Naruto Naruto X-Over Bloopers
- Thread starter Meinos Kaen
- Start date
That image isn't showing up, so I'll assume it basically says "no shit." 
And I'll keep that in mind when I read your posts in the future. A shame that tone and nuances are lost online. Although TFF still beats the hell outta the competition for getting your point across.
Gotta love the self policing policy.
And I'll keep that in mind when I read your posts in the future. A shame that tone and nuances are lost online. Although TFF still beats the hell outta the competition for getting your point across.
Gotta love the self policing policy.
I don't think I've ever drank that much salt water in my life. That was the first coherent thought that surged in his mind as he finally dragged himself out of the water, barely managing to stay on all fours as he heaved and coughed. Damn ero-sennin and his cheap methods of travel...
That was a gratuitous insult. It wasn't a cheap method of travelling, he knew. They had taken a boat to travel around the main island of Kirigakure to avoid any unwanted attention, and it wasn't his fault that the only shady enough characters to accept a ride without asking questions happened to not care much for their vessel. Nor was Jiraiya's fault that they had caught a storm.
ôNgh...ö He fell face first into the sand, his strength leaving him for good. After the storm and the consequent wreckage of the vessel and the fight he put up to not drown, ending up having to stuck himself with kunai to a large wooden plank of the ship, he had woke up near this shore and fought against the tide to get first to a nearby rock, then all the way to the shore, spending all the energy he had left.
He could hear footsteps. He could only move his eyeballs to see the feet of about three people. That did it. His vision got foggy and then darkness overcame him.
-Breakline-
She had mastered the breath, the flow and the movements. Her fire was blue because of its supreme heat, lightning was her to command. And yet there was that hair that always ended up out of place. ôStill not good enough.ö That hair symbolized the distance between her and true firebending masters. But that didn't bother her. It was only a matter of time. It was her destiny. Her nature. Her... ô... What's going on?ö
ôYour highness.ö Her concentration had been broken when the soldiers that had been tasked with refurbishing their supplies had come back with something else, currently resting on one of their backs. ôWe've found a castaway on the beach near here.ö
ôAnd pray tell, how is that reason enough to bring him aboard this ship without my authorization?ö She straightened her posture and stared venomously at the soldiers, who even under all their clothes and armour shuddered much too clearly.
ôB-But, my ladyship... It's a Fire Nation tradition. An imperative. Castaways, shipwrecks, are to always be helped.ö
ôI know that! What I want to know is, since you found him on the beach, why are you taking in on board instead of leaving him in the hands of those peasants you were supposed to purchase food from!ö She raised her voice and summoned a streak of flame out of her hands for menacing effect. The soldiers stumbled back, the one carrying the boy, looking barely older than herself, almost letting him fall to the ground.
ôB-Because... This village doesn't have a doctor.ö She stared at the soldier for a few more seconds before, snarling and motioning with a hand to just get on with it. They bowed in respect and walked up the plank in double-time.
ô... Back-water settlements.ö She muttered under her breath before returning to her exercises.
-Breakline-
ôSo, let's see this castaway.ö The doctor in the infirmary jumped a little in his skin. Good thing he wasn't using any surgical tool. He settled himself down and turned around to see the young princess waltz into the infirmary, alone.
ôHe's sleeping right now, my ladyship.ö The doctor pointed with one of his hands to a nearby bed, where a head laid on a cushion, a covered chest heaving slowly with deep breaths. ôFrom what I could tell, he's been at sea for at least twenty-four hours. He must have been in a pretty big storm. He should recover soon enough, though.ö
ôHow soon are we talking about?ö She asked while she observed the face of the stranger. She raised an eyebrow as she took in his hair.
ôA couple days, maybe.ö She narrowed her eyes. They were supposed to depart the next morning, and they would be in the sea for at least two weeks.
ôThe ship will sail as scheduled. He will just have to pay for the trip to the next town by working.ö The doctor reigned in a sigh. There was no helping royalty, he guessed. He was about to respectfully make her notice that he may not be able to work so soon after recovering, when a gesture from the golden eyed princess made him pause. She had stretched her hand and grabbed a handful of the castaway's hair, rubbing them softly inbetween her fingers. ô... I've never seen anyone with this hair colour.ö
ô... Neither did I, princess.ö That had made him curious as well. He had an age, after all, and in all his years of being in the world he had never seen someone with hair of that colour. Golden, yellow like the rising sun.
ôHmph.ö The princess let go and walked out of the room without further words.
