Sailor Moon Beautiful Destroyer Sailor Moon

[Deleted member 5249]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Huh, apart from the jewelry, past-Beryl's outfit looks like a maid uniform.

Is there any evidence from the manga, to suggest that Endymion knew Beryl at all? Could she have been just a maid who went Stalker-with-a-Crush on the prince, before Metallia found her?

Endymion didn't acknowledge Beryl in any flashbacks in The Silver Millennium.

 

[Da-Guru]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

We can mostly blame the animation studio that did the Sailor Moon anime for the lack of background info on Beryl and Tux-Boy. The person writing the anime thought Tux-Boy shoulda went the way of the dinosaurs and that Odango-atama shoulda spent the remaining time in Rei's luscious arms. So the scenario most people know lacks a lot of the background info on Endyminion and Beryl, particularly their motivations. In fact, Tux-Boy had actual attacks besides his useless "Deus-Ex-Roses".

 

[nick012000]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Heh. So Metallia is the Great Ruler, huh? I can totally see Usagi drawing a paralell to Shocker's Great Leader, especially since they're both eldritch evils that try to conquer the Earth.

 

[WarChild]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

We can mostly blame the animation studio that did the Sailor Moon anime for the lack of background info on Beryl and Tux-Boy. The person writing the anime thought Tux-Boy shoulda went the way of the dinosaurs and that Odango-atama shoulda spent the remaining time in Rei's luscious arms. So the scenario most people know lacks a lot of the background info on Endyminion and Beryl, particularly their motivations. In fact, Tux-Boy had actual attacks besides his useless "Deus-Ex-Roses".

Wasn't it the director, not the writer for the series? And when he couldn't do it in Sailor Moon, he created Revolutionary Girl Utena for that purpose.

 

[Da-Guru]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Something like that. I don't recall exactly. But I know that someone with deciding power made that decision during the production process.

 

[The Ero-Sennin]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Disclaimer: This one goes out to all of the sophisticated, humorous, and edgy fanfiction readers out there.


Beautiful Destroyer Sailor Moon
She is the one named Sailor Moon

The following story is rated M. It is intended for mature audiences only.

[4.]


“Well, when I first realized what was happening, I was bound and gagged. By the time I went upstairs, it was already over and she was gone,” Mayumi Osaka, her face hidden behind a mosaic to hide her identity on television, spoke.

The caption, reading “Woman A”, then changed as the scene did to “Man A”, revealing the very pixilated face of Marik as he spoke with a modulated voice. “You heard the broadcast right? She introduced herself as Sailor Moon, but came in disguised as a man. It was a pretty good disguise, definitely magical.”

The scene then changed to a “Woman B," who was completely shadowed out and her voice altered. “When I woke up, the doctors said that I had passed out from exhaustion, I couldn’t believe it. I had gotten a good night’s sleep and gone through my morning routine, so there was no way it could’ve been just that. But then, the night after I heard the Midnight Zero broadcast, and I couldn’t believe it! I took the brooch that I received and tossed it into an incinerator right away.”

Poor quality security camera shots appeared in sequence across the screen, showing only passing glimpses of the self-proclaimed Guardian of Earth. The reporter covering the story narrated, “Who is this Sailor Moon? Just from the poor quality security images alone, it’s clear to see that she is of terrible physical strength, but who is her enemy, and what is their ultimate goal?”

In a dimly lit, lavish apartment, the short-haired woman watching the broadcast developed a scowl. “Sailor Moon, huh?”

“Some, like the host of the Depths of Strange, who has eschewed privacy to make his statement, believes this is the start of a new legend coinciding with the Malice Spike, the paranormal mass-panic that gripped Japan almost two years ago,” the narrator continued.

“Forty years ago, the legends appeared, and then before we knew it they were gone, leaving us with only stories of that Heroic Age. Ever since the Malice Spike two years ago, things beyond our scope of comprehension have been happening and this little lady, Sailor Moon? She’s stepping forth to help stop it,” Hakushi, who proudly allowed his face to be seen, explained to the off-screen reporter from his home office.

“Do you think that this may have something to do with those… legends?” The reporter asked.

“I don’t know, I don’t think there’s anyone who possibly knows except for Sailor Moon and whatever evil she’s fighting. But I think… no I’m certain she’s a hero.” Hakushi replied.

The young woman sneered. “She’s a brat who has no idea what she’s getting into.”

“Whatever the case may be, it is clear that the strength that Sailor Moon possesses means she can be either a God or a Devil, this reporter can only hope that she chooses to use that power for the sake of all of us…” Lifting her remote, the short-haired woman snorted and shut off the television.

“God or Devil, who do they think they’re comparing her to?”


Standing in the living room of her home, Usagi bounced from one foot to another as she stood next to Naru, who was likewise doing the same. Both were wearing shirts that displayed their names in kanji. Behind them, the CD player was on a timed delay, giving them a moment to get ready.

In front of them, Usagi’s mother sat on the couch, patiently waiting for her daughter and her friend to begin. Next to her, Luna sat near the end of the couch, pretending to be a normal cat and wearing a look of utter disdain. As Usagi noted before, she was good at being a regular cat. The CD player suddenly began to play its music, and then Naru turned to Usagi.

“Shut your fucking face uncle fucker!” she exclaimed in English song, as Usagi recoiled. “You’re a cock-sucking ass-licking uncle fucker. You’re an uncle fucker yes it’s true, nobody fucks uncles quite like you.”

Usagi suddenly fired back, breaking into a dance. “Shut your fucking face uncle fucker! You’re the one who fucked your uncle, uncle fucker. You don’t eat or sleep or mow the lawn, you just fuck your uncle all day long.”

It should be noted that none in the room except for Luna had a proper grasp of English slang, which was why Luna was trying hard not to blow her cover by laughing, while Usagi’s mother was clapping. As the song began to go into the most obscene fart solo ever composed, Usagi turned to Naru.

“Naru, what did the altar boy say to the catholic priest?” she asked.

Naru scratched her head. “I don’t know, what did he say?”

“Nothing, he knew it was rude to talk with your mouth full!” Usagi replied, and both broke into hysterics.

Naru then snapped her fingers. “Speaking of perverts, the other day a man offered me five thousand yen to give him a tug,” she said as she made the appropriate hand-motion.

Usagi gasped in shock. “So, what did you tell him?”

“I said to him ‘Five thousand yen? If you’re going to insult me, then at least offer me ten thousand!’” Naru exclaimed, in a matter-of-fact tone as she reached behind her back.

Usagi laughed and then stopped. “So then what happened?”

Naru brought up her hand and slapped her with ten thousand yen. “What do you think?”

Both broke into giggles and danced around each other, changing sides. Usagi then spoke. “Okay, no more sex jokes. Here’s something more tasteful! A Muslim walks into a bar and-”

“BOOM!” Naru yelled out, popping an air-filled paper bag for emphasis.

Usagi delivered a swift but non-damaging chop to Naru head. “Idiot, you just don’t deliver the punchline like that!”

“Ah, I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Naru repeatedly pleaded as she bowed her head. “It’s just that when I hear those kinds of jokes, I tend to blow up.”

Usagi’s mother was laughing to tears, while Luna was curled up with her paws over her head to muffle her laughter. Naru then took her turn. “Speaking of blowing up, did you hear about the man who abused his wife?”

“We live in Japan, you never hear about that!” Usagi replied.

Naru slapped Usagi with her money again. As the song finally ended its extended chorus and began to build up to the next verse. “And you told me not to ruin the joke, you uncle fucking son of a bitch!”

Both sang together. “Shut your fucking face uncle fucker!”

“Uncle fucker,” Naru spoke.

“You’re a boner-biting bastard uncle fucker,” Usagi continued.

Naru countered. “You’re an uncle fucker I must say!”

Usagi shot back. “Well you fucked your uncle yesterday!”

Both draped their arms over each other’s shoulders. “Uncle fucker that’s U-N-C-L-E!”

Both flip off their audience. “Fuck you! Uncle Fucker…!”

The song ended, both girls posed, and then Naru added. “Suck my balls.”

“Oh that was simply wonderful, Usagi!” her mother declared. “Your show has been getting so much better. You’ll win the Cinderella Caravan with no problem!”

“I hope so; getting the lyrics right for this song was really hard.” Usagi turned off the CD player. “C’mon Naru, let’s hit up the Crown and grab some food, my treat for an awesome rehearsal.”

Naru beamed and pulled a sweater over her name-emblazoned T-shirt. “You are paying for lunch? You’re being so generous, Usagi-chan!”

As they got dressed in normal clothes and left, and Usagi’s mother went off to do whatever she does when she’s not being a housewife. Finally alone, Luna buried her face in a pillow and laughed her furry butt off.


Fruits Parlor Crown, located upstairs of Usagi’s second favorite place to go–the Game Center Crown–was slow today. Both stores were relatively slow, which was a relief for Usagi as she and Naru sat down over parfaits and their plans for the upcoming talent show. As Usagi began scooping her tasty treat into her mouth, Naru mused.

“Do you think our act might be too offensive?” she asked. “The ‘F’ word is supposed to be really bad in context, or so I’ve heard.”

Usagi shrugged her shoulders. “It’s just for the act, it’s not like we use it all the time.”

“Well what about…?”

Cutting her off, Usagi pointed her spoon at Naru as she spoke. “G-Money USA was just an offensive, over the top stereotype I used to get my way that night. He is in no way indicative of my frequency of use of that word.”

Naru nodded. “I guess, but what about our audience?”

“Screw them; we’re just doing this for fun, aren’t we?” Usagi pointed out.

“Okay then.” Naru paused to take a bite as Usagi waited expectantly. “What if we actually win, can you be famous and Sailor Moon at the same time?”

Usagi shook her head. “Of course not, I can only be one or the other and I’d much rather prefer to be the latter. If we do win, we’ll pass the contract off to the runner’s up. That’s what it means to be in it for the fun.”

“What about the prize money?”

“Well of course we’ll keep that.”

Usagi and Naru broke into light laughter, and it died as they began stuffing their faces with yogurt-based foodstuffs. As their conversation wandered to other subjects, neither noticed the thin young woman making her way over with a confident stride and a determined look on her face until she reached them.

“Hey Usagi, hey Naru!” she greeted them eagerly, surprising both. They turned to the strange girl, their height with very short brown hair in messy curls and stared. “How are you two?”

Usagi blinked. Naru just stared at her, both tilted their heads. The strange girl stared back. “Well, don’t you recognize me? It’s me [REDACTED].”

Both stared at her, baffled, as though they just witnessed an act of plagiarism. Naru then realized it. “It… it is you, [Nameless]! What happened?”

Usagi’s eyes went wide as [Too lazy to make up a name] went arms akimbo and pushed out her chest in a confident pose. “It’s so awesome, I wanted to lose some weight for the talent show, and Haruna-sensei showed me this new addition they had for her gym! After only one day the pounds melted off me and they didn’t come back!”

And there went the warning bells in Usagi’s head as [To be honest I just can’t think of one]’s story sank in. The skinny as a rail girl, one of their classmates, once tipped the scale at seventy-two kilos. That was the last time Usagi saw her–only two days ago.

Naru gasped. “Really, that’s… that’s miraculous! And you haven’t suffered any ill effects?”

