Evangelion rules and regulations for NERV employees

[Innortal]

37. All personnel must use NERV-approved medications. Guards are not allowed outside medication for ADD.

38. All death benefits will be lost by the employee and their family if they are killed on the job.

38a. All pilots still have to pay into the plan, despite Asuka's declaration that it is money wasted on gambling habits.

38b. All gambling debts owed by the Commander are hereby null and void. Take that you cosplaying bastards--Gendo

 

[WOLead]

53) After discovering they weren't too worried about damaging their Evangelions, the Pilots must pay for all repairs on their Evas that occur during combat or training.

[Bastard! We aren't even getting paid! - Asuka]

54) As a punishment to the pilots for insulting their commanding officers, rule 53 is now made retroactive. And yes, neither the Second or Third children should want to know how much they owe now. The First Child's amount has already been deducted from her pay. An auction will be held for the ownership of Shinji Ikari to help pay off his debts.

 

[firestorm]

55) after a 'face to face' between shinji, asuka, and commander ikari, rule 54 has been declared null and void.

55a) you mean a face to face between unit 01, unit 02, and you, right? - shinji

55b) now i see where you got your spineless genes from, shinji - asuka

55c) it's hardly my fault you physically removed his spine! - shinji

 

[jaredstar]

56. in light of Commander Ikari's recent... incapacitation Kz Fuyutsuki is to be promoted the level of Commander.

 

[The Ero-Sennin]

57: For my first action as Commander, as of this point rule 51 is repealed.

Hyuga: No! I just got finished with counseling!

Maya: Why has God forsaken us?

 

[Innortal]

58. Despite long requests for one, NERV HQ will not now or ever contain a beer vending machine. If you want to get drunk, do so either at home or at the bar like normal people.

Misato: "This is blatant discrimination!"

59. Retroactive to the arrival of the Second Child, NERV will not reimburse any employee who uses funds to rent a room in a love hotel for 'company business'.

Kaji: "You go to far, Kozo."

 

[Cornuthaum]

60.) Maps for the Nerv-GEOFRONT Complex are available in the Commander's Office. "I got lost" is no excuse for being late.
61a.) Neither is "The commander is too scary"

 

[Innortal]

61. We will not be painting the complex green and calling it Oz, no matter how much Lt. Ibiki pleads.

61a. This also goes for painting it black and calling it Outworld.

Shigeru: Sure, kill my dreams.

61b. Kaji's suggestion we turn HQ into a giant brothel/strip club to raise funds will be considered.

 

[The Ero-Sennin]

62. NERV policy dictates that Hard Work and Guts is not a suitable substitute for synchronization training.

63. Tiny Miniskirts are NOT and will NEVER be part of the mandatory dress code for female officers.

 

[Innortal]

64. The Second Child will dress in normal clothes. Despite her claims, she is not a Pimp. The Third Child also must dress as a boy, and not "Hot-Stuff's main bitch."

 

[Cornuthaum]

65.) We do not have to fear attacks by non-Angel forces; There is no need for chaingun emplacements to be included in the floorplan.

66.) Pilots are advised not to: Leave Tokyo-3; Move further than 30 minutes of helicopter travel time away from GEOFRONT or indulge in licentious affairs the likes of which Mr. Ryoji indulges in repeatedly.
(Subtitle "Pilots are meant to pilot, not to have fun.)

67.) Flamethrower-type weapons are not conductive to the wellbeing of Tokyo-3; Pilots are to cease asking for such armaments.

 

[NanuNanu14]

68. LCL is not suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.

69. Yes, please.

70. Misato's beer does not count as a tax deduction.

 

[GoatMan]

71) Shinji Ikari's name change request to "Snake Pliskin" will forever be denied.

 

[Innortal]

72. Despite repeated requests, we will not initiate a cloning program for the Third Child. It does not matter that they can be farmed out as a maid service, catering service, or escort service.

73. There will be no more battles to the death for control over the Third Child. I own his ass, deal with it.

 

[The Ero-Sennin]

74. Captain Katsuragi's milkshake does not "Bring all the Boys to the yard".

Toji: Like Hell it doesn't!

75. Recording and posting Evangelion battles on YouTube is expressly forbidden.

75A. And if it is still going to be done, get a better quality camera. It looks like it's been filmed by a nearsighted kid in glasses.

Kensuke: *Shakes his fist* PHILISTINES!

 

[Luthorne]

73a. No, Kaworu, I'm not renting it out.

73b. ...never thought I'd say this, but...I love you Dad.

