Actually, I was suggesting an easier was to have Kitsune think that Tomoko is Tsuruko's illegitimate child from the future, Otherwise, I or someone else would have to change bits and pieces of the dialogue in chapter ten to similar soundings words that make Kitsune believe that that Tomoko is Tsuruko's illegitimate child from the future.
Akamatsuverse Another blade in a second
- Thread starter HotelKatz
- Start date
tomoko being Tsuruko's illegitimate child from Keitaro... who is a 'daddy's girl' and is either attempting to seduce her own father waaaay before her own conception or is paving the way to her own conception (making Kei more receptive to Tsuruko's affection)...
and you know how self-fullfilling prophesies behave...
and you know how self-fullfilling prophesies behave...
I've tried that writing style you suggested, chronodekar, but I keep going back to my usual style. I guess I need to practice more...
Anyways, here is what will be chapter 12.
Anyways, here is what will be chapter 12.
Mutsumi was laying in her bed, staring up at the ceiling. She thought back to during the latter part of dinner.
After Keitaro declared that they weren't going to vote on the matter if Tomoko could stay or not, Naru angrily asked why not.
Keitaro replied that he was the landlord and that it was his decision if there ever was going to be a vote.
Naro had grown a bit more angry at that and claimed that Granny Hina would have let them vote. Kitsune has chimed in to support Naru.
Keitaro's response was a simple one. He wasn't Granny Hina and he was going to do things his own way. Before Naru could respond, Keitaro told her that if she wanted to continue, then they would do so, but not during dinner.
Naru had growled for a little bit before declaring that she was going to go off on a discussion group for a few days and she didn't want anyone following her.
Keitaro's response was a short one. He wished her luck and hoped that she would have a good time.
Naru had quickly said that she would and it would be thanks to not having him around.
Anyone that was paying attention to Keitaro's and and Naru's eyes would have noticed a bit of sorrow in their eyes. Whether it was from what the other person had said or from what they said, it was hard to tell.
In any case, the meal was relatively quiet. Shinobu had put a cover on Tomoko's food to keep it warm and had also saved some of the extra for Tsuruko.
After sighing for a little bit, Mutsumi muttered, “Things were peaceful a few days ago....â€
And with Tsuruko now at the Hinata, the turtle girl almost believed that it was almost going to get worse.
“Myuh!†A friendly voice called out.
“Tama!†Mutsumi cheered as she looked over to her open window.
“Myuh!†Tama replied as he flew in.
“Yes, Naru told Kei-chan about her discussion group, but I wish it had been through a better way...†Mutsumi explained.
“Myuh...†Tama muttered, seemingly a bit depressed.
“Yes, I also wish she would rein in her temper a little bit more, but hopefully everything will work out once they are together...†Mutsumi said.
Tama's response was “MyuhMyuh?â€
“No, I made the choice long ago that they would be happier together and I will no go back on that,†Mutsumi replied, with some annoyance in her voice.
“Myuh...†Tama asked. Tama's eyes seemed to be slightly pleading.
“Yes, I am sure...†Mutsumi answered, though the Hot springs turtle was able to detect some regret anf longing in Mutsumi's voice.
“Myuh Myuh...†Tama replied, as he flew over to his bed in Mutsumi's room. Tama's tone seemed to be of the opinion that Mutsumi was in denial about Keitaro and Naru, no matter what she said.
Not liking how Tama was acting, Mutsumi got out of bed and began to head out of her room, though one of the secret entrances leading to the Hinata.
“Myuh?†Tama asked.
“I'm going to wander around for a little bit, as mother told me to never go to bed angry,†Mutsumi replied, before crawling out of view.
“Myuh...†Tama muttered, shaking his head before going to sleep.
Little did Mutsumi know, Naru was also crawling around the tunnels, but it was to pass the time until she felt sleepy, unknowingly keeping Shinobu awake and scaring her into thinking there was a ghost who kept muttering and claiming that they weren't the guilty ones.
-oOo-
As Su was watching the video of Tsuruko and Tomoko leaving the Hinata's grounds on the large computer screen, she thought she heard the faint footsteps of an intruder.
A smirk crossed her face as she typed a few commands. On a computer screen that was located on the desk, a small window showed Kitsune had snuck in and was behind her.
'Can't punish her because she can't take it.... Might as well have some fun, since she seems very interested in what's on the big screen...' Su thought, as she slipped on a pair of headphones.
She pressed a button, which activated a mostly unused program, one made purely for fun.
-oOo-
Motoko was doing her best to stay quiet as she neared Tomoko's room. Not a moment passed by where Motoko prayed that neither Tama nor Keitaro would pop up to frighten her. She also was praying that she would not be detected by her sister or cousin. She had no idea of the latter's ability to detect her, but the former seemed to have an inhuman ability to detect her at times.
'Why I let Kitsune convince me to do this, I'll never know...' Motoko thought as she reached the corner of the hall where Keitaro's and Tomoko's rooms were. After a few more tense moments, Motoko was within hearing distance of Tomoko and Tsuruko's conversation
The first words that she was able to hear was Tomoko's “...and you and Motoko then should go to this place...â€
“And pray tell why?†Tsuruko's voice asked.
'Yes, why?' Motoko thought, wanting to know as well.
“You do need to get a few more pairs of panties. Perhaps Motoko might be useful in helping you?†Tomoko's voice asked
“I can easily do that by myself.... Unless you're suggesting I use her by asking which one would bring out the best reaction if I showed them to Urashima. That does sound like fun,†Tsuruko's voice answered with a slight giggle.
'That's right.... Sister prefers to wear a fundoshi, instead of panties.... I suppose it is a good thing that Urashima is asleep... Otherwise, he would pass out at the idea of some woman not wearing panties...' Motoko thought.
“Perhaps... Do you think that Motoko might benefit from some advice from how to win Mr. Urashima's heart?†Tomoko's voice asked.
“Maybe.... but From what I've heard, she detests him...†Tsuruko's voice answered.
“Ah, but from what I've seen, she is in love with him, but the fact he is in love with another....†Tomoko's voice replied.
Motoko fought the urge to rush into the room and deny Tomoko's accusation.
“Ah.... So she reacts by trying her best to hate him...†Tsuruko's voice commented.
“Yes.... I find it sad and ignorant on Motoko's part...†Tomoko's voice said in a bit of a sad tone.
“But my brief meeting with Kitsune had her a bit angry at you. Care to explain?†Tsuruko's voice asked, in a way that seemed like she knew the answer.
“I let Mr. Urashima know that I was in his corner and apparently, it's giving him a bit of a backbone. It seems that everyone here is supporting Ms. Narusagawa, though she is acting like a little girl who believes that boys have cooties,†Tomoko's voice muttered with a sigh. “Though even the littlest of children know better than to punch anything that even slightly annoys them...â€
“Even Motoko? So she likes him, but holds back because of Narusagawa?†Tsuruko's voice acked with surprise in her voice.
“Miss Narusagawa is her friend and the two knew each other longer than they knew of Mr. Urashima,†Tomoko's voice replied.
“Ah.... So you want me to try to get Motoko to follow her heart and risk destroying a friendship?†Tsuruko's voice asked, almost accusingly.
“From what I've heard from Tama, Mr. Urashima and Ms. Narusagawa have known each other for about two years and they've barely progressed. Motoko actually competing would either force Naru to admit her feeling or step out. In either case, it would be helpful for everyone involved and end the matter of 'will they or won't they?' Tomoko's voice said with almost a growl.
Motoko wasn't sure what to feel. A part of her wanted to act like she always does, call Keitaro a pervert and deny any feelings for him, but a small, growing part of her wanted to go with Tomoko's suggestion. Motoko hoped it was a part of her that wanted to help Naru and not a part of her that desired Keitaro. She barely registered the part where Tomoko claimed that she could speak with Tama.
“And should Motoko wind up winning Urashima's heart?†Tsuruko's voice asked in a playful manner.
“Then your sister winds up with a good man and the Aoyamas have a rather nice place for a family reunion,†Tomoko's voice replied, in an equally playful tone.
'Ah! That's it! Tomoko is after property! I can accuse her later and Tsuruko will.... will... punish me for eavesdropping...' Motoko thought as her shoulders slumped.
“Is this scheme of yours for mere property?†Tsuruko asked in a manner that was less than pleased.
“No, it isn't. If it seemed that way, it was not my intention and I apologize. I was merely thinking that Granduncle Issun and a few others would like Urashima,†Tomoko quickly answered.
Tsuruko then pointed out that a large number of their family would dislike Keitaro, either because they were like Motoko; or they would wind up in a accident because of Keitaro's clumsiness.