“None, it’s so cool. Boys have actually been asking me out on the street! I look as good as I’ve always felt!” [F-it, her name’s Jun] declared giddily. “The gym is offering free memberships to people who suggest friends, so I came to tell you about it–not like either of you need it, but it never hurts to stay in shape, right?”

“That’s right. As Raiderman once said, ‘A healthy body is every bit as important as a healthy mind.’ Thank you very much Jun-chan,” Usagi happily responded to her friend.

Jun produced a pair of passes and handed them to her friends. “Give it a try; the process they used on me was called the Shape Ray. Anyway, I gotta get going, I have a date tonight! Can you believe it?!”

With that, Jun was off, leaving the parlor and her baffled classmates behind. Naru looked from where she went to Usagi. “Okay, how many things were wrong with what just happened?”

“Naru-chan, these guys are either really bold, or really stupid.” Usagi hoped it was the former. They both looked down at the passes, with Usagi letting out a hum after a few moments. “Before we jump to conclusions, though, let’s go give it a look-see.”

Naru looked up and then nodded. “You got it, Usagi.”


Days before, far away from teenage girls and their superhero alter egos, Thetis awoke lying in a comfortable bed and aching from head to toe. What an odd contrast, to be in such comfort–it was even warm in whatever room this was–and yet to be in such physical pain. Movement from the corner of her vision brought her gaze over to a doll-like youma dressed as a mockery of seventeenth century royalty. She knew this one; she was one of Jadeite’s best.

“Murid…?” She asked in a weak voice.

Murid gave a relieved smile to Thetis and then produced an apple for her. “Here, eat this.”

Reaching up, Thetis took the apple and almost immediately felt the energy stored within begin permeating her skin and enter her system. The pain from her injuries sustained from being a youma wrecking ball began to fade as the potent life-force quickly healed them. In no time, she not only was entirely healed, but left feeling refreshed and full of life.

“Wow, Murid… how much energy did you use?” Thetis asked as she swung her feet out of the bed and stood up.

“Jadeite had me collect quite a bit, but it took me a while because he didn’t want me to attract attention, so I’m sorry you had to languish so long in your state. You’re very lucky to have held on long as you did, you were in bad shape.”

Oh, Murid had no idea, but that wasn’t important. “I assume Jadeite made it out of there, but what about Flau?”

Murid’s smile disappeared as her gaze lowered. “I’m afraid she didn’t make it. That Sailor Moon killed her.”

That shocked Thetis. Flau was an offensive powerhouse, capable of going toe to toe with Beryl’s youma like herself. First his best collector bit it and now his best fighter was gone. “Where is Jadeite?”

Murid shook her head. “He’s been working on a few different projects at once now to make up for the failure to meet quota. Beryl’s really upset that you were nearly killed.”

Thetis grimaced, and then began to seek out Jadeite’s presence within their secret base. “I should go talk to him.”

Reaching out, Murid rested a hand on Thetis’ shoulder. “You really ought to not. He doesn’t want anyone involved with his next scheme; he said he doesn’t want to lose another one of us.”

“At least until he makes his quota.” Thetis added, though sounding more derisive of Beryl than Jadeite. “This girl, Sailor Moon… who do you suppose she is, or where she came from?”

Murid shook her head. “The rest of us are actually a little afraid of her. If she could take out Flau, the rest of us are kind of hard-pressed to stand a chance against her if we get caught out by her. Ramua thinks she can take her though, Garoben too.”

“Ramua specializes in Time Magic; she might stand a chance, is she up to anything?”

Murid let out a contemplative hum. “Not that I know of, do you have an idea?”

If Thetis had a mouth in her youma-form, she’d be smiling. “As a matter of fact, I do!”

With that, Thetis dissipated into a mist and vanished, leaving Murid alone in the room. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Murid gazed down at her apple, and then looked up at the ceiling of the room.

“Sailor Moon is pretty strong,” she said aloud to herself, before she really got to thinking.


We return to the present, and Jadeite as he peered out the window of the Gym Shapely and out at the line of women waiting to get in. He pulled a bit of a smirk as he watched the envy on their faces as they saw others, dangerously thin; stroll past on their way out with the illusion of beauty radiating from them. These women, so pathetically vain and obsessed with their self-image, each and every one of them deserved to be drained bone-dry. He checked his watch.

“The current batch should be done in a bit; it’s time to get this show on the road,” he said to himself.

He left the window and exited his office, before making his way down the stairs for the gym’s entrance. In the last three days, he’d not only met Flau’s quota, but made up for Morga’s loss too. Beryl was pleased, but rather than leave it at that she simply raised the ceiling of his quota. So long as there were no hitches, he was confident that he could make that mark in no time.

At the bottom of the stairs, he was greeted by a human personal trainer, brainwashed like the others in the gym to do his bidding. Also like the others, they were at the peak of human ability, to serve both as his security and potential shields against the likes of Sailor Moon.

“Boss, the most recent set of clients have finished their session in the Shape Ray, we are ready to let in the next group,” the trainer reported.

“Let them in, and reset the devices.”

The personal trainer nodded and headed for the door as Jadeite mentally recited his introduction to his clients. Not a second after a group of five disturbingly thin women passed him on their way out, the doors open and the fresh crop of victims walked in. “Welcome to Gym Shapely, ladies. I am the manager Jyou.”

He smiled to all of them. “I hope you all are ready to get thin and fabulous!”

“Yes Jyou-san!” all of the girls except one called back cheerfully. Naru, among the crowd, turned to that silent girl.

“Wow, he’s so hot.” Naru stopped when she saw the look of anger on Usagi’s face. Was that anger, or was it constipation, she couldn’t tell, she never actually saw Usagi righteously angry. “Uh, Usagi…?”

The rage encompassing Usagi’s thoughts raised the air temperature around her. Who in Amaterasu’s golden glorious visage does he think he is?!

Naru stared as Usagi began to hyperventilate, and quickly offered her a paper bag. “Use this, what’s wrong?”

After taking a few deep breaths into the bag, Usagi calmed down and then shook her head. “I am angry, forget their special treatment let’s hit the exercise equipment, now.”

“Ah? But don’t you want to check it out?” Naru asked as Usagi turned and made a B-Line for the exercise equipment, away from the other girls. Naru followed, but rather than anyone complain, the trainers let two more in to take their place and Jyou led the group off.

“I don’t need to. I already know exactly what this is.”


Nearby the Game Center Crown, Luna walked along, still laughing to herself. It was the reason she had to leave; her incessant giggling had alerted and freaked out her mother so out of respect to the woman and the need to preserve her cover she quickly made an escape.

“If only I could let her in on it all, I bet she’d be fine with it too, she seems so easy going… she’s a lot like Usagi, just less… insane I guess?” Luna mused.

If only she could, then she could learn some embarrassing stories about Usagi to use against her when she got uppity. Maybe she could use her human form and strike up a conversation? No, that takes up too much power for her to use for very long. Perhaps she could contact them via the internet? Yes, that actually had a bit of merit to it, the moment she could find a computer and some privacy to use it, she’d do just that.

It’s been a while since I checked my portfolio, and I can catch up with Artemis. She stopped and looked up when she heard a jingle, and laid eyes on the owner of the Game Center Crown as he emerged to sweep the front of the store. Oh my…

Hearing a soft chirrup that trailed into a short meow, Motoki Furuhata gave a mild start and looked down. “Oh, it’s a kitty cat.”

Smiling, he knelt down as Luna stared up at him hesitantly and let out an uneasy meow. “Don’t be scared little lady, I’m not going to hurt you.”

Luna stared at the easy-going blonde, startled by his good looks and enticingly gentle presence and scent. She wanted to curl up on his lap and let him pet her for hours!

She meowed at him and purred loudly as he began to pet the top of her head, before looking past him and into the store. He was loaded as well! Computers and Wi-Fi! Dare Luna say it, but she was in love!

“My, you’re a really friendly one, are you hungry?”

At that, Luna perked up. Free food and internet, this was a dream come true! Oh you know how to get straight into a girl’s heart, don’t you?

“Come right this way then,” Motoki said as he opened the door for Luna, and she happily padded inside. The Game Center Crown was mostly empty, a slow day given the time of the year. That young man that Usagi hated was here, along with her younger brother, they were playing some sort of Step Game that involved ninjas.

Mamoru looked over from watching Shingo rush through the arcade game’s highest difficulty setting, sweating bullets with every movement that could be his last. “Hey Motoki, you get a new girlfriend?”

Laughing, Motoki looked down at Luna, who was a step behind him and meowing eagerly for some food. “I happened upon the little lady while I was about to sweep, she looked a little hungry so I thought why not?”

“It’s weird how animals seem to flock to you. Maybe I should call you Snow White.” Mamoru said, eliciting a laugh from Motoki, before Shingo let out a frustrated groan. “Ah? You died again?”

“It’s that stupid third set of maneuvers,” Shingo grumbled before he loaded in a few more yen.

Mamoru nodded. “Well, keep working until you get it right, you won’t get second chances doing the real thing.”

“I know…” Shingo muttered before he shot into action on the game. Hopping on a table as Motoki went upstairs for something for her, Luna turned her attention to one of the computers in the gaming café, two neat little rows of them waiting for her to pick.

The one in the middle on the right will do. She padded over to mark it with an innocent pat of her paw and a nuzzling. She would come back later tonight, and then she could get to work.


Running on a treadmill, Naru watched as Usagi did the same on the machine adjacent to hers, at a much higher pace than her own. There were no personal trainers around, granting her and Usagi freedom to talk among themselves. “So wait, he’s the same guy?”

Usagi nodded, as she looked down at the display showing her progress. “I’m certain of it, same eyes, same hair, same face…”

“… Same overwhelming desire to bang him?” Naru teased.

“Yeah that too, why are all the evil ones gorgeous Naru-chan?” Usagi lamented, sparking a giggle from Naru.

With the cessation of their exercise run, the two headed to the gym’s weight training area, with Naru picking up some modest two-kilo weights and began working on them, while Usagi laid down on the bench press after setting up a total of fifty kilos.

“So what’s the plan now?” Naru asked while she watched Usagi begin performing reps effortlessly. It never ceased to amaze her how strong Usagi was.

Usagi let out a snort. “A simple one, I’m not even going to bother with facing him head on.”

Naru stared, watching her pump iron with a dangerously focused expression–Usagi was up to something. “What are you planning, Usagi-chan?”

“A little something the Americans like to call ‘Shock and Awe,’ babe.”

Well, that wasn’t ominous at all.

Following their weight escapade, Naru was holding steady a punching bag as Usagi laid into it with various punches and kicks–her long tails waving about wildly behind her as she bobbed and weaved before delivering her strikes.

“By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask about these bad guys. What if there are more bad guys than him and each one is worse than the one before?”

Usagi punched the bag especially hard, and Naru shook from the impact. “Well, that depends. If I’m a credible threat and they were smart, they’d attack me all at once with their best before I became a problem they couldn’t handle.”

She punched the bag again. “I’ve gone out of my way to display my credibility and this joker’s idea for a new disguise is a Unit-01 colors sweat-suit and a pair of stupid glasses. I’m fairly certain these guys are morons.”

“Then why aren’t you destroying their operation now?” Naru asked.

“Two reasons, this gym is packed full of people and I feel insulted at this guy’s lack of intelligence and slash or respect for his opponent.” Usagi punched the bag especially hard, and with a loud “Oof” Naru spilled onto the floor. “Oh, I’m sorry!”

