This is another omake thing, although after starting it, I kind of think it could stand as a normal chapter. Although it would have to be a future chapter, after the training trip. Decisions, decisions...
"All right, the headmaster's rep is wrapping up, I think," mumbled Yukari, "there are some students with questions, but I fully expect him to blow them off. We're out of time."
Tsukune took several deep breaths as Kurumu dusted and picked at his uniform. He was pretty sure she was just using it as an excuse to rub herself all over him, but at present he found her fussing a helpful distraction.
He and a few of the higher-ranked members of the Protection Committee, including Ranma, Moka, Yukari, and Kurumu, were all standing behind a heavy curtain on the stage of Youkai Academy's main auditorium.
The occasion was a school rally being held by the student council to celebrate the least deadly month in Youkai Academy's history. Tsukune's second month on the job was apparently also the first month that there had been less than ten deaths or disappearances ever since the high school for monsters had first opened to the public (his first month might have managed the feat, had it not been for Saffron's rampage).
Tsukune tried hard not to think about the fact that less than ten fatalities in a single month within an educational establishment was considered a landmark achievement. He also didn't like to think about the fact that if Saffron's multiple deaths were taken into account, then the record would not have been broken. Tobaki had been quite insistent that he be counted at least once despite the fact that he reincarnated, and Tsukune was quite disturbed to learn that the full count of eight grisly murders would have doubled their standing total.
But the main thing that he was trying not to think about was standing in front of the entire school and reading his speech. He'd never known he had a fear of public speaking, because nobody had ever asked it of him before. He'd found a talent for self-righteous lecturing while overthrowing the Enforcers, and thought it totally reasonable that there was no difference between yelling at a stranger about right and wrong and talking to an entire crowd about it. But there was. It was TOTALLY different, and he could already feel the weight of hundreds of people's expectations on his shoulders as he heard the sparse clapping from out in the auditorium. To someone who had spent most of his life blending in and being totally ignored, the feeling was utterly oppressing and immobilizing, which was quite ironic considering how calmly he could now handle a direct and legitimate threat to his life by a bloodthirsty monster.
"All right, the rep is done," Yukari said, drawing back from the stage and turning toward the others, "okay, Hokuto's going to introduce you, and then you're on, Tsukune."
Moka looked grim as she looked at Tsukune's rattled expression. "Ranma, are you SURE Kana can't read the whole thing from backstage while Tsukune just lip-syncs?"
"I told you, it won't work. She's way more shy than he is. She won't be able to project even though nobody would be looking at her," Ranma protested.
Moka turned back to Tsukune, squeezing his shoulder. "Tsukune, relax! You can handle this! Speaking is your best skill!"
"It's your ONLY skill!" Yukari chimed in, technically supporting Moka's statement but doing nothing for Tsukune's self-esteem.
"Okay, I'm... I'm going out there!" Tsukune managed to spit out, holding a thin stack of papers between his hands and shaking like a leaf.
Ranma shook his head. "Yeah, looks like it's come down to this," he nodded at Kurumu, who suddenly looked quite pleased, "do it."
Tsukune blinked. "Do whammhf?" His question was silenced prematurely as Kurumu suddenly grabbed onto his tie and then practically smashed their lips together.
Moka's eyes bugged out as the succubus kissed Tsukune hungrily, grasping onto the hapless boy's head as she moaned seductively.
'Hey, you wanna say something, or are you just going to let them French right in front of you? Seriously, they're almost slobbering on you, here,' Evil Moka groused from within the Rosario.
"STOP THAT!" Moka finally shouted, her cheeks as pink as her hair.
To her surprise, Kurumu did as asked, promptly breaking the kiss and then quickly fixing Tsukune's tie while the boy looked completely stunned.
"That was for luck," the succubus chirped as she took out a handkerchief from her pocket and quickly wiped away the trickle of blood leaking from Tsukune's nose, "now out you go!"
With a rather smug look on her face, Kurumu turned Tsukune toward the open stage and gave him a light shove, forcing the semi-comatose boy out past the curtains.
"And to describe our new safety measures and policies in greater detail is the man who made it all possible," Hokuto said, his glasses gleaming as he gestured to a staggering Tsukune, "our new captain of the Protection Committee, Aono Tsukune!"
Tsukune immediately snapped out of his daze and lurched forward, stepping past a clapping Hokuto and up to the podium at the center of the stage.
"Ladies, gentlemen, and everything else, thank you for attending this rally! And thank you, Professor Richard, for not killing anyone on the way here just to make this celebration ironic!"
Over near the back of the crowd, Richard shrugged the leaking stumps that remained of his shoulders. "It wasn't for lack of trying." Behind him, Kouma and Chopper each held on to a severed arm, each of them looking somewhat worse for wear and extremely annoyed.
Tsukune continued speaking, his voice strong and clear. "Here at Youkai Academy we have a mission! In order to survive among humans we must become humans! But what does it mean to be human? Is it just a certain string of DNA? A lack of claws, wings, or perpetual fire?"
He shook his head, placing his now unnecessary notes face down on the podium. "No, of course not. Humans don't rule the outside world because they were born with the right tools. They're not in charge just because they have numbers. Humans are social creatures, who work together and cooperate for their supremacy! Through the establishment of laws to create order, and respect for their fellow man, humans have risen to dominance! And this wisdom I intend to bring to Youkai Academy!"
Hr
Ranma nodded happily as Tsukune started to describe rules of conduct to the students. "Nice work, Kurumu! Look at him go!"
As the succubus preened under the attention, Moka and Yukari watched in slack-jawed amazement.
