Bleach Things Shinigami are not allowed to do

[Luthorne]

54) Despite the wheels, Vice-Captain Yachiru's bankai is not, in fact, a train. So, everyone off.

54a) Yes, Gin. No choo-choo for you.

55) The gargantuan execution device that looks like a guillotine on steroids is not, in fact, a see-saw.

55a) Nor is it a swing.

55b) Look, Gin, I'm sure someone's got a playground somewhere.

55c) No, Kurotsuchi does not have permission to build you one. The idea scares everyone else anyways.

 

[zerohour]

56. Going to the mortal world and haunting people is forbidden.
56.a. Posing as a dead lover/ancestor/friend is likewise forbidden.

57. Asking Captain Aizen to create a harem illusion for you is forbidden.

58. We don't know what a "Ghost Buster" is, but to be on the safe side, avoid contact with all mortals who have a funky theme song.

 

[Revanant Dragoon]

59. Asking Captain Kurotsuchi if he's made any 'fun extras' to his vice-captain is now an offence punishable by 10 to 20 years imprisonment (And yes, that is being fair- the other option would be to let Captain Kurotsuchi mete out the punishment.)

59-a. Captain Kurotsuchi is no longer allowed to suggest possible punishments for violators for this, or any other rule. We don't need to know what you do in your spare time, Captain. - Captain Komamura

59-b. If the violator of rule 59 actually succeeds in getting an answer, there will be a 5 to 10 year reduction in sentence. - Captain Kyoraku

59-c. Addedum 59-b is hereby repealed, and Captain Kyoraku must now submit any and all future addedums to his vice-captain for approval - General Yamamoto

 

[Luthorne]

60) Vice Captain Nemu does not have a 'rocket punch'.

60a) Sorry, Renji, no matter what you say, that was just a regular punch.

60b) Seriously, shut up about it! No one believes you!

61) Captain Kurotsuchi does not carry his Vice Captain in a suitcase.

61a) Yes, we're sure.

62) No one is allowed to let Captain Kurotsuchi watch Neon Genesis Evangelion. Ever. At all. No. We're not sure what would happen, but we don't want to find out.

62a) THIS DEFINITELY INCLUDES YOU, URAHARA.

63) Kurotsuchi is not allowed to make giant robots. That creepy baby bankai thing of his is bad enough. We don't want to know what he'd do with giant robots, dammit.

63a) SEE RULE #62!

 

[jaredstar]

64. for your own safety stay the hell out of new york city

 

[Takerial]

65: No one is allowed to give Kenpachi kittens and tell him it's a real world delicacy, no matter how funny it is to see him eat them.

65a. This includes any cute cuddly animals, you people are sick.

 

[Luthorne]

66) Stay away from Amity Park. They're not Hollows, we don't know what the hell they are, but they're not Hollows.

66a) I mean, seriously, they have people that can change from being alive to a spiritual entity? That's crazy!

66b) Oh, this is going to come back and bite me in the ass, isn't it?

66c) Crazy Americans.

 

[S J C]

66d) No Captain Kurotsuchi you may not experiment on the entities in Amity Park.

67) The kenseikan is a symbol of nobility and leadership is not however made form the masks of hollows Captain Kuchiki has slain.

67a) Nether is it the reminds of the mask he wore before it was purified.

67b) It is not all that remands of his mask as Captain Kuchiki is not an arrancar anyone spreading rumours to of such shall face between 5 and 10 years in prison.

67c) And it is not part of his Vizard mask. anyone spreading rumours to of such shall face between 5 and 10 years in prison.

 

[WOLead]

68) Chicago, Illinois in North America is added to the list of Restricted Access areas.

68a) Yes, this includes Captains too.

68b) Zaraki, no. You may not go there to fight the Reanimated T-Rex for fun. Its already dead...again.

68c) Again Zaraki, no. You may not go and threaten Mr. Dresden there to bring back the dinosaur for you to fight. This includes anyone or anything else.



69) All Shinigami, please cease bringing giant spotlights and costumes when a person has a near-death experience. So put the Jedi costumes and lightsaber toys away, we won't have the Jedi religion become the next big thing as a joke.



70) Elvis is banned from leaving Soul Society. He is dead, and should not go to the living world to make the fools there believe otherwise.


