Naruto Future Lost

[Meinos Kaen]

Personally, I'm more curious why Iruka beat Naruto over the head that his mission was top-secret and abso-fucking-lutely no one could know that he was leaving... yet so far every single character seems to know about it.

- Kelenas

This. It's a bit strange.

Not a bad update. Naruto's operating as well as I expected, though a bit more detail on his handling of the bandits would have been nice. And as much as I dislike Moegi, her character here's taken a bit more rounding out that I like. She's broken, in her own way. Though Iruka saying he'd kill her was a bit ... out there?

Also, DhampyrX2 makes a good point. Moegi not realizing that though, gives her a touch of fallibility.

Hmmm... True that. What about...

ôDo something like this behind my back again, and there will be consequences. Do you understand?ö

Better? About the plant, you still don't know anything about it, ne?

 

[Hashasheen]

Personally, I'm more curious why Iruka beat Naruto over the head that his mission was top-secret and abso-fucking-lutely no one could know that he was leaving... yet so far every single character seems to know about it.

- Kelenas

This. It's a bit strange.

Hmmm... True that. What about...

ôDo something like this behind my back again, and there will be consequences. Do you understand?ö

Better? About the plant, you still don't know anything about it, ne?

Yeah, that comes across better. And true, we don't know what's up with the plant.

 

[zeebee1]

That's like telling a kid that the next time they endanger everyone's live they'll get a spanking.

 

[twiztidone]

hmm interesting about the tree sounds like it could be the origins of zetsu if you really think about it

 

[Juopunumies]

hmm interesting about the tree sounds like it could be the origins of zetsu if you really think about it

Quite.

 

[zeebee1]

*Insert uncontrollable rage at perceived update by mediocre author her.*

 

[Darksnider05]

hmm interesting about the tree sounds like it could be the origins of zetsu if you really think about it

 

[jyusan]

First there was a hand on his mouth and an arm around his neck, the next instant his neck was snapped. If he had still been alive at the time, he would have seen Naruto land silently in front of him and hold his body up so that it wouldn't fall down on the foliage on his own and make noise. There weren't any of his companions in range, but again, you can never be too careful.

This part bugs me a bit.

Neck breaking is <a href='http://www.freesound.org/samplesViewSingle.php?id=97781' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>loud</a>. Much louder than a body hitting the ground. It feels a bit trivial to pick at this, especially when it's with Meinos, who even noted that no one was nearby, but it's starting to get irritating when "...and silently snapped his target's neck." is seriously an excuse to easily kill off an unimportant character without anyone noticing.

 

[shioran toushin]

well maybe he did the neck snaping as silently as he could, that neck breaking did a lot of noise ain't his trouble.

 

[Meinos Kaen]

Just to let you know, I'm going to post an updated version of this story very soon. So, this thread is getting locked... Now!

Edit: Aaaaand I can't lock my topics! DERP!