Naru just looked up and laughed. “I felt that in my boob, Usagi! You punch too hard.”

Usagi smirked. “Now Naru-chan that was only a weak punch, this is a hard punch!” She punched the punching bag with considerably more force, and her fist tore through the sand-filled bag and wound up halfway embedded inside. “See?”

“Are you sure that’s a third-rate dojo you go to?” Naru asked.

One swift scene change later, and both girls were in the gym’s sauna. Naru was wearing a modest, green towel, while Usagi had eschewed modesty entirely in the sauna. She was at the moment examining herself meticulously. “Hmm… I think I’m going to go up a size soon.”

“With all the working out you do? I’m surprised you’re not completely ripped like some disgusting muscle fetish girl,” Naru teased.

Usagi huffed at that. “I balance my physique very carefully, thank you very much! I need to stay in shape, but I also want gorgeous, sexy curves. That requires discipline, especially with my body still growing,” she lectured, as dreams of being a DD-cup danced in her eyes.

“You know, I heard sex helps with that.”

“That’s not true, constant stimulation is said to, though.”

“Oh is that so? Maybe I should massage them for you?”

Usagi playfully giggleded, before she let relaxed and let out a low purr. “Oh my… I did not think you would be so direct, Na-ru-chan~!”

Her flirting thrown back in her face, Naru flushed, her face red in embarrassment.

With victory assured, Usagi glanced back at Naru and smirked. “I had no idea your feelings were so strong, you must barely contain them!”

Naru’s blush remained as she let out a laugh. “You wish.”

She very, very quickly changed the subject. “Do you think there are more magical girls like you out there to help you if there are more bad guys?”

“I’m certain of it; I mean Sailor V is a dead giveaway, but I’ve no way of contacting her, so… you know.”

“Yeah…” Naru looked at her fingers. “I’m beginning to prune, let’s get out of here.”

“Oh? Are you sure you just want to leave because you can’t control yourself anymore?” Usagi emphatically ran her hands over her herself as she gave Naru a suggestive smile.

Naru huffed and looked away, her face reddening. “You’re so shameless!”

Usagi laughed and picked up her towel. “You love me for it, though. Let’s get out of here.”

In minutes, the two were dressed and on their way towards the doors and the crowds still waiting to get outside. Jyou was happily greeting more customers, his routine in full effect. Naru looked to Usagi. “So what is ‘Shock and Awe’ then, and how much property damage are you going to inflict?”

As they neared the crowd, Usagi casually reached over and pulled the of the gym’s convenient fire alarms, sending a shrill siren ripping through the gym and the crowds into a panic.

Surprised by the noise and lights, Jyou and his trainers went to work quickly organizing the scene and rushing the gym’s visitors to the emergency exits. Amid the chaos, Usagi and Naru left the crowds and walked to the opposite side of the street the gym was located on.

It took less than thirty seconds to get everyone, including trainers and those who had been in the Shape Ray, to clear the building and escape down the street on either side to the corners.

Naru looked over to Usagi, who observed the evacuation procedure with great scrutiny. “Usagi…?”

Satisfied, Usagi turned and walked away. “I’m doing it tomorrow. I’m going to need your help for it Naru-chan, big time.”

Looking from the gym and back to Usagi, Naru nodded before hefting her gym bag and following.


As Usagi laid in bed and mulled over tomorrow’s battle, Luna was at the closed Game Center Crown, perched in front of the only lit computer in the rows of machines that sat silent in the dark. Her forehead glowing, she manipulated the cursor on the screen with mere thought and the keyboard in front of her the same way.

“Everyone has some sort of social media page these days, it should not be too hard to find Usagi’s mother,” she murmured, “Ah, perhaps she’s on Twitter?”

As she began searching Twitter, she checked her email. Luna was a master of multitask. There was one new message, and it was from Artemis! “Oh thank goodness he’s finally gotten back to me.”

She opened the email, and mumbled its contents to herself aloud. “Finished eliminating Dark Kingdom elements in Brazil with Minako, on our way to… Ministry of Magic… Interpol… Nazi Vampires…?! My goodness Artemis what have you gotten yourself into with that girl?!”

There was more information however, that troubled her. The Dark Kingdom’s activity was far more extensive than expected, with all sorts of wicked elements working for them in the Americas and Europe. While Artemis and Sailor V were adept at dismantling these operations, their extent said it all.

“They’ve been doing this for years. There’s no telling how much energy they’ve collected by this point,” Luna realized aloud.

Since the world wasn’t ending, it was safe to assume that it was not enough. Still, it made Luna glad Usagi was so aggressive. “Still, we’ll have to begin gathering the other Senshi together soon.”

She quickly began rattling off an email to Artemis, narrating as she wrote. “Artemis, hurry with your mission in England. I’m going to try to find the other Senshi here.”

With that email sent, she turned to finding out more about Usagi’s family in general, particularly Ikuko.

It didn’t take her long to find something related to her.

Or for the Mau equivalent of a blush to spread across her face.

“O-oh… oh my…”


The next evening as the sun was setting on the Tokyo Metropolitan area, Naru met with Usagi in front of a closed construction project–a skyscraper in the process of soaring towards the sky. She was already transformed into Sailor Moon, and had an ungloved finger extended towards the sky, checking the wind conditions. Luna hopped from Naru’s shoulder to the wooden fence keeping the latter out of the construction site.

“Sailor Moon, what is your plan?” she asked before Sailor Moon lowered her arm.

“I’m going to smash it up, but I don’t want casualties. So I need you to get everyone out of there before I attack.” Sailor Moon looked to Naru, who quickly understood.

“You want me to pull the fire alarm, don’t you?”

Sailor Moon nodded as she pulled on her glove. “When you do and everyone’s out, I want you to get out of there and use this.”

She tossed Naru a cell phone. “Hit one and it’ll call mine.” She held up one of her own for emphasis. “That’s when I’ll strike.”

Naru nodded. “What if I get caught, though?”

Sailor Moon nodded at that very real concern and tossed something else to her, much to Luna and Naru’s surprise as the latter caught the Disguise Pen.

Luna turned to Sailor Moon. “But she can’t use the Disguise Pen!”

Sailor Moon looked from Naru to Luna. “Why not?”

Luna opened her mouth to answer, and then stopped. “Actually… I don’t know if it will work for someone other than a Senshi.”

She looked to Naru. “Give it a try, Naru-chan!”

Holding the pen in her hands, Naru stared in awe at the glittering jewel that sat at its end before looking back up to Sailor Moon. “A-are you sure?”

Sailor Moon nodded. “I trust you with my identity, life, and with the lives of the people we’re fighting to save. So of course I can trust you with that. Besides, it will keep you safe and that is what’s most important to me.”

“Sailor Moon,” Naru whispered; those words had moved her deeply. She clutched the pen tightly and nodded as she smiled big. “I won’t let you down, just watch!”

She thrust the pen up into the air and called out. “Moon Power, change me into a pretty self-defense master!”

The red to white flash that followed grew from the pen and enveloped Naru, leaving in her place a young woman a little taller than Naru with long black hair, amber eyes, and dressed in a navy blue track suit that hugged her curvy frame just right. Both Sailor Moon and Luna stared at the new Naru, impressed by how good the transformation looked. Naru looked down at herself, and let out a gasp of awe.

She looked up at Sailor Moon. “Sailor Moon, this… this is awesome!”

“I know, right?” Sailor Moon asked. “Quick, quick, quick what’s your alias’s name she needs one!”

Naru hummed, and then snapped her fingers. “Shino! I was always partial to that name for some reason, how’s that?”

“It sounds good to me.”

“Shino it is!” Naru declared before throwing some punches and then performing a high kick to test out her new martial arts prowess. “Ha… I think I could get used to this.”

Luna was impressed. “It may not be another Sailor Senshi, but this is superb!” She looked to Sailor Moon. “Good thinking, Sailor Moon!”

“Naturally! Now go with Shino-chan, Luna. Help her if she gets into trouble.”

Luna nodded. “I’ll keep her safe!”

Sailor Moon smiled, and nodded as Luna hopped off. Together, she and “Shino” rushed off into the encroaching night and for Gym Shapely. As soon as they were both gone, Sailor Moon looked to her right from the crane and towards the pile of I-Beams that sat next to it, destined to become part of the building’s skeleton.

“Okay, here we go,” she said as she began a countdown in her head.


Jadeite was not happy after yesterday’s little fire alarm prank. Because of it and the sheer volume of people they had going through the doors, the gym had to be closed for the rest of the day while the cause for alarm was investigated. In the end, it had been just a false-alarm, precious business and energy lost because some asshole decided to be an asshole!

Worse still the scare hit into the crowds today, which were not even at half from yesterday, despite assurances to the media.

“Typical, one thing goes wrong and all of a sudden it’s a deathtrap,” Jadeite muttered as he surveyed the smaller crowd from his office window. If he ever got his hands on the prankster who did this, they would regret it. With a huff, he headed down to check if there’d been new business.

For Luna, for any Mau, stealth was an instinct and not a skill, so getting past the crowds of people in the gym was a cakewalk. She had gone ahead of Shino, hoping to do some reconnaissance, and wanted to find Jadeite before Sailor Moon arrived. Reaching the stairwell that led to the Shape Ray, she peered around before venturing down it and into the basement of the gym. There, she found a rather clean and orderly facility, with six long tanning-beds set up in the room. They were all currently empty.

This is the Shape Ray? I was expecting something a little more explicitly evil…

She could hear someone coming, and quickly darted under one of the beds. It was Jadeite, hands in his pockets and looking pensive about business today. Seeing the empty Shape Ray terminals didn’t improve his mood. “I hope tomorrow will be better.”

Luna watched Jadeite’s feet as he walked past her hiding spot. She then went perfectly still when she heard a rush of water and witnessed a waterspout materialize on the floor in front of where Jadeite was standing.

Jadeite stepped back in surprise. “Thetis, you’re on your feet.”

“Murid didn’t tell you?” she asked as she assumed her human disguise. “I guess she wanted it to be a surprise.”

Jadeite looked around for signs of eavesdroppers, before he tightly hugged Thetis, surprising her.

“J-Jadeite…”

“I’m just glad you’re okay…” He pulled back. “You shouldn’t be here though, if Sailor Moon shows up and you get hurt, Queen Beryl will have my head.”

Luna’s eyes shot wide. Beryl?!

Thetis let out a brief laugh. “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her, which is why you should cut and run while you’re ahead.”

Jadeite snorted. “I can’t, not until Morga and Flau’s lost quotas are met. If I can have one more day, maybe two, I can meet it and be all right.”

Thetis rested a hand on Jadeite’s shoulder. “I just don’t want you to run yourself ragged doing the work for two youma on your own. You’re still in bad shape from Sailor Moon; your face hasn’t even healed properly.”

Reaching up, she ran her fingers over the white scar that now crossed the bridge of his nose, and then caressed his face.

He turned away from her. “I’m not letting it heal… not until I get her back for what she’s done.”

“So you want her to come after you?”

Jadeite tensed, before he slowly nodded. “I won’t lose next time.”

Thetis embraced him again, smiling warmly as she brought her face close to his. “Now I see why youma line up to work for you.”

