Akamatsuverse Another blade in a second

[chronodekar]

I'm just quoting the story snippets and leaving my comments in red color.

Spoiler

-oOoOoOoOo-

“I'm Keitaro Urashima, the Manager and landlord of the Hinata. Motoko will be happy to know/hear that another one of her relatives has come,” Keitaro said, moving out of the way for Tsuruko to enter.

That 'M' need not be capital here.

As she walked in, a puzzled expression briefly appeared on Tsuruko's face.

“Who are you referring to, Mr. Urashima?” Tsuruko asked.

“Tomoko Aoyama. She came a day or two ago,” Keitaro answered as he led Tsuruko to the dining room. “Good thing Shinobu made extra helpings tonight.”

A bit more humble this way

A slight twitch of a frown crossed Tsuruko's face.

“I apologize for intruding. Had I know you were eating around now, I would have come by another time,” Tsuruko replied.

“It's alright. Motoko's been in a bit of a bad mood. Maybe seeing you will cheer her up?” Keitaro said, as he led Tsuruko into the dining room.

'Assuming she doesn't panic at the very sight of me....' thought Tsuruko .

Shinobu, Motoko, and Tomoko entered at that moment. The latter two were deep in thought. Tomoko seemed a bit angry, while Motoko appeared a bit depressed.

“Motoko, you have a guest,” said Keitaro as he noticed the kendoist.

All but two were curious as they looked at Tsuruko. Motoko's face paled, while Tomoko sighed with some resignation. Tsuruko stared at the two as she was guided to a seat by Keitaro. Shinobu, Motoko, and Tomoko sat down as well.

Can't quite tell why, but I don't like this sentence

“Tomoko, I presume?” Tsuruko asked the unfamiliar face, who nodded in reply, “We'll need to talk later, after I speak with Motoko.”

“Who are you?” Naru asked.

“I am Motoko's older sister, Tsuruko Aoyama,” Tsuruko answered.

“Actually, if no one minds, I'd like for myself and Tsuruko to leave for a bit to chat privately,” Tomoko said.

“Fine with me!” Naru and Kitsune replied quickly.

“If it's important, I say let them,” Mutsumi said with a smile.

I forgot. What's she doing here? :unsure!:

“Sister?” Tsuruko asked.

“I think-” Motoko said, before getting interrupted by Kitsune tapping her under the table with her foot. Motoko looked at the gambler for a few moments before she realized what Kitsune was doing.

It had been a long time since anyone in the Hinata had communicated in some made-up communication that Su either created or brought from Molmol, but Kitsune was tapping out, 'Got plan solve everything let her go.'

Is this canon or fanon? I don't remember a thing about the whole Molmol incident.

Motoko thought for a few more seconds.

'I want to tell Sister that Tomoko is going to tell her information that is out of proportion, but whatever Tomoko might tell her about me is backed up by Su's computers. I don't want to, but perhaps following whatever plan Kitsune has might be better...' worried Motoko in her head.

“Sister? Is everything alright?” Tsuruko asked with only a small touch of concern in her voice when Motoko was looking down at the floor.

“Yes, I'm fine. You two can.... go...” Motoko replied uneasily.

“It if bothers you this much-” Tsuruko replied, before Motoko fixed her with a glare.

“I said you two can go!” Motoko reasserted loudly.

“Anyone else?” Tsuruko asked, as she glanced at Tomoko with a nearly undetectable frown and thought, 'I get the feeling she had done something to bother my little sister...'.

Shinobu and Su shrugged, while Keitaro said in a concerned tone, “Just hurry back.”

“We will,” Tomoko and Tsuruko said at the same time before they left the room.

Keitaro and the rest at the table watched them leave the room. When Keitaro turned around to start eating, he quickly noticed that Naru and Mutsumi were staring at him with a pleading look. Kitsune was also starting at Keitaro, but had an unreadable expression.

“Keitaro.... We need to talk....” Naru muttered.

“Yes, Kei-chan.... It concerns the peace of the Hinata and Tomoko...” Mutsumi said.

“She hasn't caused any problems as far as I know,” Keitaro said.

“She made Naru feel bad,” Mutsumi replied. To her surprise, Keitaro's eyes gained a slight glint of determination.

“She was threatening me in a store when I hadn't done anything. Tomoko asked her a few questions,” Keitaro said.

“Hey! We made a mistake letting you go off with Su and Shinobu, you pervert!” Naru quickly replied. She looked at the two younger girls and asked, “Don't you believe it was wrong of us to leave you with him?”

Considering recent events, I find it a bit odd that Naru's behavior hasn't changed. Then again, I'm not in a good frame of mind to be commenting on such things...

“N-no...” Shinobu muttered, not liking being stared at when Naru is starting to get angry.

There is SOMETHING wrong with the grammar here.

“Heh. It's more like the other way around!” Su replied with a slight giggle.

“Dammit.... he's gotten you to believe a pack of lies....” Naru muttered to herself.

“Naru, not helping with our case...” Kitsune said, as she grabbed one of Naru's shoulders to get her attention. Naru tried to calm down a little.

“When I went to talk to Tomoko earlier, she felt.... Wrong,” Mutsumi said.

“Wrong? How?” Keitaro asked, tilting his head a little in a bit of confusion.

“It's hard to explain, but it was kind of like a purple block in a group of red blocks,” Mutsumi tried to explain.

“That still isn't a good reason to get rid of Tomoko. Maybe ask her to behave herself...” Keitaro muttered.

Naru gestured to Motoko.

“I bet Tomoko said or did something to make Motoko feel bad!” Naru loudly said.

“Motoko, did she?” Mutsumi asked, placing a hand on Motoko's shoulders.

'Tell them what Tomoko did and get her out of the Hinata.... and then Tomoko goes to the Aoyama compound and tells them how I besmirched my honor. Let her stay and I might find a way to get Tomoko to keep silent. But Tomoko has gone off with Tsuruko and Kitsune's plan has proven pointless...' Motoko thought. “Whatever she may have done, it is an Aoyama matter. It does not concern any of you.”

“Ah well.... Guess Tomoko is gonna try to get our Motoko to go back home with whatever she's told your older sister...” Kitsune replied.

“I said it does not concern any of you,” Motoko growled at Kitsune.

“I'm just trying to help you,” Kitsune said, frowning at Motoko.

“And I said-” Motoko replied, before she was interrupted.

“Everyone, just stop!” Keitaro said, getting everyone's attention. “Motoko, what's your thoughts about if Tomoko should stay or leave?”

After a moment, Motoko answered. “As long as she doesn't break the rules, let her stay.”

'And that will allow me to find something to keep her quiet about certain things,' Motoko thought.

“I also vote to let her stay,” Su said in an oddly serious tone, surprising everyone a little bit.

