I'm just quoting the story snippets and leaving my comments in red color.
next bit,
Don't have anything to comment on the latest snippet, so I guess that's it for now. For that matter, I might have missed something too.
-chronodekar
-oOoOoOoOo-
“I'm Keitaro Urashima, the Manager and landlord of the Hinata. Motoko will be happy to know/hear that another one of her relatives has come,†Keitaro said, moving out of the way for Tsuruko to enter.
That 'M' need not be capital here.
As she walked in, a puzzled expression briefly appeared on Tsuruko's face.
“Who are you referring to, Mr. Urashima?†Tsuruko asked.
“Tomoko Aoyama. She came a day or two ago,†Keitaro answered as he led Tsuruko to the dining room. “Good thing Shinobu made extra helpings tonight.â€
A bit more humble this way
A slight twitch of a frown crossed Tsuruko's face.
“I apologize for intruding. Had I know you were eating around now, I would have come by another time,†Tsuruko replied.
“It's alright. Motoko's been in a bit of a bad mood. Maybe seeing you will cheer her up?†Keitaro said, as he led Tsuruko into the dining room.
'Assuming she doesn't panic at the very sight of me....' thought Tsuruko .
Shinobu, Motoko, and Tomoko entered at that moment. The latter two were deep in thought. Tomoko seemed a bit angry, while Motoko appeared a bit depressed.
“Motoko, you have a guest,†said Keitaro as he noticed the kendoist.
All but two were curious as they looked at Tsuruko. Motoko's face paled, while Tomoko sighed with some resignation. Tsuruko stared at the two as she was guided to a seat by Keitaro. Shinobu, Motoko, and Tomoko sat down as well.
Can't quite tell why, but I don't like this sentence
“Tomoko, I presume?†Tsuruko asked the unfamiliar face, who nodded in reply, “We'll need to talk later, after I speak with Motoko.â€
“Who are you?†Naru asked.
“I am Motoko's older sister, Tsuruko Aoyama,†Tsuruko answered.
“Actually, if no one minds, I'd like for myself and Tsuruko to leave for a bit to chat privately,†Tomoko said.
“Fine with me!†Naru and Kitsune replied quickly.
“If it's important, I say let them,†Mutsumi said with a smile.
I forgot. What's she doing here? :unsure!:
“Sister?†Tsuruko asked.
“I think-†Motoko said, before getting interrupted by Kitsune tapping her under the table with her foot. Motoko looked at the gambler for a few moments before she realized what Kitsune was doing.
It had been a long time since anyone in the Hinata had communicated in some made-up communication that Su either created or brought from Molmol, but Kitsune was tapping out, 'Got plan solve everything let her go.'
Is this canon or fanon? I don't remember a thing about the whole Molmol incident.
Motoko thought for a few more seconds.
'I want to tell Sister that Tomoko is going to tell her information that is out of proportion, but whatever Tomoko might tell her about me is backed up by Su's computers. I don't want to, but perhaps following whatever plan Kitsune has might be better...' worried Motoko in her head.
“Sister? Is everything alright?†Tsuruko asked with only a small touch of concern in her voice when Motoko was looking down at the floor.
“Yes, I'm fine. You two can.... go...†Motoko replied uneasily.
“It if bothers you this much-†Tsuruko replied, before Motoko fixed her with a glare.
“I said you two can go!†Motoko reasserted loudly.
“Anyone else?†Tsuruko asked, as she glanced at Tomoko with a nearly undetectable frown and thought, 'I get the feeling she had done something to bother my little sister...'.
Shinobu and Su shrugged, while Keitaro said in a concerned tone, “Just hurry back.â€
“We will,†Tomoko and Tsuruko said at the same time before they left the room.
Keitaro and the rest at the table watched them leave the room. When Keitaro turned around to start eating, he quickly noticed that Naru and Mutsumi were staring at him with a pleading look. Kitsune was also starting at Keitaro, but had an unreadable expression.
“Keitaro.... We need to talk....†Naru muttered.
“Yes, Kei-chan.... It concerns the peace of the Hinata and Tomoko...†Mutsumi said.
“She hasn't caused any problems as far as I know,†Keitaro said.
“She made Naru feel bad,†Mutsumi replied. To her surprise, Keitaro's eyes gained a slight glint of determination.
“She was threatening me in a store when I hadn't done anything. Tomoko asked her a few questions,†Keitaro said.