He didn’t pull away this time, his hands resting on the disguised youma’s hips. “You get things done more efficiently if you give a damn about the people work for you.”

“I wish I was one of yours,” Thetis admitted in a soft voice.

“You are mine,” Jadeite replied, making the youma blush heavily.

“Jadeite…”

Luna peered from under the tanning bed and up at them. The romantic in the Mau couldn’t help but be touched by the intimacy shared between the two of them–despite their being evil.

“Hello? Is there anyone who can help me?”

Jadeite and Thetis had been an inch away from kissing, when the voice called from upstairs. They both looked towards them, before back to one another.

“You should go,” Jadeite whispered.

Thetis nodded before she quietly disappeared–mouthing “We will resume this later” to him with a smile as she vanished.

Going the bottom of the stairs, he looked up and saw Shino staring down them. “Can I help you?”

Shino stared at Jadeite, and agreed with Usagi’s lamentation that it was always the gorgeous ones who were evil. She put on a demure smile. “Oh, yes… I was perhaps wondering if you could show me to the Shape Ray.”

Luna sighed silently in relief, as Jadeite smiled and gestured to Shino. “Please come right down, I’d be happy to show you.”

“Okay. I was curious about how it worked.” And with that Shino came down the stairs, smiling warmly to Jadeite as he led her to one of the tables.

Glancing past him briefly to Luna as he explained the process, Shino winked when he looked away from her and Luna wasted no time–darting up the stairs and straight for the doors of Gym Shapely.

“… And when you’re done the excess fat is converted to energy and removed, not only lowering your weight but giving you an added burst of energy to continue your day. It’s extraordinarily effective wouldn’t you agree?” Jadeite finished explaining to Shino as she examined the bed she was about to climb into.

“That’s all so much over my head,” Shino replied, and that was the entire point, “It sounds so… science fiction.”

She turned to him. “And it’s perfectly safe?”

Jadeite rested his hand on the tanning bed and patted it. “It’s most certainly safe, I assure you. I tested it on myself after all.”

He paused when Shino embraced him from behind, pressing her breasts into his back. “Excuse me, Miss?”

She was feeling him up, from his flat stomach to his chest. “It’s certainly done a good job, Jyou-san.”

Jadeite looked back, what was this woman doing? “Excuse me, Miss but this is harassment.”

Shino looked up at him, her eyes gleaming. “Yes, and this is assault.”

She grabbed Jadeite by the back of the head and slammed his face onto the raised hatch of the bed, before she shoved him onto it and closed the hatch down on him. Turning it up to full power so it would drain the most out of him, Shino cackled and bolted up the stairs, yanking down the fire alarm as she went.

“He’s all yours Sailor Moon, gift-wrapped for your enjoyment,” she said under her breath as she rushed out the door, speed-dialing Sailor Moon.


Across the street Luna shook was tense with excitement as the patrons of Gym Shapely began evacuating. There was no way it was going to be this easy, was it? As with before, the crowds quickly crossed the street and clear of the building to avoid interfering with the en route fire department. Shino was out before any of them, sprinting across the street and ducking down behind a car to abandon her disguise discreetly.

“Naru, you did it!” Luna said, more in disbelief than anything else. Naru was panting in excitement but otherwise unharmed as she looked up to the cat. She had shoved him, a bad guy, into his own trap and got away! And she had gotten away scot-free to safety! It was, without a doubt the biggest rush of her life.

“Oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my God!” she chanted before she let out a squeal. “Luna! I did it! I knocked that Jade Eyes guy into his Shape Ray!”

Luna’s tail rose up in approval. “Excellent job!”

She looked around. “Now where is Sailor Moon?”

Naru looked towards the direction they left Sailor Moon, beyond the buildings on their side of the street. Atop the construction site, with Gym Shapely in her sights, the cell phone on Sailor Moon’s belt had rung and she smiled big as she hefted up into the air straight up a single I-beam. “Ha…!”

She tossed it up, and then caught in both hands to lift it as one would a giant javelin. “Excellent job Naru-chan, I’ll take it from here!”

Rearing back with the makeshift weapon, she took precise aim at Gym Shapely, a targeting reticule in her mind’s eye drifting over it before locking on and giving her a steady tone to signal firing. Letting out a loud yell, she threw the I-Beam with all her might, and sent it hurtling towards the gym like a missile.

On the street, a whistling sound that quickly began to build up caught Luna’s ears, then Naru’s. “Wait, what is that sound?”

Inside Gym Shapely, Jadeite managed to blast the top of his bed with the remaining energy he had left, and stood up. “That woman, what was that for?!”

He then heard the fire alarm and looked up the stairs. “That prankster again, she’s dead!”

At that instant, the I-Beam plowed through Gym Shapely with all the terrible might of a Kinetic Energy Penetrator–smashing through the walls and floor of the gym and plowing straight for Jadeite. His eyes widening in horror, he teleported purely on instinct as the I-Beam destroyed the tables and triggering an explosion as the beds and the energy they stored was released.

Naru’s jaw fell, as did Luna’s and the entire crowd went fleeing in terror as the building began to come apart, the sheer force of the impact and the explosion underneath completely bringing it down as if in a controlled implosion.

“Sailor Moon…” Naru gasped.

Luna just buried her face in a paw.

On the nearby rooftop he had teleported to Jadeite was horrified, as the energy exited the collapsing ruins in a blue, ethereal flame, and began to dissipate into the sky. Thetis appeared suddenly at his side, stopping and staring in disbelief.

“Jadeite, what happened?!” she asked, before she sensed a presence behind them.

She looked back, and her eyes widened “Jadeite…”

Jadeite slowly turned around at her frightened tone. Sure enough, he found Sailor Moon staring at them, her arms folded across her chest, the light of the unnatural flame casting an eerie reflection off her jewelry and eyes.

He clenched his teeth and clenched his fist. “Sailor Moon…!”

Sailor Moon only smirked, as rather than fight, both he and Thetis cut their losses immediately and vanished into thin air. Walking to the roof’s edge, Sailor Moon let out a satisfied hum as she stared at Gym Shapely and the fire that consumed it.


“Well… today was a win all around,” Luna said as she paced back and forth on the end of the bed later that evening, “We foiled their plot and released the tremendous amount of energy they were collecting, gained valuable intelligence on our enemy, and not a single person was hurt.”

Naru was sitting on the bed, stifling a giggle as Usagi held a hand over her own face. Luna raised a paw, and flexed her claws open and shut. “Still… a billion yen in property damage, Usagi-chan?”

Usagi lowered her hand, revealing a roadmap of crisscrossing cat scratches. “I said I was going to smash it up! What part didn’t you understand?!”

Naru didn’t bother stifling her laughter this time. “Especially if doing that kind of damage hurts them financially.”

“Well money doesn’t mean a thing,” Luna replied, “Financial losses like these are negligible at best. Bear in mind, this is an enemy as old as the Moon Kingdom.”

“So this Beryl chick you mentioned, how bad is she?” Usagi asked.

Luna folded her ears back at the very mention of the name. “You’re looking at the sole person responsible for the fall of an entire civilization.”

“So she’s the woman who sold the world?” Naru asked.

Usagi snapped her fingers. “Nirvana, right?”

Luna glared and lifted up a paw threateningly. “Bowie.”

Usagi backed away from Luna, who turned her nose up at her. “Testy… sheesh…”

Hopping from the bed, Luna went to the window and hopped onto the sill. Staring out at the night sky, she sighed before looking back to Usagi. “Still, Usagi, keep this up and we’ll win. Just don’t destroy the world in the process, all right?”

Usagi smiled. “Thank you, Luna.”

“You don’t have to worry about that, I’ll keep Usagi in check,” the same Naru who aided and abetted in destroying over a billion yen in property said happily. If she could smile, Luna would. Turning back around, she hopped out onto a tree branch.

“I’m going to hunt for some dinner, good job Usagi-chan,” And with that she was gone.

Usagi immediately let out a long sigh and lay on her back with her arms spread out across the bed.

“Seriously Naru, you pulled that off perfectly,” she congratulated her friend before looking at her. She was holding the Disguise Pen again.

Naru looked over to Usagi and set the pen aside. “Thank you for your praise, but I have a question Usagi-chan. At what point were you going to tell me that you intended to throw an I-Beam at the gym?”

Usagi blinked. “Ah? What do you mean?”

“I mean, what if I had gotten in trouble, and called you… and you still threw the I-Beam?” Naru asked in a saccharine tone.

At that, Usagi let out a hum. “Well, I suppose I didn’t think of that. But hey, it didn’t happen so I guess it worked out in the end-”

“No Usagi-chan,” Naru said, growing a little more serious, “You can gamble with my life, but not like that. Just like you, I trust you with my life and I know you were confident I’d be fine. But when I think about how it could’ve gone wrong… it scares me.”

Usagi frowned, and bowed her head. “Oh man… I’m sorry, Naru-chan.”

“Usagi…” Naru’s smile returned as she took Usagi’s hands into her own. “…I’m not mad, okay? Just put a little more thought into things like these when you do them. Okay? And communicate with me, I really appreciate that.”

“Oh Naru-chan… can you ever forgive me?” Usagi closed her eyes and smiled back, in usual happy fashion.

Then she felt metal close around her wrists and the familiar ratcheting of the closing mechanism.

Opening her eyes, she stared at the handcuffs on her wrists. “… Where did you get these handcuffs from?”

“Your mom,” Naru replied before she shoved Usagi onto her back and raised the Disguise Pen, “I’ll forgive you when I’ve punished you properly.”

Naru’s smile gained an entirely different character, becoming almost sinister as she raised the Disguise Pen above her head. In a flash of light, she transformed, becoming a handsome male counterpart to her usual appearance.

Looking down at the handcuffs, and then up to the male Naru’s almost-sinister smile, Usagi gulped. “You’re not going to contain yourself anymore tonight, are you?”

Naru’s smile grew. “Yep.”

Usagi could probably resist, or something, but she was a young lady who took her punishment for any shortcoming with her head held high and a smile on her face. “… Be gentle, okay?”

She wasn’t, but Usagi was fine with that.


The television screen showed the remains of Gym Shapely, now a smoldering ruin. “One point seven billion yen in damage done to the newly reopened Gym Shapely, caused reportedly by am I-Beam hurled through the front of the store at incredible velocity. While no one was injured in the blast, the owner of the Gym has been missing since its destruction. The story only becomes stranger, when tumors of what went on at Gym Shapely begin to surface–a miraculous weight loss device that seemed to be the target of the attack.”

The short-haired woman smirked as she watched the news report. “Weight loss by converting body fat into energy for whoever wanted it, that’s very clever.”

“Some witnesses reported seeing Sailor Moon in the vicinity of the attack, which only raises more questions about her mission, and the lengths she’s willing to go to achieve it. While many, such as Hakushi of ‘The Depths of Strange’, are certain that she had a good and just reason to destroy the Gym, many of its patrons–especially those denied a chance to use the Shape Ray, cannot help but express anger at Sailor Moon for depriving them of-”

Changing the channel to Kamen Raider, the woman leaned back and smirked.

“I think for now,” she said as Kamen Raider lifted a truck over his head and hurled it through the enemy’s base, “I’ll consider you a God, Sailor Moon.”


Usagi: A person's image is only as good as how a person sees themself. If you cannot like the you that you are, no one else will!