“This wasn't a vote,” Keitaro said, before anyone else could put in their two cents.

next bit,

Spoiler

-oOoOoOo-

Tomoko and Tsuruko stood in front of the Hinata.

“Shall we speak here?” Tsuruko asked.

“No. Anywhere on the Hinata grounds will have eavesdroppers sooner or later,” Tomoko answered. With a smirk, she said, “Follow me, if you can.” before quickly darting off.

“More childish then I remember Tomoko ever being....” Tsuruko muttered, before starting to chase after Tomoko.

When Tomoko reached the ends of the Hinata grounds and had neared an alley between two buildings, Tsuruko thought that would be where they would speak.

Instead, she was surprised when Tomoko leapt on one wall and then leapt onto the other, before leaping back onto the first. She continued to do this until she was on the roof of one of the buildings.

“Need any help, Tsuruko?” Tomoko asked in a slightly playful manner.

'That's definitely not the Tomoko I remember. She was too focused towards duty and had a short temper,' Tsuruko thought as she looked up at Tomoko. “No need, I'll be up in a second or two.”

Tsuruko wall-jumped in a similar manner. Frankly, I'm not sure if this is good grammar either..

“Now, shall we-” Tsuruko asked, before noticing that Tomoko had started running away onto another building.

“Not here! A block or two away!” Tomoko said with a laugh.

'Whoever she is, she is not Tomoko Aoyama...' Tsuruko thought with a frown as she started to chase after Tomoko. Tsuruko kept a hand on the sword at her side.

Less than a minute later when they were a block away from the Hinata, Tomoko finally stopped on a rooftop.

“This is a good spot to chat,” Tomoko said as Tsuruko landed on the roof.

“Perhaps....” Tsuruko said in a flat tone as she walked towards Tomoko and studied her.

“You don't trust me, do you?” Tomoko asked, in a increasingly fake cheerful manner. Feels OOC to me. It would fit Xellos personality a lot better than anyone from the Love Hina cast.

“Tomoko has been away for years on sabbatical. First because she attacked and severely injured someone that wanted to be her firend, then she stayed away because she felt the Shinmei-Ryu was starting to breed hate. I've been working to both decrease their influence and to remove their power over the school,” Tsuruko said.

“One bit of proof of that is Setsuna Sakurazaki's entry into the school,” Tomoko said.

Tsuruko then prepared to pull out her sword to strike at Tomoko and asked, “How do you know that?”

“I could answer that in two ways - option-A, I either lower my defenses and allow you to see if I am lying OR, option-B we can duel and you can judge from my body's language if I am telling the truth,” Tomoko asked.

“And what if you've deluded yourself into thinking whatever you say is the truth?” challenged Tsuruko.

“I take it you want to try the second method?” Tomoko asked back as she brought a pair of Bokken out of nowhere and tossed one towards the other female, who caught it.

“Partially out of a sense that I want to punish you for doing something to Motoko,” Tsuruko answered, deciding to let Tomoko make the first move.

“I only brought up some of her dishonorable actions towards Mr. Urashima,” Tomoko replied, as she seemed to be doing the same as Tsuruko.

“Enlighten me,” Tsuruko asked. She was a bit surprised when Tomoko grew a bit angry.

“Repeated attacks towards Mr. Urashima's person, simply because Motoko was unwilling to listen to any excuse other than Mr. Urashima being a pervert,” Tomoko spat.

“You seem quite angry at that.... More than you should be...” Tsuruko muttered. She grew a bit curious when Tomoko, instead of growing annoyed or angry at her, merely chuckled a tiny bit before coming in with an overhead strike.

“It is as you might think,” Tomoko replied, as Tsuruko easily blocked the attack. Tomoko then stopped the strike and took a step back before repeatedly trying to attack Tsuruko's sides. “I am not Tomoko, but I am an Aoyama.”

“Who then?” Tsuruko asked, as she was starting to have a bit of difficulty blocking Tomoko's strikes as Tomoko kept increasing in speed.

“Even if I told you, you would not believe it,” Tomoko said, as Tsuruko leapt back and then attacked with a very weak stone-cutting wave, one that had the force of a nasty shove, but couldn't break anything. “Had I arrived a few years later, after Setsuna told of of something that will happen to her when she goes to Mahora academy, you might believe me.”

“What makes you think she'll go to that place?” Tsuruko asked, as she watched Tomoko dodge the attack by leaping off to the side and then Tomoko returned her own version. Tsuruko dodged it by jumping up in the air.

“She does because her friend Konoka Konoe will go there. Even if you forbid her, she'll still go,” Tomoko answered, as she dashed towards Tsuruko as the latter landed. Tomoko tried to attack with a simple strike from the side, but Tsuruko blocked it.

“I believe I've seen enough. Tell me who you really are,” Tsruko ordered. Tomoko then stopped trying to attack and put her bokken at her side.

“Very well. I had hoped I would have had more time, but the way I came here wasn't very precise and it was only one way,” Tomoko said, as she walked away from Tsuruko to look at the Hinata. Tsuruko felt Tomoko lower down her own spiritual defenses, making any ki attack against Tomoko have a high chance of being a fatal one. After a few moments, she faced Tsuruko with a sad smile and said seven words.

Tsuruko then tapped the side of her head in some odd way of cleaning out her ears and said, “Could you repeat that? I thought you said something insane.”

Tomoko then repeated, “I am Motoko Aoyama from the future.”

After a few more moments, Tsuruko angrily asked, “Do you know how insane that sounds to me, how much of a lie that sounds?”

“I admit, it does sound like an insane lie, but in the original timeline, You came here to bring me back to the Shinmei-Ryu, I then panicked and claimed that Mr. Urashima was my fiance. That lie was more believable, however,” Tomoko answered.

“That does sound like something that Motoko would do, but I do not believe that you are her from the future,” Tsuruko replied.

“I lowered down my defenses. If I am lying, then even a novice would be able to detect if anything I say is a falsehood,” Tomoko said.

A minute or two passed as Tsuruko studied Tomoko.

“Let's say I believe you. Why did you come back to this time?” Tsuruko asked.

“Actually, I tried to come back to an earlier time, when Mr. Urashima first came to the Hinata. I came here roughly about two months ago. I wish had had come back earlier, to avoid a big mistake that I had made, But Su's time portal machine isn't very accurate,” Tomoko answered with some anger in her voice.

“And what might that be?” Tsuruko asked, as her anger started to fade a bit when she didn't see any signs of lying. She still was wary of Tomoko.

“My past self joined the other girls in prosecuting Mr. Urashima when we all thought that he slept with Ms. Otohime. We were wrong. She sleepwalked and fell into his room,” Tomoko said, as long buried guilt appeared on her face.

“So why didn't you come earlier, when you had the chance?” Tsuruko asked.

