Bleach Things Shinigami are not allowed to do
- Thread starter Prince Charon
- Start date
102. Tohno Shiki is not a Shinigami.
102a. Taking off his glasses does not mean he is activating Shikai.
102b. And assuming a new personality does not mean he has Bankai.
102c. It does mean that you are to stay far, far away from him.
102d. Yes, we can take him, but his harem would destroy the world.
102e. Will someone give him back the frikken chair already?!
102a. Taking off his glasses does not mean he is activating Shikai.
102b. And assuming a new personality does not mean he has Bankai.
102c. It does mean that you are to stay far, far away from him.
102d. Yes, we can take him, but his harem would destroy the world.
102e. Will someone give him back the frikken chair already?!
103. All substitute souls will be now be screened. We don't need more perverts like Kon taking over bodies while our resident Shinigami are doing patrols on earth.
104. No, Kenpachi is NOT actually Yachiru's Bankai. Stop asking.
105. New graduates from the academy are NOT expected to haunt members of the Quincy family, and telling them this is punishable by being forced into a battle with Kenpachi.
106. When Commander General Yamamoto and Captain Hitsugaya are in the same room, it is NOT required for someone to begin singing Pat Benatar's "Fire and Ice" and you should stop telling telling academy students that, Shunsui.
106.B. Being drunk is not a valid excuse.
107. Vice-Captain Matsumoto is to go to greater lengths to keep from "spilling out" during a battle. While it has led to the defeat of countless male Hollows, and even three Arrancar, it has also knocked out countless shinigami at the same time.
108. To whoever keeps saying that it is the duty of all female members of the 4th Division to hug their patients to their bosom and make cooing noises, .... thank you. I will bake you a cake every day if you tell me who you are.
109. Rule 108 has been repealed. Those responsible have been punished.
109.A. Anyone who tells female trainees of the 4th Division that hugging patients to their bosom and making cooing noises is how their healing abilities work will be treated to being Captain Kenpachi's sparring partner for a month. And no, time in recovery will not count towards the alloted time for the punishment.
104. No, Kenpachi is NOT actually Yachiru's Bankai. Stop asking.
105. New graduates from the academy are NOT expected to haunt members of the Quincy family, and telling them this is punishable by being forced into a battle with Kenpachi.
106. When Commander General Yamamoto and Captain Hitsugaya are in the same room, it is NOT required for someone to begin singing Pat Benatar's "Fire and Ice" and you should stop telling telling academy students that, Shunsui.
106.B. Being drunk is not a valid excuse.
107. Vice-Captain Matsumoto is to go to greater lengths to keep from "spilling out" during a battle. While it has led to the defeat of countless male Hollows, and even three Arrancar, it has also knocked out countless shinigami at the same time.
108. To whoever keeps saying that it is the duty of all female members of the 4th Division to hug their patients to their bosom and make cooing noises, .... thank you. I will bake you a cake every day if you tell me who you are.
109. Rule 108 has been repealed. Those responsible have been punished.
109.A. Anyone who tells female trainees of the 4th Division that hugging patients to their bosom and making cooing noises is how their healing abilities work will be treated to being Captain Kenpachi's sparring partner for a month. And no, time in recovery will not count towards the alloted time for the punishment.
(But Revan is so much cooler than Vader)
111: No Zaraki is NOT the God of War and if you continue to get academy students to worship him, there will be punishment.
111b: The fact that those that worship him seem to have an easier time performing Kido does not mean his unfarthamble power is leeking down to his priests .
111c: GOD DAMMIT!
112: Captain Utikite is not Hayate Gekko reincarnated.
113: Anybody telling academy students that the proper way to address members of the fourth divions is along the lines of 'Go make me some pie" will be forced to be Zaraki's sparring partner for a year. Following that they may or may not be assigned th roll of doing Captain-General Yamamoto's paperwork for a month. You have been warned.
114: Captain Kyraku is not the great attractor and he end of the universe.
114b: Even if you swore that you saw a bottle of sake float across the room to his hand Renji.
114c: Yes we are sure.
111: No Zaraki is NOT the God of War and if you continue to get academy students to worship him, there will be punishment.
111b: The fact that those that worship him seem to have an easier time performing Kido does not mean his unfarthamble power is leeking down to his priests .
111c: GOD DAMMIT!
112: Captain Utikite is not Hayate Gekko reincarnated.
113: Anybody telling academy students that the proper way to address members of the fourth divions is along the lines of 'Go make me some pie" will be forced to be Zaraki's sparring partner for a year. Following that they may or may not be assigned th roll of doing Captain-General Yamamoto's paperwork for a month. You have been warned.
114: Captain Kyraku is not the great attractor and he end of the universe.
114b: Even if you swore that you saw a bottle of sake float across the room to his hand Renji.
114c: Yes we are sure.
116. Kurosaki Ichigo is not allowed to charge for his manwhore business.
116a. Kurosaki Ichigo is not allowed to manwhore himself to anyone in Soul Society.
116b. Kurosaki Ichigo is henceforth banned from the premises of the Shinigami Women's Association Office.
116c. Trying to sneak him in is futile, Matsumoto.
117. Elvis is win. You. Must. Remember.
118. No one is to mention the words "Oedipus Complex" and "Motherfucker" to Ichigo.
119. Vice-Captain Renji is henceforth banned from the 12th Division research complex until... forever.
119b. Mad Scientist Renji is too much God Mode.
120. C4 is NOT an adequate replacement when your Zanpakutou's out of commision and you're surrounded by some thousands of Hollows.
120b. Neither is the Neutron bomb.
121. Kubo Tite is GOD and Kishimoto is THE DEVIL. Do not confuse this.
116a. Kurosaki Ichigo is not allowed to manwhore himself to anyone in Soul Society.
116b. Kurosaki Ichigo is henceforth banned from the premises of the Shinigami Women's Association Office.
116c. Trying to sneak him in is futile, Matsumoto.
117. Elvis is win. You. Must. Remember.
118. No one is to mention the words "Oedipus Complex" and "Motherfucker" to Ichigo.
119. Vice-Captain Renji is henceforth banned from the 12th Division research complex until... forever.
119b. Mad Scientist Renji is too much God Mode.
120. C4 is NOT an adequate replacement when your Zanpakutou's out of commision and you're surrounded by some thousands of Hollows.
120b. Neither is the Neutron bomb.
121. Kubo Tite is GOD and Kishimoto is THE DEVIL. Do not confuse this.
122. Telling new souls that they will end up as part of our walls if they are non-religious is henceforth forbidden.
123. Even if Captain Kurotsuchi thinks it could be done.
123 b. Especially if Captain Kurotsuchi thinks it could be done.
124. I don't care if it was 'just a joke'; mentioning this "Valhalla" around Captain Kenpachi is henceforth forbidden.
- Kelenas
123. Even if Captain Kurotsuchi thinks it could be done.
123 b. Especially if Captain Kurotsuchi thinks it could be done.
124. I don't care if it was 'just a joke'; mentioning this "Valhalla" around Captain Kenpachi is henceforth forbidden.
- Kelenas
125. The Seireitei edition of the Legend of the Five Rings release date has been put off indefinitely.
126. While it is understandable that certain individuals might wish to keep the alternate universe Captain Zaraki (who is, if anything, more obnoxiously civilised than Captain Kuchiki) and let the other universe keep ours, it is nonetheless reprensible to expect the Captain-General to have to explain this to Yachiru.
126.a. Why you also want to keep the alternate Captain Kuchiki, who makes Kenpachi Zaraki look like a peacenik hippy is quite beyond me. DENIED.
126. While it is understandable that certain individuals might wish to keep the alternate universe Captain Zaraki (who is, if anything, more obnoxiously civilised than Captain Kuchiki) and let the other universe keep ours, it is nonetheless reprensible to expect the Captain-General to have to explain this to Yachiru.
