Ranma ½ Rosario + Ranma
- Thread starter Black Dragon74
- Start date
No, it's just a corrupted turntable.
How you could make a turntable even more evil than it is naturally is beyond me, but the darker powers are at times unfathomable in their cruelty.
This is revenge for your talking about sports earlier.
My irrational hatred is empowered by my extensive attention span!
Is "Brony" a race, now?
How you could make a turntable even more evil than it is naturally is beyond me, but the darker powers are at times unfathomable in their cruelty.
This is revenge for your talking about sports earlier.
My irrational hatred is empowered by my extensive attention span!
Is "Brony" a race, now?
Oh, right. I've also got more chapter bits.
Forgive me for the extensive Warhammer intrusions in this chapter. I've been watching a lot of 40K-related vids in the past few weeks so it's been on my mind.
"I have an office," Tsukune said in wonder and confusion as he stared at the immaculately furnished room that stretched out before him.
Bookshelves lined both walls and the center of the office was dominated by an enormous hardwood desk littered with papers and basic office supplies, as well as a state-of-the-art computer tower. Several leather lounge chairs faced the desk, and there were even antique Japanese armor sets decorating the rear of the room, right under a painting of a pigtailed silhouette launching an uppercut just below a tornado (titled "Peace Through Cyclones"). The only thing marring the pristine opulence of the room was a large web in one corner that supported a bright crimson, baseball-sized spider, although Tsukune had to admit that even the delicately patterned spider nest somehow seemed decadent as it hung over a gilded water cooler.
"Tsukune, Captain?" the baffled young man asked aloud as he stared at the name plate sitting at the edge of the desk, next to a stack of business cards.
Hesitantly picking one up, Tsukune saw that it was indeed his name at the top, once again bearing the curious rank of "Captain". The card, however, also made clear that he was the captain of the Youkai Academy Protection Committee, along with the statement "Harmony and order, for a better tomorrow" and a reminder for the recipient to friend the Committee on Facebook.
"I am SO confused right now," Tsukune grumbled, rubbing his head. He remembered vividly that something had happened to him as he was washing up, but after that, the next thing he knew he was underground along with people he didn't know and one person he wish he didn't know. Moka had seemed to have gotten over her distress at turning him into a ghoul (or at least she was hiding it now), Chopper wasn't trying to beat him up for kicks, and somehow he had even become head of the Enforcers.
'That guy with the pigtail asked if I had been hit by some kind of magic item,' Tsukune recalled, 'maybe I've gotten my memory altered?' The thought was disturbing, but hardly far-fetched in Youkai Academy. He had already suffered brainwashing once under the pretext of math tutoring, and it had scrubbed out several days' worth of events from his memory. Perhaps the same thing had happened again?
Tsukune heard the door behind him open, and he turned around as Moka entered, closing the door behind her.
"Sorry about that, I had to help Mizore with her work," Moka apologized, walking up to him, "what did you want to talk about that you didn't want the others to hear?"
Tsukune hesitated, wondering if he should go ahead and talk to Moka about the effects of her blood injections or reveal that he had no idea how or why he was the captain of the Enforcers.
"So... Moka. Do you remember when those monstrels surrounded us... uh... the other day?" he asked lamely, rubbing the back of his head.
"Monstrels?" Moka asked, blinking. "No, I don't. Have the monstrels been bothering you?"
"Sorry, I'm a little confused," Tsukune said, tugging on his bandage wrappings nervously, "something odd happened in that room down there."
Moka's looked worried. "Something happened? You didn't look in a magic mirror, did you? Ranma warned you that those were dangerous!"
"I... don't know, but it's possible," Tsukune admitted, "but I just wanted to make sure you're okay. I know you were upset after I went berserk that time-"
"Went berserk? You?" Moka asked, now just as confused as the young human. "When did that happen?"
Tsukune frowned. No matter how much time he might be missing, Moka should have remembered that. Heck, she almost certainly remembered it better than he did.
On the other hand, if she had forgotten, that neatly eliminated any need to cheer her up. It was slightly irksome that she wasn't at all worried about his turning into a flesh-eating psychotic, but it was certainly the lesser of two evils.
Moka saw that Tsukune had gone silent, and then coughed lightly to get his attention.
"This might not be the best time, but... I locked the door when I came in," the pink-haired teenager said with a coy smile as she clasped her hands behind her back, "if you don't mind, can we do 'that'?"
Tsukune didn't move an inch, still frowning as he scratched his chin.
In his head, however, all thoughts of monstrels and magic doodads and Protection Committees were instantly binned as he focused entirely upon Moka's rather surprising request.
Apparent Fact #1: he was now in a position of power and privilege, and even had his own awesome private office.
Hypothesis #1: he was missing memories from an unspecified period of time, in which he was presumably with Moka a lot and they had gotten closer.
Apparent Fact #2: Moka had just locked herself in his office, and wanted to do something with him that she was too shy to state openly.
Hypothesis #2: boom-chika bow-wow~!
"Well, the timing isn't perfect, you're right," Tsukune admitted, managing to keep a professionally nonchalant tone as he nodded at the vampiress, "but okay, yeah. Let's do 'that'."
Moka brightened, embracing Tsukune eagerly. "Yes! Thank you!"
Hr
"GYARGH!"
Ranma and Yukari jolted as they heard a scream of pain and terror come from Tsukune's office, and the former shot to her feet.
"That was Tsukune, wasn't it? Is he under attack?" Yukari asked, reaching for her wand uncertainly.
"Well, given that Moka just went in, yeah, he probably is," Ranma said with a shrug, "it is lunch time."
"Oh," Yukari put her wand away, her concern vanishing, "he's much louder than usual."
"Yeah, she must have surprised him," Ranma said, once again returning his attention to the sheet-wrapped parcel on the table in front of him.
"Anyway, like I was saying, since old man Headmaster has so much magic crap he just has them shunted into an underground closet, I figured he wouldn't miss one or six. So I brought souvenirs for everyone."
Yukari gasped, slapping her hands to cheeks as Ranma unwrapped the small bundle. It was a curved short sword that had a simple design, but held a subtle malevolence that made the skin crawl just from looking at it.
"You got me the Anathame! Oh, Senpai, you're the best!" Yukari said cheerfully, picking up the terrible weapon and holding it up. There was a small label on one side of the handle, and she squinted slightly to read it. "And it was blessed by Nurg'leth, god of plagues! This is just what I needed to really give my curses that extra kick! Thank you!"
"No sweat. I figure it's probably safer in the hands of random teenagers than it is under the Headmaster's protection, anyway," Ranma said with a smirk.
"As evidenced by the fact that you yourself made off with it so easily?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
The door to Tsukune's office opened, and Ranma and Yukari fell silent as Moka exited, humming to herself pleasantly as she dabbed at her lips with a handkerchief.
Hr
"Well, it's nice to see that some things never change," Tsukune said meekly as he scratched at his wounded neck. It appeared that his relationship with Moka was the same as ever: that strange, awkward area above friends but below lovers where it was considered okay to feast on your partner's blood but kissing was still out-of-bounds.
Tsukune slumped into the chair behind his desk, frowning. He was glad to see that his relationship with Moka was at least stable, if not healthy, but the way she didn't seem to know anything about the monstrels or his dangerous transformation didn't mesh with his theory of spontaneous memory loss.
Glancing at his desk, he saw that there was a daily calendar partially hidden under a copy of the school newspaper.
Taking a deep breath, he picked up the paper and checked what day it was.
"What the heck! It's the same date that I remember it being!" Tsukune growled to himself.
Then he happened to take a look at the paper. It couldn't be helped, really, since for some reason it had a group photo of Youkai Academy's swimming club plastered on the front; it was bound to draw anyone's attention.
"Youkai Times: Swimsuit Issue?" the hapless human mumbled in confusion, "who would print something like this?"
Looking further down, he received his answer.
"By editor, publisher, chief reporter and head writer Gin Morioka. Photography by Nagare," Tsukune read aloud, letting the paper slip back onto his desk.
'All right, THINK, Tsukune!' The human boy leaned back in his desk, steepling his fingers. 'It's the same day. The same place. Moka is here. But everything else is different! I'm head of the Enforcers, not involved in the newspaper club, I haven't started turning into a ghoul, and I even have friends who aren't girls! Missing memories can't explain this; it's like I'm in... a similar, but different version of Youkai Academy!'
