Harry Potter lines you wish you saw in the harry potter books

[mandalorianjedi]

Fudge: I believe there is a saying amongst the Muggleborn and raised: "even a broken clock is right twice a day".

Harry: Here's another saying: "Go to Hell!"

-Turian Council Member and Cmdr Shepard, Mass Effect

Dean: We've done what we could for Kingsley, but he took a bad hit. The Healers corrected with ritualistic procedures and some conjurations. Best we can tell he'll have full functionality, but...

*Kingsley enters room*

Kingsley: Potter.

Dean: Tough son of a bitch. Didn't think he'd be up yet.

Kingsley: Nobody would give me a mirror. How bad is it?

Harry: Hell, Shack, you were always ugly. Slap some face paint on there and nobody will even notice.

Kingsley: Ha-ah! Don't make me laugh, damn it. My face is barely holding together as it is. Ah, it's probably for the best. Everybody was always ignoring you and hitting on me. Time for you to get a fair shot at it.

-Jacob Taylor, Garrus Vakarian and Cmdr. Shepard,Mass Effect 2

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Ron: Oh God, Harry! Hermione! I'm a vampire!

Harry: No you're not Ron.

Ron: I totally am! I'm pale and I burn in the sunlight!

Hermione: No Ron, you're just ginger.

Ron: I'm totally burning up! Look! I MUST be a vampire!

Harry: *sigh*

Ron: How do you explain the fangs?! Or my bloodlust?!

Hermione: What part of "ginger" don't you understand?

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Argh... Fine... Forgive the double post:

Snape's death scene

Snape: "Let me stare into the eyes of the one I love while I die..."

Harry: "Um, wow, this is awkward... And creepy."

Snape: "And maybe if you could change your hair to red..."

Harry: "No!"

Snape: "Bugger." *DIES*


Alternatively, after the battle...

Snape strides into the Main Hall, sneering at everyone's shocked expressions.

"What the hell?! Snape, why aren't you dead?!" Harry shouted. Snape looked around at everyone with a long-suffering look, before fixing a deadpan look at Harry.

"Really Potter... Do you really expect a potions master to die from the venom of a snake he's had access to for months?"

"But... But she ripped the jugular-!"

"Magic."

Harry blinked, stared, and sighed. "Well... That is a valid explanation."

"Indeed. Now, I don't know about you but I am going to go get very, very drunk. Oh, and Minerva? I quit. Bollocks to this buggered up school with these buggering bastards for students," Snape said. "Potter?"

"Yes?"

"If you really insist on having sprogs of your own, name none of them after me," Snape said flatly.

Harry blinked. "Oh... Kay?"

"Good," Snape said. "Now then. I'm off to get pissed. Anyone want to join me?"

"I... Kind of might have to," Harry said.

"The best reason to drink, Potter. The best reason indeed. You ARE learning..."

 

[Azrael]

Argh... Fine... Forgive the double post:

Snape's death scene

Snape: "Let me stare into the eyes of the one I love while I die..."

Harry: "Um, wow, this is awkward... And creepy."

Snape: "And maybe if you could change your hair to red..."

Harry: "No!"

Snape: "Bugger." *DIES*

Been there, done that.

 

[jaredstar]

Ron: "Huh? I don't see a beautiful girl."
Hermione: "Why don't you just turn around?"
Ron: "Hermione, please. Only one of us can hallucinate at a time."


during one argument or another

Hermione: Do you think I'm blind?
Ron: That would explain the hair.

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

And now, for something completely different

Hegwig: Preck.

Trevor: Croak croak, croak.

Hedwig: Preck?

Trevor: Croak croak croak! Croak croak!

Hedwig: *laughing* Prek prek prek!

Hermione: ... What was that all about?

Hedwig: *pleadingly to Harry* Prek prek prek, prek prek?

Harry: Er... *He hangs his head and sighs*

Hedwig: Prek? *Holds out a money bag*

Harry: FINE. *He drops Galleons in it*

Hedwig: Prekkk! *Nips him affectionately, and then flies off with Trevor*

Harry: *To the others* Don't ask.

Ron: Wasn't gonna.

*Later, at a gun shop...*

Hedwig: *Hands over several hundred pounds* Prek prek prek.

Gun Shop Owner: ...You want to buy WHAT?

Hedwig: *looks cute* Prek prek?

Gun Shop Owner: I don't normally sell to owls but...okay.

Hedwig: *evilly* Prek prek prek!

Trevor: Crrroak.