126.a. Why you also want to keep the alternate Captain Kuchiki, who makes Kenpachi Zaraki look like a peacenik hippy is quite beyond me. DENIED.
Complete list Will do this every 3 pages to help keep track of it.
Things Shinigami are not allowed to do
Every few generations, the Shinigami start a slightly serious, slightly humourous list of 'Things Shinigami are not Allowed to do'. It is the only written evidence that Captain-General Yamamoto has any trace of a sense of humour.
1.) Peeping on the women's changing room is strictly forbidden. That means you, too, Shunsui.
(By General Yamamoto's order, that rule has headed every iteration of the list for two thousand years. The fact that Nanao knew this, and still chose to join the Eighth Division, says a great deal about her.)
1b) This includes human charging rooms.
2.) A shinigami may challenge his/her superior to a duel at any time except when they are on missions. The duel must be a contest of <s>physical prowess,*</s> <s>cunning,</s>** <s>and determination</s>*** beating the hell out of each other with zanpakuto!
*A challenge of which one can perform the Kama Sutra more proficiently does not count as physical prowess, Vice-Captain Matsumoto.
** Neither does cunning mean tricking your opponent into thinking he's a catgirl, Captain Aizen.
*** And determination does not mean seeing who's the better stalker, Vice-Captain Kurotsuchi and Eight Seat Hyuuga.
3.) The captain of the 4th does not have "magic fingers" and does not secretly lust after her patients. Telling new members of the 11th this is forbidden.
4.) Female shinigami do not need a "gynocological exam", and advertising such services to novice shinigami and academy students is not permitted.
5.) If you see a skeletal wacko in a cloak and carrying a Scythe, run for it.
6.) Captain Soi fong is not a furry, affection for Yoruichi notwithstanding. This is emphasized for 7th Division Captain Komamura Sajin.
7.) Captain Kurotsuchi, if you have to ask, you can't operate on it.
7a). Rule 7 has since been repealed, as it only discourages Kurotsuchi from asking.
8.) Captain Kuchiki, if you bring papers to the Captain's Meetings, they cannot be Character Sheets.
9.) Hisagi Shuhei must get another tatoo.
10.) Do not "Throw the dog a bone". Captain Komamura hates having to clean his robes from the blood of impertinent fools.
11.) Please do not goad Captains Hitsugaya and Kurotsuchi into playing any of the academy strategic warfare board games. We do not want them to get their divisions to reenact their strategies in real life... again.
12.) Captain Zaraki is not to be woken by anyone outside his division, in his division, affiliated with the divisions of Seireitei or horrible, man-eating hollows. If Captain Zaraki wakes, he does so on his own. And unlike Captain Komamura, he likes the blood on his robes. You have been warned.
13.) Erotic drawings of currently active seated officers of either gender are an offense warranting demotion and a two-decade suspension. (Addendum by Captain Kyoraku, 8th Division: Phantasies are nice. Pictures are not. And if I find out who drew that one of me and Jyuu-chan I will show you the Crazy Bone part of my zanpakuto.)
14.) Kenpachi is no longer allowed to "Scout" for future Shinigami. Seriously, what kind of idiot tries to arrange deaths just for a good fight, especially when at least one of them is a fucking demolitions expert!
15) No matter how cute they are Hollows* Are not allowed within the boundaries of <s>Seireitei</s> Soul Society
* This includes Arrancar.
16.) Searching for a female Arrancar's "Secret Hole" is not permitted. Nor is it permissible to tell rookie shinigami that finding the "Secret Hole" is an alternate method of gaining promotion.
17.) The captain of the 10th division is to be referred to as "Captain Hitsugaya", not "Little Icicle", "Short 'n Silver" or "Shiro-chan".
18.) Captain Hitsugaya does not "need to get laid", Captain Soi Fong does not "need a hot dicking", and Captain General Yamamoto does not have "performance problems".
19.) Please stop encouraging new Shinigami to ask if Abarai's tattoos go 'everywhere'. It's quite possible that they do, but there are some things we just don't want to know.
20.) 'He Followed me home, can I keep him?' is not a valid reason for brining enemiees of the Seireitei back within it.
20a). Even if it's Ichimaru Gin.
20b). Even if he's wearing bunny ears.
20c). Rule 20 is henceforth known as the 'Kuchiki Law'
20d) That applies to you too, Matsumoto.
21.) The size of a shinigami's shikai has nothing to do with the size of his "flesh zanpakuto"
22.) You cannot "charge up your reiatsu" through wild monkey sex; it is not permitted to tell young gullible academy students this.
23.) In light of Yachiru's discovery of her life before death, research into such things is forbidden.
23a.) Whatever idiot allowed her access to that world is in big trouble.
23b.) We don't need her to become the "Enemy of All Existance" rather than just those alive.
23c.) And send that fucking demon back, I don't care if he won't tell you the secret of why he wants to come.
24.) The vice-captain of the 10th division is Matsumoto Rangiku, not "Mrs. Funbags".
25.) The captain of the 12th division is not to be referred to as "Dr. Ooze", "The Blob" or "The Mime".
26.) The vice-captain of the 12th division was not created because "the captain couldn't get a date to save his life", and she is not his "love doll". Saying this to new members of the 12th division is forbidden.
27.) Kenpachi does not wear the bells in order to replace the angels he kills, and stop spreading it around before it gives him ideas
28.) It is forbidden to replace Captain Ukitake's cough drops with blood capsules.
29.) After the recent loss of three acres of cherry trees, shinigami are no longer allowed to use flower petals to make an entrace, Captain Byakuya's shikai aside.
30.) Any and all "swimsuit" calendars featuring either gender of Shinigami shall only be produced if the Shinigami depicted within are aware of their place and have given their permission to use the images in said calendar.
30a) Ichigo wasn't complaining when I took them isn't an excuse, Rukia. He was asleep for goodness sake!
30b) Neither is "when will he possibly see them?", Yoruichi.
31) We do not feed Vice Captain Yachiru sugar. EVER!
32) Vice Captain Kurotsuchi Nemu is NOT a Steel Angel. Trying to convince her of this and then looking for her "on switch" is a punishable offense.
33) You may not sell tickets to Eleventh Division deathmatches to gullible Academy graduates only to later reveal they will be the opponents for the division members.
34) It is unlawful to try to "pimp out" members of the Fourth Division for the purpose of relieving sexual frustrations.
34a) That means you have to give Hanataro back now, ladies.
34b) He needs it just as much as they do isn't an excuse, Shunsui.
35) Captain Zaraki, just assume the answer is no.
35b) You too Captain Kurotsuchi.
36) All Nermia martial arts practitioners are on the Do-Not-Collect-Or-Contact List, this includes the world traveling Mr. Hibiki. Let Hueco Mundo deal with them instead.
37) Zaraki was not, is not, will never be a pirate. Soifon and the Special Forces are not Ninjas. Do not go telling Zaraki otherwise in order to get him to go fight the whole division. This means you Hitsugaya.
37b) The parrot must go Zaraki. We don't care if it repeats insults and gets more people to fight you, get rid of it.
37c) Someone, get Zaraki out of the pirate costume. Please. Also, return that ship the 11th division stole from Davy Jones.
37d) How did anyone get Zaraki, Yachiru, and the 11th Division to sing "You are a Pirate"? Please, make them stop. Unohana has stated that she will use Bankai if she hears that song one more time, despite how cute Yachiru is dressed up.
38) Captain Jack Sparrow must return back to Davy Jones's locker with his ship, Shunshui. I don't care if you finally found a good drinking buddy, despite his odd taste in alcohol. What do you mean you made him Captain of Division 3...
