The horrors of fiction!

GenocideHeart · Mar 3, 2006

What makes a bad fic, well... bad? The answer to this question varies from person to person, but most will agree on a couple things:

1) Atrocious grammar

The most classic example for this, which I already linked many times, is the following fic:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1017864/1/

While this is a particularly radioactive and toxic specimen, many fics have similarly bad grammar. If you just HAVE to post bullshit, at least make it readable bullshit, I say. Not something that makes you wish you had a red hot poker to drive in your eyesockets until it fries your brain and puts you out of your misery.

2) Excessively short chapters

For shortfics, drabbles and oneshots this is even acceptable, but if you're going to make a multi-chaptered fic like this one...

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2749072/1/

...well, you want to write more than 10 lines total. All the material in those 3 chapters could've easily fit (and flown better) in a single one. As it is, it feels awkward and disjointed, two things that sould be avoided in fanfics.

Well, this is for starters. Look forward to me ranting more on the topic.

Israfel · Mar 3, 2006

Hehe, I think I've found the ultimate fic for this, read at your own risk.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1545778/1/

This is the story I mentioned earlier that had a total of one sentence in the first chapter.

Fatuous One · Mar 3, 2006

This is on only a slightly related subject, but you guys may find this amusing.

How to write a NaruSasu fic

I swear, this must really be what some of those 'authors' actually do... <_<

SimmyC · Mar 3, 2006

Heh. I know the first super short fic. I even reviewed all three chapters of it. The second one with the one sentence first chapter? THAT is bad! My goodness, when you publish a story, at least make an effort to write at least a few paragraphs!

I remember this one Yu Yu Hakasho that was litterally six or seven chapters, but...it was probably shorter than "Pretend?" if you can believe that. I'm sure that its still at FFN, but, for a number of reasons, I have no intention of bring up the link here. Why waste my valuable time on a REALLY bad fic? <_<

And that NaruSasu guild is freaking hilarious! :lol:

H-Man · Mar 3, 2006

*Twitch*

*Twitch*

*Grabs a Vileplume.*

*Raises a rusty spork.*

DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE! *Starts gouging out the eyes of the Vileplume with the spork.*

Mighty Bob · Mar 3, 2006

Heh, I've seen that page before Fatuous One; on Krakenghosts livejournal I think. And it was agreed by all that somewhere on FFN a link to taht page had to be posted for all those intending to write a Naruto fic. Forgot how amusing/scarey it was to read. Especially the Itachi part. Creepy.

Simmy, that avatar's awesome; from the Movie right, where Urd forces Bell to take that memory potion thinger?

Reminds me of the conversation I was having with GH last night bout AMG, and the fact that I need to finish reading his story right now, before he comes to eat my soul...

GenocideHeart · Mar 3, 2006

Mighty Bob said:

Too late! *eats your soul*

SimmyC · Mar 3, 2006

Heh. Yup Mighty Bob, from the movie. Of course, it's great since, unless you have seen the movie and know the context, you'd think it was something really wrong for a number of reasons! ^_^

hawker_748 · Mar 4, 2006

<Sound of bolt being closed on a Barrett .50 Cal>

Where do I find the...author...of this...story?

SimmyC · Mar 4, 2006

Ugh. That one was bad.

But you have to give him some credit, his later chapters are of...okay length. In other words, more than A SINGLE sentence. BUT, that doesn't make it any better either. -_-

Israfel · Mar 4, 2006

Ugh, even if it is longer it's just longer crap, the entire story just goes "OMG! HArry yur actuuly an elven prnice! Ad u ned 2 mrry tonks! woot woot! WTF haryys uber poerful, tonks lovs his slek maan body cause it so hot an d it teh sex!" Yup it's just that bad. I think the thing that urks me the most is that then, after a one-sentence chapter, the author has the audacity to say "Ha ha, CLIFFHANGERE, got you!" :angry:

hawker_748 · Mar 4, 2006

Audacity? That word is reserved for feats of daring and risk...

Better words would be "gall', "nerve", or "temerity"

Don't give the bastard more credit than he deserves...

SimmyC · Mar 4, 2006

I didn't even bother reading it beyond that one sentence. Heck, I didn't even read that one sentence first chapter. If they don't put the effort to make it even half-way decent, then there is no reason for me to read it.

Israfel · Mar 4, 2006

Audacity is generally used when someone does something incredibly boldly rude such as "And he had the audacity to say it was my fault!". The dictionary definition is Bold or insolent heedlessness of restraints, as of those imposed by prudence, propriety, or convention.

hawker_748 · Mar 4, 2006

And while we're on the subject of bad fanfiction...

Does anyone else remember 'OSCAR'?

Those of you who've never heard of him, are scratching your heads. :huh:

Those of you who do, are cursing me for resurrecting the memory in your minds... :angry:

Israfel · Mar 4, 2006

'Remember'? Does that mean this 'infamous' OSCAR is no longer present in the fancition community?

hawker_748 · Mar 4, 2006

Only if God is no longer mad at us...

Or are you talking about ANOTHER 'Oscar', not the "Artemis's Lover" one?

Israfel · Mar 4, 2006

No, I don't know any 'OSCAR's I was just asking a question about the way you had phrased it. I do not know the one you are talking about.

hawker_748 · Mar 4, 2006

Then you're lucky...

He 'surfaced,' much the way a dead body in a river might, in the early 1990's, with A SI story that inserted himself in the Sailor Moon world.

Once there, he (poorly) wrote a sexual encounter between himself and Artemis. Yes, THAT Artemis, the white cat...

Just like a big turd hitting the water, he made a splash...

I read a MST of it that made it somewhat bearable, but the raw story...

It would make an effective interrogation, make that TORTURE method. I'd rather have a car battery hooked up to my balls than read one of his works un-MSTed...

GenocideHeart · Mar 4, 2006

I'm going to hate myself for that but... link?

SimmyC · Mar 4, 2006

OMG (and I don't mean the series).

I'm with GenocideHeart on this, I'm probably going to hate myself in saying this but...link?

MST version would be fine. After all, that might be able to help maintain my sanity just a bit more.

Fatuous One · Mar 4, 2006

God, you people are masochistic...

Oscar's fic is really lemon material (and all the worse for it), so I posted a link in the lemon forum.

May you scream in utter agony.

Chaos Blade · Mar 4, 2006

I guess it is the railroad accident syndrome... can't look but cant look away.

Now, regarding this author...

*mechanical sounds odly reminicent of a 16 inch. naval gun loader are heard*

...Is he relatively close to water?

SimmyC · Mar 4, 2006

My goodness! I'm not even halfway through that MST version of the fic, and I'm already feeling green! And the supposive age of the author... :wacko:

hawker_748 · Mar 4, 2006

Too small... :angry:

Need something bigger... <_<

<Sound of Minuteman III missile silo blast cover sliding open>

Or even better...

Cut to Darth Vader's control room on the Death Star...

Phone rings.

<Deep breathing> Yes...?

Hi there Darth! I got a favor to ask you...

The horrors of fiction!

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