-Breakline-
This 'Naruto' had been just an headache for her ever since her soldiers had found him on that beach, ten days before. First, his very appearance. Second, when he woke up. He ate a person's two days worth of rations, then they realized that he couldn't speak their language. She had personally thrown him overboard only to find that he was a water-bender, if the fact that he could somehow walk on water was any indication.
He had then showed a high degree of fighting prowess, if the fact that she had taken care of two of her normal soldiers who had tried to throw him back overboard without even using water-bending was any indication. Though she had to wonder about the surprise showed on his face when he saw fire-bending.
Grudgingly, she allowed him to stay on board. At least they were able to explain to him that he would have to work to stay. Also, he was willing to learn their language and to fish his own dinner, since otherwise they would all go starving. And if he wasn't an headache because he was troublesome, he was an headache because he was an enigma.
Not speaking their language, having a never-before seen colour of hair and strange marks on his cheek, a water-bender... And extremely curious. He seemed to be fascinated by bending. Whenever he could, he sat somewhere at a safe distance (he had learned his lesson after she had 'accidentally' singed his shoulder with lightning) and watched her practice.
That didn't bother her as long as he didn't disturb her. She was used to people admiring her skills, after all. It was no novelty, it was only due. She went through the motions again before unleashing a chain of lightning in the direction of the ocean. She breathed in and out deeply. That would do for the day.
ôWonderful!ö She awoke to reality and the sound of clapping. She raised an eyebrow at the blonde clapping idiot. Of all the words of their language, that was one of the first ones he got down to memory? He jumped down from his perched position and landed near her. ôEhm... Me. See me!ö
She guessed he meant 'watch me' but the word eluded him or hadn't been taught to him yet. She stared at him neutrally. On one hand, she had never been interested in other people's displays of skills. On the other... The slightly older boy (he had learned first thing their numbers) was a mystery. He knew water-bending, but she had never heard of anyone walking on water. Also, he didn't go through the motions like she saw other benders do. She nodded. She would 'see' him.
He grinned and motioned to her to get back. She acquiesced and observed as he started doing something. He crossed his fingers in a strange position and suddenly, a small cloud of smoke appeared in the middle of the bridge. She showed surprise when it cleared. ô... What in Agni's name...ö
She had never, ever seen something like that. Maybe it was an illusion? She extended her hand and fingered 'it'. No, it was real. ôCopy!ö He exclaimed while she kept on touching the twin that had just appeared.
ôAn... Interesting ability.ö She commented, even if she knew he couldn't understand her. He just grinned, probably believing them to be words of praise.
ôNot over!ö He said, and motioned to her to stay back again. She took a couple steps back, now intrigued to just what else he was going to show her, as she observed him extend one arm over to his 'copy' and the creation do the same with both arms... The wind was rising.
-Breakline-
ôSo, she started screaming 'Avatar' this and 'Avatar' that, calling me a wind-bender and attacking me with lightning and blue fire. That was scary!ö The acrobat giggled as Naruto recounted his first encounter with the fire princess, a few weeks before. ôShe noticed that it wasn't real bending only after burning all my clothes. That's why I'm currently dressed like this.ö
ôUngrateful cur...ö She snarled, still not understanding how could anyone not like Fire Nation royalty clothes and also have the gall to comment on it to her face. Naruto was still a puzzle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in annoyance. Most of the time he acted scared of her, and that suited him just fine, the other he acted bold and defying of her will. Why the hell did she keep him around?
Because they had a deal. She had understood from that day on her ship that he was a powerful person. She had made him the offer of helping her in winning that war in exchange for a later help in returning home and most importantly finding out where that was, compared to the Fire Nation. She would have been a fool to not try and enlist such a powerful servant. ôYou didn't get burned yourself?ö
ôWell, a bit. But, I heal fast!ö
ôIf you keep this up there won't be anything left to heal when we arrive to Omashu!ö She menaced him, summoning flames in her hands for emphasis as she turned around to glare at the cheerful duo. She really hoped Mai hadn't changed much. She would need some quiet to counterbalance those two.
ô... So... You say you've fought Zuko and his uncle?ö Ty Lee asked in a whispered voice. Naruto nodded.
ôYes, but they got away. That old geezer was stronger than what he looked like. Caught me off guard. Threw both of us in the water. Zuko looked pretty strong too.ö He grinned. ôI can't wait for a rematch! Or to meet some more strong people. Always fighting fire-benders gets tiring, after a while...ö
ôWell, maybe when we get to Omashu...ö
That was a gratuitous insult. It wasn't a cheap method of travelling, he knew. They had taken a boat to travel around the main island of Kirigakure to avoid any unwanted attention, and it wasn't his fault that the only shady enough characters to accept a ride without asking questions happened to not care much for their vessel. Nor was Jiraiya's fault that they had caught a storm.
