Pure Crackfic!

[Luthorne]

Sundered Lily? (Yuri means lily, our groups have been separated...)

Reunion? (Hopefully obvious...)

Cheesecake? (Cheesecake...fanservice...)

Angelbrew? (To brew something is to create something...angels are heavenly...)

Weary Soul? (Balm for our weary, battle-hardened souls...)

Hmm, that's all I can think of off the top of my head...

 

[Daneel Rush]

"Gee, it's good to know I'm appreciated, but, seriously. I get here and it's straight to work." I mutter as I skim the first in the pile of papers Yami-chan by my side carries effortlessly. Something about a failed test run of a new Mammoth-class four-legged walker.

Seriously, that's what you get for using Chinese bolts. Cheap bastards.

I must admit, it's weird to be back here after so many years. The walls are familiar, but I see nothing but unknown faces. Even worse, it's just one-sided. I don't know anyone here, but it's obvious everyone knows me. It's bothersome, being the center of so much attention.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ah, my old office. Just like I left you: completely empty.

No problem. You will be a mess of paperwork in less than 24 hours.

A knock on the door announces a newcomer.

Note to self: give my kudos to whoever works at the recruitment office. Hot Damn. I bet she looks great in black. Lace, not leather. And whatÆs with the sailor uniform, anyway? Not that IÆm complaining.

The moment she sees me, a lovely line of crimson traces her cheeks. Sigh. I guess IÆll have to get used to that. Since when did I become some sort of army legend? IÆm just a scientist, damn it.
ôAhàMajor Rushàsir.ö Her voice is soft and velvety. ItÆs the voice of a diplomat, not a woman of science. ôWe-welcome to OmegaàI meanàwelcome back.ö

I guess IÆll have to put some effort in showing IÆm still an ordinary human. And I really need to look away from Yami-chan right now. WhatÆs with that face? ItÆs scary. Lolis should scowl.

ôThank you very much. It feelsàgood, to be back, IÆll admit. IÆll have to get used to all the new faces, though.ö

I have yet to see any of my former underlings at Omega.

ôAhàso-sorryàö The white-haired beauty dropped her face in sincere shame. I roll my eyes.
ôItÆs not your faultàwho might you be anyway, dear?ö

Her face gets even redder at this, but she manages a shy smile before bowing almost ninety degrees. My back also feels awfully cold for some reason.
ôArmada Omega, Assistant Chief and Manager of Logistics, Kusugawa Sasara, sir! Very pleased to meet you!ö

I canÆt help but blink at that. This is my second-in-command? My right hand? My support and personal assistant?

Fuck yeah!

Note to self: get her in a French maid outfit by the end of the week.

 

[byakuryuu]

For the sake of talking:

Project Tankoubon

Project Paperback

 

[Daneel Rush]

After getting past the fangirl stage and making sure she stops stuttering and blushing (not that it isnÆt cute, though), Sasara-chan easily proves she deserves her place. Definitely much better than my previous assistant.

Sure, Urahara is beyond brilliant, but logistics simply is not a part of his dictionary.

Sasara-chan walks in front of me. Yami-chan, still carrying the pile of reports, walks by my side. Sasara-chan had read my mind somehow and arranged a meeting with the Section Chiefs of Omega. I had to meet my most immediate underlings as soon as possible, after all.

The reports IÆm supposed to be reading make for perfect cover to watch the flutter of Sasara-chanÆs little red skirt as she walks. Nice.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I suppressed the urge to punch someone when I was received with a standing ovation the moment I walked into the meeting room.

I suppressed the urge to punch Rinzu when she welcomed me with a triumphant smirk. Yeah, I got it. I came. You won. Bitch.

Apparently the strict uniform code of the TFF forces does not apply to Omega. Rinzu is wearing her tight little white uniform like the prim and proper princess she is, but everyone else is pretty much wearing whatever they want. Not that IÆm complaining. IÆm wearing the badass dark blue cape Vice-President GenocideHeart gave me when I was given the rank of Major.

Now that I think about it, wearing the badass cape was probably not a good idea.

IÆm seated at the head of the large rectangular table. I always hated this table. It made me, the Chief, feel like I was looking down at everyone else. But whatever. Even if we were using a round table, the puppy dog looks of adoration IÆm getting would have still made me feel like a jerk. LetÆs just get to work.

I look at my Chief of High-Power Systems. ôàIkariàis it?ö
ôYes, sir.ö The short-haired teenager responded unhesitatingly. Only in TFF a fourteen-year-old can be the leader of a team of the universeÆs most talented engineers.

Only in TFF. But thatÆs not the immediate issue.
ôIkariàShinjiàis it?ö
ôYes sir.ö
ôNo relation to the Ikari Shinji of The Great Gothia.ö
ôNo sir.ö
ôNo relation to Ikari YuiÆs son, Ikari Shinji.ö
ôNo sir.ö
ôNo relation to the Ikari Shinji of the Bolo Squad.ö DonÆt ask how I already know that. IÆm just that awesome.
ôNo sir.ö
ôEven if you look exactly the same.ö
ôYes sir.ö

Why do I get the feeling Luthorne has something to do with this?

 

[byakuryuu]

I... have discovered the perfect theme song for the TFF Forces:

Search for Robotech Theme: Battlecry Remixed and listen.

Acknowledgement? Thank Harmony Gold.

The Touch by Stan Bush came close, but it was too Messiah-oriented.

And Dare was too Rock n Roll to be a staple Theme Song.

/-/

Look out soon, an issue of the OFFICIAL TFFverse is coming your way!

TFFverse- Published every Sunday.

 

[Jim Starluck]

Space-time trembled, almost as if in anticipation. The ripples grew quickly in intensity and scope, becoming progressively more violent until the very fabric of the universe was ripped asunder in many places like a rubber sheet pulled taut in too many directions at once. Out of the hundreds of gaps in reality poured light, radiation, energy and, most importantly, a huge fleet of starships.

