Nanoha Time Loops

[Shiakou]

Honestly?

One snippet was actually interesting. That was the one with Hayate going berserk.

One snippet was well-written and mildly interesting . . . at first. That was the one where Hayate made her own gateway through time. Despite the cliche opening, it had potential. . . and then my interest went on vacation with the snippet's plot when the porn started.

Every other snippet I've read so far felt more like half-hearted excuses for OOC yuri lemons. Lemons which have been done to death with those same characters in dozens of fanfics and doujins.

It's strange. I read Sakura/Tomoyo shojo-ai and get warm fuzzy feelings. I read Neptune/Uranus fics and get a sense of plot lightly spiced with sexual titillation.

I read Nanoha yuri and I begin thinking that Naruto/Sasuke isn't so bad after all.

Here's a couple of things;

1. If you're going to start from when the characters are children, a little developing romance wouldn't hurt. If a fic starts with Nanoha/Fate as already a done deal, it's automatic shipping bed death. Show some drama instead. Relationships are serious business; homosexual ones even more so. How would the characters react if they discovered or decided to be in such a relationship? Not everyone is going to be happy or understanding, and some of them will have very good reasons for being so.

2. Come up with something original. What makes this story different from other stories out there? Is it going to be interesting to people or are you only writing for die-hard fans of a certain pairing, fandom, setting, or characterization? Is it the kind of difference that will make it a story to remember or another? If you're going to write Nano/Fate, remember that there is already a ton of Nano/Fate out there and yours better stand out for the right reasons.

P.S. If your story is meant to be crack, ignore everything I've written and I'll ignore your story.

 

[ecs05norway]

The default assumption in the 'loopfics' so far seems to be 'crack'.

 

[bissek]

The greatest possible source of crack in this series will be when Vivio starts hitting the fused loops. After all, in the most recent Vivio manga, it was revealed that she invented a spell that allows her to assume adult form whenever she wants to, and her promise to Nanoha-mama about when it is appropriate to use that spell might not really be applicable in other realities.

 

[MyLittlePwnies]

*currently stroking chin thoughtfully*

Honestly, I know that the second snippet was really too crackish and I wrote it in a semi sort of rage at an earlier effort at a start in which I twirled around grimdark with ridiculous plot elements and then promptly took a right turn into insanity - which I read back over and decided that if I was a person reading that I'd be going "just WTF has this guy been smoking."

Trying to figure out how I'd work up to say a TSAB civil war. Anything else crack related I'll dump into here.

 

[Prince Charon]

Every other snippet I've read so far felt more like half-hearted excuses for OOC yuri lemons. Lemons which have been done to death with those same characters in dozens of fanfics and doujins.

How do you get OOC yuri lemon out of mine, or Nanya's first one, for that matter? Its canon that Fate and Nanoha sometimes (often?) share a bed, whether they do anything more than sleep, or not, and I very seriously doubt Fate is going to have any sort of sex with Precia, at all.

 

[Nanya]

Every other snippet I've read so far felt more like half-hearted excuses for OOC yuri lemons. Lemons which have been done to death with those same characters in dozens of fanfics and doujins.

How do you get OOC yuri lemon out of mine, or Nanya's first one, for that matter? Its canon that Fate and Nanoha sometimes (often?) share a bed, whether they do anything more than sleep, or not, and I very seriously doubt Fate is going to have any sort of sex with Precia, at all.

And, besides, when it was complained to me about the one I wrote...

WHAT is Nanoha's Standard MO to making friends?

Blow them up.

And Vita, at times, can come off as a bit of a brat.

Really, what I wrote could've been interpreted either way.

 

[Nanya]

Okay, enough complaining. Here's something more.

And I'll add onto it later on.

Groaning as she woke up, Fate blinked as she looked around, noting nothing but grass and trees. "This isn't Section Six." She muttered and sighed. These loops were starting to get annoying. And that was only counting all the loops she was a part of. 'Man, I really feel sorry for Ranma, Ichigo and Naruto.' She sighed, she really needed to make it up to those three after what she did to them on her first fused loop into Hogwarts.

