WTF! Comics?

[cgobyd]

Ok this thread is for people to post moments in comics that either make you RAGE at the stupidity or make you scratch your head in utter confusion.

I'll start with two pages from Booster Gold v2 #31.

Its A Fucking Dog! Get the Fuck over it and get your fucking head out of your ass and thank the god damn hero for not allowing the villains to gun you and all you love down!

 

[Ordo]

B...but everyone LOVES puppies, and besides it's Boosters fault for not being more careful. Had he been a proper hero, like Superman, he'd not have let that dog die, and still taken down the bad guy.

Of course it'd would be funny if the father and his daughter to saw how things would've gone if Booster Gold hadn't intervened. I mean having them both expierence what it's like to die might change their tune a bit....

 

[Aarik]

It sounds like he wasn't paying attention to his forcefield settings.

The way the robot mention's it, it seems like he should have known the beam would bounce off and hit the dog.

So it's less, they're making a big deal, and more, he either was being negligent, or just wasn't paying proper attention, considering he has future tech, that's not a good thing.

If you were being rescued by some guy, and he used some high tech gun, and, because of not knowing how to work it, he shot you with it by accident to, you'd be pissed.

EDIT: Or, more accurately, he should pay more attention when he has a force field that has laser's ricochet off against a guy who has a laser in a park full of people, he should honestly be lucky he ONLY got a dog killed and not some people.

 

[WizardOne]

It sounds like he wasn't paying attention to his forcefield settings.

The way the robot mention's it, it seems like he should have known the beam would bounce off and hit the dog.

So it's less, they're making a big deal, and more, he either was being negligent, or just wasn't paying proper attention, considering he has future tech, that's not a good thing.

If you were being rescued by some guy, and he used some high tech gun, and, because of not knowing how to work it, he shot you with it by accident to, you'd be pissed.

EDIT: Or, more accurately, he should pay more attention when he has a force field that has laser's ricochet off against a guy who has a laser in a park full of people, he should honestly be lucky he ONLY got a dog killed and not some people.

except the issue is, that if he hadn't been there they would have died, he was there and the dog died. its sad, but you know what, he tried, he showed remorse, and they shat on him. Personally I'd have just not saved anyone in that city for a while, see how they like being without a hero to save them and to lynch
but I'm cynical and thats just me.

 

[sworded]

I know comic book villians generally have super plot armor, but the fact that no one has ever even tried giving the Joker and other super crazy villians like him lobotomies. Really the whole sentencing and corrections depts of the major heroes comics just piss me off. :rant: Reoccurring enemies are one thing, but massmurders who continue to escape from prison either on their own or with help are another entirelly. I almost always prefer villians that are defeated but not put into the crim justice system; the others just make the entire system look like a complete and utter failure.

 

[Ordo]

Reoccurring enemies are one thing, but massmurders who continue to escape from prison either on their own or with help are another entirelly.

Let's be honest, you're a prisoner or guard in Arkham and they bring in the Joker. Where do you want him, inside with you, or outside being someone elses problem?

 

[sworded]

Reoccurring enemies are one thing, but massmurders who continue to escape from prison either on their own or with help are another entirelly.

Let's be honest, you're a prisoner or guard in Arkham and they bring in the Joker. Where do you want him, inside with you, or outside being someone elses problem?

I'd want him trapped for eternity in bowels of the abyss.

The Joker has repeatedly threatened all of Gothom City and its environs with chemical weapons and other WMDs. I rember an arc in Robin where Tim teamed up with the 'new' Captain Boomerang to find a nuke the Joker had hidden in the city a couple years before. If you're even close to Gothom neither you or anyone you care about are safe. End the fucker.

 

[Ordo]

End the fucker.

Awww come on. He has the love of a good woman, Harley Quinn, and thus he can't be all bad.

Too be fair, somebody should've killed The Joker by now. The only reason I can think of that he's still alive is that everyone's trying to kill him, and they keep screwing up one another's plans.

 

[sith2886]

One.More.Day

enough said.

 

[Chuckg]

Don't get me started on the Joker. The problem as regards him not being dead come in two varieties.

Extra-legal retribution: The list of people Joker has killed is immense. The list of people in the DCU who are powerful and/or wealthy yet not burdened by moral scruples is also very large. Yet these two lists have never intersected? Joker's never done up the relative, friend, S.O. of any other supervillain who'd be pissed off enough to make a run at him, either singly or with friends? Joker's never whacked a relative of the mob, or any rich guy who happens to know the phone # of any one of the DCU's various elite mercenary assassin types?

Seriously. Joker makes it his mission in life to drive as many other people as possible to the depths of rage or despair. You'd think at least one of them would have the $10 million or so necessary to pay Deathstroke's tab. Or David Cain's, or Lady Shiva's. (The latter two in particular -- even if you grant that the Joker is a formidable enough opponent you need to be Batman to defeat him, the last two names on my list have both one-upped Batman at least once.) Seriously.