“Hey! We made a mistake letting you go off with Su and Shinobu, you pervert!†Naru quickly replied. She looked at the two younger girls and asked, “Don't you believe it was wrong of us to leave you with him?â€
Considering recent events, I find it a bit odd that Naru's behavior hasn't changed. Then again, I'm not in a good frame of mind to be commenting on such things...
“N-no...†Shinobu muttered, not liking being stared at when Naru is starting to get angry.
There is SOMETHING wrong with the grammar here.
“Heh. It's more like the other way around!†Su replied with a slight giggle.
“Dammit.... he's gotten you to believe a pack of lies....†Naru muttered to herself.
“Naru, not helping with our case...†Kitsune said, as she grabbed one of Naru's shoulders to get her attention. Naru tried to calm down a little.
“When I went to talk to Tomoko earlier, she felt.... Wrong,†Mutsumi said.
“Wrong? How?†Keitaro asked, tilting his head a little in a bit of confusion.
“It's hard to explain, but it was kind of like a purple block in a group of red blocks,†Mutsumi tried to explain.
“That still isn't a good reason to get rid of Tomoko. Maybe ask her to behave herself...†Keitaro muttered.
Naru gestured to Motoko.
“I bet Tomoko said or did something to make Motoko feel bad!†Naru loudly said.
“Motoko, did she?†Mutsumi asked, placing a hand on Motoko's shoulders.
'Tell them what Tomoko did and get her out of the Hinata.... and then Tomoko goes to the Aoyama compound and tells them how I besmirched my honor. Let her stay and I might find a way to get Tomoko to keep silent. But Tomoko has gone off with Tsuruko and Kitsune's plan has proven pointless...' Motoko thought. “Whatever she may have done, it is an Aoyama matter. It does not concern any of you.â€
“Ah well.... Guess Tomoko is gonna try to get our Motoko to go back home with whatever she's told your older sister...†Kitsune replied.
“I said it does not concern any of you,†Motoko growled at Kitsune.
“I'm just trying to help you,†Kitsune said, frowning at Motoko.
“And I said-†Motoko replied, before she was interrupted.
“Everyone, just stop!†Keitaro said, getting everyone's attention. “Motoko, what's your thoughts about if Tomoko should stay or leave?â€
After a moment, Motoko answered. “As long as she doesn't break the rules, let her stay.â€
'And that will allow me to find something to keep her quiet about certain things,' Motoko thought.
“I also vote to let her stay,†Su said in an oddly serious tone, surprising everyone a little bit.
“This wasn't a vote,†Keitaro said, before anyone else could put in their two cents.
“I'm Keitaro Urashima, the Manager and landlord of the Hinata. Motoko will be happy to know/hear that another one of her relatives has come,†Keitaro said, moving out of the way for Tsuruko to enter.
That 'M' need not be capital here.
As she walked in, a puzzled expression briefly appeared on Tsuruko's face.
“Who are you referring to, Mr. Urashima?†Tsuruko asked.
“Tomoko Aoyama. She came a day or two ago,†Keitaro answered as he led Tsuruko to the dining room. “Good thing Shinobu made extra helpings tonight.â€
A bit more humble this way
A slight twitch of a frown crossed Tsuruko's face.
“I apologize for intruding. Had I know you were eating around now, I would have come by another time,†Tsuruko replied.
“It's alright. Motoko's been in a bit of a bad mood. Maybe seeing you will cheer her up?†Keitaro said, as he led Tsuruko into the dining room.
'Assuming she doesn't panic at the very sight of me....' thought Tsuruko .
Shinobu, Motoko, and Tomoko entered at that moment. The latter two were deep in thought. Tomoko seemed a bit angry, while Motoko appeared a bit depressed.
“Motoko, you have a guest,†said Keitaro as he noticed the kendoist.
All but two were curious as they looked at Tsuruko. Motoko's face paled, while Tomoko sighed with some resignation. Tsuruko stared at the two as she was guided to a seat by Keitaro. Shinobu, Motoko, and Tomoko sat down as well.
Can't quite tell why, but I don't like this sentence
“Tomoko, I presume?†Tsuruko asked the unfamiliar face, who nodded in reply, “We'll need to talk later, after I speak with Motoko.â€
“Who are you?†Naru asked.
“I am Motoko's older sister, Tsuruko Aoyama,†Tsuruko answered.
“Actually, if no one minds, I'd like for myself and Tsuruko to leave for a bit to chat privately,†Tomoko said.
“Fine with me!†Naru and Kitsune replied quickly.
“If it's important, I say let them,†Mutsumi said with a smile.
I forgot. What's she doing here? :unsure!:
“Sister?†Tsuruko asked.