“I needed to build up some money, in case I decided to talk Mr. Urashima into leaving the Hinata with me or to gain his trust if a situation arose where he needed a lot of money fast,” Tomoko answered.

A few moments passed.

“If you really are Motoko's future self-”Tsuruko said, before Tomoko raised her hand to silence her.

“Future self from a no longer viable timeline. In my timeline, no one named Tomoko Aoyama ever appeared,” Tomoko said. Tsuruko grew a bit angry when she heard that.

“As I was saying, If you are Motoko's future self, then tell me something that she and I only know,” Tsuruko ordered.

Tomoko's sad smile gained a wicked gleam as she pulled out a folded sheet of paper and tossed it at Tsuruko. Tsuruko grabbed it and opened it up to read it. Tomoko grinned as Tsuruko's faced turned red from embarrassment.

“Is that proof enough?” Tomoko asked as she watched Tsuruko tear the sheet to shreds before tossing the shreds into the air to burn them with the Thunderclap Sword technique.

“Since Motoko would never reveal that to anyone, I'll believe who you claim to be,” Tsuruko replied before fixing Tomoko with a glare. “But if you are my sister and are from the future, you are extremely selfish.”

“Selfish? You don't even know why I came in the first place!” Tomoko loudly said back.

“Then enlighten me, since you didn't tell me why when I asked,” Tsuruko said.

“I came back in time to prevent Urashima's death!” Tomoko yelled.

“Does your timeline still exist or has it been over written?” Tsuruko asked, crossing her arms. Tomoko thought about it for a second or two.

“Since I still exist, I assume it exists, but I cannot return to it,” Tomoko answered.

“Then since you cannot return and you stated that the accuracy of the time portal machine isn't very accurate, then everyone you left will be mourning two people instead of one,” Tsuruko replied.

“They.... They will not be mourning me, only Urashima!” Tomoko loudly declared.

“How will they know you've gotten to this time period? Can you communicate with them?” Tsuruko asked.

“No...” Tomoko growled.

“Then they might as well be mourning you. They have no idea you might still be alive,” Tsuruko said.

“You know nothing! If Person A does not contact Person B, should Person B assume that Person A is dead?” Tomoko yelled.

“But as you said, The Timeline you came from is not this timeline's future. If they send anyone else back, they will go to a different timeline, one that you are not in,” Tsuruko explained. “As far as they know, you are possibly alive, but they have no way of making sure.”

Tomoko felt a cold chill go down her spine as her anger vanished.

“Surely you must have realized this during the two months you spent getting money for emergencies...” Tsuruko said, as she uncrossed her arms and began walking around Tomoko.

“I... I didn't....” Tomoko quietly muttered.

Tsuruko sighed. The desperation on Tomoko's face and the fact that Tomoko's aura was giving signs that she was honest, finally let Tsuruko know that Tomoko was Motoko from the future.

“On one hand, it is heartening to know that you made a choice and followed though with it. On the other hand, I am disappointed that you didn't consider the effects of your choice and how it would effect others,” Tsuruko said, hugging Tomoko from behind.

“...Thanks, I guess....” Tomoko whispered.

“So how did he die?” Tsuruko asked. Tomoko looked at the ground.

“We all thought he was immortal, that he could take any attack without lasting harm. He volunteered to help with the Shinmei-Ryu by being an assistant whenever he could. He helped Su with her inventions. We all should have know that no one can take that abuse for a long time without repercussions...” Tomoko quietly explained as shame, anger, and sorrow showed on her face. She then spat with hate in her voice, “Especially Narusagawa....”

“What did she do to gain such hate from you?” Tsuruko asked, as she let Tomoko go.

“She married him. Any time she felt he stared too long at someone, she hit him. Any time she felt under-appreciated, she hit him. Any time she felt that he was making her look bad by treating her to anything, she hit him. The rest of us should have know his warm smile was turning fake and hollow. Eventually, She hit him because she wasn't sure if she wanted kids or not and all he said was that he would support her in any decision that she made about it. The years of getting hit by everyone sapped his will to live and that hit... wound up... killing him,” Tomoko said, as she started crying near the end.

Tsuruko hugged her again. Tomoko quickly turned around and hugged Tsuruko back.

“I understand. If anyone could turn back the clock to save a loved one, not many would pass up the offer...” Tsuruko muttered, as she waited for Tomoko to finish crying and calm down.

Don't have anything to comment on the latest snippet, so I guess that's it for now. For that matter, I might have missed something too.

-chronodekar

 

[HotelKatz]

Thanks for the help, everyone. I'll post the corrected chapter up later today.

 

[HotelKatz]

I'll put this up at FFn on Saturday if it is approved.

Now to reply to some of your comments chronodekar.

Mutsumi is there to prove Naru support and backup with talking to Keitaro.

The Su communication thing was fanon. Since I now realize that sounded kinda dumb, I have changed that spot to using Morse code.

I tried to change the spots where the grammar was off to a better one.

The list of people to thank for this chapter is EagleCeres and chronodekar

-oOoOoOoOo-

Spoiler

“I'm Keitaro Urashima, the manager and landlord of the Hinata. Motoko will be happy to hear that another one of her relatives has come,” Keitaro said, moving out of the way for Tsuruko to enter.

As she walked in, a puzzled expression briefly appeared on Tsuruko's face.

“Who are you referring to, Mr. Urashima?” Tsuruko asked.

“Tomoko Aoyama. She came a day or two ago,” Keitaro answered as he led Tsuruko to the dining room. “”Good thing Shinobu made extra helpings tonight.”

A slight twitch of a frown crossed Tsuruko's face.

“I apologize for intruding. Had I know you were eating around now, I would have come by another time,” Tsuruko replied.

“It's alright. Motoko's been in a bit of a bad mood. Maybe seeing you will cheer her up?” Keitaro said , as he led Tsuruko into the dining room.

'Assuming she doesn't panic at the very sight of me....' thought Tsuruko.

Shinobu, Motoko, and Tomoko entered at that moment. Tomoko and Motoko were deep in thought. Tomoko seemed a bit angry, while Motoko seemed a bit depressed.

“Motoko, you have a guest,” said Keitaro when he noticed the Kendoist.

Everyone was curious as they looked at Tsuruko. Motoko's face paled, while Tomoko sighed with some resignation. Tsuruko stared at the two as she was guided to a seat by Keitaro. Shinobu, Motoko, and Tomoko sat down as well.

“Tomoko, I presume?” Tsuruko asked the unfamiliar face, who nodded in reply, “We'll need to talk later, after I speak with Motoko.”

“Who are you?” Naru asked.

“I am Motoko's older sister, Tsuruko Aoyama,” Tsuruko answered.

“Actually, if no one minds, I'd like for myself and Tsuruko to leave for a bit to chat privately,” Tomoko said.

