Evangelion Stranger than Fanfiction

[Kayeich]

I think one thing you should do is to essentially separate the narrator from the narration.

What I mean by that is one is the one that's speaking to an audience, perhaps differentiated as being in italics or bold, and then there's just normal narration where you describe Shinji acting as per the narrator's statement, fully or partially as he reacts to the voice, or even trying to go fully off-script, etc.

Make it so that whatever Shinji does, this mysterious narrator is not even acting as if Shinji is aware of it, just an impersonal overview of what's going on, adjusting to Shinji's behavior whenever it changes, but not specifically reacting/behaving as if Shinji is indeed going off script.

That was sort of the impression I was expecting with the first snippet, where it's sort interesting, though it lacks that difference between the narrator as a character and narration as just narration. Later snippets, the narrator is more like a manipulative character or some such as has been mentioned, which isn't quite as interesting.

 

[Cooltony101neo]

Oh, okay. I'll rework that section. I wanted to give the intention that the narrator was going to talk about it whether Shinji was or not. So Shinji just went with it. It was coercion, not outright control. Hmm, I'll think about that one.

ôWellàö Shinji hesitated.á He really didnÆt want to talk about seeing his father again or the battle that took place not five minutes later.á But I do want to talk about it, whether heÆs going to or not.á I didnæt really get a chance, last time.á And I donæt want to miss this one.á So whether heæs going to or not, Iæm going to let you all in on what happened that fateful day, including Shinjiæs private thoughts about and how utterly kissable that bluetteÆs lips were.á ôI guess I can talk about it.öá Good boy, Shinji.á Good boy.á Ok, itÆs flashback time.

That better?

Yes it is, good job

 

[Da-Guru]

Squirrel-kun, you're right in that I've changed the tone of the voice and gone in a more meta direction. I always intended to go in a more meta direction, since Shinji will eventually meet me...and punch me out for my asshattery.

 

[FourthWall]

Self-inserts are the bane of fanfiction, and metafictional self-inserts are even worse.

You tread on dangerous ground man.

 

[Da-Guru]

Dangerous ground indeed.

To quote one homicidal maniac, "I'm the villain of this story."

 

[grant]

It isn't necessarily bad so long as it doesn't dominate the story.

 

[Da-Guru]

Ladies and Gents, I have finished the first scene of chapter 2.

ItÆs been a week now since we last joined our ôhero.öá And he finds himself right back where we left him, in NervÆs loony bin.á The good doctorÆs office is decorated properly now with various informative and ômotivationalö posters.á The boxes are gone.á And the books are on the shelves.á Though, oddly, the guitar case is still sticking out of the cabinet.á Our dear Doctor Bob must get a lot of mileage out of the instrument.

ôSo how has school been, Shinji?öá the pale doctor asked, starting with something easy for Shinjiàrelatively speaking.á Shinji really didnÆt want to talk about school.

ôItÆsàwellàyou know those boys that got in the Eva with me yesterday?ö

ôThe ones that Katsuragi chewed out?öá Shinji nodded.á ôWhat about them?ö

ôWell, Suzahara, the big one, his little sisteràgot hurt when I first got in the Eva,ö Shinji admitted.

ôHmm, and how do you feel about that?ö

ôIàdonÆt know.á IÆmàsad I guess,ö Shinji looked away from the doctorÆs scrutiny, clearly more than a little uncomfortable.á ôButàSuzahara wasà. Heàhe hit me, when he found out that I was the pilot.öá To be honest, Toji didnÆt hit Shinji that hard.á And if he were honest with us, heÆd say that he felt guilty about the whole thing.

ôDo you think you deserved it?ö

ôIàyes.á I think I deserved it.ö

ôItÆs understandable to feel guilty, Shinji.á But you have to understand that you didnÆt have any control over what happened to that girl.ö

ôI know that,ö Shinji lied.

ôBut you donÆt feel that way,ö the shrink caught him.

ôàyeah,ö Shinji admitted.á ôAm I that easy to read?ö he thought to himself.á Really, heÆs not that easy to read.á Bob just has a lot of experience with thisàand a degree or two.á And I have the advantage of reading his thoughts.á Shinji flinches.á Yes Shinji, even those thoughts.

ôSo what about at the battle?ö the good doctor asked.á Ahh yes, the human toe jam incident.

ôWhat about it?ö

ôWell, they were in the Entry Plug with you.öá Shinji nodded.á ôHow did you feel about that?ö

ôI was afraid.öá Fear is an interesting feeling, from an academic perspective.á The fight or flight response activates and floods your body with adrenaline, preparing you for the exertion that the situation is calling for.á In this case, Shinji decided on the fight response.

ôSo you attacked.öá ItÆs not a question.

ôYeah.

ôEven though the Captain told you to retreat.ö

Yes.á Ià.á I didnÆt even hear her.á I justà.öá ItÆd be nice if he said, ôI went berserk and slaughtered the enemy.öá The image of him screaming out ôWaaaaaaaghhhö and slaughtering enemies is far to alluring.á But thatæs another Shinji.á Too bad he couldnÆt wear war paint in the Entry Plug.á Le sigh.

ôWhat was it like?ö

ôHmm?ö

ôAttacking like that.öá The good doctor wants to say ôWhat was it like going ape-shit on a Messenger of fucking God?ö

ôNumb.á I was numb all over.ö

ôThatÆs a common reaction to violent situations like that.á We turn numb to protect ourselves.á What about afterwards?ö

ôIàstill felt numbàfor a long time, like everything was moving in slow motion.ö

ôTension will do that.á Was it like that the first time you piloted?ö

ôIàdonÆt remember that much about the first time.ö

ôWhat do you remember?ö

ItÆs all a blank after I got to the surface.öá That tends to happen when you get a very metaphorical spike shoved through your equally metaphorical eye.

ôWhy donÆt you start at the beginning, with the Commander?ö

ôWellàö Shinji hesitated.á He really didnÆt want to talk about seeing his father again or the battle that took place not five minutes later.á But I do want to talk about it, whether heÆs going to or not.á I didnæt really get a chance, last time.á And I donæt want to miss this one.á So whether heæs going to or not, Iæm going to let you all in on what happened that fateful day, including Shinjiæs private thoughts about how utterly kissable that bluetteÆs lips were.á ôI guess I can talk about it.öá Good boy, Shinji.á Good boy.á Ok, itÆs flashback time.á Cue the wavy special effects.

ôCorrect,ö was the first word that Ikari Gendo spoke to his son in 3 yearsÆ time.á Not so bad, when you think about it.á But what did he follow them with?á ôBeen awhile.öá Really?á The man could have at least put on a show of caring for his son.á Maybe Shinji wouldnÆt have reacted so badly.

