Bleach Things Shinigami are not allowed to do

akun50 · Feb 16, 2008

160) Shinigami are no longer allowed to appear to mortals who are high, near death, and/or in the middle east and prank them simply because it's funny.

160a) Or really slow.

160b) Or really boring.

160c) Or any other reason, Aizen.

161) Aizen's medication is to be forcefully fed to him every day.

161a) Correction to Rule 161: His CURRENT medication is to be forcefully fed to him every day.

161b) Correction to Rule 161a: His CURRENT medication is to be forcefully fed to him IN IT'S PRESCRIBED DOSAGE every day.

161c) Seriously, as hilarious as it was for the women and men who could tolerate the sight, having him run around, cheeks to the breeze, doing Sailor Moon poses and quotes, it was in poor taste and humiliated him badly. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't try and get revenge on everyone in some fashion, especially Rukia, given that she was laughing the loudest.

162) To whoever is currently in charge of Great Britain, QUIT IT! Asshole.

162a) Seriously, when the person who's responsible for teaching the humans to use death magics is discovered, there will be a reckoning.

162b) Same for the jackass who taught them how to seal parts of their soul into items.

162c) In fact, Lily Potter has been insisting that both Soi Fon AND Kenpachi be allowed to smack said person or persons around.

163) Shinigami are not allowed to possess people for the following reasons:
-"Just for Kicks"
-"She's got a HUUUUuuuUUUGE rack!"
-"He's got a HUUUUuuuUUUGE c-!" (enough of that one)
-"But I can fix his problems so easily! This shounen/shoujo manga gives all the details..."
-"But I'm only going to maim him a little..."
-or "Because I can."

sith2886 · Feb 16, 2008

t: in bleach terms what is tom riddle any way?

164) beating the hell out of non shinigami personnell is highly forbidden and punishible by a three decade suspension
164a.) i don;t care what he did mr. black you can not beat up dumbledore
164b.) no Mr. potter no matter how much he deserves it mr. snape and mr. dumbledore are not training dummies and can not be used as such.
164.c) would you rather he gets reincarnated and meddle in your sons life again? i thought not
165.) using soul society to kill college proctors is a waste of our skill please stop immediately.
165a.) i don't care if it gets your fic written faster yoruichi.
165b.) the same goes for you soifon

zerohour · Feb 16, 2008

166. Teaching Yachiru annoying songs is forbidden. SHE DOESN'T STOP.

DhampyrX2 · Feb 16, 2008

S J C said:

144b) Captain Zaraki that is NOT an invitation to help toughen up your squad with a good fight.

144c) All members of the 11th division will have to endure the TALK form Captain Unohana in lieu of facing their vice captain's sugar rush.

157d) That was not permission for Captain SoiFon to collect her own boyfriend. Failure to comply with the above will put Captin SoiFon under Captain Shunsui's direction for no less than two weeks.

157e) We don't care that Yoruichi-sama encouraged it as part of your development, it's still forbidden.

167) Catgirls are sentient souls and therefore can not be kept as pets.

168) It is forbidden for any shinigami to follow Urashima Keitaro around, grin, and mutter "Gonna get'cha" just to watch him scream.

168a) Yes Matsumoto, we're looking at you.

169) Captain Unohana, no more matchmaking attempts, please.

170) Soul Society is NOT the buffer realm between all other worlds and Kingdom Hearts. You will not tell gullible Academy students this so that you can record the looks on their faces.

171) Captain Kurotsuchi may not keep any former member of the group known as "Akatsuki" as a pet. We know it's just a code for more experimentation and we don't want to see where you're going with it.

172) Vice Captain Kurotsuchi Nemu is NOT former Captain Urahara's bankai left behind to to assassinate Captain Kurotsuchi when he lets his guard down. Stop telling him that.

172a) Even if it is refreshing seeing him become suddenly afraid to speak ill of her or touch her.

173) After last week's unpleasantness, coffee is hereby banned from the eleventh division.

S J C · Feb 16, 2008

170a) The Captain Commander's Bankai is not a Keyblade.

DhampyrX2 · Feb 16, 2008

S J C said:

Um, what does that have to do with Matsumoto stalking Keitaro?

Solarman · Feb 16, 2008

DhampyrX2 said:

He probably meant 170b, not 168b.

174) Teaching the 11th Division English for the sole purpose of letting them understand songs by the American group Kansas is prohibited, as is playing or singing songs by said group within earshot of the 11th Division.
174a) No, I don't care how cool the lyrics are, it'll get real old real fast if we let them at it, especially Yachiru.
174b) Giving Zaraki-taicho translated lyrics for "Dust in the Wind" and/or "Child of Innocence" is a capital offense. Seriously, the man is already a force of nature, do we really need to give him more incentive to go destroy things?

t:
For those who may not know, Kansas' better songs have lyrics that tend toward dark and a bit nihilistic. The two I specified above are probably the best examples of songs I listen to that Kenpachi should be kept from understanding at all costs. "Dust in the Wind" is probably well-known enough already, but "Child of Innocence" may need a bit of explaining. To quote the last verse: "all who walk the Earth have died."

