Iron Fic 2-6
- Thread starter Watashiwa
- Start date
You could also look at IMDb.
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Heyo, scores! I had the hardest time writing comments for this round.
GoatMan
Gambit
http://z14.invisionfree.com/The_Fanfiction...showtopic=18489
Readability: 20
Theme: 18
Details: 17
Plot: 15
Opinion: 18
Total: 88
Spoiler comments: I liked the way you set this one up. The conclusion anwsers the question that the piece asks all along.
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biigoh
Qui audet adipiscitur
http://z14.invisionfree.com/The_Fanfiction...showtopic=18490
Readability: 17
Theme: 16
Details: 15
Plot: 15
Opinion: 14
Total: 77
Spoiler comments: So this is another side of the same story as your previous entry? Interesting. You've still left enough questions unanswered so that there can be greater expansion in the future.
I'm not a big fan of the format, though. Lots of little sentences and/or fragments make it a bit difficult to keep focused.
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Halibel Lecter
Devil May Care
http://z14.invisionfree.com/The_Fanfiction...showtopic=18491
Readability: 19
Theme: 18
Details: 16
Plot: 16
Opinion: 17
Total: 86
Spoiler comments: Another sequel of last week's entry, alright. Unlike biigoh's, this one was a direct continuation from the previous entry's events.
The lack of a conclusive ending leaves it open for another expansion. However, it does lack a conclusion altogether - it ends just as quickly as it began.
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ApocalypseNow
The Lion's Roar
http://z14.invisionfree.com/The_Fanfiction...showtopic=18492
Readability: 14
Theme: 19
Details: 17
Plot: 17
Opinion: 16
Total: 83
Spoiler comments: I love Mass Effect, but I wish you had done it a bit more justice. Mechanically, this piece seemed really rough and unpolished. And the theme of gambling here - is it that he was gambling with the resiliency of his biotic enhancements, or was he gambling with his own life? Or was he not gambling with the lives of the remaining humans? Perhaps all of the above? I like it that you didn't put up a flashing neon sign saying "This is the prompt!"
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twin blade
Warmth
http://z14.invisionfree.com/The_Fanfiction...showtopic=18493
Readability: 18
Theme: 15
Details: 18
Plot: 16
Opinion: 16
Total: 83
Spoiler comments: I should be impressed that you wrote the way you did about an old-fashioned vampire. However, the gore ... 'unsettling' is an understatement.
I don't exactly care for the 'one sentence on each line' setup. It was a bit distracting from the bigger picture. Oh, right! The bigger picture: I assume the gamble in this was that the man was gambling to take in and care for a stranger? (Too bad he lost.)
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Grunt
Gambling for You
http://z14.invisionfree.com/The_Fanfiction...0#entry11361668
Readability: 13
Theme: 15
Details: 17
Plot: 18
Opinion: 13
Total: 76
Spoiler comments: This one was long (8 pages in MS Word), but that's not necessarily a good thing. There's a lot more of it to proofread, and proofreading is something you really need work on (especially for grammar and spelling).
Still, this is an interesting universe you are setting up. It's original, so congrats on putting everything together in the 4 hours! Unfortunately, it still needs a lot of fine-tuning.
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Heyo, scores! I had the hardest time writing comments for this round.
GoatMan
Gambit
http://z14.invisionfree.com/The_Fanfiction...showtopic=18489
Readability: 20
Theme: 18
Details: 17
Plot: 15
Opinion: 18
Total: 88
Spoiler comments: I liked the way you set this one up. The conclusion anwsers the question that the piece asks all along.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
biigoh
Qui audet adipiscitur
http://z14.invisionfree.com/The_Fanfiction...showtopic=18490
Readability: 17
Theme: 16
Details: 15
Plot: 15
Opinion: 14
Total: 77
Spoiler comments: So this is another side of the same story as your previous entry? Interesting. You've still left enough questions unanswered so that there can be greater expansion in the future.
I'm not a big fan of the format, though. Lots of little sentences and/or fragments make it a bit difficult to keep focused.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Halibel Lecter
Devil May Care
http://z14.invisionfree.com/The_Fanfiction...showtopic=18491
Readability: 19
Theme: 18
Details: 16
Plot: 16
Opinion: 17
Total: 86
Spoiler comments: Another sequel of last week's entry, alright. Unlike biigoh's, this one was a direct continuation from the previous entry's events.
The lack of a conclusive ending leaves it open for another expansion. However, it does lack a conclusion altogether - it ends just as quickly as it began.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
ApocalypseNow
The Lion's Roar
http://z14.invisionfree.com/The_Fanfiction...showtopic=18492
Readability: 14
Theme: 19
Details: 17
Plot: 17
Opinion: 16
Total: 83
Spoiler comments: I love Mass Effect, but I wish you had done it a bit more justice. Mechanically, this piece seemed really rough and unpolished. And the theme of gambling here - is it that he was gambling with the resiliency of his biotic enhancements, or was he gambling with his own life? Or was he not gambling with the lives of the remaining humans? Perhaps all of the above? I like it that you didn't put up a flashing neon sign saying "This is the prompt!"
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twin blade
Warmth
http://z14.invisionfree.com/The_Fanfiction...showtopic=18493
Readability: 18
Theme: 15
Details: 18
Plot: 16
Opinion: 16
Total: 83
Spoiler comments: I should be impressed that you wrote the way you did about an old-fashioned vampire. However, the gore ... 'unsettling' is an understatement.
I don't exactly care for the 'one sentence on each line' setup. It was a bit distracting from the bigger picture. Oh, right! The bigger picture: I assume the gamble in this was that the man was gambling to take in and care for a stranger? (Too bad he lost.)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Grunt
Gambling for You
http://z14.invisionfree.com/The_Fanfiction...0#entry11361668
Readability: 13
Theme: 15
Details: 17
Plot: 18
Opinion: 13
Total: 76
Spoiler comments: This one was long (8 pages in MS Word), but that's not necessarily a good thing. There's a lot more of it to proofread, and proofreading is something you really need work on (especially for grammar and spelling).
Still, this is an interesting universe you are setting up. It's original, so congrats on putting everything together in the 4 hours! Unfortunately, it still needs a lot of fine-tuning.
I don't exactly care for the 'one sentence on each line' setup. It was a bit distracting from the bigger picture. Oh, right! The bigger picture: I assume the gamble in this was that the man was gambling to take in and care for a stranger? (Too bad he lost.)
Theme explanation is on the previous page. That's what I get for trying to be subtle... :headbanger:
Watashiwa said:
GambitùIron Ficcer Goatman (Neon Genesis Evangelion)
...But it fits the theme of a desperate gamble quite well, and offers the warning that, even if you win you can't win everything.
...But it fits the theme of a desperate gamble quite well, and offers the warning that, even if you win you can't win everything.
Without the risk of failure, one cannot reap the rewards.
SPOILER ALERT: Besides, what happens to the main character isn't necessarily the worst thing in the world. The body can be broken, but as long as the mind and integrity are intact, one can live with what they've done.
@twin blade - Ok, there's some misunderstandings here. I know that the 2-6 theme is "the gamble", and that Watashiwa gave a prompt in the opening post. What I'm not clear about is: where you gave an explanation of the theme as it relates to your entry. (... because I don't want to grade you more harshly than I did for everyone else.)