Akamatsuverse Another blade in a second
- Thread starter HotelKatz
- Start date
Here's the first omake. Any tips to improve it would be fine, but remember that because I'm aiming to put it up on FFN eventualy, try to keep the suggestions to either a T rating or an M rating. (Not sure what Rating I should go for. My gut says for the M rating for possible future omakes.)
Edit - made some changes. The part where Motoko had an ability to tell if someone is lying to merely watching body language.
Edit - made some changes. The part where Motoko had an ability to tell if someone is lying to merely watching body language.
Motoko was sitting on a bench in a park nearby the Hinata and was trying to relax. It had been a bit of a tiring day at the Hinata. Keitaro and his accidents. Kitsune and her sloven ways. Naru and her micromanagement. Shinobu and the fact she cried at the drop of a hat. Su, Sarah, and their troublemaking ways.
“Spirits... How I wish something would take my mind away from the Hinata...†Motoko said, as she looked up.
Almost immediately, a rainbow-colored portal appeared in front and above her. Motoko's eyes widened in surprise.
“AHH!!†screamed a person falling from the portal before it closed on itself. As for the unknown person, she was lying on the ground, twitching a bit.
'She's wearing the Shinmei-Ryu Hakama and could almost pass for a twin of Tsuruko. Almost, because Tsuruko would have easily landed on her feet in any situation,' Motoko thought.
The person sat up, grimacing a bit.
“Damnit.... Su should have told me that the direction of the gravity on one side of the time portal was different on the other side...†The person muttered to themselves as they slowly stood up.
“Su, as in Kaolla Su?†Motoko asked.
“Why yes! How do you-†The person cheerfully asked as they turned to look at Motoko. They paused and had a horrified expression on their face when they saw Motoko.
“Who are you and what business did you have with Su?†Motoko asked with a glare directed at the unknown person.
“...Would you believe I am your cousin, Tomoko?†The person asking in a bit of a sheepish tone. Motoko shook her head. The person sighed. “You might as well call me Tomoko, as you would have a hard time believing who I really am.â€
“Try me,†Motoko replied.
“Before I tell you, what day and year is it? It's rather important,†Tomoko asked.
“I fail to understand why it is important, but it is February 13, 2000,†Motoko answered, sounding a bit unsure. Tomoko smiled and chuckled a bit as she placed her hands on her hips.
“There's still time...†Tomoko said to herself, looking down at the ground. She then looked at Motoko. “I... am you from the future! Ten years to be precise.â€
Motoko's glare got worse.
“How can I be sure that you are telling the truth? What if you're really a demon, merely trying an outrageous trick?†Motoko asked as she stood up, her hand slowly reaching for her bokken.
“I'll tell something that only you and I know,†Tomoko answered with a sly smirk. It reminded Motoko too much of Kitsune.
“Very well. Go ahead,†Motoko replied, as she took a closer look at Tomoko's body language.
“The reason you hate turtles and men is from an incident when you were younger. You walked into Tsuruko's room when she and her boyfriend were undressed and you saw his pe-†Tomoko said, before Motoko rushed over and covered her mouth.
“That will be enough! As much as I don't want to admit it, you are telling the truth. So will you not tell that to anyone else?†Motoko asked in a slightly panicked tone. Tomoko nodded and Motoko uncovered Tomoko's mouth. “So why did you come back in time? Is it to help get rid of the pervert?â€
Tomoko shook her head.
“No, the opposite in fact,†Tomoko answered, making Motoko's eyes widen in either fear or surprise. Before Motoko could say anything, Tomoko took the opportunity to cover Motoko's mouth. “I'm here to get you and Urashima together.â€
Motoko made a loud, but muffled rant.
“Yes, yes. I know you think he's a pervert, but he's not,†Tomoko said. She then muttered, “Su's more of a pervert than him, even in this time. But I'm getting off track. We both know that you have feelings for the hardheaded klutz, even though you try to pass it off as a cold or feeling fond of him like one feels fond of lousy furniture. I'm here to help both you and him get together.â€
Motoko didn't say anything. Her mood seemed to go from angry to curious, so Tomoko let go of her mouth.
“Why?†Motoko asked. Before Tomoko could say anything, Motoko said, “If you do not give me a clear answer, I will reject your help from this day forward.â€
Tomoko sighed and she seemed to lose her happy mood.
“We all thought he was immortal, that he could take any attack without lasting harm. He volunteered to help with the Shinmei-Ryu by being an assistant whenever he could. He helped Su with her inventions. We all should have known that no one can take that abuse for a long time without repercussions...†Tomoko quietly explained as shame, anger, and sorrow showed on her face. She then spat with hate in her voice, “Especially Narusagawa....â€
Motoko raised an eyebrow in curiosity as she asked, “What did she do?â€
“She married him. Any time she felt he stared too long at someone, she hit him. Any time she felt under-appreciated, she hit him. Any time she felt that he was making her look bad by treating her to anything, she hit him. The rest of us should have know his warm smile was turning fake and hollow. Eventually, She hit him because she wasn't sure if she wanted kids or not and all he said was that he would support her in any decision that she made about it. The years of getting hit by everyone sapped his will to live and that hit... wound up... killing him,†Tomoko said, as she started crying near the end.
Not knowing what else to do, Motoko extended her arms for a hug. Tomoko quickly accepted it and continued to cry. As Tomoko continued to cry, Motoko pondered a few things.
'She's really hurting on the inside. Since she is me from the future, she'll stop at nothing to put me and Urashima together. I feel kind of bad that she'll lose out on him a second ti-... wait, perhaps there is something I can do for her...' Motoko thought.
When Tomoko started to calm down, Motoko said with a small curious smile, “I have a different plan that we should follow. I think you'll find it more interesting than your current one.â€
Tomoko stared at Motoko for a while, trying to figure out her younger self's motives. Knowing that Simply staring wouldn't help, she asked, “What is it?â€
Motoko's small smile grew bigger. “We share him.â€
"W-What? What are you talking about?†Tomoko asking, not believing this version of herself would suggest something like that. Maybe the version of herself by the time she writes those novels that had more than a fair share of erotica, but not this one!
“We share him. While I do kind of want him, I'm a bit too Tsundere and have a habit of driving him away when I get too emotional. Since you're an older me, then you've probably gotten over it, haven't you?†Motoko asked, wearing a Kitsune-like grin.
“Whether I have or not is of no concern to you!†Tomoko quickly answered, taking a step away. Motoko chuckled.
“You're a future version of me. So it stands to reason that your past events are a concern to me, since they have a high probability of happening to me,†Motoko replied, taking another step forward.
Tomoko sighed as she walked over to the bench. She motioned for Motoko to join her, which the younger one did.
“Very well, I'll tell the most relevant one at the moment. Tsuruko will come by here sometime in the future. She will try to take you back to Kyoko to receive the Dojo. You'll try to claim that you and Urashima are going to get married. She later learns that is a lie. She defeats you, destroys Shisui, and tells you that you are to live life as a normal female student. You try to be a maid, but it doesn't work out. So you and Urashima go to fight Tsuruko. She makes a challenge for you and Urashima to defeat her in three days after the challenge is issued, with the condition that if you lose, you and Urashima get married for real and you still don't get back in the Shinmei-ryu. Naru interrupts the fight by getting possessed by a cursed sword that Urashima brought, and you exorcise her. That allows to be back in the Shinmei-Ryu,†Tomoko explained as she looked at the ground.