At that thought, things started to click into place. Moka had said he was in a room with magic mirrors. The last thing he remembered before ending up there was a bathroom mirror starting to glow, and a slightly different version of himself staring at him, rather than his reflection.
'Maybe it switched us? Yeah, that would make sense. I guess. It is magic. So there's some version of me that runs the Enforcers wandering around in my Youkai Academy?'
Tsukune found the thought fairly distressing. He hadn't left at the best of times, and his counterpart was probably just as confused as he was. With the monstrels out for blood, Tsukune could only hope that his analog would be able to grasp the situation and survive. He was also concerned that the Moka in his home academy was still rather distressed, but there was hardly much he could do about that. The monstrels were the big concern.
'Then again, this Tsukune was apparently strong enough to become head of the Protection Committee. He might even be stronger than me,' Tsukune mused, 'so I'm sure he'll be able to defend himself and Moka, if necessary.'
Hr
Meanwhile, in an arena made of crumbling masonry and forced drama...
"-so it's not like I don't appreciate what you're trying to do. If the monstrels are maligned as much as I've heard, then of COURSE you're going to band together to defend each other! It's a reasonable, even noble impulse! But the current state of affairs really isn't helping anything!"
Tsukune sucked in a breath, keeping his voice even as he stared up at a muscular young man with one arm swollen into a giant, twisted claw. Several other students surrounded him, all of them giving him doubtful looks as Moka laid behind them, tied up.
"Saizo wasn't beaten for being a monstrel, he was beaten for being a sleazy jerk. If you're going to kill literally every student that even defends himself from a monstrel acting out, you're not going to be respected, only feared."
The monstrel with the massive arm, Mido, quirked an eyebrow. "Fear sounds close enough to respect to me."
"Does it?" Tsukune asked sharply, leaning forward. "Fear, hate, disgust, they're all the same! Is that really what you want to achieve? To make sure that no one will even associate with the monstrels for fear of aggravating them? Is that really what you aspire to? People averting their eyes and whispering angrily behind your back wherever you go?" Mido frowned and pursed his lips, staring at the ceiling.
Some of the other monstrels looked as if they were about to speak, but Tsukune pressed on, stepping away from Mido and slowly circling as he addressed all the monstrels in the room. "Of course not! You want the other students to see you as equals, not rabid animals! You want to make friends with your peers who might not have been born as monstrels! And if you guys are even REMOTELY representative of the gender ratio among monstrels, then finding girlfriends is practically a doomed prospect from the get-go!"
"He has a point," one of the taller boys said, looking away awkwardly, "I wasn't able to join any of the clubs I wanted to get into, just because the members saw me hanging out with you guys."
"I'm sick of having to do group projects by myself! Even that time in chemistry class, when the teacher forced a group to accept me, they just told me to leave them alone and let them do the whole thing! I had ideas!" another boy grumbled, staring at the ground.
Another boy crossed his arms over his chest as he glared at the other monsters. "You know, I never mentioned this before now, but you guys are all pretty much jerks. I never asked to be part of your little terrorist gang, but what the hell else am I supposed to do as a monstrel? Everybody else just avoids me, and all of our stupid gang rules mean that I can get killed for acting independently! It sucks!"
"Just once I'd like to go on a date without packing rope and chloroform," moaned yet another monstrel.
"All right, quiet down, chumps," Mido snarled, causing the other students to flinch back. Then he turned a suspicious gaze on Tsukune. "Maybe you DO have a point, but things aren't so easy, you know? Do you think we're sticking together just because we want to? Things can be pretty dangerous around here if you don't have a buddy to watch your back."
"You were dealt a bad hand, so you stick together to defend yourselves from others," Tsukune said with a nod, "I get that. I'd even say I admire it."
Tsukune approached Mido and then clapped a hand on the monstrel's shoulder, surprising him. "People tell me all sorts of awful things about monstrels, you know? I see what you're up against. And there's a better way to fight it. Your unity, your tenacity... we can put it toward a better purpose, and really show those arrogant pure breeds who the better monsters are. And we'll do it TOGETHER."
Mido looked completely stunned, unable to respond immediately.
"I... I, uh..." the monstrel seemed to swallow uncomfortably, and then clasped his non-mutated arm over his eyes, turning away. "Yeah, just... gimme a minute to think it over, all right?"
One of the other boys stepped closer, trying to get a good look at his leader's face. "Dude, Mido, are you crying?"
"I'M NOT CRYING!" Mido roared, his eyes glowing an angry red as he rounded on the offending monstrel, "I'm just... you know... taking in the sentiment," he said uncertainly.
Off to the side, Moka watched helplessly as her captors started talking to each other, discussing their longstanding difficulties and future goals for the monstrel gangs with the occasional pair going for a tearful hug.
'Okay, what in the screaming Hell just happened?' Inner Moka demanded. 'I mean, I'm happy that we didn't have to go through that ghoul thing again, but I thought we had a good thing going where we smash the monstrel's faces in. I'm not sure I like this new direction.'
"Here, let me get you loose," said a rather portly boy as he undid the ropes behind Moka.
The vampiress was surprised, but remained silent as she was freed.
"Here you go. I'm really sorry about us jumping you like that and using you as bait to murder your boyfriend. It really was uncalled for," the boy apologized, bowing meekly.
"Y-Yeah, okay. Sure," Moka said nervously as she stood up and rapidly backed away toward Tsukune, "Tsukune, can we leave now? I-"
"You go ahead, Moka, we still have to work out a program of civic engagement," Tsukune said, waving to the terribly confused vampiress before turning back to Mido, "so I was thinking you could leverage the numbers of the monstrel gang to create your own club, with activities revolving around campus restoration and beautification. That way all your helpful activities are as visible as possible for your peers."
Mido nodded. "We could establish a codified club charter too. Maybe create a more transparent process for judging whether we really should kill someone who messes with us, as well."
"Now you're thinking!" Tsukune said happily, raising his fist and giving a knuckle-pound to Mido's massive, taloned fist, "next, let's discuss the concept of proportional retaliation..."
Hr
Meanwhile, back in Crossoverville...
Tsukune hesitantly approached the door to his office, working out a plan in his mind to deal with his new theory as to where he was.
'I should probably keep quiet for as long as I can,' Tsukune thought grimly, 'the Enforcers aren't reasonable people, and I have no idea how they might react if I tell them that I'm not the Tsukune they know. If I'm lucky, they'll capture and hold me until they know how to send me back. If I'm not, then they might try to use the confusion to get rid of me.'
He took a deep breath, tugging on the bandages around his neck. 'First, I need to get back to that place with the mirrors. Since I have the authority of the Protection Committee, it shouldn't be too hard, as long as I'm not put in a situation where I have to recognize someone I should know.'
Before he could reach for the knob, the door suddenly swung open, nearly smacking him in the face as soneone burst into his office.
"Hey Tsukune!" said the arrival, an unfamiliar boy with hard-chiseled features and shoulder-length blue hair. "Guess who?"
Tsukune's expression darkened. "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?"
Honestly, the boy did seem familiar somehow, but Tsukune was pretty sure he'd never seen the fellow before. He was tall, thin, covered with hard-slab, lithe muscles, and extraordinarily masculine features only slightly ruined by the coy smirk on his face.
"Ha! It's me, Kurumu!" he said with a deep chuckle, planting his fists on his hips.
'Kurumu's a boy in this universe? Weird, but I guess I can see the resemblance,' Tsukune admitted to himself. "Oh, right! Listen, I've got to-"
"You don't seem very surprised," Kurumu said, quirking an eyebrow as he unbuttoned his jacket and pulled up his uniform shirt. Underneath the shirt was a large, thick girdle with a metal plate on it boasting a strange rune that seemed to be the symbol for male and female combined.
"Look! Ranma gave me a Girdle of Gender Switching!" Kurumu said with a grin, pointing to the conspicuous item. "I also borrowed his uniform, since he never wears it. And check out these abs! You could grind meat on my stomach!"
Tsukune stared down at the belt, and then up at Kurumu. "Okay... so, you're a girl?"
"What? No, I'm a boy," Kurumu said, looking confused.
"A boy who turns into a girl?" Tsukune clarified, pointing to the girdle.
"Why would I need to turn into a girl?" Kurumu asked, letting his shirt fall back into place.
