Story killers

[Master of Squirrel-Fu]

Just some thing's that you see in a fic that just kill it for you. Not necessarily genre related either.

Script Form: God do I hate fics written as scripts
Wall of text: goes without saying
L337 speaking: :headbanger:
Formated to only one side: If the story is good enough I could muscle it but usually I just piss me off
Abuse of Japanese without translations: Maybe some common words and such but some just sprinkle it in at every opportunity
Naruto takes place in the Modern day: Must control... fist... of... DEATH!
RanmaXAkane: RRRRAAAAAGGGGEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
literal english translations: :flameon: :flameon: :flameon: I approach AM levels of HATE when I see some dumbfuck calling Rasengans "Spiraling spheres" or Hiraishins "Flying Thunder Gods"
Draco In Leather Pants: I Feel I must use a quote for this: I Feel I must use a quote for this:
[quote="Ranma From Chibi-reaper']"I'm.... suddenly not even that angry. Or I don't feel it, which is weird, because every word out of this [dumb-fuck]'s mouth had me boiling hotter and hotter. It's like I've come full circle, and have reached a plateau of gentle calm, surrounded by a sea of boiling rage. Or maybe a zen state of nirvana, fueled by loathing. That's the only way I can describe it."[/quote]

There's a much longer list than this but these are the worst.

 

[Takerial]

Is English your second language?

 

[Master of Squirrel-Fu]

Is English your second language?

Fixed. I sodently glade I mad mo mentoin o fbad speeling

 

[Southern Cross]

Bad spelling is one of my pet peeves,as is the Psycho!Akane that so many ignorant Ranma fans believe in.

 

[akun50]

Just an FYI: You can remove the part that I've struck in the below quote:

Draco In Leather Pants: I Feel I must use a quote for this: <s>I Feel I must use a quote for this:</s>

I guess one of my pet peeves is how someone will force a scenario to repeat time and time again, regardless of issues that would otherwise prevent it.

I know there are things that were probably planned well in advance, such as the Triwizard Tournament for the Harry Potter universe; or things that are set by a schedule, like the Chuunin Exams for Naruto; but honestly, things can be changed with a little backstory.

And really, changing things is the whole reason Fanfiction exists.

 

[grant]

Here are the ones I hate in fics, but they also extend to professional fiction.
1.
People who don't have the faintest idea how what they're writing about really works. The sheer number of fics about lawyers* that have no idea how the law works are a headache to me (I'm a fledgling political scientist but I also have a good sense of law).

In professional fiction: How Dan Brown gets published I'll never know, but to me Stirling's Draka series shows so little understanding of so many different fields it's insulting that the books sell**.


*God alone knows why, in the U.S lawyers are generally unpopular.
** See here for a good bashing of the history in it.

2.
Everyone in the fic is bisexual. This is primarily in fics written by yaoi fangirls for some reason, I'm not really sure why. You would normally think that lemon fics would follow pornography and be dominated by hetero and lesbian works, but that just isn't the reality.

The Anita Blake novels might be the largest example of this in professional works. Out of all the men she's slept with (well over ten I'm sure), I'm not sure if a single one of them was strictly heterosexual. Also they all appear to enjoy BDSM and orgies.

3.
One that generally doesn't occur in professional fiction but all the time in fics is ignoring clearly stated elements of a character or people to make a preferred pairing.
The members of Organization XIII, except for a select few, cannot feel. In KHverse emotions are tied to the heart, ergo if you do not have a heart you cannot feel. The only exceptions to this are those who managed to gain part of their Other's heart like Roxas or Axel who grew to have emotions from his time with Roxas (and even then, early on in KH2 he still showed more interest in saving himself than in their friendship). The number of fans who ignore this clearly stated plot point is somewhere in the thousands at least.

4.
Ignoring everything a villainous or questionable character has done in the past after they switch sides. Sadly you do see it too often in professional work, but it's made worse in fics. All those crimes that guy committed against millions? Sure he did it, but they happened off screen and not to anyone that the protagonist knew. Even worse is that the one character in the party who isn't automatically accepting is generally shown as a distrusting jerk.