*Later...*

Luna: *Holds a carrot to Harry's mouth* Harry Potter, Luna Lovegood with the Quibbler.

Ron: Uh, Luna, we know who you-

Harry: *Takes a bite of the carrot* Mm. Yes?

Luna: Do you have any comments on the recent vigilante shootings that have taken place throughout the UK where a snowy white owl and a toad have been seen at the scenes of the crimes?

Ron: Vigilante shootings?!

Harry: None at all.

Hermione: Harryyyy... *Looking upset*

Harry: *Another bite of the carrot*

Luna: So you deny knowledge of such shootings? They were not done at your command to facilitate your rise to power or as part of a Magic Communist plot to take over the West?

Hermione: Magic Communist...?

Luna: Like Communists, but magic.

Hermione: *sarcastically* Oh, of course.

Ron: Come on Hermione, where have you been? Magic Communists are nearly as bad as You-Know-Who!

Hermione: You get that from the Quibbler too?

Ron: Of course, where else? *beams*

Harry: Nope, I have no knowledge of such efforts.

Luna: Neville Longbottom! *Brandishes photos* Is this your toad, Trevor?

*It's a picture of Trevor... Wearing sunglasses, and helping Hedwig (also wearing sunglasses... And a wig) with a sniper rifle*

Neville: It is clearly some other toad. Trevor doesn't wear sunglasses.

Luna: Mr. The Toad, do you have any comments? *Holds the carrot to him*

*Trevor just croaks, commenting that the toad in the Sunglasses looks rather dashing*

Neville: I imagine he does.

Luna: Quite. Miss The Owl, do you have any comments?

Hedwig: Prek prek prek! Prek prek! ... *Embarrassed* Prek prek prek.

Harry: Honestly...

Luna: I agree, that is a fetching set of pearls.

Hermione: *holds a hand to her forehead* God...

 

[mandalorianjedi]

Hermione: I'm sick and tired of this Ministry and their anti-Muggleborn bull-...

-Ambassador Donnel Udina, Mass Effect

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Hermione: I've decided to renounce magic and become a Catholic.

Harry: ... Will you wear the uniform?

Hermione: Yes Harry, I will.

Harry: I'm good.

 

[Rahhel]

Harry: Hermione, we need to talk.

Hermione: What is it, Harry?

Harry: It's the house elves...

Hermione: Finally you have seen the light. They must be freed!

Harry: yeaaaah...about that. I would suggest kind of...you know...stopping...like.... forever?

Hermione: What?!

Harry: They have started calling you She-who-must-not-be-named, You-know-who. Only Dobby is brave enough to call you Dark Lady Hermy.

Hermione: They are just joking around. They don't know any better...

Harry: Hermione! They are rallying their forces. An order established by Dobby is doing everything in their might to stop you!

 

[WhiteKnightLeo]

*SNIP*
Harry: There's something you should remember, Ron....admiration is the emotion farthest from understanding.

Source: Aizen Sousuke, Hitsugaya Toushirou; Bleach.

This was from quite a while ago, but I was reading it today so I decided to comment.

Sousuke Aizen got this one wrong.

The line should read, "...adoration is the emotion furthest from understanding".

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

After the final battle...

Hermione: All right Malfoy family, you're all under arrest.

Draco: What? But-But we changed sides!

Harry: What's your point?

Lucius: We-We're allies! What possible reason could you have for prosecuting us now that the Dark Lord is dead?

Harry: How about the Muggleborns you've murdered or authorized the murder, imprisonment or torture of? Or how you participated in maintaining Tommy's old networks of friends and kept his prejudices alive? Just because you changed teams in the middle of the game doesn't mean you don't face the consequences.

Hermione: Besides, maybe you'll be found innocent of wrongdoing. And to facilitate that, guess who we've gotten as your lawyer?

Ron: Just call me Ronald Weasley, Ace Attorney!

Draco: ... All right! I confess to everything! I'll go to Azkaban!

Ron: As your attorney, I strongly advise you to not say anything. It would be bad. Good for me though because then I won't be annoyed.

Draco: I CONFESS! I CONFESS!

Lucius: Draco, shut up! Weasley, how the hell did you get appointed as a solicitor?

Hermione: The only real requirement to pass the bar under Voldemort's reign was "Must hate Harry Potter".

Harry: You hate me, mate?

Ron: Legally, yes I do. You wanker. Now then, shall we start with the... Um...

Hermione: Investigating the case?

Ron: I was going to ask where the courtroom is. Also, will there be food? I'm famished.

