Shinji Ikari was starting to recognize he was spending more and more distressing
amounts of time unconscious. Damage to the body was easier to heal than damage
to the mind. He wondered how long he could keep on pushing his mortal psyche
before being devoured by the timeless anger of machine-god.
What dream-world lay behind his slumber? Did he find peace in there, or more nightmares?
As it turned out, a little bit of both.
Shinji walked down the streets of a completely empty city. For all the deaths and
dangers that Tokyo-3 suffered, this was just wrong. It was a city that lived! It was
not supposed to be this dead shell. His memory whispered indistinct threads of
conversations that should be there, at the edge of his vision flickered the shadow of
crowds. Just like the city itself, he was nothing without the vibrant energy of
humanity to use him to fulfill their purpose.
Just waiting for something to happen was lot creepier than facing up to sights that
would drive most people bleeding out the ears He, as a person, was loved and was
capable of love. Loneliness was terrifying. It was, in some way, quite a
comfortingly normal fear.
And then suddenly a great armored hand broke out, zombie-like, from the middle
of street and grabbed him. He sighed. Somewhat better.
He was caught in the grip of Evangelion Unit-01. The Eva's eyes glowed green, its
maw was open in a grin, and unshorn of its armor it was nothing short of demonic.
It was a sight that could drive most minds to whimpering terror. It was burning
existence that tugged and threatened to tear apart the mere little lights of man.
'Should it be grateful?' its feelings tried to convey. 'Just because they both sated
their bloodlust on difficult enemies, was that enough to make up for the pain of
living?' They were both beings that should not be.
The boy would never be able to impress his own Evangelion. After all, most of the
crazy shit they did, was by its AT-field. The Eva did not give a damn about politics
or ideals. Their existence alone was a sin. Its meager consciousness knew that
Shinji planned on growing more even more Evangelions, using them as the core of
mankind's superluminal civilization. More born into this torturous half-life.
Shinji crossed his arms. "The next generation will likely have more cybernetics.
They'll have a shared matrix, and maybe someday we can safely bring out their
Angelic states so they can exist in external forms. The day when pilots and Evas
will no longer be separate will come...
But not now. You're in pain. I'm in pain. Suck it up, you big baby. We've got a war
to win."
Relationships? That was scary. Ancient horrors were just -work-. After all, the worst
they could do was just to kill him. This did not please the bestial need to dominate reality that was an Angel's instincts. The Evangelion roared, its breath with the
force of a cyclone. Shinji's face flopped in the wind. When the Eva stopped, his hair
was sticking out in wet spikes pointing back. Purplish drool hung like ropes off his
shoulders.
Battle after battle and the weirdness that was his life, he was just so damn tired.
"I'm too young for this shit."
And then his vision burst out in many colors. Pain flooded his awareness.
Shinji Ikari woke up to Misato Katsuragi straddling him, with Ritsuko Akagi and
Maya Ibuki keeping careful watch nearby. Ah. Truth be told, he'd been expecting
something like this to happen one of these days.
"Wake up!" Misato screamed and slapped his face again.
"Ow! Okay, okay! I'm okay! You can stop now." the boy moaned. There was no peace to be had anywhere.
=][=
NERV was not in a power vaccuum. With the Commander and Subcommander
either gone or under arrest, that left Misato Katsuragi as complete despot over
Tokyo-3. While Yang's corpse cooled, she was in the next room over ensuring that
Tokyo-3 was locked down tight; all roads secured, all flights over the airspace other
than the one bringing her back were to be warned away once then eat an anti-air
missile if it refused to comply. Only the AA turrets didn't need resupply, since the
last attack by Evangelion-class enemies they were weapons too puny to be useful.
And then she took the train. The reporters chased after an agent who looked
enough like her in the dark or too-bright floodlights with large sunglasses from a
distance.
Alone in the cabin, with armored guards facing outwards the doors on either side,
Misato hugged herself. She was no stranger to death, while the sight of Yang's face
opening out like a split melon would appear in her dreams it wouldn't be nightmare.
What scared her most now was the inevitability of it. Kaji had known.
"It doesn't matter anymore, Misato." he whispered just as they parted with their
own security details. His diplomatic credentials meant he had to stay. "You have to
survive. I can't protect you from them."
