Harry Potter lines you wish you saw in the harry potter books
- Thread starter sith2886
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Random lines I thought of.
Voldemort: "Any last words before I kill you, Potter?"
Harry (After pulling out a .357 Magnum revolver loaded with hollow point ammo): "Yeah. Praise the Lord and pass the ammo!" (Proceeds to fire off a round and hits Voldemort between the eyes and takes a chunk of his head off.)
Voldemort: "Any last words before I send you to join you mother and father, Potter?"
Harry: "There can be only one!" (Takes Voldemort's head off with a claymore sword."
Voldemort: "Any last words before I kill you, Potter?"
Harry (After pulling out a .357 Magnum revolver loaded with hollow point ammo): "Yeah. Praise the Lord and pass the ammo!" (Proceeds to fire off a round and hits Voldemort between the eyes and takes a chunk of his head off.)
Voldemort: "Any last words before I send you to join you mother and father, Potter?"
Harry: "There can be only one!" (Takes Voldemort's head off with a claymore sword."
Hat tip to an earlier post (Dec 2 2010, 05:04 PM - Andrew Joshua Talon - this thread)
Fred: He's dead.
George: He sure is.
Draco: He was shot in the back.
George: Who care's whether he was shot in the back or the front, so long as the son of a bitch is dead?
Harry: You did it Neville. You killed Voldemort.
Draco: You call that sportin'? It weren't a real standup fight.
Neville: Standup? I laid down to steady my aim.
Draco: Well, I mean he never had a chance.
Neville: Not at all. Never did, never would have. I didn't ask him to come here. I don't abide giving killers a chance. He wants a chance, let him go someplace else.
The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean - re: Bad Bob - "Not Dirty Bad Bob, from New Mexico, but the original Bad Bob. The mean one. The albino."
Also worthy of mention:
anyone: You tell him... to prepare to go to Hell! I will send him there, directly.
Fred: He's dead.
George: He sure is.
Draco: He was shot in the back.
George: Who care's whether he was shot in the back or the front, so long as the son of a bitch is dead?
Harry: You did it Neville. You killed Voldemort.
Draco: You call that sportin'? It weren't a real standup fight.
Neville: Standup? I laid down to steady my aim.
Draco: Well, I mean he never had a chance.
Neville: Not at all. Never did, never would have. I didn't ask him to come here. I don't abide giving killers a chance. He wants a chance, let him go someplace else.
The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean - re: Bad Bob - "Not Dirty Bad Bob, from New Mexico, but the original Bad Bob. The mean one. The albino."
Also worthy of mention:
anyone: You tell him... to prepare to go to Hell! I will send him there, directly.
Draco: [outraged] You just shot the Dark Lord in the back!
Harry: [unperturbed] His back was to me.
-El Diablo
[Just after Fleur's 'leetle boy' comment]
Harry: I vanquished a Dark Lord before I was two. I fought a troll and killed a Voldemort-possessed teacher when I was eleven. With the help of Fawkes, I killed a sixty foot basilisk when I was twelve. I drove off a hundred dementors with my Patronus when I was thirteen. What have you accomplished in your life, girl? Good grades on your exams?
Harry: [unperturbed] His back was to me.
-El Diablo
[Just after Fleur's 'leetle boy' comment]
Harry: I vanquished a Dark Lord before I was two. I fought a troll and killed a Voldemort-possessed teacher when I was eleven. With the help of Fawkes, I killed a sixty foot basilisk when I was twelve. I drove off a hundred dementors with my Patronus when I was thirteen. What have you accomplished in your life, girl? Good grades on your exams?
Starting off their first divination class, Harry and company were met by a woman in thick glasses.
"Now, I know some people tend to think of my subject as one big hoax, or a 'wooly subject', well in recent years myself and many other professors in my field have stepped u our efforts to teach. Some do crystal ball readings in a field, some edgy teachers do their classes in a seat lodge, well I'm going to take things a little edgier...We're going to do Peyote in the forest!"
"Now, I know some people tend to think of my subject as one big hoax, or a 'wooly subject', well in recent years myself and many other professors in my field have stepped u our efforts to teach. Some do crystal ball readings in a field, some edgy teachers do their classes in a seat lodge, well I'm going to take things a little edgier...We're going to do Peyote in the forest!"
Voldemort: I know you are there, Harry.