In the hallway, Motoko nodded, believing that either reason that Tsuruko stated was good enough to keep Keitaro away from the Aoyama family.
Then Tomoko suggested something that almost made Motoko storm in and demand that they never suggest something like that ever again.
Then Motoko heard Tsuruko clap her hands together and say that having Motoko both train Keitaro to have better balance and to also get him to be more confident was a wonderful idea.
That made Motoko shake with rage. In her mind, she declared that she would never teach Keitaro anything and that if she was forced to, she would sabotage the whole thing, even if Tsuruko was the one to order her in the first place!
After nodding to herself as if she had the last word, Motoko then began to sneak back to her room.
-oOo-
In Tomoko's room, Tsuruko and Tomoko were looking at the door.
“It was a good thing you were able to detect her. I couldn't tell your aura from hers,†Tsuruko said.
“So can you speak with Tama?†Tsuruko asked.
“Somewhat... I can understand a few simple words, but not much...†Tomoko sheepishly replied as she looked away. “But I suspect that Tama would side with Mutsumi...â€
The pause made Tsuruko curious. So she asked, “What about Mutsumi?â€
“I remember her being a bit of a saint around this time... So I was surprised when she glared at me and tried to defend Naru's actions,†Tomoko replied in a bit of a regretful tone.
“So you thought that she might help you.... But from what you've told me, she seems a bit fanatical about getting Narusagawa and Urashima together...†Tsuruko said as she reached over and grabbed one of Tomoko's shoulders in some attempt to comfort her.
The gesture did not go unnoticed, as after awhile, Tomoko said, “...Thanks...â€
“You are my sister, after all.... Though, I'm not sure if I should consider you still to be my younger sister or my new older sister...†Tsuruko replied with a playful smirk.
“You're incorrigible...†Tomoko muttered.
Deciding to change the topic to a happier one, Tsuruko said, “So what parts of what you said were true?â€
“Just about all of it. At this point of time, I still felt like I was abandoned by you, so try to change that a little bit with my younger self,†Tomoko replied. “When you and my younger self leave to spend the day together, I'll try to ask Urashima if he wants to not have as many accidents. If he accepts, and I suspect he will, I'll tell him that he'll be trained by Motoko.â€
“Won't he be scared enough to refuse your offer?†Tsuruko asked. “And what makes
“Perhaps, but he still considers her a friend. If he refuses or if she fails to help him, then I'll notify you and you can return to take my younger self back for some remedial training. I'll be sure to tell the both of them that little fact,†Tomoko answered with a bit of an evil smirk.
“Ah... Two birds with one stone...†Tsuruko commented. “And I assume you'll stay behind here?â€
After sighing, Tomoko said, “Yes, but I suspect that everyone here would plan to go 'rescue' Motoko, no matter how much I could point out that she was straying from her code of honor.â€
“Will you let me know ahead of time?†Tsuruko asked.
“If I can. They might be able to knock me out and tie me up,†Tomoko said. “Thank the spirits that Kanako isn't here...â€
“Ah.... That's the little sister of Urashima, isn't it?†Tsuruko asked. Tomoko nodded and Tsuruko then added, “Perhaps you could let her know of your secret? She might help you if you can get her to be Urashima's mistress, since the laws prevent her from marrying him.â€
“I doubt my younger self would approve...†Tomoko muttered.
“But how about you? If you went after him, would you ask for Kanako's help in exchange for sharing him with her?†Tsuruko asked, enjoying the shocked look on Tomoko's face.
“I-but-her- en.. Argh!†Tomoko sputtered “You really are incorrigible!â€
Tsuruko merely giggled a little bit in response.
-oOo-
Kitsune was shocked at what she had heard never in a million years would she even had guessed that Tomoko was from the future.
And not only that, but also Tsuruko's illegitimate child! No wonder she was a bit overprotective of Keitaro. He probably was the one who she had a crush on when she was a kid!
'That would explain why her actions seem to drive a wedge in Kei's relationship with Naru. She wants him for herself! But why go and tell Tsuruko that she would have a illegitimate child? Something like that would make Tsuruko go and stop that..... Unless Tomoko is trying to put Tsuruko and Keitaro together because he is her daddy! But then why would she go and put some moves on him when she came her? Then again, I did spot Motoko staring at some hentai. She only destroyed them when she noticed me looking at her, so maybe the Aoyamas are the type to denounce perverted thing in public, but have a very strong desire for them deep down inside?' Kitsune thought. 'Or maybe she doesn't consider him to be her dad yet?'
“Kitsune! Whatcha doing here? You wanna help me test some inventions?†Su asked.
“N-No! Just wanted to... To... See you before I go to bed!†Kitsune quickly answered.
“Oh.... Well, it was nice seeing you...†Su said, before turning her chair back around to look at her computer.
Kitsune was a bit curious. Normally, Su would keep on asking if anyone wanted to help try out a new invention. So her stopping without being bribed was both a relief and a surprised.
“Is everything alright, Su?†Kitsune asked, slowly walking towards the little inventor. No need to set off any traps.
“...Yeah, guess I'm getting sleepy, is all...†Su replied, rubbing her eyes for effect.
“So who are you gonna sleep with tonight? I can walk with you or carry you to them,†Kitsune asked.
“Nah... I'm a big girl and wanna try sleeping on my own,†Su answered, as she was turning off her computers.
“Seriously?†Kitsun asked, tilting her head a bit in curiosity.
“Yup! And if you keep bugging me, I'm gonna assume you wanna be the test subject for one of my untested inventions...†Su muttered, with a slightly unhinged grin.
“Uhmmmm...... I gotta go! Feeling pret-ty tired!†Kitsune quickly said, even yawning for emphasis.
Su watched as Kitsune left. After turning on a computer and then setting up her room for privacy, Su then laid in one of her hammocks and cried herself to sleep, over what her future self had a hand in.
-oOo-
Neither Kitsune nor Su's security systems caught the hidden spy who also watched the video. Unlike Kitsune. they had noticed that the video seemed a bit off and also seemed to avoid talking about Keitaro's fate after a certain point, as if he disappeared.... or worse...
They continued to crawl around the tunnels
After Keitaro declared that they weren't going to vote on the matter if Tomoko could stay or not, Naru angrily asked why not.
Keitaro replied that he was the landlord and that it was his decision if there ever was going to be a vote.
Naro had grown a bit more angry at that and claimed that Granny Hina would have let them vote. Kitsune has chimed in to support Naru.
Keitaro's response was a simple one. He wasn't Granny Hina and he was going to do things his own way. Before Naru could respond, Keitaro told her that if she wanted to continue, then they would do so, but not during dinner.
Naru had growled for a little bit before declaring that she was going to go off on a discussion group for a few days and she didn't want anyone following her.
Keitaro's response was a short one. He wished her luck and hoped that she would have a good time.
Naru had quickly said that she would and it would be thanks to not having him around.
Anyone that was paying attention to Keitaro's and and Naru's eyes would have noticed a bit of sorrow in their eyes. Whether it was from what the other person had said or from what they said, it was hard to tell.
In any case, the meal was relatively quiet. Shinobu had put a cover on Tomoko's food to keep it warm and had also saved some of the extra for Tsuruko.
After sighing for a little bit, Mutsumi muttered, “Things were peaceful a few days ago....â€
And with Tsuruko now at the Hinata, the turtle girl almost believed that it was almost going to get worse.
“Myuh!†A friendly voice called out.
“Tama!†Mutsumi cheered as she looked over to her open window.
“Myuh!†Tama replied as he flew in.
“Yes, Naru told Kei-chan about her discussion group, but I wish it had been through a better way...†Mutsumi explained.
“Myuh...†Tama muttered, seemingly a bit depressed.
“Yes, I also wish she would rein in her temper a little bit more, but hopefully everything will work out once they are together...†Mutsumi said.
Tama's response was “MyuhMyuh?â€
“No, I made the choice long ago that they would be happier together and I will no go back on that,†Mutsumi replied, with some annoyance in her voice.
“Myuh...†Tama asked. Tama's eyes seemed to be slightly pleading.
“Yes, I am sure...†Mutsumi answered, though the Hot springs turtle was able to detect some regret anf longing in Mutsumi's voice.
“Myuh Myuh...†Tama replied, as he flew over to his bed in Mutsumi's room. Tama's tone seemed to be of the opinion that Mutsumi was in denial about Keitaro and Naru, no matter what she said.
Not liking how Tama was acting, Mutsumi got out of bed and began to head out of her room, though one of the secret entrances leading to the Hinata.
“Myuh?†Tama asked.
“I'm going to wander around for a little bit, as mother told me to never go to bed angry,†Mutsumi replied, before crawling out of view.
