Naruto Draft of "Looking Forwards, Seeing Backwards"

Fatuous One

Well-Known Member
#1
This was something I had working on a few months ago before I lost direction on it. It was supposed to eventually end up as a rather long epic-type fic that I was going to connect with several other bits of fiction in the same universe, but I haven't worked on it in a while. Still, I figured I might as well get some possible C&C on it, or get told off on whether I should just discard it.

Basic premise: Anko trains Hinata.

It's during the 'time-skip' part of Naruto, and I was planning on branching far, FAR away from what Kishimoto is currently making. My basic idea was that I thought a Hinata turned mini-Anko would be amusing to me in the long run (somewhat inspired by SOC Puppet's "Bloodline"'s Hinata). I also wanted to use the fic as an experiment as to whether or not I could actually write a whole bunch instead of just slowly working my way through chapters. I got something like 19 pages worth before real-life sidetracked me, and I haven't been able to get on track since.

I eventually had plans of drawing parallels between a younger Anko before she was trained by Orochimaru and Hinata (hence the title), but I hadn't really gotten to that part. Also, I had plans on Hinata harassing some of her family members when her personality begun to change (The thought of Hinata making innuendos towards Hanabi gave me a chuckle).

Just a note, I'm feeling a bit of trepidation on a few bits of this, as Anko is somewhat sexual in a few actions of hers (innuendo, and then there is Hibibi, a somewhat perverted snake). While I don't think its even close to a lime, let alone a lemon, that's simply my opinion. If you think it's too much, I'll delete this topic and move it into the lemon forum.

So, without further monologue, the drafty, unfinished version of chapter one of LFSB.

Oh, and be on the look out for profanity. ItÆs abundant in this fic (AnkoÆs a potty mouth). :p

---

~First Scroll û Henge: Deception through disguise


ôDecrepit old fuckersà nasty old bags of horse shità wrinkled pricks and soppy cunts, the lot of æem!ö

The string of foul curses drew quite a few stares, and if Anko had been in a proper state of mind, she might have made better use of the attention. As it was, her mood was dark enough that she only paid half a mind to her mouth and the nervous glances it brought. Her thoughts were focused solely on her meal. Her teeth dug savagely into the dango as she imagined that instead of the sticky dumplings, it was the faces of the Konoha council. Similarly, she greedily drank her sake, wishing that she tasted the metallic flavor of blood instead of the thick alcoholic tang of her rice wine.

The councilà

AnkoÆs mutters tapered off as she heaved a sigh, and the patrons of the bar she was in started to nervously settle back in.

It wasnÆt that she had any real problem with the old geezers, not really. However, they really seemed to have one with her. Ever since her training under Orochimaru, and his betrayal of the Leaf, she had always been cast a suspicious glare. Subsequently, she had never officially been promoted from chuunin, as all the examiners hadnÆt really trusted her in a higher position. Troublingà but due to the ThirdÆs intervention, she had been able to be ranked as a special-jounin, not quite as high a ninja as a normal jounin, but still better then chuunin.

Of course, with the ThirdÆs deathà

Anko sighed again as she stared pensively at her empty sake saucer. A short time after the ThirdÆs demise, when the chaos had started to die down, the council of old men and women that helped govern much of the Leaf had finally decided to deal with a problematic special-jounin. Oh, it wasnÆt that she had been removed from her job, or demoted, but she had been givenà vacation time. In actuality, she had been pulled off active duty, and forcefully placed on paid leave. What was worse was that the Leaf desperately needed all the forces it could gather, but did the council actually use all its available resources? Noooà That would require that them to actually have half a brain between them.

Absently chugging her sake, Anko brought down the ceramic onto the table forcefully, her anger renewed. The noise caused many of the other occupants to jump, their state of relaxation shattered once more.

Growling with frustration, Anko threw a small bundle of ryou onto the counter and left. She wasnÆt completely sure that the money covered her bill butà bah! She didnÆt give a flying fuck anyway, the placeÆs dango sucked.

Sticking her hands into the pockets of her beige jacket, Anko stalked out onto the streets, not really paying any attention to her destination.

It wasnÆt that she really cared all that much about being stuck without a job. With the ævacationÆ time, she could actually travel out of Konoha all she wanted, and she didnÆt have to scrap for any odd jobs to pay the rent, she had enough saved up to last a year or more.

Butà butà

ôArgghh!!ö Anko suddenly screamed and clutched her head with both hands, drawing dozens of startled stares. ôIÆm so fucking bored!ö Anko bemoaned as she rubbed her head vigorously, causing her hair to swing around wildly.

She wouldnÆt be able to find many jobs outside of the Leaf that actually were any fun. The most she might scrape together would be some bodyguard job that would possibly end with some bandits attacking. But even that was unlikely with all the various powers gathering strength for the upcoming war. Although only the Sound and the Leaf were really butting heads, nobody wanted to be caught with their pants down if another country decided to take advantage of the mayhem and launch an attack. Thus, most patrols were being tightened, and any missing-nin or ronin were going to keep a low profile to try to and stay under the villagesÆ radar.

And as the Leaf was gearing up, she couldnÆt cause any chaos within the village without some serious repercussions. No thank you, Anko liked her rank, even if it wasnÆt as high as she would have wished.

All the action was in Konoha, and Anko was barred from any activities. It was maddening! Anko had gone through many different scenarios on trying to get in on the war, ranging from visiting the Hokage behind the councilÆs back (which she discarded because she didnÆt believe the Fifth would be any more sympathetic to her cause), to brutally murdering the council in bloody ways (which, although tempting, wouldnÆt really help her plight as the paid leave was already through the system. Plus, while the killing the old bastards would be satisfying, she wasnÆt about to chance going up against any ANBU).

So, in a nutshell, Anko was fucked. Deeply and royally screwed.

ôIÆm fucked.ö Anko pointed out to the world.

Her mood darkening by the second, the bloodthirsty ninja twisted around a corner of the nearly empty street (her foul murmurs caused many people to take different routes) and ran straight into another person. Normally, this wouldnÆt have bothered Anko, and normally she would have simply rolled with it instead of falling on her ass, but this wasnÆt Anko in a normal mood. Thus, when Anko leapt back on her feet, she started ripping the target of her venom a new asshole, verbally anyway.

ôWatch where youÆre going, you little shit!ö Anko absently noticed the woman flinch, ôIf you donÆt look out, you might just run into someone realà dangerous, and piss them offö To emphasize this point, Anko pulled out one of her kunai.

Anko would have continued on this tangent, likely ending with the kunai nicking the other person, and her licking that yummy liquid off. However, now that Anko actually looked at her target, and saw her trembling, it caused her rant to trail off and really take more then a glance.

After a few moments of silence (well, mostly silence, if you listened really hard, you might have heard the beginnings of some stuttered apologies), Anko connected the face to a name, or rather the eyes to a name.

ôYouÆre a Hyuuga, ainÆt cha?ö Anko questioned curiously, the wide silvery eyes, devoid of pupils, giving the answer away. Nevertheless, the young girl opposite of the special-jounin nodded woodenly, still frozen with fright.

Taking a few more seconds, Anko searched her brain for the girlÆs name, Hinona? Hinita, Hinato, Hinataà Yes, Hinata. She was the girl that got her ass handed to her on a platter by the other Hyuuga, Neju or something. Anko had to hand it to the girl; she was quite tenacious. Although, you wouldnÆt know it from the black-haired geninÆs petrified look. Also, if Anko remembered right, the girlÆs team had finished second in her exam, not bad considering the first one had been that Sand boyÆs team.

Hmmà How to have some fun with this?

---

It simply wasnÆt a good day, at least in HinataÆs case. She briefly wondered if she should have even bothered getting up in the morning, but no, she was a Hyuuga, and thus had certain responsibilitiesà like getting out of bed, couldnÆt be caught snoozing into the afternoon after all.

The day wasnÆt bad in the sense that she got anything worse from her father, because well, how could you be extra ignored? But when her sister had decided to get some practice from her elder sister, as her father was busy training their cousinà Well, Hinata thought the chakra burns would heal within a day or so. That isnÆt to say that Hanabi was better then Hinata in skill, in actuality, HinataÆs sister was probably slightly lesser in ability, but the level of conviction in battleà Every time she saw an opening in her younger sisterÆs defense, she hesitated. Any attack she made, she had a small hitch, and Hanabi took advantage of this glaring weakness.

Well, the training with her sister wasnÆt terrible, the duel stopped before long. However, things began to sour from that point. While finding that her sensei, Kurenai, was being bogged down with missions and couldnÆt organize any team meetings wasnÆt a shock, it was a disappointment. Of course, Hinata had considered going to the team meet anyway, but neither Kiba nor Shino would have showed, as they both had found some teachers: their relatives. Thus, Hinata was left without any teammates, and felt significantly lacking without them when training. Added onto that, it turned out that Hanabi was trying to copy Neji, as Hinata found her chakra system slightly out of whack when she started to train. Hinata really didnÆt want to know if premature testing with the Sixty-four Point Hands technique had any bad side effects.

Mildly disheartened and slightly weary, Hinata had taken a short break for lunch, when she had run into this person. One might not typically be instantly afraid of Anko, even if she was cursing you to hell, but Hinata had sudden flashbacks to when the woman threw a kunai at Naruto in the Chuunin exam, and then licked the blood off his cheek. While Hinata didnÆt have any real problems with blood, she was greatly disturbed by the examinerÆs attitude. And to incite her wrath on an already unpleasant dayà What rotten luck.

ôYouÆre a Hyuuga, ainÆt cha?ö The question brought Hinata out of her stupor, and she nodded stiffly. While the woman frightened the pale heiress to a high degree, she had been taught that politeness had its values, even to æsuch people.Æ

ôUmàö Hinata began, hoping to quickly apologize and leave the scary womanÆs presence.

ôHuh,ö Anko grunted, interrupting Hinata. ôHinata, right?ö Anko asked, then continued without waiting for confirmation. ôWell, I think we need to do something about your attitude.ö The words brought a flood of indignation that Hinata immediately beat back down.

ôàö Hinata grasped for something to say to the smirking woman, but could only gasp out half formed syllables. Once again, without really waiting for an answer, Anko grabbed HinataÆs hand in a viselike grip, and then began to barrel away with the poor girl, destination unknown.

Keeping up with the black-haired special-jounin wasnÆt easy. Whenever Hinata stumbled slightly or tripped, her arm felt like it was being ripped out of its socket, as Anko didnÆt slow in her sprinting. Her grip was also uncomfortable tight; Hinata could feel the nerves in her hand numbing as the blood circulation was blocked.

It seemed to take hours, from almost running into a surprised pedestrian, to taking a sharp curve into an alley a shortcut, Hinata briefly wished she could hack off her own arm to get away. Eventually however, the young Hyuuga found herself out of the village shopping district and into one of its training zones. A very familiar training ground actually.

ôThisàö Hinata paused as she drew several deep breaths, only now realizing how much the dash had taken out of her. Foolish really, as a ninja, she should have used some chakra to boost her stamina. ôThis isà my teamÆs training zoneàö HinataÆs comment caused Anko to glance at her sharply, slightly startled by the revelation.

ôEh,ö Anko waved off her own unease, ôwell, thatÆs good then.ö So what if this was her teamÆs training ground when she was a genin?

ôNow!ö Anko barked as she pointed a finger at Hinata menacingly, causing the girl to jump. ôTime for yourà training.ö The way she said the word ætrainingÆ seemed to pronounce something entirely different then what Hinata would normally envision. æTortureÆ or æbloody slaughterÆ would probably fit the tone better in HinataÆs book.

It was all she could do to hold back a whimper.

---

Anko was impressed.

It wasnÆt the fact that the girl was really good or anything. In actuality, her skills were somewhat sub-par compared to many other genins currently on the roster. Her attitude wasnÆt even particularly good, far too much of a defeatist. But it wasà the spark. Hinata honestly wanted to become stronger. She didnÆt want to be a good ninja, she didnÆt want to be acknowledged, and she didnÆt have any sort of grand ædreamÆ she wanted to live. She simply wanted to become stronger, a stronger warrior, a stronger ally, a stronger individual. Granted, those other things would sure be niceà but they werenÆt her heartÆs desire.