"Why would you need to turn into a boy?" Tsukune countered.
"I don't 'need' to! I can stop any time I want!" the succubus protested.
"And if you DID stop, would you be a boy or a girl?" Tsukune asked, looking frustrated.
"Er... Well, because it's a cursed item, I can't just take it off, actually," Kurumu said uncertainly, scratching his head, "you need a magic spell or something."
"So you're a boy who can't turn into a girl."
Kurumu fell silent, slumping against the door as he massaged his head. "I have no idea why this is so hard."
Tsukune sighed. "Look, can I get by? I need to get back to the storage room me and Moka were going through earlier."
"Captain!" Keito shouted suddenly, placing a hand on the boy's shoulder from behind.
"GYAAAA!" Tsukune jumped in surprise, nearly barreling over Kurumu as he spun around clumsily. "JESUS CHRIST!"
"Yes? What is it?" Jesus asked, pushing the door open and poking his head in.
"No, it's just an expression," Kurumu said, shaking his head, "you can go back."
"Where did you come from?" Tsukune demanded, staring angrily at Keito. He remembered the spider-woman quite well, though he tried to clamp down on his fear and anger at her; just because she was a heartless brute in his world didn't mean she was the same way in this one.
"Well, Miss Muscles here was blocking the doorway, so I used the back entrance," Keito explained, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Why didn't you just knock?" Tsukune asked, annoyed.
"It's more fun this way," the spider woman said shamelessly, letting a smirk slide across her features.
"All right, whatever. What do you want?" Tsukune asked impatiently.
"There is a matter which demands your attention, Captain Aono," Keito said, slipping back into her more serious tone, "the school is under direct threat."
Tsukune groaned, massaging his head. 'I really don't have time for this!' He was all for vanquishing brutal monsters and such, but this fight had nothing to do with him. The longer he had to spend pretending to be the captain of the Protection Committee, the more likely he was to be found out, and the more likely that some calamity would befall the other Youkai Academy without him there to counter it.
"What happened? Some sort of student riot?" Kurumu asked, grinding a fist into his palm.
"Worse. Professor Richard hatched some kind of beast in the basements underneath the school," Keito explained, sighing as she crossed her arms over her chest, "some of the staff that work down there were killed, while a few escaped to report it. It's probably a matter of time before it begins a full-scale rampage through the school, so I recommend we deal with it now, while we can corner it easily."
"All right, all right," Tsukune said, a weariness in his voice that surprised the two monsters with him, "where's Moka?"
"She's out in the lobby, where Ranma was handing out precious artifacts," Kurumu said, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder.
"All right, thanks," Tsukune murmured, stepping past the girl-turned-boy and into the hall.
After the door closed, Kurumu turned sharply toward Keito.
"Since when does Tsukune have a back entrance to his office?" the succubus demanded.
"Since the trapdoor spiders dug it in a week ago," Keito answered with a shrug, "I'm rather surprised he didn't say anything about it just now. I guess he knew it was there after all."
"Well, it's not right that there's a secret route into the captain's office that only you know about!" Kurumu said, his eyes narrowing as he crossed his arms over his iron-hard chest. "The security risk that this-"
"Yeah, yeah, fine. I'll show you where it is," Keito interrupted, rolling her eyes.
"Yes, please!"
Hr
"-and for you, I found something in the weapon pile I think you'll really like," Ranma said, grinning as he held out a long item wrapped in sheets.
Kouma hesitantly took the gift, unsure of what to say. He was surprised, and certainly pleased, to see Ranma treat him as a friend in some way that didn't involve mocking or humiliating him, but he really wasn't sure how to act on the few occasions that his ever-present fog of furious resentment for the pigtailed boy lifted.
Deciding to just open the gift first, Kouma stripped the sheets from the object, finding it to be a long, curved, single-edged sword made of hard, pale chitin.
"What's this?" the hellhound asked, staring closely at what passed for the weapon's hilt. It looked like it had been attached to something at some point, and had bits of torn, dried flesh on that end.
"It's a bonesword! See the label on the side?" Ranma said, pointing to the strip of paper stuck on the alien blade.
"Oh, okay," Kouma said uncertainly, "not that I don't appreciate it, but I don't use swords, you know?"
"Yeah, I know," Ranma agreed, "but it's a BONEsword."
Kouma's eyes narrowed. "You suck."
Bop! Kouma pitched forward slightly as a red and white metal ball bounced off of his head.
He blinked as the sphere inexplicably froze in place mid-air, and then split open along the seam between the red and white portions.
"What the he-" Kouma was instantly zapped into the poke'ball, and the mysterious sphere snapped closed before it fell onto the floor.
Ranma rolled his eyes before turning around. "Mizore, don't use the slavery ball on Kouma! It's gotta be really cramped in there!"
The ball started wiggling back and forth on the floor as the snow woman walked up to it.
"I just wanted to see if it would work," Mizore said, kneeling down to stare at the struggling orb.
Pop! "RAAAAUGH!" The poke'ball burst open, and Kouma appeared in a flare of light, having apparently changed to his true hellhound form at some point.
As the devil dog shook himself in confusion and fury, Mizore frowned down at the two halves of her souvenir, which had apparently broken apart during Kouma's forced exit. "Aw, you broke it..."
"I should break YOU!" Kouma snarled, whirling around as sparks blasted from between his teeth.
"Oh, calm down, you're fine," Ranma said, picking up the hound's new weapon, "here, try chewing on your new bone. Sword."
"I hate you all," the canine grumbled as Kana stepped up behind him.
"I don't understand why all this sheet music is presented as a series of buttons," Kana mumbled, holding a green flute in one hand while she used her other to navigate the touch-screen of a cell phone, "or why it's only available on GameFAQs."
"I dunno either. Try not to experiment too much with that thing, though. If it can generate wind from nowhere, there's no telling what else it can do," Ranma warned.
"Yeah, and tornados are your schtick, right?" Kouma said around a mouthful of grinding chitin as he gnawed on the end of the sword.
The others didn't respond to the jibe, staring at Kouma as the hellhound laid on the floor with his new weapon and wagged his tail.
"What? Say something! I dare you!" Kouma growled before biting down hard on the bonesword, splintering it.
It was about at that time that Tsukune entered the lobby, and the displaced human scanned the interior of the room before he found Moka near the corner, talking to Jesus Christ.
"Ah, Moka, there you are!" Tsukune said, immediately centering everyone's attention on him, "listen! The school is under attack! We have to do something!"
"Eh? What's wrong?" Ranma asked as Mizore and Kana promptly put away their gifts and moved to stand next to him.
"Some kind of monster in the basement," Tsukune replied.
"Of course there are monsters in the basement," Kouma grumbled, briefly putting down his bonesword, "what else would be down there?"
Tsukune rolled his eyes. "No, not a student monster. A monster-monster."
"Like, a student-monster TURNED monster-monster?" Moka asked.
"No, I'm pretty sure it was just recently hatched, so I don't think it had the opportunity to enroll," Tsukune said blithely.
"Well, did anyone ask it if it wanted to?" Mizore asked.
Tsukune was silent for several seconds as he stared at his alternate-world subordinates.
"Okay, this is a complete and utter tangent, but I really don't think I can ignore it anymore," the human boy admitted, "why is Jesus Christ here? He's... He's not part of the Committee, is he?"
"I'm on business, actually," said the son of God, waving his hand dismissively, "you needn't worry yourself."
"He's searching for Satan's daughter," Kouma said as he went back to chewing, "he thought we might know where she was, since we pretty much set her loose up here."
Ranma tried hard not to make eye contact with anyone as Moka shuddered.
"It's terrifying to think of the kind of terrible things she could be up to after being released in the human world," the vampiress said nervously.
Hr
"I know, right? But he STILL insisted on taking me out to dinner. So I was like, 'why not? Free meal, and I still get laid.' He totally wasn't my type though."
Lucy chatted without pause on her iPhone as she laid face-down and naked on a table covered in soft blankets. She was in her human form, which disguised her bright red skin as a rich tan and hid away her horns and tail, but otherwise failed to alter the absurdly oversexed proportions of her body.
A rather muscular man in a tank top was leaning over her, slowly massaging her back.
"Well, of course I did! But I didn't give him my real number afterward," Lucy said with a giggle, kicking her feet lazily, "so did you manage to score a few dime bags, or did those DAPC pigs get on your case again?"