“Myuh...†Tama muttered, shaking his head before going to sleep.
Little did Mutsumi know, Naru was also crawling around the tunnels, but it was to pass the time until she felt sleepy, unknowingly keeping Shinobu awake and scaring her into thinking there was a ghost who kept muttering and claiming that they weren't the guilty ones.
-oOo-
As Su was watching the video of Tsuruko and Tomoko leaving the Hinata's grounds on the large computer screen, she thought she heard the faint footsteps of an intruder.
A smirk crossed her face as she typed a few commands. On a computer screen that was located on the desk, a small window showed Kitsune had snuck in and was behind her.
'Can't punish her because she can't take it.... Might as well have some fun, since she seems very interested in what's on the big screen...' Su thought, as she slipped on a pair of headphones.
She pressed a button, which activated a mostly unused program, one made purely for fun.
-oOo-
Motoko was doing her best to stay quiet as she neared Tomoko's room. Not a moment passed by where Motoko prayed that neither Tama nor Keitaro would pop up to frighten her. She also was praying that she would not be detected by her sister or cousin. She had no idea of the latter's ability to detect her, but the former seemed to have an inhuman ability to detect her at times.
'Why I let Kitsune convince me to do this, I'll never know...' Motoko thought as she reached the corner of the hall where Keitaro's and Tomoko's rooms were. After a few more tense moments, Motoko was within hearing distance of Tomoko and Tsuruko's conversation
The first words that she was able to hear was Tomoko's “...and you and Motoko then should go to this place...â€
“And pray tell why?†Tsuruko's voice asked.
'Yes, why?' Motoko thought, wanting to know as well.
“You do need to get a few more pairs of panties. Perhaps Motoko might be useful in helping you?†Tomoko's voice asked
“I can easily do that by myself.... Unless you're suggesting I use her by asking which one would bring out the best reaction if I showed them to Urashima. That does sound like fun,†Tsuruko's voice answered with a slight giggle.
'That's right.... Sister prefers to wear a fundoshi, instead of panties.... I suppose it is a good thing that Urashima is asleep... Otherwise, he would pass out at the idea of some woman not wearing panties...' Motoko thought.
“Perhaps... Do you think that Motoko might benefit from some advice from how to win Mr. Urashima's heart?†Tomoko's voice asked.
“Maybe.... but From what I've heard, she detests him...†Tsuruko's voice answered.
“Ah, but from what I've seen, she is in love with him, but the fact he is in love with another....†Tomoko's voice replied.
Motoko fought the urge to rush into the room and deny Tomoko's accusation.
“Ah.... So she reacts by trying her best to hate him...†Tsuruko's voice commented.
“Yes.... I find it sad and ignorant on Motoko's part...†Tomoko's voice said in a bit of a sad tone.
“But my brief meeting with Kitsune had her a bit angry at you. Care to explain?†Tsuruko's voice asked, in a way that seemed like she knew the answer.
“I let Mr. Urashima know that I was in his corner and apparently, it's giving him a bit of a backbone. It seems that everyone here is supporting Ms. Narusagawa, though she is acting like a little girl who believes that boys have cooties,†Tomoko's voice muttered with a sigh. “Though even the littlest of children know better than to punch anything that even slightly annoys them...â€
“Even Motoko? So she likes him, but holds back because of Narusagawa?†Tsuruko's voice acked with surprise in her voice.
“Miss Narusagawa is her friend and the two knew each other longer than they knew of Mr. Urashima,†Tomoko's voice replied.
“Ah.... So you want me to try to get Motoko to follow her heart and risk destroying a friendship?†Tsuruko's voice asked, almost accusingly.
“From what I've heard from Tama, Mr. Urashima and Ms. Narusagawa have known each other for about two years and they've barely progressed. Motoko actually competing would either force Naru to admit her feeling or step out. In either case, it would be helpful for everyone involved and end the matter of 'will they or won't they?' Tomoko's voice said with almost a growl.
Motoko wasn't sure what to feel. A part of her wanted to act like she always does, call Keitaro a pervert and deny any feelings for him, but a small, growing part of her wanted to go with Tomoko's suggestion. Motoko hoped it was a part of her that wanted to help Naru and not a part of her that desired Keitaro. She barely registered the part where Tomoko claimed that she could speak with Tama.
“And should Motoko wind up winning Urashima's heart?†Tsuruko's voice asked in a playful manner.
“Then your sister winds up with a good man and the Aoyamas have a rather nice place for a family reunion,†Tomoko's voice replied, in an equally playful tone.
'Ah! That's it! Tomoko is after property! I can accuse her later and Tsuruko will.... will... punish me for eavesdropping...' Motoko thought as her shoulders slumped.
“Is this scheme of yours for mere property?†Tsuruko asked in a manner that was less than pleased.
“No, it isn't. If it seemed that way, it was not my intention and I apologize. I was merely thinking that Granduncle Issun and a few others would like Urashima,†Tomoko quickly answered.
Tsuruko then pointed out that a large number of their family would dislike Keitaro, either because they were like Motoko; or they would wind up in a accident because of Keitaro's clumsiness.
In the hallway, Motoko nodded, believing that either reason that Tsuruko stated was good enough to keep Keitaro away from the Aoyama family.
Then Tomoko suggested something that almost made Motoko storm in and demand that they never suggest something like that ever again.
Then Motoko heard Tsuruko clap her hands together and say that having Motoko both train Keitaro to have better balance and to also get him to be more confident was a wonderful idea.
That made Motoko shake with rage. In her mind, she declared that she would never teach Keitaro anything and that if she was forced to, she would sabotage the whole thing, even if Tsuruko was the one to order her in the first place!
After nodding to herself as if she had the last word, Motoko then began to sneak back to her room.
-oOo-
In Tomoko's room, Tsuruko and Tomoko were looking at the door.
“It was a good thing you were able to detect her. I couldn't tell your aura from hers,†Tsuruko said.
“So can you speak with Tama?†Tsuruko asked.
“Somewhat... I can understand a few simple words, but not much...†Tomoko sheepishly replied as she looked away. “But I suspect that Tama would side with Mutsumi...â€
The pause made Tsuruko curious. So she asked, “What about Mutsumi?â€
“I remember her being a bit of a saint around this time... So I was surprised when she glared at me and tried to defend Naru's actions,†Tomoko replied in a bit of a regretful tone.
“So you thought that she might help you.... But from what you've told me, she seems a bit fanatical about getting Narusagawa and Urashima together...†Tsuruko said as she reached over and grabbed one of Tomoko's shoulders in some attempt to comfort her.
The gesture did not go unnoticed, as after awhile, Tomoko said, “...Thanks...â€
“You are my sister, after all.... Though, I'm not sure if I should consider you still to be my younger sister or my new older sister...†Tsuruko replied with a playful smirk.
“You're incorrigible...†Tomoko muttered.
Deciding to change the topic to a happier one, Tsuruko said, “So what parts of what you said were true?â€
“Just about all of it. At this point of time, I still felt like I was abandoned by you, so try to change that a little bit with my younger self,†Tomoko replied. “When you and my younger self leave to spend the day together, I'll try to ask Urashima if he wants to not have as many accidents. If he accepts, and I suspect he will, I'll tell him that he'll be trained by Motoko.â€
“Won't he be scared enough to refuse your offer?†Tsuruko asked. “And what makes
“Perhaps, but he still considers her a friend. If he refuses or if she fails to help him, then I'll notify you and you can return to take my younger self back for some remedial training. I'll be sure to tell the both of them that little fact,†Tomoko answered with a bit of an evil smirk.
“Ah... Two birds with one stone...†Tsuruko commented. “And I assume you'll stay behind here?â€
After sighing, Tomoko said, “Yes, but I suspect that everyone here would plan to go 'rescue' Motoko, no matter how much I could point out that she was straying from her code of honor.â€
“Will you let me know ahead of time?†Tsuruko asked.
“If I can. They might be able to knock me out and tie me up,†Tomoko said. “Thank the spirits that Kanako isn't here...â€
“Ah.... That's the little sister of Urashima, isn't it?†Tsuruko asked. Tomoko nodded and Tsuruko then added, “Perhaps you could let her know of your secret? She might help you if you can get her to be Urashima's mistress, since the laws prevent her from marrying him.â€
“I doubt my younger self would approve...†Tomoko muttered.
“But how about you? If you went after him, would you ask for Kanako's help in exchange for sharing him with her?†Tsuruko asked, enjoying the shocked look on Tomoko's face.
“I-but-her- en.. Argh!†Tomoko sputtered “You really are incorrigible!â€
Tsuruko merely giggled a little bit in response.