Anko knew all this, simply by the beat of her palms, the glint of her eyes, the gasps of her lungs. Perhaps she was reading the girl wrong, but she didnÆt think so.

Breaking out of her revere, Anko tilted her head to the side, avoiding both HinataÆs strike and the invisible wave of deadly chakra that preceded it. The scantily clad ninja noticed that the attack was extremely slow compared to the younger girlÆs previous blows. Considering how long the fight had been going, the Hyuuga was probably at her limit.

ôAlrighty,ö Anko said brightly, halting their session. ôThatÆs enough of that,ö Hinata collapsed accordingly, ôfor now anyway.ö Anko smirked as she heard the pale geninÆs groan of exhaustion.

Whistling cheerfully, Anko turned away from the tired ninja girl, dusted off her untouched clothing, and then began to walk away

ôW-waitàö The black-haired special-jounin paused and turned her head at the other girlÆs voice. ôYeah?ö Her voice now slightly grumpy sounding, she wanted dango, damn it. ôT-thank youàö The Hyuuga heiress grimaced as she flexed a sore muscle. ôThank you, Mitarashi-san.ö Anko raised a curious eyebrow; she hadnÆt expected that, given how much of a beating had been laid on the girl.

ôYeah,ö Anko smirked slightly, ôNo problem.ö

Walking away, AnkoÆs smirk widened as she heard a tiny thud accompanied by a small groan of pain as the young girl tried, and obviously failed, to fully lift herself off the dirt.

---

ôAhhà Fuckàö Anko swore as she stretched some kinks. She most definitely wasnÆt a morning person. While the workout with the Hyuuga girl wasnÆt difficult, the smashing she had after had been.

ôManà I donÆt remember the last time I was so shit-faced.ö Anko grumped as she used a bit of her chakra to clear her hangover, a small trick she had picked up from her tutelage under Orochimaru. There were certainly advantages to getting trained by a man completely obsessed with learning every kind of technique available, even the mostly useless ones. Anko shook her head, bemused as she recalled the skills that her former teacher had picked up. Really, what use was a skill that made soapy water instead of clean?

Although her sensei had argued that it could be useful in certain situations, the fact was that he had more useful skills involving tainted water techniques in his arsenal.

ôCheap bastard was probably just teaching me that useless stuff so he could go back to his butchering.ö Anko mumbled, a macabre mood starting to settle in. Quickly finishing her stretching, Anko brushed her teeth at light speed and zipped out of her apartment, she had better things to do then to go all broody about the past.

Bouncing energetically, Anko skipped her way over to her favorite food stand, the one that was closed for repairs yesterday, forcing her to eat dango elsewhere. Of course, the whole reason the repairs were needed was that stupid fuckwad messenger had decided to inform her of the councilÆs decision of her æpaid leaveÆ while she was eating there. DidnÆt even get a chance to refuse it, or even become aware of it before it was passed. Those thoughts brought AnkoÆs cheerful mood down a few notches, added to the fact that it might be difficult for the owner to forgive her for trashing his standà

ôStupid old fuckers.ö Anko cursed as she arrived at KazokuÆs. ôHey! Old man, whaÆcha got for me?ö

ôI got a knife for your gut,ö A brown-haired middle-aged man, who went by the name of Kazoku, replied, although his tone belied any ill intent.

ôHuh,ö Anko grunted as she sat onto nearby stool, ôwell, IÆd rather have some dango, but if youÆd like to tryàö Anko spread her lips in a toothy, and vicious, smile.

ôEh,ö Kazoku huffed, before sliding a flimsy paper tray with four skewed rice cake dumplings over to her. ôI hope yaÆ choke on æem.ö He said before turning to another customer, one whom he was much more polite to.

Grinning infuriatingly, Anko quickly munched on her favorite food. Soon devouring all their dull sweet goodness, Anko repeatedly ordered more. The owner, knowing of AnkoÆs antics, always had a new tray of dango for her to consume within her bottomless stomach. After emptying her wallet, Anko left the stand, completely content.

However, this good mood soon fled as she ran into someone she wasnÆt too keen on seeing, alive away.

ôHomura-samaàö Anko grit her teeth, faking a bright smile. ôHowà nice to see you.ö Homura snorted.

ôDonÆt play coy, Anko.ö Damn it, even his voice grated on her nerves. ôI know you, at least somewhat well, you probably want to rip my guts out and hang with me them.ö

æFucking right I do, old bastard.Æ Anko mental growled out, æBut before that IÆd start taking you apart, piece-by-piece. First, IÆd chop off your fingers, then cauterize the stubs, and then IÆd slowly shove each one up your old wrinkly assà thenàÆ

ôOf course not, Homura-samaö Anko said sweetly. æIÆd move onto your toes, hacking them off, before feeding them to you. After you had ten delicious meaty bits, IÆd have some snakes gnaw the rest of your feet off up to your shins. None poisonous of course, wouldnÆt want you to succumb prematurelyàÆ

Homura shook his head slowly, ôPerhaps if you were more honestàö his voice trailed off, knowing that he wasnÆt helping matters.

æMORE HONEST!?Æ Anko mentally screamed at the hypocrisy of the old man. æI was completely honest at the beginning, and you assholes acknowledged that by throwing me in prison for a few months.Æ It wasnÆt technically a prison, but she was placed under house arrest, and considering she used to live at OrochimaruÆs household, she was transferred to a bare apartment that had far too much of a resemblance to a prison cell for her liking at the time.

ôWhy, Homura-sama, what ever do you mean?ö AnkoÆs tone was even more sickly sweet. At this point, a deaf man could have heard the malice oozing from her.

Once again Homura shook his head, almost pityingly. Before walking away with a brief farewell.

ôYeah, see ya, you old fucking bag of rotten flesh and maggoty bone marrow.ö AnkoÆs ire grew in lengths and bounds as she stalked away, her rage even greater then the previous night.

Her dark mood only grew with her boredom. After a few minutes of simply pacing without a proper outlet, Anko was close to screaming in utter frustration.

ôFuck it,ö Anko growled, ôIÆm going to blow some shit up.ö And with that, Anko scaled a nearby building and hightailed it over to her old training grounds.

---

ôHya!ö HinataÆs open palm struck the log with a resounding whack. She felt the force of the blow smack into her, stinging, and travel up through her arm as part of a vibration.

ôHya!ö Idly, she wondered if yelling like this was really necessary. Granted, while doing so caused certain abdominal muscles to clench, and thus strengthening her blow, she could do the same by just consciously controlling the muscles themselves.

ôàö

ôHya!ö Nevertheless, she wasnÆt exactly an expert on hand-to-hand combat. This was the way she was taught, and unless she had a teacher to bounce ideas off of, one she was currently lacking, she would keep to the same routine, and hope.

ôHya! à Hya!ö Sighing, Hinata dropped her stance and plopped down on the ground. It really was no use. She couldnÆt improve that way, she wasnÆt Rock Leeà she simply didnÆt have the motivation to do that to herself. She wasnÆt Neji, who could do things, just because he was that good. She wasnÆtà she wasnÆt Naruto, who could do anything with pure will. Exhaling loudly, Hinata cupped her face with both hands; racking her brain for any sort of improvement she could make, and was coming up with a very discouraging NOTHING.

ôUh, you done?ö Jumping at the unexpected voice, Hinata whipped around to seeà

ôMitarashi-san?ö Her voice was an odd mixture of curiosity and longing that surprised both of them. Anko looked slightly off balance at the tone, before looking at the shy girl with a bemused expression.

ôUhà yeah? You want somethinÆ?ö Anko raised an eyebrow appropriately and Hinata blushed slightly.

ôN-no!ö Hinata half-stammered, half-shouted. Before quietly correcting herself, ôI meanà yes.ö AnkoÆs mouth curved slightly, amused. ôB-butà I meanà I wantàö Hinata trailed off uncertainly.

ôWell,ö Anko said, starting to tire of the girlÆs stuttering. ôWhat do you want? ComÆon, spit it out.ö

ôIà I meanàö Hinata tried again, ôPerhapsà we could sparà again, if you wouldnÆt mind?ö

That surprised Anko. She blinked several times, before staring pointedly at Hinata, reevaluating her. While she had a small amount of respect for the kidÆs tenacity, she hadnÆt expected her to go asking for another beat down. Granted, her æsparÆ with her the day before hadnÆt done any real damage, but the girl would have been feeling it for hours afterward, she was likely still aching.

AnkoÆs main hand-to-hand style was focused on pain; she learned a great deal of pressure point knowledge from her old teacher, and from it she created a form of fighting that put the enemy in utter agony the longer they fought. Because, while ninja were trained to ignore pain, it was still a very big distraction, and caused many of her opponents to falter at key moments.

Well, that and Anko was a sadist. Which was the main reason she fought Hinata before, she had needed some relief, and watching the girl squirm in pain had been quite a turn on. Anko had been looking for a quick screw after that, and although she hadnÆt found anyone to her liking, a little help from a big cylindrically shaped friend had been quite satisfyingà from what she could remember anyway.

Anko could see that her silence was causing the other girl a great deal of distress, and because she needed to get work off some anger anywayà

ôEhà Sure, why not.ö Shrugging her shoulders slightly, Anko gestured for Hinata to attack.

Flashing a brief smile, Hinata took up a defensive stance of her familyÆs style of fighting. AnkoÆs eyebrow rose up at that, the girl wasnÆt taking the initial attack, again. Granted, rushing in wasnÆt a bright idea, but not taking an offensive position at all wasnÆt too smart either. This girl needed to stop holding back.

Yanking a kunai out of its holster, Anko tossed it lazily towards the Hyuuga. HinataÆs brow furrowed as she saw the projectile fall limply at her feet, before she noticed the small burning paper on it. Her eyes widened and she hurriedly kicked the explosive away.

Shaking her head slightly, Anko jumped from tree to tree in the forest area and starting setting minor traps while the girl was distracted. A few explosive tags here, a couple of wired-tripped kunai thereà Smirking, Anko quickly threw another kunai at her reoriented opponent and chuckled lightly at the squeak the girl made as she dodged it, barely, and the loud noise of the tag on it going off.

This was so much fun!

It had been a while since Anko had fought an opponent like this, playing with them in a game of cat and mouse. While she enjoyed inflicting pain, it was mostly physical damage that she dealt. She wasnÆt stealthy enough that she could pull this type of thing off with an equal combatant, and she didnÆt really feel like too much of a bully since the girl had asked for it.

Watching her victim recover again from another exploding kunai, Anko felt her nipples harden as she saw the girlÆs panicked expression. Licking her lips excitedly, Anko bit into her thumb, drawing blood, before slapping it against the tree she stood on.

ôKuchiyose no Jutsuö Anko whispered as she calling out her favorite type of animal.

ôMissstresssàö Rasped Hibibi, a low level summoned snake. Slithering his long body onto her arm, he tasted the air around his caller, shuddering slightly at the lovely smell of her excitement.

ôGood morning,ö Anko said to the green-scaled serpent as he crawled into her clothing. ôWanna have some fun?ö Her voice was slightly breathy in anticipation.

Hibibi hummed an affirmative as it crawled along and in-between her fishnet covered breasts, pausing slightly to squeeze them (which caused Anko to moan appreciatively). He was very low level in the summon chain, and knew that he wouldnÆt likely be called for anything other then a training session orà well, mostly just training.

He hadnÆt yet earned his place among the snakes, and thus didnÆt have many of the properties of his kin, such as a deadly poison or giant size. Not to mention that there werenÆt many snake-users these days, something Hibibi bitterly thought of as OrochimaruÆs fault. Although he didnÆt have many battle talents, he had his uses, but only to lower level summoners. Hibibi knew that it was no coincidence that after Orochimaru betrayed his village many contracted ninjas were suddenly marked off the snake scroll. After which, he wasnÆt used all that much.