ôHow did you feel when you saw him again?öá the good doctor asked.

ôMad.á I was mad,ö Shinji mumbled.á ôI justà.ö Shinji just wanted to tell the man to F@#k off.á But at the moment, he was too scared and too confused.á ôI wanted to tell him off.á I wanted to ask him why he couldnÆt talk to me in 3 years.á ButàI couldnÆt.á He wanted me toà.ö

ôPilot the Eva,ö Dr. Kreedo finished for Shinji.

ôYeah.öá ShinjiÆs eyes were on the floor.

ôAnd you refused?ö

ôOf course!á Why would I do him any favors?á Heà.ö

ôWhat did he do Shinji?ö

ôHe left me with my uncle.ö Now, it wasnÆt that bad at his uncleÆs place.? But the elder Ikari sibling didnÆt exactly like ShinjiÆs father.? He blamed Gendo for YuiÆs ôdeath.ö? And that resentment extended to Shinji.? Now, he was never overtly cruel.? He never even spoke so much as an unkind word to the boy.? But there was no love.? They were roommates, not family.? And Shinji canÆt help but wonder to himself why I put death in quotes.? All in good time, mÆboy.

ôSo why did you pilot?ö the good doctor asked.

ôIà.á They were going to sendàthis girlà.ö Shinji hesitated.

ôYou mean Rei.öá Shinji nodded in response.á ôShe really wasnÆt in any shape to fight.á You did a brave thing, going out there for her.öá She really wasnæt, bandaged up from head to toe, literally.á Sheæd been involved in an accident with Unit 00 a few weeks before.á If she hadnæt, then Shinji might not have been summoned to Tokyo 3.á The letter from our dear Commander Ikari left out that little detailàamongst many, many others.á But thatæs for later.á Dr. Bob here is also leaving some things out.á The doctor is leaving out that Rei is also a patient of his.á ôYou saved her.á You saved us all.öá He's also leaving out that she spends her sessions with him just listening to him talk, trying to get her to say something.

ôIà.á It wasnÆt anything special.ö

ôYou underestimate yourself, Shinji.ö Yes he does.á HeÆs downright pathological.á Boy should get therapy.

ôIàjust couldnÆt watch her get into that thing.á She was struggling so much.á àin so much pain.öá Well, Rei probably didnÆt feel much.á She was on a lot of Vicodin.

ôAnd then the Angel hit.ö

ôYes.á And sheàfell.ö

ôAnd you ran to protect her.ö

ôIàI didnÆt think.ö Not about protecting her, anyway.á At least he wasnÆt thinking that while he had her in his arms.á But I guess finding out that the girl of your dreamsàdelusions is bleeding all over your pants would kill any first impressions.á ôI was shockedàthat they were going to throw her out there like that.ö

ôAre you worried about her?ö

ôYes!ö

ôWell, I have her contact info.á You can go check up on her in the hospital if that will make you feel better.ö

ôI donÆt,ö the phone interrupts the two.á A quick check of the number shows that itÆs not one of the preprogrammed numbers.á The doctor jots something down as Shinji goes to put his phone away.á ôIàIÆll let it go to voicemail.ö

ôNo, answer it.á WeÆre out of time anyway.á Here,ö Bob hands Shinji a piece of paper.á ôThis is AyanamiÆs contact info, including her room number in the hospital.á But sheÆs checking out tomorrow.öá Shinji takes the paper as he stands up.á ôYou can go see her.öá Shinj puts the paper in his briefcase as he moves toward the door.

ôAhh, untilànext time, Doctor.ö

ôThe callÆs already gone to voicemail.á You had better call them back.á Goodbye Shinji.á Same time next week.ö

Once in the Spartan hallways, Shinji redials the last incoming number.

ôUhh, hello?öá He vaguely recognizes the voice as one of the boys from yesterday.

ôSuzahara-san?öá Shinji asks for confirmation.

ôIkari?öá the voice on the phone echoes.

ôYeah.ö

ôYeah.ö

ôUhh, you called.ö

ôYeah, I did,ö Toji was fidgeting on the other end.á Shinji canÆt see it.á But I know.á ôListen, I wantedàto apologize.ö

ôWhat?ö

ôI shouldnÆt have hit ya like that.á SoàI donÆt know.á I wanna make it up to ya.öá Now Shinji was nervous.á Poor boy.á He doesnÆt like confrontation, even the memory of it.

ôListenàcan we talk about this some other time.á I have to get going,ö Shinji admitted.

ôOk, but weÆre not done with this, k?á Where ya gotta go thatÆs so important, anyway?ö

ôWell, I have to go see a professorà.öá Shinji admitted.

ôWhat about?ö

ôAà,ö Shinji thought about how to answer.á Really, try explaining that youÆre hearing a voice and that the voice is saying that youÆre going to cause the end of the world.á Try it.á See what people say.á ôa very serious matter.á It has to do with the Eva.ö Shinji doesnÆt know that heÆs lying there.á But IÆll get to that eventually.

ôAlright, IÆll see ya at school?ö

ôYeah.ö

There ya go. That's the whole first scene. Enjoy.

 

[grant]

What's the therapist's take on this?

 

[Da-Guru]

The therapist is mostly a plot device to give Shinji someone to talk about stuff to. Right now, he's leaning more towards stress delusions than auditory hallucinations. I.E. he thinks that Shinji "thinks" he's hearing a voice narrating his life. But really it's just Shinji trying to make sense of the craziness in his life right now. At least, that's what Bob thinks. He's wrong, of course.

 

[Da-Guru]

The next scene.

In the middle of the afternoon, our hero-slash-chew-toy finds himself sitting in on a college literature course.á The subject of the day is a highly pretentious and obtuse ômasterpieceö of Japanese literature that the students, teacher, and Shinji would rather not have to deal with.á The class is almost over and the professor is just wrapping up.

ôAnd thatÆs where babies come from...for robots.öá SheÆs gone a little off topic.á Thankfully, the bell rings before anybody can ask why they were talking about baby robots.á ôAlright everyone, remember that your next essay is due this coming Monday.öá They wonÆt.á ôAnd keep in mind that mid-terms will be a week from today.öá They wonÆt remember that, either.

Shinji gathers himself up as the classroom empties.á ItÆs too warm in the lecture hall, even with the air conditioning.á And ShinjiÆs built up a modest beading of sweat, despite his stature.á Our dear professorÆs youthful vigor for her chosen area of study may be responsible for ShinjiÆs nervousness.á Well, itÆs either that or the way her thin dress shirt is clinging to the subtle curve of her breast.