71) Mr. Black is not the King of Soul Society. Despite the rumors saying so.

71a) No, he is not a Shinigami or a Death either.

71b) What do you mean he has a Zanpakuto?

71c) Urahara! Stop playing around with that mortal! We know you have been each Shopkeeper he has visited. Wasn't Ichigo enough fun for this Century?

 

[Prince Charon]

71c) Urahara! Stop playing around with that mortal! We know you have been each Shopkeeper he has visited. Wasn't Ichigo enough fun for this Century?

:snigger: He would, too.

 

[S J C]

68) Chicago, Illinois in North America is added to the list of Restricted Access areas.

68a) Yes, this includes Captains too.

68b) Zaraki, no. You may not go there to fight the Reanimated T-Rex for fun. Its already dead...again.

68c) Again Zaraki, no. You may not go and threaten Mr. Dresden there to bring back the dinosaur for you to fight. This includes anyone or anything else.



69) All Shinigami, please cease bringing giant spotlights and costumes when a person has a near-death experience. So put the Jedi costumes and lightsaber toys away, we won't have the Jedi religion become the next big thing as a joke.



70) Elvis is banned from leaving Soul Society. He is dead, and should not go to the living world to make the fools there believe otherwise.


71) Mr. Black is not the King of Soul Society. Despite the rumors saying so.

71a) No, he is not a Shinigami or a Death either.

71b) What do you mean he has a Zanpakuto?

71c) Urahara! Stop playing around with that mortal! We know you have been each Shopkeeper he has visited. Wasn't Ichigo enough fun for this Century?

(Dresden why didn't I think of that. :rofl: :rofl: )

72) The Fae Queens are to treated with respect.

72a) It is not respectful to ask them if you can dissect them.

72b) It is also not respectful to jump them to get a fight.

72c) Only the Captains of 1st, <s>5th,</s> 6th, 10th, and 13th division may speak to a Fae.

72d) Seriously we don't need a 3 front war no matter how fun you might find it Captain Zaraki.

 

[jaredstar]

73. all shinigami are advised to steer clear of endsville.
73 a. if you must go there stay clear of boys name billy and girls named mandy

 

[Luthorne]

75) The Terminator has been added to 'The List of Movies Zaraki Kenpachi' is not allowed to watch.

76) No, there are no aliens in Japan, Kenpachi, and even if they were, you wouldn't be allowed to fight them.

77) Yachiru, stop picking on Koenma. We don't need more issues with Hell, dammit.

77a) You too, Zaraki. I don't care how punchable his face is.

78) No, Loki's avatar is not a Hollow. I don't care if he's wearing a mask. It's green, anyways, not white.

78b) You still can't experiment with it, Kurotsuchi.

78c) You either, Urahara.

78d) No, Yachiru is not allowed to wear it! And 'just to see what happens' is not a valid excuse!

 

[Shaderic]

79) Fuyuki City is currently a restricted access area.

79a)No, Zaraki. There's nothing there. Nothing at all. In fact, it's probably very peaceful.
79b)*classified* Urahara is not allowed to compete in the Holy Grail War, using a future version of himself as a Servant.

 

[S J C]

80) Urahara just because you were banished does not mean you may ignore the list.

80a) Yoruichi this goes for you too.

80b) And you Isshin.

 

[Reikson]

81. Kurosaki Ichigo, whatever it is that you've been doing with Shiba Kuukaku, STOP IT! She's begun humming, and that's scarier than Yachiru on a sugar binge.

81a. Hey, I've been trying to get away from her! Is it my fault that nobody knew that she had this thing for Kaien and has been hunting me down to replace him?!?

 

[S J C]

81. Kurosaki Ichigo, whatever it is that you've been doing with Shiba Kuukaku, STOP IT! She's begun humming, and that's scarier than Yachiru on a sugar binge.

81a. Hey, I've been trying to get away from her! Is it my fault that nobody knew that she had this thing for Kaien and has been hunting me down to replace him?!?

81b) Kurosaki Ichigo as a substitute Shinigami you are afforded all the rights and privileges of an academy student as such you may not write on the list.

81c) There is also a thing called too much information keep you're bedroom activities off the list. -- General Yamamoto

 

[zerohour]

82. The exploration of the possibilities of alternate Soul Societies is strictly forbidden.

82.a Seriously, if you think Kenpachi is bad, think about how it would be if he got PMS!