To many, this wasnÆt too great of a problem. Some, like the great Manda, even disliked being summoned frequently. But to ones such as Hibibi, it was practically damning. The entire reason creatures agreed to contracts in the first place was the exchange. The exchange was that in giving a small, or large depending, amount of energy and a sacrifice, the ninja would gain an ally in his battle. The energy and sacrifice would mostly go into bringing the summoned from its realm, but a bit of it went into the creature itself, strengthening it.

When Orochimaru killed the lesser snake-users, he basically screwed over any chance of Hibibi and others like him to gain a higher position in their circle. Thus, one might see why Orochimaru wasnÆt well liked among the weaker snakes. However, given that Orochimaru never used any of the weak ones, he probably wasnÆt even aware of his own infamy among them, let alone actually caring about it.

ôAhàö Anko groaned, before pulling the snake out from her fishnet and tossing it onto a lower branch. ôCareful, the girlÆs a Hyuuga, sheÆll likely spot you unless sheÆs distracted.ö Her warning caused the snake to pause in its descent down the tree. Thinking of how to get close to the girl without her noticing.

Given that the Hyuuga clan had that irritating eyesight, it seemed unlikely that he would be able to get close. But, although Hibibi was weak compared to his brothers, he had a trump card. This one ability was why Anko found him useful, and thus pretty much the only reason he got out at all. He could cloak himself to most chakra sensing. He could him emit a low concentration of vibrations around him, humming really. This caused the natural chakra that the air had in it to yield to around him and allow him to hide within that empty space. This was only possible because of his low level chakra though, if he had a large chakra system, like many of his betters, he wouldnÆt be able to hide within the gap because his power would cause too many æripplesÆ in his movement. Still, with the Hyuuga, he would have to be extra careful. He didnÆt know if their eyes would be able to spot him.

ôHuhàö Anko grunted, noticing that Hinata had finally found her. ôHer field of visionà its better then that Neju kidÆs.ö Anko had distanced herself by three kilometers, one kilometer past the other HyuugaÆs limit. When she heard about the boy, she had looked up all his specs in his GEAR file. All jounin instructors were required to post data about their genin while they were under their tutelage. The point of this was to evaluate their mental stability. If they showed signs of turning traitor, they were placed under a higher observation. Depending on the observerÆs report, they were cleared, sent for æspecialÆ training, or in some extreme cases, executed.

Of course, the æspecialÆ training didnÆt always turn out right. An example of this would be Uchiha Sasuke who, after being reported, had been ætrainedÆ by Hatake Kakashi. In retrospect, it wasnÆt a bright idea for the bratÆs teacher to train him, Anko wasnÆt convinced that he actually did the proper brainwashing techniques, but there wasnÆt a rule against it.

Some of course, fell under the radar of these reports, but that would only be in some extreme cases, such as Uchiha Itachi and OrochimaruÆs betrayal respectively. Itachi had actually only been a genin for a short period of time before being promoted though, and Orochimaru had become legendary before the reports even existed. The Genin Evaluation of Activity Report it was called, and it was the reason the Leaf ranked among the lowest on the bracket of missing nins, the only ones lower being dinky little villages, like the Waterfall.

GEAR files could grow quite large, for as long as you were a genin, you were always under at least a small amount of observation. The reports were full of damning information though, and they were completely destroyed when the genin was promoted. They also required a rank of at least jounin to see them. Anko was very pleased that special-jounin still counted as jounin in cases like these.

Anko broke out of her musings as she heard several kunai whistling through the air towards her, seems her traps didnÆt deter her opponent much.

Snatching the two sharp projectiles, Anko immediately threw them by at their owner. The tags didnÆt last long enough to get to their new target though and exploded in midair. Anko smirked slightly into the smoke, that girlà had predicted her. The smoke was too dense to be from a normal tag; obviously Hinata was planning on taking advantage of her enhanced vision. AnkoÆs radius of sight was tiny, whereas the Hyuuga girl likely had an almost perfect view.

Aware that standing in one place like a dolt wasnÆt going to be very productive, Anko decided to drop onto the ground, even if that was likely part of the girlÆs plan. Using a small amount of chakra, Anko caught at air particles and slowed her descent, hoping to grasp the area better. Unfortunately, Hinata had other ideas. Jumping from her perch, the Byakugan user fell towards her sparring partner with chakra bleeding from her deadly hands.

Quickly throwing the energy she used to slow herself in an angled direction, Anko dodged out of the way of the heiressÆ leaping attack. Anko tugged a kunai from her thigh holster and threw it at the other girl, before frowning slightly as she saw it get deflected.

ôMmmà pretty good, you found me.ö Anko complimented, æEven though I wasnÆt really tryingàÆ

ôàö HinataÆs face expressed her concentration vividly as she stared at her sparring partner. Her stance was still defensive, but this was less from her innate emotions and more due to her wariness of her opponent.

ôWell,ö A grin flashed AnkoÆs face, ôItÆs still game over, for youö HinataÆs confusion showed, until she felt her a presence above her. Too late, the heiress prepared to defend against a volley of projectiles, and thus was unprepared for the enemy to fall right on top of her.

A flash of slimy green was all the visual warning Hinata had before the animal fell onto her shoulders and tightened its body in a ready, but not deadly position. A raspy voice whispered into her ear, ôSssàall?ö Its tongue flicked into her earlobe, the tone laced with an air ofà disappointment?

Great, even snakes were finding her wanting.

ôLike I said,ö AnkoÆs voice distracted her from her looming depressing, ôPretty good.ö The special-jounin walked leisurely over to the stilled Hyuuga, grasping her shoulder in a friendly gesture. ôBut, you made quite a few mistakes.ö Feeling the snake loosen itself from its tight embrace and slither onto the other womanÆs own arm, Hinata nodded shamefully.

ôSo,ö AnkoÆs tone was completely neutral as she spoke, ôWhy did you lose?ö Shaking her head slightly, Hinata wondered what she meant.

ôWhat I mean isà what mistakes did you make? Why did you make them? How can you overcome them, not do them again?ö AnkoÆs even tone of voice didnÆt change, but she raised a single eyebrow in question.

ôUmàö Hinata stuttered, a sudden case of nervousness caused her to point her forefingers together in habit. ôIà donÆt knowà Iàö HinataÆs thoughts spiraled downward as she panicked, æI wasnÆt strong enough to beat a jouninà why she asking me such an obvious thingà IÆm just too weakàÆ

ôChe!ö The scoff caused Hinata to wince, ôLookàö Hinata bowed her head, unable to look as she was scolded. ôHey! Look at me!ö Jumping nervously, Hinata hesitantly did as she was instructed. Expecting an annoyed and somewhat angry expression, the Hyuuga heiress was surprised to only see a bemused look on the other womanÆs face.

ôI see that you havenÆt done any sort of review before, huh?ö AnkoÆs laugh was self-depreciating, ôSorry, didnÆt think I was the only ninja who got trained so meticulously.ö The soft æpoofÆ sound of the summoned snake disappearing, along with the laugh caused Hinata to lose her overwhelming panic and look at her sparring partner with confused eyes.

ôOkay!ö Anko clapped, startling Hinata once again, ôLetÆs go over the battle, short that it was.ö

ôThe first mistake you made was when you gave up the advantage of first strike.ö Anko said in a bizarre lecturing tone. ôWhen you did that, you left yourself open to attack.ö Hinata tilted her head, ôButàö Her voice interrupted, ôThe academy instructors taught us toà to strike from the shadows, to not rush in headfirst.ö Anko waved her hand dismissively, ôYes, yesàBut thatÆs only when you actually have an equal or only slightly differentiating level in skill. When your opponent is at a much higher level of power then you, there is almost no possible way that you will be able to fool them with petty deception, like hiding within the foliage.ö Anko shrugged her shoulders, ôInstinctively, you knew this, and thus you stood in one spot, defensive in your position.ö Anko stopped, before jabbing her finger in front of HinataÆs face. ôBut! You let me, a special-jounin, someone who likely has a lot more tricks up her sleeve, take the first moveà that was a mistake.ö Lowering her finger, Anko looked at Hinata solemnly. ôItÆs only a good idea to be defensive against a stronger opponent if youÆre delaying for time. My own tactic of distracting you with simple explosive tags and kunai while I set up more traps is a good example of buying time.ö Hinata nodded to this mutely.

ôYou showed that you could also be very offensive, but you only did so after I had already set up a clear position in the battlefield. This allowed me to summon that snake that took you out, while you were busying avoiding my traps and finding me. Also,ö Anko paused again to look at Hinata seriously, ôWhen you went on the attack, you were too focused on me, which left you completely open to my friendÆs attack.ö At this, Hinata mumbled something barely audible. ôMmm?ö Anko leaned her head closer, ôSpeak up!ö

ôIà I usually see all my incoming opponents before they attackà I didnÆt expect yourà um, your friend to get me like thatàö Anko nodded at this. ôItÆs true, Hibibi does have a tendency to sneak up on even the wary.ö Hinata felt slightly better at this, she wasnÆt a complete failure. ôBut thatÆs no excuse!ö That feeling died a horrible and bloody death. ôHibibiÆs skill is being able to blend somewhat well with the sort of æbackgroundÆ noise of the worldÆs natural energy. This works with most ninja, but as a user of the Byakugan, you should have easily been able to spot him.ö Hinata bowed her, her cheeks burning with embarrassment.

ôOn top of that,ö AnkoÆs voice seemed like a hammer to Hinata, pounding what little pride in her abilities she had left. ôWhile your usage of kunai and explosive tags was good, it was also glaringly obvious and incomplete. Even though you got me at close range again with your battle tactics, you didnÆt seem to really have any initial plan besides that. If you had given it a bit of thought, before you attacked you may have wanted to set up traps or some kind of field advantage in the battleground you set.ö

Anko shrugged at the girlÆs hunched form. ôSo, yeah,ö Her calmer voice shook Hinata out of her self-berating. ôThatÆs something you need to work on.ö HinataÆs eyebrows rose in surprise, this wasnÆt quite what she was used to. ôUmàö She felt soà stupid. ôH-howà?ö Hinata trailed off, her courage depleted.

ôHm?ö Anko grunted as she leaned forward, raising HiantaÆs nervousness as the other womanÆs face loomed closer to her own with a disturbing look of scrutiny on it. ôHowà what?ö Anko repeated, her eyes locked onto HinataÆs. ôH-howàö She stopped as she tried to regain control of her vocal cords. ôHow do Ià work on it?ö

AnkoÆs face was blank for a moment, öGeeze!ö She slapped her own forehead in exasperation. ôHow do youà oh for crying outàö Anko lid her hand down her face slowly, ôLook,ö The special-jouninÆs voice had an air of disbelief to it. ôMeet me here tomorrow, at around the same time I arrived here today, and IÆll show youà ækay?ö Not waiting for an answer, Anko did an about-face and began to walk away.

ôIà uhàö Hinata stood there spluttering for a few seconds, ôO-okayàö She murmured to the empty training area.

Sighing, Hinata turned around as well and began to walk back to the Hyuuga ancestral home. While she wasnÆt as physically tried as yesterday, she felt like an entire army of NejiÆs had just smacked around her mind. Her emotions were taxed from all the surprises during and after her 'spar' with the special-jounin. On top of that, while she wasnÆt as drained as the previous dayÆs workout, her muscles were screaming in protest, as they hadnÆt completely recovered from her last session. She felt more tried then she had in almost her entire life, barring life-and-death situations.

Hinata never felt better.

---

Before the sun even risen out of its shadow, a certain dark-haired special-jounin was awoken by the sounds of her blaring alarm. Quickly destroying the annoying piece of machinery, Anko rose from her bed like a zombie; she was most definitely not a morning person. It was speculated by her colleagues that she didnÆt completely wake up from a rest until she had feasted upon the flesh of at least three innocents. Said colleagues usually didnÆt say anything like that again, especially around her at morning time, unless they felt that they were innocent enough to be used in said sacrifice.

In actuality, Anko didnÆt feel completely awake until she had devoured four innocents, innocent dango that is.

Blinking wearily, Anko opened her refrigerator and whipped out a stick of cold rice cake dumplings. Others would likely have been quite leery of eating cold dango, especially week old dango, but Anko, be it through stupidity or just a fanatical wanting of the desert, swiftly chomped down the round treats. Quickly chugging some milk, Anko bounded out of her apartment at top speeds towards the Hokage tower.