ôStop that.á I do not fantasize about every woman I see,ö the horny teenage boy thinks as he joins the line of students that remained to ask the professor for her measurements and/or what the hell she was talking about during class.á As the students asked their questions, Shinji takes a second look at the professor.á She looks to be about in her early thirties, just a few years older than Misato.á Her medium brown hair is cut in a page-boy style, much like the one Rei wears.á The resemblance stops there, though.á Rei is far more slender than the older woman and has a rounder face.á And the professor has more Japanese features than the exotic young bluette.

The professor finally looks at Shinji when he reaches the front of the line.á ôYouÆre a little young to be a university student.öá If only she knew....

ôWell, IÆm not.á My name is Ikari Shinji.á I emailed you about,ö Shinji struggles for a moment to try and describe his æproblem, ôa æproblemÆ IÆve been having.ö

The professor looks confused for a moment.á ôHmm, what sort of problem?öá The professor gets a lot of emails.á And she doesnÆt remember this particular one.

ôWell, IÆve been hearing a voice narrating my life.ö

The professor looks thoughtful for a second before recognition alights in her eyes.á ôOh!ö she exclaims, tapping her palms together.á ôI remember now.á I thought that was a prank.ö

ôHonestly, I would too.á But ever since I went to Tokyo 3, IÆve been hearing this voice.á And it doesnÆt go away...for long.öá the boy looks away at that.

ôSo you work at Nerv?öá Shinji nods in response.á ôHave you talked a psychiatrist about this?ö

Shinji nods again.á ôHe sent me to you.á He thought that an expert in storytelling could help explain some of what IÆve been hearing from the voice.ö

ôWhile that sounds very interesting, I donÆt think I can help you.á This isnÆt some poorly written fanfiction about giant robots and giant monstrosities attacking for no good reason.á I suggest that you go back to your therapist and keep taking your medicine.öá She turns to leave.á Shinji follows her.

ôBut, I might die,ö he says.

ôWe all might die, kiddo, at any time.á ItÆs all a matter of chance.ö

ôBut itÆs not like that.á The voice said æBut little does he know that this first step would lead him and the rest of the world to their ultimate demise.Æö

The professor stops at that, turning to face our favorite mecha pilot.á ôThe voice said that?öá Shinji nods in response.á ôHe used the exact words, ælittle does he know?Æöá Another nod.á ôHmm.á æLittle does he knowÆ means that thereÆs something æheÆ doesnÆt know.á That means thereÆs something you donÆt know.ö

ôI know that,ö Shinji says.á ôThatÆs why IÆm here.ö

ôBut you donÆt understand what that means.á IÆve taught classes on this phrase, the underlying irony of telling the audience that the author is being ironic.á It also means that the voice may not be coming from your own mind.ö

ôWait, you said that you couldnÆt help me ten seconds ago.ö

She nods.á ôWell, itÆs been a very enlightening ten seconds.ö

Shinji thinks about that for a few seconds.á And something occurs to him.á ôSo...IÆm not crazy?ö

The professor holds up her hand to stop him.á ôWell, we donÆt know that for sure.á But I think I can come up with a way to see if you are or are not a character in a fictional work.öá She starts scribbling on the corner of a notepad.á ôHere,ö she says as she rips off the corner, ôthis is my messenger info.á Write down yours here.ö She hands him the notepad and a pen.á ôIÆll contact you once IÆve finished getting the questions ready.ö

ôOh, ok.á Why canÆt you just ask them now?ö

ôWell, there are a lot of potential stories you could be in.á I have to sit down and go through all of them and figure out how to get at each one and rule out the others.ö

ôAlright.ö

ôWell, I have to get home and work on this stack of papers from my grad students here,ö she says while pulling said stack of papers into her over sized professor purse.á ôIt was a pleasure meeting you, Ikari-san.öá She says with a bow.

Shinji bows in return.á ôAh, thank you professor, for helping me.ö

ôWeÆll see how well we do when I get through the questions, Ikari-san.á Goodbye.öá With that, she walks out of the classroom, leaving Shinji behind in the deserted hall.á Shinji lets out a relieved sigh, now that he is alone.

ôSheÆs going to try and help me,ö are his last thoughts as he walks quietly back to the train station to go home.

Enjoy!

 

[grant]

She seems to take it in stride. Does professor well-built have a name?

 

[Da-Guru]

Mmhmm, she does have a name. It's Fuyuki Arisu (nee Mizuki). You might recognize her from Serial Experiments Lain.

 

[Da-Guru]

A few of my betas have complained that the professor accepted Shinji's problem a bit too quickly. So I'm changing the last scene to include a bit more of an argument.

Shinji nods again.á ôHe sent me to you.á He thought that an expert in storytelling could help explain some of what IÆve been hearing from the voice.ö

ôWhile that sounds very interesting, I donÆt think I can help you.á This isnÆt some poorly written fanfiction about giant robots and giant monstrosities attacking for no good reason.á I suggest that you go back to your therapist and keep taking your medicine.öá She turns to leave.á Shinji follows her.

ôBut, I might die,ö he says.

ôWe all might die, kiddo, at any time.á ItÆs all a matter of chance.ö

ôBut itÆs not like that.á The voice said æBut little does he know that this first step would lead him and the rest of the world to their ultimate demise.Æö

The professor stops at that, turning to face our favorite mecha pilot.á ôThe voice said that?öá Shinji nods in response.á ôHe used the exact words, ælittle does he know?Æöá Another nod.á ôHmm.á That sounds familiar.á I think I remember reading about something like this before in an autobiography of one Karen Eiffel.á She said that the reason she quit writing was because she met one of her characters, one she was about to kill in her book.á He said that heÆd been hearing her voice narrating his life.á The phrase ælittle did he knowÆ was mentioned a fair bit.á And then Alan Moore claimed to have met John Constantine once.á This isnÆt exactly unprecedented.ö

ôSo...you donÆt think IÆm crazy?ö Shinji asks tentatively.

The professor holds up her hand to stop him.á ôWell, we donÆt know that for sure. But I think I can come up with a way to find out what you donÆt know.öá She starts scribbling on the corner of a notepad.á ôHere,ö she says as she rips off the corner, ôthis is my messenger info.á Write down yours here.ö She hands him the notepad and a pen.á ôIÆll contact you once IÆve finished getting the questions ready.ö

ôOh, okay,ö he starts scribbling his user name on the pad.á ôWait, find out what I donÆt know?öá he asks as he hands the pad back.

ôWell, you see, ælittle does he knowÆ means that thereÆs something æheÆ doesnÆt know.á It means thereÆs something you donÆt know.ö

ôI know that.á ThatÆs why IÆm here.á But how are we supposed to find out what I donÆt know.ö

ôWell for that, we just have to find out what you do know and go from there.ö

ôOh, okay.á But why canÆt you ask the questions now?ö

ôWell, there are a lot of questions that need to be asked, many of which I donÆt remember off the top of my head.á So IÆll message you when I get a list together.ö

ôOkay.ö

ôWell, I have to get home and work on this stack of papers from my grad students here,ö she says while pulling said stack of papers into her over sized professor purse.á ôIt was a pleasure meeting you, Ikari-san.öá She says with a bow.