"Wait, so he can overcome a paralyzing fear with just a kiss?" Moka asked, flushing slightly as she felt a deep sense of regret within her chest.
"So this is the power of a human male's sex drive!" Yukari said, her eyes gleaming.
Ranma nodded. "Yup. Plus, you know, the hypnosis doesn't hurt, either."
Moka and Yukari almost fell over as Kurumu giggled.
"What? What did you do to him?" Moka asked hotly.
"I just used my allure to make him feel completely confident about speaking in front of crowds," Kurumu said, giving Ranma a high-five, "of course, KISSING the target makes the effect more or less permanent. Which is sad, because that means I won't have an excuse to kiss him the next time, but oh well."
"You can't just mess with someone's mind! That's awful!" Moka protested.
"Well, it kinda depends on what you do with it," Ranma deadpanned, "making someone ditch their friend in a really petty revenge plot is a little different than curing someone's fear."
"Heh heh." Kurumu chuckled nervously as droplets of sweat gathered on her brow. "I was kind of hoping everyone forgot about that."
"That would be amazingly convenient, and kind of dumb, too," Ranma noted.
Moka pouted. "Still, you should have asked first! Maybe there was a way to do it without the allure!"
"Yeah, you're right!" Ranma said, snapping his fingers, "maybe we could have used one of your vampire powers to help him!"
Moka's face darkened as Kurumu started snickering.
"I mean, I heard that back in the day doctors used leeches to treat people, right? So I'm sure you're good for SOMETHING," Ranma said with an aggravating smile.
'I really don't understand how you don't want to rip his spine out and strangle him with it,' Evil Moka quipped.
"Looks like Tsukune's wrapping it up," Yukari said as he peeked out onto the stage.
Hr
"... Which is why we've placed 'No fire-breathing' signs around such areas, along with the long-established 'No smoking' and 'Beware Professor Richard' warnings next to areas where we store volatile or sensitive materials," Tsukune said, looking somewhat grim.
"It's like people don't appreciate my contribution to the academic process," Richard griped.
"With these few changes, I hope to make our campus a safer place for everyone, and finally realize our headmaster's dream of graduating a surviving majority of each year's student body!" Tsukune continued.
The headmaster's representative, one of the strange men in dark suits, frowned and stepped forward to whisper in Tsukune's ear. "It's my understanding that the headmaster doesn't care about that at all, sir."
Tsukune ignored him, although a vein popped up on his head as he suddenly pointed to the crowd of clapping students. "I will now take questions! Do try to keep them brief though, we don't have much time!"
Numerous hands went up.
"I would remind you that I cannot answer any question about my or Ranma's species, as that would violate school rules," Tsukune said blandly.
The vast majority of the hands dropped.
"Okay... How about you? In the front?" Tsukune said, pointing to a fellow with his arm raised whose other arm was wrapped around a girl's shouders.
"Morioka Ginnei, of the newspaper club," Gin said, letting his hand drop, "you said that under you, the Protection Committee is going to put a new focus on personal responsibility and NOT killing the students, yes?"
"That is my aim!" Tsukune said firmly. "My predecessor used his position to lord his power and privilege over the students, and I intend to turn that all around! Rules will be applied fairly and enforced consistently! Nobody will be punished for criticizing the Protection Committee, either! I hear the newspaper club had a particular problem with that!"
"Yeah, we did. Thanks," Gin said breezily, taking up a notepad in his hand that wasn't busy feeling up the girl next to him, "got a question, though: if that's your new policy, how do you explain Jikan's death?"
Tsukune blinked. "Jikan? Is that a surname, or-"
"Just Jikan. He was part of the student council until he was assigned to deliver dismissal notices to the Protection Committee," Gin explained as Tsukune's face started going pale, "and then he was torn apart, and his remains burned."
Tsukune swallowed nervously as he felt the gazes of the entire student body waiting for an explanation. "That... That was an unfortunate incident, yes... You see, our treasurer refused dismissal, and took the order... very poorly. This was before I had started instructing the Committee, mind you."
"Fair enough," said Gin, prompting the young human to sigh in relief, "but why is she still on the Committee? Has she even been punished in accordance with your new rules?"
Near the back of the auditorium, standing behind Chopper and Kouma, Tobaki frowned as she planted her hands on her hips.
"Just what is his problem? That happened almost two MONTHS ago! Get over it!" Tobaki complained, though she wasn't loud enough for most of the audience to hear.
"He's with the newspaper club. Part of the liberal media. Go figure," Kouma mumbled, rolling his eyes, "those guys will whine over the dumbest things."
"You could always try killing everyone in his club and then using their blood to print your own paper consisting entirely of threats against his life," Richard suggested, still waiting near the boys that had confiscated his arms.
Tobaki shook her head. "No, they tried that last year, so it looks like it didn't work. Besides, I'm not sure the club currently even HAS other members to supply the necessary materials."
"Also, you know, Aono said not to murder people," Chopper reminded her.
"Right, yes, there's that too," the demon agreed as Richard rolled his eyes.
Tsukune tugged on his shirt collar, finding that it somehow felt unusually warm on the stage. "Punishing our treasurer is... well, I would, but at the time of the killing it was completely within school rules. She filled out the form and everything!" he said desperately, well aware of how stupid his protest sounded.
"Okay, so she got off on a technicality," Gin said as the girl next to him took down a few notes for him, "fine. But why is she still in the Committee? Even if you weren't going to punish her for the unprovoked murder of a council member, isn't this kind of like rewarding her violent behavior?"
Tsukune floundered badly for a response, coming up with nothing. His fear of public speaking had been cured, but he still had no particular skill in making excuses.
