Ranma ½ Ferrets and Pigtails


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Just when you thought it was safe to forget...


"Kyu!" Yuuno let out a few little ferret growls to protest his rough handling at the hands of Azulia's princess, who blithely moved along.

She held Yuuno up to her eye and smiled lecherously. "Don't worry little one, I will take excellent care of you."

Somehow, Yuuno doubted that, but did his best not to squirm out of her hands. For one thing, she'd start gripping him uncomfortably tightly, and for another, he needed to be able to escape her hands once everything was finished.

Their plan was a bit of a gamble, but one that seemed to fit. There was some connection between the princess and the church, so one way or the other they figured that Bishop Vaalea would make Herce make a play for the Viahtaa and now 'Lider' as well. He just needed to hold on until he was brought within reach of the stone and then get away. Ranma was supposed to be following discretely to provide the right distraction, but the queen had derailed that part of the plan. Hopefully he could get away clean anyway. They were entering what Yuuno thought were the princess's apartments now. All he had to do was wait.

Herce closed the door firmly behind her, before depositing Yuuno onto the pillow of a reclining couch. The only thing of real interest was the closet, where a bright red military jumpsuit stood out amongst the slinky dresses and indecent wraps.

"-avatar of Lider himself!"

That cought Yuuno's attention, and he aborted his inspection of the closet in favor of tuning in the conversation. Scampering to the top of the headrest, he got a view of the princess talking into a mirror that had been magically converted into communications system, the local Prelate û Merirosvo, he thought û on the other end of the call.

The white haired woman narrowed her eyes. "Indeed. And you are certain that it isn't a fake? The enemy is cunning."

Herce gritted her teeth and tucked her usual vanity lock behind her ear. "Of course I am certain. Despite its small size, it is a creature that exceeds the power of even Lady Kirkko. That is a trifle much to waste on a distraction, bomb, or throwaway agent."

The seconds ticked by as the woman in the mirror weighed this in her head. "So be it. Be ready to move tonight-"

"'For the time comes at dawn', yes." The princess rolled her eyes. "I know this." Her face hardened before the prelate could snap anything back, "With the enemy destroyed, we will finally ascend as we were meant to."

"Indeed. Until then." The white haired woman's face winked out, leaving just an unadorned mirror behind.

The princess smirked as she turned around, keeping her thoughts to herself. "Kyu?" Yuuno pawed the air in her direction cutely, hoping to get her to say something.

The girl didn't say anything, but she did shrug out of her loose wrap, leaving her nude form in all it's glory as she again picked him up. Reclining on the couch, she laid Yuuno's ferret form into the glorious valley.


Shut. Up.

After a few moments of caressing him, his hormones and shock causing him to freeze up, a new sensation interrupted his thought processes. What's that smell? His nose twitched a few times, attempting to place it. Kinda musty.

His only answer was Jed's cackling, which caused a shiver to run down his spine as the princess' hands again lifted him up. Yuuno was confused and a little frightened at this point. Just what exactly was she doing? He arms couldn't possibly take him too far down her body. To her knees maybe, and that was pushing it. Wait. Why was she angling down towards her thighs?

A moment later it hit him. Not at her thighs, but between them. He froze in utter horror, not squeaking, hell, not even breathing as he got closer.

And closer.


Ugh. No real excuses. Just got bored with writing for a while. I get that way sometimes. Let's all just be thankful that I managed to come back to this rather than start something completely new.

Though it was rather close.


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Thank you kind and generous sir. Thus, do I reward your patronage with MOAR! (One per customer while supplies last)


Frosted glass beamed light down on the Azulian Queen's royal bath. Ranma stared nervously around himself as he gingerly picked up what seemed to be some sort of metal hook that was lying next to a series of bottles and a cup on a shelf above the ankle deep water. Was it some sort of cleaning instrument (He couldn't guess at how)? A self-defense weapon (something he heartily approved of in any cleaning facility)? Farming implement (Unlikely, but still possible)?

He was still pondering this question when he heard movement behind him. He cursed his luck when he saw she was just as naked as he was. Damn my irresistible charm!

She smiled when she noted the hook in his hand. "Having trouble with the strigil dear? Let me show youà"

She moved closer, and Ranma spun around, not that it did him much good. The older woman pressed up against him and leaned over him, nearly encasing his head completely within her endowments as she picked up one of the bottles from the shelf. Ranma froze, keeping his mind on the mission.

She unstoppered it, allowing the strong scent to permeate the air. It was a heady, girlish scent, and he wrinkled his nose. "Hmm, not quite right for an active young lad like yourself, is it?"