Shinji bows in return.á ôAh, thank you professor, for helping me.ö

ôWeÆll see how well we do when I get through the questions, Ikari-san.á Goodbye.öá With that, she walks out of the classroom, leaving Shinji behind in the deserted hall.á Shinji lets out a relieved sigh, now that he is alone.

ôSheÆs going to try and help me,ö are his last thoughts as he walks quietly back to the train station to go home.

And now it's up on FF.net.

Edit: Checked with my sources as I regularly do. It wasn't Niel Gaiman that met John Constantine. It was Alan Moore. Edited.

 

[Da-Guru]

Well, here's the first snip of chapter 3. Enjoy.

School has always been a chore for our young Mr. Ikari.á While heÆs never struggled with school work terribly much, he is still not the type of person to get immersed in droning lectures from an old fossil of a teacher that can only talk about Second Impact and his childhood stories.á Thus it is with heavy eyelids that our favorite young man attempts to read through the study guide for one of the upcoming tests while sitting idly at his desk, more for a lack of anything better to do than some sense of obligation towards his education.á And even then, he canÆt seem to find it within him to focus on that.á He is not alone in his boredom.á Only half the class is still awake, those who found alternate means of occupation.á And yet again, one Ayanami Rei is staring out the window at nothing in particular.á Perhaps it is fortunate that Mr. IkariÆs messaging program is running.

A new message pops up from Fu.Arisu@.á Seems our dear professor finally has the list ready.á ôMorning, Ikari-kun.öá Shinji blinks himself awake when his eyes catch the new message.

ôGood morning, sensei,ö he types back quietly.

ôI hope IÆm not disturbing you,ö she writes back quickly.á Well to be fair, she is.á But itÆs only first period nap time.

ôOnly first period nap time,öá Shinji echoes back.

ôLol,ö is ArisuÆs only response to the jibe at the other teacherÆs skills, even though she isnÆt laughing.á ôWell, if you have a minute, I have that list of questions ready for you.ö

ôOkay, I have some time before lunch,ö Shinji answers.

ôAlright, weÆll start from the top.á Are you the best at anything?ö she asks.

ôUhm, no.á I donÆt think so,ö he answers tentatively.á Really, he is the best at something.á But he doesnÆt know it yet.á And itÆs a very small group to begin with.

ôReally?á Anything will work: best majong player, best detective, or best baker.ö

ôNo.á IÆm not any of those.ö

ôOkay.á Do you have any royal or noble blood, to the best of your knowledge?ö

ôNo.á I donÆt.ö

ôAlright, do you ascribe to any out-dated or overly romantic code of honor: a knightÆs or samuraiÆs code?ö

ôNo.á What does that have to do with a voice in my head?ö

ôIÆm getting to it, Shinji-kun.á I have to rule out a lot of potential stories here.á IÆve already determined that you are not Akagi, Sherlock Holmes, Kazuma Azuma, Prince Hamlet, King Lear, or Don Quixote.á ArenÆt you glad you that you donÆt have to joust with a windmill?ö

Shinji stops to think about that one.á He canÆt help but imagine himself in a homemade suit of armor made from pots and pans running at a windmill with a broom as his lance.á ItÆs a silly image.á ôYes.á IÆm glad that I donÆt have to joust with a windmill.ö

ôMay I continue then?ö

ôYes, you may.ö

ôAlright.á Have you recently reconnected with any lost or estranged family members?ö

Shinji blinks and takes a gulp of air.á ôYes.á My,ö he hesitates to type in the last part, ôfather.ö

ôI see.á And what does your father do?ö

Shinji knows he canÆt answer that.á ôI donÆt think I can answer that.á ItÆs supposed to be secret,ö he types in the box.

ôI mean in the most general sense.á For instance, is he a scientist or a military leader?ö

ôYes.á He is.ö

ôOh?á Which one?ö

ôThe leader.ö

ôI see.á And what does this organization do?ö Shinji hesitates to answer again.á ôI mean in the most general sense.á Is fighting kaiju sized monsters a major operational goal?ö

ôYes,ö Shinji answers back with some great hesitation.á This is getting a little too close to home for his comfort.

ôOh dear,ö Arisu answers worriedly.á ôThat could be bad.ö

ôHow so?ö Shinji is frightened now.á And his anxiety is showing.

ôIÆll explain in a minute.á Alright, did he contact you to operate an experimental weapons platform against said monsters?öá Nail, meet hammer.á Hammer, meet nail.

Shinji takes a good long look at the last question.á There is no way that the professor could have known that.á ôYes,ö Shinji answers with trembling fingers.

ôOh dear.á Well it seems that we have our genre,ö Arisu types back quickly after a few seconds of thought.

ShinjiÆs fingers move furiously as he types back, ôWell, what is it?öá He doesnÆt even care that the rest of the class has caught onto his conversation with the sole exception of the teacher.á That man canÆt hear a damn thing over his own droning.

ôWell Ikari-kun, it seems that you are the protagonist of a mecha series,ö she types back slowly.

Shinji couldnÆt help but wonder.á ôIs that bad?ö he asked.

Arisu mulls it over for a second.á ôWell, it could be very good or very bad.öá Shinji just stares at her response.á She carefully adds, ôOn the good end, piloting a mech could be the solution to all your problems including romantic troubles and tooth decay.á On the bad end, it could end with everyone in the world except you and maybe a love interest dead and the world turned to ash.á ItÆs always a mixed bag with mecha fiction.öá Shinji couldnÆt think of anything to say to this.á On one hand, this could lead him to be happy for probably the first time in his life.á On the other, this could kill everything he knows and loves.á Well, now he can think of something to say.

ôWell,ö one student behind him remarks leaning over toward Shinji, ôwhat are you going to say?ö

ôShiro!ö the girl next to Shinji exclaims with a shushing motion, ôlet him finish.ö

ôYeah Shiro,ö Kensuke says from closer to the back of the class, ôyouÆll give him stage fright.ö

ôAll of you! Sit down and pay attention!ö Hikari yells from next to her deck.

ôAww come on Class Rep!á The old manÆs just telling the same story he told every day this week.á And IkariÆs antics are way more interesting than that,ö an anonymous student remarks from the back.

ôLook, even if I agree with you, we still have to keep up appearances, okay,ö Hikari is facing the rest of the class now.á The rest of the class grumbled their ascent to HikariÆs continued dominance of their lives as Hikari quietly enjoyed her control.á ôAs you were, Ikari.ö Hikari mewled sweetly.

