[FMP] Full Trouser Panic

[Hymn of Ragnarok]

FMP Crack

Short, but sweet.

 

[Prince Charon]

FMP Crack

Good thing for Sousuke he won't be held responsible when the find out from another source, yeah?

 

[zeebee1]

FMP Crack

It was considered an acceptable risk.

 

[Prince Charon]

FMP Crack

It was considered an acceptable risk.

True. Of course, Kaname might hold him responsible, but that's part of the fun... well, for the reader, anyway.

 

[Coelacanth]

FMP Crack

Now I want to rewatch FMP. Need more timeeeeeeeeeee.

 

[Lord Raa]

Reposting for clarity.

You folks like clarity, right?


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Full Trouser Panic


By Lord Raa


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Disclaim-me-do: Yeah, it’s original, but original does not mean good.


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Issei Tsubaki was not a happy young man. His nemesis had just gotten away with humiliating him yet again.

“That damned Sagara!” the short-sighted martial artist cursed. “Does he have no weaknesses?”

Lifting up his thick lensed glasses to rub his face, he sighed. “If only I could have another chance with Chidori-san, but she’s always with Sagara… Wait, that’s it!”

Jumping to his feet, Issei felt his blood heat up with the fires of youth as the answer made itself known to him.

“Hahaha! I’ve discovered your weakness, Sagara! I will see you taste the bitter humiliation that you have forced me to endure!”

After a good minute’s worth of laughing, Issei stopped and took stock of the situation.

“Damn, I need to get out more,” he thought sadly. “Still, the idea of Sagara suffering does make me feel better. Now, what’s the best way to drive a wedge between him and Chidori-san?”


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At lunchtime, Sousuke Sagara sat outside. He was trying to keep an eye on Kaname Chidori, but she had insisted that he remain at least fifteen metres from her during the break.

“I think that I’m going to be fine for three quarters of an hour,” the blue haired girl had told him as they filed outside. “But, since you’re going to try to keep up your mission regardless of what I want, fifteen metres should give you enough time to cover the distance to save me from whatever peril I could find myself in.”

“Ten metres would be better in the event of an assault concealed by a crowd, but from my surveillance of the student body, I do not think that there are any that would carry any ranged weapons, so fifteen metres will be acceptable.”

Kaname sighed. “I am not going to be attacked by my classmates, Sousuke.”

“But…”

“But nothing, you maniac! Just keep your distance while I talk with Kyoko-chan and O-Ren-san.”

Having realised that his ward was not going to back down on the matter, Sousuke turned to his lunch, an MRE that claimed to be chicken curry.


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“¬I know this isn’t what your organisation normally does, but with how criminal gangs are becoming more militaristic, some sections of the Government have wondered if we should brand them ‘domestic terrorists’. ¬”

“I can’t promise anything, Minister, but your request will be relayed to my superiors.”

Commander Andrei Kalinin replaced the handset of his telephone and leaned back in his black leather chair. He was well aware of MITHRIL’s mission and rules of engagement, so he was tempted to refuse the request for help.

However, some of the others under his command might think differently, given that this was a growing problem in Asia and some of the profits from this line of business were being funnelled into terrorist hands.

“We’ll see what Command thinks we should do.”


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Three weeks later, Sousuke was standing at ease next to his team-mates for a briefing from Commander Kalinin.

“I’m sure that all three of you are aware of MITHRIL’s mandate and how we try to keep out of the internal affairs of countries where possible,” the grey-haired man said from behind his desk. “However, this was an informal request that Command has decided to accept. Sergeant-Major Mao, your team is top of my shortlist because you’re familiar with Japan and have contacts there. That said, this mission is on a volunteer basis.”

Mao nodded. “What do you need us to do, Sir?”

“Please hear me out before you sign up to this,” Kalinin said holding his right hand up to stall any rash actions. “The reason why this mission is volunteer-only is because of its unpleasant nature. I apologise in advance for any offence caused or discomfort you feel.”

The Commander dimmed the lights and switched on a projector.

“This is Hiroshi Sakata; he’s the operations director of Black Orchid Productions. They’re an adult video production and distribution company. They’re also a front for prostitution and people trafficking.”

“What do you want us to do?” Mao asked. “Is this a raid on their production facilities?”

“No, we need to know who’s buying the girls they’re smuggling in,” Kalinin said. “All police attempts to infiltrate this company have failed, so they’ve called in outside help.”

“Which would be us,” Kurz mused. “I could be a cameraman.”

“They’ve tried that,” the grey-haired man replied. “It seems that they’ve got a core of technical staff that they trust and every attempt to get on that staff has failed. Unfortunately, that leaves us with one option – talent.”

“‘Talent’, Sir?” Sousuke asked, speaking up for the first time.

“Yes, it seems our only chance is for someone to infiltrate as an adult entertainer. Sergeant-Major Mao, I know you consider yourself a soldier first, but I cannot permit you volunteer for that part of the mission. It maybe sexist and discriminatory, but it also would go against every fibre of my being,” Kalinin explained.

“So, you’re asking me to be a porn-star?” Kurz asked, his already sizeable ego swelling. “Well, it’s a dirty, dirty job, but someone’s got to do it.”

“Not just you, Sergeant Kurz. The odds of success will be increased with more applicants, so Sergeant Sagara will also apply. Assuming you accept this mission, that is.”

“I will do my part, Sir,” the scarred teenager saluted.

“I can’t let these two go without backup, Sir. Count me in,” Melissa Mao saluted.

Kalinin nodded in appreciation. “Thank you, all of you. I must also point out that you must keep this mission a secret from everyone, even the Captain. While she would not object to you helping people in need, Command and I feel she would try to interfere and inadvertently endanger herself and others. Officially, Urzu Team is on detached duty.”

“Yes Sir, understood,” Sousuke saluted again.


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Melissa Mao sat down with her two subordinates to discuss the plan of action. She understood why the Commander had insisted that she not take part in infiltrating Black Orchid, but did feel a little concerned for her team-mates.