“I think-†Motoko said, before getting interrupted by Kitsune tapping her under the table with her foot. Motoko looked at the gambler for a few moments before she realized what Kitsune was doing.
It had been a long time since anyone in the Hinata had communicated in some made-up communication that Su either created or brought from Molmol, but Kitsune was tapping out, 'Got plan solve everything let her go.'
Is this canon or fanon? I don't remember a thing about the whole Molmol incident.
Motoko thought for a few more seconds.
'I want to tell Sister that Tomoko is going to tell her information that is out of proportion, but whatever Tomoko might tell her about me is backed up by Su's computers. I don't want to, but perhaps following whatever plan Kitsune has might be better...' worried Motoko in her head.
“Sister? Is everything alright?†Tsuruko asked with only a small touch of concern in her voice when Motoko was looking down at the floor.
“Yes, I'm fine. You two can.... go...†Motoko replied uneasily.
“It if bothers you this much-†Tsuruko replied, before Motoko fixed her with a glare.
“I said you two can go!†Motoko reasserted loudly.
“Anyone else?†Tsuruko asked, as she glanced at Tomoko with a nearly undetectable frown and thought, 'I get the feeling she had done something to bother my little sister...'.
Shinobu and Su shrugged, while Keitaro said in a concerned tone, “Just hurry back.â€
“We will,†Tomoko and Tsuruko said at the same time before they left the room.
Keitaro and the rest at the table watched them leave the room. When Keitaro turned around to start eating, he quickly noticed that Naru and Mutsumi were staring at him with a pleading look. Kitsune was also starting at Keitaro, but had an unreadable expression.
“Keitaro.... We need to talk....†Naru muttered.
“Yes, Kei-chan.... It concerns the peace of the Hinata and Tomoko...†Mutsumi said.
“She hasn't caused any problems as far as I know,†Keitaro said.
“She made Naru feel bad,†Mutsumi replied. To her surprise, Keitaro's eyes gained a slight glint of determination.
“She was threatening me in a store when I hadn't done anything. Tomoko asked her a few questions,†Keitaro said.
“Hey! We made a mistake letting you go off with Su and Shinobu, you pervert!†Naru quickly replied. She looked at the two younger girls and asked, “Don't you believe it was wrong of us to leave you with him?â€
Considering recent events, I find it a bit odd that Naru's behavior hasn't changed. Then again, I'm not in a good frame of mind to be commenting on such things...
“N-no...†Shinobu muttered, not liking being stared at when Naru is starting to get angry.
There is SOMETHING wrong with the grammar here.
“Heh. It's more like the other way around!†Su replied with a slight giggle.
“Dammit.... he's gotten you to believe a pack of lies....†Naru muttered to herself.
“Naru, not helping with our case...†Kitsune said, as she grabbed one of Naru's shoulders to get her attention. Naru tried to calm down a little.
“When I went to talk to Tomoko earlier, she felt.... Wrong,†Mutsumi said.
“Wrong? How?†Keitaro asked, tilting his head a little in a bit of confusion.
“It's hard to explain, but it was kind of like a purple block in a group of red blocks,†Mutsumi tried to explain.
“That still isn't a good reason to get rid of Tomoko. Maybe ask her to behave herself...†Keitaro muttered.
Naru gestured to Motoko.
“I bet Tomoko said or did something to make Motoko feel bad!†Naru loudly said.
“Motoko, did she?†Mutsumi asked, placing a hand on Motoko's shoulders.
'Tell them what Tomoko did and get her out of the Hinata.... and then Tomoko goes to the Aoyama compound and tells them how I besmirched my honor. Let her stay and I might find a way to get Tomoko to keep silent. But Tomoko has gone off with Tsuruko and Kitsune's plan has proven pointless...' Motoko thought. “Whatever she may have done, it is an Aoyama matter. It does not concern any of you.â€
“Ah well.... Guess Tomoko is gonna try to get our Motoko to go back home with whatever she's told your older sister...†Kitsune replied.
“I said it does not concern any of you,†Motoko growled at Kitsune.
“I'm just trying to help you,†Kitsune said, frowning at Motoko.
“And I said-†Motoko replied, before she was interrupted.
“Everyone, just stop!†Keitaro said, getting everyone's attention. “Motoko, what's your thoughts about if Tomoko should stay or leave?â€
After a moment, Motoko answered. “As long as she doesn't break the rules, let her stay.â€
'And that will allow me to find something to keep her quiet about certain things,' Motoko thought.