Shinji looked back to his laptop to see a new message from Arisu, ôAre you okay Ikari-kun?ö

ôIÆm alright, I guess.á My classmates were just being,ö he hesitated while he thought of a descriptor, ôrowdy.á So how do we find out which end IÆll get?öá He asked finally.

ôWell, itÆs all about the tone of the work youÆre in, classically set up between good ends (comedy) and bad ends (tragedy).öá she types back quickly.

ôBut how do we tell the difference between the two from inside?ö

ôWell, there are two ways I can think of right off.á You could watch for the tide of events as they happen, battles and such.á But by that time, itÆs far too late to do anything to fix it.á The other key difference between comedy and tragedy is how they treat love.ö

ôLove?ö

ôYes, love.á In a comedy, your love interest will be a...shallow one.á Her or his problems will be solved within a confined time-span and will never reoccur.á In a tragedy, your love interestÆs problems will most likely destroy the both of you.öá Shinji stares at ArisuÆs last response.á He barely even registers the chime of the lunch bell.

ôSo,ö he types in finally, ôif IÆm going to figure out where this story is heading, I need to get,ö he hesitates to type in the last bit, ôa girlfriend?ö

ôExactly.ö Arisu responds.

ôOkay,ö Shinji responds, ôThat was the lunch bell.á I have to go now.ö

ôGo eat, Shinji-kun.á WeÆll talk another time.öá And with that, Shinji gets up to go eat his lunch.

 

[MTing]

This snippet has gained my interest.

 

[Da-Guru]

Wait until you see his frantic attempts to find a girlfriend. Basically, imagine Ikari Shinji at mixers, on blind dates, and speed dating.

 

[Da-Guru]

Lunch is progressing.? And Shinji is having a bit of trouble focusing on his food.? He canÆt stop thinking about his new task: a girlfriend.? What sort of girl does he like anyway?? What sort of girl would like him?? What sort of girl would keep him and everyone else from dying a horrible, fiery death?? ItÆs all he can think about.

ôSo,ö says Kensuke, ôwhat sort of girl do you think Shinji likes?ö? ItÆs also all the stooges can talk about.

ôEh, Shin here seems like heÆs into the quiet type ta me,ö Toji responds.

ôWhat, like Ayanami?? No way!ö Kensuke fires back while Shinji discreetly checks to see if Rei heard them talking about her.? She did.? But sheÆs not showing any signs of it.? ôI bet he likes spunky girls.? You know, someone with some life in æem.ö? Rei is acutely aware of her ôstrange oneö status in the school.? And itÆs not that she doesnÆt care.

ôEh?? Like the Class Rep?ö

ôNah.? SheÆs more your type, Toji.ö

ôAnd what is that supposed to mean, Ken?ö

ôNothing at all, buddy.? Nothing at all,ö says Kensuke, meaning that he thinks Toji should hurry up and confess to the Class Rep before some other guy snaps her up.? Good home cooking is a valuable skill, after all.

ôUh-heh,ö Shinji groans, ôcan you guys knock it off?? I donÆt even know any girls my age here, except for Horaki-san...and Ayanami.ö? And even those two are just barely.

ôWell, time can fix that,ö? says Kensuke.? Well, time is one thing in short supply for Shinji.? ôWhere ya going Toji?ö Kensuke asks as Toji is rising.

ôIÆve got an idea.? IÆm gonna ask the Class Rep if she knows anybody,ö Toji says as he takes his first few steps away from where he was sitting next to Shinji.? Hikari is eating her lunch at her desk near the front of the classroom, a small gaggle of her fellow girls in a semi-circle around her talking.

ôI donÆt know, Mayu-chan.? HeÆs nice to look at and all.? But he canÆt sing.? I like it when musicians can sing,ö one girl laments.

ôBut looking at him is half the point, Ami-chan,ö the other girl, Mayu apparently, retorts.

ôWell, IÆm not looking at him through my ear buds!ö the girl, apparently named Ami, shoots back.? Whatever Mayu was going to say dies on her lips when Toji walks up.

ôHi Suzahara,ö Hikari says.

ôHey Class Rep., you got a second?ö? Toji asks.

ôSure.? What did you need?ö? Hikari turns to face Toji completely, her hopes rising...well not just her hopes.

ôWell, I was wondering,ö Toji says as he scratches the back of his head absently, ôif you knew any single girls around.ö

And HikariÆs maidenly heart crashes out of her chest and shatters on the floor.? ôUhm, well I might know a few people for you Suzahara.ö

ôHuh?ö? Toji stops scratching his head and brings his arm back down.? ôNo, not for me.? See, ShinjiÆs looking for a girlfriend and I thought you might know someone.ö? And HikariÆs maidenly heart leaps back off the floor and into her chest...well not exactly her chest.

ôOh!? Well, thatÆs a different matter,ö Hikari says with a small sigh of relief.? Then she looks thoughtful as Ami behind her gets a look of panic on her face.? ôWell, thereÆs Cho-san in class 3.ö? Ami is mouthing ôNoö and gesturing wildly behind Hikari.? ôAnd he might like Hina-san.? Alright, IÆll talk to Ikari-kun after school today.ö? Hikari notices AmiÆs gestures behind her.? ôAmi-chan, is something wrong?ö

ôUhh, no.? Nothing is wrong, Hikari,ö Ami lies.

Hikari looks skeptical.? ôAlright.? Suzahara, tell Ikari to talk to me after school today.? IÆll try to get in touch with some people I know.ö

ôGreat, thanks Class Rep.,ö Toji says as he waves goodbye.

ôCrap,ö Ami mutters to herself, ôbetter nip this one in the bud.ö

And there's the next snip. Now, I don't want anyone to think this will end up Shinji/OC. So I'm going to murder that possibility right here and now with excessive force. Ami and Mayu are just there as background characters, mostly. I may do something with Ami later. I won't say who I've decided on for the female lead. But let's just say that Professor Funbags is right in more ways that she could know. Oh, and things will get much, much worse before they start getting better. And we all get to watch Shinji suffer for our amusement.

...

Yes, I'm sadistic. Why do you ask?

 

[BOOKgod22]

Tracked and waiting for the hijinks.

 

[Da-Guru]

After making his escape from an overeager Toji and a nosy Kensuke, Shinji winds his way towards the roof, thinking that he can finish his meal in peace.

ôæThinkingÆ he says like heÆs about to prove me wrong,ö Shinji mutters to himself as Ami follows after him.? ôHow did I know?ö? Shinji asks himself as he turns to face the girl as she calls out to him.

ôIkari-san, can I talk to you for a second?ö Ami asks, coming to stop in front of him.

