Evangelion rules and regulations for NERV employees

[The Ero-Sennin]

161. Facility protocol states that it is ill-advised to hold drinking parties during Angel Attacks and invite the Angels to them.

Misato: The fourteenth drank like fifteen trucks full of beer and kept going! It was awesome!

Shinji: Who's paying for all of that booze, anyway?

Asuka: *Runs screaming from the Eva cages when she finds Zeruel and her Unit-02 in a compromising position*

Ritsuko: That's gonna be one Hell of a walk of shame...

162. Due to a budget concerns, all special recreational functions involving Nerv facilities and personnel will be paid for out of personnel pockets from this point forward.

 

[FourthWall]

150c: Wave Motion Gun is okay though.

158d: Nor Spiral Energy.
158e: Nor the Will of Ide.
158f: Nor Nonsensoleum.
[Ha! Ritsuko A.]

159': The Second is no longer allowed within 50 feet of Ryoji Kaji.
159'a: Nor is she allowed to have jars full of formaldehyde.

163: We do not talk about the incident with the Fourteenth and Unit 02.

164: Pilot Illustrious's middle name is not "Sue".

165: The Second's middle name is not "Bitchface".

166: There are no strings attached to the First Child.

167: The Third does not have a detachable penis.
167a: Nor is he a eunuch.
167b: Neither does the First.

 

[Da-Guru]

168: Traumatizing the pilots is not a sport.

169: Not allowed to slip underwear modeling pictures of former Commander Ikari into mission briefing slide shows.

170: The Third Child is to be kept away from alcohol at all costs. It takes just two drinks to let all that rage, self destruction, and sexual tension out.
170a: I found the last a refreshing change of routine and would like to request regular follow ups. ~Ayanami R.

171: Never touch the First Child without her express permission. Luckily, we were able to reattach the last victim's arm. But please be more careful in the future.

172: Asuka Langley Soryu/Shikigami (I don't really care if you took your father's name or what), please park Unit 02 in the approved cages. Please, do not leave it sitting on the Pyramid.

173: Evas are not to be used for beer runs, Major.

174: Pilot Ayanami, refrain from using your clones for Save Scumming.
174a: Or running errands.
174b: Or a one woman orgy.
174c: Or as disposable soldiers.
174d: Those clones are expensive, dammit! Put them back. ~Fuyutsuki K.

 

[FourthWall]

174c Addendum: But isn't that the point of having them? R. Akagi

 

[ThySelf]

175) Ritsuko, I know we are low on money, but please stop the auction. Creating Clones of the Second child to sell as maids/sex toys/ect is immoral and a waste of money.
175a) Wait, HOW much is one of them selling for!?!
175b) Rule 175 has been redracted.
175c) Like hell it is! (Shinji)
175d) No, Rei- They aren't cheaper if you buy them in bulk.

176) I don't care if your bored- Section 8 is not to have Dance Offs during working hours.

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

170b: And yes, that includes "accidentally" pumping alcohol into the LCL. I don't care if it made the Third able to control Unit 01's berserker state-He is to be kept sober.
170c: Still upset about him punching you in the balls, Ikari? ~Fuyutsuki
170d: Among other things...

176: There is no lottery on what girl manages to "bag" Shinji Ikari, and it is not currently enough to buy the remaining Okinawan Islands.
176a: You still haven't told me your bet, Ikari. ~Fuyutsuki
176b: ...I play my cards close to my chest, you know that Sensei. ~G. Ikari

177: Shinji's nude medical exams take so much longer to complete due to his unique ability to synch with an Eva without any prior training. Not because I'm a dirty old woman who enjoys having Shinji nude and at my mercy. ~Dr. Ritsuko Akagi
177a: And I'm just there to supervise, like a good assistant. ~Lt. Maya Ibuki
177b: I am also there just to supervise, as a good commanding officer. ~Major Misato Katsuragi
177c: You could at least use gloves. ~Shinji Ikari
177d: Hush!

 

[FourthWall]

177e: Ball Gags can not be filed under "Medical Expenses"
177f: Nor can cat ears.

178: Any plug suit design that would result in digital blurring if the wearer were televised will not be accepted as an alternate design.
178a: Even if it's at the Commander's request.
178b: Especially if it's at the Commander's request.
[Kozo F.]
178c: I don't mind. <s>It makes the Second jealous</s> It's my job.
[Rei A.]

179: The code for activating The Beast mode is not "Change Eva-02! Switch On!"
179a: Nor is it "Yatte Yaruze!"
179b: It is not only activated by women on their period.
179c: It is not only activated by "Mary Sue bullshit" or "Shounen anime bullshit."
179d: It is not the late Mrs. Sohryu's "bitch half" finally coming out either.

180: Clones of the First Child are not stress relievers.
180a: Clones of the Second Child are not stress relievers.
180b: Clones of the Third Child are not stress relievers.
180c: This also applies to their status as marital aids.
180d: That's what Illustrious is for.
[A. <s>Shikinami</s> Sohryu-Langley]
180f: No comment.
[Mari M.]