The Thread for Jokes and Funny Anecdotes


Apparently a report-er
-Where should we go if we're beaten up by the police?
-We're conformists. That won't happen.
-But what if...?

...Since we are, in fact, conformists....
On the beaten path


Apparently a report-er
A Naruto, French language joke, now.

-What is this Zero-tails earring, girl?
-Oh, you recognize it?
-Pleeaase. Everyone knows it's faux Bijuu.



Well-Known Member
So my career is basically working in a technical role in industrial environments. Sometimes, I look at water treatment for water being drawn from a river or lake for operations. As a part of this, at a previous job, I received a call one day in the summer from an accounting beancounter

Beancounter: "Why are we using so much more chemical now than we were a few weeks ago?"

Me: "Well, it's been raining out hard. So when it rains, we get more runoff into the river. Little particles of dirt and so on. And it stirs up the riverbed as well a little. So we need to use more polymer to capture all that extra runoff. But polymer drops the pH of our water, so we need to add sodium hydroxide to bring the pH back up some."

Beancounter: "Well, can't we do something about that?

Me: "...I just explained to you, it's raining, so we need more chemicals because of that."

Beancounter: "No, I mean, can't we do something about the rain?"

At that point, I was just slackjawed for a few seconds, before my ability to snark kicked in, and in my most deadpan tone:

Me: "If I could control the rain, I wouldn't be making five figures here. I'd be working in southern California, where I am sure they'd be more than happy to pay somebody billions of dollars a year if he could control the rain and get rid of their droughts and wildfires."

At that point, he had the decency to realise just how stupid that question was, and quickly wrapped up the conversation :oops:


Apparently a report-er
A mother and her twenty-year-old daughter are talking, and the conversation ends up on the girl's most recent romantic entanglement.

D: Mom, I got together with the neighbor!
M: But- he could be your father!
D: I don't care about the age difference!
M: ...Not what I meant...



Well-Known Member
In an unrelated conversation that somehow moved to the topic of the Reign of Terror and the use of guillotines:

Me: When the guillotine was first invented, you could really say it was...cutting-edge technology.


Well-Known Member
A coworker was bitching about shortages of chemicals used for water treatment (see: a few posts above)

Me: You think that's bad? Imagine how short we would be if some of these chemicals were also used in the production of horse dewormer