ôAno, yes?ö Shinji says, looking cautious.? After all, this could very well be a confession.

ôListen Ikari...thereÆs no good way to say this,ö she says with a troubled look, ôso IÆm just going to give it to you.ö Okay, now Shinji is worried.? ôThe rumor mill is already working.? That...ahem,ö she coughs into her hand, ôshow before lunch put blood in the water.ö

ôWhat?ö Shinji asks brilliantly.

ôHow should I say this?? YouÆre the new kid here.? YouÆre...mysterious.? And youÆre not half bad looking, IÆll admit.? And now you just went and put yourself on the market.? The girls are going to go nuts for this.ö

ôWhat girls?ö Shinji asks.

ôAll of them, all of the single girls in the class are probably writing love letters to you right now,ö Ami says with a breath of finality.

ôWhat?? Why?ö

ôDrama, thatÆs why.ö

ôHuh?ö

ôItÆs more dramatic if thereÆs competition.? And they love competition.? TheyÆre going to do everything they can to try and æwinÆ you, Ikari.ö she says, making the air quotes above æwin.Æ? ôThatÆs why I wanted to warn you.ö

Shinji takes a step back.? ôAno, are you?ö

ôAm I what?ö? she asks.

ôI mean,ö he gulps, ôare you...confessing to me?ö

She squeaks out a little snort at that.? ôUhh Ikari, no.ö? Shinji relaxes at that.? ôI honestly donÆt understand why they act like that.? ItÆs immature.? ItÆs hurtful.? And itÆs bullshit!ö? She blushes and covers her mouth at that æbullshit.Æ? They stand like that for a minute, listening to the murmer from the classrooms.? Then she sighs and adds, ôAnd worst of all, Suzahara went and got Hikari-chan involved.ö

ôAno, how is that worse?ö

ôYou donÆt know Hikari-chan like I do.? I love her dearly.? But she tries too hard.? I know she means well, but....ö?

Ami doesnÆt get to finish her sentence as aforementioned Class Representative calls out while approaching the two from behind Ami, ôDid I hear my name?ö

Ami whirls to face the Class Representative, caught.? ôHikari-chan!? I was just telling Ikari-san about your matchmaking skills,ö she lies to save HikariÆs feelings.

Hikari isnÆt fooled.? She sighs, ôIf this is about the time I set you up with KodamaÆs friend....ö

ôNo!? Hikari, it isnÆt about that!? I told you not to blame yourself for that,ö Ami almost squeaks out.

Hikari sighs again, ôThe girls talk, you know.? And I hear them.? They say that I turned you off of boys.ö

ôYou did no such thing, Hikari!? I just decided to focus on my studies.ö? ItÆs not quite a lie.? That little disaster of a date was the deciding factor in our little AmiÆs sudden interest in academic pursuits.? She just wonÆt tell Hikari that.? ôMy father wants me to follow in his footsteps, be a scientist and all.? So I have to get in a good school.ö? ItÆs a lie, a pure fabrication made to soothe HikariÆs guilt.

HikariÆs still not fooled.? ôSo you say, Ami-chan.ö

ôUgh Hikari, you know youÆre my friend.? And I love you dearly.? I forgave you already.? Do I have to forgive you again?ö

ôNo...but there is that guy in class three who has a crush on you....ö? Expertly played, Master Horaki, a perfect game of passive-aggressive manipulation.

ôI...,ö Ami stands dumbfounded, ôIÆll think about it.ö? Thankfully the bell interrupts them before any more awkwardness can ensue.? ôIkari, just remember what I said, okay?ö? Ami says as she turns to go collect her stuff to go back to class.

Next snip. One more scene to go in chapter 3. Next up, I'm writing a scene at Shinji's shoe box. It'll be short.

Anyway, that's Ami in general for you. She's going to be the only sane girl in this fic, the poor girl.

 

[Da-Guru]

Class is almost over for the day and our lucky Shinji has the day off of clean up duty.

ôHooray,ö he says blandly.? The bell ending the day interrupts his celebrations.? He sighs as he shuts down his laptop.? The Class Rep takes a look in his direction.? She already has most of her supplies away.? A single sheet of paper remains on her desk.? She apparently has a prospect for Shinji already.? Shinji carefully puts his stuff away as slowly as he can, hoping to put off this meeting for as long as he can.? He starts with the power supply for the laptop, disconnecting it and wrapping it carefully.? Hikari already has her stuff put up and is walking over.? Shinji starts putting his books into his bag.? HeÆs just getting to his last book when Hikari shows up.

ôAhh, Ikari?ö? Hikari asks from above Shinji.

Shinji sighs as he answers, ôHey, Horaki-san.ö

Hikari doesnÆt look discouraged.? ôWell Ikari, I found a couple of girls that are interested in you.ö? To be honest, she found more than ôa couple.ö? But she doesnÆt want to scare off the poor boy.? ôAnd I think I found someone youÆd be great with!? Her name is....ö

Shinji interrupts her, ôCan we talk and walk?? ItÆs been a long day.ö? ItÆs been a long chapter too, Shinji.

ôSure!ö? She says as he hurries to put the rest of his stuff away.? The classroom is mostly empty now except for a few stragglers.? Rei is still meticulously putting her books away.? And Ami is waiting at the door for Hikari.? Hikari starts again as Shinji rises.? ôWell, the first girl on my list is a bit of a bookworm.? But sheÆs really cute.ö? She continues as they head to the door.? ôAnd she has glasses, you know.? I hear thatÆs got a unique sort of appeal...not that IÆd know,ö she finishes with a nervous chuckle.? ôHer name is Mayumi....ö

ôWait, Yamagishi?ö? Ami interrupts Hikari.? ôIsnÆt she still in the hospital?ö

ôWell, yes and no.? SheÆs getting out later today,ö Hikari says the three of them leave the classroom, Ami taking up a space just behind and to HikariÆs right.

ôAnd isnÆt she really shy?ö? Ami asks from over HikariÆs shoulder.

ôWell, yes she is.? But I figure that she and Shinji have that in common,ö Hikari says.

ôI donÆt know.? ThatÆs not the sort of thing you want to have in common with someone,ö Ami comments again.

ôWell if youÆre so worried, then you can go with them,ö Hikari fires back.

ôUhh, pass,ö Ami surrenders.

ôUhh,ö Shinji interrupts as they approach the stairs, ôthat might not be such a bad idea.? I donÆt really know what IÆm doing on a date anyway.ö

ôHmm, why donÆt you go with them, Hikari?ö Ami asks.

ôWhat?? Two girls with one guy, that could never work,ö Hikari says with some authority.? ItÆs like she knows from experience.? Or at least she knows because her sister had an ôarrangementö with a friend.

ôNo, like a double-date,ö Ami again.