Motoko was silent for a bit. She rubbed her chin in contemplation before saying, “All the more reason you should help me.â€
“No, I made too many mistakes. I don't deserve him,†Tomoko quietly replied.
Motoko replaced her smile with a frown. “You know that he would forgive you if you only ask. Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't want to be in a relationship with him.â€
Tomoko slowly turned her head to look at her younger self's eyes. She was surprised to see that there was none of the fiery anger that she recalled having back then. There was only a warm determination, tempered with love and hope.
“While I do want him, I still refuse.†Tomoko replied.
“Then there is only one thing I can do,†Motoko said, re-gaining the Kitsune smile.
“Oh? What might that be?†Tomoko asked, cheering up a bit as she pondered what her younger self was planning.
“I'll use the ZanmashŠNi-no-Tachi or the Zanmaken Ni-no-Tachi on you whenever you are in front of Urashima. And I'll keep stripping you of your clothes until you agree to my plan,†Motoko answered as if there was no way that Tomoko could refuse.
“I can dodge any of your attacks,†Tomoko replied, ending with an arrogant huff.
“And then the other tenants of the Hinata would have their clothes stripped in front of Keitaro,†Motoko said back.
"And risk Urashima getting stripped in front of them?" Tomoko countered.
"I recall that I once sent ZanmashÅ Ni-no-Tachi at him, Naru, and Mutsumi. Only Mutsumi's and Naru's clothes were destroyed," Motoko replied. "So something about him makes his clothes immune to its effect."
Tomoko was silent for a bit as she tried to think up a counter argument. She sighed once more before saying, “Fine, you win. But who will be first wife?â€
“You will, and I have a question for you,†Motoko replied.
“What is it?†Tomoko asked.
“If we both get pregnant with Urashima's children, will they be cousins or siblings?†Motoko asked.
“Uh... Uh... Huh... That is a bit of a good question...†Tomoko muttered. She shook her head to clear it of the question. “But that is not our main concern at the moment. First we need to plan for how we go after Urashima.â€
“I take it that merely having our way with him is out of the question...†Motoko asked. She sounded either a bit amused or a bit regretful. Tomoko couldn't tell.
“Despite what you may think, he's not a pervert. In my past, when Tsuruko tossed me out of the clan, Urashima allowed me to still stay. I was in a t-shirt and panties and I wept on his shoulder, looking for any comfort in front of me. Instead of taking advantage of the situation like a pervert would have, he covered his face with clothespins. At first, the sight shocked me, but then I found it very amusing,†Tomoko said, sounding like she was reliving the memories.
“I almost wish I experienced it...†Motoko muttered sounding a bit wistful.
“Well, at least you will be able to have Shisui in one piece,†Tomoko said, pointing at Motoko.
“Oh? What happened?†Motoko asked, sounding concerned for Shisui.
“When Tsuruko cast me out, she broke Shisui, like I told you?†Tomoko quietly asked. Motoko felt sheepish for forgetting that detail.
“I have Shisui on me, if you want to take a look at it...†Motoko said, as she brought out the sword, still in its sheath.
Tomoko's eyes widened as she looked at what Motoko offered. “May.... May I hold it?â€
Motoko nodded and Tomoko snatched Shisui out of her hands. Then Motoko was treated to the bizarre sight of a grown woman hugging a sword as if it were a teddy bear.
“Oh, Shisui! I promise to never let you break! Ever!†Tomoko cheerfully said, as she rubbed her cheek against Shisui's grip. A large sweatdrop appeared behind Motoko's head.
“...You're getting creepy. Please let go of Shisui,†Motoko said. She wanted to take Shisui away from her older self, but Tomoko snuggling Shisui was creeped her out too much to do so.
Tomoko seemed like she didn't hear Motoko for a few seconds, but eventually handed Shisui back.
“Sorry about that,†Tomoko replied.
“Okay, but don't do it again in front of me,†Motoko said, as she stood up.
“Where are you going?†Tomoko asked as she stood up.
“We're going back to the Hinata. We'll plan for what we're going to do to win Urashima's heart along the way,†Motoko answered.
Tomoko nodded.
-oOo-
Keitaro had been taking advantage of his rare free time by taking a nap in a storage room. As he was slowly waking up, he felt something warm and soft at his sides.
When he opened his eyes, Keitaro was shocked into being fully awake when he saw Motoko and what looked like her older sister laying to his left and right.
“Mo-Mo-Motoko!†Keitaro cried out as he tried to back away. Motoko and the mystery woman grabbed his arms to prevent that.
“Urashima, Calm down.†Motoko said, while Keitaro struggled.
“I am Motoko's cousin, Tomoko. I came here because I heard that Motoko has been acting like a Tsundere towards a cute guy. It seems like you fit the description of the latter,†The mystery woman said.
“So what are you here for? A... A room?†Keitaro nervously asked. On one hand, he kinda enjoyed the affectionate way she and Motoko were looking at him. On the other hand, it rarely happened before without him winding up in a situation where he wound up looking like a pervert and then getting attacked.
“Sort of. Motoko and I talked about this and that. Eventually, we decided on one thing, Tomoko answered, as she and Motoko began to hug Keitaro's arms.
“An-and what is that?†Keitaro asked, hoping he wasn't going to wind up getting attacked.
“We've decided on making you our boyfriend and sharing you,†Motoko said.
Keitaro did the only thing that came to mind at the moment.
He fainted.
“Spirits... How I wish something would take my mind away from the Hinata...†Motoko said, as she looked up.
Almost immediately, a rainbow-colored portal appeared in front and above her. Motoko's eyes widened in surprise.
“AHH!!†screamed a person falling from the portal before it closed on itself. As for the unknown person, she was lying on the ground, twitching a bit.
'She's wearing the Shinmei-Ryu Hakama and could almost pass for a twin of Tsuruko. Almost, because Tsuruko would have easily landed on her feet in any situation,' Motoko thought.
The person sat up, grimacing a bit.
“Damnit.... Su should have told me that the direction of the gravity on one side of the time portal was different on the other side...†The person muttered to themselves as they slowly stood up.
“Su, as in Kaolla Su?†Motoko asked.
“Why yes! How do you-†The person cheerfully asked as they turned to look at Motoko. They paused and had a horrified expression on their face when they saw Motoko.
“Who are you and what business did you have with Su?†Motoko asked with a glare directed at the unknown person.
“...Would you believe I am your cousin, Tomoko?†The person asking in a bit of a sheepish tone. Motoko shook her head. The person sighed. “You might as well call me Tomoko, as you would have a hard time believing who I really am.â€
“Try me,†Motoko replied.
“Before I tell you, what day and year is it? It's rather important,†Tomoko asked.
“I fail to understand why it is important, but it is February 13, 2000,†Motoko answered, sounding a bit unsure. Tomoko smiled and chuckled a bit as she placed her hands on her hips.
“There's still time...†Tomoko said to herself, looking down at the ground. She then looked at Motoko. “I... am you from the future! Ten years to be precise.â€
Motoko's glare got worse.
“How can I be sure that you are telling the truth? What if you're really a demon, merely trying an outrageous trick?†Motoko asked as she stood up, her hand slowly reaching for her bokken.