Luckily, the person questioning him was Gin Morioka. After watching Tsukune stammer for a moment, the werewolf grew bored and spoke again. "Okay, different question: is the treasurer cute?"
Tsukune gaped slightly, but still took the stupidly convenient out. "Yes, she is, I suppose."
"On a scale of one to ten, with ten being the best, how-"
Tsukune suddenly cut Gin off, looking annoyed. "I don't really think this is at all relevant to the state of security on campus."
"Yeah, I guess not," Gin said regretfully, "you know what is relevant? Murdering the student council."
"She's a six," Tsukune said bleakly, before spying the girl in question near the back exit, "I mean, eight! Definitely an eight!"
Hr
"That was stupid," Tsukune complained as he stepped backstage.
Moka promptly came up to him with a towel, which he gratefully accepted to scrub his face and hair, which had been dirtied by sweat.
"I thought it went really well," Yukari said, looking perplexed.
"Yeah, until the whole thing turned into a gossip forum," Tsukune grumbled. Even after Gin had finished grilling him about Tobaki, other students had apparently taken that as an invitation to ask about the other girls of the Protection Committee.
Which, ultimately, was nice for Moka, who was flushed red and smiling broadly, but less nice for Kurumu, who was hugging her knees to her chest as she sat in the corner.
"I don't know what you're so bummed about," Ranma insisted, trying to cheer up the succubus, "a nine is really good, right?"
"It was lower than Moka's," Kurumu mumbled morosely.
"So he has some weird taste," Ranma said with a shrug, "that doesn't mean she's better than you or anything. She's a parasite!"
"YOU also rated higher," Kurumu said darkly.
"Well, yeah, but in my case I deserve it," Ranma said with a helpless shrug, "what am I gonna do, STOP being awesome and sexy? No way."
"I think it's best if we all just forget the last forty minutes ever happened," Tsukune said wearily.
"BWAH HA HA HA HAAA!!" That prospect seemed increasingly unlikely as Kouma staggered backstage from the side entrance, trying and failing miserably to contain laughter. "I can't believe that actually happened! Ha ha ha ha!"
Chopper and Tobaki followed, the latter looking annoyed.
"I really don't see how my credentials in the Protection Committee lead to a ranking of the other female members in terms of attractiveness," the yochlol complained, "or why people kept bringing up killing Shikon every time Captain Aono wanted to end the Q and A session."
"Jikan," Chopper corrected, "they said his name was Jikan."
"Whatever," Tobaki said, rolling her eyes, "my point is that killing one person a long time ago shouldn't be such a big deal."
"Less than two months wasn't that long ago, and we really doubt you've only killed one," Moka deadpanned.
"It still isn't that big a deal," Chopper scoffed.
"Yes, it IS a big deal," Tsukune retorted, "it undermines everything we've accomplished since then that one of my very first actions was to take in Tobaki after she murdered an innocent person."
Ranma shrugged. "Hey, nobody's perfect."
"That's just not imperfect, it's totally wrong!" Tsukune protested.
"Well, I for one am glad you did it anyway, because it would be really annoying to keep track of all the accounts myself," Yukari said with a shrug, "Tobaki pulls her weight, whether or not she made a mistake."
"Failing a test is making a mistake," Moka said humorlessly, "killing someone for delivering a memo is an atrocity."
Tobaki snorted. "So someone who doesn't make mistakes but contributes nothing is better?"
Kouma's chuckling finally petered out as the others argued, his amusement vanishing as the bickering slowly heated up.
"You know, if it's really such a problem for you, we can always go get this guy."
Everyone stopped dead, most of them understandably perplexed.
"No, I didn't know that," Tsukune said, "what are you talking about?"
Moka raised an eyebrow. "Maybe Miss Madaraki could do it? I hear she's really good with this sort of thing."
Ranma shook his head. "There was barely enough of that guy left to put together even BEFORE Kouma burnt his remains."
Yukari snapped her fingers. "The holy dragon came back from death, right? So maybe-"
"That method only works on Netherworld monsters," Tobaki explained, "and even then, it's possible to ruin one so badly that it can't be brought back. I've done it before. You just have to-"
"Not helping," Tsukune interrupted sharply, "anyway, what did you have in mind, Kouma?"
Kouma shrugged. "Let's go to Hell."
Hr
Barely an hour later, all the Protection Committee was gathered in their office lobby, most of them seated as Tsukune questioned Kouma about his plan.
"You're being serious? We can actually go into the afterlife, pick him up, and bring him back to the real world?" the young human asked, his voice bordering on incredulous.
Tsukune didn't want to believe something so ridiculous, yet it was hard to form a logical argument against it. Kouma was, after all, a hellhound. Tsukune had seen people killed right in front of him only to meet them later as if nothing had happened. There was nothing about stealing souls from the afterlife that was really any less plausible.
"Well, it's more complicated than that, but yeah, that's the concept," Kouma confirmed.
"How are we going to get into Hell?" Kurumu asked, intrigued.
"I'll use my old employee I.D." the hellhound said, taking out his wallet and sliding out a rather weathered plastic card.
Ranma leaned in to read the card. "Kouma F. Gamaroshi, Security Section C, Gate Division. 'Sin with security!'"
"That was our old division motto," Kouma said, sounding fairly proud.
"Don't you think your card might be deactivated by now?" Yukari asked skeptically.
Kouma snorted. "Hell is staffed by only the laziest, most obstructive bureaurocrats in existence. I'd be surprised if they even HAVE a procedure for that."
So how do we find this Jikan guy?" Ranma asked, scratching his head, "there's gotta be a lot of people in Hell... or former people, anyway."