WOLead · Feb 16, 2008

sith2886 said:

t: The annoying idiot you have to hunt down and konso seven different times.

175) Hosting the Holy Grail war in Soul Society, much less Seireitei, is banned. Any attempts to start one after this mess, that hasn't finished yet, will have a suitable cruel and unusual punishment depending on who you are. As of this moment, hostilities between Servants and Masters are to cease. There are Hollows and Arrancar to deal with first.

176) Kenpachi and Yachiru's servant Berserker are not allowed to fight in the 11th Division anymore to cut the costs of repairs. And actually have a place for the 11th division to stay
-Addendum: Those two only allowed to fight in Hueco Mundo now. If this rule is not followed, there IS a Girdle of Gender stashed away in my office and I will use it for punishement.

177) All pets must be kept on a leash, Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki. Your servant Rider is classified as a monster. Since she is also your servant, that classifies her as your pet. You are the only one disagreeing with these statements, Kurosaki. Even your pet is agreeing and willing to obey this law with a smile.

178) Attempts of telling Ichigo Kurosaki any of the alternate methods of...recharging a servant is harmful to the speakers health. Yes, he doesn't know that if you have enough "mana" or retsu, you can simply give it to your servant. His servant has decided not to tell him this or let him know.

179) Rukia, you are not allowed to steal Matsumoto's servant and his name is not Chappy. Servant Pirate aka. Bun-Bun has made it known that he is staying only with either Vice-Captain Matsumoto or K?kaku Shiba. Also, Captain Unohana is getting tired of dealing with your wounds from your attempts, and concerned with the state of your self-preservation instincts.

180) Comparing Captain Kuchiki with his servant Gilgamesh within either of the two's hearing range will be harmful to your health. Captain Unohana has also mentioned that these injuries priorities are the 4ths division last priority, so expect a long wait. Complaining moves you further to the back of the line as you loose blood due to the countless holes in you.

181) Aizen, could you and your servant Caster please stop the evil laughter that comes from your division's headquarters. Its causing anyone who hears to breakdown and weep in fear.

kelenas · Feb 16, 2008

182. The Water Dragon is not Captain Hitsugaya's long lost mother. Stop spreading those rumors.
182 a. Neither is she his aunt.
182 b. They are in no way related, period. Seriously, people, stop it.

183. Keep those 'Lotus Assassin' freaks out of my division! My VC can't stop pissing his pants every time he sees one, and even I consider them creepy and more than just a bit nuts. - Captain Soi Fon
183 a. Request denied. Creepy and nuts they may be, they are also useful. Besides, they keep Captain Kurotsuchi happy. - General-Captain Yamamoto

- Kelenas

GenocideHeart · Feb 16, 2008

184. Claiming Representative Kurosaki has a tiny penis and his Zanpakuto overcompensates for that is forbidden. Do so at your own risk, and do not expect sympathy in the 4th Division.

184-b. Even if it's the truth and you find it funny. Please don't do it, Vice-Captain Kusajishi.

184-c. How did Yachiru find out how, er, big Ichigo's *censored* is anyway? Is he a lolicon or something? --Anonymous

184-d. Delicious Flat Chests FTW! --Pedobear

184-e. Like Soi Fon's? --Anonymous

184-f. IMPORTANT NOTICE: Any comments about Captain Soi Fon's bust size is likely to result in serious bodily harm and several months of intensive care. You are advised to not make such comments. Captain Kyouraku can attest to that, and being 'anonymous' did not save him.

184-g. Also, if anyone knows the identity of 'Pedobear', please do share it. The Shinigami Women's Association would like to have... words... with him/her.

Lord Raine · Feb 16, 2008

184-h: No, this 'Pedobear' is not Vice Captain Yachirus bankai. Stop spreading such rumors.

184-i: Pedobear is not the secret head of the Shinigami Women's Association, nor is Chappy is actually Pedobear in disguise. Stop asking.

184-B-a: Because it isn't true. -SWA

184-B-b: . . . Nano-kun!? Is that you?

184-B-c: . . . maybe.

S J C · Feb 16, 2008

DhampyrX2 said:

Fixed.

DhampyrX2 · Feb 16, 2008

GenocideHeart said:

184 a) For the record, it's not really small at all, as evidenced by Rukia-chan's pictures. It's just that the only other one she's seen under innocent circumstances it Captain Zaraki's. Nobody can compare to that. -Captain Unohana.

Luthorne · Feb 16, 2008

DhampyrX2 said:

GenocideHeart said:

184 a) For the record, it's not really small at all, as evidenced by Rukia-chan's pictures. It's just that the only other one she's seen under innocent circumstances it Captain Zaraki's. Nobody can compare to that. -Captain Unohana.