“Fine with me!” Naru and Kitsune replied quickly.

“If it's important, I say let them,” Mutsumi said with a smile. She was glad that she decided to come to dinner at the Hinata to provide Naru with support

“Sister?” Tsuruko asked.

“I think-” Motoko said, before getting interrupted by Kitsune tapping her under the table with her foot Motoko looked at the gambler for a few moments before she realized what Kitsune was doing.

It had been a long time since anyone in the Hinata had communicated in morse code, but Kitsune was tapping out, 'Got plan solve everything let her go.'

Motoko thought for a few more seconds.

'I want to tell Sister that Tomoko is going to tell her information that is out of proportion, but whatever Tomoko might tell her about me is backed up by Su's computers. I don't want to, but perhaps following whatever plan Kitsune has might be better...' worried Motoko in her head .

“Sister? Is everything alright?” Tsuruko asked with only a small touch of concern in her voice when Motoko was looking down at the floor.

“Yes, I'm fine. You two can.... go...” Motoko replied uneasily.

“It if bothers you this much-” Tsuruko replied, before Motoko fixed her with a glare.

“I said you two can go!” Motoko reasserted loudly.

“Anyone else?” Tsuruko asked, as she glanced at Tomoko with a nearly undetectable frown and thought, 'I get the feeling she had done something to bother my little sister...'.

Shinobu and Su shrugged, while Keitaro said in a concerned tone, “Just hurry back.”

“We will,” Tomoko and Tsuruko said at the same time before they left the room.

Keitaro and the rest at the table watched them leave the room. When Keitaro turned around to start eating, he quickly noticed that Naru and Mutsumi were staring at him with a pleading look. Kitsune was also starting at Keitaro, but had an unreadable expression.

“Keitaro.... We need to talk....” Naru muttered.

“Yes, Kei-chan.... It concerns the peace of the Hinata and Tomoko...” Mutsumi said.

“She hasn't caused any problems as far as I know,” Keitaro said.

“She made Naru feel bad,” Mutsumi replied. To her surprise, Keitaro's eyes gained a slight glint of determination.

“She was threatening me in a store when I hadn't done anything. Tomoko asked her a few questions,” Keitaro said.

“Hey! We made a mistake letting you go off with Su and Shinobu, you pervert!” Naru quickly replied. She looked at the two younger girls and asked, “Don't you believe it was wrong of us to leave you with him?”

“N-no...” Shinobu muttered, not liking being the center of attention at when Naru was starting to get angry.

“Heh. It's more like the other way around!” Su replied with a slight giggle.

“Dammit.... he's gotten you to believe a pack of lies....” Naru muttered to herself.

“Naru, not helping with our case...” Kitsune said, as she grabbed one of Naru's shoulders to get her attention. Naru tried to calm down a little.

“When I went to talk to Tomoko earlier, she felt.... Wrong,” Mutsumi said.

“Wrong? How?” Keitaro asked, tilting his head a little in a bit of confusion.

“It's hard to explain, but it was kind of like a purple block in a group of red blocks,” Mutsumi tried to explain.

“That still isn't a good reason to get rid of Tomoko. Maybe ask her to behave herself...” Keitaro muttered.

Naru gestured to Motoko.

“I bet Tomoko said or did something to make Motoko feel bad!” Naru loudly said.

“Motoko, did she?” Mutsumi asked, placing a hand on Motoko's shoulders.

'Tell them what Tomoko did and get her out of the Hinata.... and then Tomoko goes to the Aoyama compound and tells them how I besmirched my honor. Let her stay and I might find a way to get Tomoko to keep silent. But Tomoko has gone off with Tsuruko and Kitsune's plan has proven pointless...' Motoko thought. “Whatever she may have done, it is an Aoyama matter. It does not concern any of you.”

“Ah well.... Guess Tomoko is gonna try to get our Motoko to go back home with whatever she's told your older sister...” Kitsune replied.

“I said it does not concern any of you,” Motoko growled at Kitsune.

“I'm just trying to help you,” Kitsune said, frowning at Motoko.

“And I said-” Motoko replied, before she was interrupted.

“Everyone, just stop!” Keitaro said, getting everyone's attention. “Motoko, what's your thoughts about if Tomoko should stay or leave?”

After a moment, Motoko answered. “As long as she doesn't break the rules, let her stay.”

'And that will allow me to find something to keep her quiet about certain things,' Motoko thought.

“I also vote to let her stay,” Su said in an oddly serious tone, surprising everyone a little bit.

“This wasn't a vote,” Keitaro said, before anyone else could put in their two cents.

-oOo-

Tomoko and Tsuruko stood in front of the Hinata.

“Shall we speak here?” Tsuruko asked.

“No. Anywhere on the Hinata grounds will have eavesdroppers sooner or later,” Tomoko answered. With a smirk, she said, “Follow me, if you can.” before quickly darting off.

“More childish then I remember Tomoko ever being....” Tsuruko muttered, before starting to chase after Tomoko.

When Tomoko reached the ends of the Hinata grounds and had neared an alley between two buildings, Tsuruko thought that would be where they would speak.

Instead, she was surprised when Tomoko leapt on one wall and then leapt onto the other, before leaping back onto the first. She continued to do this until she was on the roof of one of the buildings.

“Need any help, Tsuruko?” Tomoko asked in a slightly playful manner.

'That's definitely not the Tomoko I remember. The Tomoko I remember was too focused towards duty and had a short temper,' Tsuruko thought as she looked up at Tomoko. “No need. I'll be up in a second or two.”

Tsuruko walljumped in a similar manner.

“Now, shall we-” Tsuruko asked, before noticing that Tomoko had started running away onto another building.

“Not here! A block or two away!” Tomoko said with a laugh.

'Whoever she is, she is not Tomoko Aoyama...' Tsuruko thought with a frown as she started to chase after Tomoko. Tsuruko kept a hand on the sword at her side.

Less than a minute later when they were a block away from the Hinata, Tomoko finally stopped on a rooftop.

“This is a good spot to chat,” Tomoko said as Tsuruko landed on the roof.

“Perhaps....” Tsuruko said in a flat tone as she walked towards Tomoko and studied her.

“You don't trust me, do you?” Tomoko asked an odd cheerful manner, like she knew the answer to her question.

“Tomoko has been away for years on sabbatical. First because she attacked and severely injured someone that wanted to be her friend, then she stayed away because she felt the Shinmei-Ryu was starting to breed hate. I've been working to both decrease their influence and to remove their power over the school,” Tsuruko said.

“One bit of proof of that is Setsuna Sakurazaki's entry into the school,” Tomoko said.

Tsuruko then prepared to pull out her sword to strike at Tomoko and asked, “How do you know that?”