Naru: So take care of yourself, not to impress others, but to impress yourself. That means good hygiene...

Usagi: ...Good studying...

Naru: ...Good behavior...

Usagi: ...And lots of exercise. If you can't do it alone, take a friend with you to be your support and to give support in return, it makes all the difference! The key to a pure body, is a pure spirit, that is what Kamen Raider has taught me!

Usagi/Naru: Sailor Moon says, tee hee!

 

[Deleted member 5249]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

hmm why Shino out of all names?

 

[The Ero-Sennin]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

It's a Voice Actress joke.

 

[DrTempo]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Nice one, Ero-Sennin san! That was a good one!

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

And thus "Naru-kun" begins "his" reign of erotic terror.

 

[Prince Charon]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Interesting, that.

 

[FourthWall]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

ôSo sheÆs the woman who sold the world?ö Naru asked.

Usagi snapped her fingers. ôCobain?ö

Luna hissed. ôBOWIE!ö

I approve of this like Kotaro Taiga.

 

[Da-Guru]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

What a wonderful XMas present Ero-Sennin! I absolutely love it!

I could positively kiss you right now. ^_^

 

[ascote]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

First time in 4 years I click in this section. Worth it.

 

[The Ero-Sennin]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Disclaimer: I do not apologize for being a shitty writer; I just blame others for my shortcomings.

Beautiful Destroyer Sailor Moon
Usagi Teaches a Lesson: Don’t be Stupid

Or Usagi will hurt you.

[5.]


Breakfast at the Tsukino table was incredibly awkward that morning. Usagi’s brother, her father, even her flighty mother couldn’t help but give the two starving young women at their table looks that ranged from morbidly curious to horror beyond comprehension. It wasn’t because of the volume of food both girls were packing away, which was a rarity for Naru, but what had clearly led up to it. The walls of the Tsukino home, while thicker than one would expect of a Japanese home, did nothing to muffle the loud, rough, and kinky sex that came from Usagi’s room the night before.

“Mm… I love western style breakfast! They’re so filling!” Naru admitted cheerfully as she poured herself some more orange juice, they had gone through quite a bit of it.

“Pass me the syrup, Naru-chan,” Usagi requested, and she happily received it before pouring it on her pancakes. “Thanks!”

Kenji silently wept as he tried to figure out where he went wrong, while Ikuko graciously accepted Naru’s praise–even she was unsure how to take her daughter’s sudden, bizarre, and violent (very violent, given the racket) sexual awakening.

Shingo wished that he could die. His room was directly next to Usagi’s and by either design or God’s cruel intention the walls were thinnest between their rooms and he heard everything that went on for well over two hours in Usagi’s.

The only person more mortified than any of them wasn’t in the room, and wasn’t even human. Luna had come back in on the hour and twelve minute mark of Naru and Usagi’s happy fun-times and witnessed something that could only be described as physically impossible without years, and years of stretching and promptly left again with her fur standing on end. She had not come back since. But when she returned, she was going to let Usagi have it, with all the violence in the world that she could bring to bear.

And no, she would not like it, at all.

“Oh man I am stuffed!” Usagi said after a very loud and pleased belch.

“I bet you were–are.” Ikuko blushed under the glare her husband gave her.

Usagi got up. “Quick Naru-chan, we’re gonna be late for school!”

Getting up, Usagi removed the pillow she’d been sitting on from under her and limped for the front door, while Naru followed with a spring in her step. As she slipped her feet into her shoes, Usagi called back. “Breakfast was great, bye Mom I love you!”

“Love you too, Usagi-chan…” Ikuko waved with cheer regardless of the awkwardness.

Both girls left and silence fell upon the remaining Tsukino Family. Hit by inspiration, Kenji ceased his weeping and sat up in his chair before looking to his son, to his brave, noble, and willing to take one for the team son. “Shingo, my son, it is time for you to become a man.”

Shingo snapped out of his despair-induced stupor. “What?”

“Become Naru’s boyfriend; seduce her away from Usagi, by any and all means necessary,” He commanded.

Shingo laughed, loudly- “No.”

“I am your Father and you will do this!” Kenji roared, in a vain, vain attempt to assert himself.

“Dear, it’s not that serious. I’m fairly sure it was just them experimenting,” his wife tried to reason.

Kenji turned to his beloved Ikuko. “Did you hear any of that? That was no mere experimentation. That… that was…” He stopped when Ikuko suddenly gave him an unusually smug look.

“… Familiar?” She asked with a smile.

Kenji whirled upon Shingo. “I will raise your allowance. Twice what I pay you!”

“No! Five times, Naru is a freak!” Shingo shot back.

“So is your mother but we’re happy!” Kenji let slip.

A piece of him screamed internally and died. “Oh my God, the mental image is in my head.”

“We’ll give you five times your allowance,” Ikuko offered in an effort to end this before her son suffered any permanent psychological trauma and became a serial killer or worse, Governor of Tokyo.

Kenji raised his hand. “No. No, Shingo, we will pay you three times your allowance, and I will not tell you about the night you were conceived.”

Ikuko almost immediately turned on her son. She was saving money for a vacation, after all. “Oh! You mean the night we went to that swinger’s party, got really drunk and…”

“THREE TIMES IS FINE!” Shingo screamed.

Money was paid, parents were happy, and Shingo stopped by the store on his way to school to invest in some high quality noise-canceling headphones with his bribe. Just for this morning, he wasn’t going to get in the way of Naru and Usagi’s new pastime.

Meanwhile, with Usagi…

“YOU PERVERTED, TWISTED, DEVIANT GIRL, I’LL KILL YOU!” Luna screamed as she dropped from a tree and onto Usagi’s face like the furriest, cutest sentient blender that ever attacked a human being.


Mikan Shiratori, idol singer, model, voice actress, all around sweet girl and kind-hearted soul, was feeling down lately. Her precious little sister had met an unfortunate manhandling at the hands of a terrible tomboy in the Nerima Ward, and it had actually ignited a scandal! Now Martial Arts Figure Skating was banned and her poor little sister’s boyfriend was undergoing painful physical therapy. With the Cinderella Caravan in full force, she couldn’t even find time to visit her, and that was the worst thing of all. Still, the competition was almost over, and when it was she’d be able to do more than just talk to her sister over the phone.

“Just one more contest then a whole month to us, Azusa-chan,” she said to herself as she brushed her hair in the mirror of her dressing room.

There was a knock at her door, prompting Mikan to rise and walk over to the door. “Yes, who is it?”

She opened the door, and found herself face to face with a mostly bald, blue colored youma who smiled at her. “What’s up?”

Mikan didn’t have a chance to even scream. A few moments later, Jadeite appeared in the room and surveyed Derella’s handiwork. She had already taken the form of the now petrified idol singer, who had been stashed behind a privacy blind, and was brushing out her hair as her victim had been a moment before. “Good, you didn’t cause a commotion.”

“I’m not stupid, Jadeite,” Derella caustically snapped back.

He grimaced, Derella was a bit new, a transfer from Zoisite’s group, and understandably bore the hallmark of his attitude. Oh how he disliked Zoisite.

“Just remember what we discussed. Don’t go overboard, don’t hurt anyone, and more importantly, if you run into Sailor Moon, do not fight her,” Jadeite firmly reminded her.

Of course this only seemed to incense Derella further. “Why do you act like I didn’t hear what happened the last few times you crossed paths with that bitch? I have an idea, why don’t you back off and let me work? I’ve got this.”

Oh, how he disliked Zoisite. No discipline among any of his youma. Pulling a smirk, Jadeite folded his arms. “Just be sure not to be late coming home from the ball, Princess.”

Derella twitched and immediately threw her brush at Jadeite, who vanished from its path. Sneering, she got up and retrieved it before resuming vigorously brushing her hair. For all she cared, that asshole could have a fatal experiment with autoerotic asphyxiation. “Forget him, it’s not my fault he’s a total weakling.”

The show was set for seven o’clock, plenty of time to have a bit of fun ruining this preppy idol bitch’s career while making up for Jadeite’s incompetence.


“Why is it that I was the one who got plowed stupid last night, but Luna didn’t attack you?” Usagi asked as she and Naru sat on a bed in the nurse’s office, the latter applying cotton swabs of peroxide on the roadmap of scratches all over Usagi’s face. Luna had gone quite nuts, but at least left with good news when they were done: she had gotten a fix on what could be another Sailor Senshi, and was investigating it.

“The Disguise Pen is yours and you did let me abuse it.” Naru explained as she finished with the peroxide and began to apply gauze to cover up the scratches. “Besides, you’re way tougher than me.”

Usagi conceded to that, but she still didn’t like that her face got mauled. Still, Luna was within her right to react as she did. “I wonder who the possible Senshi she found is.”

“Probably somebody we don’t know, if Luna didn’t elaborate beyond that she found her.” Naru chuckled. “Or maybe she didn’t tell us because we’d traumatize her.”

Offended by the notion, Usagi huffed. “Traumatize? What on Earth would give Luna the idea that we’d traumatize her? Oh! Maybe she’s Sailor Earth!”

“Maybe…” Naru then took Usagi’s hands, and she didn’t seem to notice. “Is it even a planet theme? Maybe it’s a Tarot Theme?”

“So, like Sailor Sun? No that sounds silly, or Sailor Death?”

Naru giggled. “Would that make Jotaro Sailor Star Platinum?”

Usagi imagined the renowned whale biologist and bizarre adventurer dressed in a Sailor Fuku, and broke into hysterical giggles. “Oh man, I so want to party with that guy!” She calmed down. “Whoever she, or he, or maybe even it is… I just hope they’ll be strong.”

“Oh, they will be.” Naru smiled to Usagi. “They have to be if they’re going to keep up with you, Usagi-chan.”

Usagi smiled herself, and then raised her hands to give Naru a hug. “Thank you Naru-chan-?” She looked at her hands, now bound in gauze. “Ah…?”

She was pushed onto her back, and suddenly she noticed the Nurse’s office was conspicuously vacant. Naru had crawled over her, and was wearing the same frisky expression that she wore last night. “Naru-chan…”

“We’re all alone… and I’ve always thought about doing it in school before. Like in those romance books of yours.”

Usagi’s smile returned and became coy. “Ah, naughty, naughty Naru-chan…”

Naru lightly slapped her cheek, eliciting a moan from her. “You made me naughty, Usagi-chan. Look how perverted you are, liking it when I slap you.”

Pouting at Naru, Usagi replied. “It’s because you hit me just right, Naru-chan.”

Naru cupped Usagi’s chin in a tight grip, licked her lips in anticipation, and leaned down to kiss her mouth off.

Their makeouts hadn’t even gotten sloppy, though, when the door opened and froze them solid. The sound of a book bag falling to the floor followed and both looked towards the blue-haired girl staring at the girls in shock.

“Oh, oh my God I am so sorry,” Ami Mizuno, her face painted a bright red, quickly said as she realized what she had walked in on. She gathered up her bag in a hurry. “P-pardon my intrusion, I’ll leave you two alone!”

Just like that she was gone, leaving Usagi and Naru bemused. Naru sat up, and stared at the door. “Was that… a new girl?”

“I haven’t seen her before.” Usagi tore off the gauze binding her hands and sat up as well. Seeing this, Naru pouted and whimpered.