Admiral James Starluck watched the central tactical display and pondered while the command staff waited for the blinding radiation of their hyper-transit to fade, which would allow their sensors to sweep the system. In theory Sector H-187 was friendly territory, but TFF Intelligence had intercepted information pointing towards enemy action here and now all communication had been lost. ETF-34 was escorting a smaller fleet of TFF troopships to recapture the planet if necessary, or simply secure it if not. Jim was rather pessimistic on that front; one did not normally lose communications with a supposedly-secure stronghold unless something was afoot.

"Hyper-points closing," announced Kaisera. "Initiating sweep." The fleet's networked sensor arrays scrutinized a distant volume of space with resolution that would put high-end electron microscopes to shame. "Contact, multiple contacts, distance two-point-seven-five light hours. They appear to be holding geosynchronous orbit over the planet."

"Numbers?" asked Jim. No allied space forces were supposed to be in the area; the planet was low-tech and largely oblivious to the conflict raging around it, so explaining an armada of starships in orbit would have been awkward.

Kaisera responded immediately. "Approximately fifteen thousand, roughly two-thirds of them cruiser-mass or better."

"Hmm." Jim frowned as the tactical display updated to show the enemy force. They out-numbered ETF-34 by nearly thirty to one, but he had an edge in capital and supercapital ships that went a long way towards evening the odds.

"Getting visual intel... now." The larger bridge holodisplay changed from navigational to visual, focusing on the distant planet and magnifying a thousand fold to bring the enemy forces into view. When Jim and Greystar saw the unknown ships directly they both groaned.

"That explains it. It's not an invasion force, it's a local uprising," said Greystar. "Must've corrupted them with the promise of... well, their very own space fleet."

"Yes, that explains it all," agreed Jim. It was a sad fact that many fanboys were easily swayed by the empty promises of YAOI when they did not run contrary to their own beliefs and desires. "Well, nothing for it. Kaisera, begin plotting your jump. Take us in close; they've got longer range than we do but we'll hit harder."

"Acknowledged," said the AI. Her eyes closed and began moving about rapidly under their lids; her standard "thinking" indicator. A handful of seconds later they snapped open again. "Jump plotted, all ships standing by."

"Execute."

"Executing jump." Vanguard's powerful gravitic jump drives began to thrumm with power as they began their charge-up sequence, along with every other ship in the fleet.

"You know, it occurs to me..." said a new voice--Jim turned to see Jezzara floating in mid-air, laying on her side, munching from a bucket of popcorn--"that they might have just convinced Her to create this without even realizing it."

"Perhaps," said Jim, nodding. It was entirely possible, given who they were talking about. "But who's their agent? Who could get close enough to Her to--" he blinked, as both Greystar and Jezzara were giving him "duh" looks, and then he figured it out as well. "Oh. Of course." He facepalmed. "How did we not see that one coming?"

Greystar shrugged. "He didn't incriminate himself directly before this, and we can't very well go around executing anyone we suspect might harbor some alliegance to YAOI. There are plenty of characters out there who are just effeminate. Hell, just imagine all the bishis rising up in revolt. We'd be driving them right into the arms of the enemy."

Then all discussion stopped as the fleet's jump drives reached their crescendo and the armada shot off towards its target at several hundred times the speed of light.






A dozen catgirls if you can guess what 'verse I'm in and who I'm about to fight. B)

 

[Daneel Rush]

Uhh...Koizumi Itsuki's yaoi fangirl space fleet?

 

[Jim Starluck]

Close, but not quite. You get one catgirl for partial credit.

 

[GroundWorm]

After the unfortunate accident with the new Mammoth MK V, which involved crappy Chinese bolts and the loss of a leg, I am now here lying on this crappy bed in medical bay thinking who the hell got it into his mind to use CHINESE bolts for a 200 ton walker and most of all where the hell is that doctor! Ouch. No I need to remain calm if I move my arm hurts... and my leg... and... Well it hurts everywhere. I could only sigh. First thing I'm gonna do when I'm out of here is find that Chief mechanic and ask what the hell he was thinking of using those bolts! Probably was fucking his second-in-command or something... lucky bastard...

But the moments it actually worked was heaven. The power I had at my disposal was just unbelievable! I could have with one button completely destroyed the whole complex! I wonder if this is the feeling of commanders who have large amounts of nukes or Ion cannons under their command.

A well it wasn't really that bad of a morning... Only bad thing actually was the accident. A finally the door is opening! Hopefully it's the doctor... or even better a hot nurse. I could only blink when I saw it was some old guy... Though he does seem familiarà Probably seen him in some book back in the academy.

"Hey! You old guy; your the doctor? What the hell took you so long!?"

 

[Marquis Le'Quack]

The Barney/Naruto Crossover is officially over. No more from me (thank the gods!). This rpg, however, is funny and it, well, it allows us to honor somebody everybody in the world should pay homage to at one point or another in their lives. That person was Gary Gygax, and while I'm certain most of you had already heard the news, Gary Gygax failed his fortitude save.

(For those of you who aren't in the know, Gygax invented Dungeons & Dragons.)

**********

... ...

Incoming Transmission from somewhere outside the omniverse.

... ...

File is higly corrupted. Engaging intial recovery protocol.

...

Protocols engaged. File is fragmented, but clean.

...

Coded text: cleared for officigdfsgdgzzzzzzzz

Admission Topicxzcvbiposdf123sdf!

Rerouting... ...

File defragmented. Awaiting clearance... ...

Clearance Recieved. Opening file.

File appears to have been sent from a highly active electromagnetic area. On further consideration and debate it is concluded that it has come from a ground zero planet.

**********

Brzzt... I re...eat... kchhchch-is is Serpezztkch ... Co... Fcchkome in, co...me in, ...you read ...e? Ove...