ôNgh...ö He fell face first into the sand, his strength leaving him for good. After the storm and the consequent wreckage of the vessel and the fight he put up to not drown, ending up having to stuck himself with kunai to a large wooden plank of the ship, he had woke up near this shore and fought against the tide to get first to a nearby rock, then all the way to the shore, spending all the energy he had left.
He could hear footsteps. He could only move his eyeballs to see the feet of about three people. That did it. His vision got foggy and then darkness overcame him.
-Breakline-
She had mastered the breath, the flow and the movements. Her fire was blue because of its supreme heat, lightning was her to command. And yet there was that hair that always ended up out of place. ôStill not good enough.ö That hair symbolized the distance between her and true firebending masters. But that didn't bother her. It was only a matter of time. It was her destiny. Her nature. Her... ô... What's going on?ö
ôYour highness.ö Her concentration had been broken when the soldiers that had been tasked with refurbishing their supplies had come back with something else, currently resting on one of their backs. ôWe've found a castaway on the beach near here.ö
ôAnd pray tell, how is that reason enough to bring him aboard this ship without my authorization?ö She straightened her posture and stared venomously at the soldiers, who even under all their clothes and armour shuddered much too clearly.
ôB-But, my ladyship... It's a Fire Nation tradition. An imperative. Castaways, shipwrecks, are to always be helped.ö
ôI know that! What I want to know is, since you found him on the beach, why are you taking in on board instead of leaving him in the hands of those peasants you were supposed to purchase food from!ö She raised her voice and summoned a streak of flame out of her hands for menacing effect. The soldiers stumbled back, the one carrying the boy, looking barely older than herself, almost letting him fall to the ground.
ôB-Because... This village doesn't have a doctor.ö She stared at the soldier for a few more seconds before, snarling and motioning with a hand to just get on with it. They bowed in respect and walked up the plank in double-time.
ô... Back-water settlements.ö She muttered under her breath before returning to her exercises.
-Breakline-
ôSo, let's see this castaway.ö The doctor in the infirmary jumped a little in his skin. Good thing he wasn't using any surgical tool. He settled himself down and turned around to see the young princess waltz into the infirmary, alone.
ôHe's sleeping right now, my ladyship.ö The doctor pointed with one of his hands to a nearby bed, where a head laid on a cushion, a covered chest heaving slowly with deep breaths. ôFrom what I could tell, he's been at sea for at least twenty-four hours. He must have been in a pretty big storm. He should recover soon enough, though.ö
ôHow soon are we talking about?ö She asked while she observed the face of the stranger. She raised an eyebrow as she took in his hair.
ôA couple days, maybe.ö She narrowed her eyes. They were supposed to depart the next morning, and they would be in the sea for at least two weeks.
ôThe ship will sail as scheduled. He will just have to pay for the trip to the next town by working.ö The doctor reigned in a sigh. There was no helping royalty, he guessed. He was about to respectfully make her notice that he may not be able to work so soon after recovering, when a gesture from the golden eyed princess made him pause. She had stretched her hand and grabbed a handful of the castaway's hair, rubbing them softly inbetween her fingers. ô... I've never seen anyone with this hair colour.ö
ô... Neither did I, princess.ö That had made him curious as well. He had an age, after all, and in all his years of being in the world he had never seen someone with hair of that colour. Golden, yellow like the rising sun.
ôHmph.ö The princess let go and walked out of the room without further words.
-Breakline-
This 'Naruto' had been just an headache for her ever since her soldiers had found him on that beach, ten days before. First, his very appearance. Second, when he woke up. He ate a person's two days worth of rations, then they realized that he couldn't speak their language. She had personally thrown him overboard only to find that he was a water-bender, if the fact that he could somehow walk on water was any indication.
He had then showed a high degree of fighting prowess, if the fact that she had taken care of two of her normal soldiers who had tried to throw him back overboard without even using water-bending was any indication. Though she had to wonder about the surprise showed on his face when he saw fire-bending.
Grudgingly, she allowed him to stay on board. At least they were able to explain to him that he would have to work to stay. Also, he was willing to learn their language and to fish his own dinner, since otherwise they would all go starving. And if he wasn't an headache because he was troublesome, he was an headache because he was an enigma.
Not speaking their language, having a never-before seen colour of hair and strange marks on his cheek, a water-bender... And extremely curious. He seemed to be fascinated by bending. Whenever he could, he sat somewhere at a safe distance (he had learned his lesson after she had 'accidentally' singed his shoulder with lightning) and watched her practice.