“Oh come on, Naru-chan… you can have me during lunch. I’m still a little tender anyway.”

Naru beamed, and both girls quickly headed out after the new girl.


Luckily they didn’t have far to go, a bunch of boys were gathered outside of the classroom, trying to get a look in on the flustered new girl. Reaching the back of the crowd, Usagi placed her hands on her hips and huffed in annoyance. Among the crowd, information on the new girl was flitting about, giving an opportunity for both Naru and Usagi to pick up on it.

“So who is that girl?” A student asked.

“Take a deep breath, and try not to shit yourself but that is Ami Mizuno, the real deal,” Exposition-san, an unfortunately but aptly named student whispered,

Another student looked over in surprise. “The Ami Mizuno, the Goddess of Knowledge herself is in our school?”

“Goddess you say?” Usagi asked unnoticed.

Exposition-san nodded. “Rumor has it that she had been ejected from entrance tests for Mugen Academy, and because her mother wasn’t available to schedule a retest in time, she was forced to come to our lowly school because it was the closest.”

“Poor girl stuck having to come to the same school as that psychopath, Tsukino.” The lament prompted Usagi to rest her hand on the commentator’s shoulder. “Huh?”

“You know the old saying, speak of Cao Cao and Cao Cao arrives,” Usagi said in a chilling tone. The moment the boys realized Usagi was behind them, they scattered like rats caught in the open, allowing her and Naru to enter the class.

In the classroom, trying to ignore the crowds outside and the curious glances from her classmates, Ami was gazing silently out of the window and trying to get the image of what she saw in the nurse’s out of her head.

My first day of school here and I walk in on a couple of girls making out. That’s going to do me no favors; they were probably lovers in secret and they’ll try to silence me or something.

That just made Ami miserable. This is your fault Ryo Urawa; I will never forgive you for this.

The door was slammed open by Usagi and Naru, the former loudly proclaiming their arrival. “What up, bitches?”

Ami looked at Usagi, and went deliriously pale. OH GOD THEY’RE IN THE SAME CLASS AS ME!

Umino looked over. “Oh, hey Usagi, Naru, we got a new student in.”

“Oh, I know, she walked in on Naru and me experimenting in the nurse’s office.”

Naru would’ve admonished Usagi for outing them both so nonchalantly, if not for the look on Umino’s face being so utterly hilarious when what she said registered in his pubescent teenaged mind. He collapsed to the ground a second later, blood spraying from his nose. Usagi turned to Naru.

“What a Melvin, am I right?” She asked.

“Totally,” Naru then gave Usagi a light elbow and whispered to her. “Just like that you out us?”

Usagi scoffed a bit and whispered back. “It’s par for the course. Besides, it’s not like people don’t think we mash clams already. Now let’s traumatize the new girl some more.”

In an instant, Usagi was standing over Ami, smiling down to her. “Welcome to Azabu-Juuban High School, I’m Usagi, let’s be friends.”

Ami stared at her in disbelief. “… You’re not angry for me walking in on you?”

“Nonsense, why would I be? Besides, Naru-chan already wore me out last night so I was a little too tender for that stuff.” Poor Umino, he had just gotten back up.

“Last night?” The imagery flashed through Umino’s head and off he was again in a fountain of nose blood.

Ami stared at the young man and wondered why no one was helping him, before Usagi pulled her attention to her again.

“I think you’re going to like it here, and if you have any trouble with anyone, don’t be afraid to come to me for help,” Usagi gaily continued.

Ami stared at Usagi, whose big smile and bright eyes held equal parts genuine kindness and madness, and passed a glance to Naru, who offered a small but assuring smile. Ami managed to smile back. “Thank you…”

It was at that moment that Haruna walked in and saw Usagi in close proximity to the shiny new prodigy student she had to fight tooth and nail against the other teachers for the right to have in her class. Damn it, she had to get stitches for the knife wounds from that whore from Class 5, she wasn’t going to let Tsukino corrupt her, not now! Not so soon!

“Oh it’s no problem; it’s been forever since we’ve had a new student that worked out-!” She screamed as Haruna tackled her to the ground, yelling incomprehensibly about corruption of the innocent. Ami looked down at her new teacher, and then over to Naru, who was trying very hard to rein in her exasperation.

“Tsukino-san made her like this, didn’t she?” She asked Naru, who nodded reproachfully.

“She’s actually a really good teacher, once she’s had some alcohol in her,” Naru assured her.

Ami looked down at Usagi, now bound and gagged with duct tape at the foot of a grinning Haruna, and let out a long, dejected sigh. Ryo Urawa, I will end you one day.


At lunch, Usagi was rubbing her mouth from ripping the tape off as she sat with Naru at a far removed table from the rest of the room. The latter was browsing the internet for updates on the upcoming Cinderella Caravan via her phone. “Haruna completely lost it today, can’t believe it.”

“Well, she is the new student, and you are you. Also, according to her Twitter, she had to put three other teachers in the emergency room just to be able to have her in the class,” Naru noted.

“Someone has ambitions for the highest grade average in the school.”

Naru’s right eyebrow rose as she read a blog post covering the Caravan. “You can’t blame her for being overprotective of the new students, you do remember the last time we had a new student, right?”

“Transferred out after second period to Norway, I know. What are you reading?”

“Mikan Shiratori’s posting nudes of herself.”

Usagi was suddenly at her side, staring at her phone’s screen. Her eyes went wide in disbelief at what she was seeing. “That’s career suicide, why would she do that?”

“I have no clue whatsoever…” Naru said before she saw another picture. “… Did she just fit her entire fist…?”

Usagi’s eyes flew wide. “…The fuck?”

Naru quickly browed for Mikan’s Twitter, and boggled at what she was reading. “This… this isn’t right. She had to have been hacked or something, ‘I just drank a fifth of vodka, dare me to drive?’”

“Mikan’s straight-edge though.”

“‘I want to find some black guys and make a sex tape’? Usagi, this is horrible, if the mainstream picks this up…”

Taking the phone and eliciting a protest from Naru, Usagi began to scroll through the previous posts, her eyes darting over every line in an attempt to find where it went crazy stupid. “Naru, something weird is going on. At eight-thirty am Mikan was tweeting about her sister Azusa. At eight-thirty-five she was tweeting about opening for Heroes of Gunstar. At eight fifty-five she expresses her excitement for the Cinderella Caravan. Ten minutes later, she starts tweeting about how Chinese men are better endowed than Japanese men.”

She lowered the phone. “Bitch has gone crazy.”

“Sure they can say it was a hack, but it’s kind of hard to explain away the timestamp she wrote on her left breast right there!” Naru said in a hushed tone.

Usagi stared down at the picture and narrowed her eyes. She then turned to her. “Naru-chan, call it a hunch but either Mikan Shiratori has gone completely psychopathic, or there’s treachery afoot. And I’m willing to bet my ass that it’s not a ride on the Crazy Train.”

Looking from the phone to Usagi, Naru smiled. “Even if you are right, Usagi-chan, I’m having your ass anyway.”

She reached over and groped Usagi’s backside for emphasis, when they heard a moan and a thump, and looked back to find Umino unconscious on the floor, blood dribbling from his nose and a small stain on the right hand side of his pants. Usagi just shook her head at the unlucky young man.

“He’s never getting laid if this is how he’s going to be.”

Naru began to stuff her face. “Let’s finish lunch and excuse ourselves to get to the Cinderella Caravan early. If it is treachery, then it could be…”

Usagi narrowed her eyes. “… Yeah, I know.”


Saitou Sugao was a powerful man, an influential figure in the world of idols–be they singers, models, or even voice actresses. He was a man whom every day created stars, turned them into supernovas, or saw them burn out. However, he was not a cruel or petty man, merely a businessman… albeit a flamboyant one. His first priority was his clients, because their well-being translated to a profit for him, so when one of his biggest clients suddenly and shockingly began acting horrifically bizarre, he dropped everything and rushed to investigate the matter.

“Amachachi, please tell me that what I saw at Mika-chan’s blog was not real!” he fretted as he entered the auditorium where the Cinderella Caravan was being held. Already contestants were showing up, and despite his best efforts at damage control rumors were beginning to spread about the fiasco earlier in the day.

Next to the exquisitely dressed manager, his bespectacled, younger and humble assistant was browsing through his touch-screen phone’s screens. “We’ve been able to take down her blog and close her Twitter account, but the pictures have already reportedly shown up at two-channel.”

“This is a disaster! Mika-chan was hand-picked by Natalie Adams herself to open for Heroes of Gunstar! Do you have any idea how much money that is?” Sugao gesticulated wildly to the air as he ranted.

“Two hundred-fifty thousand tickets sold,” Amachachi quickly said.

Sugao cut him off with a dramatic wave of his hand. “That is half of a Comiket, and somehow our little Mika-chan is going to be a part of it all.” He whirled around on his assistant before lifting his hand to his face and dramatically yanking off his sunglasses. “I do not want to have to fire her, not today, not ever!”

Turning away, Sugao draped the back of his hand over his eyes and let out a miserable sigh. “I can only hope and pray, that there’s a completely rational explanation for this, and that it can be swept under a table.”

They reach the dressing room of Mikan and open the door. They saw something that threw all form of rationality out of the window. Quickly Sugao shut the door and slumped against it as he let out a long, sad whimper. Amachachi just continued staring at the door in disbelief.

Amachachi sputtered. “W-was she blowing a-”

“Amachachi, if this gets out we’re ruined!” he moaned in horror.

“Where did she even get it…?” The young assistant tried to ask, before Sugao grabbed him by his collar. “Ah!”

“Mika-chan has gone completely insane. Why, why would she do this when she’s on the verge of becoming the biggest star in Japan?”

Amachachi let out a sigh. “At least she has a future in the AV market…”

Sugao shook him violently. “I. Have never. Had an Idol sink so low! I will not start with my rising star!”

The door opened, and both Amachachi and Sugao jumped back against the opposite wall as Mikan emerged from the room in a bathrobe. Amachachi just stared again, past her and into the dressing room, and the dog that barked at him. Sugao’s eyes were fixated on Mikan.

“Mika-chan, why are you doing this?” He asked slowly.

Amachachi blinked. “That’s a big dog…”

Mikan, her normally cheery and bubbly expression twisted to one of perverse amusement, huffed haughtily. “It’s because I can, you queer.”

Sugao recoiled, his already frayed composure crumbling. “You… you… this is suicide! You’re destroying everything we worked so hard for, and for what? Why?”

Mikan laughed, and ran her fingers through her brown hair to toss it. “I don’t have to answer to you.”

“Yes you do, I’m your manager! I am responsible for you!” Sugao quickly argued.

Grabbing his suit by the collar, Mikan pulled him close and grinned cruelly. “Yes, and if I go down I’m dragging you and your little company with me. Here’s what’s going to happen. Today I’m going to host the Caravan, have a Hell of a time, and then I’m quitting this business.”

Sugao’s eyes flew wide. “Y-you can’t…!”

“Oh, and if I don’t get my way, ‘Mikan Shiratori’s Dog Time’ is going to be a big hit on all over the net.” Mikan let him go, and then turned to go back inside. “Get my people ready, the show starts in an hour, doesn’t it?”

“You… you’re blackmailing me, after everything we’ve been through…” Sugao whimpered as Mikan walked back into the dressing room and slammed the door shut.