Se..ding top se... file. Con... ...for...tion regar.... ..he coll... of the ... ... bzzzzzzzzzzzt destruction.

**********

File appears to have an attachment.

Opening attachment.

**********

Operation: Project Writer's Block

Clearance: Tier 4 and above.

Status: Succesfully completed

**********

Regarding troop movements in new fandoms. We have red alert! I repeat we have red alert!

Koutaru is an infiltrator! I have found references through supply and auxiliary records that recruitment is running high through the Negima Yaoi Troopers. Immediate quarantine and brainwashing of the infiltrator is a must.

Remove all teacher/student inhibitions from Negi. He must remain true to his class.

Further information regarding enemy troop movements:

Yaoi have plans to launch yet another barrage against the Elemental Countries Defence Perimeter. Again, it will featured numerous princes and mangaka - like in the last attacks. With Uchiha Itachi's defeat, the arrogance of He-who-should-no-exist has trebled in its entirety.

The Metroid galaxy has seen the first blossoms of Yuri. Obviously, if we need to contact the Yuri Coalition - or at least find a way to gain communications with them - it would have to start here. There is a stable defense force already in place, the only serious active threat existing currently are the Space Pirates.

While not of Yaoi, they have ties to the organization. They are the ones mainly responsible for the increase in scientific developments our enemy had surprisingly obtained. Now we know why.

Yaoi are - for the moment - leaving the Metroid Galaxy alone. With the recent ressurection of Dark Samus, more and more members of the Yuri Coalition have resumed their operations in that sector.

Second report. I have found and confirmed reports that the purple Dinosaur - known to many as Barney, and to the enlightened as the Evil One? - has retracted his offer of alliance to the Yaoi fandoms and has permanently left this thread.

Third report. In the worst emergencies - when Yaoi threatens to destroy all that is held dear - there is one surefire way to temporarily convert the heretics and disbelievers before terminating their cursed existence. It has been theorized that Yaoi fangirls are adverse to Yaoi.

Apparently, not so. You see, the trick is- from here on out the message is increasingly and increasingly corrupted and mangled to the point that it ends up as a recipe for appetizers

Take two paprikas, slice them into quarters, and then place them in a buttered frying pan.

Take 1 tomato and slice it as you would bread. Place it alongside the paprika in the frying pan and wait for a few minutes.

Thereafter, take a dollop of Philedelphia Cream Cheese, put it on the paprika, and then cover it with the frying tomato.

Pour a tea spoon of fresh water onto the frying pan, before covering it.

Wait 5 minutes for the assemblage to steam.

Upon completion, serve hot. Add some pepper on top, and maybe a little bit of Virgin Olive Oil (depending on your tastes).

The message continues normally from here on out

-nd that is how victory would be achieved.

Serpest out.

**********

Alert! Alert! Hidden file detected. Has infiltrated the initial security locks, but has not engaged in malicious activity.

File is revea-

Operation: Of Our Parallel Lives

Clearance: Non-classified

Status: Transmission active from tomorrow onwards.

(Just thought I'd do a bit of shameless advertising there.
Well, and I thought, it wouldn't be fair to hold vital information and not give you anything in return. Bon apetit! :angel

 

[Daneel Rush]

Sigh.

Seriously, why do people overreact so much? I just proposed a possible way to power mechas with electro-plasma systems and thisàIkari boy is looking at me like IÆm some sort of God. I guess that, more than the idea itself, heÆs surprised by the fact I actually read the report on the current state of his Armada Omega Engine Development Team. What can I say? IÆm a fast reader, and I sure as hell wasnÆt showing up here knowing absolutely nothing!

Well, despite IkariÆs look of adoration, right now IÆm enjoying myself. It feels surprisingly good to dish out at Rinzu for the little blunder with the Mammoth Mk. V. Speaking of that, I really should take a few minutes to visit the prototype tester, itÆs the least I can do.
ôEven if weÆre low on budget, Kuroda-san. We. Do. Not. Use. Anything. But. The Best. This kind of blunder is intolerable!ö

I would have said æwould have been intolerable in my timeÆ, but that would have been mean and pretentious. And it would have made me look old.

Rinzu has the decency to look meek and embarrassed. ôMy utmost apologies, sir. I had nothing but the best intentions-ö
ôOur best intentions must be ensuring the safety of our troops! WhatÆs the point if our own machines kill them before the YAOI gets to them?ö

Everyone cringed. Yeah, that was nasty. I slammed the table one last time. ôNo matter. WhatÆs done is done. Let it NOT HAPPEN AGAIN, Kuroda-san.ö
ôàyes sir. Should we replace all the bolts and schedule a new test?ö
ôNo.ö I quickly explain myself. ôAfter this blunder, the higher-ups will obviously expect more. Correcting the problem will just not be enough. We are OMEGA, ladies and gentlemen. WeÆre the best at what we do. And we can do ANYTHING. This is more than a place where we can go crazy and do all the experiments we want. PeopleÆs lives, and our worldsÆ resources are at stake here. We are all scientists hereàwell, except for Sasara-chan and Yami-chan.ö

My assistant quickly reacted abashedly to the overly informal use of honorifics.

ôWeÆre scientists, yes, but we have to stay in perspective. What we do hereàitÆs not for the sake of science. WeÆre doing it to protect our very existences. To save lives. To stop the YAOI. To defend against CANON.ö

ôWe are soldiers in this war, too. Just like out there in the front lines, failure and disobedience cannot be tolerated here. We have our very own brand of pride. Be proud of yourselves, for what weÆre doing hereàwe do it for something bigger than life. We are part of something special.ö

I nodded to myself. Mission accomplished. If I want to lead this place, the first things I have to ensure are loyalty and discipline. Loyalty wouldnÆt be a problem. But IÆm a perfectionist, and I expect the same from my subordinates.