39) All Gigai made must be in the form of the Shinigami who will use it. They are not to be made in the form of someone else, then stuffed with a Soul Candy for ... creative uses. All unauthorized Gigai must be disposed of and destroyed immediately.
40.) Captains are discouraged from inviting their fellow captains for the sole purpose of discerning who is the better torturor. It is messy, and the Commander-General can come up with better things for you to do, like more paperwork.
41.) Captain Ichimaru is reminded that neither "Blood of the Innocent" nor "Broken Hearts" are proper sustenance for shinigami. Please stop spreading these untruths. We do not want recently deceased mortals fear that we shall suck their blood or something.
42.) Attention all Soul Society: The next person to beat up my Vice-Captain will recieve tenfold what you did upon him. Only I am allowed to do that. Thanks for your attention; Captain Soifon out.
43.) Do not mock Yachiru for being small - Zaraki.
44.) Burning half your division barracks down in an effort to get rid of paperwork is not proper conduct. Captain Kurotsuchi can attest to that.
45). Despite her tendancy for biting, Vice-captain Yachiru Kusajishi is not secretly the vorpal bunny in disguise. Telling new shinigami graduates this is wrong.
45a) ...even if it makes Captain Zaraki laugh.
45b) ...especially if it makes Captain Zaraki laugh.
45c) ...Unohana, cut it out! Komamura's starting to have nightmares!
46) It is henceforth forbidden to kill shinigami for any of the following reasons.
46a) They touched my Yoruichi toy. This means you Captain Soifon
46b ) They looked like an interesting test subject. This means you Captain Kurotsuchi
46c) They looked strong. This means you Captain Zaraki
46d) They looked at my sister This means you Captain Kuchiki
47.) Carving your name into the walls of Seireitei barehanded is not required as proof that you are worthy to join the Gotei 13.
48.) Please do not urinate into blue puddles. - Captain Kurotsuchi M.
49.) Captain Kuchiki is not to be disturbed during his meals. The Fourth is overworked as it is and certainly needs no new patients. - Captain Unohana R.
50.) Captain Zaraki does not wear an eyepatch because he "had an unfortunate accident with a pair of scissors". It is wrong to tell new members of the 11th this.
51.) On a completely unrelated issue, no shinigami is allowed to use shunpo, run or otherwise move at faster than a brisk walk while carrying any of the following items: scissors, letter openers, knives or nail files.
52) Please note all pets must be approved by at least 2 captains and the captain commander.
52a) This means you unseated officer Kuchiki
52b ) Send the rabbit back to Caerbannog right now.
52c) We don't care if he scares Aizen get rid of it.
53) Please note that Captain-General Yamamoto has demanded that the person or persons responsible for Love Bleach cease and diciest immediately.
54) Despite the wheels, Vice-Captain Yachiru's bankai is not, in fact, a train. So, everyone off.
54a) Yes, Gin. No choo-choo for you.
55) The gargantuan execution device that looks like a guillotine on steroids is not, in fact, a see-saw.
55a) Nor is it a swing.
55b) Look, Gin, I'm sure someone's got a playground somewhere.
55c) No, Kurotsuchi does not have permission to build you one. The idea scares everyone else anyways.
56). Going to the mortal world and haunting people is forbidden.
56.a.) Posing as a dead lover/ancestor/friend is likewise forbidden.
57.) Asking Captain Aizen to create a harem illusion for you is forbidden.
58.) We don't know what a "Ghost Buster" is, but to be on the safe side, avoid contact with all mortals who have a funky theme song.
59) Asking Captain Kurotsuchi if he's made any 'fun extras' to his vice-captain is now an offence punishable by 10 to 20 years imprisonment (And yes, that is being fair- the other option would be to let Captain Kurotsuchi mete out the punishment.)
59a).Captain Kurotsuchi is no longer allowed to suggest possible punishments for violators for this, or any other rule. We don't need to know what you do in your spare time, Captain. - Captain Komamura
59b). If the violator of rule 59 actually succeeds in getting an answer, there will be a 5 to 10 year reduction in sentence. - Captain Kyoraku
59c). Addedum 59-b is hereby repealed, and Captain Kyoraku must now submit any and all future addedums to his vice-captain for approval - General Yamamoto
60) Vice Captain Nemu does not have a 'rocket punch'.
60a) Sorry, Renji, no matter what you say, that was just a regular punch.
60b) Seriously, shut up about it! No one believes you!
61) Captain Kurotsuchi does not carry his Vice Captain in a suitcase.
61a) Yes, we're sure.
62) No one is allowed to let Captain Kurotsuchi watch Neon Genesis Evangelion. Ever. At all. No. We're not sure what would happen, but we don't want to find out.
62a) THIS DEFINITELY INCLUDES YOU, URAHARA.
63) Kurotsuchi is not allowed to make giant robots. That creepy baby bankai thing of his is bad enough. We don't want to know what he'd do with giant robots, dammit.
63a) SEE RULE #62!
64.) For your own safety stay the hell out of New York city
64b). Sunnydale California is also off limits
64c) This rule is optional to any above 10th seat. Bear in mind that the paperwork for an undead is 5 times thicker then usual and must be signed in triplicate.
65
No one is allowed to give Kenpachi kittens and tell him it's a real world delicacy, no matter how funny it is to see him eat them.
65a). This includes any cute cuddly animals, you people are sick.
66) Stay away from Amity Park. They're not Hollows, we don't know what the hell they are, but they're not Hollows.
66a) I mean, seriously, they have people that can change from being alive to a spiritual entity? That's crazy!
66b) Oh, this is going to come back and bite me in the ass, isn't it?
66c) Crazy Americans.
66d) No Captain Kurotsuchi you may not experiment on the entities in Amity Park.
67) The kenseikan is a symbol of nobility and leadership is not however made form the masks of hollows Captain Kuchiki has slain.
67a) Nether is it the reminds of the mask he wore before it was purified.
67b) It is not all that remands of his mask as Captain Kuchiki is not an arrancar anyone spreading rumours to of such shall face between 5 and 10 years in prison.
67c) And it is not part of his Vizard mask. anyone spreading rumours to of such shall face between 5 and 10 years in prison.
68) Chicago, Illinois in North America is added to the list of Restricted Access areas.
68a) Yes, this includes Captains too.
68b) Zaraki, no. You may not go there to fight the Reanimated T-Rex for fun. Its already dead...again.
68c) Again Zaraki, no. You may not go and threaten Mr. Dresden there to bring back the dinosaur for you to fight. This includes anyone or anything else.
69) All Shinigami, please cease bringing giant spotlights and costumes when a person has a near-death experience. So put the Jedi costumes and lightsaber toys away, we won't have the Jedi religion become the next big thing as a joke.
70) Elvis is banned from leaving Soul Society. He is dead, and should not go to the living world to make the fools there believe otherwise.
71) Mr. Black is not the King of Soul Society. Despite the rumors saying so.
71a) No, he is not a Shinigami or a Death either.
71b) What do you mean he has a Zanpakuto?
71c) Urahara! Stop playing around with that mortal! We know you have been each Shopkeeper he has visited. Wasn't Ichigo enough fun for this Century?
72) The Fae Queens are to treated with respect.
72a) It is not respectful to ask them if you can dissect them.
72b) It is also not respectful to jump them to get a fight.
72c) Only the Captains of 1st, <s>5th,</s> 6th, 10th, and 13th division may speak to a Fae.
72d) Seriously we don't need a 3 front war no matter how fun you might find it Captain Zaraki.
73) All shinigami are advised to steer clear of endsville.
73a). If you must go there stay clear of boys name billy and girls named mandy
74) The Terminator has been added to 'The List of Movies Zaraki Kenpachi' is not allowed to watch.
75) No, there are no aliens in Japan, Kenpachi, and even if they were, you wouldn't be allowed to fight them.