She was silent for a few seconds, and then frowned. "Hello? Can you hear me?"
Taking the phone away from her ear, she glanced at the darkened screen and grimaced.
"Damn it to home! Out of juice AGAIN? I swear, I've given handjobs that last longer than this thing's battery!"
Sighing, she put the phone down on the desk next to her head, and then flashed a lecherous smirk toward her masseuse. "So are you almost done with my back, hot stuff? Because I think it's about time you started rubbing down my front."
The man favored her with a strictly disinterested glance. "Not part of the package, Miss. Also, I'm gay."
Lucy quirked an eyebrow. "Tell me more."
"Well, my boyfriend actually has the appointment right after yours."
"Hawt. Can I watch?"
Hr
"Truly, this plague of corruption and darkness must be stopped," Jesus said grimly, his arms crossed over his chest, "but you have another task before you that requires your full attention, Aono Tsukune, if this institution is to be saved."
"Hey, we don't have time to be standing around!" Yukari shouted as she swept into the room, holding a crystal ball in her arms. "We've got an enemy on the loose!"
"What're we looking at?" Ranma demanded, stepping up as Yukari put down the orb on the coffee table that dominated the room.
"This," Yukari said, waving her hand slowly over the crystal ball, "a beast hatched from the egg that Professor Richard took."
As everyone stepped closer, the mists within the sphere parted, revealing a monstrous, bipedal beast twice as large as Chopper's troll form. It had a segmented, chitinous carapace that was bone white with purple armor plates along its back and in prominent places all over its body, a long, axe-tipped tail, and four arms, every one of them holding a gigantic saber that looked like an oversized version of the one Kouma was chewing on.
"What IS it?" Kurumu asked as he and Keito joined the others in the lobby studying the terrible monster.
Hr
"One of the Tyranid's deadliest bioweapons: the Swarmlord," growled an enormous man with white hair in a crew cut as he stood before Ms. Nekonome's usual monster encyclopedia chalkboard. He was wearing a suit of red futuristic plate mail with white shoulder pads and carried a two-handed hammer taller than most humans, which looked out of place enough even without considering he was playing the part of a glorified Wikipedia entry.
ôInsidious and deadly, even among hive tyrants, an engine of martial devastation, psychic fury, and the deepest intellect...ö rumbled the Space Marine, trailing off as he gripped his hammer tightly, ôill tidings for the academy, which hung ever more tenuously on the edge of oblivion.ö
After a few seconds of silence, Shizuka Nekonome poked her head into the room.
ôUh, Mister Angelos? Is that all you have to say about it?ö she asked hesitantly.
In response, he suddenly hefted his hammer into the air, screaming a battle cry for no apparent reason. ôRETRIBUTION!ö
Hr
ôAll right then, what's the plan?ö Ranma asked, turning toward Tsukune.
The younger human glanced around at the others uncertainly. ôUh... wait. I'm confused. Do we... act like we didn't just see that, or...?ö
ôHasn't been covered. I wouldn't worry about it,ö Yukari muttered, shrugging, ôseriously though, what are we doing?ö
Tsukune took a deep breath, realizing that, as captain, it was up to him to take charge and eliminate this threat. ôAll right, I see what we have to do. Moka!ö
The vampiress straightened, rather surprised that she would be the first one called on. ôYes?ö
ôCome with me. We'll take care of this,ö Tsukune said, smiling confidently at the vampiress.
There was a good four seconds of absolute silence before Ranma laughed.
ôHa! Oh, man! You actually had me going for a minute there!ö the martial artist said, chuckling as he stepped up and slapped the younger human on the shoulder. ôNo, really, what's the plan?ö
ôThat is the plan,ö Tsukune said, stepping away from the strange pigtailed boy uncomfortably, ôcome on, Moka.ö
Tsukune and a rather bewildered Moka started making their way toward the exit, the rest of the Protection Committee being too utterly flabbergasted to protest.
Yukari barely managed to recover her wits to speak up before they reached the door. ôWait, so... what are the rest of us doing, then?ö
ôJust wait here,ö Tsukune insisted, opening the door for Moka before following her out, ôwe'll be back soon.ö
Then the door closed, an another long silence descended upon the remaining Committee members.
Oddly enough, Kana was the first to speak, turning toward Ranma. ôWell, let me be the first to congratulate you on your imminent promotion to captain of the Protection Committee.ö
Kurumu and Ranma both flinched, and the former started panicking.
ôWait! We can't just let him walk in there with Moka! He'll be torn apart!ö she said fearfully.
ôWorse, Moka will be killed too!ö Yukari exclaimed in horror, ôeven Evil Moka is no match for that thing!ö
ôWhoa, guys, hold your demon steeds,ö Kouma said, standing up (though he was still in his hellhound form), ôthis is the captain we're talking about. Do you really think he'd just stroll right into the enemy lair with no backup without having a solid plan to take care of this?ö
Ranma frowned. ôWhat kind of a plan can he pull off with just Moka?ö
ôI don't know. But that's kind of the point,ö Kouma said, finally changing back to a human in a burst of fire, ôAono can come up with ideas that don't rely on shoving overwhelming force into the enemy's face until they fall down. He's come through for us before, and I'm sure he knows what he's doing. So I think he'd appreciate it more if you believed in him rather than rushing off to disobey orders.ö
Ranma pursed his lips, but eventually nodded as he accepted the hellhound's logic. ôYou're right. We could accidentally ruin everything if we go after him now.ö
ôI kind of wish he had actually given us something to do though, rather than just 'wait here',ö Yukari griped, ôI mean, what, there's no need to do routine patrols or maybe set up a defensive perimeter while he's carrying out his brilliant strategy?ö
ôNope, guess not,ö Mizore said with a shrug.
Yet another long silence filled the room.
ôWell, who's up for playing an old, cryptic board game I found with the plot devices?ö Ranma asked, picking up an old, weathered box with the word ôJumanjiö on the top.
ôOkay, yeah, might as well.ö
Forgive me for the extensive Warhammer intrusions in this chapter. I've been watching a lot of 40K-related vids in the past few weeks so it's been on my mind.
"I have an office," Tsukune said in wonder and confusion as he stared at the immaculately furnished room that stretched out before him.
Bookshelves lined both walls and the center of the office was dominated by an enormous hardwood desk littered with papers and basic office supplies, as well as a state-of-the-art computer tower. Several leather lounge chairs faced the desk, and there were even antique Japanese armor sets decorating the rear of the room, right under a painting of a pigtailed silhouette launching an uppercut just below a tornado (titled "Peace Through Cyclones"). The only thing marring the pristine opulence of the room was a large web in one corner that supported a bright crimson, baseball-sized spider, although Tsukune had to admit that even the delicately patterned spider nest somehow seemed decadent as it hung over a gilded water cooler.
"Tsukune, Captain?" the baffled young man asked aloud as he stared at the name plate sitting at the edge of the desk, next to a stack of business cards.
Hesitantly picking one up, Tsukune saw that it was indeed his name at the top, once again bearing the curious rank of "Captain". The card, however, also made clear that he was the captain of the Youkai Academy Protection Committee, along with the statement "Harmony and order, for a better tomorrow" and a reminder for the recipient to friend the Committee on Facebook.
"I am SO confused right now," Tsukune grumbled, rubbing his head. He remembered vividly that something had happened to him as he was washing up, but after that, the next thing he knew he was underground along with people he didn't know and one person he wish he didn't know. Moka had seemed to have gotten over her distress at turning him into a ghoul (or at least she was hiding it now), Chopper wasn't trying to beat him up for kicks, and somehow he had even become head of the Enforcers.
'That guy with the pigtail asked if I had been hit by some kind of magic item,' Tsukune recalled, 'maybe I've gotten my memory altered?' The thought was disturbing, but hardly far-fetched in Youkai Academy. He had already suffered brainwashing once under the pretext of math tutoring, and it had scrubbed out several days' worth of events from his memory. Perhaps the same thing had happened again?
Tsukune heard the door behind him open, and he turned around as Moka entered, closing the door behind her.
"Sorry about that, I had to help Mizore with her work," Moka apologized, walking up to him, "what did you want to talk about that you didn't want the others to hear?"
Tsukune hesitated, wondering if he should go ahead and talk to Moka about the effects of her blood injections or reveal that he had no idea how or why he was the captain of the Enforcers.