“I'll tell something that only you and I know,†Tomoko answered with a sly smirk. It reminded Motoko too much of Kitsune.
“Very well. Go ahead,†Motoko replied, as she took a closer look at Tomoko's body language.
“The reason you hate turtles and men is from an incident when you were younger. You walked into Tsuruko's room when she and her boyfriend were undressed and you saw his pe-†Tomoko said, before Motoko rushed over and covered her mouth.
“That will be enough! As much as I don't want to admit it, you are telling the truth. So will you not tell that to anyone else?†Motoko asked in a slightly panicked tone. Tomoko nodded and Motoko uncovered Tomoko's mouth. “So why did you come back in time? Is it to help get rid of the pervert?â€
Tomoko shook her head.
“No, the opposite in fact,†Tomoko answered, making Motoko's eyes widen in either fear or surprise. Before Motoko could say anything, Tomoko took the opportunity to cover Motoko's mouth. “I'm here to get you and Urashima together.â€
Motoko made a loud, but muffled rant.
“Yes, yes. I know you think he's a pervert, but he's not,†Tomoko said. She then muttered, “Su's more of a pervert than him, even in this time. But I'm getting off track. We both know that you have feelings for the hardheaded klutz, even though you try to pass it off as a cold or feeling fond of him like one feels fond of lousy furniture. I'm here to help both you and him get together.â€
Motoko didn't say anything. Her mood seemed to go from angry to curious, so Tomoko let go of her mouth.
“Why?†Motoko asked. Before Tomoko could say anything, Motoko said, “If you do not give me a clear answer, I will reject your help from this day forward.â€
Tomoko sighed and she seemed to lose her happy mood.
“We all thought he was immortal, that he could take any attack without lasting harm. He volunteered to help with the Shinmei-Ryu by being an assistant whenever he could. He helped Su with her inventions. We all should have known that no one can take that abuse for a long time without repercussions...†Tomoko quietly explained as shame, anger, and sorrow showed on her face. She then spat with hate in her voice, “Especially Narusagawa....â€
Motoko raised an eyebrow in curiosity as she asked, “What did she do?â€
“She married him. Any time she felt he stared too long at someone, she hit him. Any time she felt under-appreciated, she hit him. Any time she felt that he was making her look bad by treating her to anything, she hit him. The rest of us should have know his warm smile was turning fake and hollow. Eventually, She hit him because she wasn't sure if she wanted kids or not and all he said was that he would support her in any decision that she made about it. The years of getting hit by everyone sapped his will to live and that hit... wound up... killing him,†Tomoko said, as she started crying near the end.
Not knowing what else to do, Motoko extended her arms for a hug. Tomoko quickly accepted it and continued to cry. As Tomoko continued to cry, Motoko pondered a few things.
'She's really hurting on the inside. Since she is me from the future, she'll stop at nothing to put me and Urashima together. I feel kind of bad that she'll lose out on him a second ti-... wait, perhaps there is something I can do for her...' Motoko thought.
When Tomoko started to calm down, Motoko said with a small curious smile, “I have a different plan that we should follow. I think you'll find it more interesting than your current one.â€
Tomoko stared at Motoko for a while, trying to figure out her younger self's motives. Knowing that Simply staring wouldn't help, she asked, “What is it?â€
Motoko's small smile grew bigger. “We share him.â€
"W-What? What are you talking about?†Tomoko asking, not believing this version of herself would suggest something like that. Maybe the version of herself by the time she writes those novels that had more than a fair share of erotica, but not this one!
“We share him. While I do kind of want him, I'm a bit too Tsundere and have a habit of driving him away when I get too emotional. Since you're an older me, then you've probably gotten over it, haven't you?†Motoko asked, wearing a Kitsune-like grin.
“Whether I have or not is of no concern to you!†Tomoko quickly answered, taking a step away. Motoko chuckled.
“You're a future version of me. So it stands to reason that your past events are a concern to me, since they have a high probability of happening to me,†Motoko replied, taking another step forward.
Tomoko sighed as she walked over to the bench. She motioned for Motoko to join her, which the younger one did.
“Very well, I'll tell the most relevant one at the moment. Tsuruko will come by here sometime in the future. She will try to take you back to Kyoko to receive the Dojo. You'll try to claim that you and Urashima are going to get married. She later learns that is a lie. She defeats you, destroys Shisui, and tells you that you are to live life as a normal female student. You try to be a maid, but it doesn't work out. So you and Urashima go to fight Tsuruko. She makes a challenge for you and Urashima to defeat her in three days after the challenge is issued, with the condition that if you lose, you and Urashima get married for real and you still don't get back in the Shinmei-ryu. Naru interrupts the fight by getting possessed by a cursed sword that Urashima brought, and you exorcise her. That allows to be back in the Shinmei-Ryu,†Tomoko explained as she looked at the ground.
Motoko was silent for a bit. She rubbed her chin in contemplation before saying, “All the more reason you should help me.â€
“No, I made too many mistakes. I don't deserve him,†Tomoko quietly replied.
Motoko replaced her smile with a frown. “You know that he would forgive you if you only ask. Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't want to be in a relationship with him.â€
Tomoko slowly turned her head to look at her younger self's eyes. She was surprised to see that there was none of the fiery anger that she recalled having back then. There was only a warm determination, tempered with love and hope.
“While I do want him, I still refuse.†Tomoko replied.
“Then there is only one thing I can do,†Motoko said, re-gaining the Kitsune smile.
“Oh? What might that be?†Tomoko asked, cheering up a bit as she pondered what her younger self was planning.
“I'll use the ZanmashŠNi-no-Tachi or the Zanmaken Ni-no-Tachi on you whenever you are in front of Urashima. And I'll keep stripping you of your clothes until you agree to my plan,†Motoko answered as if there was no way that Tomoko could refuse.
“I can dodge any of your attacks,†Tomoko replied, ending with an arrogant huff.
“And then the other tenants of the Hinata would have their clothes stripped in front of Keitaro,†Motoko said back.
"And risk Urashima getting stripped in front of them?" Tomoko countered.
"I recall that I once sent ZanmashÅ Ni-no-Tachi at him, Naru, and Mutsumi. Only Mutsumi's and Naru's clothes were destroyed," Motoko replied. "So something about him makes his clothes immune to its effect."
Tomoko was silent for a bit as she tried to think up a counter argument. She sighed once more before saying, “Fine, you win. But who will be first wife?â€
“You will, and I have a question for you,†Motoko replied.
“What is it?†Tomoko asked.
“If we both get pregnant with Urashima's children, will they be cousins or siblings?†Motoko asked.
“Uh... Uh... Huh... That is a bit of a good question...†Tomoko muttered. She shook her head to clear it of the question. “But that is not our main concern at the moment. First we need to plan for how we go after Urashima.â€
“I take it that merely having our way with him is out of the question...†Motoko asked. She sounded either a bit amused or a bit regretful. Tomoko couldn't tell.
“Despite what you may think, he's not a pervert. In my past, when Tsuruko tossed me out of the clan, Urashima allowed me to still stay. I was in a t-shirt and panties and I wept on his shoulder, looking for any comfort in front of me. Instead of taking advantage of the situation like a pervert would have, he covered his face with clothespins. At first, the sight shocked me, but then I found it very amusing,†Tomoko said, sounding like she was reliving the memories.