"We have an induction office that handles torment assignment. Assuming they haven't lost it, I just have to root through their records, and then we pick him up and bail."
"Is it going to be that easy to abscond with someone imprisoned in eternal torment?" Keito asked skeptically.
"Well, if they had a real guardian working at the gates, no, it'd be completely impossible to get out with a damned soul," Kouma explained with a bitter smile and a vein pulsing on the side of his head, "but without any REAL security it'll be easy."
"Well, what're we waiting for, then?" Chopper asked.
"Wait, hold on, please," Tsukune asked, "Kouma, this IS Hell we're talking about. Just how safe is it to travel through?"
"Not very," Kouma admitted, "with me around, we probably won't be attacked by the devils running the place, but there are plenty of less reasonable nasties, and the terrain is as unforgiving as your so-called kind and loving God."
"Exactly how much sacrilege can we expect on this mission?" Keito asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
"A LOT. This is a specifically Christian afterlife we're talking about," said the hellhound.
"Then I'd like to withdraw from this operation on religious grounds," Keito said, uncrossing her arms and planting them on her hips, "my religion describes a very specific afterlife for me, and I will not accept seeing a guided tour of a different one."
"You're refusing to go on the grounds that your religion will be proven wrong?" Yukari deadpanned.
Keito said nothing, staring hard at Tsukune.
The Committee captain rolled his eyes. "Fine, you can stay behind. Whatever. Anyone else?"
Kana stepped closer to Ranma. "......"
"Kana says that she wants to stay behind too. All the dust and ash might really damage her throat, and she's not that robust," Ranma said, patting the siren on the head and eliciting a contented sigh from the girl.
"We're looking at a lot of fire, right? Not my thing. I'll stay here," Chopper said, falling backward into a chair and causing it to creak loudly in its effort to contain his mass.
"And Shirayuki shouldn't go either," Kouma said, jabbing a thumb at the shock of mussy purple hair barely visible from behind Chopper's chair, "she'd have a snowball's chance in Hell of making it through. Which actually isn't even a metaphor, now that I think about it."
"Anyone else?" Tsukune asked, looking around at his subordinates.
"How do they feel about demons in Hell?" Tobaki asked, raising her hand.
"It depends on which edition you follow," Kouma admitted, "but for the sake of staying as far away from you as possible I have to assume they'll attack you on sight."
Tobaki nodded. "Very well. That Jokon fellow probably wouldn't react very well to seeing me again anyway."
"Jikan. His name was Jikan," Yukari corrected the demon.
"Okay, so the team staying behind will be Chopper, Mizore, Kana, Tobaki, and Keito," Tsukune said, "and me, Ranma, Moka, Kurumu, Yukari, and Kouma will go get Jikan from the afterlife." The young human nodded, smiling brightly. If this mission worked out, he will have redeemed the most serious error in his young career!
"So who's in charge while you're gone?" Keito asked, quirking an eyebrow.
In one sentence, Keito had turned Tsukune's sanguine mood sour. He had no idea how long this trip to Hell was supposed to take. Who of the remaining group could he trust not to cause some calamity while he was away?
Keito was right out; if she didn't usurp him directly, she'd probably lay some kind of trap or do something to turn the student body against him. Leaving things to Tobaki was basically the same as putting Keito in charge, as she would do anything the spider woman said if he wasn't around to condradict Keito. Chopper wasn't much better, as he was dull enough to be manipulated with minimal effort.
Maybe Mizore or Kana? Glancing over at Chopper's chair, he saw Mizore giving Kana the most ambivalent glare Tsukune had ever seen as the siren continued to cling to Ranma, giving the ice woman a smug smile.
'That's not going to work out. If I left either of them in charge of Chopper, the other one would probably be dead when we got back. Which would mean ANOTHER trip to hell.'
"Kurumu?" Tsukune asked, forcing an affectionate grin, "do you think you could stay here to keep things in order while se're gone?"
Kurumu looked surprised at the request. "But I want to go with you!"
"I know that, and I'm thankful, but..." Tsukune chewed his lip as he trailed off, thinking of how to proceed.
"Why doesn't Moka stay behind? Or Yukari?" Kurumu asked.
"But I wanna see Hell!" Yukari complained. "For academic reasons, though. Without the eternal torment."
"I wouldn't mind staying," Moka offered, being quite willing to give up an afternoon by Tsukune's side to avoid going to the worst place in the multiverse.
Tsukune grimaced as he placed his hands on Kurumu's shoulders, gaining her undivided attention immediately. "Listen, Kurumu, there's a reason I'm giving this task to you: you're the only one that has both the sense and the strength to keep Keito in line and prevent the others from committing some horrible or stupid catastrophe."
"I'm RIGHT HERE, you know," Keito groused, eliciting no sympathy at all.
"The only other one who could do it is Ranma, and we're probably going to need him down there. So you're the only one I can trust with this," Tsukune said seriously.
Kurumu almost glowed as she clasped one of Tsukune's hands, her eyes sparkling. "Leave it to me! I'll keep everything in order! The school won't even realize you're gone!"
"Right! Thanks, Kurumu!" Tsukune said, extracting his hands, "we'll leave immediately, so I'm counting on you not to let Keito ruin all we've accomplished so far!"
"I'd really consider it a basic courtesy if you all speculated about my loyalty behind my back rather than right in front of me," Keito fumed.
Once again she didn't get a response, and Kouma beckoned the "rescue team" to follow him. "Come on, we'll take care of this outside."
Tsukune, Ranma, Moka, and Yukari allow followed as instructed while Kurumu waved goodbye to them cheerfully.