-oOo-
Kitsune was shocked at what she had heard never in a million years would she even had guessed that Tomoko was from the future.
And not only that, but also Tsuruko's illegitimate child! No wonder she was a bit overprotective of Keitaro. He probably was the one who she had a crush on when she was a kid!
'That would explain why her actions seem to drive a wedge in Kei's relationship with Naru. She wants him for herself! But why go and tell Tsuruko that she would have a illegitimate child? Something like that would make Tsuruko go and stop that..... Unless Tomoko is trying to put Tsuruko and Keitaro together because he is her daddy! But then why would she go and put some moves on him when she came her? Then again, I did spot Motoko staring at some hentai. She only destroyed them when she noticed me looking at her, so maybe the Aoyamas are the type to denounce perverted thing in public, but have a very strong desire for them deep down inside?' Kitsune thought. 'Or maybe she doesn't consider him to be her dad yet?'
“Kitsune! Whatcha doing here? You wanna help me test some inventions?†Su asked.
“N-No! Just wanted to... To... See you before I go to bed!†Kitsune quickly answered.
“Oh.... Well, it was nice seeing you...†Su said, before turning her chair back around to look at her computer.
Kitsune was a bit curious. Normally, Su would keep on asking if anyone wanted to help try out a new invention. So her stopping without being bribed was both a relief and a surprised.
“Is everything alright, Su?†Kitsune asked, slowly walking towards the little inventor. No need to set off any traps.
“...Yeah, guess I'm getting sleepy, is all...†Su replied, rubbing her eyes for effect.
“So who are you gonna sleep with tonight? I can walk with you or carry you to them,†Kitsune asked.
“Nah... I'm a big girl and wanna try sleeping on my own,†Su answered, as she was turning off her computers.
“Seriously?†Kitsun asked, tilting her head a bit in curiosity.
“Yup! And if you keep bugging me, I'm gonna assume you wanna be the test subject for one of my untested inventions...†Su muttered, with a slightly unhinged grin.
“Uhmmmm...... I gotta go! Feeling pret-ty tired!†Kitsune quickly said, even yawning for emphasis.
Su watched as Kitsune left. After turning on a computer and then setting up her room for privacy, Su then laid in one of her hammocks and cried herself to sleep, over what her future self had a hand in.
-oOo-
Neither Kitsune nor Su's security systems caught the hidden spy who also watched the video. Unlike Kitsune. they had noticed that the video seemed a bit off and also seemed to avoid talking about Keitaro's fate after a certain point, as if he disappeared.... or worse...
They continued to crawl around the tunnels
Try listening to a few audio books. That gets my vocabulary up. I find myself torrenting them on occasion...
My suggestions in this color.
-chronodekar
My suggestions in this color.
Mutsumi was lying in her bed, staring up at the ceiling. She thought back to during the latter part of dinner.
[[]]After Keitaro declared that they weren't going to vote on the matter if Tomoko could stay or not, Naru angrily asked why not.Keitaro replied that he was the landlord and that it was his decision if there ever was going to be a vote.Naro had grown a bit more angry at that and claimed that Granny Hina would have let them vote. Kitsune has chimed in to support Naru.
Keitaro's response was a simple one. He wasn't Granny Hina and he was going to do things his own way. Before Naru could respond, Keitaro told her that if she wanted to continue, then they would do so, but not during dinner.Naru had growled for a little bit before declaring that she was going to go off on a discussion group for a few days and she didn't want anyone following her.Keitaro's response was a short one. He wished her luck and hoped that she would have a good time.
Naru had quickly said that she would and it would be thanks to not having him around.Anyone that was paying attention to Keitaro's and and Naru's eyes would have noticed a bit of sorrow in their eyes. Whether it was from what the other person had said or from what they said, it was hard to tell.[[]]
The above marked section - convert it to a few paragraphs as shown. Removing the newlines would make things nice, IMO.
In any case, the meal was relatively quiet. Shinobu had put a cover on Tomoko's food to keep it warm and had also saved some of the extra for Tsuruko.
After sighing for a little bit, Mutsumi muttered, “Things were peaceful a few days ago....â€
And with Tsuruko now at the Hinata, the turtle girl almost believed that it was almost going to get worse.
“Myuh!†A friendly voice called out.
“Tama!†Mutsumi cheered as she looked over to her open window.
“Myuh!†Tama replied as he flew in.
“Yes, Naru told Kei-chan about her discussion group, but I wish it had been through a better way...†Mutsumi explained.
“Myuh...†Tama muttered, seemingly a bit depressed.
“Yes, I also wish she would rein in her temper a little bit more, but hopefully everything will work out once they are together...†Mutsumi said.
Tama's response was “MyuhMyuh?â€
“No, I made the choice long ago that they would be happier together and I will no go back on that,†Mutsumi replied, with some annoyance in her voice.
“Myuh...†Tama asked. Tama's eyes seemed to be slightly pleading.
“Yes, I am sure...†Mutsumi answered, though the Hot springs turtle was able to detect some regret anf longing in Mutsumi's voice.
“Myuh Myuh...†Tama replied, as he flew over to his bed in Mutsumi's room. Tama's tone seemed to be of the opinion that Mutsumi was in denial about Keitaro and Naru, no matter what she said.
Not liking how Tama was acting, Mutsumi got out of bed and began to head out of her room, though one of the secret entrances leading to the Hinata.
“Myuh?†Tama asked.
“I'm going to wander around for a little bit, as mother told me to never go to bed angry,†Mutsumi replied, before crawling out of view.
“Myuh...†Tama muttered, shaking his head before going to sleep.
Little did Mutsumi know, Naru was also crawling around the tunnels, but it was to pass the time until she felt sleepy, unknowingly keeping Shinobu awake and scaring her into thinking there was a ghost who kept muttering and claiming that they weren't the guilty ones.
-oOo-
As Su was watching the video of Tsuruko and Tomoko leaving the Hinata's grounds on the large computer screen, she thought she heard the faint footsteps of an intruder.A smirk crossed her face as she typed a few commands. On a computer screen that was located on the desk, a small window showed Kitsune had snuck in and was behind her.
'Can't punish her because she can't take it.... Might as well have some fun, since she seems very interested in what's on the big screen...' Su thought, as she slipped on a pair of headphones.She pressed a button, which activated a mostly unused program, one made purely for fun.
Paragraph issues.
-oOo-
Motoko was doing her best to stay quiet as she neared Tomoko's room. Not a moment passed by where Motoko prayed that neither Tama nor Keitaro would pop up to frighten her. She also was praying that she would not be detected by her sister or cousin. She had no idea of the latter's ability to detect her, but the former seemed to have an inhuman ability to detect her at times.
'Why I let Kitsune convince me to do this, I'll never know...' Motoko thought as she reached the corner of the hall where Keitaro's and Tomoko's rooms were. After a few more tense moments, Motoko was within hearing distance of Tomoko and Tsuruko's conversation
The first words that she was able to hear was Tomoko's “...and you and Motoko then should go to this place...â€
“And pray tell why?†Tsuruko's voice asked.
'Yes, why?' Motoko thought, wanting to know as well.
“You do need to get a few more pairs of panties. Perhaps Motoko might be useful in helping you?†Tomoko's voice asked
“I can easily do that by myself.... Unless you're suggesting I use her by asking which one would bring out the best reaction if I showed them to Urashima. That does sound like fun,†Tsuruko's voice answered with a slight giggle.
'That's right.... Sister prefers to wear a fundoshi, instead of panties.... I suppose it is a good thing that Urashima is asleep... Otherwise, he would pass out at the idea of some woman not wearing panties...' Motoko thought.
“Perhaps... Do you think that Motoko might benefit from some advice from how to win Mr. Urashima's heart?†Tomoko's voice asked.
“Maybe.... but From what I've heard, she detests him...†Tsuruko's voice answered.
“Ah, but from what I've seen, she is in love with him, but the fact he is in love with another....†Tomoko's voice replied.
Motoko fought the urge to rush into the room and deny Tomoko's accusation.
“Ah.... So she reacts by trying her best to hate him...†Tsuruko's voice commented.
“Yes.... I find it sad and ignorant on Motoko's part...†Tomoko's voice said in a bit of a sad tone.
“But my brief meeting with Kitsune had her a bit angry at you. Care to explain?†Tsuruko's voice asked, in a way that seemed like she knew the answer.
“I let Mr. Urashima know that I was in his corner and apparently, it's giving him a bit of a backbone. It seems that everyone here is supporting Ms. Narusagawa, though she is acting like a little girl who believes that boys have cooties,†Tomoko's voice muttered with a sigh. “Though even the littlest of children know better than to punch anything that even slightly annoys them...â€
“Even Motoko? So she likes him, but holds back because of Narusagawa?†Tsuruko's voice acked with surprise in her voice.