 

[Daneel Rush]

Two hours later, the meeting is adjourned. My immediate inferiors depart with looks of blatant adoration in their eyes. Even RinzuÆs eyes look slightly wider as she bows before me.

I groan and let my head fall on the table with dull thump, eliciting a cute gasp from my assistant.
ôMa-Major! A-Are you alright?ö
ôTiredàö
ôYou havenÆt worked like this in years.ö Yami-chan, who had remained still as a statue for the whole meeting, finally voices her mind. ôYouÆre overdoing it.ö
ôWhat were you expecting? This place is a mess. ItÆs worse than yaoi fangirls during the annual beach volleyball bishounen extravaganza.ö

Sasara-chan shuddered. Even Yami-chan winced a little. Yeah, that was a cruel mental image.

ôSeriously. RinzuÆs good intentions almost kill who-knows-how many people and ruin years of research. Everyone keeps asking for faster, stronger mechas as if developing new alloys were the easiest thing. The fact those things actually move is already a miracle by itself! They want us to give them an extra edge in this war, but most of the research projects I had running when I left were canceled and forgotten.ö

ôThey want faster, sturdier and safer mechas? Give me the neutralized Promethium IÆve been asking for since, like, ten years ago!ö

ôThey even cancelled the Magical Girl Transformation Sequence Research Project! Do you know how easy it would be to win this war if our soldiers didnÆt have to stop everything theyÆre doing to stare in awe at underage girls and their flashy transformations?ö

ôAnd now theyÆre asking for a personal PUSSY system. Why donÆt you ask me to build a fucking Matrioshka Brain? It would probably be easier.ö

ôOh, and the bunny squadron actually wants bunny ears in their helmets. Just great.ö

ôOmegaÆs developments in the seven years IÆve been goneàin my time, we could have accomplished all that in two. ItÆs just sad. We donÆt have enough people, the ones we have are not good enough, and we donÆt have MONEY! Funding is at an all-time low! How the hell have you kept this ship from sinking, Sasara-chan?ö
ôUmàI have tried my best, sir, but the lack of funding is certainly a problem.ö
ôYou must be a goddess of money management or something. ItÆs amazing.ö
ôI-IÆm not really thatàö All blushing and fidgeting, how cute. ôBu-But, sir, thatÆsàthatÆs why you are hereàright?ö
ôDamn right.ö Yeah, IÆm a bit pissed off right now. ôI canÆt stand it; what Omega has become. ItÆs disgusting. Like hell IÆm going to let my Omega stay like this. If President Hawk wants me to do my magic here he will listen to my demands. At least the new Department Chiefs are pretty good. I still canÆt believe they got Yagokoro. That womanÆs a genius. A real genius.ö
ôGeneral Assassinguy insisted on gathering the best of the best for you, sir.ö
ôWell, then I guess I owe my gratitude to General Assassinguy.ö I sigh rather dramatically. ôMy schedule for the rest of the afternoon, Sasara, dear?ö

She covered her blushing face with the notebook as she read. ôUmàyou are technically free until 19.30 PM, sir.ö
ôAlright, then. First weÆll check on the Chief of Energy who didnÆt deign show up for the meeting.ö
ôAhàSu-Suwako-chan tends toàumàhave a low regard for schedules, sir.ö
ôIs that so. After I give her a piece of my mind, weÆll pay a visit to the prototype testers of the Mammoth. I guess we owe them an apology. WhoÆs our contact within the Infinite Library?ö
ôUmàAyase Yue, sir.ö
ôSchedule an appointment.ö
ôYes sir.ö
ôWhat happens at 19.30?ö
ôUmàdinner with General Assassinguy and his familyàsir.ö

Say WHAAAAA?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There. The setup of Armada Omega is ready. From now on, LET THERE BE CRACK!

Next time, Major Rush meets Suwako Moriya, a girl who should NEVER be left in charge of ANYTHING. Then I take over Groundworm's snippet, describing Major Rush's visit to the hospitalized tester. Expect sexual innuendo and an embarrassed assistant.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Armada Omega Directory

Director: Major Daneel Rush

DR responds directly to General Raa and GenocideHeart, but General Assassinguy normally acts as mediator between Omega and the TFF leaders.

DR is also the only member of Omega with a military rank.

Assistant Director 1: Kusugawa Sasara (TH2)
Assistant Director 2: Reinforce Zwei (Nanoha StrikerS)

The Eight Divisions & Their Chiefs

Technology Management & Economics
Chief: Kusugawa Sasara
Applied Mechanics
Chief: Kuroda Rinzu (Raimuiro Senkitan)
Materials & Manufacturing Technology
Chief: Ikari Shinji (Eva)
Assistant Chief: Tsuruya-san (Haruhi)
Energy & Environment
Chief: Moriya Suwako (Touhou)
Chemical & Biological Engineering
Chief: Yagokoro Eirin (Touhou)
Advanced Weapon Systems
Chief: Aida Kensuke (Eva)
Computer Science & Engineering
Chief: Kokubungi Minoru (Chobits)
Assistant Chief: Yuzuki (Chobits)
Radio & Space Science
Chief: Yukimura Anzu (Da Capo 2)

 

[Luthorne]

"Heh...looks like Rush's lighting a fire under the collective asses of the main branch...good stuff." Luthorne happily clicked away at his computer, the little feelers on the ends of his gloves manipulating a complex array of holograms. "Those boys do a lot of good work...sure, we Madboys are a creative bunch, forging ahead to create things man was not meant to use, but someone's got to go back and figure out if it's practical in the first place, and if it is, how they can actually use it. Not to mention taking what they already have, and improving it...ah, well. Not my job, thank heavens. Good to see General Assassinguy's picked a good man for the job, though."

