Harry Potter hogwarts rules that you better follow

[railhazard]

122)-You shall not try to create new strains of the lycanthropic disease because you think that Werewolves are too dulls.

122a)-At least, if you intend to follow this less then ethical pursuit, you shall find a cure first. There is little to no difference between being mauled by a Werecheetah and being mauled by a Werewolf.

 

[parker]

123) Mr.Potter is no longer alowed books on magical sex change
i. I don't care that Ms.Malfoy likes the new look the Headmistress doesn't

 

[railhazard]

124)-Being awarded 200 point for an impressive theoretical project is not a tacit approval from your teachers to proceed to the development of a practical application of said project. You shall always ask for a direct verbal approval from your head of house.

124a)-Being a slytherin therefore too subtil to be understood is not a good justification. It is rather derogatory toward the non-slytherin folks.

124b)-Slytherin folks being already quite rude toward outsiders is not an excuse.

124c)-Even it is true.

 

[SotF]

125. Attempting to disprove the common assumption that Wizards are superior to Muggles is permitted
b. However attempting to prove it by constructing your own atomic bomb on school grounds in not a valid method of doing so.
c. Especially with plans to use said bomb.

 

[GhostElder]

126. Attempting to summon a demon so that it might be bound to your will is not only forbidden to attempt, but very stupid.
B. No Draco we can fix the transformation your stuck like that until you've paid for your sins just like all the other prinnies.

127. The Slytherin Prinnies are to keep their lamentations to acceptable noise levels.

128. Students are not allowed to throw the Prinnies inside the school.
B. Or on School grounds.
C. Or within the Forbidden Forest.
D. Students are not allowed to throw the Prinnies period.

129. 'The power Voldemort knows not' isn't the Slytherin Prinnie Squad.

 

[avis de rapina]

130. Prefects shall not instruct first years to chant "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn," as they are brought across the lake for sorting. Leave the poor squid alone, Mr. Malfoy.

b. Neither is the poor creature a shikima. Miss Delacour was making a joke. Miss Brown and Miss Weasley are hereby forbidden from swimming in the lake... esp in the nude.

c. Miss Bulstrode, however, may continue skinnydipping... just in case we're wrong.

 

[railhazard]

131)-Forging the signature of one of my classmate on an administative form is stricly forbidden, particulary if said form is a request to a name-change.

131a)-I shall not claim that Mr Malfoy legale name is Dorko Smallfry even if the minstery haven't fixe this mess yet.

 

[Xerxezz]

132. Creating and operating a still in one of the empty classrooms is strictly forbidden.

132a. Despite the fact that Mr Potter currently supplies Hogwarts and half of Hogsmead with Moonshine his official title isnÆt The Potion Master.

132.b Bribing the Headmaster with Lemon Drop flavored Vodka wonÆt make it less forbidden.

132c. Okay, the catnip flavored Sherry was a nice touch, as long as I donÆt see it I will ignore it.

133. Potter you arenÆt allowed to turn up at the gates of Hogwarts in Death Eater garbs roaring drunk.

133a. No, Snape and Malfoy did it isnÆt an excuse.

133b. You arenÆt allowed to turn up at the gates of Hogwarts in Death Eater garbs roaring drunk with an equally inebriated Snape, Malfoy and Lord Voldemort while singing.

133c. I donÆt know how you managed to convince Voldemort to change his goals from ôtorturing muggles and taking over the wizarding worldö to ôgetting drunk and visiting strip clubsö. BUT JUST STOP IT!

133d. Just cause you managed to convince the Headmaster to join your tours of drunken debauchery doesnÆt make it better.

134. You arenÆt allowed to put up lists with ôJoin the Death Eaters, we got booze and women!ö the entire male population of Hogwarts are walking around in Death Eater robes!

135. You arenÆt allowed to call the Death Eaters a club for gentlemen enjoying the finer points in life.

136. I donÆt know who or what TFF is, but just cause it/they are your new idols doesnÆt allow you to create a harem.

137. You are NOT a male veela, so stop trying to create a harem.

137a. Potter, If you donÆt stop telling people that you are a male veela IÆll send Malfoy at you.

138. You are NOT Lord VoldemortÆs intern.

 

[Rift120]

139. A witch's Magic reserves ARE NOT IN PROPORTION TO HOW LARGE THEIR CHEST IS!
139a. Neither is it in proportion to how well endowed a male wizard is....
139b. NO YOU CAN'T USE POTTER AS A JUSTIFICATION FOR HTIS THEORY!

140. Mrs. Lovegood there is no 'Annual Hogwarts witches Magical reserves BIkinni contests' at Hogwarts!
140a. ESPECIALLY IF YOU INVOLVE THE TEACHERS!
140b. "Harry is the Judge" is not an excuse!
140c. Neither is "Harry is the prize for hte winner"
140d. And CERTAINLY NOT WINNERS PLURAL!
140e. POtter get that silly smirk off your face the event has been cancelled.

141. WHoever summoned Etna and Flonne send them back....
141a. They are NOT HARRY'S DEVIL AND ANGEL ON HIS SHOULDER!

142. THere is no such thing as a Stargate in hte Chamber of Secrets.
142a. Hermione stop reading up on you ancient egyptian dialects, it is not a variation of the magical language "Goauld"

143. Harry and Jack O'Neil are never to meet...
143a. Nor is Hermione to ever meet Daniel Jackson...

144. Madame Pince does not have a secret passage to L-space... I'm sure htere is a perfectly logical explanation why she was having Tea with an orangutan..