And really, I can understand why Lex Luthor lets the Joker live: a Batman without the Joker in his life is a Batman who has enormously more free time to roll on down to Metropolis and give his buddy Kal-El a little help in unravelling Lex's labyrinthine business schemes, which is a headache Lex Luthor knows he does not need. On the few occasions Lex and Bruce have gone at it as dueling Magnificent Bastards, Lex's life royally sucked. Lex does not desire repeats. So the Joker's existence is significantly useful to Lex Luthor. But Lex? You're about the only guy in the DCU supervillain community who'd agree with you on that point!

So why hasn't the Joker accidentally fallen headfirst into his mirror while shaving one day, to end up suffocating on the ass end of Mars? Or accidentally on purpose being transmuted into a pile of arsenic? Or sniped in the face from a mile and a half away? Or buried underneath his own personal miniature glacier? Or found mysteriously strangled by animated vines and a 100-foot tree jammed up his anus?

Legal consequences: Let's leave out the vast majority of Joker's crimes, even though just 1% of that list would be considered a great year for Jason Voorhees. I'm gonna just name three things right off the top.

* Attempted to kill the UN General Assembly, in session, with nerve gas. Stopped literally in the act (with the gas safely inhaled by Superman and then super-breathed out into space) by the World's Finest. ("Death In The Family")
* Attempted to destroy New York City with sea-launched cruise missiles mounting nuclear warheads. Stopped by the Birds of Prey. (BIRDS OF PREY #16-17)
* Released a biological warfare agent that mutated dozens of supervillains into crazed killing machines. Summer crossover event spanning many titles. ("Last Laugh")

What is the common factor among all the three above events? They involved terrorist attacks with weapons of mass destruction.

Yup, that's right. The Joker is the only living person in the DCU to have attacked the American mainland with every single type of WMD. Nukes, chemicals, germs, he's used them all.

And they still treat him as a criminal case? Why is he not the DCU's equivalent of Osama bin Laden at this point? Why does his showing up anywhere not result in people saying things like 'terror alert to red', 'mobilize the National Guard', 'lock down the city', 'NEST teams on standby', 'CDC biowar response teams on standby', 'Delta Force has been given orders to terminate', etc? Where the hell is the Suicide Squad when you actually NEED them?

(Edit: And I will register my annoyance here at that goddamned "Salvation Run" mini where the Suicide Squad was in fact secretly abducting supervillains... including the Joker... and then teleporting them to an alien prison planet where they had every opportunity to escape from, especially since they were dumb enough to send Lex Luthor there. Yes, send the most brilliant criminal genius in the DCU to an entire planet full of angry supervillains for him to lead. That couldn't possibly go wrong. No need to send Lex to a different planet, all by himself, so that he has nobody else's superpowers to leverage off of to make up for the lack of technological resources he'd need to build a way back. Its just... um, if you're willing to go so monstrously illegal as to kidnap people and exile them to another solar system for life, without trial, why not just teleport them into the sun? It didn't even make any sense by evil logic.)

So yeah, allow me to register my own annoyance at a comic book trope: in the comics, far too often indiscriminate mass murder and attempted mass murder of zillions is treated the same way as would be a simple homicide during an armed robbery: with measured law enforcement response and scrupulous attention paid to your civil rights. As opposed to people actually acting like real people would react to a dude who's tried to use nerve gas to kill the entire United Nations building, or blow up NYC with a neutron bomb, or unleash super-plagues. Hell, as seen in the 'Salvation Run' example above, even when they do throw the rule book out the window, they do so in the stupidest manner possible, melodramatically tying villains to train tracks and twirling their mustaches instead of just shooting them.

 

[A Curious Stranger]

Because the Joker is badass enough to kill Psimon who by all rights should have just exploded his brains.

Yeah, Salvation Run is stupid.

 

[GenocideHeart]

The reason why no one tries to off the Joker is very simple.

He's the only guy who has had any success in making the Batman go absolutely fucking nuts trying to stop him.

Sure you could put a price on his head. But are you willing to run the risk of Joker surviving somehow and then coming after YOU?

Trust me, your life would suck from heaven to hell if that were to happen. No one in DC has the stones to risk getting the Joker mad at them. It greatly, greatly shortens ones lifespan, among other unpleasant things.

 

[Chuckg]

That reasoning explains much, but there are people who actually are entirely willing to match themselves vs. Batman. There's also people who are, shall we say, prone to acting without foresight. Then there's the ones who are too proud to admit to themselves that they fear anyone or anything.

And then there's the people who could just kill him with a button push, or by breathing on him.