“I also vote to let her stay,†Su said in an oddly serious tone, surprising everyone a little bit.
“This wasn't a vote,†Keitaro said, before anyone else could put in their two cents.
next bit,
-oOoOoOo-
Tomoko and Tsuruko stood in front of the Hinata.
“Shall we speak here?†Tsuruko asked.
“No. Anywhere on the Hinata grounds will have eavesdroppers sooner or later,†Tomoko answered. With a smirk, she said, “Follow me, if you can.†before quickly darting off.
“More childish then I remember Tomoko ever being....†Tsuruko muttered, before starting to chase after Tomoko.
When Tomoko reached the ends of the Hinata grounds and had neared an alley between two buildings, Tsuruko thought that would be where they would speak.
Instead, she was surprised when Tomoko leapt on one wall and then leapt onto the other, before leaping back onto the first. She continued to do this until she was on the roof of one of the buildings.
“Need any help, Tsuruko?†Tomoko asked in a slightly playful manner.
'That's definitely not the Tomoko I remember. She was too focused towards duty and had a short temper,' Tsuruko thought as she looked up at Tomoko. “No need, I'll be up in a second or two.â€
Tsuruko wall-jumped in a similar manner. Frankly, I'm not sure if this is good grammar either..
“Now, shall we-†Tsuruko asked, before noticing that Tomoko had started running away onto another building.
“Not here! A block or two away!†Tomoko said with a laugh.
'Whoever she is, she is not Tomoko Aoyama...' Tsuruko thought with a frown as she started to chase after Tomoko. Tsuruko kept a hand on the sword at her side.
Less than a minute later when they were a block away from the Hinata, Tomoko finally stopped on a rooftop.
“This is a good spot to chat,†Tomoko said as Tsuruko landed on the roof.
“Perhaps....†Tsuruko said in a flat tone as she walked towards Tomoko and studied her.
“You don't trust me, do you?†Tomoko asked, in a increasingly fake cheerful manner. Feels OOC to me. It would fit Xellos personality a lot better than anyone from the Love Hina cast.
“Tomoko has been away for years on sabbatical. First because she attacked and severely injured someone that wanted to be her firend, then she stayed away because she felt the Shinmei-Ryu was starting to breed hate. I've been working to both decrease their influence and to remove their power over the school,†Tsuruko said.
“One bit of proof of that is Setsuna Sakurazaki's entry into the school,†Tomoko said.
Tsuruko then prepared to pull out her sword to strike at Tomoko and asked, “How do you know that?â€
“I could answer that in two ways - option-A, I either lower my defenses and allow you to see if I am lying OR, option-B we can duel and you can judge from my body's language if I am telling the truth,†Tomoko asked.
“And what if you've deluded yourself into thinking whatever you say is the truth?†challenged Tsuruko.
“I take it you want to try the second method?†Tomoko asked back as she brought a pair of Bokken out of nowhere and tossed one towards the other female, who caught it.
“Partially out of a sense that I want to punish you for doing something to Motoko,†Tsuruko answered, deciding to let Tomoko make the first move.
“I only brought up some of her dishonorable actions towards Mr. Urashima,†Tomoko replied, as she seemed to be doing the same as Tsuruko.
“Enlighten me,†Tsuruko asked. She was a bit surprised when Tomoko grew a bit angry.
“Repeated attacks towards Mr. Urashima's person, simply because Motoko was unwilling to listen to any excuse other than Mr. Urashima being a pervert,†Tomoko spat.
“You seem quite angry at that.... More than you should be...†Tsuruko muttered. She grew a bit curious when Tomoko, instead of growing annoyed or angry at her, merely chuckled a tiny bit before coming in with an overhead strike.
“It is as you might think,†Tomoko replied, as Tsuruko easily blocked the attack. Tomoko then stopped the strike and took a step back before repeatedly trying to attack Tsuruko's sides. “I am not Tomoko, but I am an Aoyama.â€
“Who then?†Tsuruko asked, as she was starting to have a bit of difficulty blocking Tomoko's strikes as Tomoko kept increasing in speed.
“Even if I told you, you would not believe it,†Tomoko said, as Tsuruko leapt back and then attacked with a very weak stone-cutting wave, one that had the force of a nasty shove, but couldn't break anything. “Had I arrived a few years later, after Setsuna told of of something that will happen to her when she goes to Mahora academy, you might believe me.â€
“What makes you think she'll go to that place?†Tsuruko asked, as she watched Tomoko dodge the attack by leaping off to the side and then Tomoko returned her own version. Tsuruko dodged it by jumping up in the air.