“I almost wish I experienced it...†Motoko muttered sounding a bit wistful.
“Well, at least you will be able to have Shisui in one piece,†Tomoko said, pointing at Motoko.
“Oh? What happened?†Motoko asked, sounding concerned for Shisui.
“When Tsuruko cast me out, she broke Shisui, like I told you?†Tomoko quietly asked. Motoko felt sheepish for forgetting that detail.
“I have Shisui on me, if you want to take a look at it...†Motoko said, as she brought out the sword, still in its sheath.
Tomoko's eyes widened as she looked at what Motoko offered. “May.... May I hold it?â€
Motoko nodded and Tomoko snatched Shisui out of her hands. Then Motoko was treated to the bizarre sight of a grown woman hugging a sword as if it were a teddy bear.
“Oh, Shisui! I promise to never let you break! Ever!†Tomoko cheerfully said, as she rubbed her cheek against Shisui's grip. A large sweatdrop appeared behind Motoko's head.
“...You're getting creepy. Please let go of Shisui,†Motoko said. She wanted to take Shisui away from her older self, but Tomoko snuggling Shisui was creeped her out too much to do so.
Tomoko seemed like she didn't hear Motoko for a few seconds, but eventually handed Shisui back.
“Sorry about that,†Tomoko replied.
“Okay, but don't do it again in front of me,†Motoko said, as she stood up.
“Where are you going?†Tomoko asked as she stood up.
“We're going back to the Hinata. We'll plan for what we're going to do to win Urashima's heart along the way,†Motoko answered.
Tomoko nodded.
-oOo-
Keitaro had been taking advantage of his rare free time by taking a nap in a storage room. As he was slowly waking up, he felt something warm and soft at his sides.
When he opened his eyes, Keitaro was shocked into being fully awake when he saw Motoko and what looked like her older sister laying to his left and right.
“Mo-Mo-Motoko!†Keitaro cried out as he tried to back away. Motoko and the mystery woman grabbed his arms to prevent that.
“Urashima, Calm down.†Motoko said, while Keitaro struggled.
“I am Motoko's cousin, Tomoko. I came here because I heard that Motoko has been acting like a Tsundere towards a cute guy. It seems like you fit the description of the latter,†The mystery woman said.
“So what are you here for? A... A room?†Keitaro nervously asked. On one hand, he kinda enjoyed the affectionate way she and Motoko were looking at him. On the other hand, it rarely happened before without him winding up in a situation where he wound up looking like a pervert and then getting attacked.
“Sort of. Motoko and I talked about this and that. Eventually, we decided on one thing, Tomoko answered, as she and Motoko began to hug Keitaro's arms.
“An-and what is that?†Keitaro asked, hoping he wasn't going to wind up getting attacked.
“We've decided on making you our boyfriend and sharing you,†Motoko said.
Keitaro did the only thing that came to mind at the moment.
He fainted.
Well...
s/b "rainbow colored"
Ahh... the chocolate fiasco
Well... my sympathy for Motoko just died in this story, well, at least the omake. If she had a technique like that, and this early in the series, that makes her statements about Keitaro all the worse.
s/b "off track"
s/b "should have known"
I note during this part neither is all that concerned that it is likely, with keitaros luck, that he might get caught in it and stripped for them.
"say" s/b "stay"
I cannot blame him, being told he has two girl friends, one whom is Motoko, and another whom is dressed like her, holds the promise (from his viewpoint at this time) of having two powerful insane people attached to him, with the potential for twice as many hits...
s/b "rainbow colored"
Ahh... the chocolate fiasco
Well... my sympathy for Motoko just died in this story, well, at least the omake. If she had a technique like that, and this early in the series, that makes her statements about Keitaro all the worse.
s/b "off track"
s/b "should have known"
I note during this part neither is all that concerned that it is likely, with keitaros luck, that he might get caught in it and stripped for them.
"say" s/b "stay"
I cannot blame him, being told he has two girl friends, one whom is Motoko, and another whom is dressed like her, holds the promise (from his viewpoint at this time) of having two powerful insane people attached to him, with the potential for twice as many hits...
Cute Omake
I was cracking up at Motoko's sudden shift from closet tsundere to "okay, we share him... but you go first!"
And the fact that Tomoko isn't that much more mature than her younger self :snigger:
Although there is one more private secret Motoko has that even less people (in canon) know.
She writes romance novels where the female lead gets defeated by and falls for the male lead...
where the female is an expy of herself and the male is an expy of a certain ex-ronin
Keep up the good work Katz!
I was cracking up at Motoko's sudden shift from closet tsundere to "okay, we share him... but you go first!"
And the fact that Tomoko isn't that much more mature than her younger self :snigger:
Although there is one more private secret Motoko has that even less people (in canon) know.
She writes romance novels where the female lead gets defeated by and falls for the male lead...
where the female is an expy of herself and the male is an expy of a certain ex-ronin
Keep up the good work Katz!
My favorite part was Tomoko hugging Shisui.
And didn't Motoko start writing those during the six months time skip because she kept daydreaming during the times she was trying to study?
Now I got inspiration for a possible addition to the Omake.
---
"You write romance novels where the female lead gets defeated by and falls for the male lead..." Tomoko said with a smirk. "The female lead tends to resemble ourselves, while the male Lead resembles Urashima."
Motoko crossed her arms and looked more annoyed than anything else. After a few seconds of silence, Tomoko started to lose her smirk.
"I do not recall ever writing such a thing. So when have I done that?" Motoko asked.
"While you were studying for... the... Todai... exam... Shit..." Tomoko trailed off as she started to look shocked or horrified. "Let me try again!"
"Tch. I doubt you can prove who you claim to be, but I'm feeling generous," Motoko replied
And didn't Motoko start writing those during the six months time skip because she kept daydreaming during the times she was trying to study?
Now I got inspiration for a possible addition to the Omake.
---
"You write romance novels where the female lead gets defeated by and falls for the male lead..." Tomoko said with a smirk. "The female lead tends to resemble ourselves, while the male Lead resembles Urashima."
Motoko crossed her arms and looked more annoyed than anything else. After a few seconds of silence, Tomoko started to lose her smirk.
"I do not recall ever writing such a thing. So when have I done that?" Motoko asked.
"While you were studying for... the... Todai... exam... Shit..." Tomoko trailed off as she started to look shocked or horrified. "Let me try again!"
"Tch. I doubt you can prove who you claim to be, but I'm feeling generous," Motoko replied
Came up with a bit more for chapter 24.
Chapter 20 - the girls go to the hot springs to help Motoko somehow. Kitsune and Shinobu are reluctant to let Tomoko and Tsuruko come in as well because they were responsible for making Motoko be Keitaro's servant. Tomoko and Tsuruko give some reason that kind of helps them get in. While in the hot springs, a discussion between the girls about the current situation. They probably discuss what they would do in Keitaro's place and also if they were in Motoko's place. Tomoko decides to try her best at getting Keitaro like her again, since he kind of dislikes both her and Tsuruko for their actions towards Motoko.
chapter 21 - Keitaro does his best to tell Motoko that he won't abuse his position. In face he tries to tell her that if anything, Things will go on as they did before. Motoko overreacts in various ways before running and hiding in her room
chapter 22 - Naru returns. She gets pissed off at Keitaro when she learns of what happened. When she learns that it was Tomoko's and Tsuruko's actions that were mostly responsible, Naru tries to make them and Keitaro feel guilty about what they done. Keitaro, possibly because he's a bit worn out at recent events, asks Naru to calm down. When Naru starts to swing at Keitaro, Motoko looks over at Tsuruko and does not like the look in Tsuruko's eyes. Motoko quickly stops Naru's punch.