She had a plan! A plan that would, hopefully, relieve her of her all present boredom.

It had struck her during her walk home after her training session with the Hyuuga girl. Actually that wasnÆt it exactly, it hadnÆt really been a spar as she had first identified it as, but rather, it was training the girl. Training, and Anko after reflecting on the evening, had realized that she had a lot of fun doing it. That had brought a shock. Her, Mitarashi Anko, had enjoyed training a little brat. It was amusing because she had turned down countless offers of becoming a jounin instructor. It was a fairly simple way for one to get out the æspecialÆ category of the jounin, simply train a team of genin and you could get a fairly easy promotion to jounin. Of course, Anko hated all the little bastards; she had actually only taken part of various chuunin exams because she liked watching them die bloody deaths.

Now here she was, on her way towards the instructor for Hinata to get Kurenai to pass the girl off to her.

Anko shook her head, bemused. Well, it was an easy way to get her mind off things like the lack of missions at her disposal. Actually, with an apprentice, sheÆd be able to pass under the radar of those pissy bastards on the council and get missions. Granted, they would be lower level missions then she would have liked, mostly C, maybe a B mission if she was lucky. The reason behind this was because she wouldnÆt actually be getting one for herself, but rather for her æteamÆ. Ninja could not take any vacation time while a team was under their control. There were several reasons for this rule, one was that it was just good common sense for a team to stick together. Another was that there had been multiple mishaps because some idiot shinobi had tried taking their off time and had left their team at a major disadvantage, which more often then not resulted in the deaths of many ninja.

The only way the council would be able to stop her activities would be to directly remove her from active duty. But that would likely cause the whole situation to be brought under a lot of unwanted attention, and Anko knew that the old bastards wanted to keep their damn prejudices hidden.

In other words, it was the perfect plan. Well, so long as she could get HinataÆs instructor to agree, but Anko had a few cards up her sleeve in case Kurenai wasnÆt cooperative.

ôYuuhi!ö Anko finally found the jounin. She knew that she was quite lucky in this regard, practically all the ninja in Konoha were constantly getting long term missions, æbesides meÆ Anko thought bitterly, so it was quite difficult to get a chance to talk to any specific shinobi.

ôMitarashi?ö The red-eyed woman blinked slightly as she halted and glanced at Anko. ôIs there something you need, I just got back from a three-day mission, and I need to give my report.ö KurenaiÆs voice was laced with fatigue and irritation, æPerfectÆ thought Anko sinisterly.

ôMmmàö Anko tilted her head and placed a finger on her cheek, ôYesà there was something I needed to ask you,ö Anko leaned forward in a gossipy way, ôIÆd rather it be private though.ö WouldnÆt want anyone to interrupt. Kurenai nodded warily, and both she and Anko moved into a currently unused office.

ôWell,ö The genjutsu specialist paused, ôWhat is it?ö Anko took a moment to sniff the air; a faint odor was coming from the other woman, likely, she hadnÆt had time to clean herself in the past three days.

ôMmmàö Anko took a moment to gather her thoughts. How to get to the subjectà Well, subtly was never AnkoÆs strong suit soà ôI want Hinata.ö The statement was so out of nowhere that Kurenai simply blinked for a few seconds. ôWhat?ö Her tone was utterly confused. ôI said I want Hinata. As in as my genin.ö AnkoÆs bluntness caught Kurenai completely off guard. ôWhatà whyà? What are you talking about?ö

Sighing, Anko leaned against the wall. ôIÆveà taken an interest in the Hyuuga, I want to take herà under my wing, as it were.ö Anko paused to let this sink in a bit more. ôIÆve noticed that you havenÆt really be able to give your team all the attention it needs.ö Actually, Anko was just guessing on this one, but it was a fair assumption. ôSo, when I saw that the girl wasnÆt really getting much done without an instructor, I figured IÆd take her off your hands.ö

Kurenai had her brows furrowed in thought; obviously she didnÆt have the time anymore to give her team the proper guidance it needed. That was true, butà ôWhy now? Why Hinata?ö The question was expected, but Anko still paused in thought. ô...SheÆs gotà spunk.ö Half-truths were nice. ôShe has a tenacity thatÆs quiteà interesting.ö Yes, not the whole reason, but part of it.

Kurenai said nothing for a few minutes, her overtaxed mind going into overdrive as it weighed the pros and cons of the situation. Anko was starting to grow slightly nervous, would she just accept it at that, or would she need to keep badgering her?

ôAlrightàö Anko held back a sigh of relief, ôBut only if you take my whole team.ö Anko bit back a curse. She only wanted Hinata, an apprentice, not a whole friggÆin team of idiots.

ôNo.ö KurenaiÆs surprised look was a treat, ôI only want Hinata.ö Anko wasnÆt going to back down on this, and she had spent some of the night thinking up reasons for it.

ôButàö Anko cut off the red-eyed jounin. ôBoth Inuzuka Kiba and Aburame Shino are already being instructed in their family styles, by their families.ö Anko looked away, to make an image of disgruntlement. ôHinataÆs family isnÆt giving her any such training, her father is too busy with her cousin and sister. And as her instructor is far too busy with high ranked missions, sheÆs pretty much the only one of her team with nothing to do.ö Anko could easily see that her argument was swaying Kurenai towards her side, only a matter of persistence now. ôWith that in mind, I think that HinataÆs potential is definitely being wasted as it is.ö AnkoÆs words caused Kurenai to jerk slightly and Anko blinked, that wasnÆt the reaction that she had been expecting.

ôAlright,ö This time Anko was the one caught off guard, Kurenai caving so quickly was quite strange. ôIÆll place Hinata as your subordinate under the condition that you do your very best to bring out HinataÆs potential.ö Ah, that was it; even Kurenai had started to doubt that her Hyuuga genin would be able to get passed her handicaps. When your own hope is waning, but you still care about the student, why wouldnÆt you want to pass them to a more interested teacher?

ôI was going to do that anyway,ö said Anko with a dismissive air, ôYou donÆt need to worry.ö Damn, victory tasted sweet indeed, almost as good as dango. Not quite of course, but still pretty close.

After a brief farewell and assurance that she would take care of the documentation, Anko left the stinky woman and sashayed towards the assignment office.

æHey, if I do this quickly, I may be able to grab a few bites of dango before my meeting time with Hinata.Æ Thought Anko with a blissful sigh, things were looking quite bright today indeed.

---

Dawn had just arrived in the village hidden in the leaves when Hinata awoke from her deep and restful slumber. Her white eyes, so revered among ninjas, flickered open, focusing on the darkness of her room.

Quickly removing herself from the mattress, the heiress slipped out of her sleepwear and pulled on her shinobi clothing. After a nervous glance at the mirror within the darkened bedroom, Hinata slipped out of her room and began to trek out of the Hyuuga estate. While it was normal to eat breakfast with the rest the head family, Hinata was far too nervous to eat anything before her training.

Mitarashi-san had offered to help the heiress, and Hinata was glad for any help that she could get. She didnÆt want to burden her teammates, who were getting training from their families, or her sensei, who was very busy with the high level missions from Konoha, but she also wanted to become stronger. However, if she truly wanted to grow, she couldnÆt do it alone. She needed some sort of guidance in her training, someone who could point out all her mistakes and help her rise above them.

Hunching slightly, Hinata buried herself in her bulky jacket before walking out of her home. She had a bit of time before she was supposed to meet the special-jounin, and she hoped that a walk might calm her nerves.

Gazing at the falling sakura blossoms, HinataÆs thoughts were idly brought to her crushÆs crush: Haruno Sakura. From what Hinata heard, the girl had been apprenticed to the Fifth herself, and was training intensively, Hinata envied her. She had focus, she had determination, and she had Naruto. Flushing slightly, Hinata shook away the nasty feelings that sprang up from that train of thought.

While she did envy the girl, she also had a bit of admiration for her. While Hinata hadnÆt been all that impressed with her performance during the chuunin exam, she had little room to talk, and Hinata could easily see that she was improving herself at a rapid rate if one of the great three would train her personally.

Sighing, Hinata bleakly thought about her own prospects for teachers. While Kurenai-sensei was an excellent teacher, she had little experience in training someone whose style was completely based around a doujutsu/taijutsu mixture, as Kurenai was a genjutsu specialist. Her father had pretty much given up any hope for her when her younger sister Hanabi had defeated her in several short spars. It wasnÆt that Hanabi was a genius similar to Neji, but she was more determined then Hinata. She didnÆt hesitant before a blow, didnÆt flinch when she was struck. She was simply more of a fighter then Hinata.

Hinata noticed idly that she was almost to the training ground, something that came far too quickly for her liking. Hinata held back another depressed sigh when she saw Anko standing in the middle of the area.

æIÆm probably late,Æ Hinata bemoaned silently. æI donÆt really want to find out what Mitarashi-san is like when sheÆs angry.Æ

ôGood morning!ö The bright greeting caused the great weight on her shoulders to lessen slightly; she might not be in trouble. ôG-good morning.ö Hinata timidly replied to her sparring partner as she halted a short distance away from her.

ôHere,ö Anko chucked an object at Hinata, who fumbled briefly as she barely managed to catch it.

ôWhatÆs this?ö The heiressÆ voice was laced with curiosity as she examined the item û a scroll.

ôItÆs a reassignment form. If you sign it, youÆll officially be my student.ö AnkoÆs voice was completely even, not giving away the slightest bit of emotion.

ôWha!?ö Hinata looked at the special-jounin in shock. ôWhatà butà?ö The black-haired genin paused, collecting her wits, before glancing at Anko seriously. ôWhat about my team? Kurenai-sensei, Kiba-ku-ô

Anko cut Hinata off as a panicked expression began to set in. ôAll taken care of. I saw Yuuhi a little over an hour ago and she allowed me to take you off her team roster. Both Inuzuka and Shino Aburame are busy being trained by their families. And if you sign that scroll, I can send it through the system and all the paperwork will be complete in a matter of hours.ö

ôKurenai-sensei didà?ö Hinata felt like some had punched her in the gut. Even Kurenai, who had encouraged her so much, was losing interest in her. At times like these, Hinata felt smaller then ever, like an insect. Only, even lower, since Shino had shown how powerful insects could be. How pitiful, weaker then a bugà

ôHey!ö AnkoÆs sharp bark startled Hinata out of her looming depression. ôShe was really reluctant about it at first, but I was able to convince her. It has nothing to do with whether or not she wanted you on her team.ö Anko paused at the half-truth, ôShe simply doesnÆt have time anymore with Konoha in its current situation. So, with me all eager to teach you, and Yuuhi wanting to have you proper trained, I donÆt think it was that hard of a choice, eh?ö Anko grinned at her slight omission.

The words seemed to be getting through to the Hyuuga, but Hinata frowned as some of the dango-obsessed special-jouninÆs words caught up with her. ôYouà. want to teach me?ö For the first time since Hinata knew the bloodthirsty woman, she looked slightly uncomfortable. ôWell, yeah.ö Anko stopped, delaying by scratching her nose. ôI mean, itÆs beenà an interesting experience, teaching you and such.ö Hinata looked uneasy at the other womanÆs words.

ôButà why?ö The heiress licked her suddenly dry lips. ôYouÆre soàö Hinata paused as she struggled for the appropriate words. However, after a few moments of silence, Anko spoke up. ôWhat? IÆmà funny, amazingly sociable, stunningly gorgeous and utterly deadlyà Yes, I know, thanks.ö Hinata pouted slightly as the jounin let out a small laugh.

ôNo! ThatÆs not what I mean!ö The Hyuuga girl stopped, suddenly realizing how her words sounded. ôIà I mean, thatÆs notà I mean you are, butàö Anko waved off HinataÆs panicked stammers as she grinned at the genin. ôI know what you meant. However, a better question might be: Why not?ö

ôIàö Hinata frowned, and then looked at the woman opposite of her strangely. ôIÆmà weak. YouÆre strong, why would you want to teach somebody like me?ö The heiress ducked her head as her own words battered at her frail ego.