Lucius: Oh bugger me.

And now, the continuation.

The courtroom

Lucius: Well, surely this can't be so bad. If Weasley was made a solicitor then surely they could only get someone equally incompetent for the prosecutor.

Ron: I can hear you, you know.

Lucius: ...

Ron: Do you not have an inner monologue or something? And is it because of your hair?

Lucius: My what?

Ron: Draco doesn't have an inner monologue either.

Lucius: Of COURSE I have an inner-wait, what?

Hermione: Malfoy, you wanted to see me, so what is-?

Draco: I AM NOT SEXUALLY AROUSED BY THE THOUGHT OF YOU SPANKING ME!

Hermione: ... *Backs away. Slowly*

Ron: See what I mean?

Lucius: ... That's not due to a lack of an inner monologue, that's due to my son being a moron.

Draco: HEY!

Ron: Oh! There's the prosecutor now.

Andromeda: *smiles* Hello, Lucius. This is going to be fun.

Lucius: My sister-in-law?!

Ron: Well, look on the bright side: She could be the judge.

Lucius: And who is the judge?

Court Officer: All rise for the honorable Judge Mounir Dob!

Lucius: Mounir Dob?

Dobby: *Apparates into the room, wearing a powered wig and over-sized block robes, a sock over his gavel* The people will please be-a-seated.

Ron: Ah, Lucius, you shouldn't pound your head into the table like that, it'll disrupt the proceedings...

 

[LightningHunter]

Court Officer: All rise for the honorable Judge Mounir Dob!

Lucius: Mounir Dob?

Dobby: *Apparates into the room, wearing a powered wig and over-sized block robes, a sock over his gavel* The people will please be-a-seated.

...could've sworn Dobby died before the final battle ever took palce.

 

[mandalorianjedi]

Court Officer: All rise for the honorable Judge Mounir Dob!

Lucius: Mounir Dob?

Dobby: *Apparates into the room, wearing a powered wig and over-sized block robes, a sock over his gavel* The people will please be-a-seated.

...could've sworn Dobby died before the final battle ever took palce.

That wasn't Dobby, that was his evil twin, ironically enough, also named Dobby.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Harry: You think it's worth checking out?

Draco: Any significant magical emission generally indicates wizarding civilization.

Harry: So, you think it's worth checking out.

Draco: I'm sorry. Yes. Magic field good.

- Maj. John Sheppard and Dr. Rodney McKay, Stargate: Atlantis

Dawlish: Let me make myself clear, Potter. You are not here by my choice.

Harry: I'm sure you'll warm up to me once you get to know me, sir.

Dawlish: So long as you remember who's giving the orders.

Harry: That would be Dr. Granger, right?

-Col. Sumner and Maj. Sheppard,Stargate: Atlantis

Harry: That's her!

Draco: That's the Dementor?

Harry: Yeah.

Draco: Wow... She's hot! I mean seriously hot!

Harry: Draco, you're drooling over a Dementor!

Draco: I know, I... disgust myself sometimes.

Col. Sheppard and Dr. McKay, Stargate: Atlantis

 

[sith2886]

Inner Hermione: when so much of me is wrong, out of place you may be to late.

Harry shakes his head and kneels down to look at the projected pensive image: You know me, when I make a promise-

Inner Hermione: you...Keep it. I do know how to pick 'em.

Harry: Lucky me, do you still have it?

Hermione stands up and holds out her hand revealing a cluster of floating ruins: Bill's Ward map from the first Death Eater stronghold, a little souvenir I held onto just in case. Do you have an escape plan?

Harry: thought I'd try shooting my way out, mix it up a little.

Harry dips his wand and removes Hermione and puts the thought/conscious into his head

IH: Just keep your head down, there's two of us in here now you know.

Master Chief and Cortana Halo 3

 

[whitewhiskey]

Voldemort looked across the graveyard at his opponent, "Any final words Potter?"

Harry looked at the fallen form of his friend Cedric and his expression hardened, "Just one, Voldemort," Harry answered as he turned back to lock eyes with his nemesis. Harry raised his wand high towards the sky and called proudly as lightning flashed-

"SHAZAM!"

 

[Darkfiretiger]

Harry Potter and Lucius Malfoy stood a facing eachother in the center of the Wizemgot chamber

"This duel shall be fought acordings to the traditions of this land!" A female member of the Wizemgot called out.

"Harry will you fight this duel your self or have you a champion?" Quiried Dumbledore

"My Owl Hedwig shal fight for me"

"Harry perhaps you could chose a champion who can't be bought of be anyone with a spare side of bacon?"