“I could answer that in two ways - option-A, I either lower my defenses and allow you to see if I am lying OR, option-B we can duel and you can judge from my body's language if I am telling the truth,” Tomoko asked.

“And what if you've deluded yourself into thinking whatever you say is the truth?” challenged Tsuruko.

“I take it you want to try the second method?” Tomoko asked back as she brought a pair of Bokken out of nowhere and tossed one towards the other female, who caught it.

“Partially out of a sense that I want to punish you for doing something to Motoko,” Tsuruko answered, deciding to let Tomoko make the first move.

“I only brought up some of her dishonorable actions towards Mr. Urashima,” Tomoko replied, as she seemed to be doing the same as Tsuruko.

“Enlighten me,” Tsuruko asked. She was a bit surprised when Tomoko grew a bit angry.

“Repeated attacks towards Mr. Urashima's person, simply because Motoko was unwilling to listen to any excuse other than Mr. Urashima being a pervert,” Tomoko spat.

“You seem quite angry at that.... More than you should be...” Tsuruko muttered. She grew a bit curious when Tomoko, instead of growing annoyed or angry at her, merely chuckled a tiny bit before Tomoko coming in with an overhead strike.

“It is as you might think,” Tomoko replied, as Tsuruko easily blocked the attack. Tomoko then stopped the strike and took a step back before repeatedly trying to attack Tsuruko's sides. “I am not Tomoko, but I am an Aoyama.”

“Who then?” Tsuruko asked, as she was starting to have a bit of difficulty blocking Tomoko's strikes as Tomoko kept increasing in speed.

“Even if I told you, you would not believe it,” Tomoko said, as Tsuruko leapt back and then attacked with a very weak stone-cutting wave, one that had the force of a nasty shove, but couldn't break anything. “Had I arrived a few years later, after Setsuna told of of something that will happen to her when she goes to Mahora academy, you might believe me.”

“What makes you think she'll go to that place?” Tsuruko asked, as she watched Tomoko dodge the attack by leaping off to the side and then Tomoko returned her own version. Tsuruko dodged it by jumping up in the air.

“She does because her friend Konoka Konoe will go there. Even if you forbid her, she'll still go,” Tomoko answered, as she dashed towards Tsuruko as the latter landed. Tomoko tried to attack with a simple strike from the side, but Tsuruko blocked it.

“I believe I've seen enough. Tell me who you really are,” Tsruko ordered. Tomoko then stopped trying to attack and put her bokken at her side.

“Very well. I had hoped I would have had more time, but the way I came here wasn't very precise and it was only one way,” Tomoko said, as she walked away from Tsuruko to look at the Hinata. Tsuruko felt Tomoko lower down her own spiritual defenses, making any ki attack against Tomoko have a high chance of being a fatal one. After a few moments, she faced Tsuruko with a sad smile and said seven words.

Tsuruko then tapped the side of her head in some odd way of cleaning out her ears and said, “Could you repeat that? I thought you said something insane.”

Tomoko then repeated, “I am Motoko Aoyama from the future.”

After a few more moments, Tsuruko angrily asked, “Do you know how insane that sounds to me, how much of a lie that sounds?”

“I admit, it does sound like an insane lie, but in the original timeline, You came here to bring me back to the Shinmei-Ryu, I then panicked and claimed that Mr. Urashima was my fiance. That lie was more believable, however,” Tomoko answered.

“That does sound like something that Motoko would do, but I do not believe that you are her from the future,” Tsuruko replied.

“I lowered down my defenses. If I am lying, then even a novice would be able to detect if anything I say is a falsehood,” Tomoko said.

A minute or two passed as Tsuruko studied Tomoko.

“Let's say I believe you. Why did you come back to this time?” Tsuruko asked.

“Actually, I tried to come back to an earlier time, when Mr. Urashima first came to the Hinata. I came here roughly about two months ago. I wish had had come back earlier, to avoid a big mistake that I had made, But Su's time portal machine isn't very accurate,” Tomoko answered with some anger in her voice.

“And what might that be?” Tsuruko asked, as her anger started to fade a bit when she didn't see any signs of lying. She still was wary of Tomoko.

“My past self joined the other girls in prosecuting Mr. Urashima when we all thought that he slept with Ms. Otohime. We were wrong. She sleepwalked and fell into his room,” Tomoko said, as long buried guilt appeared on her face.

“So why didn't you come earlier, when you had the chance?” Tsuruko asked.

“I needed to build up some money, in case I decided to talk Mr. Urashima into leaving the Hinata with me or to gain his trust if a situation arose where he needed a lot of money fast,” Tomoko answered.

A few moments passed.

“If you really are Motoko's future self-”Tsuruko said, before Tomoko raised her hand to silence her.

“Future self from a no longer viable timeline. In my timeline, no one named Tomoko Aoyama ever appeared,” Tomoko said. Tsuruko grew a bit angry when she heard that.

“As I was saying, If you are Motoko's future self, then tell me something that she and I only know,” Tsuruko ordered.

Tomoko's sad smile gained a wicked gleam as she pulled out a folded sheet of paper and tossed it at Tsuruko. Tsuruko grabbed it and opened it up to read it. Tomoko grinned as Tsuruko's faced turned red from embarrassment.

“Is that proof enough?” Tomoko asked as she watched Tsuruko tear the sheet to shreds before tossing the shreds into the air to burn them with the Thunderclap Sword technique.

“Since Motoko would never reveal that to anyone, I'll believe who you claim to be,” Tsuruko replied before fixing Tomoko with a glare. “But if you are my sister and are from the future, you are extremely selfish.”

“Selfish? You don't even know why I came in the first place!” Tomoko loudly said back.

“Then enlighten me, since you didn't tell me why when I asked,” Tsuruko said.

“I came back in time to prevent Urashima's death!” Tomoko yelled.

“Does your timeline still exist or has it been over written?” Tsuruko asked, crossing her arms. Tomoko thought about it for a second or two.

“Since I still exist, I assume it exists, but I cannot return to it,” Tomoko answered.

“Then since you cannot return and you stated that the accuracy of the time portal machine isn't very accurate, then everyone you left will be mourning two people instead of one,” Tsuruko replied.

“They.... They will not be mourning me, only Urashima!” Tomoko loudly declared.

“How will they know you've gotten to this time period? Can you communicate with them?” Tsuruko asked.

“No...” Tomoko growled.

“Then they might as well be mourning you. They have no idea you might still be alive,” Tsuruko said.

“You know nothing! If Person A does not contact Person B, should Person B assume that Person A is dead?” Tomoko yelled.

“But as you said, The Timeline you came from is not this timeline's future. If they send anyone else back, they will go to a different timeline, one that you are not in,” Tsuruko explained. “As far as they know, you are possibly alive, but they have no way of making sure.”

Tomoko felt a cold chill go down her spine as her anger vanished.

