AN: Usual disclaimers: I don't own Bleach or Exalted. I do own any original characters like Uryu's utterly normal girlfreind, but I doubt it matters much.
This story is set well after the defeat of Aizen. Ichigo's hooked up with Orihime, Nel, and Rukia and they're very happy in their polyamorous relationship. He's not entirely sure whether it was Orihime's or Nel's idea. Sado wound up with Nemu. Captain Kurotsuchi got his head blown off by Ulquorria.
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Ichigo nodded as he looked at Ishida cooking at the grill, spatula in one hand, bottle of beer in the other.
"So, this is how people cook in Australia?"
Uryu nods as he sips from the bottle, and prods the sausages a bit with the spatula.
"Not all the time, obviously, but when you get all your freinds together, yeah."
Ichigo glances around. His girls were off giggling with Nemu and Uryu's Australian fiancee. he hoped Orihime didn't get too drunk- she was on her second bottle, and with her imagination, she could be a bit unpredictable. Tatsuki was arm-wrestling Ikkaku as Yumichika looked on and Ichigo caught him making some sort of stereotypical comment about beauty.
Grimmjow takes a swig from his bottle.
"Freinds, yeah."
Renji took a swig of his.
"Just like old times, huh?"
Ichigo laughs.
"Yeah, sure. But I'm pretty sure there was less drinking and more fighting, eh , Grimmjow?"
Grimmjow flashes a predatory grin right back.
"You want to go, be my guest."
"Not right now, thanks. I don't particularly want to have to explain to my girlfreind why two of my freinds suddenly collapsed."
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Meanwhile, several dimensions away, The Dowager of the Irreverent Vulgate in Unrent Veils was pondering. More specifically, she was pondering the Well of Udr; the interdimensional portal through which she had almost destroyed Creation before those glory-grubbing fools ruined her work. The fools. Soon she'd find the Anti-Creation, and all of reality would slide into Oblivion!
She grinned as she peered into the Well, sifting through the many universes displayed as she sifted through them. A bunch of young mortals gathered around some sort of cooking machine. The fools, clinging onto their pathetic lives.
-----------------------
Orihime giggled as she leaned against her green haired lover's copious chest and told the story to Uryu's girl.
"An' then I shouted, 'I REJECT!'"
With that, her hairpins split apart, the fairies drunkenly rotating about her, their intersecting feilds flickering in and out of existance.
"An' then it wen' POOF!"
-------------------------
The Dowager flinched back, her Perfect Defenses activating as the Well shuddered and exploded, leaving the youths scattered about the crater where it used to be.
"Ug. 'hime, what did you just do?" the orange haired boy asked.
The Dowager felt the hissing whispers of disapproval welling up within her.
"You fools!" She shreiked in disbelieving rage. "You destroyed the Well of Udr!"
The boy had the impertinance to glare at her! Glare at her! Did he not know who she was?! The drunken little minx giggled.
"Who are you?"
"I am the Dowager of the Irreverant Vulgate in Unrent Veils! I will not be denied! I will find the Anti-Creation, and I will use it to drag the sick world into the Oblivion in which it belongs! But first, I will kill you all!"
-------------------------
Ichigo looked at the strange, horned woman- spirit? - with snakes for fingers as she continued shreiking. As she began talking about destroying the world, Ichigo grabbed his substitute shinigami badge. Grasping it, his soul bursts forth of his body with a crackle of spiritual particles.
Grasping Zangetsu, Ichigo grins.
"I'd like to see you try."
"Insolent ghost! You dare challenge a Deathlord, one of the Chosen of the Neverborn themselves? I will forge your soul into a piece of furniture, and you will suffer for your insolence until the end of time!"
Ichigo's grin grows further.
"Gotta beat me first."
Whipping Zangetsu from his back, Ichigo charges the snake-fingered woman with the too-long title, his blade arcing up and crashing down through her into the rock of the floor.
"You cannot harm me, you arrogant, impertinant little snot! I will show you the true power of the Neverborn!"
Whipping the sword up, he blocks a knife-hand blow from the witch before delivering a counter-blow of his own, his eyes widening as he sees her fade from existance before his blow lands, only to return a split second later.
"A most unbeautiful conflict."
Ichigo grimaces, sliding under another strike.
"Shut up Yumichika! Busy fighting the crazy witch!"
She shrieks at that, as she unleashes a flurry of strikes Ichigo barely evades, Zangetsu flashing as he parries blow after blow.
"Mad! They call me mad! So are they! I will destroy all of you, I destroy Creation and I will destroy them along with it!"
She launches another palm strike. Ichigo decides to go for a different tactic, his blade deflecting her strike up and to the left as he spins around inside her reach, his foot rising up to strike her stomach. Or, at least it would have, if she didn't go and fade from existance again. Taking the momentum, he spins past her, his feet kicking up dust as he slides into a fighting stance.
Ichigo glances at his freinds. It looks like Uryu's girlfreind is starting to wake up.
"Ugh. What's going on? Why's Ichigo fighting a monster woman with a giant meat cleaver?"
She can seem him?
Blocking another blow, her hand guided over his head, he realizes this isn't going to work. Well, he's no expert, but it looks like it's activating some sort of active power to defend against his blows, since she actually seems to flicker out of existance for a moment.
Therefore, if he could attack fast enough that she doesn't have the opportunity to use it, he might be able to actually hurt her.
He grins, as he leaps away from another attack, lifting his Zanpakuto towards her as he summoned his spiritual energy.