That didn't bother her as long as he didn't disturb her. She was used to people admiring her skills, after all. It was no novelty, it was only due. She went through the motions again before unleashing a chain of lightning in the direction of the ocean. She breathed in and out deeply. That would do for the day.
ôWonderful!ö She awoke to reality and the sound of clapping. She raised an eyebrow at the blonde clapping idiot. Of all the words of their language, that was one of the first ones he got down to memory? He jumped down from his perched position and landed near her. ôEhm... Me. See me!ö
She guessed he meant 'watch me' but the word eluded him or hadn't been taught to him yet. She stared at him neutrally. On one hand, she had never been interested in other people's displays of skills. On the other... The slightly older boy (he had learned first thing their numbers) was a mystery. He knew water-bending, but she had never heard of anyone walking on water. Also, he didn't go through the motions like she saw other benders do. She nodded. She would 'see' him.
He grinned and motioned to her to get back. She acquiesced and observed as he started doing something. He crossed his fingers in a strange position and suddenly, a small cloud of smoke appeared in the middle of the bridge. She showed surprise when it cleared. ô... What in Agni's name...ö
She had never, ever seen something like that. Maybe it was an illusion? She extended her hand and fingered 'it'. No, it was real. ôCopy!ö He exclaimed while she kept on touching the twin that had just appeared.
ôAn... Interesting ability.ö She commented, even if she knew he couldn't understand her. He just grinned, probably believing them to be words of praise.
ôNot over!ö He said, and motioned to her to stay back again. She took a couple steps back, now intrigued to just what else he was going to show her, as she observed him extend one arm over to his 'copy' and the creation do the same with both arms... The wind was rising.
-Breakline-
ôSo, she started screaming 'Avatar' this and 'Avatar' that, calling me a wind-bender and attacking me with lightning and blue fire. That was scary!ö The acrobat giggled as Naruto recounted his first encounter with the fire princess, a few weeks before. ôShe noticed that it wasn't real bending only after burning all my clothes. That's why I'm currently dressed like this.ö
ôUngrateful cur...ö She snarled, still not understanding how could anyone not like Fire Nation royalty clothes and also have the gall to comment on it to her face. Naruto was still a puzzle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in annoyance. Most of the time he acted scared of her, and that suited him just fine, the other he acted bold and defying of her will. Why the hell did she keep him around?
Because they had a deal. She had understood from that day on her ship that he was a powerful person. She had made him the offer of helping her in winning that war in exchange for a later help in returning home and most importantly finding out where that was, compared to the Fire Nation. She would have been a fool to not try and enlist such a powerful servant. ôYou didn't get burned yourself?ö
ôWell, a bit. But, I heal fast!ö
ôIf you keep this up there won't be anything left to heal when we arrive to Omashu!ö She menaced him, summoning flames in her hands for emphasis as she turned around to glare at the cheerful duo. She really hoped Mai hadn't changed much. She would need some quiet to counterbalance those two.
ô... So... You say you've fought Zuko and his uncle?ö Ty Lee asked in a whispered voice. Naruto nodded.
ôYes, but they got away. That old geezer was stronger than what he looked like. Caught me off guard. Threw both of us in the water. Zuko looked pretty strong too.ö He grinned. ôI can't wait for a rematch! Or to meet some more strong people. Always fighting fire-benders gets tiring, after a while...ö
ôWell, maybe when we get to Omashu...ö
I'd rather you finish your Pokemon story TBH... But I'm biased, in that I've yet to find a good Avatar crossover, and the trauma I've received has put me off them for life.
As for predictability... Maybe? Although, given how good Azula is a lying, I wouldn't put it past her to spin a believable story about about the evil of the Avatar.
As for predictability... Maybe? Although, given how good Azula is a lying, I wouldn't put it past her to spin a believable story about about the evil of the Avatar.
Actually, there is a crossover fic where Naruto kinda sees the avatar as a punk all on his own and sides with Azula. It's not bad, but Naruto seems kinda overpowered in it (rinnegan, six-paths, multiple summoning, etc.)
For your consideration...
<a href='http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6472870/1/DRC_Sennin_vs_The_Avatar_R1' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>Sennin vs The Avatar</a>
For your consideration...
<a href='http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6472870/1/DRC_Sennin_vs_The_Avatar_R1' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>Sennin vs The Avatar</a>
A little something that spawned from this picture.
Enjoy!