“Miss Narusagawa is her friend and the two knew each other longer than they knew of Mr. Urashima,†Tomoko's voice replied.
“Ah.... So you want me to try to get Motoko to follow her heart and risk destroying a friendship?†Tsuruko's voice asked, almost accusingly.
“From what I've heard from Tama, Mr. Urashima and Ms. Narusagawa have known each other for about two years and they've barely progressed. Motoko actually competing would either force Naru to admit her feeling or step out. In either case, it would be helpful for everyone involved and end the matter of 'will they or won't they?' Tomoko's voice said with almost a growl.
Motoko wasn't sure what to feel. A part of her wanted to act like she always does, call Keitaro a pervert and deny any feelings for him, but a small, growing part of her wanted to go with Tomoko's suggestion. Motoko hoped it was a part of her that wanted to help Naru and not a part of her that desired Keitaro. She barely registered the part where Tomoko claimed that she could speak with Tama.
“And should Motoko wind up winning Urashima's heart?†Tsuruko's voice asked in a playful manner.
“Then your sister winds up with a good man and the Aoyamas have a rather nice place for a family reunion,†Tomoko's voice replied, in an equally playful tone.
'Ah! That's it! Tomoko is after property! I can accuse her later and Tsuruko will.... will... punish me for eavesdropping...' Motoko thought as her shoulders slumped.
“Is this scheme of yours for mere property?†Tsuruko asked in a manner that was less than pleased.
“No, it isn't. If it seemed that way, it was not my intention and I apologize. I was merely thinking that Granduncle Issun and a few others would like Urashima,†Tomoko quickly answered.
Tsuruko then pointed out that a large number of their family would dislike Keitaro, either because they were like Motoko; or they would wind up in a accident because of Keitaro's clumsiness. In the hallway, Motoko nodded, believing that either reason that Tsuruko stated was good enough to keep Keitaro away from the Aoyama family.
Then Tomoko suggested something that almost made Motoko storm in and demand that they never suggest something like that ever again. Then Motoko heard Tsuruko clap her hands together and say that having Motoko both train Keitaro to have better balance and to also get him to be more confident was a wonderful idea.
That made Motoko shake with rage. In her mind, she declared that she would never teach Keitaro anything and that if she was forced to, she would sabotage the whole thing, even if Tsuruko was the one to order her in the first place!
After nodding to herself as if she had the last word, Motoko then began to sneak back to her room.
Paragraph again.
-oOo-
In Tomoko's room, Tsuruko and Tomoko were looking at the door.
“It was a good thing you were able to detect her. I couldn't tell your aura from hers,†Tsuruko said.
“So can you speak with Tama?†Tsuruko asked.
“Somewhat... I can understand a few simple words, but not much...†Tomoko sheepishly replied as she looked away. “But I suspect that Tama would side with Mutsumi...â€
The pause made Tsuruko curious. So she asked, “What about Mutsumi?â€
“I remember her being a bit of a saint around this time... So I was surprised when she glared at me and tried to defend Naru's actions,†Tomoko replied in a bit of a regretful tone.
“So you thought that she might help you.... But from what you've told me, she seems a bit fanatical about getting Narusagawa and Urashima together...†Tsuruko said as she reached over and grabbed one of Tomoko's shoulders in some attempt to comfort her.
The gesture did not go unnoticed, as after awhile, Tomoko said, “...Thanks...â€
“You are my sister, after all.... Though, I'm not sure if I should consider you still to be my younger sister or my new older sister...†Tsuruko replied with a playful smirk.
“You're incorrigible...†Tomoko muttered.
Deciding to change the topic to a happier one, Tsuruko said, “So what parts of what you said were true?â€
“Just about all of it. At this point of time, I still felt like I was abandoned by you, so try to change that a little bit with my younger self,†Tomoko replied. “When you and my younger self leave to spend the day together, I'll try to ask Urashima if he wants to not have as many accidents. If he accepts, and I suspect he will, I'll tell him that he'll be trained by Motoko.â€
“Won't he be scared enough to refuse your offer?†Tsuruko asked. “And what makes
“Perhaps, but he still considers her a friend. If he refuses or if she fails to help him, then I'll notify you and you can return to take my younger self back for some remedial training. I'll be sure to tell the both of them that little fact,†Tomoko answered with a bit of an evil smirk.
“Ah... Two birds with one stone...†Tsuruko commented. “And I assume you'll stay behind here?â€
After sighing, Tomoko said, “Yes, but I suspect that everyone here would plan to go 'rescue' Motoko, no matter how much I could point out that she was straying from her code of honor.â€
“Will you let me know ahead of time?†Tsuruko asked.
“If I can. They might be able to knock me out and tie me up,†Tomoko said. “Thank the spirits that Kanako isn't here...â€
“Ah.... That's the little sister of Urashima, isn't it?†Tsuruko asked. Tomoko nodded and Tsuruko then added, “Perhaps you could let her know of your secret? She might help you if you can get her to be Urashima's mistress, since the laws prevent her from marrying him.â€
“I doubt my younger self would approve...†Tomoko muttered.
“But how about you? If you went after him, would you ask for Kanako's help in exchange for sharing him with her?†Tsuruko asked, enjoying the shocked look on Tomoko's face.
“I-but-her- en.. Argh!†Tomoko sputtered “You really are incorrigible!â€
Tsuruko merely giggled a little bit in response.
-oOo-
Kitsune was shocked at what she had heard never in a million years would she even had guessed that Tomoko was from the future.
And not only that, but also Tsuruko's illegitimate child! No wonder she was a bit overprotective of Keitaro. He probably was the one who she had a crush on when she was a kid!
'That would explain why her actions seem to drive a wedge in Kei's relationship with Naru. She wants him for herself! But why go and tell Tsuruko that she would have a illegitimate child? Something like that would make Tsuruko go and stop that..... Unless Tomoko is trying to put Tsuruko and Keitaro together because he is her daddy! But then why would she go and put some moves on him when she came her? Then again, I did spot Motoko staring at some hentai. She only destroyed them when she noticed me looking at her, so maybe the Aoyamas are the type to denounce perverted thing in public, but have a very strong desire for them deep down inside?' Kitsune thought. 'Or maybe she doesn't consider him to be her dad yet?'
“Kitsune! Whatcha doing here? You wanna help me test some inventions?†Su asked.
“N-No! Just wanted to... To... See you before I go to bed!†Kitsune quickly answered.
“Oh.... Well, it was nice seeing you...†Su said, before turning her chair back around to look at her computer.
Kitsune was a bit curious. Normally, Su would keep on asking if anyone wanted to help try out a new invention. So her stopping without being bribed was both a relief and a surprised.
“Is everything alright, Su?†Kitsune asked, slowly walking towards the little inventor. No need to set off any traps.
“...Yeah, guess I'm getting sleepy, is all...†Su replied, rubbing her eyes for effect.
“So who are you gonna sleep with tonight? I can walk with you or carry you to them,†Kitsune asked.
“Nah... I'm a big girl and wanna try sleeping on my own,†Su answered, as she was turning off her computers.
“Seriously?†Kitsun asked, tilting her head a bit in curiosity.
“Yup! And if you keep bugging me, I'm gonna assume you wanna be the test subject for one of my untested inventions...†Su muttered, with a slightly unhinged grin.
“Uhmmmm...... I gotta go! Feeling pret-ty tired!†Kitsune quickly said, even yawning for emphasis.
Su watched as Kitsune left. After turning on a computer and then setting up her room for privacy, Su then laid in one of her hammocks and cried herself to sleep, over what her future self had a hand in.
-oOo-
Neither Kitsune nor Su's security systems caught the hidden spy (spy or spies? The latter dialog makes me think at least 2 evesdroppers were present) who also watched the video. Unlike Kitsune. they had noticed that the video seemed a bit off and also seemed to avoid talking about Keitaro's fate after a certain point, as if he disappeared.... or worse...
They continued to crawl around the tunnels
[[]]After Keitaro declared that they weren't going to vote on the matter if Tomoko could stay or not, Naru angrily asked why not.Keitaro replied that he was the landlord and that it was his decision if there ever was going to be a vote.Naro had grown a bit more angry at that and claimed that Granny Hina would have let them vote. Kitsune has chimed in to support Naru.
Keitaro's response was a simple one. He wasn't Granny Hina and he was going to do things his own way. Before Naru could respond, Keitaro told her that if she wanted to continue, then they would do so, but not during dinner.Naru had growled for a little bit before declaring that she was going to go off on a discussion group for a few days and she didn't want anyone following her.Keitaro's response was a short one. He wished her luck and hoped that she would have a good time.