Aaand that was about all Ranma could take. He made to get the hell out of there when he sensed the young biddie's power lighting up from what he guessed was a few floors down. This paused him just long enough for one of the queen's arms to wrap over his chest firmly and drag his head back into its pillowy prison.

"Now, now, none of that." She selected a different bottle this time, one that reminded him of men's cologneà

Shaking that off, Ranma placed a hand on her arm to get it off and get the hell out, but she chose that moment to wrap her legs around his and drag them both into a sitting position. A few moments of trying led Ranma to realize that he didn't have the leverage the break his legs free, much to his increasing horror. This was like his pop's damned hell's cradle all over again, except that rather than being unable to, he couldn't hit this woman because there would be consequences to pretty much every person on the planet if he did so.

Stilling slightly in realization of this horror he barely reacted as she poured the oil on his skin before working it in gently with her hands. "I understand that other cultures use soap, but in Azulia we still use oil and the strigil to wash," she murmured as she rubbed.

"The oil is applied and then gently scrapped off, removing the dirt along with it." She demonstrated, dragging the curve of the hook over his skin, leaving little tingles and, yes, clean skin behind. The cup was then used to wash the remnants off. She pulled him back into herself and began working his chest with more oil. "Later, I'll close the drain and increase the flow, filling the tub for a soak."

Huh. Strangely, that didn't sound all that weird to Ranma. A little like the furo back home but with the hook and oilà and what the hell am I thinking?!

Ranma had, actually, been trying to distance himself from everything, but even he couldn't keep his mind buried that deep forever without resorting to the soul of ice (which was currently out of commission). His eyes darted around. Surely there something he could use to get himself out of this mess without resorting to manhandling this woman.

Then the queen's hands started to drift south of the border.


And yes, that really was one of the ways people bathed before soap. I have officially taught you something.


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It's nice to see this back.

As amusing as it is to see Ranma and Yuuno in their... situations, I'm hoping we'll get back to the action sometime soon. I want to see this finished so we can finally see an update to Home. I understand that this sidestory is required so that we can understand future chapters of the main story but, well, maybe it's just me, but I don't find the OCs as interesting as the "canon" characters. And this fic contains like 2 (maybe 3?) canon characters.


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Why do the fortunate always bemoan having such opportunities?


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Well, this pretty much made my day. :yay:

Welcome back. ;)


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Who the heck are you again?

I seem to remember a fic by you, but it's been so long that the fic can't possibly be still alive.


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I just want to know if we'll ever get back to the fucking main story... :rant:


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I hope to be done with F&P by Christmas, new years at the latest. Honestly, this is the home stretch. The next couple of snippets will move the rest of the players into position, and then it'll be a running battle and some aftermath. Not too long now.


KING (In Land of Blind)
Staff member
I just realized, that Ranma talked Yuuno into doing the number one "Thing That Sounded Good At The Time, But Always Goes Wrong (for Archaelogists)": Masquerading As Their God.

I cannot imagine Nanoha not teasing Yuuno about it, only to do like a double-take when she finds out it was Ranma's idea.


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Wow, it's like watching two jet rocket powered cars about to collide into each other at high speeds.

And while a Queen's royal bathing room is not a bathhouse, Ranma's luck of it being a deathtrap still applies (in more ways than one) IMO.


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Cleansing done in a Greco-Roman style? That is certainly different than most would write here.


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In before auction hits...

Has Nanoha ever saw new and improved Yuuno in action? I'm not familiar with MGLN canon.


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So when it hits the fan during the auction she will be surprised? Sounds good.


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zeebee1 said:
I'm pretty sure he didn't fight in the third season.
Didn't fight?

Hell, the only people from the previous seasons with less screen time was Lindy, Amy, Nanoha's family, and Arf.


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ARf at least showed up in multiple episodes, Yuuno had what, one two-parter?


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So having just come into this thread last night and powered through the whole story in one sitting, I find myself wanting more. Where is this 'Home' fic that people keep speaking of? I can't seem to find it anywhere.


KING (In Land of Blind)
Staff member
Over in the R1/2 preview section.

If you go to <a href='http://z14.invisionfree.com/The_Fanfiction_Forum/index.php?act=Search&CODE=getalluser&mid=2516' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>all topics by NM</a>, they're lined up in a nice column for you.


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*smacks forehead*

And the obvious solution presents itself yet again. Thank you d_g.


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I suppose I should apologize for the delay. Looks like it'll definitely be new years for finishing this. Too many last minute Christmas details to take care of. These next few scenes could really go in any order, and may be changed up by the time this hits anywhere else.