“So, how are we going to audition?” Kurz asked. “Do we just turn up and do our thing with some girl or what?”

“No, first we’ll send in a portfolio for each of you,” the Sergeant-Major answered. “That means I need take photos of you pair.”

“You want to see me naked?” the blonde asked, striking what he considered to be a suave pose.

“No I don’t,” Melissa replied, “But who else is going to do this?”

“Ouch! You wound me with your harsh words,” the sniper said, clutching his chest theatrically.

“Mao,” Sousuke said, “is it wise for us to take the photos here on the Tuatha de Danaan? Surely taking them on what is obviously a military vessel will only increase suspicion.”

“You’re right, Sousuke. Hey, perhaps we should get some wilderness style action shots?”

“That would be a good idea; however, it might be best if we don’t use photos that are too similar.”

Kurz looked at his male team-mate. “What’s up, Sousuke?”

Sousuke looked as calm as usual. “I believe that it would be best if we do not draw undue attention to ourselves on this mission. It may make things difficult for us to discover who’s giving the orders.”

“And it’s got nothing to do with Kaname?” the blonde teased.

“Chidori is a Whispered. If she discovers our mission, she might, however inadvertently, inform the Captain and she would not approve of our methods. She might even think that I have been led astray by you, Weber,” the scarred youth explained.

Mao smiled at the look of horror on the sniper’s face. “You’ve got a good point, Sousuke. How about this: Kurz, you hit the beach while Sousuke does some outdoorsy stuff.”

“If that’s what I’ve got to do, then that’s what I’ve got to do,” Kurz smiled.


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“Hey, Mao,” Kurz said as Urzu Team walked along the beach.

“Yeah?” the dark blue-haired woman said as she scanned the area for a more secluded spot.

“Do you really think that Sousuke’s going to be able to convince people he’s a porn-star?”

“…” Mao paused mid step. “You do have a point there, Kurz. Hey, Sousuke!”

The scarred teenager looked up. “Yes, Mao.”

“Come here,” the Sergeant-Major gestured. “Sousuke, Kurz has just brought up a good point about our mission.”

“What’s that?” Sousuke asked, his keen vision sweeping back and forth for potential threats.

“Do you err… know anything about the adult entertainment industry?” Mao asked. “And do you know what you’re likely to have to do if you infiltrate Black Orchid?”

“I was able to do some research before we arrived,” the teenager replied. “Not a great deal but I do have some idea of what’s expected of me.”

“Really?” the Sergeant-Major asked with a teasing smirk on her face. “So you’re familiar with tossed salads?”

“Analingus and rimming in general, yes; food preparation, no,” Sousuke answered with a perfectly straight face. “Would you like me to demonstrate, Sergeant?”

Kurz Weber was so shocked by his team-mate’s comment that he nearly fell over.

“Sousuke, where did you find all this information?”

“I had to get written permission from Commander Kalinin, but I managed to find a treasure trove of information on the adult entertainment industry from Porn-to-be-Wild.net.”

“Wait, the Commander let you access pornography on the boat?” asked the blonde. “And did you save any of your research?”

“Part of the agreement was that I was to delete any materials as soon as I was done with them,” Sousuke explained. “Was there anything you wanted me to demonstrate, Mao?”

“Not right now,” the Sergeant-Major sweat-dropped. “Let’s get Kurz’s photos done first, ok?”


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Melissa Mao looked at the photos she’d taken of Kurz at the beach.

‘Hmm, there isn’t a bad photo in here,’ she mused as she looked over the images of her team-mate in various poses. ‘Kurz really knows how to play to the camera; it should work out for us.’

She shrugged before turning the laptop off and grabbing her digital camera.

“Let’s see what we can do to turn Sousuke into a sex object.”


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Kurz was busy questioning his team-mate about his research.

“So, Sousuke, leaving aside that theory and practice are two different things, what do you reckon you could do if they asked you?”

“Well, I’m confident that my stamina should hold me in good stead when it comes, how did they put it… ‘pounding away like a jackhammer’,” the teenager replied. “And I’ve been fortunate enough to use my knot-tying skills to restrain people before, so shibari doesn’t seem like too much of a stretch.”

“I see…”

“Oral sex seems straight forward enough, as does double penetration. But I hear you have to be careful,” Sousuke added.

“Careful about what?” the blonde asked.

“That the balls don’t touch. I don’t understand the whole situation, so I’ll do what I can to avoid it until I can be properly briefed.”

Mao arrived, not sure if she wanted to know why the sniper was shaking his head.

“Right, are you two ready to go?”

“I’m ready when you are, Mao,” Sousuke said, standing to attention.

“Good, Kurz, you’re driving,” the dark blue-haired woman said as she tossed the keys to the blonde.


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As Urzu Team drove to a woodland beauty spot favoured by martial artists for training, Mao was briefing Sousuke.

“This time, I think we should try some action shots.”

“What, you want to see Sousuke flexing his muscles that badly?” Kurz teased. He winced when he was smacked on the back of the head. “Ow!”

“Will you stop acting like a child?” the dark blue-haired woman chided. “Or do you want me to add ‘willing to do gay sex scenes’ to your application?”

“You wouldn’t…” the blonde paled. He clenched his buttocks as if the reflex would maintain his anal chastity.

“In a heartbeat, Blondie, in a heartbeat,” Mao deadpanned. “Now, Sousuke, I’m thinking that I could send in some shots of you working out – chopping firewood, fishing, maybe some swimming if the water’s deep enough.”

“I’m happy to do all that, but I don’t have any swimwear with me,” Sousuke replied.

“Just think of this as something to help you get used to being naked in front of a camera, Sousuke,” Kurz replied, his eyes glancing into the rear view mirror.

The scarred youth shrugged. “Orders are orders. Besides, I’ve been told that I’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Oh, what’s that, Sousuke?” Mao smirked. “Do you have admirers at school?”