Spinning away from his work on a hoverchair, Luthorne pondered, the little manipulators on the ends of each finger running through his beard, pondering. "Let's see...projects. Now that Wiley's finished up with that ridiculous - though highly amusing - Jusekyo project, let's see what we can put him on. Given his experience...I think I'll put him and Icchan to work on those prototype shifter suits. Being able to shapeshift...ah, it'd be so fun, though we're going to have to program in the shapes manually...I think Urahara's almost done actually unravelling the curse, as opposed to just being able to swap around variables."

His face turning serious temporarily, Luthorne sighed. "Not that it's not important on its own...from the latest batch Kitsune shuffled in, we've found out that they've taken to finding deeply in love straight couples, and use their modified Jusenkyo curse to turn the woman into a male, then see what happens...if love prevails, they slowly indoctrinate them into YAOI society. If it doesn't...they just reprogram them anyways. Fortunately, we should have a cure soon, but it's no good if we can't actually administer it..."

Shaking his head, the mad scientist sighed. "Ah, me, my. Seriously...YAOI is so irritating...why can't they leave things alone...? Well, I suppose I have no room to talk...though I merely like to see what would happen if I tried something unusual...while their motivations are completely different. At any rate."

Clicking his manipulators against one another, Luthorne continued pondering. "Yui's getting close to wrapping up the Lunar Eva project...it can probably be left in the hands of the regular Madboys to finish up in about a week or two. An impressive woman, even if she does seem to be a bit too anxious to find someone after Gendo...the libido can be so troublesome. Nevertheless, we should be able to create shock troops with a few of the properties of Angels, capable of transforming into creatures like the original Evangelion, sans armor...there's no way to really work that one yet, though Yui's been on and on about using a techno-organic virus, but we honestly don't have the capability yet..."

Humming under his breath, Luthorne sighed. "Main problem is handling them...they need a partner to synch with...letting them rampage on their own is too much trouble. Of course, they tend to be affectionate towards their handlers, and the handlers have to be within reasonable proximity. And there's still that merging quirk that sometimes occurs...feh. I'll shoot a memo over to the main branch. Let them decide if they can find a use for our latest monstrosities. At any rate, Yui's been wanting to get more creative...I think I'll put her with Urahara for a bit, and I might head down as well...her experience with AT fields has given her some interesting ideas in regards to the more unusual things..."

Rolling back over to his computer, Luthorne typed up a few memoes. "Oh, and yes. I've been wanting this guy...better send a note up the line to ask if we can go in to rescue him." Typing away, grinning madly, he murmurred under his breath, "...expedition...to one of the netherworlds...rescue...Jon Irenicus." Signing it, he sent it off, leaping out of his seat and laughing merrily. "Ah, if only we can manage to get him! He'll be hard to manage, but oh! The ideas that man had! And given that YAOI has taken over most of the netherworlds, he's probably at least got a grudge!" Cackling, Luthorne skipped down the halls to the lab to burn off some excess energy by farting around with the gene manipulator. He really didn't know why some people called him mad!

 

[byakuryuu]

/-/Cyrus' Misadventures/-/

President Hawk looked over the report, then turned back to the most unlikely of people to be in his office. Then back to the report... then to the other occupant of his office, besides the Grey Knight and the Space Marine.

"Cyrus O' Mally, what the Hell were you drinking when you typed this up?"

The General Army Engineer only gave a good-natured grin and a salute in response, his slightly thin and cheerful face and moustache leaving the impression of nothing

"We'l, sir, as ye probably noticed, there were these wee li'l Gretchins and Orks froom Alpha Team that day patrollin' the plane'ary border, and go' captured by the enemy." he began, the Scottish accent (How the Hell he managed one, no one would know), "So the Commander says ta meh, 'We need ta resqoo them, even if they be morons', an' 'cos I was tha only Engineer left, they made meh go tew."

"And I take it in the report you got captured by the CANON forces?"

"Aye," he said, that grin still smart on the Engineer's face, "Tew doozen soldiers; all rounded oop and ready fo' conversion. Then I says ta me mate; 'let's break out.' He done lookit me 's if I was off me yanker." Hawk nodded, signalling to continue, "I broke out by meself, but I wasn't gonna leave behind me crew, see?"

"...So you hid underground, in a hold ten feet deep, and gathered uranium, typhona and ordanta from minerals, broke out the Infantry you could... AND wiped out half of Helora-Two's CANON forces with an Unstable Ion Bomb you built... from gathered minerals..."

"And a toothpick sir."

"In one day."

Hawk chuckled.

"Fuck protocol. I'm making you a Madboyz member."

...

Luthorne only grinned in his sleep.

Things would only grow more interesting.

/-/General Assasinguy and Admiral Rush/-/

"So... you liked my wife, I heard?"

Rush spluttered his coffee as he looked at his fellow 4th Tier Commander with wide eyes. Then again, he should have known that Assasinguy know about it, it was public news after all. Everyone was parading about his little crush on the then Sekirei Squadron Pilot.

"Um... I have no idea what you're talking about." he denied, wiping his chin on white sleeves. "I have my lolicon crew and you know it."

"Okay."

Silence.

"Argh, fine! I admit it, I had a crush on her, okay?! A huge super megassa crush!" he all but yelled, cheeks red in fury, "Then she started dating you," the man looked to one side, "Kinda made me wonder what she saw in an overbearing computer kid like you."

He fought down a smile.

"Wasn't easy, that much I'd say." Assasinguy chuckled, despite the seriousness of the situation. He was met by equal amusement from his fellow Commander.

"Yeah, Major Uzume no Sekirei, dedicated fighter pilot of the Valkyrie Squadron, Mars-One Division; awarded the Yellow Thunder for the Clamp Wars." he kept silent after that, "Her Ashikabi died on the last day of that war, didn't she?"