“... You’re actually serious.†The helmet muffled and distorted her voice, but she was pretty sure that her tone of disbelief was coming across as clear as day. “You actually want an ID.â€
“Either that or you take off the helmet, Samus.†Dominique reiterated, emptying a perfectly mixed margarita and sending the glass sliding on the counter without ever taking his eyes off of her. A green three fingered hand snaked out and caught it. “New regulations. The new administration is pretty strict about underage drinking.â€
“Dominique, I’ve been coming in here for years, now.†She reiterated, leaning her impressive suit-augmented frame in for added intimidation factor. The lanky barman stood unfettered.
“And I’ve never seen you in the face, Samus. Even your drinks, you pour in that slot just below the visor.†She mentally groaned. Couldn’t one girl just get a few drinks while hiding her identity in a bar generally populated by a almost completely male clientele? Oh, sure, she had been invited time and again by her female colleagues, but their choices of locales and drinks terribly clashed with her own ones. She went out with them a few times, sure, but she still shuddered at the memory of the night when it was Peach’s turn to choose the place.
So. Much. Pink.
“It’s a one-time deal. I keep a database. Just hand over an ID, if you’re that uncomfortable with showing your face.†The bespectacled barman held out a hand, palm upward. “It’s okay. You’re not the first horribly disfigured person that comes in here.â€
“I’m not...†She broke down into grumbling. It wasn’t fair on Dominique. He was a good guy, and a great listener. Too good of a listener, actually. She knew that if she handed over her ID, he’d understand both why she went out for drinks in armor and why she was in such a sour mood, but he couldn’t help but make questions. Dealing with her problems was the very last thing she wanted to do, right now.
But, she already had a devastating drinking binge programmed. So, it was just a bit more of a burn before blissful oblivion. Giving up, she sat in her stool and held out her right arm. A slot opened and her ID came out, which she handed to Dominique. “There. Now, pour me a pitcher of gin.â€
“Sure.†Again demonstrating his swiftness of hand, the barman started pouring gin in a pitcher while with the other hand he start punching in the data of the ID. “Oh. Now I get it.†He said while browsing the Gender detail of the ID. He handed the pitcher to Samus, who demonstrated her most recent accessory for drinking liquids without exposing her real face: a retractable straw. “... Samus, today is your birthday?â€
“What about it?†She shot back, without missing a beat and returning to making sure to end up plastered on the floor in less than thirty minutes. Sluuuuurp.
“Hmm...†Dominique peered around him. No trace of pink spherical cannibals, green mute swordsmen or plumbers in overalls. “... They forgot.â€
“Seems like it.†She interrupted, renewing her effort to kill her brain cells.
“... I’ll get you another pitcher.†Dominique knew that some didn’t start opening up until they were drunk enough, and Samus had one of the highest alcohol resistances of the bar.
“Much obliged.†The burning in her throat was getting intense, but not enough. She needed more. She needed-
“Okay, okay! I got it! OWOWOWOWOW! STOP MUNCHING ON MY HEAD!†She groaned. Someone had gone and made another zombie-themed game. She turned around and was surprised. There was no zombie, but a teen with blonde hair and exotic clothes holding a big package and with his head currently covered in Metroid who had just entered the bar, earning a few stares. They had seen weirder things at the Pixel Palace. Like that time Cloud Strife had gotten drunk. Real drunk.
That was weird. What was he doing in the bar? And why was the Metroid with him? Those in the boy’s line of work usually hung out in a bar on the other side of town. Why would the Metroid-And then they both turned in her direction, the boy pointing at her with one outstretched arm as he looked upward at his impromptu hat. “That the guy?†The Metroid wiggled on his hair. “Finally!â€
“Sorry, but, you look underage.†Dominique immediately said as he approached the bar. “I can’t serve you anything.â€
“You only have alcohol in here? Oh, fine. I’m not here to drink.†The teen turned to her with a big grin. “You Samus-san?â€
“... Who’s asking?†She asked, a bit on her guard. Metroids didn’t usually bring good news. “And... Hmm, doesn’t it hurt? It usually does.â€
“A bit. But we arrived here much faster this way. I’m Uzumaki Naruto! And this little guy has asked me to run an errand for him. Well, for you, actually.†The name rang familiar. He was a pretty popular guy, if she remembered correctly. He opened the box he had carried in and... If the straw had actually been in her mouth, she would have dropped it. “Happy birthday, Samus-san.â€
From the larger box, the boy had obtained a smaller one wrapped in a colored ribbon -bow and all- and a cake with pink and red frosting with twenty-five lit candles. “... You... What...â€
“The little guy up here asked me -a bit forcefully- if I could buy you a couple things. Said your whole family forgot about your birthday and wanted to cheer you up.†His face morphed into a frown, suddenly. “Man, what assholes.†He quickly brightened up again. “So, going to make a wish?â€
“... I...†She froze, staring at the cake. And the blonde. And the package. So, with a mind partially addicted by alcohol and her turmoil of emotions, she took the most logical decision.