Harry: Dumbledore led me to you, Voldemort, although I might have guessed you'd meet me here.
Voldemort: And if Dumbledore told you I was hidden on the underside of hell, would you throw yourself into oblivion to pursue me? Dumbledore trawls for the ignorant and unwary, hauling his gasping prey from the streams of their destinies. Stay out of his net, Harry -
-Raziel and Kain, Soul Reaver 2.
Voldemort: Let's drop the moral posturing, shall we? We both know there's no altruism in this pursuit. Your reckless indignation led you here - I counted on it. There's no shame in it, Harry - revenge is motivation enough. At least it's honest. Hate me, but do it honestly.
-Kain, Soul Reaver 2.
Harry: What game is this, where every player on the board claims the same pawn?
-Raziel, Defiance.
Harry: Dumbledore led me to you, Voldemort, although I might have guessed you'd meet me here.
Voldemort: And if Dumbledore told you I was hidden on the underside of hell, would you throw yourself into oblivion to pursue me? Dumbledore trawls for the ignorant and unwary, hauling his gasping prey from the streams of their destinies. Stay out of his net, Harry -
-Raziel and Kain, Soul Reaver 2.
Voldemort: Let's drop the moral posturing, shall we? We both know there's no altruism in this pursuit. Your reckless indignation led you here - I counted on it. There's no shame in it, Harry - revenge is motivation enough. At least it's honest. Hate me, but do it honestly.
-Kain, Soul Reaver 2.
Harry: What game is this, where every player on the board claims the same pawn?
-Raziel, Defiance.
6..2..4..4..2
A cool female voice sounded inside the telephone box, "Welcome to the Ministry of Magic. Please state your name and business."
"Badass, here to fuck your mother," Harry replied shortly.
"Thank you," said the cool female voice. "Visitor, please take the badge and attach it to the front of your robe."
Several moments later, with the voice wishing him a pleasant evening, Harry stepped out of the claustrophobic quarters and into the Ministry Atrium; and on his chest, pinned neatly onto his robes and shining silver on the square visitor's badge, were the words:
BADASS
motherfucker
A cool female voice sounded inside the telephone box, "Welcome to the Ministry of Magic. Please state your name and business."
"Badass, here to fuck your mother," Harry replied shortly.
"Thank you," said the cool female voice. "Visitor, please take the badge and attach it to the front of your robe."
Several moments later, with the voice wishing him a pleasant evening, Harry stepped out of the claustrophobic quarters and into the Ministry Atrium; and on his chest, pinned neatly onto his robes and shining silver on the square visitor's badge, were the words:
BADASS
motherfucker
"And this," Mr. Bagman said as he came to the last man in the box. "Is Mr. Crouch."
Harry grinned as he took the man's offered hand and gave it a shake. "A pleasure." He blinked as something caught his eye. "Is that your house elf Mr. Crouch?"
"Yes, that's my Winky."
Harry began to nod, only to freeze.
"I'm sorry, but did you say that small wrinkled thing is your... Winky?"
"Indeed"
"Does it work hard?"
"Harder than anyone else's. Why, my wife, bless her soul, she used to love how hard my Winky worked."
Harry could see Tonk's hair shifting colour out of the corner of his eye as he did his best to keep a straight face.
"I see. And does it ever stick its tiny head in some place it shouldn't?"
"Oh yes, quite often in fact. Why, I once found my Winky with its head in a turkey. A turkey! Of all the things. Winky's head was certainly not supposed to be part of the stuffing recipe, I'll tell you that much."
Harry grinned as he took the man's offered hand and gave it a shake. "A pleasure." He blinked as something caught his eye. "Is that your house elf Mr. Crouch?"
"Yes, that's my Winky."
Harry began to nod, only to freeze.
"I'm sorry, but did you say that small wrinkled thing is your... Winky?"
"Indeed"
"Does it work hard?"
"Harder than anyone else's. Why, my wife, bless her soul, she used to love how hard my Winky worked."
Harry could see Tonk's hair shifting colour out of the corner of his eye as he did his best to keep a straight face.
"I see. And does it ever stick its tiny head in some place it shouldn't?"
"Oh yes, quite often in fact. Why, I once found my Winky with its head in a turkey. A turkey! Of all the things. Winky's head was certainly not supposed to be part of the stuffing recipe, I'll tell you that much."