Amachachi grabbed Sugao’s shoulder. “Boss, we have to do as she says… we… we can think of something later…”

Sugao looked up to his assistant, a broken man. “My life is over, Amachachi… there’s no way that we can survive this scandal.”

“We’ll think of something… don’t… just don’t give up hope, boss.” Amachachi said as he led his weeping boss away. “We’ll get to the bottom of this, and try to spin it… somehow…”

As the two left, the fake Mikan leaned against the door and waved her hand to a corner of the room, past the dog and the video equipment that had been set up, dropping a privacy screen and revealing the frozen Mikan still staring in shock towards her. Folding her arms, the fake walked over to original and rested her hand on the glass that contained her.

“Oh, how horrible it must be to be able to see all the little things I’m doing to your name and you being helpless to stop it. Are you enjoying the show? Not as much as I am, I’m certain.” She reached up and smacked her hand twice against the glass over Mikan’s cheek, and she smiled when she saw the slightest twitch of her eyes.

“You want to look away, but you can’t.” She then drew her fist back. “Would you like me to end it for you and shatter you like a glass slipper?”

There was a firm knock at the door, and the fake lowered her fist. “Hah, like I would let you off so easily. I want you to live to enjoy your new life after today.”

Raising the privacy screen back up, Mikan went to the door and opened it. “Can I help you-?”

Jadeite’s hand closed around her throat, the General of the Dark Kingdom was disguised as the Master of Ceremonies for the Caravan, and he did not look at all pleased with the youma in front of him. He immediately tightened his grip, causing Derella’s disguise to fall as she reached up and tried to pry his arm off.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He growled. His eyes were burning with fury.

Derella squawked and continued to try to break free of his grasp, but it was too strong, stronger than she had expected of the man. At her struggling, Jadeite only tightened his hold, causing her to writhe. “Don’t go overboard. I implicitly told you not to do that. Why are you disobeying me?”

He relaxed his grip just enough for Derella to speak. “… Get… y-your hand off me… Jadeite…”

“That’s not an answer. I value my youma and will go beyond what is expected of me for them, but that only extends as far as their obedience to me goes. A disobedient youma is worth trash to me, and if you cannot follow simple instructions I will incinerate you myself.”

Releasing Derella, he allowed her to return to her disguised form. “Do I make myself clear?”

Derella, now Mikan, looked up at Jadeite scornfully. “Zoisite was right about you, you’re just no fun.”

“I’m sure Zoisite’s definition of fun is every bit as depraved as he is. Focus on your damn job, and when we’re done here I don’t want to see your face again.” He turned and walked away, heading for the auditorium. As he went along, he brought a hand to his face and buried it in his palm.

The chance I have to pull this off and it’s ruined by an idiot. I knew I should’ve called in one of Nephrite’s youma. His thoughts were jostled when he bumped into a plus-sized woman in her mid-thirties dressed in a black sweater and skirt wandering through the backstage. Stumbling back, he stared at her in surprise.

“Excuse me, Miss… can I help you?” He asked politely as the auburn-haired woman reached up and adjusted the beret she wore.

The woman stared at him, her eyes widening before she put on a sultry smile. “Oh yeah, you can show me where the snacks are, Twinkie. Or… can we just go to your dressing room so I can lick out the cream filling?”

Jadeite backed away a pace, somewhat put off by the woman’s come-on. “Um… refreshments for the contestants are over by the stage, near the fire escape…”

“You can call me Bun, cute-stuff.” The woman said as she advanced a pace and a half, staying inside Jadeite’s comfort zone.

“B-Bun-san, yes…” Jadeite tried to back another step, and found himself against the wall. “…Are you a contestant?”

“Mm… yes, are you a judge?” Bun asked. The full-figured woman got even closer, pressing her chest to his as her bright-eyed gaze roamed over his face and then down to her large breasts. She let out a soft hum before looking up to his face.

“N-no, I’m just the host. Ma’am please, this is highly inappropriate.” Fortunately, telling her that he was not a judge did the trick, and Bun drew back from him with a pout.

“Oh, and here I was hoping to get some favors. After the show, though… we should have a little fun.” Her sultry tone somehow managed to pierce even his staunch professionalism. Smiling to him, she turned away.

As she headed off for the refreshments, Jadeite watched her go with a blush splashed across his face. He spoke to himself. “Oh God that was hot.”

Realizing what he just said, he slapped himself hard. “What the Hell…?”


It was show time, and tensions were high as the show prepared to start. Despite Sugao’s best efforts, he couldn’t even get a taped delay of the showing, which was to air live for all of the Tokyo Metro Area to see. His miracle workers at the agency had not let him down, however, and much of the scandal involving Mikan was under wraps for the moment.

All they had to do was get through the show, and then he could–with great anguish–sever her from the company once and for all. Taking his seat with an excited audience complete with family members of the contestants among the paying crowd, he looked over to Amachachi, who gave him a hopeful look back.

“Saitou-kun, is that you?” A familiar voice drew Sugao from his despair, and he turned to find a woman he knew too well standing over him. “Oh my goodness, it is you!”

Immediately, his mood brightened. “Ikuko-chan, you’re here?”

He rose to his feet and clapped his hands together fabulously. “It has been so long–and will you look at you? You’re as vibrantly beautiful as you were in college!”

Ikuko was here to wish her daughter well and cheer her on, but she had not expected to run into an old friend from her school days. “Oh and you are still just fabulous~!”

Taking each other’s hands, the two shared big smiles before Ikuko continued. “I’m here to support my daughter, Usagi-chan. She’s a contestant in the competition.”

Sugao went wide-eyed and raised a finger to his mouth in a scandalized gasp. “Your daughter, oh my… Ikuko-chan you’ve a family now?”

“Why yes, I have two lovely children and I’m married to Kenji.” That seemed to shock Sugao more, as he laughed.

“You’re still with that wolf?! Goodness, running into you has been the best thing to happen to me all day.” He grew forlorn. “My Mika-chan has become a prima donna and I will have to cut her off tonight after the show…”

Ikuko gasped. “Cut her off, but isn’t she…?”

“Yes, my rising star…” He looked over to the stage, where he could see Mikan speaking with the host. All looked fine, but just moments ago the girl had exploded and had fired almost all of her staff while calling them the vilest of names. “Darling, believe me when I say that isn’t even the half of it.”

“Oh, Saitou-kun… you have my condolences.” Ikuko was a fan of Mikan, herself, and was well aware of her rising stock.

Sugao sighed as the host introduced himself and Mikan to the audience here and at home. “I… I just wish I knew why this was happening.”

Backstage, the door to Mikan’s dressing room opened, and Naru crept in wearing a pair of large sunglasses and black turtleneck with the collar pulled high to cover her face from the nose down. With her was Luna, who looked at the wrecked room with disgust, and the two of them were in search of evidence to anything heinous going on.

“So this is how Idols live…” Naru whispered as she held up what appeared to be a used condom in a pile of several. “Yuck.”

“Stay vigilant, Usagi said she saw that Jade Eyes fellow, but we need more evidence of how deeply he’s involved here.” Just as she said that, Naru peered behind the privacy screen in the corner and then looked to Luna.

“Do you need anymore than this?” She asked as she pulled the screen down, revealing the imprisoned Mikan.

Luna let out a gasp. “By the Queen, how does she know these things?”

Back out on stage, Mikan was at least staying in character as she cheerfully addressed the audience. If she tried to ruin this, Jadeite likely would’ve gone out and killed her. “Thank you everyone for coming out today! Everyone knows the story of Cinderella, the lowly girl who magically became a lovely princess. Well this is your chance, to come from being an absolute no one to become a shining star! That is the purpose of this Cinderella Caravan? Which of you out there is a Princess waiting for her chance to go to the ball?”

The crowd cheered, and Mikan looked at her card. “Well I hope you’re ready then. Our first contestant is a comedienne, who goes by the stage name Bun-baachan! Everyone let’s give her a hand!”

More cheers followed, as from stage right Bun emerged and walked towards the center stage. Smiling to the crowd, she waved before turning to Mikan and bowing politely. Turning to Jadeite, she gave him the same suggestive smile from before and winked to him before stepping up to the microphone as the host and the star stepped stage left.

“Yo Minato, how is everyone doing today? Good? Great, how about I change that for you?” She asked as she took the mike off the stand and then kicked it over.

Off to the side, Jadeite and Mikan both stared as Bun walked to the edge of the stage and scanned the crowd. “I’m going to start with a disclaimer: I’m a vulgar insult comic. That means I get up here on stage, single people out, and then make fun of them for your amusement. It’s going to generally be funny, until I make fun of you.”

Bun chuckled as laughter went through the crowd. She then looked off to the side at Jadeite. “For example, look at this faggot right here.”

Jadeite froze and then looked at Bun in shock. Parts of the audience were a little taken aback as well, particularly Ikuko and Sugao.

“Oh my…” The former gasped.

“I mean, look at him. He’s got the poofy blonde hair, white suit, pink tie, and a walk that screams ‘I wanna take you to a gay bar’.” The audience laughed at the flustered look on Jadeite’s face when he got caught out. Bun continued. “Buddy, if you looked anymore gay, you’d be making Hard Gay look like a polygamist with nine wives.”

More laughter ensued, as Bun turned back to the crowd. “That or he’d be a member of Malice Miser. If he were that, then he’d have a little more talent than the tart standing next to him, am I right?”

Mikan’s eyes widened and some people in the crowd showed a slightly negative response. “No, no, I take that back. Mika-chan here is far more talented than that. I mean, for all the dicks he had to suck he’s only an MC. Imagine what she had to do to get where she is.”

The laughter of the audience far outweighed the booing aimed at the desecration of their Idol. Bun however gracefully strode through it. “What? No one is safe on the stage don’t you know? I’m an equal opportunity asshole.”

She looked to Jadeite. “You know, kind of like you.”

Jadeite’s embarrassment turned into indignation as Mikan laughed at his expense. Seeing Mikan take the jokes in stride began to loosen up the crowd, as Bun turned back to them. “You know what the funniest thing is though? That this guy actually thought he could pull a fast one on me after the last two times I wrecked his shit.”

The crowd became confused.

“Wrecked…?” Sugao asked as Jadeite’s eyes went wide.

Mikan looked from Bun to Jadeite. “What’s that cow talking about?”

“What am I talking about? Let me clue you in!” Bun raised her hand to the beret atop her head. “Once I was a Hip-Hop artist, and today I am an insult comic. But at all times I am and always will be…!”

Jadeite’s indignation became a truly intense fury and dread. “… No.”

The beret was thrown into the air, and the audience gasped in amazement as the disguise disappeared with it, revealing Sailor Moon. “… The Guardian of Earth, Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon!”

She then struck a pose and pointed at both Jadeite and Mikan. “The game is up you two! I suggest we drop the pretenses and get right to the part where I beat the crap out of you!”

The spotlight falling on him and Mikan, Jadeite tensed as he got ready to bail out. “Damn… how does she keep figuring out who I am? Derella, we’re getting out of here!”

Mikan, however, just laughed. “That’s her? That’s the big bad Sailor Moon who’s gotten you scared, Jadeite?”

Sugao stood up from where he sat, Amachachi rising with him as Mikan stepped forward towards Sailor Moon with her hands on her hips. “She’s just a little girl.”