"Bankai!"
This story is set well after the defeat of Aizen. Ichigo's hooked up with Orihime, Nel, and Rukia and they're very happy in their polyamorous relationship. He's not entirely sure whether it was Orihime's or Nel's idea. Sado wound up with Nemu. Captain Kurotsuchi got his head blown off by Ulquorria.
--------------------------
Ichigo nodded as he looked at Ishida cooking at the grill, spatula in one hand, bottle of beer in the other.
"So, this is how people cook in Australia?"
Uryu nods as he sips from the bottle, and prods the sausages a bit with the spatula.
"Not all the time, obviously, but when you get all your freinds together, yeah."
Ichigo glances around. His girls were off giggling with Nemu and Uryu's Australian fiancee. he hoped Orihime didn't get too drunk- she was on her second bottle, and with her imagination, she could be a bit unpredictable. Tatsuki was arm-wrestling Ikkaku as Yumichika looked on and Ichigo caught him making some sort of stereotypical comment about beauty.
Grimmjow takes a swig from his bottle.
"Freinds, yeah."
Renji took a swig of his.
"Just like old times, huh?"
Ichigo laughs.
"Yeah, sure. But I'm pretty sure there was less drinking and more fighting, eh , Grimmjow?"
Grimmjow flashes a predatory grin right back.
"You want to go, be my guest."
"Not right now, thanks. I don't particularly want to have to explain to my girlfreind why two of my freinds suddenly collapsed."
---------------------
Meanwhile, several dimensions away, The Dowager of the Irreverent Vulgate in Unrent Veils was pondering. More specifically, she was pondering the Well of Udr; the interdimensional portal through which she had almost destroyed Creation before those glory-grubbing fools ruined her work. The fools. Soon she'd find the Anti-Creation, and all of reality would slide into Oblivion!
She grinned as she peered into the Well, sifting through the many universes displayed as she sifted through them. A bunch of young mortals gathered around some sort of cooking machine. The fools, clinging onto their pathetic lives.
-----------------------
Orihime giggled as she leaned against her green haired lover's copious chest and told the story to Uryu's girl.
"An' then I shouted, 'I REJECT!'"
With that, her hairpins split apart, the fairies drunkenly rotating about her, their intersecting feilds flickering in and out of existance.
"An' then it wen' POOF!"
-------------------------
The Dowager flinched back, her Perfect Defenses activating as the Well shuddered and exploded, leaving the youths scattered about the crater where it used to be.
"Ug. 'hime, what did you just do?" the orange haired boy asked.
The Dowager felt the hissing whispers of disapproval welling up within her.
"You fools!" She shreiked in disbelieving rage. "You destroyed the Well of Udr!"
The boy had the impertinance to glare at her! Glare at her! Did he not know who she was?! The drunken little minx giggled.
"Who are you?"
"I am the Dowager of the Irreverant Vulgate in Unrent Veils! I will not be denied! I will find the Anti-Creation, and I will use it to drag the sick world into the Oblivion in which it belongs! But first, I will kill you all!"
-------------------------
Ichigo looked at the strange, horned woman- spirit? - with snakes for fingers as she continued shreiking. As she began talking about destroying the world, Ichigo grabbed his substitute shinigami badge. Grasping it, his soul bursts forth of his body with a crackle of spiritual particles.
Grasping Zangetsu, Ichigo grins.
"I'd like to see you try."
"Insolent ghost! You dare challenge a Deathlord, one of the Chosen of the Neverborn themselves? I will forge your soul into a piece of furniture, and you will suffer for your insolence until the end of time!"
Ichigo's grin grows further.
"Gotta beat me first."
Whipping Zangetsu from his back, Ichigo charges the snake-fingered woman with the too-long title, his blade arcing up and crashing down through her into the rock of the floor.
"You cannot harm me, you arrogant, impertinant little snot! I will show you the true power of the Neverborn!"
Whipping the sword up, he blocks a knife-hand blow from the witch before delivering a counter-blow of his own, his eyes widening as he sees her fade from existance before his blow lands, only to return a split second later.
"A most unbeautiful conflict."
Ichigo grimaces, sliding under another strike.
"Shut up Yumichika! Busy fighting the crazy witch!"
She shrieks at that, as she unleashes a flurry of strikes Ichigo barely evades, Zangetsu flashing as he parries blow after blow.
"Mad! They call me mad! So are they! I will destroy all of you, I destroy Creation and I will destroy them along with it!"
She launches another palm strike. Ichigo decides to go for a different tactic, his blade deflecting her strike up and to the left as he spins around inside her reach, his foot rising up to strike her stomach. Or, at least it would have, if she didn't go and fade from existance again. Taking the momentum, he spins past her, his feet kicking up dust as he slides into a fighting stance.
Ichigo glances at his freinds. It looks like Uryu's girlfreind is starting to wake up.
"Ugh. What's going on? Why's Ichigo fighting a monster woman with a giant meat cleaver?"
She can seem him?
Blocking another blow, her hand guided over his head, he realizes this isn't going to work. Well, he's no expert, but it looks like it's activating some sort of active power to defend against his blows, since she actually seems to flicker out of existance for a moment.
Therefore, if he could attack fast enough that she doesn't have the opportunity to use it, he might be able to actually hurt her.
He grins, as he leaps away from another attack, lifting his Zanpakuto towards her as he summoned his spiritual energy.
"Bankai!"