ôHinata,ö AnkoÆs tone caused the genin to look up again. ôNo one is born strong. No one is strong at first; I certainly wasnÆt very good when I was your age. Even the gods and demons so feared in this world were once weak, with power no greater then any mortal child.ö Hinata stared at Anko, her pale-white eyes wide in wonder.

ôHinata,ö Anko walked over the girl and hunched so that she was level with her. ôI promise, if you become my apprentice, even if I put you through hell to do so, IÆll make you strong.ö AnkoÆs voice was soft, but commanding, and her words resonated deeply within Hinata. At that moment, the Hyuuga heiress would have done anything that the other woman may have asked of her without question.

Never, not in her entire life, had anybody told Hinata anything like that with such certainty. Her world was encompassed by such words as æsuch is expected from a Hyuuga heirÆ or æif you work hard enough for it, you can achieve anything.Æ And when those never worked, her betters just seemed to give her up for a failure, frustrated by her lack of progress. She had only dreamed of possibilities in which she would become stronger, and could only look on in envy towards those who had such power within their grasp.

To have someone tell her that she would become stronger, without any question of failureà

Hinata unrolled the scroll and didnÆt hesitate as she wet her fingers in ink, and then signed her name.

Tentatively, almost proudly, Hinata smiled at her new teacher.

Oddly, when Anko returned it with her own twisted grin, it wasn't frightening as she remembered.

---

~Tsuzuku

---

Well, if you've got a sec, tell me what you think. If you find it boring, pointless or just plain drivel, tell me (and a reason why would be nice as well). I personally don't really like the fight scene between Anko and Hinata that much (among other things), but I haven't had the time to revise it.

BTW, GH, if you could go grammar Nazi on me, I'd appreciate it.

EDIT: Added text, I placed a marker at that point just in case. you have trouble finding it.
 

Israfel

Well-Known Member
#2
Here, I've got some spare time on my hands so I'll take a crack at 'betaing' it for you Fatuous One, be warned I'm rather harsh.

The string of foul curses drew quite a few stares, and if Anko had been in a proper state of mind, she might have made some better use of the attention. As it was, her mood was dark enough that she only paid half a mind to her mouth and the nervous glances it brought. Her thoughts were only on savagely biting into her dango, imaging it to be the faces of the Konoha council, and slurping her sake, wishing it was the old men and womenÆs blood instead.
This paragraph is rather awkward and could do with some streanlining, specifically the 'Her thoughts were only on savagely biting into her dango' and 'wishing it was the old men and womenÆs blood instead.' lines just seemed to be really off to me. I'd change the phrasing on the first one and use a different word for the council people on the second one.

the council of old men and women that helped governed much of the Leaf had finally decided to deal with a problematic special-Jounin.
You said 'helped governed' in this line, it should be 'helped govern'. Also you capitilized 'Jounin' in this one when you did not in an earlier one, you should keep your captilization consistent.

Oh, it wasnÆt that she had been removed from her job, or demoted of any sort, but she had been givenà vacation time.
Instead of 'demoted of any sort' it should be 'demoted in any way' or you could just say 'demoted' without the bit on the end.

In actuality, she had been pulled off active duty, and forcefully placed in paid leave.
It should be placed 'placed on paid leave' not 'placed in paid leave.'

Nooooà that would require a brain cell or two between them, all of which they lacked completely!
You need to place another 'to' in the 'a brain cell or two between them' line so that it is 'a brain cell or two to rub between them'. Also the 'all of which they lacked completely' line is awkward and should be revised.

Absently chugging sake from the bottle, Anko smashed the ceramic onto the table with crushing force, her anger renewed. The noise caused many of the other occupants to jump, their revived state of relaxation shattered once more.
This line is an absolute mess grammatically and literally. First of all you should change the first line to 'absently chugging sake' because 'from the bottle' is just added words that you don't need and they weigh the sentence down, description is all well and good but too much can weigh a sentence down so much that it sinks. Secondly the next 'Anko smashed...' line feels very stilted and you should remove the 'crushin force' bit as that is entirely unnecessary and adds nothing to the sentence, we already know she slammed it down there's no need to add the last bit, and it comes off extremely forced as well. Also take out the word 'revived' from the last sentence and just leave it as '...their state of relaxation shattered once more.' as that flows much better.

Growling with frustration, Anko threw a small bungle of ryou onto the counter and left. She wasnÆt completely sure that they covered all of her costs butà bah! She didnÆt give a flying fuck anyway, the placeÆs dango sucked.
You put 'bungle' instead of 'bundle.' Also 'they' from the second sentence should be replaced with 'that', it is a double word but I asssure you it's perfectly grammatically correct. Also the line is somewhat awkward sounding and could use some slight tweaking.

Sticking her hands into the pockets of her beige jacket, Anko stalked the streets, not really paying any attention to her destination.
You should use 'Anko stalked out onto the streets' as it sounds much better.

ôArgghh!!ö Anko suddenly screamed and clutched her head with both hands, drawing dozens of startled stares. ôIÆm so fucking bored!ö Anko moaned piteously as rubbed her hair vigorously.
You forgot a word, it should be 'Anko moaned piteously as she rubbed her hair vigorously.' And the 'piteously--vigorously' thing makes it sound wierd so I'd change that as well.

The most she might scrape together would be some bodyguard job that possibly would end with some bandits attacking.
You should say 'some bodygaurd job that would possibly end with some bandits attacking.' As it sounds stilited the other way.

Thus, most patrols were being tightened, and any missing nins or ronin were going to keep a low profile to try to stay under the VillageÆs radar.
'Missing-nin' by itself is plural, you don't need to say 'missing-nins'. Also you should say 'to try and stay under the villages' radar.' It fits together much better this way.

It was madding!
Should be 'maddening'.

So, in a nutshell, Anko was fucked. Deeply and royally fucked.

ôFuck, IÆm fucked.ö Anko pointed out to the world.
Too many 'fuck's, I realize you're trying to make a point but it gets redundant.

Her mood darkening by the second, the bloodthirsty ninja twisted around a corner of the nearly empty street (her foul murmurs caused many people to take different routes) and ran forcefully into another person.
You should change 'forcefully' to 'straight' or something similiar because it doesn't come out right the other way.

Anko would have gone on from this tangent, likely ending with the kunai nicking the other person, and her licking that yummy liquid off. However, now that Anko actually looked at her target, and saw her trembling, it caused her rant to trail off and really take more then a glance.
Should be 'Anko would have gone on on this tangent'.

Although, you wouldnÆt know it from the way the black-haired GeninÆs petrified look.
Take 'the way' out of this. Then it flows better.

Also, if Anko remembered right, the girlÆs team had been finished second in her exam, not bad considering the first one was that Sand boyÆs team.
Take 'been' out of this sentence.

Hnnà How to have some fun with thisà?
Change 'hnn' to 'hmm'.



This is all I can do for now as it's rather late and I have an early day tomorrow so I'll get around to checking the rest later. Also this is probably riddled with spelling errors of its own because I don't have time to check it so please excuse that if you would.
 

Fatuous One

Well-Known Member
#3
Thanks for the 'beta-ing', harsh is exactly the type of help I'm looking for. :D

I recall that first paragraph giving me a hard time many months ago, and I had to skip over it since the whole point of the fic at the time was to see how much I could write without getting caught up in improper grammar fixing and the like.

I'll edit my post as soon as I can actually get a bit of free time enough to fix all the major and minor mistakes you pointed out. No doubt the rest of it is just as, if not more, riddled with problems as the first part.

EDIT: Done, I think anyway... revised a few sentences, but I ...think they're fine... <_< Ugh, where's the ibuprofen?
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#4
Israfel covered about all of it, I'm guessing.

By the way, since Anko seems to actually be friends with Ibiki, why not involve him a little too? Now THERE's a scary Hinata if I ever saw one. :p
 

Fatuous One

Well-Known Member
#5
Israfel covered about all of it, I'm guessing.

By the way, since Anko seems to actually be friends with Ibiki, why not involve him a little too? Now THERE's a scary Hinata if I ever saw one. :p
I sincerely doubt that Izzy got all of my grammatical mistakes, especially considering he didn't even get past a forth of the chapter before he ran out of time. :p

Very nice idea, BTW, and not something I originally considered. It also would work quite well with what I have/had planned with the fic, that being Hinata eventually utterly demolishing the Hyuuga clan... politically anyway.

Psychological torture is so much fun. :D

Of course, I have the problem of Konoha being extremely busy in my fic, as it's gearing itself up for war. Ibiki would probably be very caught up in things.
 

Hawk

Well-Known Member
#6
> Of course, I have the problem of Konoha being extremely busy in my fic,
> as it's gearing itself up for war. Ibiki would probably be very caught up in
> things.

Ah, but therein lies the beauty with the Ibiki-situation. Expert on interrogation, eh? What do Konoha need if they're preparing for war? Information! How does one go about getting that? By spying, of course. But catching prisoners and interrogating them is also a handy way to get intel.

Hm, Anko has an apprentice. Apprentices needs missions, like say capturing some low-level fluky or possibly even a plain Sound and/or Sand civilian.

With said prisoner in hand, they'd have to be interrogated...

Enter Ibiki.

Anko wants Hinata to toughen up a bit, so... Letting her sit in on the sessions Ibiki has with their captive(s) would probably force the poor thing to develop some thicker skin and learn how to ignore her emotions when the going gets tough.

Once it has gotten to the point where Ibiki starts to feel she might be able to handle it, he might even tell Hinata have a go at some prisoner, sitting back to observe and possibly give a few tidbits of advice from time to time during the proceedings.
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#7
Hawk said:
> Of course, I have the problem of Konoha being extremely busy in my fic,
> as it's gearing itself up for war. Ibiki would probably be very caught up in
> things.

Ah, but therein lies the beauty with the Ibiki-situation. Expert on interrogation, eh? What do Konoha need if they're preparing for war? Information! How does one go about getting that? By spying, of course. But catching prisoners and interrogating them is also a handy way to get intel.

Hm, Anko has an apprentice. Apprentices needs missions, like say capturing some low-level fluky or possibly even a plain Sound and/or Sand civilian.

With said prisoner in hand, they'd have to be interrogated...

Enter Ibiki.

Anko wants Hinata to toughen up a bit, so... Letting her sit in on the sessions Ibiki has with their captive(s) would probably force the poor thing to develop some thicker skin and learn how to ignore her emotions when the going gets tough.

Once it has gotten to the point where Ibiki starts to feel she might be able to handle it, he might even tell Hinata have a go at some prisoner, sitting back to observe and possibly give a few tidbits of advice from time to time during the proceedings.
Nyeheheh. Good call, Hawk.

Yeah, this solution works. Alternatively, you could make it so that BECAUSE of the whole 'readying for war' part, Ibiki actually sort of is unemployed, due to enemies being extra careful to not get caught. Interrogators are only useful and used if someone gets caught, so for the rest of the time, they're mostly going to sit there looking menacing.

Just a thought.
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#9
Fatuous One said:
Hmm... I really hadn't thought of it in those directions... and it does give me a few ideas. :D
Good, good. Be sure those ideas are as creepy as possible. :lol:
 

Fatuous One

Well-Known Member
#11
Isn't the idea of Hinata torturing somebody... and enjoying it creepy as it as? ^_^ I'm trying to make her an mini-Anko after all...

EDIT:
Hehe, Bondage!Hinata. Poor Naruto.
Actually, I had plans for him too, although that was a completely different fic that would been connected to this one.
 

Israfel

Well-Known Member
#12
Isn't the idea of Hinata torturing somebody... and enjoying it creepy as it as?? I'm trying to make her an mini-Anko after all...
Exactly, thus Bondage!Hinata. Hinata in form fitting leather would look awful good now that I think about it.
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#13
Fatuous One said:
Isn't the idea of Hinata torturing somebody... and enjoying it creepy as it as? ^_^ I'm trying to make her an mini-Anko after all...

EDIT:
Hehe, Bondage!Hinata. Poor Naruto.
Actually, I had plans for him too, although that was a completely different fic that would been connected to this one.
Heh. :p

And... fishnet-wearing Hinata >>>>>>>>>> leather clad Hinata. Fishnet FTW.
 