And, of course, the people who make decisions by committee and via multiple layers of subordinates, and thus don't fear (whether rightly or wrongly, they still don't fear) being brought to account in person.

 

[GenocideHeart]

That reasoning explains much, but there are people who actually are entirely willing to match themselves vs. Batman. There's also people who are, shall we say, prone to acting without foresight. Then there's the ones who are too proud to admit to themselves that they fear anyone or anything.

And then there's the people who could just kill him with a button push, or by breathing on him.

And, of course, the people who make decisions by committee and via multiple layers of subordinates, and thus don't fear (whether rightly or wrongly, they still don't fear) being brought to account in person.

Being brought to account and being barbarically killed by a psychotic clown prone to horrible torture are different things.

Most crime lords keep their organizations out of Gotham not because they fear Batman, but because they fear EVERYONE ELSE in Gotham. The Penguin, Catwoman, Killer Croc, Zsasz, Bane, the Joker himself...

That's why no one ever got in conflict with him.

Plus, Joker actually keeps some of the other Gotham criminals in check. He actually helped out Batman several times because he was upset at the thought anyone else would kill him... he's so unhinged he accidentally helps justice from time to time, which is convenient for Batman too.

 

[cgobyd]

That reasoning explains much, but there are people who actually are entirely willing to match themselves vs. Batman.? There's also people who are, shall we say, prone to acting without foresight.? Then there's the ones who are too proud to admit to themselves that they fear anyone or anything.

And then there's the people who could just kill him with a button push, or by breathing on him.

And, of course, the people who make decisions by committee and via multiple layers of subordinates, and thus don't fear (whether rightly or wrongly, they still don't fear) being brought to account in person.

Being brought to account and being barbarically killed by a psychotic clown prone to horrible torture are different things.

Most crime lords keep their organizations out of Gotham not because they fear Batman, but because they fear EVERYONE ELSE in Gotham. The Penguin, Catwoman, Killer Croc, Zsasz, Bane, the Joker himself...

That's why no one ever got in conflict with him.

Plus, Joker actually keeps some of the other Gotham criminals in check. He actually helped out Batman several times because he was upset at the thought anyone else would kill him... he's so unhinged he accidentally helps justice from time to time, which is convenient for Batman too.

Every time I've read the batman comics there have always been several crime families.

I mean that is where the who War Games problem came from, there was Mob people helping evacuate people before No-Man's land, Catwoman tangled with two crime families in her first comics run, and Huntress has not only interacted with them, but has even once tried to take them over (IIRC this was in the Birds of Prey run)

 

[Aarik]

Okay, so, we have established that The Joker is immune to any form of retaliation, and no one except the bat clan will even try to do anything about him.

So he's Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, only worse.

But what happens when you, say, throw something like Farslayer at him? A 100% anonymous retribution method that can not fail?

 

[Chuckg]

Being brought to account and being barbarically killed by a psychotic clown prone to horrible torture are different things.

My point was more that while the Joker regularly matches wits with Batman, the Joker is not himself the world's greatest detective: its his chaotic lunacy that keeps Batman from easily tracking him, not the reverse.

So it shouldn't be that impossible to arrange for attempts on the Joker's life via means anonymous enough that he doesn't know who wants him dead.

Cripes, the aforementioned $10 million check to Deathstroke along with a short note ought to do it -- Slade Wilson like hell cares who the client is, or if he will or will not communicate anonymously. (And Slade's made runs at the entire JLA before -- even JLA members who were in a vigilante mood -- so don't tell me he's too terrified of the Joker.)

After all, in 'Fugitive', it turned out that David Cain had been hired by Lex Luthor via an NSA bagman named Amherst via means so indirect that it took Batman himself months of effort plus a titanic stroke of pure luck in his favor to crack that one. The rest of the Bat-Family, combined, had been spinning their wheels futilely all year. Luthor may be the best at these kinds of methods in the villain community, but he does not have a monopoly on them.

 

[sworded]

Being brought to account and being barbarically killed by a psychotic clown prone to horrible torture are different things.

My point was more that while the Joker regularly matches wits with Batman, the Joker is not himself the world's greatest detective: its his chaotic lunacy that keeps Batman from easily tracking him, not the reverse.

So it shouldn't be that impossible to arrange for attempts on the Joker's life via means anonymous enough that he doesn't know who wants him dead.

Cripes, the aforementioned $10 million check to Deathstroke along with a short note ought to do it -- Slade Wilson like hell cares who the client is, or if he will or will not communicate anonymously. (And Slade's made runs at the entire JLA before -- even JLA members who were in a vigilante mood -- so don't tell me he's too terrified of the Joker.)