"So... Moka. Do you remember when those monstrels surrounded us... uh... the other day?" he asked lamely, rubbing the back of his head.
"Monstrels?" Moka asked, blinking. "No, I don't. Have the monstrels been bothering you?"
"Sorry, I'm a little confused," Tsukune said, tugging on his bandage wrappings nervously, "something odd happened in that room down there."
Moka's looked worried. "Something happened? You didn't look in a magic mirror, did you? Ranma warned you that those were dangerous!"
"I... don't know, but it's possible," Tsukune admitted, "but I just wanted to make sure you're okay. I know you were upset after I went berserk that time-"
"Went berserk? You?" Moka asked, now just as confused as the young human. "When did that happen?"
Tsukune frowned. No matter how much time he might be missing, Moka should have remembered that. Heck, she almost certainly remembered it better than he did.
On the other hand, if she had forgotten, that neatly eliminated any need to cheer her up. It was slightly irksome that she wasn't at all worried about his turning into a flesh-eating psychotic, but it was certainly the lesser of two evils.
Moka saw that Tsukune had gone silent, and then coughed lightly to get his attention.
"This might not be the best time, but... I locked the door when I came in," the pink-haired teenager said with a coy smile as she clasped her hands behind her back, "if you don't mind, can we do 'that'?"
Tsukune didn't move an inch, still frowning as he scratched his chin.
In his head, however, all thoughts of monstrels and magic doodads and Protection Committees were instantly binned as he focused entirely upon Moka's rather surprising request.
Apparent Fact #1: he was now in a position of power and privilege, and even had his own awesome private office.
Hypothesis #1: he was missing memories from an unspecified period of time, in which he was presumably with Moka a lot and they had gotten closer.
Apparent Fact #2: Moka had just locked herself in his office, and wanted to do something with him that she was too shy to state openly.
Hypothesis #2: boom-chika bow-wow~!
"Well, the timing isn't perfect, you're right," Tsukune admitted, managing to keep a professionally nonchalant tone as he nodded at the vampiress, "but okay, yeah. Let's do 'that'."
Moka brightened, embracing Tsukune eagerly. "Yes! Thank you!"
Hr
"GYARGH!"
Ranma and Yukari jolted as they heard a scream of pain and terror come from Tsukune's office, and the former shot to her feet.
"That was Tsukune, wasn't it? Is he under attack?" Yukari asked, reaching for her wand uncertainly.
"Well, given that Moka just went in, yeah, he probably is," Ranma said with a shrug, "it is lunch time."
"Oh," Yukari put her wand away, her concern vanishing, "he's much louder than usual."
"Yeah, she must have surprised him," Ranma said, once again returning his attention to the sheet-wrapped parcel on the table in front of him.
"Anyway, like I was saying, since old man Headmaster has so much magic crap he just has them shunted into an underground closet, I figured he wouldn't miss one or six. So I brought souvenirs for everyone."
Yukari gasped, slapping her hands to cheeks as Ranma unwrapped the small bundle. It was a curved short sword that had a simple design, but held a subtle malevolence that made the skin crawl just from looking at it.
"You got me the Anathame! Oh, Senpai, you're the best!" Yukari said cheerfully, picking up the terrible weapon and holding it up. There was a small label on one side of the handle, and she squinted slightly to read it. "And it was blessed by Nurg'leth, god of plagues! This is just what I needed to really give my curses that extra kick! Thank you!"
"No sweat. I figure it's probably safer in the hands of random teenagers than it is under the Headmaster's protection, anyway," Ranma said with a smirk.
"As evidenced by the fact that you yourself made off with it so easily?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
The door to Tsukune's office opened, and Ranma and Yukari fell silent as Moka exited, humming to herself pleasantly as she dabbed at her lips with a handkerchief.
Hr
"Well, it's nice to see that some things never change," Tsukune said meekly as he scratched at his wounded neck. It appeared that his relationship with Moka was the same as ever: that strange, awkward area above friends but below lovers where it was considered okay to feast on your partner's blood but kissing was still out-of-bounds.
Tsukune slumped into the chair behind his desk, frowning. He was glad to see that his relationship with Moka was at least stable, if not healthy, but the way she didn't seem to know anything about the monstrels or his dangerous transformation didn't mesh with his theory of spontaneous memory loss.
Glancing at his desk, he saw that there was a daily calendar partially hidden under a copy of the school newspaper.
Taking a deep breath, he picked up the paper and checked what day it was.
"What the heck! It's the same date that I remember it being!" Tsukune growled to himself.
Then he happened to take a look at the paper. It couldn't be helped, really, since for some reason it had a group photo of Youkai Academy's swimming club plastered on the front; it was bound to draw anyone's attention.
"Youkai Times: Swimsuit Issue?" the hapless human mumbled in confusion, "who would print something like this?"
Looking further down, he received his answer.
"By editor, publisher, chief reporter and head writer Gin Morioka. Photography by Nagare," Tsukune read aloud, letting the paper slip back onto his desk.
'All right, THINK, Tsukune!' The human boy leaned back in his desk, steepling his fingers. 'It's the same day. The same place. Moka is here. But everything else is different! I'm head of the Enforcers, not involved in the newspaper club, I haven't started turning into a ghoul, and I even have friends who aren't girls! Missing memories can't explain this; it's like I'm in... a similar, but different version of Youkai Academy!'
At that thought, things started to click into place. Moka had said he was in a room with magic mirrors. The last thing he remembered before ending up there was a bathroom mirror starting to glow, and a slightly different version of himself staring at him, rather than his reflection.
'Maybe it switched us? Yeah, that would make sense. I guess. It is magic. So there's some version of me that runs the Enforcers wandering around in my Youkai Academy?'
Tsukune found the thought fairly distressing. He hadn't left at the best of times, and his counterpart was probably just as confused as he was. With the monstrels out for blood, Tsukune could only hope that his analog would be able to grasp the situation and survive. He was also concerned that the Moka in his home academy was still rather distressed, but there was hardly much he could do about that. The monstrels were the big concern.
'Then again, this Tsukune was apparently strong enough to become head of the Protection Committee. He might even be stronger than me,' Tsukune mused, 'so I'm sure he'll be able to defend himself and Moka, if necessary.'
Hr
Meanwhile, in an arena made of crumbling masonry and forced drama...
"-so it's not like I don't appreciate what you're trying to do. If the monstrels are maligned as much as I've heard, then of COURSE you're going to band together to defend each other! It's a reasonable, even noble impulse! But the current state of affairs really isn't helping anything!"
Tsukune sucked in a breath, keeping his voice even as he stared up at a muscular young man with one arm swollen into a giant, twisted claw. Several other students surrounded him, all of them giving him doubtful looks as Moka laid behind them, tied up.
"Saizo wasn't beaten for being a monstrel, he was beaten for being a sleazy jerk. If you're going to kill literally every student that even defends himself from a monstrel acting out, you're not going to be respected, only feared."
The monstrel with the massive arm, Mido, quirked an eyebrow. "Fear sounds close enough to respect to me."
"Does it?" Tsukune asked sharply, leaning forward. "Fear, hate, disgust, they're all the same! Is that really what you want to achieve? To make sure that no one will even associate with the monstrels for fear of aggravating them? Is that really what you aspire to? People averting their eyes and whispering angrily behind your back wherever you go?" Mido frowned and pursed his lips, staring at the ceiling.
Some of the other monstrels looked as if they were about to speak, but Tsukune pressed on, stepping away from Mido and slowly circling as he addressed all the monstrels in the room. "Of course not! You want the other students to see you as equals, not rabid animals! You want to make friends with your peers who might not have been born as monstrels! And if you guys are even REMOTELY representative of the gender ratio among monstrels, then finding girlfriends is practically a doomed prospect from the get-go!"
"He has a point," one of the taller boys said, looking away awkwardly, "I wasn't able to join any of the clubs I wanted to get into, just because the members saw me hanging out with you guys."
"I'm sick of having to do group projects by myself! Even that time in chemistry class, when the teacher forced a group to accept me, they just told me to leave them alone and let them do the whole thing! I had ideas!" another boy grumbled, staring at the ground.