“Apparently there was a girl that was interested in me to the point where she wrote a love letter. That incident did not end well,” Sousuke replied, rubbing his head in memory of the beating he’d received at the hands of Chidori.


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Kaname Chidori wasn’t sure how to handle the fact that Sousuke had gone on another mission. While she did appreciate the change of pace that always followed when he left the area, she was concerned for him.

‘That idiot will probably risk his life and end up bleeding again,’ she thought as she remembered the first time they’d been on mission together. “Just how does he stay alive when he’s so dense?”

“You’re thinking about Sousuke again, Kana-chan?” Kyoko asked her friend.

“Yeah, well it’s not like I want to think about that idiot, but you know how it is – if I don’t look out for him, then who will?” the blue-haired girl sighed.

“So he’s kind of like a little brother to you?”

“More like some dumb animal that needs training,” Kaname replied. “But let’s just enjoy some peace and quiet for a couple of days, ok?”

“Sure thing, Kana-chan.”


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Two days later, Sousuke Sagara had returned to Jindai High School. He noted that things were quiet.

Possibly too quiet for some of the students used to the mayhem that the mercenary caused on an almost hourly basis.

Still, Kaname was hoping that things would be calmer after Sousuke’s vacation.

That hope was short-lived as the sound of a loud boom rang out.

“What have you done now, Sousuke?” she asked with a sigh.

“I haven’t done anything, Chidori-san,” the combat obsessed young man replied. “Upon your request, I have started to replace the C4 charges with flash-bangs to minimise structural damage to the school.”

“Oh, so there’s some other maniac with high explosives out there?” Kaname demanded sarcastically.

Sousuke’s eyes narrowed as he surveyed the aftermath of the event. “I don’t know, but that explosion wasn’t from military grade explosives.”

“What makes you say that, Sousuke?”

“The fireball – that’s something that pyrotechnicians add for cinematic effect. That was an incendiary device,” the mercenary explained before running towards the disaster.

“Wait, did he say that he’d replaced his high explosives to prevent damage? He listened to me?” the Whispered girl asked, a faint ray of hope shining down upon her. “He actually listened to me!”

Blinking, Kaname realised that the boy she liked was running into a burning building. “Hey, that’s dangerous, come back, Sousuke!”


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Ren Mikihara coughed loudly as the clouds of smoke enveloped the Student Council’s meeting room.

“Hayashimizu-sempai?” she asked as her visibility was cut down to less than two metres.

“I’m here, O-Ren-san,” the bespectacled youth replied as he reached out to offer his support. “Come with me to the window, it’s our only hope.”

The pair quickly reached the window and they tried to open it as the room continued to fill with smoke.

“Damn it,” Hayashimizu cursed.

Ren frowned. “Why won’t it open?”

“The window’s been painted shut.”

Before despair had time to form, the door bust open and a something dark rolled into the room.

“President Hayashimizu, Mikihara-san, we need to get out of the building,” the figure said as it rose up to its full height.

“What happened, Sagara-kun?” Ren asked.

“There was an incendiary device, but I don’t know anything else,” Sousuke answered. He turned to the doorway to see it filled with thick black smoke. “We will need another exit strategy.”

“The window won’t open – it’s been painted shut,” the Student Council president explained. “Is there anything you can do?”

“Cover your ears.” The mercenary pulled out his Glock 19 and emptied the clip in a diagonal line starting at the bottom left corner.

After reaching out to his right, Sousuke grabbed a chair and swung it at the damaged window, knocking most of the glass outward.

“Sagara-kun, we’re on the second floor – we can’t jump that kind of distance,” Ren protested when she thought she saw what the scarred man was planning.

“She’s right, Sagara-kun, we need another option,” Hayashimizu said.

“But it’s only six metres…” Sousuke frowned. He closed his eyes for a moment before snapping his fingers. “Rope! I’ll tie this on to the radiator and we’ll rappel down.”

The Student Council looked on as the military-obsessed youth securely tied a length of black synthetic cord to the old iron radiator.

“Unfortunately, we’ll have to drop down the last metre or two.”

“Better than nothing, O-Ren-san, ladies first,” Hiyashimizu said as he offered his hand to his assistant.

Before the young lady could accept, there was a minor explosion that rocked the room.

“We are running out of time, please allow me,” Sousuke said as he grabbed both students under his arms and jumped out of the window.

“Hey, wait!” Ren protested as the ground started to approach rapidly. “AAAAAHHHH! Eh?”

“Sorry about that,” the mercenary said as he placed the Student Council members on the ground. “I’ll be back in shortly – there might be others in the building.”

Hayashimizu nodded in understanding as the scarred youth ran back into the burning building. “O-Ren-san, are you alright?”

“I’m fine, Hayashimizu-sempai. Do you have any idea what happened?”

“No, but I promise you that we will find out the truth.”


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Sousuke’s experience with intense situations, such as fires and other life-threatening circumstances, enabled him to act calmly and rationally when confronted with thick, black smoke and low oxygen levels.

The mercenary grabbed a nearby fire extinguisher and rushed to the source of the smoke – the teachers’ lounge.

Without a second thought for his safety, he ran shoulder-first into the door, breaking it clean off its hinges.

“Is there anybody in here”? Sousuke asked as he picked himself off the floor.

“Sagara… this is your doing, isn’t it?” Eri Kagurazaka accused weakly from her position on the floor. She entered a loud coughing fit. “It was only a matter of time before you set the building on fire.”

“It wasn’t me, Miss Kagurazaka,” the mercenary insisted as he gave the teacher a cursory examination. “Please forgive my rudeness, but we need to get out of here.”

“What? Hey!” the brunette protested as she was unceremoniously hoisted onto Sousuke’s shoulder. “I’m not a sack of rice!”

Sousuke ignored the protests and rushed outside to where the newly arrived ambulance was.

“She’s inhaled some smoke, but I think she’s going to be ok,” he explained as he gently placed the English teacher onto a gurney.