Then, as soon as they were out of earshot of the classroom, Moka asked, "So Kurumu is the only one you could trust to be in charge while you're gone, huh?" the vampiress asked, her face darkening.
As Tsukune started to panic, Ranma scoffed. "No, she's not the only one. I could've done it, and probably Kouma too, if he weren't guiding us. Maybe Yukari too, in a pinch. I'd just be worried about Keito overpowering her."
Moka's mood seemed to dip further, and Tsukune quickly tried to reassure her. "No, Moka, I just wanted you to stay with us! You can do more to help while we're trying to navigate through the afterlife!"
Moka glanced at Tsukune hesitantly, looking slightly hopeful. "Really?"
Tsukune suddenly turned toward Kouma, "Wait a minute, why are we going outside? How do we even get to Hell, anyway?"
"Huh. He must've been saving that," Ranma murmured to Yukari.
"Smart man," the young witch murmured back.
Kouma wagged a finger in the air as he pushed open the door and stepped outside. "Who do you think you're talking to? Matters of the underworld are my specialty, after all. I can get us there."
As the others gathered near the building entrance to watch, Kouma stepped out into the middle of a field, glancing around at the dry, wasted terrain.
"Yeah, this'll do fine," the hellhound said as he withdrew a small cylinder from his jacket pocket and unfolded it.
"All right, we're heading home!" Kouma said happily as he unrolled a scroll from within the cylinder, which promptly started disintegrating into motes of bright light.
Moments later, a blue beam of light maybe ten feet high appeared in the air before him, and the the center of the line seemed to expand, swelling into a shimmering blue oval that sat on the ground, wreathed in white, glimmering energy.
"Everyone aboard!" Kouma said as he stepped into the oval, disappearing from veiw as he crossed over entirely into the azure window.
Everyone else looked slightly surprised at the occurence, though each of them had witnessed far more bizarre things. Ranma was naturally the first to follow Kouma, heedless of any possible danger on the other side.
Moka took hold of Tsukune's hand nervously, causing the young human to get nervous himself, though for a very different reason.
"Well, I was hoping I'd never have to see the land of eternal damnation, but I guess this is it," Tsukune said, his face flushed as Moka's grip tightened slightly.
"I'm scared, but... If we're together, then I'm sure we can manage," Moka said, smiling awkwardly.
"Well, we'd better get a move on before Senpai gets bored of waiting and starts cruising through Hell on his own," Yukari said as she grabbed onto Moka's other hand, instantly shattering the mood.
"Y-Yeah. That would be... awful," Moka said unconvincingly before she stepped forward into the portal with Yukari and a very disappointed Tsukune.
Hr
Emerging in Hell was, honestly, exactly as Tsukune had imagined, save for the lack of horrified screaming and agonizing death. A blast of hot air struck him in the face, and he was forced to shut his eyes to protect them from the burning ashes being carried by the gust.
After the hot breeze had passed, he cracked open his eyes.
He was in a cavern about the size of a large room, with the "walls" being massive, jagged stalagmites jutting up in great clusters. These rocks were a patchwork of dull reds and ashen gray, and covered in webs of bright red seams that glowed brightly in the gloom.
On that note, there was apparently no sunlight in Hell; all the local light came from the glowing rocks and several small, scattered pits of magma that bubbled and churned across the ground. The sky was an oppressive, smoke-filled sheet that seemed to perpetually rain flecks of ash and twinkling sparks, and the charcoal clouds hung low enough for some of the taller stalagmites to reach up into the ashen miasma, their peaks obscured by the massive, shadowy cloud.
"Not as bad as I thought," said Ranma's voice, and Tsukune turned in place as he squinted against the dusty air, "I was expecting a lot more screaming."
Ranma had wrapped a handkerchief around his mouth, but otherwise seemed unbothered by the environment.
Kouma stood next to the martial artist, his arms crossed over his chest. "Well, keep in mind that we're just at the entrance to Hell. The real thing is still ahead." Although he sounded rather grim, his tail had appeared and was wagging steadily, betraying his excitement.
"Ugh! It smells terrible!" Moka complained as she walked up next Tsukune.
"Eh, it's still better than most locker rooms," Yukari mumbled as she flipped through a small spell book. "Here we go. Wind shield!"
Tsukune couldn't help but be envious as the dust and ash around Yukari suddenly exploded off of her, leaving the young witch in a bubble of clean air while the dusty air currents parted before her.
Ultimately though, all he could do was mimic Ranma by tying his own handkerchief over his mouth.
"So was that a town portal scroll?" Yukari asked as she joined Ranma and Kouma.
"Yup. It'll stay there until I step through it again," Kouma explained as he pointed to the large blue oval floating over the cracked ground behind them.
"But if you used it that way, then that would make Hell-"
"My home, yeah," Kouma finished.
"And so Youkai Academy would be-"
"The ugly pit of murderous freaks that I beat up for cash and loot," Kouma finished again.
"You're not supposed to be doing that!" Tsukune protested, having secured his handkerchief around his mouth and nose. The air was still painfully hot and dry for his lungs, but at least it kept him from coughing from inhaling the ash.
"Relax, it's not like they didn't have it coming," Kouma assured him, "now if everyone's ready, we should get going. I have no idea how long any of you can really survive breathing this air without choking to death."
The rest of the group wordlessly followed Kouma, each curious (despite themselves, in Tsukune and Moka's case) as to just what kind of horrors awaited them in this blasted, wretched wasteland.
They all had to admit that their first taste was a profound disappointment.
"Man, I know you told me what they did with this place, but still," Ranma said, shaking his head, "this is just sad."
The party was standing in front of a large, high wall, apparently made out of the same substance as the rocks, with a gap in it that constituted the gates.