“Surely you must have realized this during the two months you spent getting money for emergencies...” Tsuruko said, as she uncrossed her arms and began walking around Tomoko.

“I... I didn't....” Tomoko quietly muttered.

Tsuruko sighed. The desperation on Tomoko's face and the fact that Tomoko's aura was giving signs that she was honest, finally let Tsuruko know that Tomoko was Motoko from the future.

“On one hand, it is heartening to know that you made a choice and followed though with it. On the other hand, I am disappointed that you didn't consider the effects of your choice and how it would effect others,” Tsuruko said, hugging Tomoko from behind.

“...Thanks, I guess....” Tomoko whispered.

“So how did he die?” Tsuruko asked. Tomoko looked at the ground.

“We all thought he was immortal, that he could take any attack without lasting harm. He volunteered to help with the Shinmei-Ryu by being an assistant whenever he could. He helped Su with her inventions. We all should have know that no one can take that abuse for a long time without repercussions...” Tomoko quietly explained as shame, anger, and sorrow showed on her face. She then spat with hate in her voice, “Especially Narusagawa....”

“What did she do to gain such hate from you?” Tsuruko asked, as she let Tomoko go.

“She married him. Any time she felt he stared too long at someone, she hit him. Any time she felt under-appreciated, she hit him. Any time she felt that he was making her look bad by treating her to anything, she hit him. The rest of us should have know his warm smile was turning fake and hollow. Eventually, She hit him because she wasn't sure if she wanted kids or not and all he said was that he would support her in any decision that she made about it. The years of getting hit by everyone sapped his will to live and that hit... wound up... killing him,” Tomoko said, as she started crying near the end.

Tsuruko hugged her again. Tomoko quickly turned around and hugged Tsuruko back.

“I understand. If anyone could turn back the clock to save a loved one, not many would pass up the offer...” Tsuruko muttered, as she waited for Tomoko to finish crying and calm down.

-oOo-

When Tomoko finally stopped crying, she let go of Tsuruko.

“So what do you plan on doing, now that I know your read identity?” Tsuruko asked.

“I plan on helping and supporting Mr. Urashima, and possibly set him up with my past self,” Tomoko answered.

“Are you sure?” Tsuruko asked.

“Yes, that is my plan. Is something wrong with it?” Tomoko asked back, with annoyance in her tone.

“Are you sure that you won't try to win Urashima for yourself? As in the you-you, not for your past self?” Tsuruko asked, tilting her head a little. She smiled a bit when Tomoko looked away with a blush.

“Don't be absurd! I don't deserve him!” Tomoko said through gritted teeth.

“He might think otherwise, if you support him when no one else is helping him,” Tsuruko asked.

“I just have to change my past self's view point enough to have her seek redemption for what's she's done so far,” Tomoko answered as she leapt down to the ally below. Tsuruko followed after her.

“Is it related to her despondent state?” Tsuruko asked.

“All I did was point out a few things she's done towards Mr. Urashima and threaten to tell you and the everyone else at the Shinmei-Ryu about them,” Tomoko answered as she and Tsuruko walked out of the alley and began to head back to the Hinata.

“I'm interested about that and what happened in your timeline. Care to tell me?” Tsuruko replied.

“Only if we can come up with a plan to help my past self get together with Mr. Urashima,” Tomoko said.

 

[HotelKatz]

Here's a question for you folks.

Should I have Tomoko go back to her own time or should I do what a few people have suggested to me and have Su merge Tomoko and Motoko?

I can think of one possible storyline for that to happen. Tomoko starts to feel that she's getting pulled back to her timeline, but because she's in a timeline that doesn't have a possible connection to her own timeline, she instead partially sees/feels a cold void (Something kind of like where Marle was when the search of Queen Leene was called off in Chrono Trigger). Not wanting to be stuck forever in a void, she goes to Su for help. Su suggests fusing Tomoko and Motoko with an invention. The trick afterwords will be convincing Motoko.

 

[DhampyrX2]

Here's a question for you folks.

Should I have Tomoko go back to her own time or should I do what a few people have suggested to me and have Su merge Tomoko and Motoko?

I can think of one possible storyline for that to happen. Tomoko starts to feel that she's getting pulled back to her timeline, but because she's in a timeline that doesn't have a possible connection to her own timeline, she instead partially sees/feels a cold void (Something kind of like where Marle was when the search of Queen Leene was called off in Chrono Trigger). Not wanting to be stuck forever in a void, she goes to Su for help. Su suggests fusing Tomoko and Motoko with an invention. The trick afterwords will be convincing Motoko.

Sounds like a rather elegant solution. Although if Motoko is already developing her own feelings for Keitaro and those are bolstered be Tomoko's better grasp of her feelings I don't envy Naru. That might be the final tipping point for the kid gloves to come off. Or take it another way where Motoko has won over Keitaro and it looks like it could be Tomoko's way to get a piece of the proverbial pie for herself.

 

[Spectrum]

Here's a question for you folks.

Should I have Tomoko go back to her own time or should I do what a few people have suggested to me and have Su merge Tomoko and Motoko?

I can think of one possible storyline for that to happen. Tomoko starts to feel that she's getting pulled back to her timeline, but because she's in a timeline that doesn't have a possible connection to her own timeline, she instead partially sees/feels a cold void (Something kind of like where Marle was when the search of Queen Leene was called off in Chrono Trigger). Not wanting to be stuck forever in a void, she goes to Su for help. Su suggests fusing Tomoko and Motoko with an invention. The trick afterwords will be convincing Motoko.

What kind of story are you trying to tell? How tragic do you want it to be?

Tomoko could go back to her own time, where nothing changed because it's an entirely different timeline.
She could fade away after finally and successfully changing the past because her timeline can never come to be.
(She could stick around because she screwed up and Keitaro fell in love with her.)
She could have no side effects and not require a fuse, but eventually exit stage left to get out of the normal cast's hair.
Etc...

Don't know how I feel about fusing. They're quite different people at this point, it wouldn't be fair at all to Motoko.

 

[chronodekar]

Don't know how I feel about fusing. They're quite different people at this point, it wouldn't be fair at all to Motoko.

Why not have Tomoko linger around as some kind of ghostly sub-conscious that only Motoko could see?

Or pull something out and say that Tomoko never made it back physically, and that its some kind of 'projection' of her self that she sent back...

-chronodekar

 

[HotelKatz]

Spectrum, as for what kinda story am I trying to tell.... I honestly can't really classify it well at this point. A lighthearted romp with a good moral or two that's not in anyone's face, mostly. Every time I write a chapter, I'm worried that the chapter might be the one where I wind up turning the fic into an out-and-out bash fic.