“Hey, why couldn’t you have treated me with that level of care earlier?” Kagurazaka demanded as an oxygen mask was placed over her mouth and nose.

The scarred youth bowed his head apologetically. “There wasn’t time, Sensei.”

“He did the right thing,” the paramedic added. “I’ve seen people die from smoke inhalation, it’s a painful way to go.”

That silenced any further protests from the teacher.


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Sousuke scanned the crowd that had gathered to watch the fire brigade put the last of the flames out.

‘Nothing seems out of the ordinary… wait, I don’t recognise him in the baseball cap,’ the mercenary thought as he made his way to the suspect.

‘Time to go,’ the suspect decided as he tried to make his way through the crowd. “Excuse me please.”

“No, please excuse us,” Hiyashimizu insisted as he appeared in front of him. “I think we need to have a little chat. In private.”

When Sousuke placed a hand on the young man’s shoulder, the crowd gained an idea as to the manner in which their conversation was going to be conducted.


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Inside a poorly lit room, Hiyashimizu smiled at his suspect. “What is your name?”

“…I don’t have to tell you anything!” the youth insisted as he struggled against his bonds. “You’re not even a cop, Hiyashimizu!”

“So you know who I am,” the Student Council President nodded. “Then you know what I am capable of. What do you know about the incident at Jindai?”

“I ain’t telling you shit!”

“Hmm… Well, I suppose that since I don’t have as many options as I would normally, I’m going to have to start this way. Have you ever suffered a broken bone?”

“W-what?”

“Broken bones can be quite painful and if you don’t have them properly treated, they can cause all manner of medical complications,” Sousuke said casually as he walked behind the restrained young man.

“Yes they can,” bespectacled youth nodded. “Did you know that one of the reasons humanity has created so much is because of our opposable thumbs?”

“W-w-what?” the youth asked as he felt his left thumb being gripped tightly.

“I’d imagine that having both of them broken would be quite the inconvenience…” Hiyashimizu mused as he gestured for Sousuke to slowly apply pressure on the appendage in question. “I’ll ask again, what is your name and what do you know about the incident at Jindai?”

“I’ve seen complications arise from relatively simple breaks in the jungle,” Sousuke said conversationally.

“Did that include the need for amputation, Sagara-kun?”

“You’re crazy.”

“Yes,” the mercenary nodded before tugging on the opposable digit. A loud cracking noise filled the room.

“YAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!” the prisoner screamed.

“Ah yes, returning to the question at hand,” Hiyashimizu said, ignoring his inadvertent pun. “Who are you and what do you know about the incident at Jindai?”

“I… I was put up to it by the boss…”

“And who is your boss?”

“…”

“Sagara-kun, his other thumb, if you don’t mind.”

Sousuke nodded and grabbed the restrained teenager’s right thumb. “Hiyashimizu-sempai, did you know that there are over 200 bones in the human body. The last time I interrogated a man like this, I had to break over one sixth before he told me what I needed to know. I do not think that our guest here will be beating his record.”

“Neither do I, Sagara-kun. Now, who are you and what else do you know about the incident at Jindai?” the Council President asked, his tone measured.

“I…I’m Shiro Honda. I put set up the bomb because of what Sagara did to our gang,” the prisoner explained, tears of pain running down his face.

“And what did you do to their gang, Sagara-kun?”

“…” the mercenary stood silently as he tried to remember what he’d done to whom since his arrival in the neighbourhood. “Were they the ones that were threatening those shopkeepers last month?”

“They’re on our turf and they have to pay protection money!” Shiro insisted.

Hiyashimizu cocked a raised eyebrow at Sousuke. “Fighting for justice now are we, Sagara-kun?”

“It was a calculated risk to ensure that the area around Chidori’s apartment is as safe as possible,” Sousuke explained. “I merely suggested that if they tried that again, I’d practice my knife throwing on them.”

“You threw a knife at the boss’s balls and he pissed himself!” Shiro added. “How could a man live with such a humiliation?”

“And you tried to burn down the school because you thought that Sagara-kun was inside?”

“Err… yeah,” Honda said nervously, hoping that his ordeal was over.

“A poor choice of strategy,” the mercenary commented. “It was too reliant on my movements being predictable.”

“Indeed, not only was it reliant on Sagara-kun’s presence in the building, but it endangered the rest of the student body. You will turn yourself in and confess to the authorities,” Hiyashimizu instructed. “Is that clear, Honda-san?”

“Y-yes…”

“Very well then, Sagara-kun, untie our guest and tend to his injury.”

After a loud crack, albeit one that was quieter than the first, Sousuke relocated Shiro’s thumb.

“I…I can move my thumb?” Shiro asked, not believing his luck.

“Yes, but if you want, I can cut one of them off for you.” The mercenary untied his prisoner before pulling out his knife. “That way your boss won’t think that you caved into our demands too easily.”

“N-no, it’s fine!”

“Very well, we shall escort you to the police for you to make your statement,” Hiyashimizu said before opening the curtains.


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To be continued…

 

[Lord Raa]

Full Trouser Panic


By Lord Raa


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Disclaim-me-do: One does not simply ride bareback into Mordor.


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Part 2


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Ren Mikihara sat in her room, processing the day’s events. While it was not unheard of for Sousuke Sagara to cause damage to the school during his ‘training exercises’, he had always helped when people had asked him to.

“Plus there was the way he risked his life to save us. It was like it was all in a day’s job for him,” the girl whispered, feeling more than a little attracted to Sousuke’s heroics. “I should make him some lunch as a thank you.”


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Sousuke collapsed onto his bedding in exhaustion. The local police had spent a lot of time asking him about how he as managed to locate the suspect so quickly.

They were also curious as to how he knew so much about explosive and incendiary devices, given that Honda was barely capable of coherent speech when the pair of them arrived at the police station.

‘It would’ve been better if Hayashimizu had accompanied us from the beginning, he would’ve said the right thing,’ the mercenary decided. ‘Still, what’s done is done and I need sleep.’