Another boy crossed his arms over his chest as he glared at the other monsters. "You know, I never mentioned this before now, but you guys are all pretty much jerks. I never asked to be part of your little terrorist gang, but what the hell else am I supposed to do as a monstrel? Everybody else just avoids me, and all of our stupid gang rules mean that I can get killed for acting independently! It sucks!"
"Just once I'd like to go on a date without packing rope and chloroform," moaned yet another monstrel.
"All right, quiet down, chumps," Mido snarled, causing the other students to flinch back. Then he turned a suspicious gaze on Tsukune. "Maybe you DO have a point, but things aren't so easy, you know? Do you think we're sticking together just because we want to? Things can be pretty dangerous around here if you don't have a buddy to watch your back."
"You were dealt a bad hand, so you stick together to defend yourselves from others," Tsukune said with a nod, "I get that. I'd even say I admire it."
Tsukune approached Mido and then clapped a hand on the monstrel's shoulder, surprising him. "People tell me all sorts of awful things about monstrels, you know? I see what you're up against. And there's a better way to fight it. Your unity, your tenacity... we can put it toward a better purpose, and really show those arrogant pure breeds who the better monsters are. And we'll do it TOGETHER."
Mido looked completely stunned, unable to respond immediately.
"I... I, uh..." the monstrel seemed to swallow uncomfortably, and then clasped his non-mutated arm over his eyes, turning away. "Yeah, just... gimme a minute to think it over, all right?"
One of the other boys stepped closer, trying to get a good look at his leader's face. "Dude, Mido, are you crying?"
"I'M NOT CRYING!" Mido roared, his eyes glowing an angry red as he rounded on the offending monstrel, "I'm just... you know... taking in the sentiment," he said uncertainly.
Off to the side, Moka watched helplessly as her captors started talking to each other, discussing their longstanding difficulties and future goals for the monstrel gangs with the occasional pair going for a tearful hug.
'Okay, what in the screaming Hell just happened?' Inner Moka demanded. 'I mean, I'm happy that we didn't have to go through that ghoul thing again, but I thought we had a good thing going where we smash the monstrel's faces in. I'm not sure I like this new direction.'
"Here, let me get you loose," said a rather portly boy as he undid the ropes behind Moka.
The vampiress was surprised, but remained silent as she was freed.
"Here you go. I'm really sorry about us jumping you like that and using you as bait to murder your boyfriend. It really was uncalled for," the boy apologized, bowing meekly.
"Y-Yeah, okay. Sure," Moka said nervously as she stood up and rapidly backed away toward Tsukune, "Tsukune, can we leave now? I-"
"You go ahead, Moka, we still have to work out a program of civic engagement," Tsukune said, waving to the terribly confused vampiress before turning back to Mido, "so I was thinking you could leverage the numbers of the monstrel gang to create your own club, with activities revolving around campus restoration and beautification. That way all your helpful activities are as visible as possible for your peers."
Mido nodded. "We could establish a codified club charter too. Maybe create a more transparent process for judging whether we really should kill someone who messes with us, as well."
"Now you're thinking!" Tsukune said happily, raising his fist and giving a knuckle-pound to Mido's massive, taloned fist, "next, let's discuss the concept of proportional retaliation..."
Hr
Meanwhile, back in Crossoverville...
Tsukune hesitantly approached the door to his office, working out a plan in his mind to deal with his new theory as to where he was.
'I should probably keep quiet for as long as I can,' Tsukune thought grimly, 'the Enforcers aren't reasonable people, and I have no idea how they might react if I tell them that I'm not the Tsukune they know. If I'm lucky, they'll capture and hold me until they know how to send me back. If I'm not, then they might try to use the confusion to get rid of me.'
He took a deep breath, tugging on the bandages around his neck. 'First, I need to get back to that place with the mirrors. Since I have the authority of the Protection Committee, it shouldn't be too hard, as long as I'm not put in a situation where I have to recognize someone I should know.'
Before he could reach for the knob, the door suddenly swung open, nearly smacking him in the face as soneone burst into his office.
"Hey Tsukune!" said the arrival, an unfamiliar boy with hard-chiseled features and shoulder-length blue hair. "Guess who?"
Tsukune's expression darkened. "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?"
Honestly, the boy did seem familiar somehow, but Tsukune was pretty sure he'd never seen the fellow before. He was tall, thin, covered with hard-slab, lithe muscles, and extraordinarily masculine features only slightly ruined by the coy smirk on his face.
"Ha! It's me, Kurumu!" he said with a deep chuckle, planting his fists on his hips.
'Kurumu's a boy in this universe? Weird, but I guess I can see the resemblance,' Tsukune admitted to himself. "Oh, right! Listen, I've got to-"
"You don't seem very surprised," Kurumu said, quirking an eyebrow as he unbuttoned his jacket and pulled up his uniform shirt. Underneath the shirt was a large, thick girdle with a metal plate on it boasting a strange rune that seemed to be the symbol for male and female combined.
"Look! Ranma gave me a Girdle of Gender Switching!" Kurumu said with a grin, pointing to the conspicuous item. "I also borrowed his uniform, since he never wears it. And check out these abs! You could grind meat on my stomach!"
Tsukune stared down at the belt, and then up at Kurumu. "Okay... so, you're a girl?"
"What? No, I'm a boy," Kurumu said, looking confused.
"A boy who turns into a girl?" Tsukune clarified, pointing to the girdle.
"Why would I need to turn into a girl?" Kurumu asked, letting his shirt fall back into place.
"Why would you need to turn into a boy?" Tsukune countered.
"I don't 'need' to! I can stop any time I want!" the succubus protested.
"And if you DID stop, would you be a boy or a girl?" Tsukune asked, looking frustrated.
"Er... Well, because it's a cursed item, I can't just take it off, actually," Kurumu said uncertainly, scratching his head, "you need a magic spell or something."
"So you're a boy who can't turn into a girl."
Kurumu fell silent, slumping against the door as he massaged his head. "I have no idea why this is so hard."
Tsukune sighed. "Look, can I get by? I need to get back to the storage room me and Moka were going through earlier."
"Captain!" Keito shouted suddenly, placing a hand on the boy's shoulder from behind.
"GYAAAA!" Tsukune jumped in surprise, nearly barreling over Kurumu as he spun around clumsily. "JESUS CHRIST!"
"Yes? What is it?" Jesus asked, pushing the door open and poking his head in.
"No, it's just an expression," Kurumu said, shaking his head, "you can go back."
"Where did you come from?" Tsukune demanded, staring angrily at Keito. He remembered the spider-woman quite well, though he tried to clamp down on his fear and anger at her; just because she was a heartless brute in his world didn't mean she was the same way in this one.
"Well, Miss Muscles here was blocking the doorway, so I used the back entrance," Keito explained, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Why didn't you just knock?" Tsukune asked, annoyed.
"It's more fun this way," the spider woman said shamelessly, letting a smirk slide across her features.
"All right, whatever. What do you want?" Tsukune asked impatiently.
"There is a matter which demands your attention, Captain Aono," Keito said, slipping back into her more serious tone, "the school is under direct threat."
Tsukune groaned, massaging his head. 'I really don't have time for this!' He was all for vanquishing brutal monsters and such, but this fight had nothing to do with him. The longer he had to spend pretending to be the captain of the Protection Committee, the more likely he was to be found out, and the more likely that some calamity would befall the other Youkai Academy without him there to counter it.
"What happened? Some sort of student riot?" Kurumu asked, grinding a fist into his palm.
"Worse. Professor Richard hatched some kind of beast in the basements underneath the school," Keito explained, sighing as she crossed her arms over her chest, "some of the staff that work down there were killed, while a few escaped to report it. It's probably a matter of time before it begins a full-scale rampage through the school, so I recommend we deal with it now, while we can corner it easily."
"All right, all right," Tsukune said, a weariness in his voice that surprised the two monsters with him, "where's Moka?"
"She's out in the lobby, where Ranma was handing out precious artifacts," Kurumu said, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder.
"All right, thanks," Tsukune murmured, stepping past the girl-turned-boy and into the hall.
After the door closed, Kurumu turned sharply toward Keito.
"Since when does Tsukune have a back entrance to his office?" the succubus demanded.
"Since the trapdoor spiders dug it in a week ago," Keito answered with a shrug, "I'm rather surprised he didn't say anything about it just now. I guess he knew it was there after all."