Not the worst, but a professional example is the manga Yu-gi-oh. Apparently, after Pegasus appears the nakama are happy to welcome Kaiba and his brother. That little incident where Mokuba poisoned Jounouchi? Boys will be boys! Kaiba's prank with the serial killer? One good mind crush and it's all forgiven! This is made even more of a headache by the fact that they occur openly and are aimed at the protagonists. Have they forgotten attempted murder, kidnapping, theft and who knows what else?

5.
It doesn't appear often in professional works, but replacing the main character with a knock off.
In Harry Potter it is made very clear right from the start that he is the only child of his immediate family. That doesn't stop people from writing fic after fic where his super competent sister shows up to save the day or his bullied little brother shows up to upstage his arrogant sibling.

 

[goldenarms]

In professional fiction, generally, sensationalism sells. So what if Matlock completely ignores the fact that defense attorneys are paid to get their client off, not solve murders? It sells; who cares!

And speaking as a person that has none of the knowledge about super-colliders, aerodynamics and such-and-such, Dan Brown hooked the reader's interest and kept hold of it. That's how he got published. Same thing with Stephenie Meyers -- god knows how she did it, but somehow she did. No matter how weird or inaccurate something may be, if it can hook interest and keep it, it's going to get sold.

That said, things that derail me instantly are:

- gratuitous Japanese

- shitty fanon hooks (Naruto is like King of this -- how many stories have you read where he's NOT being chased throughout Konoha at the age of eight by mobs of angry villagers with pitchforks and burnings brands to "finally kill the demon once and for all"?)

- failure to understand human emotions

- bashing, hardcore derailment

- repetition of situations that in reality could not work (a brilliant Naruto STILL ending up on the same genin team as Sasuke, for example)

- failure to move away from canon, no matter what changes have been wrought upon the story (see above)

- grammer

 

[Mercsenary]

gratuitous Japanese

Yes all well and nice that you want some semblance of culture in your fic. But its a bit MUCH when every other goddamn word is something in Japanese. The honorifics... eh... in the apropriate amount it works. In excessive amounts like being attached to every single goddamn name, I will burn you!

Wall o' text

No.

Shitty Fanon hooks

A matter of perspective but I see what you are saying. The ol' "Dursleys are abusing him" or the "OMG NARUTO IS BEING CHASED BY A MOB AND TALKING LIKE A RETARDED THREE YEAR OLD"

Bashing

Eh... A fanfic is already kind of an AU so I guess a little can be justified but having an entire chap or the entire fic based around this is... excessive.

Canon Retread

I dont read fanfiction to read the same goddamn story. Some change plox.

 

[ecs05norway]

Bashing

Yaoi

Ranma/Ukyou.

 

[ZeroForever]

MPREG .... it's a even worse version of Yaoi...

others stated already... typically Bashing, japengrish, and others...

 

[Avider]

Abuse of Japanese without translations: Maybe some common words and such but some just sprinkle it in at every opportunity

Ok, I'm following you...

literal english translations: :flameon: :flameon: :flameon: I approach AM levels of HATE when I see some dumbfuck calling Rasengans "Spiraling spheres" or Hiraishins "Flying Thunder Gods"

You lost me.

 

[Halibel Lecter]

Avider: typically, Japanese names are short and sweet compared to the full English translation. Often, the English is long, hyperdetailed, over the top and sounds dumb. This is why attack and weapon names generally stay in the original language. ^_^

 

[Mercsenary]

Or should in theory. Of course coming up with your Japanese names is always a minefield. Sure you could use a online translator but chances are... you'll come out with some weird garbage...

If that's the case either find a Japanese speaker or tell people you are going to be using Japanese words only where appropriate.

 

[naughtybit]

Cool. I'll play:

- Authors who use characters as mouthpieces to share their own personal opinions on the current political landscape (i.e. Shampoo "discussing" China's human/civil rights issues) or dressing down any story arc or character(s) in the manga/anime/novel that they really, REALLY hated (i.e. using Kurenai to rant about everything that's wrong about how Naruto's treated, why Sasuke isn't as cool as Kishimoto thinks he is and etcetera etcetera)

- Bracketed author notes IN THE MIDDLE OF THE F-CKING STORY. Not at the beginning or at the end. No. In between sentences and/or paragraphs.