It's been awhile since I thought about why I really wanted to start writing the story. I wanted to tell a story where Motoko gets a visitor and is forced to confront her own faults. I think I'm still true to that intention. As for how tragic that I wanted it to be, not very much. Maybe get close to having a few fairly tragic chapters in the future.

---

chronodekar, ghostly sub-conscious adviser that only Motoko could see after fusing sounds like fun. While I think it may have been done a few times before in stories, it still sounds interesting enough to write for me.

---

I also went through my fanfic list and discovered what fics may have been a big inspiration for me. I put them up as suggestions to read in the latest chapter and also put up a thanks to the writers of those fics. I'm a bit scared that I might be seen as a thief. I'm going to contact the writers and apologize if I did wind up upsetting them by accidentally borrowing an element or two from their stories.

here's the list.

'A Second Chance for Love' by The Wonk

'First Love, Second Chance' by Vermilion-ZERO

'The Time Traveler' by Guyver04

 

[Meinos Kaen]

Hmmm... Well, to tell the truth, I think Tomoko and Tsuruko are going at this the wrong way. I mean, they're talking about setting up Keitaro and Motoko without them knowing... Doesn't it sound just like what all the girls have been doing for Naru?

I think we can all agree that if all the other girls didn't actively try to get Naru and Keitaro to hitch and didn't just get out of the way for the girl's sake, anyone of them would have had a chance with the bespectacled Ronin. Tomoko doing something similar to that doesn't exactly sound right to me.

What I think they should do is trying to help Motoko a normal person and for Keitaro to start thinking about everything in a more realistic light, but in the end the decision should be up to him and the girl only, without foul play. We've seen from canon what doing otherwise, brings. Just because you think it's a good idea doesn't mean it really is. (edit: you refers not to the author, but to a generic person.)

 

[shioran toushin]

this will most likely either backfire or 'work' in a ompletely unexpected way, and i think the whole 'you are doing it wrong' is intentional in the part of the author because he/she/BBQ doesn't intend for the 'plan' to actually succed (at least not due to their work).

and really i'm all for Tomoko to remain in the new timeline, because she didn't really Time Traveled and is more of a Slider than a Looper.

 

[HotelKatz]

Interesting arguments...

I'm really glad that I put a hiatus time of two months, so we can flesh out the details and discuss where the fic could go.

I think I'll have Tsuruko point that out to Tomoko when I go to write the next chapter, Meinos Kaen.

shioran toushin, you reminded me of a talk I had with Existential Insanity at FFN. He suggested that Future Motoko be from a another dimension where it was a few years ahead. If I decide to go to that route, that would mean that Future Su thought that she was making a time machine, but was accidentally making a dimension portal machine and had wound up connecting to a dimension that could pass in Future Su's eyes as the past.

 

[shioran toushin]

technically inless it is a loop every timeline is another dimension (unless you know they DO alted the timeline a la Back to the Future or that chapter in Roswell).
mainly because Tomoko doesn't remember 'Tomoko' being there when she was Motoko in the Hinata Inn, so it's not a time loop, and she is trying to Void her future (that would make her vanish the instant Kei doesn't choose Naru or would be replaced with another version of herself)
but to clear my point

Spoiler

“If you really are Motoko's future self-”Tsuruko said, before Tomoko raised her hand to silence her.

“Future self from a no longer viable timeline. In my timeline, no one named Tomoko Aoyama ever appeared,” Tomoko said. Tsuruko grew a bit angry when she heard that.

“As I was saying, If you are Motoko's future self, then tell me something that she and I only know,” Tsuruko ordered.

Evidence A, her futire is now void, thus she shouldn't even exist in the new timeline if she was indeed timetraveling for a further point in a linear timeline
Exhibit B:

Spoiler

“Does your timeline still exist or has it been over written?” Tsuruko asked, crossing her arms. Tomoko thought about it for a second or two.

“Since I still exist, I assume it exists, but I cannot return to it,” Tomoko answered.

“Then since you cannot return and you stated that the accuracy of the time portal machine isn't very accurate, then everyone you left will be mourning two people instead of one,” Tsuruko replied.

this does point to different timelines/dimensions instead of a linear one.
Exhibit C:

Spoiler

“But as you said, The Timeline you came from is not this timeline's future. If they send anyone else back, they will go to a different timeline, one that you are not in,” Tsuruko explained. “As far as they know, you are possibly alive, but they have no way of making sure.”

but this seems more like Tsuruko's take on what happened, and Like the Doctor said

People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff.

in the end Su did create a Time Machine, it's just that she didn't create a Linear Time Machine, just a Time Machine and like The Doctor said, well... sea of endless possibilities and the like.

 

[DhampyrX2]

technically inless it is a loop every timeline is another dimension (unless you know they DO alted the timeline a la Back to the Future or that chapter in Roswell).
mainly because Tomoko doesn't remember 'Tomoko' being there when she was Motoko in the Hinata Inn, so it's not a time loop, and she is trying to Void her future (that would make her vanish the instant Kei doesn't choose Naru or would be replaced with another version of herself)
but to clear my point

Spoiler

“If you really are Motoko's future self-”Tsuruko said, before Tomoko raised her hand to silence her.

“Future self from a no longer viable timeline. In my timeline, no one named Tomoko Aoyama ever appeared,” Tomoko said. Tsuruko grew a bit angry when she heard that.

“As I was saying, If you are Motoko's future self, then tell me something that she and I only know,” Tsuruko ordered.

Evidence A, her futire is now void, thus she shouldn't even exist in the new timeline if she was indeed timetraveling for a further point in a linear timeline
Exhibit B:

Spoiler

“Does your timeline still exist or has it been over written?” Tsuruko asked, crossing her arms. Tomoko thought about it for a second or two.

“Since I still exist, I assume it exists, but I cannot return to it,” Tomoko answered.

“Then since you cannot return and you stated that the accuracy of the time portal machine isn't very accurate, then everyone you left will be mourning two people instead of one,” Tsuruko replied.

this does point to different timelines/dimensions instead of a linear one.
Exhibit C:

Spoiler

“But as you said, The Timeline you came from is not this timeline's future. If they send anyone else back, they will go to a different timeline, one that you are not in,” Tsuruko explained. “As far as they know, you are possibly alive, but they have no way of making sure.”

but this seems more like Tsuruko's take on what happened, and Like the Doctor said

People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff.

in the end Su did create a Time Machine, it's just that she didn't create a Linear Time Machine, just a Time Machine and like The Doctor said, well... sea of endless possibilities and the like.

This is an anime/manga universe. It might be a Mirai Trunks situation where everything she does improves this timeline but her own remains there unchanged.

 

[HotelKatz]

shioran toushin, that was one of the most interesting posts I've ever read.

When I was typing up the chapter, I was mostly inspired by Star Trek TNG's 'Parallels' episode. Mainly because it's been a bit too long since I've sat down to watch Doctor Who to remember anything clearly from it. One of these days, I should sit down and re-watch a few episodes of Doctor Who.