The stool was still spinning when Naruto followed.
“HEY! WHAT THE HELL?!†The city had seen many weird things. It happened, considering its denizens. A ninja holding a cake and a present with a jellyfish with claws hanging on his head running after a person in power armor who was doing her damned best to avoid him was just another day. “WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA?! TAKE YOUR CAKE!â€
“NO!†She shouted back, jumping over a wooden fence, finding herself in a the backyard of a house. “WAH!†She jumped back and barely avoided a plant shooting a fist-sized pea at her head.
“Those damned zombies now have power armor! Onward, soldiers!†A twin of the first plant wearing a helmet started shooting at her too in group of fours. She shot at the projectiles just as more plants started appearing and Naruto jumped over the fence as well.
“Got you, n-WOAH!†And he promptly got caught into the crossfire. Peas, flames, poisonous secretions and more started flying at the two who dodged and parried till they found themselves back to back. “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!â€
“WHAT?! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO FOLLOWED ME!â€
“YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WOULDN’T TAKE THE DAMN CAKE!†Naruto weaved and dodged the best he could with his burdens still on his hands, while Samus wasn’t as nimble in her bulky suit.
“... Damn it!†She suddenly crouched down, and her body flashed with blue light, which caused Naruto to look at her.
“... Wow.†The voice distorter worked wonders. Naruto was 100% convinced he had been talking to a guy, but the blonde hair and the oh so evident curves underneath the blue suit clearly identified his quarry as a- “ACK!†His daydream was interrupted by butter to the face.
“ONE’S DOWN! FOCUS FIRE!†As Naruto started getting blasted by the whole courtyard, Samus took this as her chance to get out of the house. She ran to the other side of the wooden fence and vaulted over it.
“What the hell was that kid’s problem?†She thought, exasperated as the door of her apartment closed behind her. She got to her couch, ignoring the gorgeous sight of the city from her condo’s balcony as she passed by it. The only thing on her mind was that she had been denied alcoholic oblivion. ‘He said that the Metroid had forced him to do that errand. So, why the hell was he so adamant on it?’ Whatever. It didn’t matter. Her family had forgotten her birthday and she hadn’t even been allowed to forget it via inebriation. “... Happy birthday, Samus.â€
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you ALL EVENING!†She shrieked in a very uncharacteristic display of femininity for her and fell on her butt in the middle of the living room. “Do you have ANY IDEA how hard it is to climb, break and enter while holding a cake and a present?!â€
“W-W-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING-!†She was about to shoot him in the face. Really. But she was distracted. The boy was a mess. He was bruised, burned, battered, buttered, cut and frozen in some points and yet, the Metroid had not a scratch on it and the present and cake were still completely intact. “... How the hell... How did you...â€
“After going to all that trouble to find an open shop at this hour? The hell I was going to let them get damaged.†Naruto said with a frown as he presented the two objects to her again. Her attention was all on his face, though. “Happy. Birthday.â€
“... You actually care?†It seemed unreal to her, but that was exactly what she was reading in his gaze. Under the anger at having been mistaken as a zombie by a platoon of mutant zombie-killing plants.
“No one deserves to have its birthday forgotten.†He stated, his expression softening. She stared up at him before shaking her head in defeat, a small smile appearing on her lips as she stood and accepted the delivery. That earn a smile out of the blonde ninja, which increased two folds as the metroid detached itself from his head and start hovering around the room.
“Thank you... Naruto, was it?†He nodded and she smiled before taking a deep breath and blowing out all the candles.
“Alright!†Naruto started clapping hard, which in turn caused the lights in the apartment to go on and off continuously. “Your wish is surely going to come true! What did you wish for?â€
“... A friend.†She admitted honestly before raising her gaze to Naruto, who had stopped the lights in the on position. “To share this cake with.†They shared a brief laugh before Naruto saluted.
“Uzumaki Naruto reporting for friendship, Samus-nee-chan!â€
Enjoy!
Happy Birthday, Samus!
“... You’re actually serious.†The helmet muffled and distorted her voice, but she was pretty sure that her tone of disbelief was coming across as clear as day. “You actually want an ID.â€
“Either that or you take off the helmet, Samus.†Dominique reiterated, emptying a perfectly mixed margarita and sending the glass sliding on the counter without ever taking his eyes off of her. A green three fingered hand snaked out and caught it. “New regulations. The new administration is pretty strict about underage drinking.â€
“Dominique, I’ve been coming in here for years, now.†She reiterated, leaning her impressive suit-augmented frame in for added intimidation factor. The lanky barman stood unfettered.
