The TFF Shinji

[MARQUIS DE SADE]

Here is my take on what would happen if I raised Shinji.....

First meetings.
Misato: "Sorry, Shinji. I hope I wasn't late."

Shinji: "No, you're not late. The clocks just decided to jump ahead a few hours without telling anyone. Fucking dumbass."


Geo-Front.
Gendo: "You will pilot Unit-01."

Shinji: "If I am going to be piloting Unit-01 I better be getting paid some damn good money for doing it. Do you have any idea how expensive it can be keeping a Korean War era Dodge Powerwagon, a 1970 Pontiac GTO Judge, and a 1987 Buick Grand National in tip top shape?"


Misato's apartment.
Misato: "Shinji, you can take advantage of anything. Except me, of course."

Shinji: "Misato, you are a beautiful woman but if my Irish girlfriend found out I was messing around her family would fuck me up. And another question I have is who the hell do I have to kill to get some Pabst Blue Ribbon, Guinness Stout, or some good German beer around here?"

Over The Rainbow.
Asuka:"Which one is the Third Child?" (Looks over and sees a boy with brown hair and blue eyes wearing blue jeans, steel toe work boots, and a black t-shirt that says "We Can't Stop Here. This Is Bat Country." and is reading "Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas".)


ShinjiLooks up from his book and sees a red haired girl standing in front of him)
"You must be the Second Child Asuka Sohryu. Pleased to meet you."

Asuka(Thinking):"I am going to be working with a certified lunatic."


The Infamous Kiss Scene.
Asuka:"Why don't you want to kiss, Shinji? You mom is probably watching right now." (Starts inching close to Shinji's face and then hears a slight clicking sound. As soon as she heard the sound she backs away and sees Shinji holding a Colt 1911 .45 ACP Semi-Automatic Handgun that was just aimed below her chin.)

Shinji:"If you ever mention my mom again in such a disrespectful tone I will make you beg for a quick death."

 

[zeebee1]

Misato: I'm sorry Shinji. There was an accident and your guradians died in a giant unexplained pillar of radioactive flame. But I'm not sure why that matters since the angels destroyed Japan over a month ago when your cowardly actions let them win.

 

[elric]

It would be funny if she really was watching. Can you imagine an Eva looking in on you as you try and. . .

 

[Dubrichius]

I figure I might as well take a crack at what Shinji would turn out like having been raised by me.

--------------------

"So this is where the old jackass works, huh?" Shinji inquired.

"Correct!" A cold voice responded.

"Good to see we finally agree on something, huh old man?" the well dressed teenager shot back. His only response was a cold stare.

"It was funny, wasn't it?" Shinji pouted, "No, not even a little bit?" He asked holding his thumb and forefinger close together. "Oh you're no fun," Smiling once more, he continued, "So, why'd you call me here? Does it have anything to do with that purple monstrosity in here?"

"Yes, you are to pilot it." Gendo said.

"W-wait, did you just say what I think you said? You want me to pilot it?" The teenage boy incredulously asked, looking between EVA-01 and his so-called 'father'. "Have you been taking your medication recently?"

Almost all of the people assembled gaped at the way the younger Ikari was casually insulting their commander's mental state.

"If you are refusing to pilot the Evangelion, then you are of no use to me," the bearded bastard snapped, refusing to engage in a battle of wits that he knew he wouldn't win.

"Ahh, so that's how it is, huh?" Shinji rhetorically asked, while reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out a small metal cylinder. "I suppose I should give you my answer, shouldn't I?" He twisted the tip of the object in his hands, causing the three smaller cylindrical shapes on the tip to extend out with a sharp metallic shink. He then quickly pointed the device at the window his father was standing behind, and fired off a blast of energy, shattering the glass into millions of tiny slivers.

"Fuck off," Shinji succinctly said, replacing the weapon inside of his jacket.

"WHAT WAS THAT!?" Misato cried out, hiding behind Ritsuko.

"Laser screwdriver," Shinji said, smirked slightly at the purple haired beauty. "Who'd have sonic?"

Brushing the specks of glass from his body, Gendo turned to the screen beside him. "Fuyutsuki, the Third Child has refused to pilot. Wake Rei."

"Can you use her?" inquired the older man in the viewscreen.

"She's not dead," Gendo replied. "Have her transported here."

--------------------

I'll continue this sometime in the next day or two, 'cause right now, I need to go to sleep.

 

[kaiseryuu]

Yeah, the crazy has got me too...

---

"Beep-Beep...*Smash-bing*" The phone said as Shinji smashed it back into it's place.

"Dammit, I knew this was a bad idea, coming here an' all...Fuck it I'm going back. Too fucking boring." Shinji said as he turned to walk back to the station only to stop as the station was smashed by a falling aircraft.

"..." Shinji stared blankly as the angel took a swipe at another aircraft making it explode in the air.

"Well, hello there... I think I might stay for a while longer..." The teen said grinning as he fingered something in his pocket.

A loud shriek was heard as a car stopped next to Shinji, who barely flinched.
A woman's head stuck out taking off a pair of sunglasses,

"Get in." The woman said urgently, Shinji grinned and stepped in the car.

"My place or your place...?" Shinji asked grinning as the woman began driving,

"uh... *cough* I'm from NERV, I was sent to pick you up." The woman, Misato said as she tried to focus on driving.

"Your place it is."

---

"Correct."

All eyes turned upwards as Gendo made his presence known.

"..." Shinji took a long look before scratching his head boredly. "Uh, care to say that one more time again, I wasn't listening... Sorry?"

