Honestly?
One snippet was actually interesting. That was the one with Hayate going berserk.
One snippet was well-written and mildly interesting . . . at first. That was the one where Hayate made her own gateway through time. Despite the cliche opening, it had potential. . . and then my interest went on vacation with the snippet's plot when the porn started.
Every other snippet I've read so far felt more like half-hearted excuses for OOC yuri lemons. Lemons which have been done to death with those same characters in dozens of fanfics and doujins.
It's strange. I read Sakura/Tomoyo shojo-ai and get warm fuzzy feelings. I read Neptune/Uranus fics and get a sense of plot lightly spiced with sexual titillation.
I read Nanoha yuri and I begin thinking that Naruto/Sasuke isn't so bad after all.
Here's a couple of things;
1. If you're going to start from when the characters are children, a little developing romance wouldn't hurt. If a fic starts with Nanoha/Fate as already a done deal, it's automatic shipping bed death. Show some drama instead. Relationships are serious business; homosexual ones even more so. How would the characters react if they discovered or decided to be in such a relationship? Not everyone is going to be happy or understanding, and some of them will have very good reasons for being so.
2. Come up with something original. What makes this story different from other stories out there? Is it going to be interesting to people or are you only writing for die-hard fans of a certain pairing, fandom, setting, or characterization? Is it the kind of difference that will make it a story to remember or another? If you're going to write Nano/Fate, remember that there is already a ton of Nano/Fate out there and yours better stand out for the right reasons.
P.S. If your story is meant to be crack, ignore everything I've written and I'll ignore your story.
One snippet was actually interesting. That was the one with Hayate going berserk.
One snippet was well-written and mildly interesting . . . at first. That was the one where Hayate made her own gateway through time. Despite the cliche opening, it had potential. . . and then my interest went on vacation with the snippet's plot when the porn started.
Every other snippet I've read so far felt more like half-hearted excuses for OOC yuri lemons. Lemons which have been done to death with those same characters in dozens of fanfics and doujins.
It's strange. I read Sakura/Tomoyo shojo-ai and get warm fuzzy feelings. I read Neptune/Uranus fics and get a sense of plot lightly spiced with sexual titillation.
I read Nanoha yuri and I begin thinking that Naruto/Sasuke isn't so bad after all.
Here's a couple of things;
1. If you're going to start from when the characters are children, a little developing romance wouldn't hurt. If a fic starts with Nanoha/Fate as already a done deal, it's automatic shipping bed death. Show some drama instead. Relationships are serious business; homosexual ones even more so. How would the characters react if they discovered or decided to be in such a relationship? Not everyone is going to be happy or understanding, and some of them will have very good reasons for being so.
2. Come up with something original. What makes this story different from other stories out there? Is it going to be interesting to people or are you only writing for die-hard fans of a certain pairing, fandom, setting, or characterization? Is it the kind of difference that will make it a story to remember or another? If you're going to write Nano/Fate, remember that there is already a ton of Nano/Fate out there and yours better stand out for the right reasons.
P.S. If your story is meant to be crack, ignore everything I've written and I'll ignore your story.