Naru had quickly said that she would and it would be thanks to not having him around.Anyone that was paying attention to Keitaro's and and Naru's eyes would have noticed a bit of sorrow in their eyes. Whether it was from what the other person had said or from what they said, it was hard to tell.[[]]
The above marked section - convert it to a few paragraphs as shown. Removing the newlines would make things nice, IMO.
In any case, the meal was relatively quiet. Shinobu had put a cover on Tomoko's food to keep it warm and had also saved some of the extra for Tsuruko.
After sighing for a little bit, Mutsumi muttered, “Things were peaceful a few days ago....â€
And with Tsuruko now at the Hinata, the turtle girl almost believed that it was almost going to get worse.
“Myuh!†A friendly voice called out.
“Tama!†Mutsumi cheered as she looked over to her open window.
“Myuh!†Tama replied as he flew in.
“Yes, Naru told Kei-chan about her discussion group, but I wish it had been through a better way...†Mutsumi explained.
“Myuh...†Tama muttered, seemingly a bit depressed.
“Yes, I also wish she would rein in her temper a little bit more, but hopefully everything will work out once they are together...†Mutsumi said.
Tama's response was “MyuhMyuh?â€
“No, I made the choice long ago that they would be happier together and I will no go back on that,†Mutsumi replied, with some annoyance in her voice.
“Myuh...†Tama asked. Tama's eyes seemed to be slightly pleading.
“Yes, I am sure...†Mutsumi answered, though the Hot springs turtle was able to detect some regret anf longing in Mutsumi's voice.
“Myuh Myuh...†Tama replied, as he flew over to his bed in Mutsumi's room. Tama's tone seemed to be of the opinion that Mutsumi was in denial about Keitaro and Naru, no matter what she said.
Not liking how Tama was acting, Mutsumi got out of bed and began to head out of her room, though one of the secret entrances leading to the Hinata.
“Myuh?†Tama asked.
“I'm going to wander around for a little bit, as mother told me to never go to bed angry,†Mutsumi replied, before crawling out of view.
“Myuh...†Tama muttered, shaking his head before going to sleep.
Little did Mutsumi know, Naru was also crawling around the tunnels, but it was to pass the time until she felt sleepy, unknowingly keeping Shinobu awake and scaring her into thinking there was a ghost who kept muttering and claiming that they weren't the guilty ones.
-oOo-
As Su was watching the video of Tsuruko and Tomoko leaving the Hinata's grounds on the large computer screen, she thought she heard the faint footsteps of an intruder.A smirk crossed her face as she typed a few commands. On a computer screen that was located on the desk, a small window showed Kitsune had snuck in and was behind her.
'Can't punish her because she can't take it.... Might as well have some fun, since she seems very interested in what's on the big screen...' Su thought, as she slipped on a pair of headphones.She pressed a button, which activated a mostly unused program, one made purely for fun.
Paragraph issues.
-oOo-
Motoko was doing her best to stay quiet as she neared Tomoko's room. Not a moment passed by where Motoko prayed that neither Tama nor Keitaro would pop up to frighten her. She also was praying that she would not be detected by her sister or cousin. She had no idea of the latter's ability to detect her, but the former seemed to have an inhuman ability to detect her at times.
'Why I let Kitsune convince me to do this, I'll never know...' Motoko thought as she reached the corner of the hall where Keitaro's and Tomoko's rooms were. After a few more tense moments, Motoko was within hearing distance of Tomoko and Tsuruko's conversation
The first words that she was able to hear was Tomoko's “...and you and Motoko then should go to this place...â€
“And pray tell why?†Tsuruko's voice asked.
'Yes, why?' Motoko thought, wanting to know as well.
“You do need to get a few more pairs of panties. Perhaps Motoko might be useful in helping you?†Tomoko's voice asked
“I can easily do that by myself.... Unless you're suggesting I use her by asking which one would bring out the best reaction if I showed them to Urashima. That does sound like fun,†Tsuruko's voice answered with a slight giggle.
'That's right.... Sister prefers to wear a fundoshi, instead of panties.... I suppose it is a good thing that Urashima is asleep... Otherwise, he would pass out at the idea of some woman not wearing panties...' Motoko thought.
“Perhaps... Do you think that Motoko might benefit from some advice from how to win Mr. Urashima's heart?†Tomoko's voice asked.
“Maybe.... but From what I've heard, she detests him...†Tsuruko's voice answered.
“Ah, but from what I've seen, she is in love with him, but the fact he is in love with another....†Tomoko's voice replied.
Motoko fought the urge to rush into the room and deny Tomoko's accusation.
“Ah.... So she reacts by trying her best to hate him...†Tsuruko's voice commented.
“Yes.... I find it sad and ignorant on Motoko's part...†Tomoko's voice said in a bit of a sad tone.
“But my brief meeting with Kitsune had her a bit angry at you. Care to explain?†Tsuruko's voice asked, in a way that seemed like she knew the answer.
“I let Mr. Urashima know that I was in his corner and apparently, it's giving him a bit of a backbone. It seems that everyone here is supporting Ms. Narusagawa, though she is acting like a little girl who believes that boys have cooties,†Tomoko's voice muttered with a sigh. “Though even the littlest of children know better than to punch anything that even slightly annoys them...â€
“Even Motoko? So she likes him, but holds back because of Narusagawa?†Tsuruko's voice acked with surprise in her voice.
“Miss Narusagawa is her friend and the two knew each other longer than they knew of Mr. Urashima,†Tomoko's voice replied.
“Ah.... So you want me to try to get Motoko to follow her heart and risk destroying a friendship?†Tsuruko's voice asked, almost accusingly.
“From what I've heard from Tama, Mr. Urashima and Ms. Narusagawa have known each other for about two years and they've barely progressed. Motoko actually competing would either force Naru to admit her feeling or step out. In either case, it would be helpful for everyone involved and end the matter of 'will they or won't they?' Tomoko's voice said with almost a growl.
Motoko wasn't sure what to feel. A part of her wanted to act like she always does, call Keitaro a pervert and deny any feelings for him, but a small, growing part of her wanted to go with Tomoko's suggestion. Motoko hoped it was a part of her that wanted to help Naru and not a part of her that desired Keitaro. She barely registered the part where Tomoko claimed that she could speak with Tama.
“And should Motoko wind up winning Urashima's heart?†Tsuruko's voice asked in a playful manner.
“Then your sister winds up with a good man and the Aoyamas have a rather nice place for a family reunion,†Tomoko's voice replied, in an equally playful tone.
'Ah! That's it! Tomoko is after property! I can accuse her later and Tsuruko will.... will... punish me for eavesdropping...' Motoko thought as her shoulders slumped.
“Is this scheme of yours for mere property?†Tsuruko asked in a manner that was less than pleased.
“No, it isn't. If it seemed that way, it was not my intention and I apologize. I was merely thinking that Granduncle Issun and a few others would like Urashima,†Tomoko quickly answered.
Tsuruko then pointed out that a large number of their family would dislike Keitaro, either because they were like Motoko; or they would wind up in a accident because of Keitaro's clumsiness. In the hallway, Motoko nodded, believing that either reason that Tsuruko stated was good enough to keep Keitaro away from the Aoyama family.
Then Tomoko suggested something that almost made Motoko storm in and demand that they never suggest something like that ever again. Then Motoko heard Tsuruko clap her hands together and say that having Motoko both train Keitaro to have better balance and to also get him to be more confident was a wonderful idea.
That made Motoko shake with rage. In her mind, she declared that she would never teach Keitaro anything and that if she was forced to, she would sabotage the whole thing, even if Tsuruko was the one to order her in the first place!
After nodding to herself as if she had the last word, Motoko then began to sneak back to her room.
Paragraph again.
-oOo-
In Tomoko's room, Tsuruko and Tomoko were looking at the door.
“It was a good thing you were able to detect her. I couldn't tell your aura from hers,†Tsuruko said.
“So can you speak with Tama?†Tsuruko asked.
“Somewhat... I can understand a few simple words, but not much...†Tomoko sheepishly replied as she looked away. “But I suspect that Tama would side with Mutsumi...â€
The pause made Tsuruko curious. So she asked, “What about Mutsumi?â€
“I remember her being a bit of a saint around this time... So I was surprised when she glared at me and tried to defend Naru's actions,†Tomoko replied in a bit of a regretful tone.
“So you thought that she might help you.... But from what you've told me, she seems a bit fanatical about getting Narusagawa and Urashima together...†Tsuruko said as she reached over and grabbed one of Tomoko's shoulders in some attempt to comfort her.