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“Not bad at all,” Mao said as she looked at the two portfolios she’d made for her teammates. “Now all we need to do is come up with some stage names for these two.”

Leaning back in her chair, the Sergeant-Major looked up at the ceiling, hoping for divine inspiration for her task. After a minute, she shook her head and reached for her coffee mug. She rolled her eyes when she noticed it was empty and frowned when she noticed the maker was also out. “Damn, I guess it’ll be a while before I can get a refill… That’s it, I’ve got Kurz’s stage name – Phil Erupp!”

Letting out a triumphant sigh, Mao turned back to Kurz’s application form and filled out his stage name. When that paperwork was completed, she refilled the coffee-maker and left the room for a quick bathroom break.

“Still got to come up with a name for Sousuke.”


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At lunchtime, Sousuke looked surprised when Ren Mikihara stood at his desk. “Can I help you?”

“I… I wanted to do something nice for you as a thank you for yesterday,” Ren said as she held out a bento, her cheeks were tinged red. “Thank you for saving my life, Sousuke-kun.”

“You’re welcome, Mikihara-san,” the mercenary bowed before accepting the gift. “But you didn’t need to go through the trouble of making me lunch, it was all in a day’s work. If it was necessary, I would jump out a window to save you again.”

The other girls in the classroom heard Sousuke’s words and began to gossip amongst themselves, some of them having actually witnessed him jumping out of a window.

When Kyoko joined in, showing them some of her photos, Kaname let out a sigh.

“Still,” the blue-haired girl mused, “at least they’re not cheering him on for blowing stuff up again.”


@@@@@


Melissa Mao was putting the finishing touches to Sousuke’s application. She’d selected what she’d considered to be the most promising shots of her subordinate.

‘He doesn’t look bad with his shirt off,’ she noted idly as she found herself struggling to complete the last part of the paperwork. She flicked through the other pictures of Sousuke, wondering if she had one of him naked.

Kurz had insisted that Mao had taken naked pictures of him and had taken great pleasure in showing off during the shoot, much to her annoyance.

Sousuke though, was a different proposition. She recalled how he had calmly and immodestly stripped to waist and started to fish, chop wood and do other stuff to prepare for a brief camping trip. He’d even made them something to eat for when they’d finished.

Mao found that she did have shot of the young Sergeant with him naked it. In that image, she managed to avoid staring at his groin, though she did note that there wasn’t much between him and Kurz in the size stakes.

Melissa looked at Sousuke’s face and noticed that while there was his usual steely determination on his face, his eyes told her that he was fighting to survive for someone. And that someone was who he planned to spend the rest of his life with.

The Sergeant’s mind drifted off as she considered idea of Sousuke protecting and loving her. Her eyes dropped to where Sousuke’s crotch was clearly on display and let out a sigh as she realised how appealing it was. “Maybe in another life...”

There was a knock on the door and Mao scrambled to hide what she was working on.

“Come in,” she said when most of the photos were out of view.

“Sergeant Mao,” a young NCO in his mid-twenties said in an Eastern European accent. “I need you to sign off on this requisition form.”

“What? Oh, right, Mao said as she reached for her pen. “Let me grab my pen and I’ll let you get on your wa-”

She trailed off when she saw where her pen was – lying on top of the naked photo of Sousuke. ‘Shit. Play it cool, Melissa, he might not of noticed.’

“Is that Sergeant Sagara?” the NCO asked as he handed the pen over.

“It’s a long story, but I can explain. It’s for a top secret mission.”

The young man looked at the picture sceptically for a moment. Then he realised what it must be. ‘The Captain likes Sergeant Sagara, so maybe it’s for her. I better not mention this to anyone...’ “I understand the need for secrecy on this matter. Please sign this so I can leave you to your work, Sergeant.”

“Thank you, err, Chief Petty Officer,” Mao smiled when she saw the rank insignia. She quickly signed the paperwork and handed it back.

The NCO saluted before leaving the room, allowing Mao to breathe a sigh of relief. “That was a close one. Wait, I could use his name... what was it? Oteteleşanu? Otopeanu? No, I can’t use his name. Maybe if I change a few letters... there we go, Otelita! I’ve got no idea how the hell you say it, but it’ll do for now. Crap, he’ll need a first name too.

“Something starting with ‘S’ – it’ll make things easy for everyone. S... Sousuke? No. Shinji? Nah, I think Sousuke’s got someone in his class called Shinji – I don’t want things to be too close to home.”

The Sergeant tapped the desk as she tried to come up with something to finish this laborious task. “Sssss..... Sula that’ll have to do.”


@@@@@


A few days later, in another part of Japan, a trio of sleazy men were looking over the applications for employment that they’d received.

“This guy is too fat,” Hiroshi Sakata said. “I know there’s a hardcore market for ‘the average guy’, but it’s just too limiting from a commercial perspective. We have to consider overseas markets.”

“What about this guy?” another man, dressed in a red t-shirt and jeans suggested. “He’s pretty good looking and he’s comfortable with a camera.”

“That’s true,” Sakata nodded. “And he looks suitably exotic, put him on the maybe pile.”

The third man, dressed in chinos and a black button-down shirt brought out the one application that he thought was the man they were looking for. “Here, what do you think to this guy? Sure, he’s not quite as handsome or polished as the blonde, but he’s got a focus the others lack.”

Sakata looked at the series of photographs. “Hmm, you’re right with the blonde being better looking, but there’s an intensity about his eyes that’s scary and exciting.”

“That may have something to do with the fact he’s gutting a fish,” the man in the t-shirt added. “That said, he doesn’t seem camera-shy. I say we give him a call back and head off to lunch.”

The other two men nodded in agreement.

“Ok, what’s his name?” Sakata asked.

“Sula Otelita, weird, but hey, maybe we can get him to change it to something easier on the ear?”


@@@@@


Sousuke relayed the arrangements for his audition to his teammates. The fact that he’d been given the call back and Kurz hadn’t had bruised the blonde’s ego more than a little.

