Akamatsuverse Another blade in a second

[HotelKatz]

I might as well reveal it now. The couple that owned the store in chapter 4 are expys of Tron and Megaman from Megaman legend. I kinda plan on having their back story be that they had a few adventures with Haruka and Seta in the past.

I was a bit upset at the time at learning Megaman Legends 3 was cancelled.

---

Should I have Mutsumi confront Tomoko when Mutsumi learns of Tomoko's secret?

I figure that would end up being an argument of sorts.

Mutsumi argues that putting Keitaro and Naru together would be helpful to the both of them. Keitaro gets the goal that he was seeking for most of his life and Naru breaks out of her 'all men are perverts' shell and winds up with a good man.

Tomoko would argue that Naru would benefit more with having Keitaro as a close friend and the goals that we have in the beginning if life don't always wind up being the goals we achieve in the end. Or point out that Keitaro technically completed the goal he set out to, being Tokyo University with Naru. Anything else was a bonus.

If anyone has any ideas to improve it on either side, please tell me. I'd like to make an argument that sorta ends on a stalemate for the reader to decide who is right.

But I do plan on putting that meeting off for a few chapters, so take your time.

 

[shioran toushin]

after or before Mutsume comes down from her rather hateable 'naru is my No.1 priority' phase?

 

[DhampyrX2]

Tomoko has a superior argument in that her future is the EXACT one Mutsumi is arguing for and Naru not only didn't improve, but degenerated to the point she KILLED Keitaro. That little fact would shatter even the most rose-colored of glasses for Mutsumi.

 

[chronodekar]

Tomoko has a superior argument in that her future is the EXACT one Mutsumi is arguing for and Naru not only didn't improve, but degenerated to the point she KILLED Keitaro. That little fact would shatter even the most rose-colored of glasses for Mutsumi.

THIS.

-chronodekar

 

[HotelKatz]

Actually, Mutsumi's acting under the belief that she is helping both Keitaro and Naru, shioran toushin. True, learning about Tomoko's secret will alter her actions a bit, probably either by trying to faint less (though she already is doing that from what I remember from the manga), or by trying to set up more scenarios where Naru and Keitaro's feelings increase towards each other.

But to answer your question, the confrontation will happen before, but it may be the catalyst to re-think her actions towards Keitaro and Naru. I just have to do it in a way that doesn't seem May sue-ish for Tomoko, even though I'm going to be doing my best to point out that Tomoko has prevented quite a bit of character growth that would have happened. Ah well, different character growth is starting to happen.

Like with every character of Love Hina, I like and hate them at the same time. But I'm going to have to re-read the manga next week to remember exactly what my position is on Mutsumi. My memory is a bit foggy about it, but I seem to remember thinking that Mutsumi was a bit like Kitsune in terms of getting Naru a bit aggravated towards Keitaro for, but doing it in a far different way from Kitsune's tricks, as well as doing for the reason of somehow getting Keitaro and Naru closer together somehow, and not as often. Like I said, I need to re-read the manga.

I'm going to try to resist repeating what I did in chapter 7 for the other ladies in the Hinata. While the thought of going through the manga and keeping track of how many times the ladies did something wrong towards Keitaro does seem like it be a good idea for a chapter, there are a few reasons why I don't want to do it unless I have a good reason to.

1.) It might take away from chapter 7 if I do a version of it towards Naru, Kitsune, or anyone else.
2.) it got aggravating after awhile.
3.) I am a bit biased and would have a hard time coming up with the other ladies' arguments/defense of their actions. Tomoko more or less blindsided Motoko and overwhelmed her with multiple evidences/points/etc. In retrospect, I think I did a bit of a poor way to do an argument. If I tried it with anyone else, Naru would either lose her cool and start ranting , or do what Kitsune might do. As for what Kitsune might do, she'd either point out what Tomoko is doing, or ask that Tomoko make a list, so that she could make a counter-argument. Or something. I don't think I argue well. The first time I wrote an argument in a piece of fiction, I kept jumping from point to point, barely letting the other side make their point.

 

[HotelKatz]

And I'm going to admit that DhampyrX2 thought up the best possible argument that Tomoko could ever make.