ôBut who would I go with?ö? Hikari asks.

ôWell, what about Suzahara?ö

ôSuzahara?ö? Hikari says with a blush.? ôI donÆt know.ö

Ami skips down a couple steps ahead of Hikari.? ôCome on Hikari, everyone knows youÆre crazy about him.ö? Ami stops in front of the two.? ôThis could be your chance.ö

Hikari doesnÆt stop walking.? ôIt doesnÆt work like that, Ami.ö

ôWhat do you mean?ö? Ami asks, moving to catch up.

ôItÆs just so bland!? I canÆt just walk up to him and ask him out.ö

ôWhy not?ö Ami asks, putting a hand on HikariÆs shoulder.

ôWhereÆs the romance in that?? WhereÆs the spark?ö

ôGirl, you really are delusional.? This isnÆt anime, you know.ö? Ami says with certainty.? SheÆs right, of course.? This isnÆt anime.? But at least now Shinji has an idea of how to help Hikari, if not an idea of why I emphasized ôthis.ö

ôI do?ö? Shinji mutters.? And yes, he does.? He can talk to Toji for Hikari.? Shinji can ask Toji to ask Hikari out.? ôHey Class Rep.,ö he says to Hikari, ôI can talk to Toji-san for you.ö? The two girls stop to look at Shinji, who fell behind a few steps ago.

ôThat could work,ö Hikari says with a thoughtful look.? Ami just looks panicked.? ôAlright Ikari, you talk to Suzahara.? Tell him to call me.? IÆll set everything else up.ö? Hikari says while Ami just keeps mouthing ôNoö from just out of HikariÆs sight.

ôOkay,ö Shinji says as the two girls turn around.? He tunes the rest of the girlsÆ conversation out as they approach the shoe boxes.? And he can already see his box but not his shoes.? ShinjiÆs shoebox is stuffed with letters of all shapes and sizes.? Shinji stops and stares.? ôI canÆt possibly be that popular,ö he thinks to himself.

ôI tried to warn you, Ikari,ö Ami says from where sheÆs seated to put on her shoes.

Shinji stares at the stuffed shoe box for a minute more as Ami finishes with her shoes.? At last, he mutters, ôWhat have I gotten myself into?ö to himself.

ôWelcome to the world of drama that is teenage romance,ö Ami sings.? ôSo what are you going to do with the letters?ö

ôI...I donÆt know.? Help me take them to the garbage?ö? Shinji asks.

ôAhh, smart boy,ö she says with a grin.? ôLetÆs get to work, then.ö

The last of chapter 3. This will go up on FF.net later today or tomorrow.

 

[Da-Guru]

With many delays and a lot of teeth grinding, I finally get some work done on chapter 4. Grad school applications shouldn't be this much trouble.

Stranger than Fanfiction 4: Ikari Shinji Vs the World

ItÆs the night of the big double date and our dear Shinji has run into a bit of a problem.? It seems that nobody thought to arrange for the four of them to actually do anything tonight.

ôIÆm telling yaÆ Class Rep.,ö Toji swears, ôpizza and laser tag would æave been fine.ö? Correction, Toji and Hikari thought about it but canÆt seem to agree on it, even during said date.? TheyÆre on their way to pick up the fourth member of their comedy troupe.

And Shinji thinks to himself, ôIf the æcomedyÆ ending is supposed to be good, then why are my intestines trying to throttle my brain?ö

He happens to miss HikariÆs response to Toji in his thoughts.? But TojiÆÆs boisterous counter comes through loud and clear, emphasis on loud.? ôHey Shin-man!? Can you believe the Class Rep?ö

ôPlease leave me out of this, Suzahara-san,ö Shinji sighs out.? ItÆs for the best, really.? One husband is enough in most relationships.? ôHonestly, the two of you fight like youÆre already married.ö? The young couple has the decency to blush at ShinjiÆs comment.? Though, itÆs not like theyÆd admit to being a couple.

Hikari recovers first.? ôAhem, well the matter remains.? We still have to decide what to do tonight.ö

ôDidnÆt Yamagishi-san just get out of the hospital?ö Shinji asks.

ôYeah, thatÆs right,ö Toji supplies.

ôWell, I didnÆt want to do much of anything the first couple of days after I got out of the hospital.ö? ShinjiÆs two companions wince as he says it.? ôSo while laser tag and romantic strolls sound great and all, I think we should stick to something low impact.ö

After a minute of contemplation, Hikari finally says, ôWell, I guess I could settle for pizza instead of a picnic.ö

ôSure, but what are we gonna do afterwards?ö? Toji asks.

ôWell, are there any music stores around here?ö? Shinji asks hopefully.? Really, the boy loves his Classical music.

ôNo,ö? Toji interjects.

Hikari interrupts, ôThere is that one on 11nth and 23rd.? But thatÆs all the way across the city.ö? Shinji doesnÆt slump in dejection, honest.? But he does cast his eyes down a bit more.

ôIÆve never heard of that one,ö Toji puts in.

ôYeah, I wouldnÆt know about it if it werenÆt for Ami.? She likes to hang out there after school,ö Hikari explains.

ôUhh,ö Shinji interjects before the young couple can start in again, ômaybe we can just go to the library or something.? TheyÆve got music there, too.ö

ôThe library, Ikari?? Really?ö? Hikari deadpans.

ôMan, even I know that thatÆs a bad idea,ö Toji puts his two cents in.

ôWeÆll come up with something, Ikari,ö Hikari tries to reassure the tag-along.? They fall into a companionable silence, companionable for Toji and Hikari.? ShinjiÆs nerves are on end.

ôWell, I canÆt help it!? There are just so many things that could go wrong tonight,ö he thinks harshly.? He wonÆt have long to worry, though.? It seems that theyÆre coming up upon his young maidenÆs home.

And there is the first of what will soon be chapter 4. I've just gotten started again.

I need some inspiration for Mayumi. I have no mental frame for her character, aside from "Shinji in a skirt." I may just have to run with that.

I have some ideas for Mana and Asuka now.

Again, sorry for the delays.

 

[Da-Guru]

ôAnd please donÆt call her my æmaiden.Æ? It sounds weird.ö? And older man answers the door shortly after the class rep. knocks.

ôHi Yamagishi-san, weÆre here to pick up Mayu-chan,ö Hikari chirps cheerfully at MayumiÆs father.