“I can’t believe they weren’t interested in me,” the sniper grumbled. “What’s Sousuke got that I haven’t?”

“I’m going to refrain from the scathing comment that springs to mind, Kurz,” Mao replied, her face wearing a broad grin. “Instead, I’m going to remind you that there’s no accounting for taste. Now, we need to prepare Sousuke for-”

There was a knock on the door, causing the Urzu teammates to scramble to move their illicit materials out of sight.

“Come in,” the Sergeant Major said.

“Ah, hello there,” Captain Testarossa said, smiling politely at everyone.

“How can we help you, Captain?” Mao asked, hoping to get the cute, but clumsy girl out of the room as soon as possible.

“I... Sergeant Sagara... I heard about what happened at your school,” Tessa said, her cheeks colouring.

“Oh, what did you do this time, Sousuke?” Kurz asked, turning to his teammate. “Take down a purse-snatcher with a well-placed stone?”

“No, at least, not at Jindai High School,” Sousuke admitted. “I’m sorry, Captain, but what incident are you referring to?”

“I’m talking about when you ran into the burning building,” Tessa explained. She let out a sigh, “It was so brave of you.”

Mao turned to Kurz and looked at him questioningly before shifting her attention to Sousuke. “So, Sousuke, can we assume that piloting an Arm Slave, engaging in regular counter terrorist operations and other duties that involve risking life and limb aren’t enough and you need to moonlight as hero? What next, a spandex costume?”

A thin trail of blood dripped from the silver-haired girl’s nose as she considered the image of the teenaged boy standing before her dressed in skin-tight spandex, every contour of his body outlined and accentuated.

“No underwear lines...” she whispered happily.

“Captain?” Sousuke asked, rushing to the girl’s aid.

“What? Oh, sorry, Sergeant, I was just distracted. I’m fine, I just wanted to say that I’m proud of you and I’m going to recommend you for a commendation for bravery,” Tessa smiled.

“Thank you, Captain,” Sousuke saluted. “But that’s not necessary, I was only doing my duty.”

“Such modesty...” the Captain sighed. “I insist, Sergeant.”

“Just accept it, Sousuke!” Kurz insisted.

The scarred youth turned to his unit commander, who nodded once. “Very well, since you insist, Captain. But I’m sorry to say that we’re in the middle of organising a mission at the moment.”

“It’s related to our detached duty,” Mao added. “We need to maintain security and plausible deniability for our superiors.”

“Oh, I see, well, I’ll be going now,” Tessa saluted her subordinates before leaving. ‘Sousuke’s so brave...’

When they were alone, Sousuke locked the door. As he turned to face Mao, Kurz was standing with his arms folded across his chest.

“Is something the matter, Kurz?”

“You could say that,” the blonde replied.

“Not now, we need to prepare Sousuke for his first day undercover,” Mao said.

“How do you prepare for the experience of working on an adult video shoot?” Sousuke asked. “What would I need to be prepared for?”

“Well, there’s having people see you naked,” the Sergeant-Major answered.

“Being seen undressed doesn’t bother me.”

“You certainly weren’t shy in your photo-shoot,” Mao conceded. “But there’s more to being seen and filmed in the nude.”

“She’s right, Sousuke,” Kurz beamed. “Can you keep it up during filming?”

“I... well, I’ve never thought about it, to be honest,” Sousuke admitted. “Are we going to have to have a practice run at this?”

Kurz’s smile grew. “I think that’s a great idea.”

“You would,” Mao muttered. “Still, we can’t just have Sousuke turn up on set and start clumsily fumbling with the girls – they’ll only allow so much amateurism.”

“That means we need to find someone to give Sousuke here some experience. Let’s hit the local bars!” the blonde suggested happily. “I’m sure that we can find someone willing to show our friend here a good time.”

Melissa Mao sighed. Kurz did have a point, but his suggestion did have one potential drawback: security.

While she doubted that any women encountered in a bar would be able to place Sousuke as a MITHRIL operative, the people they were investigating were organised criminals, and their assets could include local bars and soaplands. It could very easily lead to awkward questions, and who knew the extent of their intelligence network?

Underestimating an enemy’s intelligence was a mistake that you only made once.

The solution for this problem clearly called for a big sacrifice.

“Kurz, leave us for a while,” Mao ordered. “Sousuke, take a seat.”

“You mean we’re not going out?” the blonde pouted.

“We’re not stopping you, Kurz; I just need to talk to Sousuke in private.”


@@@@@


Tessa Testarossa skipped happily down the corridor to her private quarters. Upon entering, she sighed contentedly.

‘Sousuke is so brave,’ she thought as she flopped onto her bed, ‘risking his life for people like that. He even jumped out of a window. I wonder what it would be like for him to hold me like that...’

The silver-haired girl closed her eyes as she allowed a little fantasy to occupy her mind.

Sousuke carrying her out of a burning building in his arms, his shirt strategically damaged so it revealed his muscles.

“Are you alright, Tessa?” he asked.

She coughed weakly, causing him to check her breathing.

Their eyes met and Sousuke instantly knew that it wasn’t mouth-to-mouth resuscitation that Tessa needed.

Just as they kissed, Tessa rolled over and fell out of her bunk.

“Ow!” she grumbled, rubbing her hip. “Still, at least I got to kiss him this time.”


@@@@@


After locking the door to the room, Melissa Mao turned to Sousuke, fixing him with a steely glare.

“What I’m about to say to you cannot be mentioned to anyone. I am serious, Sousuke, no-one can know about this. No hints, no drunken tales with your friends, not even MITHRIL high command. If you tell anyone, I will be personally responsible for your death. It will not be quick. It will not be painless. Do you understand me?”

The scarred youth nodded solemnly.

“Say it, Sousuke.”

“I will not repeat anything you tell me, Sergeant-Major Mao. I will take this conversation to my grave.”