“And I’ve never seen you in the face, Samus. Even your drinks, you pour in that slot just below the visor.†She mentally groaned. Couldn’t one girl just get a few drinks while hiding her identity in a bar generally populated by a almost completely male clientele? Oh, sure, she had been invited time and again by her female colleagues, but their choices of locales and drinks terribly clashed with her own ones. She went out with them a few times, sure, but she still shuddered at the memory of the night when it was Peach’s turn to choose the place.
So. Much. Pink.
“It’s a one-time deal. I keep a database. Just hand over an ID, if you’re that uncomfortable with showing your face.†The bespectacled barman held out a hand, palm upward. “It’s okay. You’re not the first horribly disfigured person that comes in here.â€
“I’m not...†She broke down into grumbling. It wasn’t fair on Dominique. He was a good guy, and a great listener. Too good of a listener, actually. She knew that if she handed over her ID, he’d understand both why she went out for drinks in armor and why she was in such a sour mood, but he couldn’t help but make questions. Dealing with her problems was the very last thing she wanted to do, right now.
But, she already had a devastating drinking binge programmed. So, it was just a bit more of a burn before blissful oblivion. Giving up, she sat in her stool and held out her right arm. A slot opened and her ID came out, which she handed to Dominique. “There. Now, pour me a pitcher of gin.â€
“Sure.†Again demonstrating his swiftness of hand, the barman started pouring gin in a pitcher while with the other hand he start punching in the data of the ID. “Oh. Now I get it.†He said while browsing the Gender detail of the ID. He handed the pitcher to Samus, who demonstrated her most recent accessory for drinking liquids without exposing her real face: a retractable straw. “... Samus, today is your birthday?â€
“What about it?†She shot back, without missing a beat and returning to making sure to end up plastered on the floor in less than thirty minutes. Sluuuuurp.
“Hmm...†Dominique peered around him. No trace of pink spherical cannibals, green mute swordsmen or plumbers in overalls. “... They forgot.â€
“Seems like it.†She interrupted, renewing her effort to kill her brain cells.
“... I’ll get you another pitcher.†Dominique knew that some didn’t start opening up until they were drunk enough, and Samus had one of the highest alcohol resistances of the bar.
“Much obliged.†The burning in her throat was getting intense, but not enough. She needed more. She needed-
“Okay, okay! I got it! OWOWOWOWOW! STOP MUNCHING ON MY HEAD!†She groaned. Someone had gone and made another zombie-themed game. She turned around and was surprised. There was no zombie, but a teen with blonde hair and exotic clothes holding a big package and with his head currently covered in Metroid who had just entered the bar, earning a few stares. They had seen weirder things at the Pixel Palace. Like that time Cloud Strife had gotten drunk. Real drunk.
That was weird. What was he doing in the bar? And why was the Metroid with him? Those in the boy’s line of work usually hung out in a bar on the other side of town. Why would the Metroid-And then they both turned in her direction, the boy pointing at her with one outstretched arm as he looked upward at his impromptu hat. “That the guy?†The Metroid wiggled on his hair. “Finally!â€
“Sorry, but, you look underage.†Dominique immediately said as he approached the bar. “I can’t serve you anything.â€
“You only have alcohol in here? Oh, fine. I’m not here to drink.†The teen turned to her with a big grin. “You Samus-san?â€
“... Who’s asking?†She asked, a bit on her guard. Metroids didn’t usually bring good news. “And... Hmm, doesn’t it hurt? It usually does.â€
“A bit. But we arrived here much faster this way. I’m Uzumaki Naruto! And this little guy has asked me to run an errand for him. Well, for you, actually.†The name rang familiar. He was a pretty popular guy, if she remembered correctly. He opened the box he had carried in and... If the straw had actually been in her mouth, she would have dropped it. “Happy birthday, Samus-san.â€
From the larger box, the boy had obtained a smaller one wrapped in a colored ribbon -bow and all- and a cake with pink and red frosting with twenty-five lit candles. “... You... What...â€
“The little guy up here asked me -a bit forcefully- if I could buy you a couple things. Said your whole family forgot about your birthday and wanted to cheer you up.†His face morphed into a frown, suddenly. “Man, what assholes.†He quickly brightened up again. “So, going to make a wish?â€
“... I...†She froze, staring at the cake. And the blonde. And the package. So, with a mind partially addicted by alcohol and her turmoil of emotions, she took the most logical decision.