Standing up, she frowned as she couldn't feel any links to Nanoha, Hayate, Aruf, or anyone else. 'What the heck happened?' She sighed, looking down at herself, dressed in her blue cargo pants, boots and black shirt. Had she gotten booted to another loop when she wasn't looking? At least it was better than waking up in loops when she had been chained to the ceiling. Waking up only to be wipped by Precia wasn't a pleasant sensation in the slightest. At least she still had Bardiche, that much was comforting as she rubbed her hand, fingers trailing over the metallic device. "Where am I now?" She asked herself as she shrugged, picked a direction and walked off. At least the day was peaceful... Or was, as a bunch of creatures, about a head taller than her, popped out of the ground, all of them brown, weilding clubs and wearing just loincloths. "...Goblins?" She asked no one in particular. "Whatever." She muttered as she tossed up her device. "Bardiche, set up."

"Yes, sir. Standbye ready." In a flash, she was in her standard enforcer outfit and had Bardiche in its axe form. She smirked slightly. Oh, this wouldn't take long.

The Goblins blinked as the human that they had gotten the jump on had changed her clothes. Most people travelling alone never changed clothes. Oh well, no one could accuse them of having brains as they charged the mage.

"Scythe form." Bardiche said calmly as the axe popped out, a yellow magical scythe came into view as Fate grinned softly and went to town. The poor Goblins had no chance against her speed, skill or power.

"Wow, impressive." She heard a female voice speak after she was done with the Goblins. Quickly spinning around, she blinked as she saw a large, and by large, well, she hadn't seen ANY woman that large before. The yellow cloak over her dark-skinned and red haired frame did nothing to hide the muscles, well, from what she could see from the front, that were underneath. Hell, Fate had seen brick walls less solid than that woman looked. "Louie, I think we could replace you with her."

"Oh, come on, Genie, I've gotten better." Fate blinked as a man with long blue hair, at least as large, though not quite as ripped, stepped up behind the woman. She could feel the magic rolling off of him. He wasn't powerful, well, compared to her, but it was still noticable, at least compared to the woman next to him. He was wearing a cloak over a green tunic with brown chest armor.

"Yeaaahhh..." A small brown haired girl, wearing leggings, a blue mini-skirt, a blue vest over a light purple shirt smirked. "She took down those goblins a lot easier than you ever could have."

"Oh, come on guys. I know I'm not the best, but couldn't you cut me some slack?"

"Even though it is against my will, we still have to put up with Louie, as he is my champion." A rich-looking blond woman dressed in a white dress sighed as she slumped.

Fate blinked and cracked a smile, wondering just why this seemed so familiar to her.

 

[pjanimation]

This isn't ringing any bells. What series is this from?

 

[trevelyan1983]

Precia Testorossa.? The bitch who made her, and who made her first nine years a living hell.? Worse, the woman who had made her believe she deserved that hell.

It's a little late, and the problem here is so endemic to the fandom that this is probably worthless, but . . .

Charon? That's not Fate talking. It's you.

Evil, horrific monster though she was, Precia was Fate's mother. A decade of abuse wasn't enough to make Fate hate her, being befriended by Nanoha wasn't enough to make Fate hate her, and the Book of Darkness' illusion of normalcy wasn't enough to make Fate hate her.

If you want me to buy Fate being that consumed by rage at the thought of seeing Precia again, you'll need to work much, much harder. I'd imagine she'd be much happier about the opportunity to save her mother using superior firepower, as well as using the greater insight into Precia and Alicia that her experiences in A's and StrikerS has given her, to short-circuit Precia's butthurt.

But, hey. Whatever floats your boat, man.

 

[Nanya]

This isn't ringing any bells. What series is this from?

Rune Soldier Louie

 

[Shiakou]

Every other snippet I've read so far felt more like half-hearted excuses for OOC yuri lemons. Lemons which have been done to death with those same characters in dozens of fanfics and doujins.

How do you get OOC yuri lemon out of mine, or Nanya's first one, for that matter? Its canon that Fate and Nanoha sometimes (often?) share a bed, whether they do anything more than sleep, or not, and I very seriously doubt Fate is going to have any sort of sex with Precia, at all.