...Actually, there's only really a couple more half scenes before everyone but the reporter is gathered in front of the royal vault and the final battle(s) begin. I'll try to get at least that out today. *crosses fingers*


Closer still.

And then Yuuno couldn't take it anymore. "NO-!"


Yuuno's manly scream of cover blowing terror was overridden by a different yell, followed by the sound of shattering stone. Fortunately, the blue haired young woman had dropped him in her startled jerk and rushed to the balcony, heedless of her nudity. That's it. I can't take this anymore. I'll... I'll...

Jed snickered, but otherwise wasn't any help.

Yuuno's problem was that his role here was absolutely necessary. No one would even attempt to open the vault while they thought someone waiting to steal the Viahtaa was nearby, and he just wasn't good enough to sneak there, even if he could make it under the door.

There was the sound of breaking glass above them, and the younger Vonalzo flinched back inside, but Yuuno paid it no mind, his thoughts on other things. Like the fact that he was now bright blue. Nothing about or in an Azulian building was blue by choice given its predominance all over the planet, so he'd stick out like a sore thumb.

A hand snatched him up then, and Herce (thankfully now fully clothed - or at least back in her wrap) whipped open the door. "Come along, precious. Or the Bishop will beat us to the vault." He could hear the subtle grinding of her teeth as she pressed him back into her cloth covered bosom. "And I think I need to have a few words with her."


Ranma was saved from his imminent molestation by the sweet, sweet sound of a wall exploding without the use of conventional explosives. The battle cry was a little different, but he paid it no mind as the entire room rocked slightly and he slipped out of the woman's momentarily disrupted grasp.

The queen stood as well, and frowned at the frosted glass window, then redirected her attention to her... guest. "Stay here. I'll find out what's going on."

Like hell. The moment she was out the door, Ranma darted for his clothes and jumped, catching himself on the sill before flinging his body into and through the glass.

Ranma twisted in mid air and alighted on the railing of the balcony below, wrapping himself in the thieves' cloak just in time to see Yuuno get yanked off the floor by the princess.

He grinned momentarily, but suppressed before it could disrupt the cloak. Game on.


"Eee!" Casi Exilim ran for her life as another bright blue fruit bomb detonated right next to her. She was thrown from her feet, but thankfully had enough of a lead to scramble back up before the crazy man could lay hands on her.

She kept sprinting for the palace, hoping against hope that she could make it in time. She didn't really have a lot of hope that the guards could stop thisà thing, but it would at least buy her time to hide.

"Melon Crusher!"

The green haired girl didn't look behind her to see just what the spell was - she didn't have to. Her fairy cam was doing a decent enough job of providing a picture in picture on her glasses as the striped with varying shades of blue ball barreled down the street at her. Whimpering slightly, she dodged out of the way, watching as it screamed past her and blew through several stands before plowing into and collapsing a storefront.

It was this that finally got the attention of the palace guards, and a squad came barreling out of the gates. Casi nearly wept with relief, but kept going, knowing that she was in the coming battlezone. As a reporter, she was pretty tough, but nothing really prepared you for the first time someone came at you with the intent to kill. She angled around the soldiers, even as the camera kept her up to date on what was going on as she fled.

"You're nothing but grapes on your master's vines," roared the madman. "You will not stop my holy mission! Pear Presser!" His body took on a bluish tinge and inflated into a pear-like shape before he crashed into the royal guards, flattening them under foot or bouncing them away with far more force than one would expect.

Casi winced at the sound of snapping bones and tried to pick up the pace even further, as the gates to the palace were closing. Behind her, the man had deflated, and was still coming. Diving into the palace yard just before the gates fully closed, the reporter allowed herself to sag in relief as she heard the sound of magical shielding snap into place û not to mention the sound of a body smacking into it at high speeds. She sunk to the ground, her adrenaline wearing off and exhaustion catching up to her.

One of the guards approached her, a friendly smile on his face. "Miss, are you alright?"

She smiled a little up at the man. "Yes, thank you. Who-"


The wall next to the gate detonated, shield and all, debris flying everywhere, a particularly large chunk smashing into the back of the head of the guard she'd been talking to, dropping him hard.

The girl tried to get back to her feet, but she her movements were sluggish û which was when the man grabbed her and hoisted her up. "Unbelieving coconut! I would smash you into so much jelly, but I have not the time."

And then she was flung unceremoniously aside as he rushed for the interior walls.


Need to go get my food on now.


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With the "Oh Yeah!"..

Was that the Battle Cry of the Kool Aid man? Bursting through walls?