Dragon Age Origins- The duel at the landsmeet.


* Ron: So, you and the Boy who lived, huh? (Chuckles)
* Daphne: I hope you're not referring to Neville.
* Ron: Him? Does he even like girls?
* Daphne: I believe the matter is still up for debate.
* Neville: (if present) *Sigh* I'm right here, you know.
* Ron: Anyway. You and the Boy who lived, huh?
* Daphne: Do you actually have a question, dwarf? Or is it your intention simply to leer and drool?
* Ron: Stick with the classics. Leer and drool.
* Daphne: I thought so.

* Ron: They tell you what to wear in Huffelpuff?
* Susan: You have robes and such that you must wear.
* Ron: And uh, so. Robes. What else?
* Susan: Well... sometimes there are vestments and ceremonial garments...
* Ron: Right. Right. And... and then?
* Susan: Why are you so interested in this?
* Ron: Oh sod it. Under the robes: pants? No pants?
* Susan: What?
* Ron: Stop stalling. Naked or not?
* Susan: What difference does it make?
* Ron: All right. Stonewall me. I'll find out one way or the other.
* Susan: Uh, right. Good luck with that.

Dragin Age Inter Party Banter... I actualy think I could re-work most of the banter but the DA2 demo is almost finished

 

[wingthesword]

Harry:Fuck you Ron!

That's a line I always wanted to see.

 

[Chuckg]

* Hermione: I've read your biography and all the publicly available records, but nothing beyond that. I'd like to ask you some questions, given our relationship.
* Harry: Our relationship? Is that some kind of clumsy come-on?
* Hermione: I was referring to the mission we share; the one Dumbledore assigned us. If I actually was interested in you, rest assured I could come up with a better approach than this!
* Harry: Whoa, guess I touched a nerve there, huh?
* Hermione: Touched a nerve, no. Getting on my nerves, most definitely. I suppose this is what you men consider being witty.

--Revan and Bastila Shan, "Knights of the Old Republic"


* Ginny: Hey Hermione, do you ever use magic for fun? You know, a little hex to trip up some jerk who's ticking you off?
* Hermione: I would never use magic for such petty and trivial revenge! The mere thought of it is preposterous!
* Ginny: Ah, come on. There's got to be times when you've thought about it. Don't be so stuck up. You can tell me.
* Hermione: I am NOT stuck up! I merely have the years of training to give me the wisdom and understanding to see how childish such an act would be.
* Ginny: Childish? Is that a crack about my age? You ain't much older than me, miss high and mighty! Just 'cause you're a prefect doesn't mean you should be a prissy little... (Ginny falls down and then gets up) What the...? Hey, that wasn't funny!
* Hermione: I have no idea what you're talking about, Ginny. Come now, we have to get going. Please, do try to be less clumsy in the future.

--Mission Vao and Bastila Shan, "Knights of the Old Republic".

 

[zeebee1]

You know, maybe it's just me, but it's not funny when you don't make up your own lines.

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Seventh year...

Hermione: So Harry, Dean wanted to talk to you about some art.

Harry: ... Dean?

Hermione: Yeah, you know... Your roommate for several years, artist... Black?

Harry: You'll have to be more specific Hermione.

Hermione: ... *looks at his roommates and then back at Harry* Ooookay... Harry, are you feeling all right?

Harry: It's year seven, nobody's feeling all right, be more specific.

Hermione: *sighs* ... One of several guys who banged Ginny?

Harry: Oh yeah!

Ron: ... you SLUT! *Stageslap!*

Ginny: WHAT?! There is no age of consent in the Wizarding world!

Hermione: Yes there is! There was a big plot point about it in book 7! I mean, in Harry's 7th year. I mean, our seventh year, bollocks...

Ginny: Yes, but that's just when you can legally use magic and are no longer able to get student loans.

Harry: What about college?

Ron: ...what's a college?

Hermione: ... Harry, I'm smart enough to get a scholarship to Cambridge and you're smart enough to cheat off me. You wanna come?

Ginny: What?! What does the Muggle world have to offer that the Magical world doesn't?!

Hermione: Let's see... The Internet, financial security, the ability to get leadership that isn't inbred...

Harry: Wait, was the internet around now? What year is this?

Hermione: It's a sliding timeline. We're in the... Zeros now.

Harry: Right. Oh, also, toilet paper.

Ginny: Toilet paper?

Harry: I'm sick of using the stick-sponge.