After all, in 'Fugitive', it turned out that David Cain had been hired by Lex Luthor via an NSA bagman named Amherst via means so indirect that it took Batman himself months of effort plus a titanic stroke of pure luck in his favor to crack that one. The rest of the Bat-Family, combined, had been spinning their wheels futilely all year. Luthor may be the best at these kinds of methods in the villain community, but he does not have a monopoly on them.

For that matter all the prospective killer would need to do would be set Arkhym up to blow with their mass distructive weapon of choice and wait for one of the Bats to drop him off. Boom. Really everyone knows where he will end up eventualy so a little patience for him to show up and then the Joker is toast.

I'd like to add that Ras and his League of Assasins wouldn't fear the Joker at all. I grant you that Ras could keep the Joker around to hell distract Bruce or help trim the human pop down, but the clown has to have f'd up at least some of his Gotham ops. I'd think that removing that particular wild card would have come up at some point.

And the Joker has to have legions of ordinary people who HATE him. Anyone of them might decide to practice with a hunting rifle for a couple months before waiting for the clown to show up at the exercise yard. BANG. Hell, they could even argue a case of self defense based on the continual escapes and murder sprees the Joker goes on. As long as the nut job is alive he is a danger to millions.

 

[Left Shoe]

This

(NSFW)

 

[GenocideHeart]

For that matter all the prospective killer would need to do would be set Arkhym up to blow with their mass distructive weapon of choice and wait for one of the Bats to drop him off. Boom. Really everyone knows where he will end up eventualy so a little patience for him to show up and then the Joker is toast.

And then they have the whole Bat family on their ass like hounds from Hell.

If you recall, Batman doesn't condone Punisher-style executions, and has been known to go after criminals who killed other criminals. Blow Arkham up and you WILL get him on your case. As will killing the Joker.

And that, my friends, is a scenario absolutely no one wants to be in. Nobody wants the goddamn Batman to get on their asses just because they offed a psychotic clown - you'd think he'd be grateful, but he wouldn't. Batman is kind of insane like that...

 

[Aarik]

And yet, I don't think he's ever tried to do anything about The Spectre... Who pretty much does NOTHING BUT Punisher style executions.

Odd that.

Hell, the only reason The Spectre hasn't annihilated the SHIT out of The Joker is that, as far as The Spectre is concerned, being crazy DOES, in fact, exempt you from all punishment.

 

[GenocideHeart]

That's because the Spectre happens to be one of the most broken fuckers out there, last I checked. He's just plain out of Batman's range.

Plus, Batman does have Gotham to take care of first and foremost. If he didn't have his villain gallery keeping him busy, he'd turn his attention to everyone else... meaning no one who's both evil and sane of mind WANTS his villains taken care of.

The one time he didn't have his villains to keep him busy anymore, he became such a gargantuan pain in the ass of everyone else that when the status quo was restored, other villains breathed a sigh of relief.

In short, a large part of why no one offs any of his villains, Joker included, is because nobody wants that to happen again. They'd rather leave him to deal with them, so he's OUT of their way as much as possible.

Also, I find it hilarious that people rag on the Joker still being alive... and not on Batman killing FUCKING DARKSEID with a fucking handgun.

 

[daniel_gudman]

What's the worst Batman's really gonna do to someone for killing the Joker?

This isn't Punisher-style, kill all criminals everywhere just because. We're talking about nailing one specific person for evil deeds on his head specifically.

I really don't think anyone that wouldn't be deterred by the fear of failure and subsequent revenge from the Joker is going to be deterred by Bats. All you'd have to do is look Batman in the eye and say "The Joker killed my wife. Do you really think I'm to blame for this?"

Here's one. Where's the Green Lanterns? Earth has like five and their reason for existing is vigilante justice. They're like privateers given letters of marquee by some galactic flashlight.

I dunno. It just seems like the the Guild, at least, would have dealt with Joker already.

Also, I find it hilarious that people rag on the Joker still being alive... and not on Batman killing FUCKING DARKSEID with a fucking handgun.

This doesn't happen semi-weekly.

 

[Avider]

I thought Joker died in Beyond?

/limited knowledge of comic franchises without end and eternal milking

 

[Chuckg]

And then they have the whole Bat family on their ass like hounds from Hell.

If you recall, Batman doesn't condone Punisher-style executions, and has been known to go after criminals who killed other criminals. Blow Arkham up and you WILL get him on your case. As will killing the Joker.

And that, my friends, is a scenario absolutely no one wants to be in.

Why not? What's Batman going to do? The same thing he does with every other criminal. Arrest them and take them to jail. So all you have to do is surrender to him right after killin' the Joker and he won't even bruise you.

So there you are, under arrest for killin' the Joker. You're going to spend the rest of your life in jail... oh, wait. There is no jury in Gotham City that will ever convict you for this. Gotham's citizens might well throw you a parade.