The gates consisted of walkway through a metal detector, with a security camera watching the walkway. Standing in front of it was a single portly caucasian man in a security guard's uniform looking quite surprised, though singularly unhappy, to see people approaching him.
"See what I mean? This place used to MEAN something," the hellhound murmured under his breath. "Anyway, let me handle this."
Kouma stepped up ahead of the others, drawing his ID card out of his pocket. "Checking in. They're all with me."
The guard worlessly took the card, and held it up as he meticulously looked it over. "And what brings you to the realm of damnation today, Mister Gamaroshi?"
"That would be... Black Citadel repair. They're my engineering crew," Kouma said, snapping up the first excuse he could think of.
The guard frowned as he glanced at the group. "You look like a bunch of kids."
"It's an apprenticeship," Yukari lied before Tsukune had a chance to panic or Ranma had a chance to say something stupid, "with the economy the way it is nowadays, you have to start early."
"Right," the man mumbled as he went back to scrutinizing the card.
"So... What're you in for?" Ranma asked.
"I used to work as a ticketing agent at an airline in the States," the guard said in a dull monotone, "sometimes I would deliberately send a passenger's luggage on the wrong flight, sending it to some other state or even country."
"That's it? That seems kind of tame to earn eternal hellfire," Ranma pointed out, feeling somewhat worried about the strict standards.
The man sighed as he flipped the card around. "I only did it to black people."
As Ranma and Tsukune winced, Yukari scratched her head.
"Wait, racism is a damnable offense now?"
"It would seem so. So you can either be nicer to monstrels or suffer for all time," Tsukune warned the young witch.
Yukari clicked her tongue. "Tough choice."
"Okay, this looks fine to me," the guard finally said, handing the card back to Kouma grudgingly.
"After only inspecting the whole thing three times over? Are you sure? We wouldn't want you to be accused of being sloppy," Kouma mocked, which Tsukune certainly could have appreciated more if they weren't, in fact, using an invalid means of infiltrating Hell under the noses of its rulers.
The guard snorted. "You're good. Your friends are all going to have to fill out guest entry forms, though."
As Kouma and Yukari groaned, Tsukune nodded, finding the requirement entirely reasonable. 'Maybe we should use false names,' he thought to himself, 'I have no idea how seriously Hell takes security breaches and absconding with the dead, but to be safe-'
Tsukune's thoughts on safety and discretion were suddenly interrupted by high-velocity irony, presently taking the form of a chunk of brimstone Ranma suddenly kicked into the camera, ripping it off its mount and sending it bouncing away.
"Hey, what are-" the guard started to stutter in surprise before Ranma suddenly tackled him, wrestling the man to the ground.
"Hey, Eyebrows! Finish this guy off!" Ranma shouted as he pounded the extremely confused sentry in the jaw before rolling off.
Kouma was just as surprised as anyone by the sudden outbreak of violence, but at least it was the sort of surprise he could easily adapt to. Without questioning why this was happening or why Tsukune was stuttering in a panic, Kouma's fist bloomed into a quivering fireball before he leapt at the hapless spirit.
BWOOM! Tsukune gaped as the guard was swallowed by flames and glowing red shrapnel, which didn't actually look much different from the rest of the infernal landscape.
It seemed to be effective thought, since when the smoke cleared there was nothing left of the man save a melting police baton slowly rolling under Ranma and Kouma, who were high-fiving each other.
"All right! We're in!" Ranma cheered.
"Ha! No sweat!" Kouma said with a rather uncommon grin. "By the way, why did we just do that?"
"That's what I want to know!" Tsukune shouted, throwing his arms up in the air. "Why did you attack?"
"That guy was going to make us fill out forms," Ranma said irritably as he crossed his arms over his chest, "probably in triplicate."
"Quadruplicate," Kouma corrected.
"What? Why would they even need that many?"
"We're in HELL. Get used to it."
"Wait, no. Don't get sidetracked," Tsukune demanded sternly, pushing aside his initial shock to try and take control of the situation, "why did you think that killing that man was okay just to avoid filling out paperwork? I'd expect this from Chopper or Keito, but not from you, Ranma!"
Ranma stepped back in surprise, clearly not expecting to be reprimanded. "But he was already dead!"
"That doesn't mat-" Tsukune suddenly stopped. "Wait... Actually, I guess that does matter."
"Besides, the guy already ended up in Hell. The forces of the universe decided he was enough of a jerk to suffer for the rest of existence, so it's not like he was innocent," Yukari pointed out. "Unless, of course, you doubt the objective good will of a universe that punishes us forever based on breaking the arbitrary rules apparently established by a creator capable of forcing us to follow such rules from the start. But that would be silly."
After several seconds of awkward and uncomfortable contemplation, Moka finally thought of something to ask Kouma.
"Kouma, what happens to people who die when they're already in Hell?"
As everyone showed considerable interest in this question, the hellhound was quite embarassed to shrug helplessly.
"I have no idea. There are theories, but they're kind of all over the place. It just depends on what you believe."
"You... have religions in Hell?" Tsukune asked, coming to the logical conclusion of Kouma's last statement.
"Yeah, and they're all the touchy, super sensitive religions always getting up in arms about stupid stuff and splitting into different sects over the smallest little detail. Naturally," he grumbled, "but basically, nobody has any real idea what happens when someone in Hell dies."
Hr
"Hurgh!" Donald Jackson, damned spirit and former airline employee, suddenly felt a lurching sensation as his spiritual projection was sent hurtling out of a swirling red portal, finding himself skidding to a stop on what appeared to be an inch-thick layer of ash.