"Protect from who?" she hissed.
Kaji pointed up to the moon. "If they're going to die, they'd rather see the world
burn with them. Talk to the kid, Misato. He'll know if there's something useful that
Gendo left behind."
"Kaji, I'll bite off your balls! Who are 'they' that are a danger to my Children?"
"'They' are the puppetmasters behind NERV. Where do you think all the Evas and
their technology come from? You were attacked from the moon, Misato. They're
still there."
Misato blinked. "What, aliens? I mean, more aliens." Angels were still classified as
xeno life by NERV.
"No, just a bunch of people with nothing to lose." He avoided meeting her eyes. "Not like you." She had... everything, now.
Misato couldn't say any more as her armored car arrived. She was left with the
impression that Kaji included himself among those who had nothing left to lose.
What the hell was that? Didn't she have any value now that she put her heart again
in his hands? He was acting like he'd already lost her. It hurt, specially thinking of
Kaji's womanizing ways, but he'd at least through the years been consistent in his
devotion to the truth. It couldn't be that simple, she can't have been just one more
conquest. There was too much hurt between them for it not to be real.
Misato was ever under the illusion she'd be the center of his existence. That was
the part like her father that she hated, but also it was a personality she could
accept.
She grit her teeth and forced unanswerable questions from her mind. Through her
life, she'd always been in the second ring. That someone would make her the center
of their existence, that was just as frightening. Who could do that? She still couldn't
dare. Their duty, bigger than both of them, glued their incomplete hearts.
The high-speed train swept on. Her shock was giving way to anger. Anger at Kaji,
at herself, and even Yang for dying and complicating what was starting to become a
nice if heavy status quo. Anger at the unreasonable world that just kept changing
on people that just want to see the next day close enough to the last, and now just
how much longer before she was back in the ordered war machine that was her
city.
How much longer before she could make things simple again. Just her against all
the world, again.
=][=
And even now as she watched Shinji taking a sip of hot soup, she didn't consider
that her duty could perhaps be love all the same, that maternal attachment she
thought she'd never have. Her Children needed her far more than anyone ever did,
Kaji included.
The customary questions were done with; how long had he been out (four days),
how were the other (completely fine), the Evas (completely trashed), and how
he felt (mostly meh).
Misato gave a thumbs-up to Ritsuko, who flipped four birds in response. "Listen,
Shinji, I'm sorry I had to do this, but you're the only one around here who can even
get close to thinking like Yang."
The boy blinked. "Yang-sensei? Um. So he's up to something?" His head was still
woozy. There was a bitter layer on his tongue. "Why don't you just ask him? I'm
plenty sure he's on our side."
"Yang's dead." Misato spat.
"Oh gods, we are so fucked."
"That was my reaction too." Maya said with a nod as she took the empty bowl.
Ritsuko sat at the far end of the room. Her medical expertise was no longer needed,
it was pointless to scan Shinji for being fit for duty when there was no Evangelion
available to be piloted. "It seems a common reaction." she said in bored murmur.
"Politics doesn't really interest me, but why that? Even I know that no matter how
many men the Chinese have, they have no chance of getting across the Sea of
Japan."
"Um, I don't think even Yang-sensei can pull off miracles when he's... dead." Maya
added dejectedly.
"Not unless they're invited here." Shinji replied while rubbing his forehead. "If they
want to force the issue, it's either that or have a lot of people on both sides die."
Misato nodded. Unless the UN NAVY and all other forces there decided to immolate
most of the Korean peninsula facing east, the PLA had enough rockets and missiles
to kill the all world's naval tonnage twice over. It was a weird sort of MAD, since
both forces would have enough advance warning of a strike that they could launch
their own counterstrikes well in time. But even if the artillery divisions were
destroyed, there were still others in transit from the mainland. It would be much
harder to replace the ships, and not even the JSSDF's first line forces entertained
the notion they could successfully drive back a mass assault from the mainland.
The only reasonable safe platform would be the submarines, and the PLA/N's
submarines were less capable than the ones available to the UN and the JSSM. The
Sea of Japan however was so thick with subs and already well-monitored that it was
nearly impossible to hide. Again it would rely on whoever decides to strike first.