“She does because her friend Konoka Konoe will go there. Even if you forbid her, she'll still go,†Tomoko answered, as she dashed towards Tsuruko as the latter landed. Tomoko tried to attack with a simple strike from the side, but Tsuruko blocked it.
“I believe I've seen enough. Tell me who you really are,†Tsruko ordered. Tomoko then stopped trying to attack and put her bokken at her side.
“Very well. I had hoped I would have had more time, but the way I came here wasn't very precise and it was only one way,†Tomoko said, as she walked away from Tsuruko to look at the Hinata. Tsuruko felt Tomoko lower down her own spiritual defenses, making any ki attack against Tomoko have a high chance of being a fatal one. After a few moments, she faced Tsuruko with a sad smile and said seven words.
Tsuruko then tapped the side of her head in some odd way of cleaning out her ears and said, “Could you repeat that? I thought you said something insane.â€
Tomoko then repeated, “I am Motoko Aoyama from the future.â€
After a few more moments, Tsuruko angrily asked, “Do you know how insane that sounds to me, how much of a lie that sounds?â€
“I admit, it does sound like an insane lie, but in the original timeline, You came here to bring me back to the Shinmei-Ryu, I then panicked and claimed that Mr. Urashima was my fiance. That lie was more believable, however,†Tomoko answered.
“That does sound like something that Motoko would do, but I do not believe that you are her from the future,†Tsuruko replied.
“I lowered down my defenses. If I am lying, then even a novice would be able to detect if anything I say is a falsehood,†Tomoko said.
A minute or two passed as Tsuruko studied Tomoko.
“Let's say I believe you. Why did you come back to this time?†Tsuruko asked.
“Actually, I tried to come back to an earlier time, when Mr. Urashima first came to the Hinata. I came here roughly about two months ago. I wish had had come back earlier, to avoid a big mistake that I had made, But Su's time portal machine isn't very accurate,†Tomoko answered with some anger in her voice.
“And what might that be?†Tsuruko asked, as her anger started to fade a bit when she didn't see any signs of lying. She still was wary of Tomoko.
“My past self joined the other girls in prosecuting Mr. Urashima when we all thought that he slept with Ms. Otohime. We were wrong. She sleepwalked and fell into his room,†Tomoko said, as long buried guilt appeared on her face.
“So why didn't you come earlier, when you had the chance?†Tsuruko asked.
“I needed to build up some money, in case I decided to talk Mr. Urashima into leaving the Hinata with me or to gain his trust if a situation arose where he needed a lot of money fast,†Tomoko answered.
A few moments passed.
“If you really are Motoko's future self-â€Tsuruko said, before Tomoko raised her hand to silence her.
“Future self from a no longer viable timeline. In my timeline, no one named Tomoko Aoyama ever appeared,†Tomoko said. Tsuruko grew a bit angry when she heard that.
“As I was saying, If you are Motoko's future self, then tell me something that she and I only know,†Tsuruko ordered.
Tomoko's sad smile gained a wicked gleam as she pulled out a folded sheet of paper and tossed it at Tsuruko. Tsuruko grabbed it and opened it up to read it. Tomoko grinned as Tsuruko's faced turned red from embarrassment.
“Is that proof enough?†Tomoko asked as she watched Tsuruko tear the sheet to shreds before tossing the shreds into the air to burn them with the Thunderclap Sword technique.
“Since Motoko would never reveal that to anyone, I'll believe who you claim to be,†Tsuruko replied before fixing Tomoko with a glare. “But if you are my sister and are from the future, you are extremely selfish.â€
“Selfish? You don't even know why I came in the first place!†Tomoko loudly said back.
“Then enlighten me, since you didn't tell me why when I asked,†Tsuruko said.
“I came back in time to prevent Urashima's death!†Tomoko yelled.
“Does your timeline still exist or has it been over written?†Tsuruko asked, crossing her arms. Tomoko thought about it for a second or two.
“Since I still exist, I assume it exists, but I cannot return to it,†Tomoko answered.
“Then since you cannot return and you stated that the accuracy of the time portal machine isn't very accurate, then everyone you left will be mourning two people instead of one,†Tsuruko replied.
“They.... They will not be mourning me, only Urashima!†Tomoko loudly declared.
“How will they know you've gotten to this time period? Can you communicate with them?†Tsuruko asked.
“No...†Tomoko growled.
“Then they might as well be mourning you. They have no idea you might still be alive,†Tsuruko said.