(I thank you, PCHeintz72 for your help with the planning of 20, 21, 22)
Chapter 23 - Naru is mystified at what Motoko did. Motoko explains that she is bound to serve Keitaro for a year, and she needs him to live for that. Naru stops away to her room and Kitsune follows after her.Kitsune then tells Naru what she learned from spying on Su. Dunno how Naru should act. Perhaps then some bit where Keitaro trips and lands on Tsuruko. Keitaro fully expects Tsuruko to act like how Motoko usually does, but she doesn't. Tsuruko doesn't even blame Keitaro, she instead blames the Inn's spirit or power and claims that it is doing a poor job at pairing up people if it continues to make one person look like a clumsy pervert.
Chapter 24 - Seta tries to explain to Keitaro that he is intruding on the Aoyama's honor by saying nothing will change. Naru speaks with Mutsumi to pass the time or to calm down, and gets a cold shiver down her spine when Mutsumi reminds her about the warning that Naru should have decided her feelings. Naru says she needs more time. Mutsumi sighs and then says Naru had enough time to decide. Naru asks what is the punishment. Mutsumi says that she will not hold back and will go after Keitaro. Naru acts like Mutsumi betrayed her, but Mutsumi tells her that everyone had been holding back their feelings for Keitaro because they cared for Naru. She then says she is starting to think that Naru enjoyed the attention and also being in first place for Keitaro's heart when everyone was holding back and rooting for her. Naru yells for Mutsumi to leave her room. Mutsumi does so, but says that maybe Tomoko coming to the Hinata was a good thing, since it made her realize what Naru had been doing.
chapter 21 - Keitaro does his best to tell Motoko that he won't abuse his position. In face he tries to tell her that if anything, Things will go on as they did before. Motoko overreacts in various ways before running and hiding in her room
chapter 22 - Naru returns. She gets pissed off at Keitaro when she learns of what happened. When she learns that it was Tomoko's and Tsuruko's actions that were mostly responsible, Naru tries to make them and Keitaro feel guilty about what they done. Keitaro, possibly because he's a bit worn out at recent events, asks Naru to calm down. When Naru starts to swing at Keitaro, Motoko looks over at Tsuruko and does not like the look in Tsuruko's eyes. Motoko quickly stops Naru's punch.
(I thank you, PCHeintz72 for your help with the planning of 20, 21, 22)
Chapter 23 - Naru is mystified at what Motoko did. Motoko explains that she is bound to serve Keitaro for a year, and she needs him to live for that. Naru stops away to her room and Kitsune follows after her.Kitsune then tells Naru what she learned from spying on Su. Dunno how Naru should act. Perhaps then some bit where Keitaro trips and lands on Tsuruko. Keitaro fully expects Tsuruko to act like how Motoko usually does, but she doesn't. Tsuruko doesn't even blame Keitaro, she instead blames the Inn's spirit or power and claims that it is doing a poor job at pairing up people if it continues to make one person look like a clumsy pervert.
Chapter 24 - Seta tries to explain to Keitaro that he is intruding on the Aoyama's honor by saying nothing will change. Naru speaks with Mutsumi to pass the time or to calm down, and gets a cold shiver down her spine when Mutsumi reminds her about the warning that Naru should have decided her feelings. Naru says she needs more time. Mutsumi sighs and then says Naru had enough time to decide. Naru asks what is the punishment. Mutsumi says that she will not hold back and will go after Keitaro. Naru acts like Mutsumi betrayed her, but Mutsumi tells her that everyone had been holding back their feelings for Keitaro because they cared for Naru. She then says she is starting to think that Naru enjoyed the attention and also being in first place for Keitaro's heart when everyone was holding back and rooting for her. Naru yells for Mutsumi to leave her room. Mutsumi does so, but says that maybe Tomoko coming to the Hinata was a good thing, since it made her realize what Naru had been doing.
Seta noting he is intruding on Aoyama honor is all good and fine for you, as that supports the direction the story is going thanks to the fight, but he is making the mistake Haruka is/was making in not taking him into account.
Be aware the counter argument Keitaro could/should make... They are intruding on *his* honor by involving him in internal Aoyama politics and not even getting his approval in advance but merely telling him what would occur.
I realize you want this to occur, I'm just pointing out they are not really as in the clear as they think, and they've made the assumption he would just go along with it, even after all that has been done by all of them to irritate him.
He has been stung, in several ways by several people, and he is still coming to grips with it. He has proven to be a very forgiving individual, but even still, none of this will make him *like* what is going on. Which is really what they want to happen, or at least grow into it.
EDIT:
The Mutsumi switch in stances is a bit abrupt... might want more of a build up to her outwardly saying it... maybe a few small snippet scenes scatters in the prior chapters of her watching events or slowly coming to think on those lines. Remember, it was her that approached Keitaro to have Tomoko thrown out...
Be aware the counter argument Keitaro could/should make... They are intruding on *his* honor by involving him in internal Aoyama politics and not even getting his approval in advance but merely telling him what would occur.
I realize you want this to occur, I'm just pointing out they are not really as in the clear as they think, and they've made the assumption he would just go along with it, even after all that has been done by all of them to irritate him.
He has been stung, in several ways by several people, and he is still coming to grips with it. He has proven to be a very forgiving individual, but even still, none of this will make him *like* what is going on. Which is really what they want to happen, or at least grow into it.
EDIT:
The Mutsumi switch in stances is a bit abrupt... might want more of a build up to her outwardly saying it... maybe a few small snippet scenes scatters in the prior chapters of her watching events or slowly coming to think on those lines. Remember, it was her that approached Keitaro to have Tomoko thrown out...
That's what I like about you, PCHeintz72. You point out what I either miss or unable to see and preventing me from creating mary sues.
I'll put in the information about Keitaro's counter argument in the planned outline in a day or two. There's a part of me that kinda wants Seta to then say that Keitaro has a bit of a right to throw Motoko and Tomoko out for bringing him into matters he never asked to be in. I vaguely remember some rules about the relationship between a host and a guest, and how matters between guests should stay between the guests and that if it starts to get violent, the guests should leave the premises for their quarrel.
As for the Mutsumi thing, I wrote a very brief foreshadowing in chapter 14 about her changing view. But I guess I should do like you say and write a few small snippet scenes scatters in the prior chapters of her watching events or slowly coming to think on those. Mainly because now that I think about it, I didn't write enough about her changing. Perhaps I should also hold off on her declaring her punishment for Naru for a chapter or two. Sort of give Mutsumi's changing a bit more breathing room.
But then I run the risk of writing Mutsumi's conversation with Naru in chapter 24 be something like this-
Mutsumi : is there anything you decided on while you were away?
Naru : Nope.
Mutsumi : Are you sure?
Naru : Sorry, Can't think of a thing.