Assasinguy made no reply to that. Uzume's homeworld had policies and rules; she was formerly an enchanced humanoid on Earth-19, a Sekirei, and bound to a Master known as an Ashikabi. After the genocide of her home planet, Hawk had a mass evacuation of the Earth planets done, only 9 years previously, back when he, Anti, was still an off-field Lieutenant, and 2 years after the RDF alliance.

Uzume joined immediately, intent on the protection of her Ashikabi; her little sister, as the remaining Sekireis joined up with Hawk's Omni-Alliance, forming the Sekirei Squadron, under the command of their RDF ally

She bagged the most kills out of all of them, outshining even Max Sterling and Miriya Parino; the last remaining Zentraedi, and a Quadrono ace herself.

She was a natural. An angel on steel wings.

And then her little sister died... on the day men and women cheered Clamp's repelling of YAOI.

She had had leukaemia; the doctors had lied to her on request from that little girl. So that she'd continue to fight.

CANON came in where YAOI failed, and Clamp was lost a year later.

"Yeah," Assasinguy gave a sad smile, "Chiho passed away the last day of the war, Chiho imouto-chan."

No man spoke.

This was enough, for now.

/-/-/

Don't let this version interfere with your version, Admiral Daneel. Continue, over and out.

On a side note, if you want to describe me, I look like Sagara Sousuke of FMP; I know, cliche, but I don't care for looks. Attitude? ...read as above; still unsure about women, despite being married. Protective. VERY protective of daughter. And wife.

 

[GroundWorm]

Thank you Mister Rush for bringing my character to live, but I think it would be helpful if I give you some sort of description of my appearance; so here it is:

Short blond hair but at the moment completely bald because of the flames involving the accident. Face is sharp and without any fat because of training and on my forehead is a sort of metal ring that goes completely to the back of my head. The metal ring hides some brain enhancing chips which allows me to multi task up to 7 things at a time. Current problem is the chips are a bit fried.

Personality: An asshole that turns everything you say against you (mostly in perverted ways) is also very sarcastic and does not care if you are of higher rank or famous. He however is a lot nicer to friends though he would still make perverted and sarcastic comments

 

[byakuryuu]

/-/Facing The Devil Himself/-/

Field Commander SJC looked on in pure fear as the CANON forces made their retreat, while a silhouette made its way through the ranks, clad in a black cloak. The chill went down his spine as the GI Joe newbies steadied their rifles and the winds of the planet blew the TFF flag. Underneath the cloak, calculating eyes of yellow made themselves known, glowing an ethereal dark shine, like the sun in the void. The figure was humanoid, that much SJC could tell.

But why the Hell was he shaking? There had been no situation that the Field Commander couldn't face without a good GDI Standard and some Ion rounds. Yet, this humanoid (He couldn't tell the species and/or race), was walking towards a fortified GDI/NOD stronghold, minions of CANON running for their lives in the opposite direction.

Red eyes shone in place of yellow.

His eyes widened.

"IT'S KISHIMOTO!"

The Gates shattered...

And the Great Enemy walked through them, without a care in the world.

/-/-/

Uh-oh, looks like SJC's got a shitload of trouble up HIS creek. The Great Enemy himself, the most powerful being in the Universe has made himself known to the TFF forces, will SJC survive this battle with an Immortal, with nothing but 63 soldiers and limited ammo? We pray your safety, Field Commander. We all pray.

For TFF... and for Hawk! Transmission out.

 

[GroundWorm]

That is a very evil thing to do Assasinguy only thing I wonder about is where the hell the rest of his army is at the momentà and his base defencesà A well that are just detailsà

I wonder if the immortal himself would remain unscathed after having sticky liquid tiberium bombs planted on his body and then an obelisk laser as their detonator. :evil2:

 

[Jim Starluck]

No, no, clearly the only option here is to cut off his head. Where's a Highlander when you need one? :hmm:

 

[David Alan Abramczyk]

Major Abramczyk and his Commandos ran like all the demons of hell were after them. Which, he admitted, was not too far from the truth.

"How the fook did Intel screw up this badly?" he shouted to the Chief, before turning and firing a few times at their pursuer. As was expected, though, the heavy bullets bounced off the ugly mech that was after them. The mech was the infamous Scheherazade guymelef, piloted by the even more infamous Bishi Prince Allen Schezar.

David knew the scoop behind this sorry affair. YAOI had arrived on Gaea just before the first war. It had been repelled after a long, bloody war, but Allen Schezar, one of Gaea's greatest champions, had been corrupted by the ruinous powers. It was rumored that the corruption had run so deep, that almost nothing remained of his personality, beyond the YAOI taint.

 

[B.B. Rain]

"Thanks to the contributions of Lieutenant Colonel B.B. Rain, Luthorne and Medic Red alert." He nodded to the Autobot observer next to him. "We have perfected the ultimate Anti-Gundam weapon." S J C said over to monitor to his companions from on-board his command carrier the TFFSS: Tanya. "I present to you the blueprints for the greatest weapon we may use. A Transformation cog capable of supporting a BOLO alt form. Prime has volunteered to test it."

(You think that's going to far giving prime a BOLO alt form)

Excellent! The heavy fire support will be much appreciated. Any chance of getting one of these bad boys (or girls) in the cannon fodder division?

I... have discovered the perfect theme song for the TFF Forces:

Search for Robotech Theme: Battlecry Remixed and listen.

Acknowledgement? Thank Harmony Gold.

The Touch by Stan Bush came close, but it was too Messiah-oriented.

And Dare was too Rock n Roll to be a staple Theme Song.

What? No March of Cambreadth?

As for Commander SJC's troubles...Any chance the Kenny Brigades can swoop in to buy him some time? We may not be a Conner MacCleod, Clan MacCleod, but we can chop things up in a pinch. And burn them, and lacerate them, and shoot them, and stomp them, and drown them in waves of our broken, bloodied bodies and...Uh...Well, you get the point.

Ready, willing, and suicidal, sirs!