Hermione: I just bring packs from home in my Bag of Infinite Holding, you want some?

Harry: GOD yes.

Hermione: Actually Harry... I just had an awesome idea. Ever read "Foundation"? ... Oh wait, right, Dursleys. Sorry, my bad.

Harry: What's a "read"?

Hermione: ... My God, I am the only sane person in this entire universe aren't I?

Ginny: I dunno, George was smart enough to die.

George: Afterlife party with all the competent people! *High fives Mad-Eye Moody*

Tonks: Can I come?

Sirius: How about me?

George: Hell yes!

Remus: What about-?

Tonks: FUCK no.

Remus: Aw, come on!

George: Let him in, he's a goddamn werewolf. Werewolfs are cool.

Tonks: He abandoned me and our child!

Sirius: And he didn't shred the Dursleys into a fine mist like I told him to if I couldn't be godfather.

Remus: That didn't count as a verbal contract!

Sirius: WE BRO FISTED ON IT!

Remus: *sighs* Come on Sirius... It's either let me in or Snape.

Sirius: Well... Snape is played by Alan Rickman...

Remus: Sirius!

Sirius: Oh... Fine. But you're making this up to Tonks.

Tonks: Your ass is mine for eternity, Wolfy.

Remus: *sighs* Yes dear.

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

After the final battle...

Hermione: All right Malfoy family, you're all under arrest.

Draco: What? But-But we changed sides!

Harry: What's your point?

Lucius: We-We're allies! What possible reason could you have for prosecuting us now that the Dark Lord is dead?

Harry: How about the Muggleborns you've murdered or authorized the murder, imprisonment or torture of? Or how you participated in maintaining Tommy's old networks of friends and kept his prejudices alive? Just because you changed teams in the middle of the game doesn't mean you don't face the consequences.

Hermione: Besides, maybe you'll be found innocent of wrongdoing. And to facilitate that, guess who we've gotten as your lawyer?

Ron: Just call me Ronald Weasley, Ace Attorney!

Draco: ... All right! I confess to everything! I'll go to Azkaban!

Ron: As your attorney, I strongly advise you to not say anything. It would be bad. Good for me though because then I won't be annoyed.

Draco: I CONFESS! I CONFESS!

Lucius: Draco, shut up! Weasley, how the hell did you get appointed as a solicitor?

Hermione: The only real requirement to pass the bar under Voldemort's reign was "Must hate Harry Potter".

Harry: You hate me, mate?

Ron: Legally, yes I do. You wanker. Now then, shall we start with the... Um...

Hermione: Investigating the case?

Ron: I was going to ask where the courtroom is. Also, will there be food? I'm famished.

Lucius: Oh bugger me.

And now, the continuation.

The courtroom

Lucius: Well, surely this can't be so bad. If Weasley was made a solicitor then surely they could only get someone equally incompetent for the prosecutor.

Ron: I can hear you, you know.

Lucius: ...

Ron: Do you not have an inner monologue or something? And is it because of your hair?

Lucius: My what?

Ron: Draco doesn't have an inner monologue either.

Lucius: Of COURSE I have an inner-wait, what?

Hermione: Malfoy, you wanted to see me, so what is-?

Draco: I AM NOT SEXUALLY AROUSED BY THE THOUGHT OF YOU SPANKING ME!

Hermione: ... *Backs away. Slowly*

Ron: See what I mean?

Lucius: ... That's not due to a lack of an inner monologue, that's due to my son being a moron.

Draco: HEY!

Ron: Oh! There's the prosecutor now.

Andromeda: *smiles* Hello, Lucius. This is going to be fun.

Lucius: My sister-in-law?!

Ron: Well, look on the bright side: She could be the judge.

Lucius: And who is the judge?

Court Officer: All rise for the honorable Judge Mounir Dob!

Lucius: Mounir Dob?

Dobby: *Apparates into the room, wearing a powered wig and over-sized block robes, a sock over his gavel* The people will please be-a-seated.

Ron: Ah, Lucius, you shouldn't pound your head into the table like that, it'll disrupt the proceedings...

And now, the event you've all been waiting for...

*The Trial!"

Lucius: Do I not get a jury of my peers?

Ron: Yeah, you would... But according to Statute 55.3 dash 2, they must have two generations going back who are in fact magical and since pretty much everyone who fulfills that requirement is in jail...

*The Jury is made up of Neville, Susan Bones, and several Weasleys*

Lucius: Ah... Well. I see...