76) Yachiru, stop picking on Koenma. We don't need more issues with Hell, dammit.
76a) You too, Zaraki. I don't care how punchable his face is.
77) No, Loki's avatar is not a Hollow. I don't care if he's wearing a mask. It's green, anyways, not white.
77a) You still can't experiment with it, Kurotsuchi.
77b) You either, Urahara.
77c) No, Yachiru is not allowed to wear it! And 'just to see what happens' is not a valid excuse!
78) Fuyuki City is currently a restricted access area.
78a)No, Zaraki. There's nothing there. Nothing at all. In fact, it's probably very peaceful.
78b)*classified* Urahara is not allowed to compete in the Holy Grail War, using a future version of himself as a Servant.
79) Urahara just because you were banished does not mean you may ignore the list.
79a) Yoruichi this goes for you too.
79b) And you Isshin.
80.) Kurosaki Ichigo, whatever it is that you've been doing with Shiba Kuukaku, STOP IT! She's begun humming, and that's scarier than Yachiru on a sugar binge.
80a.) Hey, I've been trying to get away from her! Is it my fault that nobody knew that she had this thing for Kaien and has been hunting me down to replace him?!?
80b) Kurosaki Ichigo as a substitute Shinigami you are afforded all the rights and privileges of an academy student as such you may not write on the list.
80c) There is also a thing called too much information keep you're bedroom activities off the list. -- General Yamamoto
81.) The exploration of the possibilities of alternate Soul Societies is strictly forbidden
.
81a) Seriously, if you think Kenpachi is bad, think about how it would be if he got PMS!
82) There is no such thing as the "Multiverse Incarnation of Death Ball" and if there were we would not be hosting it. Telling people that there is such an event is wrong.
82a) Pursuant to rule #81 that means that we need to send The Grim Reaper, Endsville's Grim Reaper, Botan, DCU's Death, the Spectre, Yagami Light and his...shinigami, that thing in the giant white wig with the tanto in its mouth, and all other non native Death incarnations home. They do not belong here.
82b) No Yachiru, you can't keep the Grim Squeaker as a pet. He has a job to do just like the rest of us.
82c) Captain Unohana will remove the oar after you apologize to Botan, Captain Shunsui.
83) Captain Aizen is forbidden from serving cake, not matter how deliscious it is.
84) Offering Captain General Yamamoto viaga is not funny and will leave you open to his wrath.
84a) Don't offer him Depends either.
85.) High-yield impact triggered incendiary devices are not confetti for Vice-Captain Kusajishi to throw around. If you want to burn, ask the Commander-General to end your pain. And save us the collateral damage.
86.) Do not challange Captain Aizen to a friendly game of chess. We wish to keep the peace in Soul Society - C.G. Yamamoto
87.) Seated officers are discouraged of testing devices containing "Terrifying", "Torment" and/or "Torture". Even if you like that stuff, we Captains prefer out meetings to be held without having to listen to Captain /Urahara/ Kurotsuchi laughing manically all the way. - Captain Ukitake J.
88.) All personel of the Seireitei armed forces are advised not to unduly antagonize their superiors. Physical violence is an accepted method of establishing order in the ranks. Nonetheless, my squad is overworked and I frown at people who are sent to us with no excuse for their injuries. - Captain Unohana R.
89.) Experimenting with how much you can say to Hitsugaya before pissing him off is an unwise choice of spending your time, despite how much your buddies told you they'd give you for it.
89b.) Consequently turning the Third division into an iceburg is forbidden as well. I don't care what Kira said, or how amusing Gin thinks it is.
90.) Mayuri is to remove the wooden placks with certain names on them from his walls immediately. Also he is to stop randomly walking up to people and measuring thier heads to check the size.
90b.) Seriously, Hitsugaya is mad enough about the thought of his head resting on a wall next to Shinigami Representative-Kurosaki and the Quincy Ishida.
90c). I don't care if Kenpatchi thinks his plack is amusing, take them down. You're just lucky he didn't notice the one for Yachiru.
91.) Violence is not the answer. - Captain Unohana R.
91a.) Violence is the answer, provided that you use enough of it. - Captain Zaraki K.
92.) Asking Captain Ichimaru to prove whether he is a sadist or not is unwise. We have no idea how the pieces of the last shinigami to do this wound up all over the place. - Vice Captain Izuru K.
93.) HAY HAY NO CHALENNIN THE WEENIES OF MAI DIVISION TO FAITZ, BAHSTURDS! - Unknown.
94.) Ascension to the rank of captain by means of Trial by Combat has been suspended for the duration of the War Effort against former Captain Aizen. Representative Kurosaki is, however, to be treated like one. - Commander-General Yamamoto
94a.) (burnt into the parchment) Won't help you in the long run, old man....
95) Kenpatchi you are not to trigger Armageddon so you may fight the lord of the dammed.
95a) We don't care if you can take him.
95b) Return the Behelit to <s>Captain Mayuri</s> General Yamamoto Immediately
96.) Any and all video surveillance of Inoue Orihime's apartment is to be sent to my office for review. -C.G. Yamamoto
97) Evangeline A.K. McDowell is not allowed within the boundaries of Soul Society.
97a) She is especially not allowed anywhere near Gin.
97b) Oh, god...they just smiled...then...! Blood! Everywhere! I still see it...
97c) Everyone involved in the infamous 'Evangeline-Gin Smile Incident' is entitled to recieve free counseling.
97d) No, alcohol does not count as counseling. Though it does help, dammit.
98) When dealing with humans it has not nor will ever be Seireitei policy to kill them all and let Yamamoto sort them out. Please stop telling humans this.
99) When holding a cigarette, it is not acceptable to point at Captain-General Yamamoto's zanpakuto and ask, "Got a light?"
100) Likewise, it is not acceptable to force Rukia Kuchiki to use her zanpakuto to "Cool off my beer."
100a) SHUNSUI, STOP IT!
101.) Tohno Shiki is not a Shinigami.
101a). Taking off his glasses does not mean he is activating Shikai.
101b). And assuming a new personality does not mean he has Bankai.
101c). It does mean that you are to stay far, far away from him.
101d.) Yes, we can take him, but his harem would destroy the world.
101e). Will someone give him back the frikken chair already?!
102.) All substitute souls will be now be screened. We don't need more perverts like Kon taking over bodies while our resident Shinigami are doing patrols on earth.
103.) No, Kenpachi is NOT actually Yachiru's Bankai. Stop asking.
104.) New graduates from the academy are NOT expected to haunt members of the Quincy family, and telling them this is punishable by being forced into a battle with Kenpachi.
105.) When Commander General Yamamoto and Captain Hitsugaya are in the same room, it is NOT required for someone to begin singing Pat Benatar's "Fire and Ice" and you should stop telling telling academy students that, Shunsui.
105b.). Being drunk is not a valid excuse.
106.) Vice-Captain Matsumoto is to go to greater lengths to keep from "spilling out" during a battle. While it has led to the defeat of countless male Hollows, and even three Arrancar, it has also knocked out countless shinigami at the same time.
107.) To whoever keeps saying that it is the duty of all female members of the 4th Division to hug their patients to their bosom and make cooing noises, .... thank you. I will bake you a cake every day if you tell me who you are.
108). Rule 108 has been repealed. Those responsible have been punished.
108a). Anyone who tells female trainees of the 4th Division that hugging patients to their bosom and making cooing noises is how their healing abilities work will be treated to being Captain Kenpachi's sparring partner for a month. And no, time in recovery will not count towards the alloted time for the punishment.
108. B. . . Worth it. Absolutely worth it.
109.) Will whatever idiot decided to attract Darth Revans attention please send him back.
109b.) Masks on living beings does not make them a hollow, especially when they send that psychotic walking death machine after us.