The gesture did not go unnoticed, as after awhile, Tomoko said, “...Thanks...â€
“You are my sister, after all.... Though, I'm not sure if I should consider you still to be my younger sister or my new older sister...†Tsuruko replied with a playful smirk.
“You're incorrigible...†Tomoko muttered.
Deciding to change the topic to a happier one, Tsuruko said, “So what parts of what you said were true?â€
“Just about all of it. At this point of time, I still felt like I was abandoned by you, so try to change that a little bit with my younger self,†Tomoko replied. “When you and my younger self leave to spend the day together, I'll try to ask Urashima if he wants to not have as many accidents. If he accepts, and I suspect he will, I'll tell him that he'll be trained by Motoko.â€
“Won't he be scared enough to refuse your offer?†Tsuruko asked. “And what makes
“Perhaps, but he still considers her a friend. If he refuses or if she fails to help him, then I'll notify you and you can return to take my younger self back for some remedial training. I'll be sure to tell the both of them that little fact,†Tomoko answered with a bit of an evil smirk.
“Ah... Two birds with one stone...†Tsuruko commented. “And I assume you'll stay behind here?â€
After sighing, Tomoko said, “Yes, but I suspect that everyone here would plan to go 'rescue' Motoko, no matter how much I could point out that she was straying from her code of honor.â€
“Will you let me know ahead of time?†Tsuruko asked.
“If I can. They might be able to knock me out and tie me up,†Tomoko said. “Thank the spirits that Kanako isn't here...â€
“Ah.... That's the little sister of Urashima, isn't it?†Tsuruko asked. Tomoko nodded and Tsuruko then added, “Perhaps you could let her know of your secret? She might help you if you can get her to be Urashima's mistress, since the laws prevent her from marrying him.â€
“I doubt my younger self would approve...†Tomoko muttered.
“But how about you? If you went after him, would you ask for Kanako's help in exchange for sharing him with her?†Tsuruko asked, enjoying the shocked look on Tomoko's face.
“I-but-her- en.. Argh!†Tomoko sputtered “You really are incorrigible!â€
Tsuruko merely giggled a little bit in response.
-oOo-
Kitsune was shocked at what she had heard never in a million years would she even had guessed that Tomoko was from the future.
And not only that, but also Tsuruko's illegitimate child! No wonder she was a bit overprotective of Keitaro. He probably was the one who she had a crush on when she was a kid!
'That would explain why her actions seem to drive a wedge in Kei's relationship with Naru. She wants him for herself! But why go and tell Tsuruko that she would have a illegitimate child? Something like that would make Tsuruko go and stop that..... Unless Tomoko is trying to put Tsuruko and Keitaro together because he is her daddy! But then why would she go and put some moves on him when she came her? Then again, I did spot Motoko staring at some hentai. She only destroyed them when she noticed me looking at her, so maybe the Aoyamas are the type to denounce perverted thing in public, but have a very strong desire for them deep down inside?' Kitsune thought. 'Or maybe she doesn't consider him to be her dad yet?'
“Kitsune! Whatcha doing here? You wanna help me test some inventions?†Su asked.
“N-No! Just wanted to... To... See you before I go to bed!†Kitsune quickly answered.
“Oh.... Well, it was nice seeing you...†Su said, before turning her chair back around to look at her computer.
Kitsune was a bit curious. Normally, Su would keep on asking if anyone wanted to help try out a new invention. So her stopping without being bribed was both a relief and a surprised.
“Is everything alright, Su?†Kitsune asked, slowly walking towards the little inventor. No need to set off any traps.
“...Yeah, guess I'm getting sleepy, is all...†Su replied, rubbing her eyes for effect.
“So who are you gonna sleep with tonight? I can walk with you or carry you to them,†Kitsune asked.
“Nah... I'm a big girl and wanna try sleeping on my own,†Su answered, as she was turning off her computers.
“Seriously?†Kitsun asked, tilting her head a bit in curiosity.
“Yup! And if you keep bugging me, I'm gonna assume you wanna be the test subject for one of my untested inventions...†Su muttered, with a slightly unhinged grin.
“Uhmmmm...... I gotta go! Feeling pret-ty tired!†Kitsune quickly said, even yawning for emphasis.
Su watched as Kitsune left. After turning on a computer and then setting up her room for privacy, Su then laid in one of her hammocks and cried herself to sleep, over what her future self had a hand in.
-oOo-
Neither Kitsune nor Su's security systems caught the hidden spy (spy or spies? The latter dialog makes me think at least 2 evesdroppers were present) who also watched the video. Unlike Kitsune. they had noticed that the video seemed a bit off and also seemed to avoid talking about Keitaro's fate after a certain point, as if he disappeared.... or worse...
They continued to crawl around the tunnels
-chronodekar
I made the changes to my private documents. I pretty much did what you pointed out, so there's little point in re-posting what you posted, except for the last bit.
Would this be better to let the reader know that there was only one spy
Neither Kitsune nor Su's security systems caught the hidden spy in the Hinata tunnels who also watched the video. Unlike Kitsune. The spy had noticed that the video seemed a bit off and also seemed to avoid talking about Keitaro's fate after a certain point, as if he disappeared.... or worse...
The spy continued to crawl around the tunnels.
The spy continued to crawl around the tunnels.
Would this be better to let the reader know that there was only one spy
Well, folks, if any of you have looked at my outline in either the first post here or at http://thefanfictionforum.net/showthread.php?tid=19685&pid=1176095#pid1176095
You'll know that I'm hitting the mostly unplanned parts of my outline, where there is only a sentence to describe what hopefully will be the main event of the chapter.
You'll know that I'm hitting the mostly unplanned parts of my outline, where there is only a sentence to describe what hopefully will be the main event of the chapter.
Anyone got an idea for a nightmare sequence for Naru that pretty much is telling her 'You're gonna lose Keitaro to the Aoyamas'?
My first attempt wound up being a bit of a ripoff of the dream sequence from Hawker-748's 'Loss and redemption' but having Naru and Motoko's positions reversed.
So If anyone has a better idea for it, let me know or I'll probably go with Naru somewhat remembering only in a dream the incident at the sandbox, but having The Aoyamas come and take Keitaro away from her.
My first attempt wound up being a bit of a ripoff of the dream sequence from Hawker-748's 'Loss and redemption' but having Naru and Motoko's positions reversed.
So If anyone has a better idea for it, let me know or I'll probably go with Naru somewhat remembering only in a dream the incident at the sandbox, but having The Aoyamas come and take Keitaro away from her.
A nightmare for a teen girl about to lose her boyfriend? Hmm...
Naru imagines a date with Keitaro. He's initially dressed very well, but she makes some comment about how bad it looks. He goes away and comes back different - its obviously far better, but she doesn't give a good compliment, just nods as if 'its satisfactory'. Then he takes her to a movie. She complains that it wasn't what she wanted to see. He tries to get tickets at the first theater but fails. He moves away for a some moments and returns with tickets for the show in another theater. She's satisfied with the movie, but does NOT compliment or even thank Keitaro.
Then they go to a restaurant where Keitaro had reservations. Naru doesn't like the place and tells him that they need to go elsewhere. He rushes out, makes a few frantic phone calls, goes out of sight and SOMEHOW comes back with reservations to a better place. They go to eat, but no compliments from Naru. During all this, it becomes obvious that Keitaro is desperately running low on money. Mention it a few times earlier too.
Finally when the date is over, they come back. Naru doesn't kiss Keitaro or anything, but grumbles that it was a bad day (she secretly enjoyed it, but can't bring herself to compliment the guy), pushes him off and leaves. As the dream slowly ends, she sees Keitaro looking at his empty wallet, some loan papers he obviously just took walking slowly away to the mysterious person who was helping him each time he needed to fix something. It turns out to be one of the Aoyamas (the shadow makes it difficult to say who). In a significant gesture, he throws down some flowers he meant to give to Naru (or she rejected) and cries into the other girl's shoulder.
About then, Naru wakes up?
Re-reading this, I'm wondering if its too corny...
-chronodekar
Naru imagines a date with Keitaro. He's initially dressed very well, but she makes some comment about how bad it looks. He goes away and comes back different - its obviously far better, but she doesn't give a good compliment, just nods as if 'its satisfactory'. Then he takes her to a movie. She complains that it wasn't what she wanted to see. He tries to get tickets at the first theater but fails. He moves away for a some moments and returns with tickets for the show in another theater. She's satisfied with the movie, but does NOT compliment or even thank Keitaro.