 

[S J C]

S J C stared into the black abyss of the dark ones eyes. He knew he had to buy time for his troops to escape. "Full retreat" he ordered "every ship capable of warping get out of here. Command must know." He yelled he then pulled out his rail and hand-held ion cannon and held them at his side in front of him like a staff.

"I am a servant of TFF, wielder of the Ion cannon You cannot pass. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of canon. Go back to the Shadow! You cannot pass."

As he said those words he looked over his shoulder at the ship standing by for him "Fly, you fools!" He yells as he opens fire on Kishimoto "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE. AND HIS NAME IS KUBO." S J C know he can't win but the Scrin Mastermind hidden within the Hand of Nod will transport him to the Tanya once he's distracted the enemy forces.

 

[biigoh]

Omniverse/FF.NET Neutral zone

Warp jumps.

Hyperspace Tunneling.

Spacefolds.

And an assorted multiple set of names for the same thing.

The thing used most one wanted to get from point A to point Z in a hurry and didn't want to do all the travelling implied by the vast size of the Omniverse.

It was something applied to a little known or used trick that Bunny Squadron was... infamous for. A logical application of Scream and Leap! with the use of plotholes and technobabble.

"Commander, weapons are fully charged and prepped for death blossom." Bii-kun nodded as his Variable Gunstar was pulled out of the setting and then back in.

In the midst of the swarm of bishies.

"My god, it's full of bishies." With that statement, Bii-kun shook his head to clear it and to prepare. "Ciara. Death Blossom. Now."

Death blossom. Some would say it's madness. Using up all of one's ammunition in seconds. But when one was in a target rich enviroment.

When one had a rampant AI to help with the targeting as the gunstar spun about, allowing it to target everything in range around it?

Well... that was a different story.

 

[Daneel Rush]

Fuck damn it.

By now itÆs become obvious to me that neither Sasara-chan nor Yami-chan will allow me to escape tonightÆs dinner. Damn it, itÆs not that easy! How can they expect me to meet her after seven years? And she has a daughter! How am I supposed to look at them in the eyes?

Fuck damn it.

Oh well, one problem at a time. The immediate issue is the Chief of Energy & Environment. The issue of the boy calling himself Ikari Shinji lurks in the back of my mind. I have to talk with Luthorne about that later. Besides, I really need to see some of the old faces. This is to be expected: the original Omega was almost entirely destroyed over seven years ago; the day Quatre R. Winner and Sakuma Ryuuichi rained fiery death upon my underlings; the day Yami-chan attempted to kill Anti Assassinguy; the day I was infected with the Orochi Toxin.

The worst day of my life. The sole subject of my nightmares. Sigh.

While the new Omega was rebuilt an exact copy of its predecessor, it just isnÆt the same. But thereÆs no point in dwelling on such things, right?

All the higher-ranked members of Omega live in-quarters, myself included (from today onwards, at least). IÆm approaching Moriya SuwakoÆs room. I raise my right hand to knock on the dooràwhich slides open before I can touch it. I look insideà

ôAraraà? Who is ità?ö Followed by a yawn.

ôOh Lord. Yami-chan, just get it over and hit me.ö

Yami-chan, God bless her, only wraps her golden hair around my face.

ôSu-Suwako-san!ö Sasara walks over to the bed, visibly scandalized. ôP-P-Please cover yourself!ö

Too late. I have seen it. It cannot be unseen.

Nice tits, by the way.

SheÆs the quintessential big-breasted loliàwhich is an oxymoron by itself.
ôUmumuàSaàSa-chan?ö
ôYes, itÆs Sasara. Could you please cover yourself, Suwalo-chan?ö Sasara was struggling to cover the smaller girl withàsomething. Not that I could see anything, with a mane of blond hair blindfolding me.
ôUhàeh? Whoàwho are you?ö I guess she finally noticed me and Yami-chan.
ôAh! Major Daneel Rush!ö
ôYeah, that would be me.ö
ôAh! What time is it?ö Sound of footsteps. A loud gasp. ô16.01! Oh crap! The samples!ö

I can only hear a frenzy of movement and random noises.

ôIÆmànot sure I want to know, but what samples are we talking about hereà?ö
Suwak hastily responds. ôOrochi Toxin.ö

I feel my blood run cold.

ôI alreadyàfigured outàö SheÆs obviously dressing up as she speaks. ôàhow to makeàthe toxinàneeded more samplesàso I set upàspontaneous reactionàoh man oh man oh man, the thing must be all over the place by now!ö

The veil of golden hair recedes and I get to finally see Moriya Suwako face to face. And I must say: wow.

I really need to give my thanks to the recruiters. IÆm sure there werenÆt this many hotties in Omega last time I was in charge. But I must say IÆm confused by the whole frog motif.

I guess itÆs a good thing sheÆs completely distracted by her little blunder. Otherwise she would have noticed the blatant way in which IÆm staring at her chest. By the way a dagger of blond hair is poking my back; I guess Yami-chan did notice.

ôI gotta sterilize the whole lab now! Good thing I sealed it! Gotta run, see ya!ö

With that, she dashed out of her room. However, not seconds before she had disappeared, her head poked out from the side of the doorframe.
ôRight! Nice to meet you, Major!ö She winks at me, and I can only frown. ôWeÆll talk later, ne?ö

And sheÆs gone.

Me and the other two in the room stare at the empty doorframe for the good portion of a minute, even after the automatic door slides close and seals us inside.
ôIsàis she always like this, Sasara-chan?ö
ôUmàyesàö
ôàsheÆs aware IÆm her boss now, right?ö
ôàI guessàö
ôàso sheÆs aware I could fire her.ö
ôàumàyes?ö

I have already read her bio. Moriya Suwako, foremost specialist in biochemical analysis, pharmacology and toxicology. And she just said she can actually make the Orochi Toxin.