ôGood evening, Horaki-san,ö the man says sourly.? ôMayu!ö he shouts back into the house, ôYour friend is here to pick you up.ö? The trio outside donÆt hear Mayumi scrambling to finish getting dressed upstairs or her indignant squeaks as she trips and loses her glasses under the bed...again.? She calls down to her father, with a small bit of stuttering, that sheÆll be another minute.? ôWell, you three had better come in.? Seems sheÆs going to be another minute.? And I wanted to talk to you.ö? Hooray!? We get to see a real, live overprotective father in his natural habitat.? As Shinji enters, he canÆt help but notice the lack of a baseball bat or other traditional angry father weapon in the entryway, at least as far as he can see.? The father leads the group into a living room which nearly sets off ShinjiÆs cleaning instincts.? ItÆs not really messy.? The colloquial term would be ôlived in.ö? But it is fairly obvious that this is a single parent household just like every other household in Tokyo 3.? Before Shinji can wonder about that last bit, the father gestures for the group of youngsters to sit down on an aged but strangely not lumpy couch, probably a sign of disuse.? As the father sits down into an equally underused chair, he asks them, ôSo, what did you have planned for the evening?ö

ôAno....ö? Shinji starts.

ôWell, we didnÆt really....ö Toji interrupts.

ôNothing too strenuous, I hope?ö? Daddy asks.

ôActually....ö? Shinji starts again.? Really, they have to let him talk at some point.

ôOf course not, Yamagishi-san.? We donÆt want her to strain herself so soon,ö Hikari interjects.? ...Shinji doesnÆt have to talk now.? But still....

ôWell, thatÆs good, at least,ö Daddy says evenly.? ôWhere, exactly, are you going, anyway?ö

ôUhh....ö? Toji starts.

ôWe donÆt really know yet,ö Hikari finishes.

ôWell, you could always go to the library,ö Daddy suggests....wait.? What?

ôUhm, I donÆt know about that, Yamagishi-san,ö Hikari shoots down the idea...again.? Okay, whatÆs so bloody interesting at the library?

ôI already suggested that, sir,ö Shinji admits.

ôWell, I suppose that it might not seem so exciting.? But Mayu-chan certainly loves to read.? Now what is taking that girl?ö? Daddy asks as he gets up to check on his daughter.? While the only taxpayer in the house talks to his little girl, the three teens get back to figuring out what to do.

ôWell, any other ideas?ö Shinji asks, knowing that neither of them can think of anything.

ôUhm....ö? Toji hums.

ôWell....ö Hikari tries to explain.

Shinji sighs, exasperated.? ôWell, how about we just do a movie?? How does that sound?ö

Toji is the first to respond, ôI guess that could work.ö

ôI suppose we can settle,ö Hikari chimes in, just as a crash resounds from upstairs.? The three teens fall silent to listen for more.? After a few secondsÆ wait, theyÆre rewarded with a door slamming open and the muffled grunting of a determined father.

ôMayu, I know youÆre nervous.? But you have to get out of this house sometime!ö Daddy growls at his daughter from the top of the stairs.

ôBut Daddy, what about the...?ö she asks, reluctantly taking the first few steps down.

ôIÆll handle the mess.? You go have fun.? YouÆve been cooped up in this house for too long!ö

ôOkay, Daddy.ö? she says as she reaches the bottom.? She almost makes it into the living room when she spots the other teens staring in her direction.? The phrase ôdeer in headlightsö comes to mind as she freezes in place with an almost inaudible squeak.

Her father coughs behind her, eliciting another squeak from Mayumi.? ôMayu, donÆt be rude.? Say hi to our guests.ö? he says with a nudge to his daughter.

ôH-h-h-hi...everyone.ö? And with those stuttered words, the awkward silence returns in full force.? It doesnÆt last long.? Thankfully, Daddy is there to break the silence.

ôWell now, I think youÆve wasted enough time talking to this old man.? Now get going!ö The kids jump up as he talks.? As he shuffles them out of the door, he finishes, ôBe careful, Mayu.? And donÆt forget to have fun!ö? Once the door is closed behind them, the teens canÆt help but wonder what all the hurry is about.? Thankfully, they canÆt see Daddy begin the ritual known as the ôHouse to Myself Dance.ö? It involves tissues, lotion, and copious amounts of internet porn.? And all Shinji can do is groan.

Well, thar ya go. I got done with that scene. I found an inspiration for Mayumi: Fluttershy. And I found an inspiration for Mana: Rainbow Dash. Don't judge me.

Grar, this is so frustrating, trying to write this with everything going on in my life. I wish I had more time to write. I'll keep at it, though.

 

[Da-Guru]

ItÆs been a few hours since they left the Yamagishi household.? Shinji and his companions are trying to enjoy a good movie about Second Impact.? ThereÆs just one problem with their plan.

ôThis movie is....ö? Shinji starts to comment.

ôBad,ö Toji finishes for him.? ôWay bad.ö

ôCome on.? ItÆs not that bad,ö Hikari admonishes.

ôI can see them reading their cue cards!ö Toji exclaims.

ôWell, yeah.? I can see that.? But at least itÆs trying to stay true to the source here.? We canÆt say that for the American Godzilla movie.ö? Hikari defends.

ôAlright, IÆll give you that.? But at least the special effects were fun to watch in that movie.? This...I canÆt even eat popcorn to this.ö Toji acknowledges the point.

ôMayumi-san, what do you think?ö? Shinji asks his date.

ôAno, itÆs...loud,ö she admits.

ôAnd you donÆt like loud things?ö? Shinji asks.

ôI...guess so,ö she canÆt seem to get out.? She keeps sneaking glances behind them to where another young couple are making out.? And now ShinjiÆs eyes seek out the amorous pair that caught his dateÆs attention.? Well, they had caught her attention.? Now she seems to be very focused on a spilled tub of popcorn next to the screen...and blushing furiously about something.

Toji apparently also noticed.? ôMm, I think theyÆve got the right idea.ö

ôSit back down Suzahara,ö Hikari admonishes.

ôWhat?? ItÆs not like anybody comes to watch this crap,ö Toji defends himself.

ôSuzahara!? Language!ö

Shinji speaks up before their bickering can escalate into a full blown fight, ôLetÆs just get out of here guys.ö

ôWhere would we go?ö? Hikari asks.

ôI think thereÆs a club not too far from here,ö Toji suggests.

The next scene is going to occur at a club. Hilarity abounds, ladies and gentlemen.

 

[Watashiwa]

Oh right, this is a thing that happens sometimes. Been meaning to comment on this... One problem that I have with a lot of fanfics is the use of Japanese in an English work. Sometimes it can work, other times it grates on my nerves. This is one of the latter: using "Anou" or its phonetic variants is irritating. Using the English equivalents is fine. Since you aren't using Japanese suffixes it stands out more as unnecessary.

 

[Da-Guru]

Actually, that's a bit of a plot point. The Narrator doesn't use Japanese honorifics. But the characters do. It's a part of the Narrator's characterization. Besides, I try to preserve verbal ticks. It helps to keep people in character.