Then they go to a restaurant where Keitaro had reservations. Naru doesn't like the place and tells him that they need to go elsewhere. He rushes out, makes a few frantic phone calls, goes out of sight and SOMEHOW comes back with reservations to a better place. They go to eat, but no compliments from Naru. During all this, it becomes obvious that Keitaro is desperately running low on money. Mention it a few times earlier too.
Finally when the date is over, they come back. Naru doesn't kiss Keitaro or anything, but grumbles that it was a bad day (she secretly enjoyed it, but can't bring herself to compliment the guy), pushes him off and leaves. As the dream slowly ends, she sees Keitaro looking at his empty wallet, some loan papers he obviously just took walking slowly away to the mysterious person who was helping him each time he needed to fix something. It turns out to be one of the Aoyamas (the shadow makes it difficult to say who). In a significant gesture, he throws down some flowers he meant to give to Naru (or she rejected) and cries into the other girl's shoulder.
About then, Naru wakes up?
Re-reading this, I'm wondering if its too corny...
-chronodekar
Reading that, it sounds more like a Keitaro nightmare about a date with Naru, not a Naru nightmare about a date with Keitaro...
Actually, rethinking that, considering this is Keitaro we are talking about... it sounds like an actual date with Naru, nor a dream.
Oh, and FYI:
I heard U.S. federal student loan interest rates are due to double in the next couple days...
Actually, rethinking that, considering this is Keitaro we are talking about... it sounds like an actual date with Naru, nor a dream.
Oh, and FYI:
I heard U.S. federal student loan interest rates are due to double in the next couple days...
I kinda agree with what PCHeintz72 said, but if I can't think of a better idea, I'll use yours, chronodekar, but I'd probably have Naru notice that Tomoko, Motoko, and Tsuruko are seemingly nearby and usually where Keitaro just left after he gets something better after Naru rejects something.
On a sidenote, for a total of five seconds, I thought about threatening to write a story where Motoko and Keitaro leave the Hinata for a few days. They come back to discover that everyone at the Hinata has been taken over by some magical panties that are controlling their wearers, making them into Ninja-maids, and the only way to free the girls is to remove the magical panties.
When I drank some coffee, I realized that a good number of you would call my bluff and see if I actually would write that story.
On a sidenote, for a total of five seconds, I thought about threatening to write a story where Motoko and Keitaro leave the Hinata for a few days. They come back to discover that everyone at the Hinata has been taken over by some magical panties that are controlling their wearers, making them into Ninja-maids, and the only way to free the girls is to remove the magical panties.
When I drank some coffee, I realized that a good number of you would call my bluff and see if I actually would write that story.
Never read that.
But the story that my idea came from was a modified one from another story I wrote. In that one, Motoko was one of the victims (she was patient zero for it.), but she doesn't know about about it. I'd give a link, but it's an interactive story that does get perverted enough to gain a warning for some chapters.
but enough about that.
But the story that my idea came from was a modified one from another story I wrote. In that one, Motoko was one of the victims (she was patient zero for it.), but she doesn't know about about it. I'd give a link, but it's an interactive story that does get perverted enough to gain a warning for some chapters.
but enough about that.
Here's my rendition of Naru's (prophetic dream) nightmare: :snigger:
She starts having periodic dreams about Her and Kei going on (slowly deteriorating/failing) dates, neither too fancy nor a complete dissaster. Eventually at the end of one she belts him for standing too close "forcing himself on her" for a good night kiss.
Then the dream sequences continue as Kei suddenly stops hanging around Naru as much, leading to Naru following him on his (recently discovered) outings and finding out he's been going on (increasingly successful and more romantic) dates with a "non descript/unidentifiable" young woman (Motoko/Tomoko?) while the rest of the Hina Girls seem to fawn on/be sweet on the ex-ronin.
Eventually Nightmare!Kei and his "girlfriend" make it official and the Hina Girls (and maybe Tsuruko) decide to throw them an engagement party, prompting Naru to wake up either in a cold sweat or shouting something about "breaking his promise"
Extra Brownie points if someone (in story) points out to Naru (or to Kei) the fallacy of the legend of the Promise Girl (aka: Kei made the promise to Mu-chan, Mu-chan made A promise with Na-chan, Kei never promised Na-chan anything directly as kids). :evil:
She starts having periodic dreams about Her and Kei going on (slowly deteriorating/failing) dates, neither too fancy nor a complete dissaster. Eventually at the end of one she belts him for standing too close "forcing himself on her" for a good night kiss.
Then the dream sequences continue as Kei suddenly stops hanging around Naru as much, leading to Naru following him on his (recently discovered) outings and finding out he's been going on (increasingly successful and more romantic) dates with a "non descript/unidentifiable" young woman (Motoko/Tomoko?) while the rest of the Hina Girls seem to fawn on/be sweet on the ex-ronin.
Eventually Nightmare!Kei and his "girlfriend" make it official and the Hina Girls (and maybe Tsuruko) decide to throw them an engagement party, prompting Naru to wake up either in a cold sweat or shouting something about "breaking his promise"
Extra Brownie points if someone (in story) points out to Naru (or to Kei) the fallacy of the legend of the Promise Girl (aka: Kei made the promise to Mu-chan, Mu-chan made A promise with Na-chan, Kei never promised Na-chan anything directly as kids). :evil:
Bit of good idea, but I think there's a fic where something like that happened. Still... If I can't write chronodekar's idea well enough for my tastes, I'll probably look through the manga and choose an situation, unless a certain event is pointed out for me to reverse Naru and Keitaro's places
And now I'm tempted to prepare a few chapters of Omakes, either ones I've written or ones that others have made for my story.
On a side note, my writing of chapter 13 seems to be trying to put a bit of a rift between Mutsumi and Tama. Mutsumi believes that Keitaro is changing too fast and Tama believes that it's good for Keitaro to stand up for himself. And the rift is somehow getting Mutsumi riled up a bit.
I'm not sure where it came from. Maybe a part of me believes that Tama is a Keitaro/Motoko shipper?
And now I'm tempted to prepare a few chapters of Omakes, either ones I've written or ones that others have made for my story.
On a side note, my writing of chapter 13 seems to be trying to put a bit of a rift between Mutsumi and Tama. Mutsumi believes that Keitaro is changing too fast and Tama believes that it's good for Keitaro to stand up for himself. And the rift is somehow getting Mutsumi riled up a bit.
I'm not sure where it came from. Maybe a part of me believes that Tama is a Keitaro/Motoko shipper?
Tama is like Mutsumi... she cares for Keitaro.
The difference is:
* Tama has seen all the BS the Hina girls have put Kei through and as much as she loves dive bombing/teasing Motoko, she knows that the resident Kendoka (or at the very least the mature and penitent/remoreseful/regretful version who no longer seems to fear said flying turtle) is sweet on Kei and is willing to try to change herself for the best; while
* Mutsumi, who strongly favors and will take dives for Naru, will not admit that the aforementioned firebrand has not put a step forward (without taking 2 steps back) to address her issues and start treating Kei better (in hopes of getting into a relationship type thing).
The difference is:
* Tama has seen all the BS the Hina girls have put Kei through and as much as she loves dive bombing/teasing Motoko, she knows that the resident Kendoka (or at the very least the mature and penitent/remoreseful/regretful version who no longer seems to fear said flying turtle) is sweet on Kei and is willing to try to change herself for the best; while
* Mutsumi, who strongly favors and will take dives for Naru, will not admit that the aforementioned firebrand has not put a step forward (without taking 2 steps back) to address her issues and start treating Kei better (in hopes of getting into a relationship type thing).
One thing I remembered about when Keitaro came home from the hospital in chapter 71...
Only Tama was there to greet him. Of course, it can be pointed out that it was the afternoon on a normal day, but still....
As for my fic, I think Mutsumi will start to act better after chapter 14, or at least take more of a neutral role where she takes a step back and tries her best to see things from another standpoint, where Naru might think that she is losing one of her supporters later on when she comes back
But that makes it seem like I'm getting into Naru-bashing territory. I guess it could be argued that sometimes we have to fall before we can make something better out of ourselves. If that's the case, can you guys make sure to point out any bashing I accidentally wind up doing and possibly offer suggestions to avoid any future bashings?
Only Tama was there to greet him. Of course, it can be pointed out that it was the afternoon on a normal day, but still....
As for my fic, I think Mutsumi will start to act better after chapter 14, or at least take more of a neutral role where she takes a step back and tries her best to see things from another standpoint, where Naru might think that she is losing one of her supporters later on when she comes back
But that makes it seem like I'm getting into Naru-bashing territory. I guess it could be argued that sometimes we have to fall before we can make something better out of ourselves. If that's the case, can you guys make sure to point out any bashing I accidentally wind up doing and possibly offer suggestions to avoid any future bashings?