109c.) Sending him back didn't mean you then bring Darth Vader here!
109d) In relation to rule 62 Captain Kurotsuchi is not to see these walking death machines, anyone failing to do so will be submitted as a lab rat to keep him busy.
109e) The above is repealed. Vader and Revan working together can more than take care of their own affairs.
We (sort of) wish Captain Kurotsuchi a speedy recovery.
110: No Zaraki is NOT the God of War and if you continue to get academy students to worship him, there will be punishment.
110b) The fact that those that worship him seem to have an easier time performing Kido does not mean his unfarthamble power is leeking down to his priests .
1110) GOD DAMMIT!
111) Captain Utikite is not Hayate Gekko reincarnated.
112) Anybody telling academy students that the proper way to address members of the fourth divions is along the lines of 'Go make me some pie" will be forced to be Zaraki's sparring partner for a year. Following that they may or may not be assigned th roll of doing Captain-General Yamamoto's paperwork for a month. You have been warned.
113) Captain Kyraku is not the great attractor and he end of the universe.
113b) Even if you swore that you saw a bottle of sake float across the room to his hand Renji.
113c) Yes we are sure.
114.) Kenpachi is no longer permitted to go near London or Rome.
114b.) Somebody please inform Hellsing and Iscariot that we'll try to reign in our monster if they reign in theirs.
115.) Kurosaki Ichigo is not allowed to charge for his manwhore business.
115a.) Kurosaki Ichigo is not allowed to manwhore himself to anyone in Soul Society.
115.) Kurosaki Ichigo is henceforth banned from the premises of the Shinigami Women's Association Office.
115c). Trying to sneak him in is futile, Matsumoto.
116.) Elvis is win. You. Must. Remember.
117.) No one is to mention the words "Oedipus Complex" and "Motherfucker" to Ichigo.
118.) Vice-Captain Renji is henceforth banned from the 12th Division research complex until... forever.
118b). Mad Scientist Renji is too much God Mode.
119.) C4 is NOT an adequate replacement when your Zanpakutou's out of commision and you're surrounded by some thousands of Hollows.
119b). Neither is the Neutron bomb.
120.) Kubo Tite is GOD and Kishimoto is THE DEVIL. Do not confuse this.
121.) Telling new souls that they will end up as part of our walls if they are non-religious is henceforth forbidden.
122.) Even if Captain Kurotsuchi thinks it could be done.
122b.) Especially if Captain Kurotsuchi thinks it could be done.
123.) I don't care if it was 'just a joke'; mentioning this "Valhalla" around Captain Kenpachi is henceforth forbidden.
124.) The Seireitei edition of the Legend of the Five Rings release date has been put off indefinitely.
125.) While it is understandable that certain individuals might wish to keep the alternate universe Captain Zaraki (who is, if anything, more obnoxiously civilised than Captain Kuchiki) and let the other universe keep ours, it is nonetheless reprensible to expect the Captain-General to have to explain this to Yachiru.
125a) Why you also want to keep the alternate Captain Kuchiki, who makes Kenpachi Zaraki look like a peacenik hippy is quite beyond me. DENIED.
Every few generations, the Shinigami start a slightly serious, slightly humourous list of 'Things Shinigami are not Allowed to do'. It is the only written evidence that Captain-General Yamamoto has any trace of a sense of humour.
1.) Peeping on the women's changing room is strictly forbidden. That means you, too, Shunsui.
(By General Yamamoto's order, that rule has headed every iteration of the list for two thousand years. The fact that Nanao knew this, and still chose to join the Eighth Division, says a great deal about her.)
1b) This includes human charging rooms.
2.) A shinigami may challenge his/her superior to a duel at any time except when they are on missions. The duel must be a contest of <s>physical prowess,*</s> <s>cunning,</s>** <s>and determination</s>*** beating the hell out of each other with zanpakuto!
*A challenge of which one can perform the Kama Sutra more proficiently does not count as physical prowess, Vice-Captain Matsumoto.
** Neither does cunning mean tricking your opponent into thinking he's a catgirl, Captain Aizen.
*** And determination does not mean seeing who's the better stalker, Vice-Captain Kurotsuchi and Eight Seat Hyuuga.
3.) The captain of the 4th does not have "magic fingers" and does not secretly lust after her patients. Telling new members of the 11th this is forbidden.
4.) Female shinigami do not need a "gynocological exam", and advertising such services to novice shinigami and academy students is not permitted.
5.) If you see a skeletal wacko in a cloak and carrying a Scythe, run for it.
6.) Captain Soi fong is not a furry, affection for Yoruichi notwithstanding. This is emphasized for 7th Division Captain Komamura Sajin.
7.) Captain Kurotsuchi, if you have to ask, you can't operate on it.
7a). Rule 7 has since been repealed, as it only discourages Kurotsuchi from asking.
8.) Captain Kuchiki, if you bring papers to the Captain's Meetings, they cannot be Character Sheets.
9.) Hisagi Shuhei must get another tatoo.
10.) Do not "Throw the dog a bone". Captain Komamura hates having to clean his robes from the blood of impertinent fools.
11.) Please do not goad Captains Hitsugaya and Kurotsuchi into playing any of the academy strategic warfare board games. We do not want them to get their divisions to reenact their strategies in real life... again.
12.) Captain Zaraki is not to be woken by anyone outside his division, in his division, affiliated with the divisions of Seireitei or horrible, man-eating hollows. If Captain Zaraki wakes, he does so on his own. And unlike Captain Komamura, he likes the blood on his robes. You have been warned.
13.) Erotic drawings of currently active seated officers of either gender are an offense warranting demotion and a two-decade suspension. (Addendum by Captain Kyoraku, 8th Division: Phantasies are nice. Pictures are not. And if I find out who drew that one of me and Jyuu-chan I will show you the Crazy Bone part of my zanpakuto.)
14.) Kenpachi is no longer allowed to "Scout" for future Shinigami. Seriously, what kind of idiot tries to arrange deaths just for a good fight, especially when at least one of them is a fucking demolitions expert!
15) No matter how cute they are Hollows* Are not allowed within the boundaries of <s>Seireitei</s> Soul Society
* This includes Arrancar.
16.) Searching for a female Arrancar's "Secret Hole" is not permitted. Nor is it permissible to tell rookie shinigami that finding the "Secret Hole" is an alternate method of gaining promotion.
17.) The captain of the 10th division is to be referred to as "Captain Hitsugaya", not "Little Icicle", "Short 'n Silver" or "Shiro-chan".
18.) Captain Hitsugaya does not "need to get laid", Captain Soi Fong does not "need a hot dicking", and Captain General Yamamoto does not have "performance problems".
19.) Please stop encouraging new Shinigami to ask if Abarai's tattoos go 'everywhere'. It's quite possible that they do, but there are some things we just don't want to know.
20.) 'He Followed me home, can I keep him?' is not a valid reason for brining enemiees of the Seireitei back within it.
20a). Even if it's Ichimaru Gin.
20b). Even if he's wearing bunny ears.
20c). Rule 20 is henceforth known as the 'Kuchiki Law'
20d) That applies to you too, Matsumoto.
21.) The size of a shinigami's shikai has nothing to do with the size of his "flesh zanpakuto"
22.) You cannot "charge up your reiatsu" through wild monkey sex; it is not permitted to tell young gullible academy students this.
23.) In light of Yachiru's discovery of her life before death, research into such things is forbidden.
23a.) Whatever idiot allowed her access to that world is in big trouble.
23b.) We don't need her to become the "Enemy of All Existance" rather than just those alive.
23c.) And send that fucking demon back, I don't care if he won't tell you the secret of why he wants to come.
24.) The vice-captain of the 10th division is Matsumoto Rangiku, not "Mrs. Funbags".