- Re-designing a character's outfit and dressing them up in cargo pants/shorts with losta, LOTSA pockets; finger-less gloves (obvs); and, eventually, a trench-coat. It always ends with a trench-coat. Do I even need to type what title this happens the most frequently in?

- Poorly contrived, "original" Japanese names. Authors can't just slap together two words that may "sound" Japanese and think that it's a name or has any kind of meaning.

 

[Dartz_IRL]

Or should in theory. Of course coming up with your Japanese names is always a minefield. Sure you could use a online translator but chances are... you'll come out with some weird garbage...

If that's the case either find a Japanese speaker or tell people you are going to be using Japanese words only where appropriate.

I find the Eva method makes it easy.

Take a commonish first name from one character.
Take a surname from an old WW2 IJN ship that you looked up on wikipedia.

Either that, or was an English name through an online translator to get the same thing in Japanese phonetics... I've done that once or twice and it's fooled many people.

 

[Croaker]

AU fics which don't diverge from canon. Also, time travel which decides to not change anything.
Incompetent protagonists.
Shitty humor, probably involving pranks.
Gun knowledge failure.

And saved for last because it above all other things will make me drop a fic: The chess metaphor.

 

[The Ero-Sennin]

Strawmen

 

[Drawde]

Multi-crosses simply there to add favorite characters to a story. WITHOUT taking into account how things work in any of the canons. Note that this isn't basically using a character for a cameo, or simply using the character as if he/she had come from the story (The AA thread No Tendo, for example). This is when an author mixes together a bunch of series they like without even trying to figure out how they would work together. Especially any contradictions between the many, many settings.

 

[Uldihaa]

I'll put in Crossovers that are more about how the Crossover Character is OMGWTF awesome rather than any real story.*

There's no balancing, no adjustments made to make any potential fights actually interesting. It's just scene after scene of how much better the CC is compared to everyone else.

If you want to write a good action/adventure crossover:

A.) Send the CC to a universe in which he/she is an underdog.

Or

B.) If you really want to send the CC to a universe in which he/she will dominate, handicap the character. Make them start all over on relearning skills and abilities. Maybe have everyone out to get the CC, native heroes and villains alike. Just have something that's going to make the CC using his/her power difficult/impossible.

I just started reading a fic that sends a CC to an underpowered (compared to his) universe. Only a handful of chapters in and Naruto has:

1.) Been there a month and now joined with the heroes organization. That's fine.

2.) Deeply impressed the leader of the group in his very first hour; though Naruto hasn't actually done anything.

3.) Had the two most powerful females, both single of course, getting into an immediate fight over him (as in the same first hour he impresses the leader); one of which is a main character. He's still done nothing impressive.

4.) His very first mission (in which the two women almost beg to accompany him) he finishes in record time (by literally days). He then encounters the women, fighting again (though in the author's defense, these two characters tend to fight over just about everything). Oh, and his clones and a few other abilities are extremely rare, or virtually unheard of. Second mission, same as the first minus one of the women. The one that does go with him is in 'awe' of his power. She's well known and feared due to how powerful she is.

5.) Meets another main (canon) character, fights him, wins in seconds; with a single hit.

6.) Oh, and did I mention that this 'Naruto' has been fighting a war for a year? And has killed lots of enemies? Well, he has.

So to sum it all up, this story is 'Naruto you're sooo awesome! *fap, fap, fap*'.

Conflict, it's good for a story. Some need to get some.

Well; that was a bit too specific maybe, but I think the example shows what I mean


*Exceptions are parodies.

 

[grant]

Conflict, it's good for a story. Some need to get some.

I'd add 'struggle' to that. Fics where a character (crossover or other) quickly solves problems that define the original story don't really have much point. One of the main reasons anyone reads a story is to see the character overcome an obstacle, not flick it away to show how cool they are.


Add to the list 'Character A suddenly has an epiphany and understands how to solve the problems that have lasted throughout the entire series'. General example is Ranma solving the fiancÚe mess when he's actually shown to avoid doing that (reversal jewel and Shampoo?). Specific example was some Eva fic where Kaji and Shinji advised the other on how to woo Misato and Asuka*, and it worked perfectly.


*No, it was not the fairly good The Best Laid Plans.

