removed from his Dutch ancesters, Johannsen is perfectly ok as it's a variation of Johnson or Jonsson meaning "Son of John" (or Johan in this case).


If his grandparents moved over, then that's feasible that they would have kept the name. Anything longer would be pushing it.

You have to be careful about adding in another character like Donald, because it screams "SI/Author Avatar" to people like me.

 

[David Alan Abramczyk]

Which is why I'm now looking for someone to cast an eye over my writings, and help me stay on track.

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

Rather than make an OC, try using an actual character from a different source. There's plenty of fictional people in England that'd fit the bill - have him trade letters with a cultured Brit. No one'd mistake that for an SI.

 

[David Alan Abramczyk]

I didn't want to reveal this point, but you have forced my hand.

The original character is unlikely to be a self-insert, because he was Killed In Action on the Royal Navy Battlecruiser HMS Hood in 1941. He is Keitaro's Guardian Angel.

 

[GenocideHeart]

I didn't want to reveal this point, but you have forced my hand.

The original character is unlikely to be a self-insert, because he was Killed In Action on the Royal Navy Battlecruiser HMS Hood in 1941. He is Keitaro's Guardian Angel.

That's irrelevant. I had a SI in some of my older, unpublished fics, and he was, of all things, a SKELETON.

Being dead doesn't mean a character won't be a SI.

 

[David Alan Abramczyk]

This is getting off the point.

The point is, what points should I remember to have if I pair up Keitaro with "xyz"?

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

I would reccommend rule 34, rule 37, rule 41, rule 44, and rule 46.

 

[runestar]

I only know of rule 34(If it exists, there's porn regarding it)

What do the other rules entail?

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

 

[SimmyC]

The 'who should get him' question... really depends on who you want him to be with. I may say "he shouldn't be with Naru" which you pretty much is going with. But the alternative? For someone like me, I could simply say, he could pick anyone.

And since you're leaning towards Mutsumi, guess that should be the one you should have him paired up with.

The only suggestion I can go with is the idea that the person he does pick, has to be done in a believable fashion. And that means, not going OOC. Plenty of ways to do that. For Mutsumi, her selflessness and overall kindness might lead to Keitaro/Mutsumi if she sees their relationship falling apart. Maybe she'll try and mend it first, but maybe, barring everything else. Beyond that however, I need to know where the story is heading.

As for OCs, yeah, becareful in this field. OCs/SIs have the issue of turning into a Mary Sue. There is nothing wrong with OCs/SIs itself, but due to the author's egos in wanting a 'badass' character, many times, they fall into the "Miss/Mister Perfect" mode that, well, kills a story.

Oh, and just because his name may not be similar to your own, doesn't mean he isn't a SI. If he turns out to be what you yourself want to be, than that character just became an SI.

 

[David Alan Abramczyk]

Thanks, SimmyC, that's the sort of information I was looking for.

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

Dispite my earlier off-topic joking, I'd really like to see this fic. Keitaro's pen-pal went down on the Hood? Sounds like a potential winner if you can balance everything.

 

[David Alan Abramczyk]

Keitaro's pen-pal went down on the Hood?

Well, to be more accurate, he was blown up on the Hood. When the ammunition magazines exploded, he was at "Ground Zero".

 

[toraneko]

I mostly see Kei with either Motoko or Mutsumi if he and Naru don't work out. Motoko's a longshot, though, as the two aren't really all that compatible in canon and would have to be "ficced" into it.

Mutsumi it is, then.

I'm pretty sure a Naru/Kei breakup would be divisive for the Hinata-sou residents. For example, Kitsune would be pretty upset with Keitaro. She liked him, but gave him up for Naru's sake, just like she did about Seta, and here he is quitting Naru and going to some girl that's not Kitsune? Woman scorned, fury, etc.
Shinobu would get over it. She's young, and stronger than she looks. After an initial difficulty, she'd be able to deal with it. It helps that Keitaro going to Mutsumi would pop the tiny bubble of fantasy that she probably holds about Keitaro coming to her if he and Naru broke up.
Kanako would be pissed, natch. Might have trouble there.
Su? She'll always be Su. It's hard to imagine her upset at anything at all.
Motoko would apprentice in the Urashima Kanako School of Managing Envy (Badly). :snigger:

All my opinons, of course. Take them as suggestions if you like.

 

[David Alan Abramczyk]

I'm thinking of two ways it could go:

1) Naru becomes unable to continue on, and leaves Keitaro,

or

2) Donald takes matters into his own hands after seeing Keitaro beaten one too many times.

 

[PCHeintz72]

I'm pretty sure a Naru/Kei breakup would be divisive for the Hinata-sou residents. For example, Kitsune would be pretty upset with Keitaro. She liked him, but gave him up for Naru's sake, just like she did about Seta, and here he is quitting Naru and going to some girl that's not Kitsune?

You are assuming the breakup would be on Kei's end and not Naru's. I could see circumstances where Kitsune would actually be against Naru, especially if she had initiated the breakup. She gave up Seta, and later Keitaro for her, and she stuck with neither.

 

[David Alan Abramczyk]

It's going to be Naru breaking up with Keitaro.

 

[exar]

As sweet as Mutsumi is and as great a match for Keitaro as she is, it'll never work.

Keitaro met her too late and was already completely in love with Naru at the time. He never seriously considered Mutsumi as a potential lover. He had complete tunnel vision, even when she basically threw herself at him, something that 6 months earlier would have quickly ended in a roll in the hay and a proposal, he is at best indecisive.

If Naru dumped Keitaro, or better yet behaved in such a way as to make him dump her (knocking boots with someone else, attacking his british friend for no reason while screaming that Keitaro is hers and he could never have him, etc), Kei might, I stress might, in time approach Mutsumi for a relationship. This would be after several months as Kei is a fairly sensitive fellow and it would take him quite a while to be able to trust again. He wouldn't go to her for a direct rebound as it's not in his character. He doesn't use people like that. But even then it would be rocky. He would be settling for number 2 in his heart, and she would know that. In time it would drive them apart unless they took great steps to cement their relationship, effort that most people never make. Perhaps they could learn to trust each other, Mutsumi learn to value herself a bit more, and Keitaro learn to value her as well. Human nature being what it is, we never value the things that come easily, only the things that we have to work for. For it to last they would have to work for their love.

So yeah, that's the romance I can see coming from a Keitaro/Mutsumi pairing. Serious, emotional and deep. It'd be a bitch to write well. You would need to pay constant attention to tone and be very careful with the supporting cast. If you tried to keep to the usual frenetic pace of Love Hina I just don't see it working. Naru's ridiculous indecisiveness and insecurity was a vital element of dramatic and romantic tension. Remove it, and the series winds down rather quickly unless you shift gears and tell a more human, emotional story. I'm not saying there would be no comedy involved, but it would be much more subdued than your average LH story.

and as always, that's just my $.02

-exar out

 

[David Alan Abramczyk]

Well, there'll still be a lot of comical violence aimed at Keitaro, it'll just be different.

Heck, I might even only suggest that Mutsumi and Keitaro are starting to get together towards the end of the fic.

 

[zeebee1]

What you need to remember is that depending on when this takes place both Keitaro and Naru have very strong feelings for eachother. Just because they break up doesn't mean those feelings even decrease. It will be a rough time for both of them. If Naru institutes the break up I could see Kitsune both upset with Naru, and consoling her.