“You know nothing! If Person A does not contact Person B, should Person B assume that Person A is dead?†Tomoko yelled.
“But as you said, The Timeline you came from is not this timeline's future. If they send anyone else back, they will go to a different timeline, one that you are not in,†Tsuruko explained. “As far as they know, you are possibly alive, but they have no way of making sure.â€
Tomoko felt a cold chill go down her spine as her anger vanished.
“Surely you must have realized this during the two months you spent getting money for emergencies...†Tsuruko said, as she uncrossed her arms and began walking around Tomoko.
“I... I didn't....†Tomoko quietly muttered.
Tsuruko sighed. The desperation on Tomoko's face and the fact that Tomoko's aura was giving signs that she was honest, finally let Tsuruko know that Tomoko was Motoko from the future.
“On one hand, it is heartening to know that you made a choice and followed though with it. On the other hand, I am disappointed that you didn't consider the effects of your choice and how it would effect others,†Tsuruko said, hugging Tomoko from behind.
“...Thanks, I guess....†Tomoko whispered.
“So how did he die?†Tsuruko asked. Tomoko looked at the ground.
“We all thought he was immortal, that he could take any attack without lasting harm. He volunteered to help with the Shinmei-Ryu by being an assistant whenever he could. He helped Su with her inventions. We all should have know that no one can take that abuse for a long time without repercussions...†Tomoko quietly explained as shame, anger, and sorrow showed on her face. She then spat with hate in her voice, “Especially Narusagawa....â€
“What did she do to gain such hate from you?†Tsuruko asked, as she let Tomoko go.
“She married him. Any time she felt he stared too long at someone, she hit him. Any time she felt under-appreciated, she hit him. Any time she felt that he was making her look bad by treating her to anything, she hit him. The rest of us should have know his warm smile was turning fake and hollow. Eventually, She hit him because she wasn't sure if she wanted kids or not and all he said was that he would support her in any decision that she made about it. The years of getting hit by everyone sapped his will to live and that hit... wound up... killing him,†Tomoko said, as she started crying near the end.
Tsuruko hugged her again. Tomoko quickly turned around and hugged Tsuruko back.
“I understand. If anyone could turn back the clock to save a loved one, not many would pass up the offer...†Tsuruko muttered, as she waited for Tomoko to finish crying and calm down.
Tomoko and Tsuruko stood in front of the Hinata.
“Shall we speak here?†Tsuruko asked.
“No. Anywhere on the Hinata grounds will have eavesdroppers sooner or later,†Tomoko answered. With a smirk, she said, “Follow me, if you can.†before quickly darting off.
“More childish then I remember Tomoko ever being....†Tsuruko muttered, before starting to chase after Tomoko.
When Tomoko reached the ends of the Hinata grounds and had neared an alley between two buildings, Tsuruko thought that would be where they would speak.
Instead, she was surprised when Tomoko leapt on one wall and then leapt onto the other, before leaping back onto the first. She continued to do this until she was on the roof of one of the buildings.
“Need any help, Tsuruko?†Tomoko asked in a slightly playful manner.
'That's definitely not the Tomoko I remember. She was too focused towards duty and had a short temper,' Tsuruko thought as she looked up at Tomoko. “No need, I'll be up in a second or two.â€
Tsuruko wall-jumped in a similar manner. Frankly, I'm not sure if this is good grammar either..
“Now, shall we-†Tsuruko asked, before noticing that Tomoko had started running away onto another building.
“Not here! A block or two away!†Tomoko said with a laugh.
'Whoever she is, she is not Tomoko Aoyama...' Tsuruko thought with a frown as she started to chase after Tomoko. Tsuruko kept a hand on the sword at her side.
Less than a minute later when they were a block away from the Hinata, Tomoko finally stopped on a rooftop.
“This is a good spot to chat,†Tomoko said as Tsuruko landed on the roof.
“Perhaps....†Tsuruko said in a flat tone as she walked towards Tomoko and studied her.
“You don't trust me, do you?†Tomoko asked, in a increasingly fake cheerful manner. Feels OOC to me. It would fit Xellos personality a lot better than anyone from the Love Hina cast.
“Tomoko has been away for years on sabbatical. First because she attacked and severely injured someone that wanted to be her firend, then she stayed away because she felt the Shinmei-Ryu was starting to breed hate. I've been working to both decrease their influence and to remove their power over the school,†Tsuruko said.
“One bit of proof of that is Setsuna Sakurazaki's entry into the school,†Tomoko said.