73c. Don't worry, Shinji-kun, we can still be together. I'm 'open' to new possibilities.

73d. Rei clones, don't fail me now!

 

[Temjin-On]

76) Despite what certain active pilots may believe, you do not get the sixth trip the the hospital ward free.

77) While NERV is an equal opportunity employer, if you are one of the following, you will be denied access to the Geofront. This list includes; Jedi, clergy, psychological professionals not on NERV payroll, worshipers of Satan or any of the Elder Gods, Child Rights activists, Union representatives, and anyone who has been thus labeled by the Commander as a person who could influence the mental health of his pawns, erm, pilots.

 

[PCHeintz72]

76) Despite what certain active pilots may believe, you do not get the sixth trip the the hospital ward free.

77) While NERV is an equal opportunity employer, if you are one of the following, you will be denied access to the Geofront. This list includes; Jedi, clergy, psychological professionals not on NERV payroll, worshipers of Satan or any of the Elder Gods, Child Rights activists, Union representatives, and anyone who has been thus labeled by the Commander as a person who could influence the mental health of his pawns, erm, pilots.

77 A. But good luck to the brave section 2 operatives ordered to keep them out, as they may as well be wearing red shirts.

 

[Innortal]

78. Despite repeated requests, the Third Child will not have his name legally changed to Fifi or be required to wear a French maid's outfit at all times.

79. Despite requests once again by the Second Child, the Third Child is allowed to be with whomever he wishes ... as long as they pass a NERV approved background check.

80. All Rei Clones must stay in their tanks between 9pm and 8am. They are not allowed to drag anyone back into their LCL tanks with them.

81. NERV does not condone the use of our land inside the GeoFront for the growing of hops for beer. There will be no NERV-beer made to fund our operations. We will be funded with money taken from starving Third World countries, as is tradition.

82. A hot-springs penguin, no matter how genetically engineered, is not a legal worker within NERV. They are not to be paid nor contracted to work.

 

[PCHeintz72]

79. Despite requests once again by the Second Child, the Third Child is allowed to be with whomever he wishes ... as long as they pass a NERV approved background check.

Which mean nearly anyone, if they can approve Kaji, Kawru, and later Makoto and Misato.

 

[SotF]

83.) The work of Henry Wu is not an acceptable source for cloning.
b.) Would someone please get rid of the 'Raptor Packs now in the Geofront?

 

[Innortal]

84. Clones of the Fifth Child may not be sold to Southeast Asian slave or prostitution rings. The same applies for the First Child or any other clones the Second Child has tried, will try, or is making.

85. We cannot clone beer. Deal with it, Katsuragi.

86. Would the person responsible for the "Pimp the Third Child" posters and program please stop posting them. Once again, his ass is NERV's, deal with it.

87. Blindfolds will not be allowed in the LCL-filled areas. Just because I am skinny-dipping doesn't mean you have to watch.

Addendum: You may not turn out the lights either.

 

[Jetflash]

87. Fine. After repeated requests, I will allow the LCL the pilots breathe inside their plugs to be kept separate from the main tank.

88. No, Misato, you may not spike said LCL. I don't know what it would do, nor do I want to.

89. Anyone attempting to harm the third child physically will be subjected to twenty lashes, if male, or twenty bare-bottomed spankings, if female.

89a. YOUNG female.

89b. Young, THIN female.

89c. Young, thin, VAGUELY ATTRACTIVE female.

89d. I don't know what hole you crawled out of, but go back! PLEASE!

 

[Innortal]

90. The Third Child is no longer allowed to consume alcohol of any type. Anyone found violating this rule will be forced to repair and clean up all the damage done by the inebriated Third Child.

91. No, I will not institute a rule for NERV females to wear a bikini.

91a. NERV male employees may not wear a shirt short enough to reveal their guts.

91b. If you are not within your average weight class, you cannot wear clothes denoting you are in this class. As an example, you may not wear a shirt that includes the words 'Sexy' or 'all dat' if your belly goes over your belt.

 

[Dartz_IRL]

92: All request for additional funding for psychiatric services to be routed via Office Block 7b

93: Referring to Command deck staff as 'Bridge Bunnies' is officially discouraged.

94: If in doubt, you probably haven't a high enough clearance to be certain.

95: If you are certain, you have most likely violated a secrecy order and will report for punishment.

96: Are you sure?

97: Office Block 7b has been declared off limits due to recent damage.

98: Employee parking for employees only.

99: Members of the JSSDF are forbidden to carry arms within the laboratory.

100: Packages detailing survival after Third Impact will be released once they become required.