Sailor Moon got into a fighting stance, her eyes narrowed at Mikan. “Youma, reveal your true face so I can tear it off.”

“A youma… that Mika-chan is an imposter! I knew my Mika-chan couldn’t have fallen so far!” Sugao breathed, overcome with both relief and dread. If that wasn’t Mikan, where was she?

Mikan rolled her head from one side to another, popping her neck from one side to another before raising her hands and crossing her arms in front of her face, revealing her true form as the ice-blue glass youma Derella. The moment her hands came down however, Sailor Moon was swinging a kick for her face.

Derella dropped back, the youma twisting to swing a kick into the opening Sailor Moon created with her missed blow. Suddenly twisting herself around, Sailor Moon blocked the blow and landed on the stage, between Derella and Jadeite, who had abandoned his disguise as well.

“Don’t fight her, she’s out of your league,” Jadeite warned.

Derella laughed. “Damn right she is!”

She disappeared from sight and appeared above Sailor Moon, and fired a spray of liquid to encase her in glass as she did Mikan. However, the liquid glass only hit empty stage. “Eh?”

Derella hit the wall above the auditorium exit near the stage an instant later, driven into it by a kick from Sailor Moon. Seeing the youma hit the wall, Jadeite swore and pointed his hand up at Sailor Moon while she was falling from the attack. “Damn it!”

Spotting him too late, Sailor Moon crossed her arms as the blast hit and threw her into the curtains of the stage, sending her ripping through them. There was a crash from backstage, before a blur parted the curtains and she reappeared driving an axe kick down onto him that he barely blocked with a barrier.

The audience went crazy with that, breaking into loud cheers as Jadeite and his barrier were pushed back by the blow. This is bullshit!

Sailor Moon quickly glanced back, fast enough to see Derella closing in on her fast. She spun into a roundhouse kick to deflect Derella’s blow, before spinning and ducking under another swing. Falling to her hands she launched a high kick into Derella’s stomach before she sprang above another invisible force blast from Jadeite.

“How did you find out?” Jadeite asked as he evaded a punch from Sailor Moon when she got close and used a barrier to block another. Despite the barrier reinforcing his hand, when her fist smashed into it he still felt it. “Damn…!”

“I never kiss and tell.” When Jadeite recoiled she leaped and kneed him in the chin, sending him flipping onto his stomach.

As she hit the ground however, Derella’s liquid glass engulfed her feet, and quickly immobilized her. “Whoa, what the…?”

Jadeite looked up at Derella, who let out a laugh as she finished spraying her liquid glass. “Didn’t I tell you I had this? It must suck to be of so little faith.”

Sailor Moon plucked her tiara from her forehead and tossed it over her shoulder at Derella. “Moon Tiara Action.”

Derella’s eyes went wide as the tiara lit up and homed in straight onto her neck like a youma seeking missile. “What the fuck-?”

The discus sliced her head off cleanly, leaving it to fall to the floor with a thud. Wide-eyed, Derella’s head stared at Sailor Moon as it and her body began to turn to dust. “J-just like that…?”

As the audience broke into more cheers and the tiara prepared to come around, Jadeite saw his chance, raising both hands, he aimed them at Sailor Moon. “You’re dead!”

Sailor Moon’s eyes widened and she quickly caught the tiara from mid-air to hold in front of her. Jadeite’s energy blast smashed into the tiara, and washed over it to tear up the floor beneath and behind Sailor Moon before creating a ring-shaped impression in the wall. Letting out a growl, Jadeite let out a growl and increased the output of his blast, the tiara glowing brighter to try to block the blast.

Holy shit… he’s cutting loose… Sailor Moon realized as she found herself focusing as much strength to keep from being overwhelmed. As long as her legs were imprisoned like this, it would be impossible for her to counterattack. If you’re in the crowd, Tuxedo Sexy, I could use a bit of help!

A single rose, like a razor, cut across Jadeite’s chest and the pain from the wound caused him to recoil and kill his attack. Staggering backward, he looked up towards the upper level seats of the auditorium, where another spotlight suddenly shone on Tuxedo Kamen, sitting on the edge and slowly strumming his guitar.

“Hey sexy!” Sailor Moon called out, before turning her attention to Jadeite, who was clutching at his chest.

“Good evening, Sailor Moon. How about wrapping this up? I’d like to watch the rest of the Caravan.” Tuxedo Kamen asked as he continued to play his guitar. Jadeite looked at the blood on his hand, and then up to Sailor Moon.

“Damn you…” Jadeite growled before Sailor Moon became a blur, and was suddenly above his head, swinging her leg down towards him. He didn’t even have a chance to teleport, when the kick connected, smashing Jadeite through the stage below and down into the floor beneath it, creating a sizeable hole.

Landing with the falling splinters at the edge of the hole, Sailor Moon stared down at Jadeite lying in the bottom of the pit, his body locked in spasm. When she looked back to Tuxedo Mask, he tipped his hat and vanished into thin air, guitar and all. When she looked back down, she caught just a glimpse of Jadeite as he pulled it together enough to disappear. Turning to the crowd, she smiled when the spotlights fell on her and she struck a pose.

“Wherever there is evil, and wherever demons and their ilk appear, I, in the name of the Moon, shall punish them, for I am the one and only Sailor Moon!” she loudly declared, and the audience went nuts, delivering a standing ovation.


It was sunset outside of the studio, and Sugao was in tears of joy as he embraced Mikan, who was likewise crying happily. Standing to the side, Amachachi and Ikuko watched with relief as their boss and good friend respectively expressed his relief that it was not Mikan who had done all those wicked things, but an imposter. Elsewhere in the crowd of paramedics, police, and civilians, reporters were interviewing excited witnesses who all had something to say about the latest appearance of Sailor Moon. On the roof of a nearby building, Naru and Luna stood with Sailor Moon as they looked down on the scene.

“Luna, the magic my transformation has prevents people from connecting Sailor Moon to Usagi unless someone witnesses me transform or I give it away in obvious fashion, right?” Sailor Moon asked.

“That’s correct. Why do you ask?” Luna looked up to her from where she was cradled in Naru’s arms.

Sailor Moon nodded. “I take back what I said about them being stupid. Jade Eyes just doesn’t realize that I can see through his disguise. This could be used to our advantage.”

Naru nodded. “If he hasn’t caught on already and decides to stop getting directly involved in collecting energy.”

There was that, but Sailor Moon was confident that whatever came next she’d be able to thwart it. “Everything seems under control now. Let’s get going.”

“That is a good idea, Sailor Moon. Now that we’re done, I have more news for you. I have determined that the new Senshi is that of the planet Mercury,” Luna announced.

Dropping her transformation as she fell into step with Naru, Usagi’s eyes widened along with her best friend’s. Both asked. “Sailor Mercury…?”

Luna nodded emphatically.

“So it’s a planet theme, then…” Usagi mused, and Naru let out a small laugh.

Wondering what they meant, Luna shook her head. “Yes, and while we’re still on a roll, we must find her and enlist her to our aid so we can ensure that we can win.”

In a high-rise apartment elsewhere in Minato, Ami set down a pencil and held up a sketch pad to appraise the creation on it. Lowering it, she looked at the image on the computer in front of her, a paused news report with amateur video of Sailor Moon posed on the stage. Looking down at the paper, Ami smiled at the perfect likeness of the image on paper.

“It’s perfect,” she said in admiration as she flipped to the next page, showing a picture of herself dressed in Sailor Moon’s uniform and similarly posed.


Usagi: Professionalism is an important key to success. If you can’t treat your job with professionalism and competence, then you’re going to lose it right away! So remember, if you have a job to do, exceed your limits to get it done but remember to be professional about it!

Luna: That coming from you us ironic.

Usagi: What are you talking about? I do my job with absolute professionalism; I just play hard as I work! Enjoy life, but always be ready to work for it! That is what Kamen Raider has taught me!”

Luna: Oh brother…

Usagi: Sailor Moon says, tee hee!

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Awesome work!

 

[DrTempo]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Ya know, Ero-Sennin..It wasn't that bad at all. It was a damn good one, actually! For once, Usagi DIDN"T wreck the place up, though...She's improving...Jadeite is screwed. To the TvTropes page for this fic, folks! Time to add new content!

 

[Prince Charon]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Interesting, that it is. :yay: :snigger:

I wonder if they're going to sleep with Ami, too.

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

"More connection to interview. Doesn't matter how tough Moon get if she goes up against Ranma she'll end up tied up with her own hair and possibly engaged to him."

From FF.net, this insanely stupid review.

Let the mockery begin.

 

[Anonguy]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

It's not false persay, but Ranma would have a tough time fighting her unless she really made him mad. Besides, the Moon powers would make her stronger anyways.

 

[Deleted member 5249]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

It's not false persay, but Ranma would have a tough time fighting her unless she really made him mad. Besides, the Moon powers would make her stronger anyways.

What? I don't understand what you mean.

 

[Jorlem]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

It's not false persay, but Ranma would have a tough time fighting her unless she really made him mad. Besides, the Moon powers would make her stronger anyways.

What? I don't understand what you mean.

I'm not sure, but I think the reasoning here is that Makoto beat Usagi because she was a more skilled martial artist, and Ranma would likely be at least as skilled as Makoto, so would also be able to defeat Usagi. However, if Usagi was transformed, then the boosts in strength, speed, and so on might be enough to overwhelm Ranma's greater skill.

 

[Anonguy]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

It's not wrong to think that Ranma would win. He is in the God tier of Martial Arts in the Interview verse, so he'd probably trounce on straight skill. Problem is:

1. They have no reason to fight.
2. Ranma doesn't hit crazy women (because they go to Roanpur and become gun wielding psychopaths)
3. Usagi has her Moon powers, augmenting speed, strength, endurance and all that jazz.
4. There's still a number of variables that could happen: Dark Kingdom attack, someone out for Ranma's blood attacks, whatever. More than likely, they'd jostle a little and then have to fight a new threat and become friends afterwards.
5. Besides, given Ranma's apparent attractiveness, Usagi would probably try to rape him, so she'd likely be fighting Akane anyways.

But no, it isn't stupid to think Ranma would win against Usagi based on the verse. It's stupid to think they'd fight though.

 

[sworded]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

It's not wrong to think that Ranma would win. He is in the God tier of Martial Arts in the Interview verse, so he'd probably trounce on straight skill. Problem is:

1. They have no reason to fight.
2. Ranma doesn't hit crazy women (because they go to Roanpur and become gun wielding psychopaths)
3. Usagi has her Moon powers, augmenting speed, strength, endurance and all that jazz.
4. There's still a number of variables that could happen: Dark Kingdom attack, someone out for Ranma's blood attacks, whatever. More than likely, they'd jostle a little and then have to fight a new threat and become friends afterwards.
5. Besides, given Ranma's apparent attractiveness, Usagi would probably try to rape him, so she'd likely be fighting Akane anyways.

But no, it isn't stupid to think Ranma would win against Usagi based on the verse. It's stupid to think they'd fight though.

Not quite, Usagi did seem upset about the Golden Pair getting trashed and Martial Arts Figure Skateing getting banned so she might challenge him in her normal form. That said I don't think Ero plans on them directly interacting like that.

 

[nixofcyzerra]

The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

The two of them teaming up to make a youma wish it had never come into existence, maybe...