I'll put in the information about Keitaro's counter argument in the planned outline in a day or two. There's a part of me that kinda wants Seta to then say that Keitaro has a bit of a right to throw Motoko and Tomoko out for bringing him into matters he never asked to be in. I vaguely remember some rules about the relationship between a host and a guest, and how matters between guests should stay between the guests and that if it starts to get violent, the guests should leave the premises for their quarrel.
As for the Mutsumi thing, I wrote a very brief foreshadowing in chapter 14 about her changing view. But I guess I should do like you say and write a few small snippet scenes scatters in the prior chapters of her watching events or slowly coming to think on those. Mainly because now that I think about it, I didn't write enough about her changing. Perhaps I should also hold off on her declaring her punishment for Naru for a chapter or two. Sort of give Mutsumi's changing a bit more breathing room.
But then I run the risk of writing Mutsumi's conversation with Naru in chapter 24 be something like this-
Mutsumi : is there anything you decided on while you were away?
Naru : Nope.
Mutsumi : Are you sure?
Naru : Sorry, Can't think of a thing.
Keitaro throwing guests out for being violent is most likely a non-issue... he could have done that to them at almost any point, considering he did not even when they put him on trial and threatened to kill him, it is seriously doubtful he would even consider it. Even while put out with Tomoko earlier, he refused to be browbeaten by his tenants into evicting her.
The issue with Mutsumi is that her outright telling Keitaro to kick Tomoko out sticks, at least with me (and probably Keitaro), as it is such a extreme reaction for the normally very bla-se type attitude she normally has... The one small scene from several chapters previous, and more like 10 previous by the time 24 comes up, not only did not stick with me much, but would not be enough for me to believe she was suddenly in support of them staying.
The issue with Mutsumi is that her outright telling Keitaro to kick Tomoko out sticks, at least with me (and probably Keitaro), as it is such a extreme reaction for the normally very bla-se type attitude she normally has... The one small scene from several chapters previous, and more like 10 previous by the time 24 comes up, not only did not stick with me much, but would not be enough for me to believe she was suddenly in support of them staying.
Oh, I get it now. I misunderstood. I was not intending for Mutsumi to suddenly support Tomoko staying. Only that Tomoko coming there somehow allowed Mutsumi to realize that while Naru does care about Keitaro, she has been stringing him along to make herself feel more important. The only changing view of Mutsumi is her going from not chasing after Keitaro to going after him.
As for why Mutsumi wants Tomoko to leave, The turtle girl somehow sensed that Tomoko does not belong in the current time period back then and that somehow really irritated Mutsumi.
I probably should find a way to hint that better. Any suggestions?
At the moment, I'm currently considering Mutsumi thinking something like this, 'Wait, the reason Tomoko bothers me is because she is from the future and that somehow makes her aura bother me.', since Mutsumi does know that Tomoko is from the future.
As for why Mutsumi wants Tomoko to leave, The turtle girl somehow sensed that Tomoko does not belong in the current time period back then and that somehow really irritated Mutsumi.
I probably should find a way to hint that better. Any suggestions?
At the moment, I'm currently considering Mutsumi thinking something like this, 'Wait, the reason Tomoko bothers me is because she is from the future and that somehow makes her aura bother me.', since Mutsumi does know that Tomoko is from the future.
I must be having a bad week or something with communication. Seems like it with some events happening to me in RL.
That last part is merely Mutsumi realizing to herself why Tomoko bothers her. She isn't going to tell Keitaro anything out of fear about what he might do if he thought he was Tomoko's father and Tsuruko was the mother.
I'd only use the thought thing if I am unable to better communicate to the reader why Tomoko's presence bothers Mutsumi.
Now that I think about it, I probably should plan to write a bit where Su or someone else realizes that making Kitsune and the others think that Keitaro is Tomoko's father is a bad thing.
That last part is merely Mutsumi realizing to herself why Tomoko bothers her. She isn't going to tell Keitaro anything out of fear about what he might do if he thought he was Tomoko's father and Tsuruko was the mother.
I'd only use the thought thing if I am unable to better communicate to the reader why Tomoko's presence bothers Mutsumi.
Now that I think about it, I probably should plan to write a bit where Su or someone else realizes that making Kitsune and the others think that Keitaro is Tomoko's father is a bad thing.
I'm not sure Mutsumi should be able to pinpoint why "Tomoko feels weird/odd/off"... while she gets used as a Deus Ex Machina for some of the more hillarious and ridiculous happenstances, she's not an ESPer or magical being.
As Heintz said... Mutsumi has a very blasé personality, and would pretty much let anything slide, unless it is actually affecting her friends (Keitaro in particular, Naru to a slightly lesser degree), and even then she'd try to change the subject.
If anything, Mutsumi might make some off comments about stuff changing in the Hinata Sou since Tomoko arrived, would she voice out if it's her "aura" or something. Whether for good or ill, Tomoko is there and as things seem, she might be there for good; also someone actually hearing out Mutsumi's comments would be hit or miss with the Hina Girls.
As Heintz said... Mutsumi has a very blasé personality, and would pretty much let anything slide, unless it is actually affecting her friends (Keitaro in particular, Naru to a slightly lesser degree), and even then she'd try to change the subject.
If anything, Mutsumi might make some off comments about stuff changing in the Hinata Sou since Tomoko arrived, would she voice out if it's her "aura" or something. Whether for good or ill, Tomoko is there and as things seem, she might be there for good; also someone actually hearing out Mutsumi's comments would be hit or miss with the Hina Girls.
So I should probably go back and dial down the dislike Mutsumi has for Tomoko... or at least dial it down for future chapters.
I was going for that situation where two people should get along, but one of them can't stand the other for unexplained reasons.
I still want to do it, but going how the two of you are pointing out that I'm kinda making Mutsumi go out of character, I probably should do something else with er.
Then again, I kinda am, what with planning on making Mutsumi slowly decide to go after Keitaro.
I was going for that situation where two people should get along, but one of them can't stand the other for unexplained reasons.
I still want to do it, but going how the two of you are pointing out that I'm kinda making Mutsumi go out of character, I probably should do something else with er.
Then again, I kinda am, what with planning on making Mutsumi slowly decide to go after Keitaro.
How to put this so it makes sense.
Canon Mutsumi (manga or anime makes little difference for this) would not show herself to have a near hatred or extreme reaction as she did to Tomoko.
Whatever the reason you want to ascribe to it though, *she did here* Because of that, at least with me as a reader it stuck, we know it, we expect it, and now it is in this story her attitude that we see.
*Changing* that, had best show a clear and believable line of reasoning why, otherwise, her going back to a manga/anime canon type personality or otherwise reversing direction on the attitude makes her of all things out of character in the story. The two differing attitudes do not fit nor can be resolved by a reader w/o a good backdrop why being provided.
Thus, as I see it, you have three options that do not involve redoing prior chapters, which taken depends on your goal for the character...
1. If the desire is to have her accept Tomoko, then show her slowly coming around in thought, show scene snippets, or have her watch actions of Tomoko and attempt to figure out why she is doing what she is doing and agree with it.
2. If the desire is to not have her accept Tomoko, but not alienate Keitaro (which she was in danger of actually doing given his smackdown of the kick out idea), then have her come to realize her actions were extreme for the situation, since she had little proof to give, maybe even have Tama berate her.
3. If she either is unimportant to the story, or you *want* her to be alienated by Keitaro... you can either have her side against Tomoko (perhaps side with Naru in so doing), and have her slowly drift out of the picture, or perhaps with a big blow up.