"Well, it's not right that there's a secret route into the captain's office that only you know about!" Kurumu said, his eyes narrowing as he crossed his arms over his iron-hard chest. "The security risk that this-"
"Yeah, yeah, fine. I'll show you where it is," Keito interrupted, rolling her eyes.
"Yes, please!"
Hr
"-and for you, I found something in the weapon pile I think you'll really like," Ranma said, grinning as he held out a long item wrapped in sheets.
Kouma hesitantly took the gift, unsure of what to say. He was surprised, and certainly pleased, to see Ranma treat him as a friend in some way that didn't involve mocking or humiliating him, but he really wasn't sure how to act on the few occasions that his ever-present fog of furious resentment for the pigtailed boy lifted.
Deciding to just open the gift first, Kouma stripped the sheets from the object, finding it to be a long, curved, single-edged sword made of hard, pale chitin.
"What's this?" the hellhound asked, staring closely at what passed for the weapon's hilt. It looked like it had been attached to something at some point, and had bits of torn, dried flesh on that end.
"It's a bonesword! See the label on the side?" Ranma said, pointing to the strip of paper stuck on the alien blade.
"Oh, okay," Kouma said uncertainly, "not that I don't appreciate it, but I don't use swords, you know?"
"Yeah, I know," Ranma agreed, "but it's a BONEsword."
Kouma's eyes narrowed. "You suck."
Bop! Kouma pitched forward slightly as a red and white metal ball bounced off of his head.
He blinked as the sphere inexplicably froze in place mid-air, and then split open along the seam between the red and white portions.
"What the he-" Kouma was instantly zapped into the poke'ball, and the mysterious sphere snapped closed before it fell onto the floor.
Ranma rolled his eyes before turning around. "Mizore, don't use the slavery ball on Kouma! It's gotta be really cramped in there!"
The ball started wiggling back and forth on the floor as the snow woman walked up to it.
"I just wanted to see if it would work," Mizore said, kneeling down to stare at the struggling orb.
Pop! "RAAAAUGH!" The poke'ball burst open, and Kouma appeared in a flare of light, having apparently changed to his true hellhound form at some point.
As the devil dog shook himself in confusion and fury, Mizore frowned down at the two halves of her souvenir, which had apparently broken apart during Kouma's forced exit. "Aw, you broke it..."
"I should break YOU!" Kouma snarled, whirling around as sparks blasted from between his teeth.
"Oh, calm down, you're fine," Ranma said, picking up the hound's new weapon, "here, try chewing on your new bone. Sword."
"I hate you all," the canine grumbled as Kana stepped up behind him.
"I don't understand why all this sheet music is presented as a series of buttons," Kana mumbled, holding a green flute in one hand while she used her other to navigate the touch-screen of a cell phone, "or why it's only available on GameFAQs."
"I dunno either. Try not to experiment too much with that thing, though. If it can generate wind from nowhere, there's no telling what else it can do," Ranma warned.
"Yeah, and tornados are your schtick, right?" Kouma said around a mouthful of grinding chitin as he gnawed on the end of the sword.
The others didn't respond to the jibe, staring at Kouma as the hellhound laid on the floor with his new weapon and wagged his tail.
"What? Say something! I dare you!" Kouma growled before biting down hard on the bonesword, splintering it.
It was about at that time that Tsukune entered the lobby, and the displaced human scanned the interior of the room before he found Moka near the corner, talking to Jesus Christ.
"Ah, Moka, there you are!" Tsukune said, immediately centering everyone's attention on him, "listen! The school is under attack! We have to do something!"
"Eh? What's wrong?" Ranma asked as Mizore and Kana promptly put away their gifts and moved to stand next to him.
"Some kind of monster in the basement," Tsukune replied.
"Of course there are monsters in the basement," Kouma grumbled, briefly putting down his bonesword, "what else would be down there?"
Tsukune rolled his eyes. "No, not a student monster. A monster-monster."
"Like, a student-monster TURNED monster-monster?" Moka asked.
"No, I'm pretty sure it was just recently hatched, so I don't think it had the opportunity to enroll," Tsukune said blithely.
"Well, did anyone ask it if it wanted to?" Mizore asked.
Tsukune was silent for several seconds as he stared at his alternate-world subordinates.
"Okay, this is a complete and utter tangent, but I really don't think I can ignore it anymore," the human boy admitted, "why is Jesus Christ here? He's... He's not part of the Committee, is he?"
"I'm on business, actually," said the son of God, waving his hand dismissively, "you needn't worry yourself."
"He's searching for Satan's daughter," Kouma said as he went back to chewing, "he thought we might know where she was, since we pretty much set her loose up here."
Ranma tried hard not to make eye contact with anyone as Moka shuddered.
"It's terrifying to think of the kind of terrible things she could be up to after being released in the human world," the vampiress said nervously.
Hr
"I know, right? But he STILL insisted on taking me out to dinner. So I was like, 'why not? Free meal, and I still get laid.' He totally wasn't my type though."
Lucy chatted without pause on her iPhone as she laid face-down and naked on a table covered in soft blankets. She was in her human form, which disguised her bright red skin as a rich tan and hid away her horns and tail, but otherwise failed to alter the absurdly oversexed proportions of her body.
A rather muscular man in a tank top was leaning over her, slowly massaging her back.
"Well, of course I did! But I didn't give him my real number afterward," Lucy said with a giggle, kicking her feet lazily, "so did you manage to score a few dime bags, or did those DAPC pigs get on your case again?"
She was silent for a few seconds, and then frowned. "Hello? Can you hear me?"
Taking the phone away from her ear, she glanced at the darkened screen and grimaced.
"Damn it to home! Out of juice AGAIN? I swear, I've given handjobs that last longer than this thing's battery!"
Sighing, she put the phone down on the desk next to her head, and then flashed a lecherous smirk toward her masseuse. "So are you almost done with my back, hot stuff? Because I think it's about time you started rubbing down my front."
The man favored her with a strictly disinterested glance. "Not part of the package, Miss. Also, I'm gay."
Lucy quirked an eyebrow. "Tell me more."
"Well, my boyfriend actually has the appointment right after yours."
"Hawt. Can I watch?"
Hr
"Truly, this plague of corruption and darkness must be stopped," Jesus said grimly, his arms crossed over his chest, "but you have another task before you that requires your full attention, Aono Tsukune, if this institution is to be saved."
"Hey, we don't have time to be standing around!" Yukari shouted as she swept into the room, holding a crystal ball in her arms. "We've got an enemy on the loose!"
"What're we looking at?" Ranma demanded, stepping up as Yukari put down the orb on the coffee table that dominated the room.
"This," Yukari said, waving her hand slowly over the crystal ball, "a beast hatched from the egg that Professor Richard took."
As everyone stepped closer, the mists within the sphere parted, revealing a monstrous, bipedal beast twice as large as Chopper's troll form. It had a segmented, chitinous carapace that was bone white with purple armor plates along its back and in prominent places all over its body, a long, axe-tipped tail, and four arms, every one of them holding a gigantic saber that looked like an oversized version of the one Kouma was chewing on.
"What IS it?" Kurumu asked as he and Keito joined the others in the lobby studying the terrible monster.
Hr
"One of the Tyranid's deadliest bioweapons: the Swarmlord," growled an enormous man with white hair in a crew cut as he stood before Ms. Nekonome's usual monster encyclopedia chalkboard. He was wearing a suit of red futuristic plate mail with white shoulder pads and carried a two-handed hammer taller than most humans, which looked out of place enough even without considering he was playing the part of a glorified Wikipedia entry.
ôInsidious and deadly, even among hive tyrants, an engine of martial devastation, psychic fury, and the deepest intellect...ö rumbled the Space Marine, trailing off as he gripped his hammer tightly, ôill tidings for the academy, which hung ever more tenuously on the edge of oblivion.ö
After a few seconds of silence, Shizuka Nekonome poked her head into the room.
ôUh, Mister Angelos? Is that all you have to say about it?ö she asked hesitantly.
In response, he suddenly hefted his hammer into the air, screaming a battle cry for no apparent reason. ôRETRIBUTION!ö
Hr
ôAll right then, what's the plan?ö Ranma asked, turning toward Tsukune.