SimmyC

Well-Known Member
#14
Hehehe. Well, if she takes up with the Anko, things can be very interesting. I mean, take off her jacket, what does Anko wear besides the fish nets and obligatory skirt? :rolleyes:
 

Fatuous One

Well-Known Member
#15
Hehehe. Well, if she takes up with the Anko, things can be very interesting. I mean, take off her jacket, what does Anko wear besides the fish nets and obligatory skirt? :rolleyes:
Which is the reason why I think Anko's a bit sex obsessed at times. :p

And... fishnet-wearing Hinata >>>>>>>>>> leather clad Hinata. Fishnet FTW.
Seconded. ^_^
 

Israfel

Well-Known Member
#16
Heh.

And... fishnet-wearing Hinata >>>>>>>>>> leather clad Hinata. Fishnet FTW.
True true. Also just getting Hinata out of the figure hiding jacket she always wears would be a marked improvement.
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#17
SimmyC said:
Hehehe. Well, if she takes up with the Anko, things can be very interesting. I mean, take off her jacket, what does Anko wear besides the fish nets and obligatory skirt? :rolleyes:
I don't think she even wearsa skirt. She, IIRC, had either short tights, or short khakis. Not a skirt.

Temari, on the other hand, I'm 100% positive she wears NOTHING under the robes besides the fishnet. :rolleyes:
 

Israfel

Well-Known Member
#18
I don't think she even wearsa skirt. She, IIRC, had either short tights, or short khakis. Not a skirt.
Nah I'm pretty sure that she wears a skirt, though it's more like a large belt than a skirt.
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#19
Israfel said:
I don't think she even wearsa skirt. She, IIRC, had either short tights, or short khakis. Not a skirt.
Nah I'm pretty sure that she wears a skirt, though it's more like a large belt than a skirt.
Hm... You're right. But can you call THAT a skirt?

Either way, Anko is hot. No denying that.

...if Hinata becomes mini-Anko, will she be eating dango too? Or will she be obsessed by, say... okonomiyaki? <_<
 

Fatuous One

Well-Known Member
#20
Hm... You're right. But can you call THAT a belt?

Either way, Anko is hot. No denying that.

...if Hinata becomes mini-Anko, will she be eating dango too? Or will she be obsessed by, say... okonomiyaki? dry.gif
Yeah, Anko has really skimpy clothing.

I haven't thought that far ahead with Hinata's later personality, but I'd imagine if she got obsessed with a food, it would have sexual undertones. :p Hmm... popsicles anyone?
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#21
Fatuous One said:
Hm... You're right. But can you call THAT a belt?

Either way, Anko is hot. No denying that.

...if Hinata becomes mini-Anko, will she be eating dango too? Or will she be obsessed by, say... okonomiyaki? dry.gif
Yeah, Anko has really skimpy clothing.

I haven't thought that far ahead with Hinata's later personality, but I'd imagine if she got obsessed with a food, it would have sexual undertones. :p Hmm... popsicles anyone?
...popsicles are wasted on Hinata. Let Anko have at 'em. :lol:

*imagines*

*nosebleed*

*KO*

:rolleyes:
 

Fatuous One

Well-Known Member
#22
...popsicles are wasted on Hinata. Let Anko have at 'em. laugh.gif

*imagines*

*nosebleed*

*KO*

:rolleyes:
Actually, now that I think about it, there IS a Japanese candy (or a candy that the Japanese like) that is basically a chocolate covered popsicle of some sort. I'll have to give it a bit of research... ^_^
 

Israfel

Well-Known Member
#23
Nyeheheh. Good call, Hawk.

Yeah, this solution works. Alternatively, you could make it so that BECAUSE of the whole 'readying for war' part, Ibiki actually sort of is unemployed, due to enemies being extra careful to not get caught. Interrogators are only useful and used if someone gets caught, so for the rest of the time, they're mostly going to sit there looking menacing.

Just a thought.
Hmm, that sounds like a good idea though I almost feel sorry for Naruto because when he comes back he's going to be practically jumped by Hinata with her newfound confindence. Anyway the way I'm going to edit the rest of this is just by inserting my commentary straight into the text in bold.


It simply wasnÆt a good day, at least in HinataÆs case. She briefly wondered if she should have even bothered getting up in the morning, but no, she was a Hyuuga, and thus had certain responsibilitiesà like getting out of bed, couldnÆt be caught snoozing into the afternoon after all.

The day wasnÆt bad in the sense that she got anything worse from her father, because well, how could you be extra ignored? But when her sister had decided to get some practice from her elder sister, as her father was busy training their cousinà Well, Hinata thought the chakra burns would heal within a day or so. That isnÆt to say that Hanabi was better then Hinata in skill, in actuality, HinataÆs sister was probably slightly lesser in ability, but the level of conviction in battleà Every time she saw an opening in her younger sisterÆs defense, she hesitated. Any attack she made, she had a small hitch, and Hanabi took advantage of this glaring weakness.

Well, the training with her sister wasnÆt terrible, the duel stopped before long. However, things began to sour from that point. While finding that her sensei, Kurenai, was being bogged down with missions any (should be 'and' not 'any') couldnÆt organize any team meetings wasnÆt a shock, it was a disappointment. Of course, Hinata had considered going to the team meet anyway, but neither Kiba nor Shino would have showed, as they both had found some teachers: their relatives. Thus, Hinata was left without any teammates, and felt significantly lacking without them when she tried training(You should either say 'she felt lacking without them when training' or 'she felt lacking without them when she trained'.). Added onto that, it turned out that Hanabi was trying to copy Neji, as Hinata found her chakra system slightly out of whack when started to train. Hinata really didnÆt want to know if premature testing with the Sixty-four Point Hands technique had any bad side effects.

Mildly disheartened and slightly weary, Hinata had taken a short break for lunch, when she had run intoà this person. One might not typically be instantly afraid of Anko, even if she was cursing you to hell, but Hinata had sudden flashbacks to when the woman threw a kunai at Naruto at the Chuunin exam, and thenà licked the blood off his cheek. While Hinata didnÆt have any real problems with blood, she was greatly disturbed by the examinerÆs attitude. And to incite her wrath on an already unpleasant dayà What rotten luck." (You're capitilization after you use the '...' is a little wonky and I'd try and keep it consistent if I were you.)

ôYouÆre a Hyuuga, ainÆt cha?ö The question brought Hinata out of stupor, and she nodded stiffly. While the woman frightened the pale heiress, to a high degree, she should at least give a resemblance of an answer. (Should be 'a semblence of an answer' or something along those lines because even that sounds slightly awkward, I'd rather just revise the whole sentence.)

ôUmàö Hinata began, hoping to quickly apologize and leave the scary womanÆs presence.

ôHuh,ö Anko grunted, interrupting Hinata. ôHinata, right?ö Anko asked, then continued without waiting for confirmation. ôWell, I think we need to do something about your attitude.ö The words brought a flood of indignation that Hinata immediately beat back down.

ôàö Hinata grasped for something to say to the smirking woman, but could only gasp out half formed syllables. Again, without really waiting for an answer, Anko grabbed HinataÆs hand with a snakelike quickness, and then began to barrel away with the poor girl, destination unknown. (You should say either take the 'a' out of 'with a snakelike quickness' or change the sentence entirely, I'd go with the second. Also I don't believe 'snakelike' is a word.)

Running along with the black-haired special-Jounin wasnÆt easy.(You should use 'keeping up with' instead of 'running along with' because it sounds better.) Whenever Hinata stumbled slightly or tripped, her arm felt like it was being ripped out of its socket, as Anko didnÆt slow in her sprinting. Her grip was also extremely uncomfortable in its tightness, and Hinata could feel her hand nerves numbing as the blood circulation was blocked. (I'd rework the 'her grip was also extremely uncomfortable in its tightness' line because it sounds very awkward.)

It seemed to take hours, almost running into a surprised pedestrian, taking a sharp curve into an alley as a short cut, the occasional, all too brief, stop to check the area. Eventually however, Hinata found herself out of the village shopping district and into one of its training zones. Actuallyà (This paragraph has WAY too many commas, either trim some words off of it or rephrase some of it because it sounds very disjointed the way it is here. Also the trailng 'Actually...' is rather ill fitting and I'd change it, but that's just me, there's nothing actually wrong with it it just sounds bad.)

ôThisàö Hinata paused as she drew several deep breaths, only now realizing how much the dash had taken out of her. Foolish really, as a ninja, she should have used some chakra to boost her stamina. ôThis isà my teamÆs training zoneàö HinataÆs comment caused Anko to glance at her sharply, slightly startled by the revelation.

ôEh,ö Anko waved off her own unease, ôwell, thatÆs good then.ö So what if this was her teamÆs training ground when she was a Genin?

ôNow!ö Anko barked as she pointed a finger at Hinata menacingly, causing the girl to jump. ôTime for yourà training.ö The way she said the word ætrainingÆ seemed to pronounce something entirely different then what Hinata would normally envision. æTortureÆ or æbloody slaughterÆ would probably fit the tone better in HinataÆs book.

It was all she could do to hold back a whimper.

---

Anko was impressed.

It wasnÆt the fact that the girl was really good or anything. In actuality, her skills were somewhat sub par compared to many other Genins currently on the roster.(You should put a dash between 'sub' and 'par'.) Her attitude wasnÆt even particularly good, far too much of a defeatist. But it was theà spark.(Put the '...' before the 'the spark' instead of in the middle of it, it'll sound better.) Hinata honestly wanted to become stronger. She didnÆt want to be a good ninja, she didnÆt want to be acknowledged, and she didnÆt have any sort of grand ædreamÆ to live.(You should change the last bit of this sentence to 'and she didn't have nay sort of grand 'dream' she wanted to live.') She simply wanted to become stronger, a stronger warrior, a stronger individual. (You should add a third 'a stronger______' because it'll flow much better that way, with only two it comes off sounding choppy.) Granted, those other things sure would be niceà but they werenÆt her heartÆs desire. (Change 'those other things sure would be nice' to 'those other things would sure be nice', it sounds better that way.)

Anko knew all this, simply by the beat of her palms, the glint of her eyes, the gasps of her lungs. Perhaps she was reading the girl wrong butà she didnÆt think so.

ôAlrighty,ö Anko said brightly, halting their session. ôThatÆs enough of that,ö Hinata collapsed accordingly, ôfor now anyway.ö Anko smirked as she heard the pale geninÆs groan of exhaustion. (You forgot to do a transition scene where Anko gets Hinata to start training, as it is we're left kinda feeling like we missed a few paragraphs somewhere in there.)

Whistling cheerfully, Anko turned away from the tired ninja girl, dusted off her untouched clothing, and then began to walk away

ôW-waitàö The black-haired special-jounin paused and turned her head at the other girlÆs voice. ôYeah?ö Her voice now slightly grumpy sounding, she wanted dango, damn it. ôT-thank youàö The Hyuuga heiress grimaced as she flexed a sore muscle. ôThank you, Mitarashi-san.ö Anko raised a curious eyebrow; she hadnÆt expected that, given how much of a beating had been laid on the girl.

ôYeah,ö Anko smirked slightly, ôNo problem.ö

Walking away, AnkoÆs smirk widened as she heard a tiny thud accompanied by a small groan of pain as the young girl tried, and obviously failed, to fully lift herself off the dirt.

---

ôAhhà Fuckàö Anko swore as she stretched some kinks. She most definitely wasnÆt a morning person. While the workout with the Hyuuga girl wasnÆt difficult, the smashing she had after had been.

ôManà I donÆt remember the last time I was so shit-faced.ö Anko grumped as (she) used a bit of her chakra to clear her hangover, a small trick she had picked up from her tutelage under Orochimaru. There were certainly advantages to getting trained by a man completely obsessed with learning every kind of technique available, even the mostly useless ones. Anko shook her head, bemused as she recalled the skills that her former teacher had picked up. Really, what use was a skill that made soapy water instead of clean?

Although her sensei had argued that it could be useful in certain situations, the fact was that he had more useful skills involving tainted water techniques in his arsenal.