Tsuruko then prepared to pull out her sword to strike at Tomoko and asked, “How do you know that?â€
“I could answer that in two ways - option-A, I either lower my defenses and allow you to see if I am lying OR, option-B we can duel and you can judge from my body's language if I am telling the truth,†Tomoko asked.
“And what if you've deluded yourself into thinking whatever you say is the truth?†challenged Tsuruko.
“I take it you want to try the second method?†Tomoko asked back as she brought a pair of Bokken out of nowhere and tossed one towards the other female, who caught it.
“Partially out of a sense that I want to punish you for doing something to Motoko,†Tsuruko answered, deciding to let Tomoko make the first move.
“I only brought up some of her dishonorable actions towards Mr. Urashima,†Tomoko replied, as she seemed to be doing the same as Tsuruko.
“Enlighten me,†Tsuruko asked. She was a bit surprised when Tomoko grew a bit angry.
“Repeated attacks towards Mr. Urashima's person, simply because Motoko was unwilling to listen to any excuse other than Mr. Urashima being a pervert,†Tomoko spat.
“You seem quite angry at that.... More than you should be...†Tsuruko muttered. She grew a bit curious when Tomoko, instead of growing annoyed or angry at her, merely chuckled a tiny bit before coming in with an overhead strike.
“It is as you might think,†Tomoko replied, as Tsuruko easily blocked the attack. Tomoko then stopped the strike and took a step back before repeatedly trying to attack Tsuruko's sides. “I am not Tomoko, but I am an Aoyama.â€
“Who then?†Tsuruko asked, as she was starting to have a bit of difficulty blocking Tomoko's strikes as Tomoko kept increasing in speed.
“Even if I told you, you would not believe it,†Tomoko said, as Tsuruko leapt back and then attacked with a very weak stone-cutting wave, one that had the force of a nasty shove, but couldn't break anything. “Had I arrived a few years later, after Setsuna told of of something that will happen to her when she goes to Mahora academy, you might believe me.â€
“What makes you think she'll go to that place?†Tsuruko asked, as she watched Tomoko dodge the attack by leaping off to the side and then Tomoko returned her own version. Tsuruko dodged it by jumping up in the air.
“She does because her friend Konoka Konoe will go there. Even if you forbid her, she'll still go,†Tomoko answered, as she dashed towards Tsuruko as the latter landed. Tomoko tried to attack with a simple strike from the side, but Tsuruko blocked it.
“I believe I've seen enough. Tell me who you really are,†Tsruko ordered. Tomoko then stopped trying to attack and put her bokken at her side.
“Very well. I had hoped I would have had more time, but the way I came here wasn't very precise and it was only one way,†Tomoko said, as she walked away from Tsuruko to look at the Hinata. Tsuruko felt Tomoko lower down her own spiritual defenses, making any ki attack against Tomoko have a high chance of being a fatal one. After a few moments, she faced Tsuruko with a sad smile and said seven words.
Tsuruko then tapped the side of her head in some odd way of cleaning out her ears and said, “Could you repeat that? I thought you said something insane.â€
Tomoko then repeated, “I am Motoko Aoyama from the future.â€
After a few more moments, Tsuruko angrily asked, “Do you know how insane that sounds to me, how much of a lie that sounds?â€
“I admit, it does sound like an insane lie, but in the original timeline, You came here to bring me back to the Shinmei-Ryu, I then panicked and claimed that Mr. Urashima was my fiance. That lie was more believable, however,†Tomoko answered.
“That does sound like something that Motoko would do, but I do not believe that you are her from the future,†Tsuruko replied.
“I lowered down my defenses. If I am lying, then even a novice would be able to detect if anything I say is a falsehood,†Tomoko said.
A minute or two passed as Tsuruko studied Tomoko.
“Let's say I believe you. Why did you come back to this time?†Tsuruko asked.
“Actually, I tried to come back to an earlier time, when Mr. Urashima first came to the Hinata. I came here roughly about two months ago. I wish had had come back earlier, to avoid a big mistake that I had made, But Su's time portal machine isn't very accurate,†Tomoko answered with some anger in her voice.
“And what might that be?†Tsuruko asked, as her anger started to fade a bit when she didn't see any signs of lying. She still was wary of Tomoko.
“My past self joined the other girls in prosecuting Mr. Urashima when we all thought that he slept with Ms. Otohime. We were wrong. She sleepwalked and fell into his room,†Tomoko said, as long buried guilt appeared on her face.
“So why didn't you come earlier, when you had the chance?†Tsuruko asked.