The stool was still spinning when Naruto followed.
-I-
“HEY! WHAT THE HELL?!†The city had seen many weird things. It happened, considering its denizens. A ninja holding a cake and a present with a jellyfish with claws hanging on his head running after a person in power armor who was doing her damned best to avoid him was just another day. “WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA?! TAKE YOUR CAKE!â€
“NO!†She shouted back, jumping over a wooden fence, finding herself in a the backyard of a house. “WAH!†She jumped back and barely avoided a plant shooting a fist-sized pea at her head.
“Those damned zombies now have power armor! Onward, soldiers!†A twin of the first plant wearing a helmet started shooting at her too in group of fours. She shot at the projectiles just as more plants started appearing and Naruto jumped over the fence as well.
“Got you, n-WOAH!†And he promptly got caught into the crossfire. Peas, flames, poisonous secretions and more started flying at the two who dodged and parried till they found themselves back to back. “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!â€
“WHAT?! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO FOLLOWED ME!â€
“YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WOULDN’T TAKE THE DAMN CAKE!†Naruto weaved and dodged the best he could with his burdens still on his hands, while Samus wasn’t as nimble in her bulky suit.
“... Damn it!†She suddenly crouched down, and her body flashed with blue light, which caused Naruto to look at her.
“... Wow.†The voice distorter worked wonders. Naruto was 100% convinced he had been talking to a guy, but the blonde hair and the oh so evident curves underneath the blue suit clearly identified his quarry as a- “ACK!†His daydream was interrupted by butter to the face.
“ONE’S DOWN! FOCUS FIRE!†As Naruto started getting blasted by the whole courtyard, Samus took this as her chance to get out of the house. She ran to the other side of the wooden fence and vaulted over it.
-I-
“What the hell was that kid’s problem?†She thought, exasperated as the door of her apartment closed behind her. She got to her couch, ignoring the gorgeous sight of the city from her condo’s balcony as she passed by it. The only thing on her mind was that she had been denied alcoholic oblivion. ‘He said that the Metroid had forced him to do that errand. So, why the hell was he so adamant on it?’ Whatever. It didn’t matter. Her family had forgotten her birthday and she hadn’t even been allowed to forget it via inebriation. “... Happy birthday, Samus.â€
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you ALL EVENING!†She shrieked in a very uncharacteristic display of femininity for her and fell on her butt in the middle of the living room. “Do you have ANY IDEA how hard it is to climb, break and enter while holding a cake and a present?!â€
“W-W-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING-!†She was about to shoot him in the face. Really. But she was distracted. The boy was a mess. He was bruised, burned, battered, buttered, cut and frozen in some points and yet, the Metroid had not a scratch on it and the present and cake were still completely intact. “... How the hell... How did you...â€
“After going to all that trouble to find an open shop at this hour? The hell I was going to let them get damaged.†Naruto said with a frown as he presented the two objects to her again. Her attention was all on his face, though. “Happy. Birthday.â€
“... You actually care?†It seemed unreal to her, but that was exactly what she was reading in his gaze. Under the anger at having been mistaken as a zombie by a platoon of mutant zombie-killing plants.
“No one deserves to have its birthday forgotten.†He stated, his expression softening. She stared up at him before shaking her head in defeat, a small smile appearing on her lips as she stood and accepted the delivery. That earn a smile out of the blonde ninja, which increased two folds as the metroid detached itself from his head and start hovering around the room.
“Thank you... Naruto, was it?†He nodded and she smiled before taking a deep breath and blowing out all the candles.
“Alright!†Naruto started clapping hard, which in turn caused the lights in the apartment to go on and off continuously. “Your wish is surely going to come true! What did you wish for?â€
“... A friend.†She admitted honestly before raising her gaze to Naruto, who had stopped the lights in the on position. “To share this cake with.†They shared a brief laugh before Naruto saluted.
“Uzumaki Naruto reporting for friendship, Samus-nee-chan!â€
That was great! I'm loving the concept of a fiction-megaverse where all video game/anime/manga/cartoon characters exist together, especially with the super smash bros references. The plants vs. zombies scene really made it for me though, that was hilarious. Now I'm hoping there will be ninja zombies and power-armor wearing zombies in the the sequel.
Also I kind of want a prequal explaining how the Metroids met Naruto and cajoled him into running errands for them. That must have been an interesting encounter.
Also I kind of want a prequal explaining how the Metroids met Naruto and cajoled him into running errands for them. That must have been an interesting encounter.