There may be more options, but it is probably depending upon the ultimate goal you have for Mutsumi's involvement in the overall plot of the story.
Canon Mutsumi (manga or anime makes little difference for this) would not show herself to have a near hatred or extreme reaction as she did to Tomoko.
Whatever the reason you want to ascribe to it though, *she did here* Because of that, at least with me as a reader it stuck, we know it, we expect it, and now it is in this story her attitude that we see.
*Changing* that, had best show a clear and believable line of reasoning why, otherwise, her going back to a manga/anime canon type personality or otherwise reversing direction on the attitude makes her of all things out of character in the story. The two differing attitudes do not fit nor can be resolved by a reader w/o a good backdrop why being provided.
Thus, as I see it, you have three options that do not involve redoing prior chapters, which taken depends on your goal for the character...
1. If the desire is to have her accept Tomoko, then show her slowly coming around in thought, show scene snippets, or have her watch actions of Tomoko and attempt to figure out why she is doing what she is doing and agree with it.
2. If the desire is to not have her accept Tomoko, but not alienate Keitaro (which she was in danger of actually doing given his smackdown of the kick out idea), then have her come to realize her actions were extreme for the situation, since she had little proof to give, maybe even have Tama berate her.
3. If she either is unimportant to the story, or you *want* her to be alienated by Keitaro... you can either have her side against Tomoko (perhaps side with Naru in so doing), and have her slowly drift out of the picture, or perhaps with a big blow up.
There may be more options, but it is probably depending upon the ultimate goal you have for Mutsumi's involvement in the overall plot of the story.
The dislike is momentary, directed at myself, and akin to the feeling when not being allowed to follow though what seems to be a good idea at the time, but later on, it turns out that the 'good' idea was a bad idea.
So I will be following your advice and commentary. The advantages are too good to ignore.
So I will be following your advice and commentary. The advantages are too good to ignore.
One idea that keeps popping up to me that feels like filler (and lousy filler at that!) is Kitsune and maybe Naru conspire to get Tomoko drunk to get her to admit in front of Keitaro that she is from the future.
Unfortunately, it blows up in their faces, as Tomoko is either a weepy drunk because of the reason she came back in the first place, an angry drunk because for the same reason and maybe because she also hates herself for screwing up more than helping since coming back to the past, or Tomoko is a flirty drunk.
I only posted this to stop it from coming to me when I brainstorm. I really don't want to use it because I honestly don't think it adds to the story.
But as I typed that, I realized that it could be a way for Kitsune, Naru, and Keitaro to learn Tomoko's real secret and reason for coming back to the past, but it seems... hackneyed, lame, a copout, and kinda going against the story in a way.
Unfortunately, it blows up in their faces, as Tomoko is either a weepy drunk because of the reason she came back in the first place, an angry drunk because for the same reason and maybe because she also hates herself for screwing up more than helping since coming back to the past, or Tomoko is a flirty drunk.
I only posted this to stop it from coming to me when I brainstorm. I really don't want to use it because I honestly don't think it adds to the story.
But as I typed that, I realized that it could be a way for Kitsune, Naru, and Keitaro to learn Tomoko's real secret and reason for coming back to the past, but it seems... hackneyed, lame, a copout, and kinda going against the story in a way.
Added a few things for Chapter 24's planning
Also, what should my next Omake or Oneshot be?
A.) A oneshot based on the idea that Antimatter had,
B.) an omake where the fight between Tomoko and Motoko somehow winds up with them making out with each other?
C.) Because my memory of Doctor Who and the characterizations of the Time Lord is extremely hazy, I find someone who'd be willing to write the Doctor's dialogue in an omake where he stops Tomoko from going back into the past, but Su distracts him with jelly babies long enough for Tomoko to go back into the past.
D.) A brief foreshadowing of the PuchiHina fic where the Chibi-Hinas make a wrong turn into the Another Blade fic while they are on their way to their own fic.
Chapter 20 - the girls go to the hot springs to help Motoko somehow. Kitsune and Shinobu are reluctant to let Tomoko and Tsuruko come in as well because they were responsible for making Motoko be Keitaro's servant. Tomoko and Tsuruko give some reason that kind of helps them get in. While in the hot springs, a discussion between the girls about the current situation. They probably discuss what they would do in Keitaro's place and also if they were in Motoko's place. Tomoko decides to try her best at getting Keitaro like her again, since he kind of dislikes both her and Tsuruko for their actions towards Motoko.
chapter 21 - Keitaro does his best to tell Motoko that he won't abuse his position. In face he tries to tell her that if anything, Things will go on as they did before. Motoko overreacts in various ways before running and hiding in her room
chapter 22 - Naru returns. She gets pissed off at Keitaro when she learns of what happened. When she learns that it was Tomoko's and Tsuruko's actions that were mostly responsible, Naru tries to make them and Keitaro feel guilty about what they done. Keitaro, possibly because he's a bit worn out at recent events, asks Naru to calm down. When Naru starts to swing at Keitaro, Motoko looks over at Tsuruko and does not like the look in Tsuruko's eyes. Motoko quickly stops Naru's punch.
(I thank you, PCHeintz72 for your help with the planning of 20, 21, 22)
Chapter 23 - Naru is mystified at what Motoko did. Motoko explains that she is bound to serve Keitaro for a year, and she needs him to live for that. Naru stops away to her room and Kitsune follows after her.Kitsune then tells Naru what she learned from spying on Su. Dunno how Naru should act. Perhaps then some bit where Keitaro trips and lands on Tsuruko. Keitaro fully expects Tsuruko to act like how Motoko usually does, but she doesn't. Tsuruko doesn't even blame Keitaro, she instead blames the Inn's spirit or power and claims that it is doing a poor job at pairing up people if it continues to make one person look like a clumsy pervert.
Chapter 24 - Seta tries to explain to Keitaro that he is intruding on the Aoyama's honor by saying nothing will change. Keitaro points out that Tomoko, Tsuruko, and Motoko had gotten him involved with their family politics without his permission and that they didn't even bother getting his approval in advance but merely telling him what would occur. Therefore, he has a right to decide how the situation will go on at the Hinata. Seta agrees a bit and apologizes for not taking in Keitaro's POV. He then asks what Keitaro will with Motoko, Keitaro thinks about it for a little bit, but then states that at the moment, he figures everything will go on like normal, but he'd use the situation to prevent her from attacking him. Seto asks what if the Aoyama elders find a problem with that. Keitaro replies that because Motoko was made into his servant without his consent, he has a right to determine what he does with her.
Naru speaks with Mutsumi to pass the time or to calm down, and gets a cold shiver down her spine when Mutsumi reminds her about the warning that Naru should have decided her feelings. Naru says she needs more time. Mutsumi sighs and then says Naru had enough time to decide. Naru asks what is the punishment. Mutsumi says that she will not hold back and will go after Keitaro. Naru acts like Mutsumi betrayed her, but Mutsumi tells her that everyone had been holding back their feelings for Keitaro because they cared for Naru. She then says she is starting to think that Naru enjoyed the attention and also being in first place for Keitaro's heart when everyone was holding back and rooting for her. Naru yells for Mutsumi to leave her room. Mutsumi does so, but says that maybe Tomoko coming to the Hinata was a good thing, since it made her realize what Naru had been doing.