Raising his head in alarm, he started glancing from side to side frantically, completely confused as to what was going on.
The surroundings were, in fact, hardly much different from those he had just left; ash floated through the air, though there seemed to be more of it. Jagged stalagmites running with more red, volcanic veins than back in Hell were scattered about just as before, but in more places. The ground, in the few places it hadn't been completely covered by choking ash, bubbled with lava pits roughly twice as large as Donald was used to.
"Where am I? What is this?" he asked, not really expecting a response.
"You're in Double Hell," answered a deep voice behind him.
Whirling around, Donald found the not unfamiliar sight of a large, red humanoid with massive, curved horns, with its lower body resembling that of a goat.
He was also treated to the somewhat more unfamiliar sight of an identical monster standing behind the first one, stroking its pointed black beard.
"You're not serious," Donald grumbled, less horrified than annoyed.
"We get that a lot," said the second devil, shrugging, "but we are."
"Get up and follow me," commanded the first devil as he turned and beckoned over his shoulder, "you have twice the penance to get through now."
"Will I have to guard an easily breachable gateway by myself?" the resigned spirit asked.
"Nope. Now you have to guard TWO."
"Son of a bitch!"
Hr
"Actually, now that I think about it, what happens if WE die?" Yukari asked as she trudged along the jagged terrain next to Moka.
The five high schoolers were now trekking through what Kouma insisted was the main road through Hell to reac the primary facilities. The path was only notable for having slightly smaller stalagmites and lava pits in the way, although Ranma guessed that was mostly because the outer gateway wasn't used very often.
Kouma glanced over his shoulder to answer Yukari. "No biggie. We'll just pick you up along with this Jikan guy. It usually takes some time to get assigned to your torment after arriving, so we'll probably catch you at the induction office that we're headed toward anyway."
"So we can die with pretty much zero consequnces?" Ranma asked, sounding way too intrigued for Tsukune's comfort.
Moka frowned. "What if we're not sent to Hell, though?"
Kouma suddenly stopped, nearly stumbling over a patch of thorn-like rocks. "If you... oh. OH. You mean, like, if you were good and would go to Heaven?" It was obvious by the way he asked that the elemental canine hadn't even considered the possibility. "Okay, yeah, then you're screwed. So Tsukune is gonna need to watch out."
Tsukune blanched. "Just me? What about Moka?" he demanded as the vampiress nodded nervously.
"Vampires are automatic," Kouma said. When Moka started glowering him, he threw his arms up in the air. "What do you want from me? You're damned from the get-go! I don't make the rules!"
"What about Ranma," Tsukune demanded next.
"Don't make me answer that," Kouma deadpanned.
"Hey!" shouted Ranma to little effect.
"Well, what about Yu..." Tsukune trailed off, "all right, fine. So everyone else is safe," the young human grumbled.
"These standards are too high! This is discrimination of people who happen to like discrimination!" Yukari complained, flailing her arms about. "Our spiritual karma should have a freedom of expression clause! They're condemning an idea!"
Kouma finally started moving again, moving up a steep incline marked by small streams of lava oozing out of glowing holes in the ground.
"All right, now watch out for steam vents and hellworms," the canine warned.
"'Hellworms'? That sounds like some kind of arterial parasite," Yukari mumbled.
"They are, in the sense that they try to get in your bloodstream when they attack," Kouma explained, "of course, most of them are thicker than you arm, Sendo, so they don't really measure up to the 'parasite' thing."
"Where do they live?" Ranma asked, glancing around at the small crevices and numerous smoldering holes that were located on the larger stalagmites. As he searched, he noticed a small, red, winged humanoid about the size of his head zipping about nearby, apparently checking the travelers from well out of arms' reach.
Kouma crested the incline and stepped up onto a cliff, looking out over a vast, blasted wasteland that spat flames into the air periodically. "They live in those little lava streams, just inside the pocket where the lava spills out. It should be fine as long as you don't disturb them somehow."
Ranma climbed up behind the others, but his eyes were locked on the small red creature. It had landed near a pile of smoldering rocks, and started digging through it before picking one up and leaping back into the air.
Then it flew up to a good height and hurled the rock at the incline.
"Whoa!" Yukari flinched back as the stone struck directly into the mouth of one of the lava spigots, almost splashing her with droplets of molten rock.
Ranma stepped up immediately behind her, just in case the witch started to fall or got burned. "Are you okay? That little punk almost got you!"
"Yeah, I'm fine, it didn't-" Yukari's annoyed reassurance was cut short as something suddenly burst from the lava spigot, causing her breath to catch in her throat.
It was a solid, dark red, with a long, rubbery body, just like a worm. Its head was decidedly unlike a worm though, sporting a gaping maw similar to a shark's, full of jagged teeth.
"Watch it!" Ranma shouted, immediately springing forward and grabbing onto the beast's body as it tried to curl around and bite Yukari.
"See? Hellworm," Kouma said, gesturing to the horrid creature as it snapped ferociously at Yukari, who was staggering backwards in her haste to get away from it.
"That is MUCH thicker than Yukari's arm!" Moka complained as she and Tsukune watched the scene in horror.
"Yeah, okay, maybe it's closer to my arm. It's been a while since I was last here," the hellhound admitted with a shrug.
"Stop thrashing around!" Ranma growled as he pulled the hellworm away from Yukari, trying to grab the beast near its head. It was difficult enough just because of the creature's impressive strength, but its skin was also searing hot, probably as a result of coming out of a lava pit.
Yanking it back with one hand, Ranma used the other to seize the hellworm right behind its jaws, finally taking the hateful beast completely out of lunging range of Yukari.