25.) The captain of the 12th division is not to be referred to as "Dr. Ooze", "The Blob" or "The Mime".
26.) The vice-captain of the 12th division was not created because "the captain couldn't get a date to save his life", and she is not his "love doll". Saying this to new members of the 12th division is forbidden.
27.) Kenpachi does not wear the bells in order to replace the angels he kills, and stop spreading it around before it gives him ideas
28.) It is forbidden to replace Captain Ukitake's cough drops with blood capsules.
29.) After the recent loss of three acres of cherry trees, shinigami are no longer allowed to use flower petals to make an entrace, Captain Byakuya's shikai aside.
30.) Any and all "swimsuit" calendars featuring either gender of Shinigami shall only be produced if the Shinigami depicted within are aware of their place and have given their permission to use the images in said calendar.
30a) Ichigo wasn't complaining when I took them isn't an excuse, Rukia. He was asleep for goodness sake!
30b) Neither is "when will he possibly see them?", Yoruichi.
31) We do not feed Vice Captain Yachiru sugar. EVER!
32) Vice Captain Kurotsuchi Nemu is NOT a Steel Angel. Trying to convince her of this and then looking for her "on switch" is a punishable offense.
33) You may not sell tickets to Eleventh Division deathmatches to gullible Academy graduates only to later reveal they will be the opponents for the division members.
34) It is unlawful to try to "pimp out" members of the Fourth Division for the purpose of relieving sexual frustrations.
34a) That means you have to give Hanataro back now, ladies.
34b) He needs it just as much as they do isn't an excuse, Shunsui.
35) Captain Zaraki, just assume the answer is no.
35b) You too Captain Kurotsuchi.
36) All Nermia martial arts practitioners are on the Do-Not-Collect-Or-Contact List, this includes the world traveling Mr. Hibiki. Let Hueco Mundo deal with them instead.
37) Zaraki was not, is not, will never be a pirate. Soifon and the Special Forces are not Ninjas. Do not go telling Zaraki otherwise in order to get him to go fight the whole division. This means you Hitsugaya.
37b) The parrot must go Zaraki. We don't care if it repeats insults and gets more people to fight you, get rid of it.
37c) Someone, get Zaraki out of the pirate costume. Please. Also, return that ship the 11th division stole from Davy Jones.
37d) How did anyone get Zaraki, Yachiru, and the 11th Division to sing "You are a Pirate"? Please, make them stop. Unohana has stated that she will use Bankai if she hears that song one more time, despite how cute Yachiru is dressed up.
38) Captain Jack Sparrow must return back to Davy Jones's locker with his ship, Shunshui. I don't care if you finally found a good drinking buddy, despite his odd taste in alcohol. What do you mean you made him Captain of Division 3...
39) All Gigai made must be in the form of the Shinigami who will use it. They are not to be made in the form of someone else, then stuffed with a Soul Candy for ... creative uses. All unauthorized Gigai must be disposed of and destroyed immediately.
40.) Captains are discouraged from inviting their fellow captains for the sole purpose of discerning who is the better torturor. It is messy, and the Commander-General can come up with better things for you to do, like more paperwork.
41.) Captain Ichimaru is reminded that neither "Blood of the Innocent" nor "Broken Hearts" are proper sustenance for shinigami. Please stop spreading these untruths. We do not want recently deceased mortals fear that we shall suck their blood or something.
42.) Attention all Soul Society: The next person to beat up my Vice-Captain will recieve tenfold what you did upon him. Only I am allowed to do that. Thanks for your attention; Captain Soifon out.
43.) Do not mock Yachiru for being small - Zaraki.
44.) Burning half your division barracks down in an effort to get rid of paperwork is not proper conduct. Captain Kurotsuchi can attest to that.
45). Despite her tendancy for biting, Vice-captain Yachiru Kusajishi is not secretly the vorpal bunny in disguise. Telling new shinigami graduates this is wrong.
45a) ...even if it makes Captain Zaraki laugh.
45b) ...especially if it makes Captain Zaraki laugh.
45c) ...Unohana, cut it out! Komamura's starting to have nightmares!
46) It is henceforth forbidden to kill shinigami for any of the following reasons.
46a) They touched my Yoruichi toy. This means you Captain Soifon
46b ) They looked like an interesting test subject. This means you Captain Kurotsuchi
46c) They looked strong. This means you Captain Zaraki
46d) They looked at my sister This means you Captain Kuchiki
47.) Carving your name into the walls of Seireitei barehanded is not required as proof that you are worthy to join the Gotei 13.
48.) Please do not urinate into blue puddles. - Captain Kurotsuchi M.
49.) Captain Kuchiki is not to be disturbed during his meals. The Fourth is overworked as it is and certainly needs no new patients. - Captain Unohana R.
50.) Captain Zaraki does not wear an eyepatch because he "had an unfortunate accident with a pair of scissors". It is wrong to tell new members of the 11th this.
51.) On a completely unrelated issue, no shinigami is allowed to use shunpo, run or otherwise move at faster than a brisk walk while carrying any of the following items: scissors, letter openers, knives or nail files.
52) Please note all pets must be approved by at least 2 captains and the captain commander.
52a) This means you unseated officer Kuchiki
52b ) Send the rabbit back to Caerbannog right now.
52c) We don't care if he scares Aizen get rid of it.
53) Please note that Captain-General Yamamoto has demanded that the person or persons responsible for Love Bleach cease and diciest immediately.
54) Despite the wheels, Vice-Captain Yachiru's bankai is not, in fact, a train. So, everyone off.
54a) Yes, Gin. No choo-choo for you.
55) The gargantuan execution device that looks like a guillotine on steroids is not, in fact, a see-saw.
55a) Nor is it a swing.
55b) Look, Gin, I'm sure someone's got a playground somewhere.
55c) No, Kurotsuchi does not have permission to build you one. The idea scares everyone else anyways.
56). Going to the mortal world and haunting people is forbidden.
56.a.) Posing as a dead lover/ancestor/friend is likewise forbidden.
57.) Asking Captain Aizen to create a harem illusion for you is forbidden.
58.) We don't know what a "Ghost Buster" is, but to be on the safe side, avoid contact with all mortals who have a funky theme song.
59) Asking Captain Kurotsuchi if he's made any 'fun extras' to his vice-captain is now an offence punishable by 10 to 20 years imprisonment (And yes, that is being fair- the other option would be to let Captain Kurotsuchi mete out the punishment.)
59a).Captain Kurotsuchi is no longer allowed to suggest possible punishments for violators for this, or any other rule. We don't need to know what you do in your spare time, Captain. - Captain Komamura
59b). If the violator of rule 59 actually succeeds in getting an answer, there will be a 5 to 10 year reduction in sentence. - Captain Kyoraku
59c). Addedum 59-b is hereby repealed, and Captain Kyoraku must now submit any and all future addedums to his vice-captain for approval - General Yamamoto
60) Vice Captain Nemu does not have a 'rocket punch'.
60a) Sorry, Renji, no matter what you say, that was just a regular punch.
60b) Seriously, shut up about it! No one believes you!
61) Captain Kurotsuchi does not carry his Vice Captain in a suitcase.
61a) Yes, we're sure.
62) No one is allowed to let Captain Kurotsuchi watch Neon Genesis Evangelion. Ever. At all. No. We're not sure what would happen, but we don't want to find out.
62a) THIS DEFINITELY INCLUDES YOU, URAHARA.
63) Kurotsuchi is not allowed to make giant robots. That creepy baby bankai thing of his is bad enough. We don't want to know what he'd do with giant robots, dammit.
63a) SEE RULE #62!
64.) For your own safety stay the hell out of New York city
64b). Sunnydale California is also off limits
64c) This rule is optional to any above 10th seat. Bear in mind that the paperwork for an undead is 5 times thicker then usual and must be signed in triplicate.