Motoko thinks about what Keitaro might do with her. Due to FFN's policies and the fact that readers probably have dirtier imaginations than I do, I think I'll merely stick with her reactions and let the reader decide what she is imagining.
chapter 21 - Keitaro does his best to tell Motoko that he won't abuse his position. In face he tries to tell her that if anything, Things will go on as they did before. Motoko overreacts in various ways before running and hiding in her room
chapter 22 - Naru returns. She gets pissed off at Keitaro when she learns of what happened. When she learns that it was Tomoko's and Tsuruko's actions that were mostly responsible, Naru tries to make them and Keitaro feel guilty about what they done. Keitaro, possibly because he's a bit worn out at recent events, asks Naru to calm down. When Naru starts to swing at Keitaro, Motoko looks over at Tsuruko and does not like the look in Tsuruko's eyes. Motoko quickly stops Naru's punch.
(I thank you, PCHeintz72 for your help with the planning of 20, 21, 22)
Chapter 23 - Naru is mystified at what Motoko did. Motoko explains that she is bound to serve Keitaro for a year, and she needs him to live for that. Naru stops away to her room and Kitsune follows after her.Kitsune then tells Naru what she learned from spying on Su. Dunno how Naru should act. Perhaps then some bit where Keitaro trips and lands on Tsuruko. Keitaro fully expects Tsuruko to act like how Motoko usually does, but she doesn't. Tsuruko doesn't even blame Keitaro, she instead blames the Inn's spirit or power and claims that it is doing a poor job at pairing up people if it continues to make one person look like a clumsy pervert.
Chapter 24 - Seta tries to explain to Keitaro that he is intruding on the Aoyama's honor by saying nothing will change. Keitaro points out that Tomoko, Tsuruko, and Motoko had gotten him involved with their family politics without his permission and that they didn't even bother getting his approval in advance but merely telling him what would occur. Therefore, he has a right to decide how the situation will go on at the Hinata. Seta agrees a bit and apologizes for not taking in Keitaro's POV. He then asks what Keitaro will with Motoko, Keitaro thinks about it for a little bit, but then states that at the moment, he figures everything will go on like normal, but he'd use the situation to prevent her from attacking him. Seto asks what if the Aoyama elders find a problem with that. Keitaro replies that because Motoko was made into his servant without his consent, he has a right to determine what he does with her.
Naru speaks with Mutsumi to pass the time or to calm down, and gets a cold shiver down her spine when Mutsumi reminds her about the warning that Naru should have decided her feelings. Naru says she needs more time. Mutsumi sighs and then says Naru had enough time to decide. Naru asks what is the punishment. Mutsumi says that she will not hold back and will go after Keitaro. Naru acts like Mutsumi betrayed her, but Mutsumi tells her that everyone had been holding back their feelings for Keitaro because they cared for Naru. She then says she is starting to think that Naru enjoyed the attention and also being in first place for Keitaro's heart when everyone was holding back and rooting for her. Naru yells for Mutsumi to leave her room. Mutsumi does so, but says that maybe Tomoko coming to the Hinata was a good thing, since it made her realize what Naru had been doing.
Motoko thinks about what Keitaro might do with her. Due to FFN's policies and the fact that readers probably have dirtier imaginations than I do, I think I'll merely stick with her reactions and let the reader decide what she is imagining.
Also, what should my next Omake or Oneshot be?
A.) A oneshot based on the idea that Antimatter had,
B.) an omake where the fight between Tomoko and Motoko somehow winds up with them making out with each other?
C.) Because my memory of Doctor Who and the characterizations of the Time Lord is extremely hazy, I find someone who'd be willing to write the Doctor's dialogue in an omake where he stops Tomoko from going back into the past, but Su distracts him with jelly babies long enough for Tomoko to go back into the past.
D.) A brief foreshadowing of the PuchiHina fic where the Chibi-Hinas make a wrong turn into the Another Blade fic while they are on their way to their own fic.
As an idea... you could do something that a old Ranma story called 'Possibilities' tried to do but was abandoned after a couple chapters.
The concept was differing futures each had a Ranma whom got together with a different girl, and from each one the children came back to insure he hooked up with the respective mothers.
After the setup, each chapter centered on how he cooked up with one girl. Where it got dicey is where some of the kids decided to stack the deck and secretly attack the other kids parents... preventing their being born.
In this case, using the premise of a surviving Keitaro, kids from Motoko, Tomoko, Naru, Kitsune, etc... each get a chapter in the omakes to explain how the respective parents got together.
The concept was differing futures each had a Ranma whom got together with a different girl, and from each one the children came back to insure he hooked up with the respective mothers.
After the setup, each chapter centered on how he cooked up with one girl. Where it got dicey is where some of the kids decided to stack the deck and secretly attack the other kids parents... preventing their being born.
In this case, using the premise of a surviving Keitaro, kids from Motoko, Tomoko, Naru, Kitsune, etc... each get a chapter in the omakes to explain how the respective parents got together.
And I recall that there was a Love hina fic that had a similar idea, except it didn't hide the fact that it borrowed a lot of elements from a very ecchi Manga called 'Yomeiro Choice'. Seriously, that manga seemed to border on hentai at times. Then again, the artist did do quite a few Hentai, but none that was my cup of tea.
If I recall correctly about the Love hina fic, Shinobu's kid was hinted at being the evilest out of all the future kids and that she was good friends with her timeline's version of Su.
Not sure if it's a shame or not that I can't find the fic at the moment. Then again, I suspect that the fic was also abandoned as well.
But doing little omakes with a brief story for each kid and how Keitaro hooked up to their mother does sound like a fun lark.
So with your suggestion, PCHeintz72 , is it each a separate Omake for each kid with no connection to the others, or is it a bunch of connected omakes where each kid shows up just after the previous one finishes their tale of how Keitaro chose their mother?
If I recall correctly about the Love hina fic, Shinobu's kid was hinted at being the evilest out of all the future kids and that she was good friends with her timeline's version of Su.
Not sure if it's a shame or not that I can't find the fic at the moment. Then again, I suspect that the fic was also abandoned as well.
But doing little omakes with a brief story for each kid and how Keitaro hooked up to their mother does sound like a fun lark.
So with your suggestion, PCHeintz72 , is it each a separate Omake for each kid with no connection to the others, or is it a bunch of connected omakes where each kid shows up just after the previous one finishes their tale of how Keitaro chose their mother?
Probably might be better as an Omake or something.
If anything, since Tomoko is Alt-Future!Motoko, I'd say she'd start up being all weepy and sobbing (because she lost HER Kei), then as she notices Motoko make drunk googly eyes at said Manager, she'd either coach her younger self or demonstrate how one should "take the bull by the horns"... only to actually like the reactions she's getting from Kei and start to honestly get even more flirty/snuggly with him, while defending him when the Pervert Bashing brigade tries to pull him away from her cleavage
If anything, since Tomoko is Alt-Future!Motoko, I'd say she'd start up being all weepy and sobbing (because she lost HER Kei), then as she notices Motoko make drunk googly eyes at said Manager, she'd either coach her younger self or demonstrate how one should "take the bull by the horns"... only to actually like the reactions she's getting from Kei and start to honestly get even more flirty/snuggly with him, while defending him when the Pervert Bashing brigade tries to pull him away from her cleavage