 

[DhampyrX2]

83) There is no such thing as the "Multiverse Incarnation of Death Ball" and if there were we would not be hosting it. Telling people that there is such an event is wrong.

83a) Pursuant to rule #82 that means that we need to send The Grim Reaper, Endsville's Grim Reaper, Botan, DCU's Death, the Spectre, Yagami Light and his...shinigami, that thing in the giant white wig with the tanto in its mouth, and all other non native Death incarnations home. They do not belong here.

83b) No Yachiru, you can't keep the Grim Squeaker as a pet. He has a job to do just like the rest of us.

83c) Captain Unohana will remove the oar after you apologize to Botan, Captain Shunsui.


84) Captain Aizen is forbidden from serving cake, not matter how deliscious it is.


85) Offering Captain General Yamamoto viagra is not funny and will leave you open to his wrath.

85a) Don't offer him Depends either.

 

[Cornuthaum]

86.) High-yield impact triggered incendiary devices are not confetti for Vice-Captain Kusajishi to throw around. If you want to burn, ask the Commander-General to end your pain. And save us the collateral damage.

87.) Do not challange Captain Aizen to a friendly game of chess. We wish to keep the peace in Soul Society - C.G. Yamamoto

88.) Seated officers are discouraged of testing devices containing "Terrifying", "Torment" and/or "Torture". Even if you like that stuff, we Captains prefer out meetings to be held without having to listen to Captain /Urahara/ Kurotsuchi laughing manically all the way. - Captain Ukitake J.

89.) All personel of the Seireitei armed forces are advised not to unduly antagonize their superiors. Physical violence is an accepted method of establishing order in the ranks. Nonetheless, my squad is overworked and I frown at people who are sent to us with no excuse for their injuries. - Captain Unohana R.

 

[~NGD OMEGA~]

90.) Experimenting with how much you can say to Captain Hitsugaya before he gets pissed off is an unwise choice of spending your time, despite how much your buddies told you they'd give you for it.

B. Consequently turning the third division into an iceburg is forbidden as well. I don't care what Kira said, or how amusing Gin thinks it is.

91.) Captain Mayuri is to remove the wooden plaque with certain names on them from his walls immediately. Also he is to stop randomly walking up to people and measuring thier heads to check the size.

B. Seriously, Captain Hitsugaya is mad enough about the thought of his head resting on a wall next to Shinigami Representative-Kurosaki and the Quincy Ishida.

C. I don't care if Captain Kenpachi thinks his plaque is amusing, take them down. You're just lucky he didn't notice the one for Yachiru.

 

[Cornuthaum]

92.) Violence is not the answer. - Captain Unohana R.
92a.) Violence is the answer, provided that you use enough of it. - Captain Zaraki K.

93.) Asking Captain Ichimaru to prove whether he is a sadist or not is unwise. We have no idea how the pieces of the last shinigami to do this wound up all over the place. - Vice Captain Izuru K.

94.) HAY HAY NO CHALENNIN THE WEENIES OF MAI DIVISION TO FAITZ, BAHSTURDS! - Unknown.

95.) Ascension to the rank of captain by means of Trial by Combat has been suspended for the duration of the War Effort against former Captain Aizen. Representative Kurosaki is, however, to be treated like one. - Commander-General Yamamoto
95a.) (burnt into the parchment) Won't help you in the long run, old man....

 

[S J C]

96) Kenpatchi you are not to trigger Armageddon so you may fight the lord of the dammed.

96a) We don't care if you can take him.

96b) Return the Behelit to <s>Captain Mayuri</s> General Yamamoto Immediately.

 

[jaredstar]

97. Any and all video surveillance of Inoue Orihime's apartment is to be sent to my office for review. -C.G. Yamamoto

 

[Luthorne]

98) Evangeline A.K. McDowell is not allowed within the boundaries of Soul Society.

98a) She is especially not allowed anywhere near Gin.

98b) Oh, god...they just smiled...and smiled...and...and then...! Blood! Everywhere! I still see it...

98c) Everyone involved in the infamous 'Evangeline-Gin Smile Incident' is entitled to recieve free counseling.

98d) No, alcohol does not count as counseling. ...Though it does help, dammit.