"Are you all right?" Tsukune asked, descending enough to help Yukari up atop the cliff.
"Y-Yeah. Just a little sh-shaken," the young witch said, letting Tsukune help her up onto flat ground, "why is it only going after me? Senpai's the one holding it!"
"Hellworms, like most hell-fauna, instinctively attack the weakest, youngest, and most sinful target," Kouma explained like he was playing the part of a tour guide.
Yukari grimaced as she stared at the hellworm Ranma was still holding firmly at it leered at her, its long, serpentine body lazily swinging back and forth as it curled and coiled in the air. "That's not fair! I only dabble in two, MAYBE three of the seven deadly sins!"
"Yeah, well, you kind of overdo 'lust' for someone who hasn't hit puberty yet," Ranma quipped as the hellworm suddenly swung its body hard to one side, its tail curling up into the air, "hm? Hey, what is it-"
Shwack! Everyone was fairly shocked when the hellworm suddenly whipped its long, powerful body across the fifteen-foot, uphill gap between Ranma and Yukari, striking the witch with enough force to knock her clean off her feet and off of the edge of the cliff.
"Why didn't I prepare FEATHER FAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL?" Yukari screamed as she started plummeting toward the ground, holding her hat to her head largely out of reflex.
"Well... she's dead," Kouma mumbled as Tsukune and Moka cried out in shock. He was reasonably surprised, however, that Ranma had other ideas.
The pigtailed boy blasted past the others in a red blur and then dove straight off the edge of the cliff, bringing his hands together in a flawless dive that would have been quite praiseworthy if he was dropping into water rather than jagged stone laced with lava veins.
"Wait! Ranma! There's no point! We'll just get her later!" Kouma called down, though it was quite obvious by now that Ranma couldn't exactly reverse course.
Tsukune crouched down next to the edge of the cliff. "Ranma! If you can throw her back up, I'll catch her!" he shouted, ever confident in his roommate's superhuman abilities.
True to form, Ranma soon reached the flailing Yukari, who was falling slightly slower thanks to the drag on her cape.
"Gotcha!" Ranma shouted as he latched onto Yukari's arm.
Then he started to spin in the air, swinging her around him in a wide circle.
"CATCH!" Ranma called as he let go of the witch, sending her flying upward with only slightly less screaming than she emitted on the way down.
"Almost..." Tsukune mumbled as he started stretching his hand down, trying to judge where he could catch Yukari without losing his balance and being pulled down himself.
He suddenly felt someone take hold of his arm, and glanced backward as Moka gave him a determined nod and braced herseld to hold him steady.
Kouma took hold of his other shoulder, though he looked reluctant. "This is a complete waste of effort, you know. I actually would have ENJOYED noting having to listen to her all the way to the offices..."
Tsukune ignored him, and he let himself fall forward as Yukari reached the peak of her ascent, reaching down and grabbing her around her waist while Moka and Kouma kept him from falling himself. "All right! Hold on to me!"
Yukari did so, attaching herself to the human boy's torso like a life preserver as they were both pulled up onto the cliff.
"Well, we saved ourselves from having to pick her up at the place we're going anyway. Good job, team," Kouma deadpanned. Then he glanced down the slope they had just climbed. "Dick move, by the way."
The hellworm, which seemed to be staring up the incline despite a distinct lack of eyes, made a "Tch!" noise before it slunk back into its lava flow.
"What do we do about Ranma? Is he going to be okay?" Moka asked as she hugged a hyperventilating Yukari to her chest.
Kouma snorted. "If something like an enormous fall into jagged, burning rocks were enough to kill him, I'm pretty sure none of you would be alive right now."
Tsukune nodded, looking somewhat pleased (though it was hard to tell with the handkerchief over his mouth). "We should wait here for him to get back. I'm sure he could manage to get back."
Rrrrrrrrrrrumble...
"What... What's that?" Moka asked nervously.
Kouma shrugged. "Lava eruption. We get them every few hours or so. Usually in incredibly inconvenient places."
Tsukune frowned as he felt the ground tremble beneath him. "So, should we move, or-"
BWOOOOM!! He was entirely cut off as an enormous explosion sounded from far below, and Tsukune whirled around as a bright pillar of flame rocketed up past the very edge of the cliff, scorching and blinding him before he stumbled back.
There were a few more explosions from below, though none were as impressive, and Tsukune watched in horror as several more fireballs blasted upward past the cliff edge to shoot into the sky. Moka clung to him in fear as great tongues of flame swept over the ledge, and Yukari pulled her hat down over her head as she curled up into a ball and waited for the shaking to stop.
It was almost a full minute after the roaring explosions died down before Tsukune finally opened his eyes again. His body, as well as that of Moka and Yukari, was blackened with soot and peppered with dying embers. The edge of the cliff glowed red from the heat it was subjected to, and the view from the cliff into the valley below was completely blocked out by rising columns of thick black smoke from below.
Kouma was standing at the edge of the cliff as if he had not budged during the entire eruption, and looked supremely annoyed.
"Great, so now we have to make the same trip that we already had to make to rescue a teammate, except we lose Saotome rather than Sendo. Perfect," the hellhound grumbled as he turned around.
Tsukune and the others were too stunned to respond as Kouma walked past, his every step kicking up glowing embers and puffs of ash.
"Hey, let's get a move on! Before they decide to make him do something REALLY awful, like re-live his childhood over and over," Kouma demanded.
'I can't believe Ranma was finally taken out by an environmental hazard,' Evil Moka complained as her counterpart stumbled to her feet, 'not to mention I won't even be able to gloat about it until the next time Tsukune tries to feel us up. There's no justice in this world.'