It was a dizzying complex sequence and that practically insured it was NOT Yang's
plan. Because they could see it, for all the difficult of predicting how it would go.
Misato smirked. "It doesn't really matter, does it? No matter what they do, they
only have until Asuka comes back to... how's that go? Fuck their shit up."
No one had doubts about that. The Chinese would be treated to a red-haired
devil falling out of the sky, with barbarian rage and a valkyrie's spear, and verily
shit shall be fucked up.
"There's not much we can do about it here." Ritsuko noted. "So why are you people
worrying about it? If they want to fight, so what?"
"I don't want people to die needlessly." Shinji muttered softly.
"It affects how I'm going to defend this city." Misato replied. "Most of our defenses
are aimed to the east and open water, you know." Then she frowned. "If it was just
plain war, that's fine. But damn it... Yang died in front of me! Is that the goal?
Is someone next?" She then pointed at Shinji. "You're staying in the geofront, no
one gets through, not even your own... guards." She had obvious reasons to
distrust mercenaries. "Specially not any damn mind bender!"
"Ah, Misato-san, it might be better if I were out there. It would calm a lot more
people and honestly, I'm at much less risk than you are."
Misato crossed her arms over her chest. She was in her rights, as a superior officer,
a guardian, and as someone that had trusted him so far and now expected trust in
return. She was clearly aware she was not his mother or big sister though. "You're
staying, but tell me why you think that anyway."
Shinji rubbed the back of his head and smiled sheepishly. "It's kind of the classic
murder mystery. The first question you need to ask, who benefits from the death?"
"Who would benefit most from Yang dying?" Misato echoed.
Shinji blinked owlishly. Misato looked from him to Ritsuko, who dismissively waved
with a metal tentacle. Maya shyly seemed to curl up into herself.
"Don't say it." Misato grunted and got off the bed.
"You do."
Misato groaned. "I said not to say it!" She covered her face with her palms. "I didn't
do it! Is it going to be that hard to convince people that?"
"Um. It doesn't really have to be you specifically. Things at this level are more like
conspiracies. Someone who wants to solidify your position...?"
"That's crazy talk! Who'd dare to do that?!"
Shinji coughed. Ritsuko turned back to her laptop. Maya casually swayed on the
balls of her feet. The door to the hospital room opened and Rei, who was standing
guard outside, stood framed by the doorway. She nodded briefly. The door closed.
Right. Misato groaned again. "You're all bastards, you know that?"
Shinji shrugged. "More applicable would be bitches, no offense mea- ow!"
Even as she kept her eyes on the laptop and kept on typing, one of mechandedrites
smoothly picked up a clipboard and bounced it off his forehead.
"Sempai!" Maya gasped. Shinji looked appropriately chastened, but even as he
rubbed his head his eyes narrowed suspiciously. No one should be that good with
limbs that was incomparable to anything in the human body. It would be like trying
to control the tip of a whip, doable, but it should take a fair amount of practice.
"Aa, so I guess we're under total lockdown again?"
"No, we've started evacuating."
Shinji nodded. That was sensible. The way things were, either there would be a full
assault by whatever power is still capable of attacking Tokyo-3, or they had
already won. Only the Angels were left, but there was no predicting when they
would arrive anyway. Best to assume they'd attack at any time.
"I need to go up there..." he said suddenly.
"Out of the question."
Because this city is dying, he wanted to say. He felt as if a giant's hand was
squeezing his heart. Because... this is home, and I don't want to be alone again.
"I have... I have to say goodbye." he whispered in a broken voice. "After this...
everything changes. We can't go back anymore. I have to... go home... one last
time."
That little apartment. Shinji reached up to rub at his eyes. It was the one place he
could feel he wasn't the tool of some abstract destiny. That home, with Asuka
complaining, Misato laughing, and Rei or Maya dropping in now and then to add a
sense of enduring comfort; just one year and those were the memories he wanted
to keep above all else. While younger he took meditative comfort in his isolation
with the four personalities in his head.
They weren't enough anymore. "Misato-san... please." Somehow he just had to
offer thanks, to that room, to this city; not as Shinji Ikari, pilot of Evangelion Unit
One, but as a boy who was given a life worth living and a family to cherish.