“Good. I’m glad you understand. Now, your cover identity is a porn-star,” Mao said as she crossed the room to where Sousuke was standing nervously. “In order to maintain your cover, we can’t just have you fumbling around with the girls on set. They’ll be expecting you to have some experience with a woman. Do you have any experience with women?”

“Just normal interactions and mission debriefings, Ma’am,” Sousuke replied.

“Can you see how this could be a problem seeing as you’re supposed to be a porn-star?”

“Yes, that could prove problematic.”

“We need you to get some experience. But we need to keep a tight grip on things, so we can’t exactly have you bar-hopping with Kurz. Plus, well, I don’t think you’ll be comfortable going to a brothel,” the beer-loving woman added. She took a deep breath. “Not to mention what the Captain or Chidori would say if she ever found out...”

Sousuke shivered at the thought of the beating Kaname would give him if he even mentioned a visit to a brothel.

“So we’re not left with many options, are we?” Mao asked rhetorically. She forced a smile before sighing. “In fact, I can only think of one option for teaching you how to pleasure a woman: me.”

“It goes against regulations,” Sousuke replied reflexively. After a moment, and an angry glare from his superior, his brain caught up with his mouth. “But I cannot think of any alternatives, Sergeant-Major. I appreciate your sacrifice.”

“You better, Sousuke, you better.”


@@@@@


Kyoko took a deep breath to calm herself and help her take stock of the situation. She hadn’t planned for things to get out of hand, but during the discussion on Sousuke Sagara actions during the fire, she had casually mentioned that she had more photos of him.

This, naturally, had led to requests to see these photos, and luckily, Kyoko had a selection of them with her. Some of them had Sousuke as the focus, with him scanning the middle-distance for threats to Kaname.

Suddenly, one of the schoolgirls wondered aloud if there were any pictures of Sousuke without his uniform on.

The entire group looked around to see who had asked that salacious and highly inappropriate question. The looks on their faces suggested that it could have slipped out any of their mouths.

“I...” Kyoko asked, beads of sweat forming on her forehead. “I might have one of him at the beach. Let me check.”

Time seemed to slow as the pigtailed girl struggled to cycle through her digital photographs, searching for the image that would satisfy the group of infatuated schoolgirls. Fingers were starting to drum against the laminated wood of the desktop.

“Well?” a voice from the crowd demanded.

“I’ve only got one, here,” Kyoko said as she showed the slightly blurry picture of a shirtless Sousuke being chased by a bokken-wielding Kaname Chidori.

“Is that it?” another asked.

Kaname silently approached the group.

“It’s not like you can just download pictures of him off the internet,” the blue-haired girl said, surprising her classmates. “Besides, he’s so paranoid that you’ll never be able to sneak into his place and set up a spy camera.”

“So... that’s it? One blurry photo of him at the beach being chased by you?”

“Sorry,” Kyoko apologised. “But Kana-chan is right; Sousuke is cautious about who he lets into his apartment.”

Kaname looked around, hoping to find who amongst them was demanding pictures of Sousuke. Sure, he wasn’t bad looking, and had a very nice body thanks to his training, but his inability to blend in with civilians was infuriating to say the least. “Do you know what you’re getting yourselves in for when you get involved with Sousuke? Do you know the kind of havoc he causes when he’s just walking to school?”

“N-no, b-but that’s because y-you’re trying to keep him all to yourself, Chidori-sempai!” a quiet girl insisted.

“Ha-ha, what?” the Whispered asked, after a short burst of sarcastic laughter. “It’s not like I want that military maniac following my every move!”

“So... you don’t mind if they ask him out, Kana-chan?” Kyoko teased.

“What? Of course not! You can experience life with a psychopath who thinks food should have an expiry date measured in years.”

Ren Mikihara had been silently observing the scene in the classroom. ‘Eating all that processed food can’t be good for Sousuke-kun and he did seem to enjoy that lunch I made for him...’


@@@@@


Melissa Mao stood at attention in front of Commander Kalinin’s desk.

“What is it, Sergeant-Major?” the moustachioed man asked.

“I... It’s about our detached duty, Sir,” Mao replied.

“How is that mission going, Sergeant-Major?”

“Sir, it’s... well, we’ve made some progress, but there’s a potential problem for us to overcome. The good news is we’ve got an interview with the Black Orchid producers.”

“But what is the bad news,” the Russian asked.

“Sergeant Sagara was selected for the interview, not Sergeant Weber,” the purple-haired woman explained. “Infiltrating Black Orchid would be easier with Sergeant Weber, as he has more experience with such things, but we knew that this was a possibility when we signed on for this mission.”

“I see,” Kalinin nodded. “What do you need to ensure that Sergeant Sagara can complete his role in the mission?”

“Well, Sagara needs some extra.... training,” Mao answered, shifting uncomfortably. “Unfortunately, to ensure operational security, I’m going to have to personally conduct this training with Sergeant Sagara. We’re going to need some petty cash, Sir. Enough to pay for a weekend break for two.”

The Commander blinked in surprise. “Sergeant-Major, am I going to regret asking for details?”

“I fear so, Sir.”

“Then I shan’t,” Kalinin said, deciding that discretion was the most important factor here. He opened a drawer and reached into it, pulling out a pad of requisition forms. “Sergeant-Major, I am about to allow you a sum of money that should cover any... out-of-the-ordinary expenses. I do not wish to hear stories of what this money was spent on.”

“Thank you, Sir,” Mao saluted. “I share your desire to keep as many details about this mission as secret as possible.”


@@@@@


Sousuke had read the message Mao had sent him. In the past, his orders had regularly included him being told to prepare for a short trip away from Tokyo. This one was no different.

This message also included a note about the need for secrecy. Again, that was the norm.

How this message had differed from the ones he’s received in the past was that it had explicitly warned him not to mention anything to Kurz lest he suffer the consequences.

Sergeant-Major Mao had a reputation for cruel and unusual punishments; punishments that made his life in Helmajistan look like the pampered upbringing of an upper class white child from America. It had often made the young mercenary wonder what the MITHRIL hierarchy thought about the actions of such a soldier.