ôCheap bastard was probably just teaching me that useless stuff so he could go back to his butchering.ö Anko mumbled, a macabre mood starting to settle in. Quickly finishing her stretching, Anko brushed her teeth at light speed and zipped out of her apartment, she had better things to do then (to) go all broody about the past.

Bouncing energetically, Anko skipped her way over to her favorite stand,(change this so it reads like this 'Anko skipped over to her favorite dango stand'.) the one that was closed for repairs yesterday, forcing her to eat dango elsewhere. Of course, the whole reason the repairs were needed was that stupid fuckwad messenger had decided to inform her of the councilÆs decision of her æpaid leaveÆ while she was eating there. DidnÆt even get a chance to refuse it, or even become aware of it before it was past. Those thoughts brought AnkoÆs cheerful mood down a few notches, added to the fact that it might be difficult for the owner to forgive her for trashing his standà

ôStupid old fuckers.ö Anko cursed as she arrived at KazokuÆs. ôHey! Old man, whaÆcha got for me?ö

ôI got a knife for your gut,ö A brown-haired middle-aged man, who went by the name of Kazoku, replied, although his tone belied any ill intent.

ôHuh,ö Anko grunted as she sat onto nearby stool, ôwell, IÆd rather have some dango, but if youÆd like to tryàö Anko spread her lips in a toothy, and vicious, smile.

ôEh,ö Kazoku huffed, before sliding a flimsy paper tray with four skewed rice cake dumplings over to her. ôI hope yaÆ choke on em.ö He said before turning to another customer, one who he was much more polite to.

Grinning infuriatingly, Anko quickly munched on her favorite food. Soon devouring all their dull sweet goodness, Anko repeatedly ordered more. The owner, knowing of AnkoÆs antics, always had a new tray of dango for her to consume within her bottomless stomach. After emptying her wallet, Anko left the stand, completely content.

However, this good mood soon fled as she run into someone she wasnÆt too keen on seeing, alive away. (Change 'run' to 'ran'.)

ôHomura-samaàö Anko grit her teeth, faking a bright smile. ôHowà nice to see you.ö Homura snorted.

ôDonÆt play coy, Ankoö Damn it, even his voice grated on her nerves. ôI know you, at least somewhat well, you probably want to rip my guts out and hang with me them.ö

æFucking right I do, old bastard.Æ Anko mental growled out, æBut before that IÆd start taking you apart, piece-by-piece. First, IÆd chop off your fingers, then cauterize the stubs, and then IÆd slowly shove each one up your old wrinkly assà thenàÆ

ôOf course not, Homura-samaö Anko said sweetly. æIÆd move onto your toes, hacking them off, before feeding them to you. After you had ten delicious meaty bits, IÆd have some snakes gnaw the rest of your feet off up to your shins. None poisonous of course, wouldnÆt want you to succumb prematurelyàÆ

Homura shook his head slowly, ôPerhaps if you were more honestàö his voice trailed off, knowing that he wasnÆt helping matters.

æMORE HONEST!?Æ Anko mentally screamed at the hypocrisy of the old man. æI was completely honest at the beginning, and you assholes acknowledged that by throwing me in prison for a few months.Æ It wasnÆt technically a prison, but she was placed under house arrest, and considering she used to live at OrochimaruÆs household, she was transferred to a bare apartment that had far too much of a resemblance to a prison cell for her liking at the time.

ôWhy, Homura-sama, what ever do you mean?ö AnkoÆs tone was even more sickly sweet. At this point, a deaf man could have heard the malice oozing from her.

Once again Homura shook his head, almostà pityingly. Before walking away with a brief farewell.

ôYeah, see ya, you old fucking bag of rotten flesh and maggoty bone marrow.ö AnkoÆs ire grew in lengths and bounds as she stalked away, her rage even greater then the previous night.

Her dark mood only grew with her boredom. After a few minutes of simply pacing without a proper outlet, Anko was close to screaming in utter frustration.

ôFuck it,ö Anko growled, ôIÆm going to blow some shit up.ö And with that, Anko scaled a nearby building and hightailed it over to her old training grounds.

---

ôHya!ö HinataÆs open palm struck the log with a resounding whack. She felt the force of the blow smack into her, stinging, and travel up through her arm as part of a vibration.

ôHya!ö Idly, she wondered if yelling like this was really necessary. Granted, while doing so caused certain abdominal muscles to clench, and thus strengthening her blow, she could do the same by just consciously controlling the muscles themselves.

ôàö

ôHya!ö Neverthelessà She wasnÆt exactly an expert on fighting. This was the way she was taught, and unless she had a teacher to bounce ideas off of, one she was currently lacking, she would keep to the same routine, and hope.

ôHya! à Hya!ö Sighing, Hinata dropped her stance and plopped down on the ground. It really was no use. She couldnÆt improve that way, she wasnÆt Rock Leeà she simply didnÆt have the motivation to do that to herself. She wasnÆt Neji, who could do things, just because he was that good. She wasnÆtà she wasnÆt Naruto, who could do anything with pure will. Exhaling loudly, Hinata cupped her face with both hands, racking her brain for any sort of improvement she could make to herselfà and was coming up with a very discouraging NOTHING floating up.(this last sentence 'exhaling...up' is very strange sounding, I would change the 'make to herself' and 'floating up' lines, I would take 'floating up' out entirely actually.)

ôUh, you done?ö Jumping at the unexpected voice, Hinata whipped around to seeà

ôMitarashi-san?ö Her voice was an odd mixture of curiosity and longing that surprised both of them. Anko looked slightly off balance at the tone, before looking at the shy girl with a bemused expression.

ôUhà yeah? You want somethinÆ?ö Anko raised an eyebrow appropriately and Hinata blushed slightly.

ôN-no!ö Hinata half-stammered, half-shouted. Before quietly correcting herself, ôI meanà yes.ö AnkoÆs mouth curved slightly, amused. ôB-butà I meanà I wantàö Hinata trailed off uncertainly.

ôWell,ö Anko said, starting to tire of the girlÆs stuttering. ôWhat do you want? ComÆon, spit it out.ö

ôIà I meanàö Hinata tried again, ôPerhapsà we could sparà again, if you wouldnÆt mind?ö

That surprised Anko. She blinked several times, before staring pointedly at Hinata, reevaluating her. While she had a small amount of respect for the kidÆs tenacity, she hadnÆt expected her to go asking for another beat down. Granted, her æsparÆ with her the day before hadnÆt done any real damage, but the girl would have been feeling it for hours afterward, she was likely still aching.

AnkoÆs main hand-to-hand style was focused on pain; she learned a great deal of pressure point knowledge from her old teacher, and from it she created a form of moves that made the enemy in utter agony the longer they fought.(The line 'form of moves that made the enemy in utter agony the longer they fought' isn't phrased correctly and needs to be revised, I'd just change around a few words and it should be okay. Probably do something like 'a form of fighting that put the enemy in utter agony the longer they fought.) Because, while ninja were trained to ignore pain, it was still a very big distraction, and caused many of her opponents to falter at key instances. (Change 'instances' to 'moments' or something similiar.)

Well, that and Anko was a major sadist. Which was the main reason she fought Hinata before, she had needed some relief, and watching the girl squirm in pain had been quite a turn on. Anko had been looking for a quick screw after that, and although she hadnÆt found anyone to her liking, a little help from a big cylindrical-shaped friend had been quite satisfyingà from what she could remember anyway. (change 'cylindrical' to 'cylindrically', and yes I just corrected you on how to properly describe a dildo, deal with it.)

Anko could see that her silence was causing the other girl a great deal of stress, and because she need to get work off some anger anywayà (Change 'stress' to 'distress' as it sounds better with the word 'deal' there, 'a great deal of distress' and rephrase the 'and because she need to get work off some anger anywayà ' because that is a grammatical wreck, it should be something along the lines of 'and because she needed to owrk off some anger anyway..., also I think you're using the '...' a little too much and you should go back through and see if there aren't some places where you could do without it.)

ôEhà Sure, why not.ö Shrugging her shoulders slightly, Anko gestured for Hinata to attack.

Flashing a brief smile, Hinata took up a defensive stance of her familyÆs style of fighting. AnkoÆs eyebrow rose up at that, the girl wasnÆt taking the initial attack, again. Granted, rushing in wasnÆt a bright idea, but not taking an offensive position at all wasnÆt too smart either. This girlà needed to stop holding back. (Once again overuse of '...')

Yanking a kunai out of its holster, Anko tossed it lazily towards the Hyuuga. HinataÆs brow furrowed as she saw the projectile fall limply at her feet, before she noticed the small burning paper on it. Her eyes widened and she hurriedly kicked the explosive away.

Shaking her head slightly, Anko jumped from tree to tree in the forest area and starting setting minor traps while the girl was distracted. A few explosive tags here, a couple of wired-tripped kunai thereà Smirking, Anko quickly threw another kunai at her reoriented opponent and chuckled lightly at the squeak the girl made as she dodged it, barely, and the loud noise of (the) tag on it going off.

This was so much fun!

It had been a while since Anko had fought an opponent like this, playing with it in a game of cat and mouse. (Change 'it' to 'them'.) While she enjoyed inflicting pain, it was mostly physical damage that she dealt. She wasnÆt skilled enough in stealth that she could pull this type of thing off with an equal combatant, and she didnÆt really feel like too much of a bully, since the girl had asked for it. (Change 'she wasn't skilled enough in stealth' to 'she wasn't stealthy enough' as it's too cumbersome otherwise. Also there's too many commas in this paragraph and not enough periods, fix that.)

Watching the game recover again from the bombed kunai, Anko felt her nipples harden as she saw the girlÆs panicked expression. (Change the first line to something more like 'watching her victim cum student recover from another exploding kunai' because when you say 'game' I know what you mean but it's still rather awkward sounding.) Licking her lips excitedly, Anko bit into her thumb, drawing blood, before slapping it against the tree she stood on.

ôKuchiyose no Jutsuö Anko whispered as she calling out her favorite type of animal.

ôMissstresssàö Rasped Hibibi, a low level summoned snake. Slithering his long body onto her arm, he tasted the air around his caller, shuddering slightly at the lovely smell of her excitement.

ôGood morning,ö Anko said to the green-scaled serpent as he crawled into her clothing. ôWanna have some fun?ö Her voice was slightly breathy in anticipation.

Hibibi hummed an affirmative as it crawled along and in-between her fishnet covered breasts, pausing slightly to squeeze them (which caused Anko to moan appreciatively). He was a (take out 'a'.)very low level in the summon chain, and knew that he wouldnÆt likely be called for anything besides a training session orà well, mostly just training. (Change 'besides' to 'other than'.)

He hadnÆt yet earned his place among the snakes, and thus didnÆt have many of the properties of his kin, such as a deadly poison or giant size. Not to mention that there werenÆt many snake-users these days, something Hibibi bitterly thought of as OrochimaruÆs fault. Although he didnÆt have many battle talents, he had his uses, but only to lower level summoners. Hibibi knew that it was no coincidence that after Orochimaru betrayed his village many contracted ninjas were suddenly marked off the snake scroll. After which, he wasnÆt used all that much.

To many, this wasnÆt too great of a problem. Some, like the great Manda, even disliked being summoned frequently. But to ones such as Hibibi, it was practically damning. The entire reason creatures agreed to contracts in the first place was the exchange. The exchange was that in giving a small, or large depending, amount of energy and a sacrifice, the ninja would gain an ally in his battle. The energy and sacrifice would mostly go into bringing the summoned from its realm, but a bit of it went into the creature itself, strengthening it.

When Orochimaru killed the lesser snake-users, he basically screwed over any chance of Hibibi and others like him to gain a higher position in their circle. Thus, one might see why Orochimaru wasnÆt well liked among the weaker snakes. However, given that Orochimaru never used any of the weak ones, he probably wasnÆt even aware of his own infamy among them, let alone actually caring about it.

ôAhàö Anko groaned, before pulling the snake out from her fishnet and tossing it onto a lower branch. ôCareful, the girlÆs a Hyuuga, sheÆll likely spot you unless sheÆs distracted.ö Her warning caused the snake to pause in its descent down the tree. Thinking of how to get close to the girl without her noticing.