184-a(1). No, Captain Zaraki's...equipment...is not his actual shikai. Stop asking.

184-a(2). And speculation on what his bankai would look like if so is similarly forbidden. Stop drooling, Matsumoto.

SotF · Feb 16, 2008

185.) Kenpachi, get rid of the damn symbiote.
b.) Oh fuck it's loose.
c.) We are Venom...

cyrusII · Feb 17, 2008

186) Who ever gave Soi Fon the Kama Sutra, Thank you. -Yoruichi
a) Who ever gave it to Yachiru, WTF? -Kenpachi

Skelethin · Feb 17, 2008

187. Goa'uld symbiotes are NOT to be implanted in any Hollows. Arrancar or otherwise.

187-b. I don't care how much more fun they are to fight, we have enough issues with them infesting living beings. Knock it off Kenpachi - Daniel

187-c. Convincing someone else to do it for you will not allow you to escape the punishment, Zaraki-taichou. I _will_ find out. - Unohana-taichou

187-d. Attempting to do so just to get Kenpachi in trouble, or get out of a fight with him is also forbidden, Representative Kurosaki. You WILL be placed in the care of 12th division if you are discovered doing this again.

188. Using stuffed black cats for kido practice is strictly forbidden.

188-b. Please stop. Even I can't heal you after Soi Fon-taichou has stung you a second time. - Unohana-taichou

WarmasterCain55 · Feb 17, 2008

189. Cat toys are not to be thrown away. - Yurichi

GenocideHeart · Feb 17, 2008

190. If you come across a swordsman named Caim and a dragon named Angelus, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY do not antagonize him. It is bad enough that he showed up at all, we don't need him to be AGAINST us as well. Our survival chances will be slim enough as it is.

190-b. To expand on the 'do not engage under any circumstances, especially not for shits and giggles' list, here are the top 10 individuals that you should DEFINITELY leave the **** alone:

-The Saint of Killers
-The Hitoshura
-Caim and Angelus
-Kratos
-Lu Bu
-Jonaleth Irenicus
-Lezard Valeth
-Raziel
-Any blue haired kid named Ryu - especially if he's an anorexic kid with goggles
-Dhaos

Should anyone engage any of the above, their funeral will NOT be paid by Seireitei's administration - assuming that enough of them is left to fill a casket.

zerohour · Feb 17, 2008

191. All female members of the 12th division are forbidden from engaging in sexual intercourse with people of Vice Captain level power or higher.

191.a. That's right Mayuri. We heard your "Super Babies of DOOM!!!" Rant.

GaelicDragon · Feb 18, 2008

37e) Who ever convinced Matsumoto and Kuukaku to do the Fred Perry version of "We are a pirate"...we thank you

192) Please stop telling Mayuri that he is just keeping the seat warm until Gina Diggers dies. We have enough trouble keeping Jade ignorant of us as it is.

193) Contact of any kind with anyone affiliated with the Jade realm is strictly forbidden. Anyone with the titles such as "Archmage" or "Armsmaster" earned them. Aizen still hasn't fully recovered from the incident with Johnathan Diggers a few decades ago.

193a) This is retroactive to include any contact before this rule was made. Sorry Renji, your going to have to stand her up. We don't care how long you have been dating "Sheila".

192b) Has anyone seen my Vice-Captain? - Byakuya

zerohour · Feb 18, 2008

194. There is no such thing as a Natural 20. Telling Academy students that writing the number 20 on their equipment will save their lives is wrong.

DhampyrX2 · Feb 19, 2008

195) Mayuri is not just a seat filler until Urahara Kiuske decides he wants to come home, either. Former Captain Urahara is banished and is fobidden from returning. Telling Mayuri this to see the look on his face is wrong.

195a) -even if it's probably true.

195b) WHO THE HELL LET KIUSKE IN HERE TO ADD TO THE LIST?

196) Hanatarou is NOT the hidden emperor of the SHinigami, and he is NOT trying to add to his royal harem. Please stop telling impressionable young Shinigami women this. We're still trying to calm him down after the last incident. He does not need that kind of pressure.

196a) Yes, even if it was funny to see him running like that Matsumoto.

197) Admitted fangirls may no longer hold seated positions in the Gotei 13 unless they have been screened through a rigorous psychological evaluation first. This is now known as "Momo's Rule."

198) Beans are neither magical, nor fruit.

S J C · Feb 19, 2008

199) Elvis is not the King of Soul Society.

200) Ivanova is not god. Nor is she always right.

200a) yes she is.

WarmasterCain55 · Feb 19, 2008

201. Any material given to Rukia must be prescreened by Byakuya. -Ichigo (Really Byakuya)

Bleach Things Shinigami are not allowed to do

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