Of course, I know better than to get my hopes up. Sigh.
ôWeÆll deal with her later. LetÆs go visit our injured test pilots now, okay?ö
ôYes sir!ö

The walk to the hospital ward will give me plenty of time to ponder the question that now erodes my mind: whoÆs got the biggest rack: Suwako or Sasara? At first glance, IÆd say Suwako, but, being the scientist I am, I will not state a verdict without undeniable evidence; hopefully the product of several evaluations.

Yes, yes, this project will demand all of my cunning and intellect.

 

[Jim Starluck]

Don't you mean cunning and linguistics? :yay:

Anyway, space battle time!






The Admiral sipped his tea while standing before the vast viewport and gazing philosophically out into the void. He did this for a few minutes, simply because it was something he felt he was supposed to do. Then he turned to his Trusted Lieutenants. "Do you think I should study some of the enemy's artwork?"

"Oooh, yes, that might be a good idea boss!" "Brilliant plan!"

Before anyone could say anything else, alarms sounded and the bridge was bathed in red light. "Admiral Ya--*MREAOW*, enemy signals detected incoming!"

The Admiral calmly finished his tea before gesturing dramatically. "So, the think they can match us? Hah! Then it is time to show them who they are dealing with. All hands to battle stations! We shall defeat these fools for the glory of YAOI and the Computer Society!"


------


The ships of ETF-34 terminated their jumps one after another, falling back to sublight velocities in perfect formation. So many ships were there that it took a couple seconds for the entire fleet to arrive. They weren't quite as close as Jim would have liked; the jump drives manipulated quantum probability to generate their drive fields, so there was always a factor of randomness as to where you would wind up once you ended the jump. In this case, the fleet had arrived a few thousand kilometers away instead of the few hundred he would have preferred.

"All ships divert power to engines and forward shields," Jim ordered. "Take us in as fast as possible. Tactical, open fire with missiles and ranging shots."

As thousands of missiles erupted from their launchers, the fleet's forward guns opened fire at their highest setting. The railguns fired shells with hypermatter-enhanced warheads and could be configured for a variety of launch velocities. Since the rounds were sublight, a clever enemy could avoid them at long range by making regular evasive maneuvers. The faster the shells traveled, the harder this was to accomplish. At maximum range they were fired at nearly 1,200 kilometers per second, but the increased power requirements led to a much longer recharge time between salvos. As they closed the firing velocity would be stepped down and the rate of fire would increase, resulting in more overall damage.

Provided they lived that long, anyway. The enemy fleet had finished turning to bring their guns to bear and ETF-34 was inundated with blue-white bolts of energy. With all shields diverted forward the larger ships weathered the bombardment admirably, but a few of the smaller cruisers and destroyers vanished into fireballs.


------


"They are certainly brave, I will give them that," said the Admiral as his fleet bombarded the incoming ships. "To charge so superior a force without wavering..." He glanced at the tactical plot. "They are also surprisingly durable," he mused, noticing the gigantic enemy battleships shrug off hits that would have ripped anything else apart. "Signal all fleets! Concentrate fire on those super-battleships!" he ordered.


------


"Damn!" Jim swore as the battleship Lysander, two and a half klicks off Vanguard's bow, staggered under a sudden wave of enemy fire. The mighty warship's shields held for a time, but ultimately yielded to that terrible firepower. The ship's armor crumpled in seconds and then the whole mile-long battlewagon vanished in a cloud of plasma and vaporized alloys.

A battlecruiser in the forward screening elements shared her fate a few moments later, and then another battleship in one of the flanking squadrons. But still the fleet pressed onwards.

"Look on the bright side," said Jezzara. "At least this time they're not cheating."

Jim just glared at her.


------


The Admiral was starting to get a little worried. They had taken out ship after ship, but it took the concentrated fire of dozens of squadrons to do so. There were just too many of the huge warships to destroy them quickly. Their return fire was puny compared to his own salvos but it was slowly and steadily chipping away at his numbers.

And now they were almost on top of his fleet. He had a nagging suspicion that this was a Bad Thing.


------


"Optimal range!" announced Kaisera as the fleet crossed the 500-kilometer line.

"All ships go to rapid fire, break formation and engage at will!" ordered Jim. Cruisers and destroyers surged ahead, launching heavy torpedoes as they danced through the enemy ranks. Vanguard and the other capital ships waded in, guns thundering on full automatic. The enemy ships turned clumsily to try and track their attackers with largely forward-firing weapons.

Kaisera spared some of her power from the main guns to fire Vanguard's particle beams. The short-range, high-intensity weapons stabbed out and carved nearby enemy ships into pieces.

Just because they were hitting back did not make them invulnerable, however. The superdreadnought Predominance was hit on all sides by focused heavy fire and was rapidly reduced to a drifting hulk. The enemy flagship fired some kind of huge beam cannon and wiped her sister ship Olympic from the sky. The surviving capital ships launched their remaining missile batteries at the command ship, hoping to take it out of action before it could fire its weapon again.


------


The command ship shuddered as enemy torpedoes smashed the engines to pieces. The Admiral clung to his console, staring out the viewport as the threat board suddenly blossomed with hundreds upon hundreds of missile tracks.

"Maneuvering systems offline! We can't evade!" yelled one of his faithful lieutenants, panicking. "What do we do?!"

The Admiral wished he had a holo-monocle that could whir into place dramatically, but he would have to do without.

"We die."

Then the missiles hit.

 

[B.B. Rain]

The Admiral sipped his tea while standing before the vast viewport and gazing philosophically out into the void. He did this for a few minutes, simply because it was something he felt he was supposed to do. Then he turned to his Trusted Lieutenants. "Do you think I should study some of the enemy's artwork?"

Heeey...Now that's an idea! Will anyone in the Navy take Thrawn as an underling?

Also...Railguns? We've got Bolos, Admiral. Upgrade to Space-capable Hellbores already.