"...You will pilot the Evangelion, that I why I called for you. If you refuse we will use a spare."

"OBJECTION!!"
Roared through the large room making all wince.

"You, my own father, who abandoned me, now wants me to work for him as the time is convenient. This looks like child-labour!" Shinji roared slamming his hand on the rail.

"...Bring in Rei." Gendo sighed saying into another line.

"Can we use her?" Came back form the line.

"She's still alive." Gendo rather boredly noted.

The door opened bringing out the bandaged Rei,

"Whoa, hold the phone... alright, I'll pilot it, just leave the kitten out of this..." Shinji said almost panicking.

"Kitten?" The whole staff sweat-dropped.

---

"Think about walking." The sound-only channel voiced. Shinji nodded and the Eva took a wobbly step.

This was however followed with the Eva crashing down face-first.

"Gah! These controls suck ass!" Roared through the intercom as the Eva was picked up by the angel.

"Watch out!" Misato shouted as the angel smacked the Eva across the city.

"Gah! Fuck it..." Shinji shouted as he let go of the handles inside the cockpit and began digging for something in his pocket.

"Shinji, you need to get up, the Angel is coming." Misato tried saying calmly. She was answered with a

"AHA!! Found it!"

The Eva Jumped up and slowly began jumping in a karate stance.

The Angel stopped and took a look before deciding that the jumping was nothing to worry about.

As the Angel reached the Eva a roar broke through the intercom as the Eva jumped and kicked the Angel into the air. "Tornado Kick!" was heard followed by the Eva spinning in the air doing several spin-kicks without touching the ground for more speed.

Both landed, the angel severely more dizzy as another cry was heard;

"Left, down, PUNCH: SHORYUKEN!!!!" Followed with the Eva performing a Uppercut sending the Angel flying.

"Haa..." The intercom sounded as the Eva crouched down with it's hands cupped behind it.

"Down, Left, Punch: HADOKEN!!!!" Was the the last thing the NERV staff heard before their screens were blinded white.

"HE'S BENDING THE AT-FIELD INTO A BALL AND SENDING IT AS A SHOCKWACE AT THE ANGEL!!" Could be heard as the light died down.

A video-link opened to the Eva-pilot. On another screen cold be seen the angels half-evaporated body, with only the legs still standing.

Shinji's shout of victory could be heard saying as he put the Video Game controller back into his pocket.

 

[David Alan Abramczyk]

An elderly 1961 Vauxhall Velox slowly motored up the road towards Tokyo-3. Seated inside was a middle-aged European man in a suit, with a straw boater in his lap, and in the passenger seat next to him was a young Japanese teenager, dressed in similar clothing to the man. The man turned to look at the teen next to him.

"Well, Shinji, we're nearly there. Once we get to Tokyo-3, I'll make the proper arrangements for you before I hand you back over to your father."

"Hai, Abramczyk-san." Shinji said. The man sighed.

"Shinji, I've told you before, call me David. Calling me by my surname sounds ridiculous." David Abramczyk said.

Shinji nodded, and checked the back seat. On it was a cello case, a collection of railway magazines, and some books. The journey went on in silence for some time, before David pulled over, at the rise of a hill.

"Shinji..." The boy looked up.

"Shinji, you're a good kid. I know I might not have been the greatest foster-father in the world, but everything I did, I did for you, and I'm proud of the way you've grown up."

David sighed, and looked out over the cityscape of Tokyo-3. He continued.

"That's why I've been keeping something from you. I wanted you to grow up as normally as possible. You see, when you were signed to my care, your father Gendo..." David grimaced, and shook his head. "Gendo told me that he wanted me to mold you. Mold you into a tool for him. He wanted me to make you a socially-awkward and extremely shy and sensitive boy. He wanted you to be angry at him, so he could use it to shape you to his desires."

"Is.... Is that why...?" Shinji asked. David turned and shook his head.

"I did everything I could to make you a good, assertive person. That's why I enrolled you in the Boy Scouts, and in those Martial Arts courses. I want you to be strong, Shinji. Strong enough to withstand your father." David stopped, and looked over Tokyo-3 again. "Your father... he's an Othello, really. One who loves not wisely-"

"-But too well." Shinji finished.

"Exactly. What happened to your mother... It affected him badly."

Shinji was silent. Sensing the conversation was over for now, David put the car in gear and drove into the city.

=====================================================

Miles away, in the flooded ruins of Old Tokyo, something divided the waters as it swam on. The few powerlines that had remained standing when the sealevel rose were sliced cleanly apart, as Sachiel, the Third Angel, swam towards Tokyo-3....

=====================================================

(Time Jump)

=====================================================

David stood next to Shinji as they both gazed upon the sight before them. Shinji dived into his guide book, while David sneered at the machine. "Who was the boozer who decided to paint a freaking giant robot in that god awful paint job? Jackson bloody Pollock?"

"Hey!" Misato said, thinking he was talking about her.

"Sorry, but really! Purple with a green trim? Why not just have Shinji sing Y.M.C.A. at the beastie outside and be done with it?" David shook his head.

"I chose the paintjob." a cold voice called from on high. Shinji and David turned, and saw Gendo Ikari stare at them both. "It has been a long time, Shinji." he said disinterestedly. David pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"Father." Shinji said neutrally. "I presume the hullabaloo outside is the reason you called for me?" he said, still eerily calm.

"Correct. Captain Katsuragi, we're moving out. Prepare Unit-01 for combat."