65
No one is allowed to give Kenpachi kittens and tell him it's a real world delicacy, no matter how funny it is to see him eat them.65a). This includes any cute cuddly animals, you people are sick.
66) Stay away from Amity Park. They're not Hollows, we don't know what the hell they are, but they're not Hollows.
66a) I mean, seriously, they have people that can change from being alive to a spiritual entity? That's crazy!
66b) Oh, this is going to come back and bite me in the ass, isn't it?
66c) Crazy Americans.
66d) No Captain Kurotsuchi you may not experiment on the entities in Amity Park.
67) The kenseikan is a symbol of nobility and leadership is not however made form the masks of hollows Captain Kuchiki has slain.
67a) Nether is it the reminds of the mask he wore before it was purified.
67b) It is not all that remands of his mask as Captain Kuchiki is not an arrancar anyone spreading rumours to of such shall face between 5 and 10 years in prison.
67c) And it is not part of his Vizard mask. anyone spreading rumours to of such shall face between 5 and 10 years in prison.
68) Chicago, Illinois in North America is added to the list of Restricted Access areas.
68a) Yes, this includes Captains too.
68b) Zaraki, no. You may not go there to fight the Reanimated T-Rex for fun. Its already dead...again.
68c) Again Zaraki, no. You may not go and threaten Mr. Dresden there to bring back the dinosaur for you to fight. This includes anyone or anything else.
69) All Shinigami, please cease bringing giant spotlights and costumes when a person has a near-death experience. So put the Jedi costumes and lightsaber toys away, we won't have the Jedi religion become the next big thing as a joke.
70) Elvis is banned from leaving Soul Society. He is dead, and should not go to the living world to make the fools there believe otherwise.
71) Mr. Black is not the King of Soul Society. Despite the rumors saying so.
71a) No, he is not a Shinigami or a Death either.
71b) What do you mean he has a Zanpakuto?
71c) Urahara! Stop playing around with that mortal! We know you have been each Shopkeeper he has visited. Wasn't Ichigo enough fun for this Century?
72) The Fae Queens are to treated with respect.
72a) It is not respectful to ask them if you can dissect them.
72b) It is also not respectful to jump them to get a fight.
72c) Only the Captains of 1st, <s>5th,</s> 6th, 10th, and 13th division may speak to a Fae.
72d) Seriously we don't need a 3 front war no matter how fun you might find it Captain Zaraki.
73) All shinigami are advised to steer clear of endsville.
73a). If you must go there stay clear of boys name billy and girls named mandy
74) The Terminator has been added to 'The List of Movies Zaraki Kenpachi' is not allowed to watch.
75) No, there are no aliens in Japan, Kenpachi, and even if they were, you wouldn't be allowed to fight them.
76) Yachiru, stop picking on Koenma. We don't need more issues with Hell, dammit.
76a) You too, Zaraki. I don't care how punchable his face is.
77) No, Loki's avatar is not a Hollow. I don't care if he's wearing a mask. It's green, anyways, not white.
77a) You still can't experiment with it, Kurotsuchi.
77b) You either, Urahara.
77c) No, Yachiru is not allowed to wear it! And 'just to see what happens' is not a valid excuse!
78) Fuyuki City is currently a restricted access area.
78a)No, Zaraki. There's nothing there. Nothing at all. In fact, it's probably very peaceful.
78b)*classified* Urahara is not allowed to compete in the Holy Grail War, using a future version of himself as a Servant.
79) Urahara just because you were banished does not mean you may ignore the list.
79a) Yoruichi this goes for you too.
79b) And you Isshin.
80.) Kurosaki Ichigo, whatever it is that you've been doing with Shiba Kuukaku, STOP IT! She's begun humming, and that's scarier than Yachiru on a sugar binge.
80a.) Hey, I've been trying to get away from her! Is it my fault that nobody knew that she had this thing for Kaien and has been hunting me down to replace him?!?
80b) Kurosaki Ichigo as a substitute Shinigami you are afforded all the rights and privileges of an academy student as such you may not write on the list.
80c) There is also a thing called too much information keep you're bedroom activities off the list. -- General Yamamoto
81.) The exploration of the possibilities of alternate Soul Societies is strictly forbidden
.
81a) Seriously, if you think Kenpachi is bad, think about how it would be if he got PMS!
82) There is no such thing as the "Multiverse Incarnation of Death Ball" and if there were we would not be hosting it. Telling people that there is such an event is wrong.
82a) Pursuant to rule #81 that means that we need to send The Grim Reaper, Endsville's Grim Reaper, Botan, DCU's Death, the Spectre, Yagami Light and his...shinigami, that thing in the giant white wig with the tanto in its mouth, and all other non native Death incarnations home. They do not belong here.
82b) No Yachiru, you can't keep the Grim Squeaker as a pet. He has a job to do just like the rest of us.
82c) Captain Unohana will remove the oar after you apologize to Botan, Captain Shunsui.
83) Captain Aizen is forbidden from serving cake, not matter how deliscious it is.
84) Offering Captain General Yamamoto viaga is not funny and will leave you open to his wrath.
84a) Don't offer him Depends either.
85.) High-yield impact triggered incendiary devices are not confetti for Vice-Captain Kusajishi to throw around. If you want to burn, ask the Commander-General to end your pain. And save us the collateral damage.
86.) Do not challange Captain Aizen to a friendly game of chess. We wish to keep the peace in Soul Society - C.G. Yamamoto
87.) Seated officers are discouraged of testing devices containing "Terrifying", "Torment" and/or "Torture". Even if you like that stuff, we Captains prefer out meetings to be held without having to listen to Captain /Urahara/ Kurotsuchi laughing manically all the way. - Captain Ukitake J.
88.) All personel of the Seireitei armed forces are advised not to unduly antagonize their superiors. Physical violence is an accepted method of establishing order in the ranks. Nonetheless, my squad is overworked and I frown at people who are sent to us with no excuse for their injuries. - Captain Unohana R.
89.) Experimenting with how much you can say to Hitsugaya before pissing him off is an unwise choice of spending your time, despite how much your buddies told you they'd give you for it.
89b.) Consequently turning the Third division into an iceburg is forbidden as well. I don't care what Kira said, or how amusing Gin thinks it is.
90.) Mayuri is to remove the wooden placks with certain names on them from his walls immediately. Also he is to stop randomly walking up to people and measuring thier heads to check the size.
90b.) Seriously, Hitsugaya is mad enough about the thought of his head resting on a wall next to Shinigami Representative-Kurosaki and the Quincy Ishida.
90c). I don't care if Kenpatchi thinks his plack is amusing, take them down. You're just lucky he didn't notice the one for Yachiru.
91.) Violence is not the answer. - Captain Unohana R.
91a.) Violence is the answer, provided that you use enough of it. - Captain Zaraki K.
92.) Asking Captain Ichimaru to prove whether he is a sadist or not is unwise. We have no idea how the pieces of the last shinigami to do this wound up all over the place. - Vice Captain Izuru K.
93.) HAY HAY NO CHALENNIN THE WEENIES OF MAI DIVISION TO FAITZ, BAHSTURDS! - Unknown.
94.) Ascension to the rank of captain by means of Trial by Combat has been suspended for the duration of the War Effort against former Captain Aizen. Representative Kurosaki is, however, to be treated like one. - Commander-General Yamamoto
94a.) (burnt into the parchment) Won't help you in the long run, old man....
95) Kenpatchi you are not to trigger Armageddon so you may fight the lord of the dammed.
95a) We don't care if you can take him.
95b) Return the Behelit to <s>Captain Mayuri</s> General Yamamoto Immediately
96.) Any and all video surveillance of Inoue Orihime's apartment is to be sent to my office for review. -C.G. Yamamoto
97) Evangeline A.K. McDowell is not allowed within the boundaries of Soul Society.