You and Nanya made Fate an emo yangire! Granted, she has every right to be one, and Precia deserves the beating, but it's still OOC for Fate. Instead it reminded me of a Linkin Park song. Several songs.

Fate is the girl who, even after all the shit Precia put her through, was still willing to turn her back on Nanoha, her other newfound friends, and the TSAB, just for a chance with Precia. The most powerful force she faced in the second season was an illusion of the life she wanted with Precia. Now I don't have all the Audio Dramas, and I still haven't read Vivid or Force, but I'm pretty sure that Fate has never been shown to have any resentment towards Precia. Certainly not enough for Fate to maul Precia.

And technically, most, if not all, of Fate's childhood memories were modified or transplanted from Alicia. We don't know how old she really is, if her growth was accelerated, or if she was in stasis for some time.

And, besides, when it was complained to me about the one I wrote...

WHAT is Nanoha's Standard MO to making friends?

Blow them up.

And Vita, at times, can come off as a bit of a brat.

Really, what I wrote could've been interpreted either way.

Nanoha's standard M.O. is to try and talk to them first. If they don't listen, then she might blow them up. She fought on the defensive during her first fight with Vita because she didn't want to fight someone without knowing the reason they were fighting first. She never held a grudge against Vita for anything. So while we might see Vita as something as a brat who needs a bit of punishment, Nanoha does not.

What do we know about canon Nanoha?
-She's kind to a fault, even towards her enemies. While we've seen anger, we've seen no malice in her actions. She blows up her enemies only if it's the most effective way, not because her enemies deserve it.
-She does not take offense over modesty. Not to Yuuno, not to Fate, not to anyone in her nakama.

What do we know about canon Fate?
-She's about the gentlest character on the show. She enjoys sparring, but not violence. She doesn't hold a grudge.
-She has a soft spot for kids, orphans, and social outcasts. Possibly because they remind them of herself. That includes Precia.
-She's starved for affection. She would have done anything to have a real family when she was a child. By mid-teens she was already forming her own. She often responds with surprise or shyness to any overt sign of affection towards her.

 

[Nanya]

Yeah, I know.

I know.

Meh, got caught up in the moment when i wrote some of those snippets.

Really, if I wrote a stand-alone fanfiction of nanoha (and believe me, I'm thinking of doing that.), yeah, I'd try to keep them closer to canon.

For the Time Loops, tho...

Really, just some excuses, at times, to write characters being OOC without really justifying it.

Not always the best, but fun in some cases.

As for the loop I wrote using Nanoha there...

i was thinking more in line with the 4-Koma version of Nanoha being influenced/corrupted by Raising Heart.

and Raising Heart, in the 4-Komas, keeps saying "Blast at Full Power, destroy them all"

 

[holyknight]

Yeah, I know.

I know.

Meh, got caught up in the moment when i wrote some of those snippets.

Really, if I wrote a stand-alone fanfiction of nanoha (and believe me, I'm thinking of doing that.), yeah, I'd try to keep them closer to canon.

For the Time Loops, tho...

Really, just some excuses, at times, to write characters being OOC without really justifying it.

Not always the best, but fun in some cases.

As for the loop I wrote using Nanoha there...

i was thinking more in line with the 4-Koma version of Nanoha being influenced/corrupted by Raising Heart.

and Raising Heart, in the 4-Komas, keeps saying "Blast at Full Power, destroy them all"

......Now i just had an image of Raising heart, containing a certain Furball, or part of said Nine-Tailed Furball, and "corrupting" little (and unknowing)Nanoha on a Loop.....

 

[toraneko]

i was thinking more in line with the 4-Koma version of Nanoha being influenced/corrupted by Raising Heart.

Like, say, this one?

Because those are non-canon fanworks.

(Yes, I know, I'm beating a dead horse, but the thought that someone might come across them and think they're official... it irks me.)


Now, back to the topic.

If Fate looped and wanted to derail Precia's plans, all she'd really have to do would be to alert the TSAB as soon as the opportunity presents itself. This would succeed in one of two things:

1. Get Precia locked up in a mental care institution, which would give Fate a chance at helping Mommy to snap the hell out of her madness - and really, Fate would try her damnedest to at least give her the chance to do so.