Before Sousuke could ponder that more, his superior officer approached him. She was pulling a wheeled suitcase behind her.

“Are you ready to go, Sousuke?”

“I am, Sergeant-Major.”

“For the duration of this mission, you are to call me ‘Misato’, is that understood?” Mao asked, her keen vision scanning the area for threats and eavesdroppers.

“I… yes, Misato,” Sousuke nodded.

“Good. Follow me, we’re going to leave Tokyo for a few days.”

“Can I ask why, S- Misato?”

“I’ll explain it when we’re on the train,” Melissa said, clearly still uncomfortable with revealing the details.

“I understand,” Sousuke nodded as he stood up and shouldered his own bag.


@@@@@


Melissa Mao sat on the intercity train out of Tokyo. She cast several glances up from her magazine at the young man opposite her.

‘Sousuke Sagara,’ she thought. ‘He seems so stoic, so calm; I wonder if he realises what he’s got to do? What we’re going to be doing?’

“Is something that matter?” Sousuke asked.

“No, I was just thinking.”

“Thinking about what?”

“You, Sousuke,” Mao answered. She leaned in for a little more privacy. “Our mission for the next few days is for training purposes.”

“What will the training consist of, S- Misato?” Sousuke asked, catching his slip.

The Sergeant-Major looked around to see if the coast was clear. “Remember our conversation from the other day? The one you are not to talk about?”

“Yes,” the young man nodded.

“That is what you’re going to be learning. Oh, and before I forget, you should answer to the name ‘Touji’.”


@@@@@


One change of trains and a short bus ride later, Sousuke and Mao stepped into the reception of the onsen hotel.

“Good afternoon,” the young lady behind the desk greeted politely. “How can I help you today?”

“We have a reservation under the name of Mr. and Mrs. Suzuhara,” Mao explained as she reached into her purse for some identification. She pulled out two plastic cards and handed them over. Leaning in for a conspiratorial whisper, she added, “My husband is a bit disorganised, so I have to take care of the details.”

The clerk at the check-in desk smiled politely as she took the cards and looked at the photos to compare their likenesses with the two people standing before her. Seeing that they were the same people, she keyed the details into the computer.

“There you go, Mrs. Suzuhara,” she said as she handed back the identification and a wallet contain two electronic room keys. “Your room is on third floor, turn left when you get off the elevator.”

“Thank you,” ‘Mrs. Suzuhara’ bowed politely in response. “Come on, Touji-kun, I’ve been looking forward to this break for months.”

“Yes, Misato,” Sousuke nodded.

The unnatural stiffness in the young man’s voice caused the hotel employer behind the desk to raise an eyebrow. Since it was a slow day, she had the opportunity to track the new arrivals to the elevator. They didn’t seem very close for a young married couple.

‘He does have a nice butt though…’


@@@@@


Upon entering the room, Sousuke checked for potential entry points while Mao looked for surveillance devices.

Satisfied that the room could be easily secured against intruders, Sousuke looked for some spare bedding.

“What are you doing, Sousuke?”

“I’m preparing my bedding for the night,” he replied. “There is only one bed, after all.”

“There’s only one bed for a reason, Sousuke,” Mao sighed. “Remember that as far as everyone here at the hotel is concerned, you’re my husband.”

“But you’re already making a sacrifice for this mission, Mao. I can’t-”

“Sousuke, given what we’re going to be doing, sleeping in the same bed is hardly a step too far,” the woman sighed.

“I apologise, Mao. Sorry, Misato. I appreciate all your help,” Sousuke bowed politely. “How do you wish to proceed?”

“A quick shower, dinner and then we’ll start at the beginning.”


@@@@@


To be continued…

 

[Lord Raa]

Full Trouser Panic


By Lord Raa


@@@@@


Disclaim-me-do: Essentially, a soldier is very happy when the enemy stops firing at him.


@@@@@


Part 3


@@@@@


At Jindai High School, several students were on the lookout for a particular individual.

The individual in question hadn’t been seen for several days, and while this wasn’t out of the ordinary, the one person who seemed to know the most about these absences was just as in the dark as the rest of her classmates.

“Look, I’m not Sousuke’s keeper, alright? It’s not my job to know where he is at all times,” Kaname Chidori snapped.

“But you seemed so close,” a brunette called Megumi Murata protested weakly.

“You can ask him yourselves, you know. It’s not like he’ll bite your head off,” the Whispered sighed in frustration.

“N-no, but the last time someone asked about his absence, he said that he’d have to kill anyone who found out,” Megumi nervously answered.

“And what makes you think that he’ll tell me?” Kaname countered.

It was then that Sousuke Sagara walked into the classroom. He approached his seat and greeted Kaname. “Good morning, Chidori-san.”

“Good morning, Sousuke.”

“G-good morning, Sagara-kun,” Megumi said shyly.

Sousuke blinked for a moment as he recalled the girl’s name. “Good morning, Murata-san.”

“Err… Sagara-kun… I… err… Um….” The brunette fumbled for her words as she tried to work up the courage to ask her questions.

“Is something the matter, Murata-san? You seem rather flushed.” Sousuke’s voice was filled with a more compassionate tone than usual.

“I think she wants to know where you have been for the past few days, Sousuke,” Kaname explained. She was growing tired of this ‘Sousuke-mania’ and how everyone was bothering her for details about the strange boy.

“I was ordered not to reveal any details,” the mercenary replied. “Please do not ask me again as I gave my word on the penalty of a lengthy and painful death.”

“Isn’t the threat of torture a violation of your human rights, Sagara-kun?”

“I understood the risks when I accepted the terms, Murata-san. My life is as expendable as my superior officers deem it to be.”

“Oh,” Megumi replied. “But did you have a nice time?”

“I was ordered not to reveal any details, Murata-san. Telling my classmates about any enjoyment I may or may not have had during my absence would breach my standing orders,” Sousuke evaded. “I have no desire to be tortured to death today.”


@@@@@