As he crashed into, and then through, the ornate door of his third dining room, Lucius Malfoy was painfully reminded that just because a scion of a old Pureblood family was sorted into Gryffindor, it didn't mean that said scion had forgotten everything he had been taught prior to his arrival at Hogwarts.
"Afternoon, Lucy," Sirius drawled, an aggravating smirk fixed on his face as he stepped over the threshold of the room, idly Vanishing the door-fragments that littered his path. "I see you still haven't summoned up the courage to admit the truth and take that Gender-Changing Potion."
"Black!" the Malfoy patriarch cursed, as he desperately tried to catch his breath.
"I mean, really now. At this point, who do you think you're fooling?" continued Sirius, before changing the subject. "Anyway Lucy, I just thought I'd stop by and have a little chat about my Godson, and the events of your last meeting with him. I'm afraid he was left with the distinct impression that you have something against him, so I thought I'd just stop by and try to... clear the air."
"Do you think this is some kind of joke, Black?" Lucius snarled, as he struggled to rise to one knee, his hand slowly inching towards his illegal back-up wand.
"Oh, on the contrary, Malfoy-" Padfoot's next quip was rudely interrupted, as Lucius attempted to quickly draw his wand and curse the filthy Blood Traitor that he had the misfortune to be related to through marriage. Unfortunately for him, even with over a decade in Azkaban, Sirius's reflexes and wand-work still proved to be the quicker, as his Piercing Curse blew a hole in the Death Eater's torso that a Snitch could pass through, sending the soon-to-be corpse crashing to the floor. Walking forward, Sirius knelt next to Lucius's dying form and finished his one-liner.
"...I'm Deadly Sirius."
"Afternoon, Lucy," Sirius drawled, an aggravating smirk fixed on his face as he stepped over the threshold of the room, idly Vanishing the door-fragments that littered his path. "I see you still haven't summoned up the courage to admit the truth and take that Gender-Changing Potion."
"Black!" the Malfoy patriarch cursed, as he desperately tried to catch his breath.
"I mean, really now. At this point, who do you think you're fooling?" continued Sirius, before changing the subject. "Anyway Lucy, I just thought I'd stop by and have a little chat about my Godson, and the events of your last meeting with him. I'm afraid he was left with the distinct impression that you have something against him, so I thought I'd just stop by and try to... clear the air."
"Do you think this is some kind of joke, Black?" Lucius snarled, as he struggled to rise to one knee, his hand slowly inching towards his illegal back-up wand.
"Oh, on the contrary, Malfoy-" Padfoot's next quip was rudely interrupted, as Lucius attempted to quickly draw his wand and curse the filthy Blood Traitor that he had the misfortune to be related to through marriage. Unfortunately for him, even with over a decade in Azkaban, Sirius's reflexes and wand-work still proved to be the quicker, as his Piercing Curse blew a hole in the Death Eater's torso that a Snitch could pass through, sending the soon-to-be corpse crashing to the floor. Walking forward, Sirius knelt next to Lucius's dying form and finished his one-liner.
"...I'm Deadly Sirius."
Anyone talking to Vernon:
"You're a big man, but you're in bad shape. With me it's a full time job. Now behave yourself."
And because I can't shake the image of someone from the Evans family stalking Death Eaters with a shotgun:
"Listen, the only reason I came back to this crap house is to find out who did it. And I'm not leaving till I do."
- Jack Carter, Get Carter (1971)
"You're a big man, but you're in bad shape. With me it's a full time job. Now behave yourself."
And because I can't shake the image of someone from the Evans family stalking Death Eaters with a shotgun:
"Listen, the only reason I came back to this crap house is to find out who did it. And I'm not leaving till I do."
- Jack Carter, Get Carter (1971)
"Does that wand know it has a new master, Riddle? Because I think it does. It recognizes me, right along with its brethren."
Voldemort snarled, the Elder wand raised even higher, like a scorpion ready to sting. "You lie, Potter. This wand is mine, and I'll take the rest of the Hallows from your corpse."
Harry laughed, derisive and triumphant. "You can't kill me, Riddle. I am the Master of Death, but more importantly- and firstly- I am a Gryffindor."
"What does that have to do with anything?!"