Yes, I actually did not realize that would be able to shut down Mutsumi's side until DhampyrX2 pointed it out.

You sir, deserve three delicious cookies, DhampyrX2.

 

[chronodekar]

If you need a quick (and dirty) recap of canon events, I've found the Love Hina wikia useful. There ARE mistakes in it, but it helps in a pinch.

-chronodekar

 

[HotelKatz]

Yeah, that wiki is a good way to get reminded.

 

[shioran toushin]

yes Mutsumi tought that she was helping 'both' but in reality and as far as this fic goes she is only enabling Naru, while trying to make Keitaro 'agree' with her, thinking that when Naru gets together with Kei everything is going to be fine, suddenly and magically every problem is going to be resolved (or she would at least let go the guilt of 'loosing' Keitaro to Naru in a jan ken pon game between her and Naru and having fulfilled the promise to help her).

 

[HotelKatz]

I tried to make plans for future chapters in the first post. I apologize for it getting lousy near the end, but I was running out of ideas. If anyone has an idea to flesh out the outline of a chapter, please tell me.

Next week, I'm going to start writing chapter 11. I'll post it here when I'm done with it, but I'll only post it on FFN on July 12th.

---

For some reason, shioran toushin, that makes me think that Granny Hina and Mutsumi are birds of a feather or something.

 

[shioran toushin]

technically, only hina is negligent and generally has a sneaky hands off aproach to the situation, and Mutsumi is an enabler who directly orchestrates her 'simple' schemes.
both have good intentions and both fail horribly at that, it's really a miracle showing the Character of keitari that he managed to finally get naru to accept her feelings in the manga, considering the other tentants, mutsumi and Hina's involvement.
it's was a miracle that the manga got past the 'status quo' for the genere, period.

 

[HotelKatz]

They kinda got past part of the status Quo, but not all of it.

A lot of manga and anime use the 'first girl wins' rule. Love Hina still followed that part.

 

[shioran toushin]

actually, for LH was Second Girl wins, because kei met Mutsumi First, then mutsumi met Naru, cue the promise and Mutsumi 'loosing' Keitaro because she bet it with Naru in jan ken pon... all at the tender age of 2-4 years...

 

[MastaofBitches]

actually, for LH was Second Girl wins, because kei met Mutsumi First, then mutsumi met Naru, cue the promise and Mutsumi 'loosing' Keitaro because she bet it with Naru in jan ken pon... all at the tender age of 2-4 years...

However, Naru was the first girl we're introduced to in the Manga.

 

[shioran toushin]

true, true, i'd argue semantics, but it would be useless, Naru was the first girl Shown and the second girl that Kei met chronologicaly.

 

[MastaofBitches]

The rule of "First Girl Wins" is usually applied to the girl that readers/viewers are first introduced too.

 

[NAJ P. Jackson]

Been lurking for a while but had to post to give my thoughts.

What if, by some miracle, Tomoko manage to convince Mutsumi that setting up Naru with Keitaro is a futile effort that Mutsumi decides to go after Keitaro herself. Wouldn't that wreck Tomoko's plan?

It's not really that bad idea come to think of it. Mutsumi doesn't treat Keitaro like the other girls so Tomoko would be hardpressed to find excuse on why she shouldn't be with him. Keitaro doesn't have to hook up with Motoko to prevent his death in the future after all, it's just something Tomoko wanted to happen as perk in changing Keitaro's fate... makes a bit twist in the story at least.

 

[HotelKatz]

Huh.... By taking Naru out of the equation, Tomoko accidentally makes it a free-for-all for Keitaro's heart....

Sounds good, but I would need to do some further planning to avoid the fic getting tangled up in itself.

 

[NAJ P. Jackson]

Now the big question would be with the increase of girls vying for Keitaro's heart would Tomoko herself decide to enter the competition?

Tomoko is roughly the same age as Tsuruko have I got this right?

 

[HotelKatz]

I thought so at first, but I just did the math (earlier on, Tomoko said she was ten or so years older than Motoko) Since Motoko was about 18 at this point, that makes Tomoko about 28 or so...

Huh....

Should I go back and change a few details in chapter one to make Tomoko 25? Or should we continue this situation where Motoko can be considered both older and younger than Tsuruko?