“I needed to build up some money, in case I decided to talk Mr. Urashima into leaving the Hinata with me or to gain his trust if a situation arose where he needed a lot of money fast,†Tomoko answered.
A few moments passed.
“If you really are Motoko's future self-â€Tsuruko said, before Tomoko raised her hand to silence her.
“Future self from a no longer viable timeline. In my timeline, no one named Tomoko Aoyama ever appeared,†Tomoko said. Tsuruko grew a bit angry when she heard that.
“As I was saying, If you are Motoko's future self, then tell me something that she and I only know,†Tsuruko ordered.
Tomoko's sad smile gained a wicked gleam as she pulled out a folded sheet of paper and tossed it at Tsuruko. Tsuruko grabbed it and opened it up to read it. Tomoko grinned as Tsuruko's faced turned red from embarrassment.
“Is that proof enough?†Tomoko asked as she watched Tsuruko tear the sheet to shreds before tossing the shreds into the air to burn them with the Thunderclap Sword technique.
“Since Motoko would never reveal that to anyone, I'll believe who you claim to be,†Tsuruko replied before fixing Tomoko with a glare. “But if you are my sister and are from the future, you are extremely selfish.â€
“Selfish? You don't even know why I came in the first place!†Tomoko loudly said back.
“Then enlighten me, since you didn't tell me why when I asked,†Tsuruko said.
“I came back in time to prevent Urashima's death!†Tomoko yelled.
“Does your timeline still exist or has it been over written?†Tsuruko asked, crossing her arms. Tomoko thought about it for a second or two.
“Since I still exist, I assume it exists, but I cannot return to it,†Tomoko answered.
“Then since you cannot return and you stated that the accuracy of the time portal machine isn't very accurate, then everyone you left will be mourning two people instead of one,†Tsuruko replied.
“They.... They will not be mourning me, only Urashima!†Tomoko loudly declared.
“How will they know you've gotten to this time period? Can you communicate with them?†Tsuruko asked.
“No...†Tomoko growled.
“Then they might as well be mourning you. They have no idea you might still be alive,†Tsuruko said.
“You know nothing! If Person A does not contact Person B, should Person B assume that Person A is dead?†Tomoko yelled.
“But as you said, The Timeline you came from is not this timeline's future. If they send anyone else back, they will go to a different timeline, one that you are not in,†Tsuruko explained. “As far as they know, you are possibly alive, but they have no way of making sure.â€
Tomoko felt a cold chill go down her spine as her anger vanished.
“Surely you must have realized this during the two months you spent getting money for emergencies...†Tsuruko said, as she uncrossed her arms and began walking around Tomoko.
“I... I didn't....†Tomoko quietly muttered.
Tsuruko sighed. The desperation on Tomoko's face and the fact that Tomoko's aura was giving signs that she was honest, finally let Tsuruko know that Tomoko was Motoko from the future.
“On one hand, it is heartening to know that you made a choice and followed though with it. On the other hand, I am disappointed that you didn't consider the effects of your choice and how it would effect others,†Tsuruko said, hugging Tomoko from behind.
“...Thanks, I guess....†Tomoko whispered.
“So how did he die?†Tsuruko asked. Tomoko looked at the ground.
“We all thought he was immortal, that he could take any attack without lasting harm. He volunteered to help with the Shinmei-Ryu by being an assistant whenever he could. He helped Su with her inventions. We all should have know that no one can take that abuse for a long time without repercussions...†Tomoko quietly explained as shame, anger, and sorrow showed on her face. She then spat with hate in her voice, “Especially Narusagawa....â€
“What did she do to gain such hate from you?†Tsuruko asked, as she let Tomoko go.
“She married him. Any time she felt he stared too long at someone, she hit him. Any time she felt under-appreciated, she hit him. Any time she felt that he was making her look bad by treating her to anything, she hit him. The rest of us should have know his warm smile was turning fake and hollow. Eventually, She hit him because she wasn't sure if she wanted kids or not and all he said was that he would support her in any decision that she made about it. The years of getting hit by everyone sapped his will to live and that hit... wound up... killing him,†Tomoko said, as she started crying near the end.
Tsuruko hugged her again. Tomoko quickly turned around and hugged Tsuruko back.
“I understand. If anyone could turn back the clock to save a loved one, not many would pass up the offer...†Tsuruko muttered, as she waited for Tomoko to finish crying and calm down.
Don't have anything to comment on the latest snippet, so I guess that's it for now. For that matter, I might have missed something too.
-chronodekar