The younger human glanced around at the others uncertainly. ôUh... wait. I'm confused. Do we... act like we didn't just see that, or...?ö
ôHasn't been covered. I wouldn't worry about it,ö Yukari muttered, shrugging, ôseriously though, what are we doing?ö
Tsukune took a deep breath, realizing that, as captain, it was up to him to take charge and eliminate this threat. ôAll right, I see what we have to do. Moka!ö
The vampiress straightened, rather surprised that she would be the first one called on. ôYes?ö
ôCome with me. We'll take care of this,ö Tsukune said, smiling confidently at the vampiress.
There was a good four seconds of absolute silence before Ranma laughed.
ôHa! Oh, man! You actually had me going for a minute there!ö the martial artist said, chuckling as he stepped up and slapped the younger human on the shoulder. ôNo, really, what's the plan?ö
ôThat is the plan,ö Tsukune said, stepping away from the strange pigtailed boy uncomfortably, ôcome on, Moka.ö
Tsukune and a rather bewildered Moka started making their way toward the exit, the rest of the Protection Committee being too utterly flabbergasted to protest.
Yukari barely managed to recover her wits to speak up before they reached the door. ôWait, so... what are the rest of us doing, then?ö
ôJust wait here,ö Tsukune insisted, opening the door for Moka before following her out, ôwe'll be back soon.ö
Then the door closed, an another long silence descended upon the remaining Committee members.
Oddly enough, Kana was the first to speak, turning toward Ranma. ôWell, let me be the first to congratulate you on your imminent promotion to captain of the Protection Committee.ö
Kurumu and Ranma both flinched, and the former started panicking.
ôWait! We can't just let him walk in there with Moka! He'll be torn apart!ö she said fearfully.
ôWorse, Moka will be killed too!ö Yukari exclaimed in horror, ôeven Evil Moka is no match for that thing!ö
ôWhoa, guys, hold your demon steeds,ö Kouma said, standing up (though he was still in his hellhound form), ôthis is the captain we're talking about. Do you really think he'd just stroll right into the enemy lair with no backup without having a solid plan to take care of this?ö
Ranma frowned. ôWhat kind of a plan can he pull off with just Moka?ö
ôI don't know. But that's kind of the point,ö Kouma said, finally changing back to a human in a burst of fire, ôAono can come up with ideas that don't rely on shoving overwhelming force into the enemy's face until they fall down. He's come through for us before, and I'm sure he knows what he's doing. So I think he'd appreciate it more if you believed in him rather than rushing off to disobey orders.ö
Ranma pursed his lips, but eventually nodded as he accepted the hellhound's logic. ôYou're right. We could accidentally ruin everything if we go after him now.ö
ôI kind of wish he had actually given us something to do though, rather than just 'wait here',ö Yukari griped, ôI mean, what, there's no need to do routine patrols or maybe set up a defensive perimeter while he's carrying out his brilliant strategy?ö
ôNope, guess not,ö Mizore said with a shrug.
Yet another long silence filled the room.
ôWell, who's up for playing an old, cryptic board game I found with the plot devices?ö Ranma asked, picking up an old, weathered box with the word ôJumanjiö on the top.
ôOkay, yeah, might as well.ö
I think I see where this is going. Moka becomes useful for once and gets to be the action star. And then no one ever believes it when Tsukune goes back to the proper place and time. Ghoul-Tsukune gets seen by some student and thus a scary rep forms because you don't want to hit the captain's berserk button. So when he gets returned he finds it easier than ever to influence the population. Glorious battle and outrageous sorcery?
I also enjoyed this part. I think I like the brief snippets of our Tsukune over in Canonville rather than what's up in Crossoverville.
Also I just realized (I'm slow today, sorry) that this could all be taken as a giant bash-fic. Not that it bothers me (and it clearly doesn't bother you blackdragon) but yeah, just realized it.
Also I just realized (I'm slow today, sorry) that this could all be taken as a giant bash-fic. Not that it bothers me (and it clearly doesn't bother you blackdragon) but yeah, just realized it.
I ate the bone of my sword
Flame is my body and Lava is my blood
I have created over a thousand flames
Unaware of wins, Nor aware of gain
Withstood pain to create volcanoes, waiting for oneÆs arrival (damn fox)
I have so (many) regrets. This is the only path
My whole life was unlimited flame works
Prob could use some work but I really was so far off in my prediction? sad face T_T.
Flame is my body and Lava is my blood
I have created over a thousand flames
Unaware of wins, Nor aware of gain
Withstood pain to create volcanoes, waiting for oneÆs arrival (damn fox)
I have so (many) regrets. This is the only path
My whole life was unlimited flame works
Prob could use some work but I really was so far off in my prediction? sad face T_T.
Yep. I did like Kouma's new theme song, though.
Okay, so now I actually have to make a decision about how to finish this.
I have three endings in mind:
Power of Friendship ending: Moka and Tsukune move to battle the Swarmlord, only belatedly realizing just how stupid an idea it is to be fighting on their own. Evil Moka is released but even she can't fend it off herself. Suddenly, Ranma arrives, stating that he could never leave Tsukune to fend for himself even on orders, and he and Moka combine their strength to defeat it, trading heated barbs the entire time. Tsukune simply watches awkwardly, realizing that he can't really contribute without turning into a cannibalistic psycho.
Beatdown ending: Moka and Tsukune move to battle the Swarmlord, only belatedly realizing just how stupid an idea it is to be fighting on their own. They're separated before Tsukune can even release Evil Moka, and their doom is assured. Then the Swarmlord is trampled by a stampede of wild beasts, and the rest of the Protection Committee rushed into the area, rushing into a chaotic melee while trying to survive the stampede. The Swarmlord is defeated by THEIR POWERS COMBINED, and then the Committee apologizes for ruining Tsukune's brilliant plan.
Funny ending: Moka and Tsukune move to battle the Swarmlord, only belatedly realizing just how stupid an idea it is to be fighting on their own, just in case I haven't made that clear by repeating it three times now. Then Jesus saves them.
I think it goes without saying that I'm pulling for the funny ending, but I felt that it might be too much of an anticlimax and rob Ranma of critical page time. So I'll put it to a vote.
Okay, so now I actually have to make a decision about how to finish this.
I have three endings in mind:
Power of Friendship ending: Moka and Tsukune move to battle the Swarmlord, only belatedly realizing just how stupid an idea it is to be fighting on their own. Evil Moka is released but even she can't fend it off herself. Suddenly, Ranma arrives, stating that he could never leave Tsukune to fend for himself even on orders, and he and Moka combine their strength to defeat it, trading heated barbs the entire time. Tsukune simply watches awkwardly, realizing that he can't really contribute without turning into a cannibalistic psycho.
Beatdown ending: Moka and Tsukune move to battle the Swarmlord, only belatedly realizing just how stupid an idea it is to be fighting on their own. They're separated before Tsukune can even release Evil Moka, and their doom is assured. Then the Swarmlord is trampled by a stampede of wild beasts, and the rest of the Protection Committee rushed into the area, rushing into a chaotic melee while trying to survive the stampede. The Swarmlord is defeated by THEIR POWERS COMBINED, and then the Committee apologizes for ruining Tsukune's brilliant plan.
Funny ending: Moka and Tsukune move to battle the Swarmlord, only belatedly realizing just how stupid an idea it is to be fighting on their own, just in case I haven't made that clear by repeating it three times now. Then Jesus saves them.
I think it goes without saying that I'm pulling for the funny ending, but I felt that it might be too much of an anticlimax and rob Ranma of critical page time. So I'll put it to a vote.
"Dragged into Jumanji"? It's been a while since I saw that movie, but I'm pretty sure the board game keeps ejecting jungle crap into the real world, not the other way around.
I guess I could change that easily enough through gag power, but I'd much rather write Jesus Christ kung-fu fighting a Swarmlord.
I guess I could change that easily enough through gag power, but I'd much rather write Jesus Christ kung-fu fighting a Swarmlord.
Right that's the bit of canon you don't want to compromise, huh? The jungle growing to engulf them versus dragging them into the game is functionally the same thing.
Bonus: it's the Enforcers doing exactly what the Headmaster explicitly picked them to not do--wreck the whole campus by foolishly screwing around with his MacGuffins.
EDIT: Wait, what if Jesus was also trapped in Juumanji--
Bonus: it's the Enforcers doing exactly what the Headmaster explicitly picked them to not do--wreck the whole campus by foolishly screwing around with his MacGuffins.
EDIT: Wait, what if Jesus was also trapped in Juumanji--