2. If that doesn't work, it will certainly look better on Fate's record with the Bureau, meaning she could reunite with Nanoha and friends on Earth much sooner.

2 would also present the possibility of helping Hayate with the Book of Darkness, whether Hayate's looping or not. If it was 1, though, Fate would stay on Midchilda to visit with Precia as often as possible.

 

[Nanya]

i was thinking more in line with the 4-Koma version of Nanoha being influenced/corrupted by Raising Heart.

Like, say, this one?

Because those are non-canon fanworks.

(Yes, I know, I'm beating a dead horse, but the thought that someone might come across them and think they're official... it irks me.)

Yeah.

I've read all the 4-Koma that were in the As and StrikerS manga. They're on Mangafox. And they aren't canon, that's for sure, but it's funny for the Loops here.

Now, back to the topic.

If Fate looped and wanted to derail Precia's plans, all she'd really have to do would be to alert the TSAB as soon as the opportunity presents itself. This would succeed in one of two things:

1. Get Precia locked up in a mental care institution, which would give Fate a chance at helping Mommy to snap the hell out of her madness - and really, Fate would try her damnedest to at least give her the chance to do so.

2. If that doesn't work, it will certainly look better on Fate's record with the Bureau, meaning she could reunite with Nanoha and friends on Earth much sooner.

2 would also present the possibility of helping Hayate with the Book of Darkness, whether Hayate's looping or not. If it was 1, though, Fate would stay on Midchilda to visit with Precia as often as possible.

Actually was thinking something similar.

The only thing stopping me was trying to figure out how she could have changed things that happened. (Especially with the way I was going to do it.)

Though, if it was a more serious loop... (or a stand-alone fic), I think one of the more important things Fate would do would try to stop Nanoha from pushing herself too hard to avoid certain events in canon...

Of course, she knows Nanoha's personal training course that was set up so that others could avoid the same problems that she went through...

*Has a funny image of chibi-Fate training a chibi-Nanoha while Benny Hill music plays in the background.*

 

[bissek]

Vivio's first loop:

Vivio woke up. Looking around, she saw that she was not in her room. She was in an infirmary somewhere. All of her things were missing except for the bunny plushie than Nanoha-mama had given her when they first met.

Where was she? Where were her mamas? Vivio got out of bed and went to look for them.

After wandering through the corridors for a time, Vivio spotted one of her mamas, walking with several of her friends.

"Mama!" She cried out, clinging to her adoptive mother.

Her mother and her friends froze and looked at her as if she was a total stranger.

"I didn't know you had a daughter, Fate-chan." Hayate said. "You should have told us so we could have sent her something for her birthdays."

"I-I..." Fate-mama stuttered.

"I can see the resemblance in the shape of the face and the color of one eye." Signum said.

"Then judging by the hair color and the color of the other eye, the father is... Yuuno?" Shamal added.

"Is there something you haven't told us, Fate-chan?" Hayate asked.

Vivio was worried. What was going on?

 

[GhostElder]

Well if you really wanted someone to get at Precia.... There's always Aruf, maybe not strait out combat though, get a bit more cunning. Maybe she get's a fused loop and sees some pranks done, get's ideas. Well neither she or Fate will be punished if it seems like a freak accident, and never more than a few in a loop. Aruf's vengeance is slow but sure, and heralded by Precia's favorite toiletries spontaneously exploding.

 

[Nanya]

Vivio's first loop:

Vivio woke up. Looking around, she saw that she was not in her room. She was in an infirmary somewhere. All of her things were missing except for the bunny plushie than Nanoha-mama had given her when they first met.

Where was she? Where were her mamas? Vivio got out of bed and went to look for them.

After wandering through the corridors for a time, Vivio spotted one of her mamas, walking with several of her friends.

"Mama!" She cried out, clinging to her adoptive mother.

Her mother and her friends froze and looked at her as if she was a total stranger.

"I didn't know you had a daughter, Fate-chan." Hayate said. "You should have told us so we could have sent her something for her birthdays."

"I-I..." Fate-mama stuttered.