 

[WizardOne]

I'll put in Crossovers that are more about how the Crossover Character is OMGWTF awesome rather than any real story.*

There's no balancing, no adjustments made to make any potential fights actually interesting. It's just scene after scene of how much better the CC is compared to everyone else.

If you want to write a good action/adventure crossover:

A.) Send the CC to a universe in which he/she is an underdog.

Or

B.) If you really want to send the CC to a universe in which he/she will dominate, handicap the character. Make them start all over on relearning skills and abilities. Maybe have everyone out to get the CC, native heroes and villains alike. Just have something that's going to make the CC using his/her power difficult/impossible.

I just started reading a fic that sends a CC to an underpowered (compared to his) universe. Only a handful of chapters in and Naruto has:

1.) Been there a month and now joined with the heroes organization. That's fine.

2.) Deeply impressed the leader of the group in his very first hour; though Naruto hasn't actually done anything.

3.) Had the two most powerful females, both single of course, getting into an immediate fight over him (as in the same first hour he impresses the leader); one of which is a main character. He's still done nothing impressive.

4.) His very first mission (in which the two women almost beg to accompany him) he finishes in record time (by literally days). He then encounters the women, fighting again (though in the author's defense, these two characters tend to fight over just about everything). Oh, and his clones and a few other abilities are extremely rare, or virtually unheard of. Second mission, same as the first minus one of the women. The one that does go with him is in 'awe' of his power. She's well known and feared due to how powerful she is.

5.) Meets another main (canon) character, fights him, wins in seconds; with a single hit.

6.) Oh, and did I mention that this 'Naruto' has been fighting a war for a year? And has killed lots of enemies? Well, he has.

So to sum it all up, this story is 'Naruto you're sooo awesome! *fap, fap, fap*'.

Conflict, it's good for a story. Some need to get some.

Well; that was a bit too specific maybe, but I think the example shows what I mean


*Exceptions are parodies.

I can see where you're coming from. Well, actually, no I can't. I love that Naruto/Fairytale xover you were referring to.
Im totally willing and able to enjoy 'Naruto you're so awesome *fap fap fap*'. But since this is personal pet peeves I dont think I should rag on that =D.


My personal pet peeves are pretty simple. Grammar and spelling. I really, really get into the flow of a story, I have a very active imagination, and I can totally immerse myself in the world of this or that character. UNTIL I SEE A SPELLING MISTAKE. Totally breaks the flow, I stop, stare, get annoyed. And have to get back into the flow. Reading a fic with several spelling mistakes per paragraph starts to drive me insane.

 

[goldenarms]

Add to the list 'Character A suddenly has an epiphany and understands how to solve the problems that have lasted throughout the entire series'. General example is Ranma solving the fiancÚe mess when he's actually shown to avoid doing that (reversal jewel and Shampoo?). Specific example was some Eva fic where Kaji and Shinji advised the other on how to woo Misato and Asuka*, and it worked perfectly.

Well, epiphanies do happen, though, the kicker is they don't have any basis or need for a trigger to occur. But in Ranma's case, I sort of understand what you're getting at. Into Every Life, A Little Rain Must Fall certainly came off bad in the regard. It was awesome up until the end of Shuffling the Deck, Act III, Pt. 4, where Ranma explains what he was aiming for with the honorable suicide plan. After that, I couldn't bring myself to finish reading the next chapter.

It literally killed all the tension involved in the story, and made everything transparent from then on. Bad move.

 

[daniel_gudman]

CC stuff

I would posit that it's fine to have one, cross-over character be massively more powerful than the others... but it's not taken into serious account when plotting.

For example, a fight between that character and another isn't a source of tension in the story. The conclusion is pretty much foregone.

Mr. Nuke getting deceived and lied to, on the other hand....

 

[Elf]

Out of Character.

Bad dialogue . . .

Nothing bugs me more than when someone writes a character out of character. Seems to happen a lot with some of the more popular characters to get more idealized versions of them. It drives me up my frigging tree.

 

[nkvd]

Out of Character.

Bad dialogue . . .

Nothing bugs me more than when someone writes a character out of character. Seems to happen a lot with some of the more popular characters to get more idealized versions of them. It drives me up my frigging tree.

"Sakura, everyone suffers and let's compare pain here,"

Very much agreed ma'am.