Given that the Hyuuga clan had that irritating eyesight, it seemed unlikely that he would be able to get close. But, although Hibibi was weak compared to his brother, he had a trump card. (Do you mean 'brothers' in this line?) This one ability was why Anko found him useful, and thus pretty much the only reason he got out at all. He could cloak himself almost completely invisible to any chakra sensing. (Either take out 'cloak himself' or 'completely invisible' as having both in that sentence is redundant.) He could him emit a low concentration of vibrations around him, humming really. This caused the natural chakra that the air had in it to yield to around him and allow him to blend within that empty space within the gap. (The word 'within' is used twice in this sentence very close together, see if you can't change that because it doesn't sound good when this happens.) This was only possible because of his low level chakra though, if he had a large chakra system, like many of his betters, he wouldnÆt be able to hide within the gap because his power would cause too many æripplesÆ in his movement. Still, with the Hyuuga, he would have to be extra careful. He didnÆt know if their eyes would be able to spot him.

ôHuhàö Anko grunted, noticing that Hinata had finally found her. ôHer field of visionà its better then that Neju kidÆs.ö Anko had distanced herself by three kilometers, one kilometer past the other HyuugaÆs limit. When she heard about the boy, she had looked up all his specs in his GEAR file. All jounin instructors were required to post data about their genin while they were under their tutelage. The point of this was to evaluate their mental stability. If they showed signs of turning traitor, they were placed under a higher observation. Depending on the observerÆs report, they were cleared, sent for æspecialÆ training, or in some extreme cases, executed.

Of course, the æspecialÆ training didnÆt always turn out right. An example of this would be Uchiha Sasuke who, after being reported, had been ætrainedÆ by Hatake Kakashi. In retrospect, it wasnÆt a bright idea for the bratÆs teacher to train him, Anko wasnÆt convinced that he actually did the proper brainwashing techniques, but there wasnÆt a rule against it.

Some of course, fell under the radar of these reports, but that would only be in some extreme cases, such as Uchiha Itachi and OrochimaruÆs betrayal respectively. Itachi had actually only been a genin for a short period of time before being promoted though, and Orochimaru had become legendary before the reports even existed. The Genin Evaluation of Activity Report it was called, and it was the reason the Leaf ranked among the lowest on the bracket of missing nins, the only ones lower being dinky little villages, like the Waterfall.

GEAR files could grow quite large, for as long as you were a genin, you were always under at least a small amount of observation. The reports were full of damning information though, and they were completely destroyed when the genin was promoted. They also required a rank of at least jounin to see them. Anko was very pleased that special-jounin still counted as jounin in cases like these.

Anko broke out of her musings as she heard several kunai whistling through the air towards her, seems her traps didnÆt deter her opponent much.

Snatching the two sharp projectiles, Anko immediately threw them by at their owner. The tags didnÆt last long enough to get to their new target though, (take out the comma)and exploded in midair. Anko smirked slightly into the smoke, that girlà had plan this.(Not sure what you intended here but fix the 'that girl...had plan this' line) The smoke was too dense to be from a normal tag; obviously Hinata was planning on taking advantage of her enhanced vision. AnkoÆs radius of sight was tiny, whereas the Hyuuga girl likely had an almost perfect view.

Aware that standing in one place like a dolt wasnÆt going to be very productive, Anko decided to drop onto the ground, even if that was likely part of the girlÆs plan. Using a small amount of chakra, Anko caught at air particles and slowed her descent, hoping to grasp the landscape better.(Should change 'lanscape' to soemthing mor efitting as that doesn't really work.) Unfortunately, Hinata had other ideas. Jumping from her perch, the Byakugan user fell towards her sparring partner with chakra bleeding from her deadly hands.

Quickly throwing the energy she used to slow herself in an angled direction, Anko dodged out of the way of the heiress leaping attack.(Change 'heiress' to heiress') Anko tugged a kunai from her thigh holster and threw it at the other girl, before frowning slightly as she saw it get deflected.

ôMmmà pretty good, you found me.ö Anko complimented, æEven though I wasnÆt really tryingàÆ

ôàö HinataÆs expression denounced her concentration as she stared at her sparring partner. (change 'denounced' to something that fits better, I can't think of the appropriate word at the moment.) Her stance was still defensive, but this was less from her innate emotions and more due to her wariness of her opponent.

ôWell,ö A grin flashed AnkoÆs face, ôItÆs still game over, for youö HinataÆs confusion showed, until she felt her a presence above her. Too late, the heiress prepared to defend against a volley of projectiles, and thus was unprepared for the enemy falling on her directly. (Change 'falling on her directly' to 'to fall right on top of her')

A flash of slimy green was all the visual warning Hinata had before the animal fell onto her shoulders and tightened its body in a ready, but not deadly position. A raspy voice whispered into her ear, ôSssàall?ö Its tongue flicked into her earlobe, the tone laced with an air ofà disappointment?

Great, even snakes were finding her wanting.

ôLike I said,ö AnkoÆs voice distracted her from her looming depressing, ôPretty good.ö The special-jounin walked leisurely over to the stilled Hyuuga, grasping her shoulder in a friendly gesture. ôBut, you made quite a few mistakes.ö Feeling the snake loosen itself from its tight embrace and slither onto the other womanÆs own arm, Hinata nodded shamefully.

ôSo,ö AnkoÆs tone was completely neutral as she spoke, ôWhy did you lose?ö Shaking her head slightly, Hinata wondered what she meant.

ôWhat I mean isà what mistakes did you make? Why did you make them? How can you overcome them, not do them again?ö AnkoÆs even tone of voice didnÆt change, but she raised a single eyebrow in question.

ôUmàö Hinata stuttered, a sudden case of nervousness caused her to point her forefingers together in habit. ôIà donÆt knowà Iàö HinataÆs thoughts spiraled downward as she panicked, æI wasnÆt strong enough to beat a jouninà why she asking me such an obvious thingà IÆm just too weakàÆ

ôChe!ö The scoff caused Hinata to wince, ôLookàö Hinata bowed her head, unable to look as she was scolded. ôHey! Look at me!ö Jumping nervously, Hinata hesitantly did as she was instructed. Expecting an annoyed and somewhat angry expression, the Hyuuga heiress was surprised to only see a bemused look on the other womanÆs face.

ôI see that you havenÆt done any sort of review before, huh?ö AnkoÆs laugh was self-decrepitating, (Change 'decrepitating' to 'depreciating'.) ôSorry, didnÆt think I was the only ninja who got trained so meticulously.ö The soft æpoofÆ sound of the summoned snake disappearing, along with the laugh caused Hinata to lose her overwhelming panic and look at her sparring partner with confused eyes.

ôOkay!ö Anko clapped, startling Hinata once again, ôLetÆs go over the battle, short that it was.ö

ôThe first mistake you made was when you gave up the advantage of first strike.ö Anko said in a strangeà lecturing tone. (Once again too many '...'s) ôWhen you did that, you left yourself open to attack.ö Hinata tilted her head, ôButàö Her voice interrupted, ôThe academy instructors taught us toà to strike from the shadows, to not rush in headfirst.ö Anko waved her hand dismissively, ôYes, yesàBut thatÆs only when you actually have an equal or only slightly differentiating level in skill. When your opponent is at a much higher level of power then you, there is almost no possible way that you will be able to fool them with petty deception, like hiding within the foliage.ö Anko shrugged her shoulders, ôInstinctively, you knew this, and thus you stood in one spot, defensive in your position.ö Anko stopped, before jabbing her finger in front of HinataÆs face. ôBut! You let me, a special-jounin, someone who likely has a lot more tricks up her sleeve, take the first moveà that was a mistake.ö Lowering her finger, Anko looked at Hinata solemnly. ôItÆs only a good idea to be defensive against a stronger opponent if youÆre delaying for time. My own tactic of distracting you with simple explosive tags and kunai while I set up more traps is a good example of buying time.ö Hinata nodded to this mutely.

ôYou showed that you could also be very offensive, but you only did so after I had already set up a clear position in the battlefield. This allowed me to summon that snake that took you out, while you were busying avoiding my traps and finding me. Also,ö Anko paused again to look at Hinata seriously, ôWhen you went on the attack, you were too focused on me, which left you completely open to my friendÆs attack.ö At this, Hinata mumbled something barely audible. ôMmm?ö Anko leaned her head closer, ôSpeak up!ö

ôIà I usually see all my incoming opponents before they attackà I didnÆt expect yourà um, your friend to get me like thatàö Anko nodded at this. ôItÆs true, Hibibi does have a tendency to sneak up on even the wary.ö Hinata felt slightly better at this, she wasnÆt a complete failure. ôBut thatÆs no excuse!ö That feeling died a horrible and bloody death. ôHibibiÆs skill is being able to blend somewhat well with the sort of æbackgroundÆ noise of the worldÆs natural energy. This works with most ninja, but as a user of the Byakugan, you should have easily been able to spot him.ö Hinata bowed her, her cheeks burning with embarrassment.

ôOn top of that,ö AnkoÆs voice seemed like a hammer to Hinata, pounding what little pride in her abilities she had left. ôWhile your usage of kunai and explosive tags was good, it was also glaringly obvious and incomplete. Even though you got me at close range again with your battle tactics, you didnÆt seem to really have any initial plan besides that. If you had given it a bit of thought, before you attacked you may have wanted to set up traps or some kind of field advantage in the battleground you set.ö

Anko shrugged at the girlÆs hunched form. ôSo, yeah,ö Her calmer voice shook Hinata out of her self-berating. ôThatÆs something you need to work on.ö HinataÆs eyebrows rose in surprise, this wasnÆt quite what she was used to. ôUmàö She felt soà stupid. ôH-howà?ö Hinata trailed off, her courage depleted.

ôHm?ö Anko grunted as she leaned forward, raising HiantaÆs nervousness as the other womanÆs face loomed closer to her own with a disturbing look of scrutiny on it. ôHowà what?ö Anko repeated, her eyes locked onto HinataÆs. ôH-howàö She stopped as she tried to regain control of her vocal cords. ôHow do Ià work on it?ö

AnkoÆs face was blank for a moment, öGeeze!ö She slapped her own forehead in exasperation. ôHow do youà oh for crying outàö Anko lid her hand down her face slowly, ôLook,ö The special-jouninÆs voice had an air of disbelief to it. ôMeet me here tomorrow, at around the same time I arrived here today, and IÆll show youà ækay?ö Not waiting for an answer, Anko did an abrupt (about)face and began to walk away.

ôIà uhàö Hinata stood there spluttering for a few seconds, ôO-okayàö She murmured to the empty training area.

Sighing, Hinata turned around as well and began to walk back to the Hyuuga ancestral home. While she wasnÆt physically as tried as yesterday,(Switch the words 'physically' and 'as'.) she felt like her mind had been put through an entire exam of training. (Revise this bit as it really doesn't work, specifically the 'entire exam of training' thing) Her emotions were frayed from being switched at insane speeds during the course of her æsparÆ with the special-jounin. (Do soemthing about the 'Her emotions were frayed from being switched at insane speeds' line as it sounds really off.) On top of that, while she wasnÆt as drained as the previous dayÆs workout, her muscles were screaming in protest, as they hadnÆt completely recovered from her last session. She felt more tried then she had in almost her entire life, barring life-and-death situations.

Hinata never felt better.



I'll do the last bit later as this has already eaten up too much of my time as it is.
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#24
Fatuous One said:
Actually, now that I think about it, there IS a Japanese candy (or a candy that the Japanese like) that is basically a chocolate covered popsicle of some sort. I'll have to give it a bit of research... ^_^
...I hate you. Make me hornier than I already am, will you?

*goes off to 4chan to look for peverted stuff*
 

Israfel

Well-Known Member
#25
Actually, now that I think about it, there IS a Japanese candy (or a candy that the Japanese like) that is basically a chocolate covered popsicle of some sort. I'll have to give it a bit of research...?
I'm pretty sure the candy you're thinking of is Pocky.
 
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