"I can see the resemblance in the shape of the face and the color of one eye." Signum said.

"Then judging by the hair color and the color of the other eye, the father is... Yuuno?" Shamal added.

"Is there something you haven't told us, Fate-chan?" Hayate asked.

Vivio was worried. What was going on?

Funny, but... Aww... Poor Vivio. No one to explain things to her.

 

[biigoh]

1
2
3

Reminds me of this for some reason...

 

[Prince Charon]

1
2
3

Reminds me of this for some reason...?

Um, wasn't Nanoha the one she mostly calls mother?

As for Fate's OOCness in the OP, its been a while since I saw the original, I've never seen the last few episodes of StrikerS, and just because its the first Loop that this Fate remembers, doesn't mean that someone in the previous loop didn't decide that creating the desire to lay a smackdown on Precia would be good for Fate's mental health.

Note that she still calls Precia 'Mother' at the end. I perhaps should have made it clearer that she didn't intend to literally kill Precia, and I doubt Nanya intended her to, either.

 

[Nanya]

1
2
3

Reminds me of this for some reason...á

Um, wasn't Nanoha the one she mostly calls mother?

As for Fate's OOCness in the OP, its been a while since I saw the original, I've never seen the last few episodes of StrikerS, and just because its the first Loop that this Fate remembers, doesn't mean that someone in the previous loop didn't decide that creating the desire to lay a smackdown on Precia would be good for Fate's mental health.

Note that she still calls Precia 'Mother' at the end. I perhaps should have made it clearer that she didn't intend to literally kill Precia, and I doubt Nanya intended her to, either.

When Vivio went "Mama" in StrikerS, BOTH Fate and Nanoha responded by going "Yes?"

So, they're both her mamas.

 

[Shiakou]

1
2
3

Reminds me of this for some reason...á

Um, wasn't Nanoha the one she mostly calls mother?

As for Fate's OOCness in the OP, its been a while since I saw the original, I've never seen the last few episodes of StrikerS, and just because its the first Loop that this Fate remembers, doesn't mean that someone in the previous loop didn't decide that creating the desire to lay a smackdown on Precia would be good for Fate's mental health.

Note that she still calls Precia 'Mother' at the end. I perhaps should have made it clearer that she didn't intend to literally kill Precia, and I doubt Nanya intended her to, either.

When Vivio went "Mama" in StrikerS, BOTH Fate and Nanoha responded by going "Yes?"

So, they're both her mamas.

StrikerS timeline, they're both her mamas.

The thing about Nanoha being Vivio's (single) mother was from the later sound stages. I guess they retconned it out. That or Fate changed her mind later about having another daughter.

Either way, by Vivid, Vivio thinks of Fate as a mother (again?) as well.

I hate timeskips. Everytime we get a new season, I'm left wondering what the hell happened and why the characters are acting a bit differently.

 

[toraneko]

Last I'd heard, Vivid was supposed to be an alternate continuity spinoff, with Force as the mainline continuation.

 

[Shiakou]

Last I'd heard, Vivid was supposed to be an alternate continuity spinoff, with Force as the mainline continuation.

A canon AU? :huh:

I don't know how to react. Better just read both first.

 

[drakensis]

Jail Scaglietti's face appeared on the screen. The scientist's face showed his usual good cheer and bonhomie... almost. It was a good act, but those who knew him could see an odd note of strain to maintaining the expression.

"I have good news, no, excellent news," Jail proclaimed. "Unfortunately, I also have bad - no, make that terrible news."

There was a long pause and then: "What's the good news."

"The clone of the Saint Regina is right here, I'm sitting within a metre of her right at this very moment!"

"That really is excellent news, well done! Uh... what is the terrible news."

"She's, heh... haha. She's holding me hostage," admitted the 'rogue' scientist in an embarassed voice.

"What!?"

The display jerked suddenly to show the close up face of a little girl with one red and one green eye. She looked to be about four, maybe five years old. "I want my mamas!" she demanded, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "I want Mama-Fate and Mama-Nanoha and Auntie Hayate and if you meanies don't get them right now then I'm gonna be- befnd, befriend this nasty person all over the walls."

"...we'll start looking for them right away."