Dobby: As they are all Purebloods, their testimony is to be treated as twice as valuable as that of a half-blood! His Royal Lawfulness Dobby hereby says bleached ex-master will have speedy trial! As ordered by law 334 dash 9! It will take no longer than one hour! Does bleached ex-master have any objections?

Lucius: Well, given I wrote most of those statutes so I don't see how I can.

Dobby: Good! Councillor Andrommy, be making opening statements!

Andromeda: Thank you Your Honor. As will be proved by documents kindly provided by Narcissa Malfoy under the "All Documents That Could Be Used Against Me Are my Domain" statute to the Minister of Magic, Lucius Malfoy knowingly and willingly signed the execution orders of innocent Muggleborns based on the racist philosophy of Lord Voldemort for his own political gain. His changing sides does not change this fact. I believe he should therefore be sentenced to Azkaban for the rest of his miserable life, if not outright death. Opening statement concluded. *She sat down, there was much applause*

Dobby: Defense?

Ron: Ahem... *He rises, wiping crumbs off his shirt. He walked to the center of the courtroom* Ladies and gentlewizards... Yes Lucius Malfoy was a servant of Lord Voldemort-Twice. Yes he was a murderer who lied about being under the Imperius, yes he tried to kill Muggleborns with the Diary of Lord Voldemort in second year, yes he signed execution orders and menaced children and yes he is pretty much a mincing racist murderer...

Lucius: *Facepalm*

Ron: But let's consider the good things about him.

*Silence... Silence... Silence...*

Ron: ... He changed sides when he saw his side was losing.

Lucius: *Beating his head against the desk*

Ron: And doesn't that count for something?

Everyone: ...

Ron: Yeah, I didn't think so either. Defense rests. *Sits down and looks over at Lucius with a smile* We've got this in the bag.

Lucius: At the end, I can only blame myself... And you.

Ron: Thank you!

*Meanwhile, in one of the holding cells ...*

Pansy: Hi Potter.

Harry: Hey Parkinson. *sighs*

Pansy: Depressed?

Harry: A bit, yeah.

Pansy: *Holds up her handcuffed wrists* Well, we all have our problems.

Harry: What are you being charged with? I mean, aside from selling me out.

Pansy: Okay, you know, I really do regret that-

Harry: *dryly* I'm sure.

Pansy: -AND I am fully prepared to make up for it.

Harry: How?

Pansy: Spare me and I will be your love slave.

Harry: Oh come on, you really think that I would take Draco's sloppy seconds?

Pansy: FOR YOUR INFORMATION, Potter-Draco never touched me, not even when I got Daphne and Tracy in for a foursome.

Harry: What?

Pansy: He was not remotely interested in any of us, just in Granger because he wanted to be spanked.

Harry: ... Not as surprising as it should be.

Pansy: So yes, I am untouched, desperate, and truly regretful.

Harry: Well... Um... I'll think about it...

Pansy: *sigh* Oh for Merlin's sake... *She drops to her knees and opens his pants*

Harry: Wh-What are you doing?!

Pansy: It's called "giving you an incentive." And don't worry, I've practiced constantly on the snake statues in the Slytherin common room. They're the only things that would stay hard for us...

Harry: I-But-You-W-Woahhhh!

 

[mandalorianjedi]

Talk about getting a head of the prosecution.

 

[whitewhiskey]

I always enjoyed the odd idea of a Harry Pansy hook-up

And a line I'd Like to see, a Family Guy style segue...

Harry: Hey, Dumbledore, I haven't seen you since you since you were in that <a href='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIMoQHpvFQQ' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>Rap Battle with Gandalf.</a>

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Harry: Hehe...Erect.

Ron: *snicker*

Hermione: Would you two grow up?!

Ron: You're right Hermione... Heheh... We should... Stand tall and proud!

Harry: Right right, stiff upper lip and all that.

Ron: Might get a little hard for us though!

*They continue to laugh*

Hermione: ... Are you two done?

Harry: ... Yes.

Ron: Yeah, yeah... Guess we went... Flaccid.

Hermione: *Hits him with her walking stick*

Ron: OW!

Harry: *Snerk*

*WHACK!*

Harry: Ow!

Hermione: Hmph! *She goes into the tent*

Ron: Owww... Your fault for buying her that thing...

Harry: I think it fits her. Wise Sorceress and what not.

Ron: That's because you like getting hit by her. You're some mastocator!

Harry: I do, kinda. Masochist.

Ron: Whatever.

 

[whitewhiskey]

Hermione: Ron, if anyone in this group masticates, it's you.