"Tell me, Riddle- in fact, Riddle me this-" Voldemort's face contorted in rage "- have you ever heard of the two deaths? I would guess not, since you're so terrified of it. The first death is when your cold body is lain in the ground. Your second death is when the last person alive who knew you has their first death. It's when you're forgotten, when nobody alive has ever even heard of you. Forgotten, consigned to oblivion- never to effect the world again."
"I'll ensure both your deaths are quick, then." was sneered back- supremely confident, there was no doubt Voldemort thought it would be so. The crowd completely hushed at that, and eerie silence enveloping the shattered Great Hall, even as the false dawn's fingers curled through the sky.
"You don't have the power, Riddle. I'll even tell you why. Gryffindor is the house of the brave, of the courageous. Some define that as acting even when scared to do so, some may define it at stupidity in the face of overwhelming odds. But the end result is that a Gryffindor will fight on, odds don't matter, fear doesn't matter- they do not fear death, they invite him to fight by their side and reap just that bit longer, one last defiance against the threads of fate."
Harry smiled, sharp and sure. "I'm not the Master of Death because of any wand, cloak, or stone, Tom Riddle."
"I am the Master of Death because legends never die."
Voldemort snarled, the Elder wand raised even higher, like a scorpion ready to sting. "You lie, Potter. This wand is mine, and I'll take the rest of the Hallows from your corpse."
Harry laughed, derisive and triumphant. "You can't kill me, Riddle. I am the Master of Death, but more importantly- and firstly- I am a Gryffindor."
"What does that have to do with anything?!"
"Tell me, Riddle- in fact, Riddle me this-" Voldemort's face contorted in rage "- have you ever heard of the two deaths? I would guess not, since you're so terrified of it. The first death is when your cold body is lain in the ground. Your second death is when the last person alive who knew you has their first death. It's when you're forgotten, when nobody alive has ever even heard of you. Forgotten, consigned to oblivion- never to effect the world again."
"I'll ensure both your deaths are quick, then." was sneered back- supremely confident, there was no doubt Voldemort thought it would be so. The crowd completely hushed at that, and eerie silence enveloping the shattered Great Hall, even as the false dawn's fingers curled through the sky.
"You don't have the power, Riddle. I'll even tell you why. Gryffindor is the house of the brave, of the courageous. Some define that as acting even when scared to do so, some may define it at stupidity in the face of overwhelming odds. But the end result is that a Gryffindor will fight on, odds don't matter, fear doesn't matter- they do not fear death, they invite him to fight by their side and reap just that bit longer, one last defiance against the threads of fate."
Harry smiled, sharp and sure. "I'm not the Master of Death because of any wand, cloak, or stone, Tom Riddle."
"I am the Master of Death because legends never die."
Ronald Weasley held his wand to his head, and Harry Potter assured him that by the time he left the room, either his signature or his brains would be on that piece of parchment.
--From The Godfather.
Also, but it isn't really lines,
Lucius Malfoy finds the severed head of his favorite Abraxan in his
bed along with a confession to the incident in the Chamber of Secrets
(or all his crimes) just waiting to be signed. Actually, just anything
where Harry's "making someone an offer he can't refuse" using The
Godfather as a guide on how to get things done in the Wizarding world.
--From The Godfather.
Also, but it isn't really lines,
Lucius Malfoy finds the severed head of his favorite Abraxan in his
bed along with a confession to the incident in the Chamber of Secrets
(or all his crimes) just waiting to be signed. Actually, just anything
where Harry's "making someone an offer he can't refuse" using The
Godfather as a guide on how to get things done in the Wizarding world.
After reading one too many fanfics where Dumbledore uses the line "sometimes sacrifices need to be made for The Greater Good", or where Dumbledore chides Harry for using deadly force against Death Eaters throwing killing curses, I'd like to see a retort paraphrasing Patton.
"Nobody ever won a war by sacrificing himself for the greater good. The way to win the war is to let the OTHER poor, dumb bastards sacrifice themselves for the greater good."
Or just take a more straight paraphrase
"Nobody ever won a war by dying for their cause. The way to win the war is to make the other poor dumb bastards die for their cause. "
"Nobody ever won a war by sacrificing himself for the greater good. The way to win the war is to let the OTHER poor, dumb bastards sacrifice themselves for the greater good."
Or just take a more straight paraphrase
"Nobody ever won a war by dying for their cause. The way to win the war is to make the other poor dumb bastards die for their cause. "