 

[PCHeintz72]

I thought so at first, but I just did the math (earlier on, Tomoko said she was ten or so years older than Motoko) Since Motoko was about 18 at this point, that makes Tomoko about 28 or so...

Huh....

Should I go back and change a few details in chapter one to make Tomoko 25? Or should we continue this situation where Motoko can be considered both older and younger than Tsuruko?

If you want to change it fine, but really I'd read it either way. Considering the stories with him matched up to Haruka and Tsuruko I do not think it too big a deal...

 

[HotelKatz]

I don't think I'll change her age, but I'll probably have Tsuruko tease Tomoko about it.

I'm debating about putting up what I currently have done for chapter 11 at the moment. It isn't much, but I'm having trouble figuring out what would be a good guilt trip for Tsuruko and Tomoko to do, in order to have Motoko a bit more willingly to follow Tomoko's orders

 

[EagleCeres]

it's really a miracle showing the Character of keitari that he managed to finally get naru to accept her feelings in the manga, considering the other tentants, mutsumi and Hina's involvement.
it's was a miracle that the manga got past the 'status quo' for the genere, period.

No miracle there... Kei became Seta2.0 (Seta light or Diet Seta, if you prefer) as of his return from America.

But Naru showed us (thank you Cape Soya arc) that even when she gets exactly what she wants, she still runs away because she's insecure and immature (we all know even Shinobu would have dragged him into her room and made a man out of him by endgame).

Even after being named officially his girlfriend, her attitude still gave the other girls hope for a chance with the New and Improved Kei (Hello Motoko's Ronin Days and Todai in Molmol).

I don't think I'll change her age, but I'll probably have Tsuruko tease Tomoko about it.

I'm debating about putting up what I currently have done for chapter 11 at the moment. It isn't much, but I'm having trouble figuring out what would be a good guilt trip for Tsuruko and Tomoko to do, in order to have Motoko a bit more willingly to follow Tomoko's orders

I for one await the queries about Kei's taste in (Delicious) Christmas Cakes

 

[shioran toushin]

the miracle was on Naru's side... and the whole 'sealing the deal' thing, mainly because of your arguments.
Kei had to become Seta Zero/Light/Diet to becoem more 'attractive' and while everyone else but Naru would have jumped him She still Ran from it, even when Hina, Mutsumi and to a lesser extent Kitsune were all rooting for her and created 'favorable situations' she still was an insecure teasing coward.
the Miracle i mention is both at Akamatsu for going beyond the 'status quo' AKA eternal Handholding level on their relationship and harem antics and Naru for, well making a choice (one who every and anyone else would have taken a looooooong time ago).

OTOH they are not Chrismas Cakes, they are delicious, delicious Honey (because that shit is eternal and it keeps being delicious Honey no matter what you do to it) or wine (because it gets better with age, up to a point and with the correct care)

 

[PCHeintz72]

it's really a miracle showing the Character of keitari that he managed to finally get naru to accept her feelings in the manga, considering the other tentants, mutsumi and Hina's involvement.
it's was a miracle that the manga got past the 'status quo' for the genere, period.

No miracle there... Kei became Seta2.0 (Seta light or Diet Seta, if you prefer) as of his return from America.

But Naru showed us (thank you Cape Soya arc) that even when she gets exactly what she wants, she still runs away because she's insecure and immature (we all know even Shinobu would have dragged him into her room and made a man out of him by endgame).

Even after being named officially his girlfriend, her attitude still gave the other girls hope for a chance with the New and Improved Kei (Hello Motoko's Ronin Days and Todai in Molmol).

I don't think I'll change her age, but I'll probably have Tsuruko tease Tomoko about it.

I'm debating about putting up what I currently have done for chapter 11 at the moment. It isn't much, but I'm having trouble figuring out what would be a good guilt trip for Tsuruko and Tomoko to do, in order to have Motoko a bit more willingly to follow Tomoko's orders

I for one await the queries about Kei's taste in (Delicious) Christmas Cakes

Hmmm... an idea...

A story with the girls interested in him, even making passes and escalating as time goes on, and them never realizing it is due to liking older women...

They may come to realize it later he takes a inexplicable liking to both Tsuruko and Amalla...