97a) She is especially not allowed anywhere near Gin.
97b) Oh, god...they just smiled...then...! Blood! Everywhere! I still see it...
97c) Everyone involved in the infamous 'Evangeline-Gin Smile Incident' is entitled to recieve free counseling.
97d) No, alcohol does not count as counseling. Though it does help, dammit.
98) When dealing with humans it has not nor will ever be Seireitei policy to kill them all and let Yamamoto sort them out. Please stop telling humans this.
99) When holding a cigarette, it is not acceptable to point at Captain-General Yamamoto's zanpakuto and ask, "Got a light?"
100) Likewise, it is not acceptable to force Rukia Kuchiki to use her zanpakuto to "Cool off my beer."
100a) SHUNSUI, STOP IT!
101.) Tohno Shiki is not a Shinigami.
101a). Taking off his glasses does not mean he is activating Shikai.
101b). And assuming a new personality does not mean he has Bankai.
101c). It does mean that you are to stay far, far away from him.
101d.) Yes, we can take him, but his harem would destroy the world.
101e). Will someone give him back the frikken chair already?!
102.) All substitute souls will be now be screened. We don't need more perverts like Kon taking over bodies while our resident Shinigami are doing patrols on earth.
103.) No, Kenpachi is NOT actually Yachiru's Bankai. Stop asking.
104.) New graduates from the academy are NOT expected to haunt members of the Quincy family, and telling them this is punishable by being forced into a battle with Kenpachi.
105.) When Commander General Yamamoto and Captain Hitsugaya are in the same room, it is NOT required for someone to begin singing Pat Benatar's "Fire and Ice" and you should stop telling telling academy students that, Shunsui.
105b.). Being drunk is not a valid excuse.
106.) Vice-Captain Matsumoto is to go to greater lengths to keep from "spilling out" during a battle. While it has led to the defeat of countless male Hollows, and even three Arrancar, it has also knocked out countless shinigami at the same time.
107.) To whoever keeps saying that it is the duty of all female members of the 4th Division to hug their patients to their bosom and make cooing noises, .... thank you. I will bake you a cake every day if you tell me who you are.
108). Rule 108 has been repealed. Those responsible have been punished.
108a). Anyone who tells female trainees of the 4th Division that hugging patients to their bosom and making cooing noises is how their healing abilities work will be treated to being Captain Kenpachi's sparring partner for a month. And no, time in recovery will not count towards the alloted time for the punishment.
108. B. . . Worth it. Absolutely worth it.
109.) Will whatever idiot decided to attract Darth Revans attention please send him back.
109b.) Masks on living beings does not make them a hollow, especially when they send that psychotic walking death machine after us.
109c.) Sending him back didn't mean you then bring Darth Vader here!
109d) In relation to rule 62 Captain Kurotsuchi is not to see these walking death machines, anyone failing to do so will be submitted as a lab rat to keep him busy.
109e) The above is repealed. Vader and Revan working together can more than take care of their own affairs.
We (sort of) wish Captain Kurotsuchi a speedy recovery.
110: No Zaraki is NOT the God of War and if you continue to get academy students to worship him, there will be punishment.
110b) The fact that those that worship him seem to have an easier time performing Kido does not mean his unfarthamble power is leeking down to his priests .
1110) GOD DAMMIT!
111) Captain Utikite is not Hayate Gekko reincarnated.
112) Anybody telling academy students that the proper way to address members of the fourth divions is along the lines of 'Go make me some pie" will be forced to be Zaraki's sparring partner for a year. Following that they may or may not be assigned th roll of doing Captain-General Yamamoto's paperwork for a month. You have been warned.
113) Captain Kyraku is not the great attractor and he end of the universe.
113b) Even if you swore that you saw a bottle of sake float across the room to his hand Renji.
113c) Yes we are sure.
114.) Kenpachi is no longer permitted to go near London or Rome.
114b.) Somebody please inform Hellsing and Iscariot that we'll try to reign in our monster if they reign in theirs.
115.) Kurosaki Ichigo is not allowed to charge for his manwhore business.
115a.) Kurosaki Ichigo is not allowed to manwhore himself to anyone in Soul Society.
115.) Kurosaki Ichigo is henceforth banned from the premises of the Shinigami Women's Association Office.
115c). Trying to sneak him in is futile, Matsumoto.
116.) Elvis is win. You. Must. Remember.
117.) No one is to mention the words "Oedipus Complex" and "Motherfucker" to Ichigo.
118.) Vice-Captain Renji is henceforth banned from the 12th Division research complex until... forever.
118b). Mad Scientist Renji is too much God Mode.
119.) C4 is NOT an adequate replacement when your Zanpakutou's out of commision and you're surrounded by some thousands of Hollows.
119b). Neither is the Neutron bomb.
120.) Kubo Tite is GOD and Kishimoto is THE DEVIL. Do not confuse this.
121.) Telling new souls that they will end up as part of our walls if they are non-religious is henceforth forbidden.
122.) Even if Captain Kurotsuchi thinks it could be done.
122b.) Especially if Captain Kurotsuchi thinks it could be done.
123.) I don't care if it was 'just a joke'; mentioning this "Valhalla" around Captain Kenpachi is henceforth forbidden.
124.) The Seireitei edition of the Legend of the Five Rings release date has been put off indefinitely.
125.) While it is understandable that certain individuals might wish to keep the alternate universe Captain Zaraki (who is, if anything, more obnoxiously civilised than Captain Kuchiki) and let the other universe keep ours, it is nonetheless reprensible to expect the Captain-General to have to explain this to Yachiru.
125a) Why you also want to keep the alternate Captain Kuchiki, who makes Kenpachi Zaraki look like a peacenik hippy is quite beyond me. DENIED.
126.) Kenpachi, stop bothering Superman
b.) He already has at least two jobs he's trying to do, and keeps the real psychotics out of the SS until we can be ready for them.
c.) That didn't mean start bothering the rest of the Justice League.
d.) I know he's able to scare Kenpachi, but Batman should be left alone until he dies a normal death.
e.) Kenpachi, leave Godzilla alone! We don't need to look out on a skyline that reminds us of what happens whenever that thing ends up in Tokyo
b.) He already has at least two jobs he's trying to do, and keeps the real psychotics out of the SS until we can be ready for them.
c.) That didn't mean start bothering the rest of the Justice League.
d.) I know he's able to scare Kenpachi, but Batman should be left alone until he dies a normal death.
e.) Kenpachi, leave Godzilla alone! We don't need to look out on a skyline that reminds us of what happens whenever that thing ends up in Tokyo
127) Please note Seireitei is an independent sovereignty and as such is not bound by mortal law.
127a) As such we do need to register with the united states government despite what Mr Stark may say.
127b) Please keep the gates to the mortal worlds closed, The humans are accusing us of having a revolving door policy.
127c) Despite holding the rank in the mortal world, Mr Rogers is not allowed to become captain of 5th until he graduates the academy.
127a) As such we do need to register with the united states government despite what Mr Stark may say.
127b) Please keep the gates to the mortal worlds closed, The humans are accusing us of having a revolving door policy.
127c) Despite holding the rank in the mortal world, Mr Rogers is not allowed to become captain of 5th until he graduates the academy.
131.) trying to manipulate little orphan boys by telling them your there father is strictly forbidden. this means you Aizen, the boy is manipulated enough so leave him be.
a.) mr. Black is forbidden to aid captain Aizen in this quest. it isn't the boys time\
b.) if you persist we will be forced to hand you both over to zaraki's 10th seat, lily potter
a.) mr. Black is forbidden to aid captain Aizen in this quest. it isn't the boys time\
b.) if you persist we will be forced to hand you both over to zaraki's 10th seat, lily potter