When I made the first outline of my fic, the time travel thing was mostly an afterthought except for Tomoko's backstory. I think either I was intending on making the rules later or I was never going to touch upon timetravel again in the fic after Tomoko reveals her real identity. I can't really remember and my notes don't say. So I guess I broke one of the rules of writing a time travel story, 'before writing the story, decide on the rules of time travel in the story and stick with them'.

On one hand, I'm tempted to do the 'every timeline is another dimension' rules of time travel because there's the fun possibility of writing a few chapters of Su trying to send Tomoko home, but winding up visiting a few other alternate Love Hina dimensions, like one that's kinda like the Prototype of Love Hina, where Keitaro's last name was Akaishizawa, he was going to throw the tenants out and sell the Inn until they talked him into him taking the job/letting them stay, and he owned a motorcycle.

On the other hand, The Mirai Trunks situation would prevent the story from getting too far from its premise.

 

[EagleCeres]

my usd$0.02

Time travel is a complex and weird writing tool...
either you work on either altering the future by action or by avoiding action, and some writers use the "you cant touch your past self because the universe implodes/fuse into your other self/both people cease to exist" reasons.

Anyway, for this particular Time Travel event, since it's supposed to be a once in a lifetime thing and probably don't want other Future!HinaGirl appearing (specifically from Tomoko's timeline), You might want to consider:
- when Future!Kaolla created the time machine, she may have depleted her resources completing it;
- used up all the "supposedly innert magic" of the Hinata Sou to power the time machine itself.

basically "insert some reason here" to make the Time Traveling event a ONE AND ONLY ONE TIME shot of the proverbial Chekov's Gun.


Otherwise, I'm liking the back and forth between Tsuruko and Tomoko.

Tsuruko might like how Future!Motoko woman'd up and decided to fix things before they went awry. Tomoko's actions around Kei might be a helpful aid to the Aoyama elder sibling in creating an "alternative" plan to light a fire under Motoko to get her to admit her feelings (it's still Motoko, but one more mature and more secure in her femininity, just one that feels she doesn't deserve the man in question).


Keep up the good work Katz, hope to read more when the Muse show's ya some lovin's

 

[shioran toushin]

actually the Mirai Trunks case it's a case of Alternate Timeline, because he never met three of the droids, and even Cell was from OTHER Alternate timeline in which he killed that universe version of Trunks hijacked his Time Machine/Dimensional Vehicle and got years before Mirai Trunks got into 'canon' timeline, so we were dealing with at least 3 separate and completely independant timelines...
much like the 'recent' Zelda Timeline.
even if it's a Mirai Trunks situation, how do you think that Tomoko could return to her 'Future' in the remote case that she ever wanted to return to it? i mean it's not like she got a time Machine or that younger Kaolla could pinpoint the correct Timeline and point in it from where Tomoko spawned from.

 

[chronodekar]

basically "insert some reason here" to make the Time Traveling event a ONE AND ONLY ONE TIME shot of the proverbial Chekov's Gun.

I'm with this plus the 'linger around as Motoko's personal ghost' plotline. More because all this talk of timelines is too confusing. If we're having so much trouble just talking about it, only Lord knows what a typical reader might think.

Or for some really crazy LULZ moments, do the partial fusion/merger thing, i.e. Tomoko begins to get unstable and needs to 'merge' with some family member to still linger around.

As she's the most experienced one around, Tomoko 'merges' with Tsuruko and becomes her personal ghost.

Now, Motoko has two annoyances who want her to find a man. Her sister and an alternate future version of herself. Would give anyone second thoughts...

-chronodekar

 

[HotelKatz]

I must admit, I never thought a topic about a Love Hina fic would have an interesting discussion about time travel.

At the moment, there is no plans for anyone else from the future to come back in time. At most, maybe a few discussions about Future!Su's actions and her time machine, but that's it.

When I was going to bed last night, I thought about a special chapter that would be made from a short RP session where Haruka and Seta talk with a few friends about Tomoko's Time travel. Not sure how good that idea would would be.

 

[shioran toushin]

you know what would be really, really interesting to see? all this Tomoko and all being part of a RPG session between the Love Hina Cast, inspiration taken from this

 

[HotelKatz]

Gonna have to read that later...

 

[chronodekar]

I ... don't understand the comic.

-chronodekar

 

[HotelKatz]

I've read that comic and its sequel.

I don't think I'll have the final reveal be that the whole fic is something that the Love Hina cast made up. It seems too mean towards the reader for my tastes.

While My Ah my goddess what if fic is fake on one more level than most fics, it's known in advanced.

 

[shioran toushin]

well, the WTF Twist would, well be all in all a form of 'therapy' to try and excise... regrets by playing a game based around their lifes as a sort of What IF.
with naru commenting that She really wasn't that Violent... if only by a little bit, and commenting to motoko that she got carried by playing her future self, while Keitaro is Blushing because coincidentally both girls are cuddling to him.
And Mutsumi Saying that while she likes Na-chan all right, she is not that obsessed/Devoted, but that it was somewhat fun to play that part (and making references to her CHaracter Sheet).

i mean you could go with the: Dude Time Travle did happen (cue Time Travel Mechanics specific to the story), the whole It was a dream/Magical Vision, also there is the you get a vision from the future/alternate future so you are better prepared for what's to come or you could go with an honest 'game' of What IF performed by the Players to vent and bash without really becoming violent (and you could drop several hints that the story is not really what it seems, like the rather Hateable version of Mutsumi that you have delightfully created) and you still get Motoko to, well exorcise her demons and regrets.

@Chrono: to understand it you need to be a fan or at least like adventure time, but basically the whole "Show" and the land of Ooo is an RPG Tabletop Game, much like a reverse Jumanji or more correctly just how an RPG Tabletop should be played.

 

[HotelKatz]

Still really hesitant about that idea, shioran toushin. It does sound interesting, it still feels like a cruel twist on the reader.

I am a bit tempted to give you permission to write a fic where you use bits and pieces of my fic to go with that idea.

---

When Tomoko and Tsuruko get back to the Hinata, should Tsuruko be mad at Motoko or be deeply disappointed?

 

[shioran toushin]

meh, i can give ideas, but i'm too scatterbrained to write anything concrete, but as i said it's your story.
but i think that Tsuruko would be a little dissapointed that Motoko would... react so extremely tosomething that could be resolved pacefully or without such extreme reaction but mad because she doesn't show enough restraint over her abilities and she was supposed to grow as a person instead of finding a nice 'niche' and staying there, not to mention the enablers.
and that is if Motoko stays 'calm' (or more like resigned to beat Tsuruko's judgement), because if she lies or tries to justify her actions, well that's another ball.