145. Harry you cannot attempt to summon the Death of Rats to put a hit on traitirous Maruders....
145a. I don't care that it worked...


(Next two minor plug for my DIgimon/Harry idea, free to good authors )

146. Harry does NOT have a humaniod Fox that can turn inviisble following him around.
146a. He certainly isn't her Tamer.
146b. ESPECIALLY IN THAT SENSE YOU PERVS!

147. Harry please keep Calumon away from Severus...
147a. I don't care how funny his nervous breakdown is, several of his potions are highly explosive and thus he shouldn't be disturbed while brewing htem.

148. The Sword of Griffyndor is NOT Secretly the Sword of power.
148a. QUite Holding it over you head and syaing " By the power of Grayskull...I have the power!"
148b. I don't care that it worked...
148c. Nor that the rest of Hogwarts witches want you to do it again to 'inspect the loincloth'

149. Luna i don't know where you found that blade but quit holding it over your head and yelling "For the honor of Grayskull... "
149a. I don't care that it worked.
149b. It certainly doesn't 'proove your the right matchf or HArry'
149c. Ginny quit trying ot steal Luna's sword.

150. The Sword of Griffyndor is NOT secretly the Sword of Omens
150a. I don't care that holding it up and yelling "Thunder, Thunder, ThunderCats HOO!" worked...
150b. Even if all it did was summon the female thundercats and Hermione and Mcgonngal for some reason...
150c. Harry they are NOT YOUR PERSONAL KITTY PRIDE SEND THEM BACK!
150d. I don't care that theya greed it was best to ensure you had lots of 'kittens' so that the the Line of the Lord of the Thundercats won't die out.
150e. No Providing Mcgonngal witha Deaging potion DOESN'T MAKE IT RIGHT!

Oooh severla fic ideas here.....

 

[railhazard]

151)-There is no such a thing as the Ferula Gemina, You shall not claim that Albus and Aberforth Dumbledore are the good and evil halves of the same being split by this fictional talisman.

151a)-The same rule apply to the Weasley and Patils twins.

151b)-The fact that you just make a working Ferula Gemina is not an valid argument to rescind previous rule.

152)-You shall not experiment said talisman on the members of the staff or you classmates. While Good-Draco is refreshingly nice if somewhat more wussy than the original, We haven't determined yet which Severus Snape is the Good-one.

152a)-You shall not claim that the result of this experiment is the scientific proof that Professor Snape is pure evil.

152b)-Claiming that the Good-Snape must be the one with better hygiene is forbidden.

152c)-If Mme Pomphrey or any other healer are unable to fix the trouble sow by your highly unethical practice, you shall diligently work on a solution.

152d)-Solving this problem so quickly is not a good reason to be smug.

 

[Rift120]

thought up a few more... the first two based off of Rorschblots 'thief' fic which is avaible on his yahoo group only

153. I will NOT give either of the Weasley twins the idea to run against Fudge for the office of the Minister of Magic....

154. I will quit trying to convince Ron Weasley that the ebst way to oppose Voldermort is to use his Family spells and become the Dark Lord Ron Jeremy...

155. Students are not allowed to create a book of childrens tales entittled "Voldielocks the dark lord who couldn't" that mock You-Know-Who and his Death Eaters
155a. They certainly aren't allowed to sell it to muggles as a childrens fairytale book!
155b. I don't CARE that its a bestseller now!

156. THe Weasley Twins are Forbiddon to see musicals either in movie, TV, or play format... it gives them ideas
156a. No you two are NOT 'The very model of a modern major prankmaster general'! Quit your singing!

157. Harry you are not allowed to trick Voldermort into ordering Mrs. Malfoy to seduce you.
157a. I don't care that you managed to give her such a good night that she switched sides to the light.
157b. Draco is foaming at the mouth now that he got news on his 'little sister' on the way... are you happy now?
157c. THat wasn't an excuse to walk around Hogwarts strutting like a peacock!

158. Harry, Shagging the female Death Eaters is NOT the proper wayt o convince them to switch sides!
158a. I don't care that its working!

159. Students are forbidden to make their Patronus's mate with other students patronus's as a 'sign that they are destined to be'.

160. Mr. Potter did NOT go to France to train under their champion on the 'proper arts to pleasure a women' this summer, so quit trying to kidnap him for some private time.
160a. I don't care that he got a certificate saying "Veela Approved 'massusse' "!
160b. Or the picture of Harry sitting int he room surronded by a gaggle of exhausted but smiling Veela...

161. Luna, Harry, Fred, and George... please stop trying to convince the Slytherins that Luna is a true seer by having her spout out 'prophecies' and then ensuring they come true.
161a. Yes we know they're are fake... we found your lots notebook!

162. Luna stop giving POtter BJ's every secodn you two are alone!
162a. No I don't believe you are sucking out mutwakkles form investing him!

163. MRs. Granger we are well aware that Harry inherited several libraries worth of books from his parents and Sirus, please stop jumping and molesting the boy. I'm sure if you ask nicely Harry will let your read the books.

164. Azkaban is a Prision, there is no secret village of azkaban residents filled with powerful magic, wizards, and/or hot women willing to share! All students are to cease their current searchs to see if they are secretly the Lord of Azkaban.

165. It is forbiddon to use human transfiguration on your familiers...even if said familier threaten to claw your eye out.
165a. On a related note has anyone found Harry and Hedgwig yet?
165b. What do you MEAN FAWKES IS MISSING AS WELL??!!!

 

[railhazard]

166)-You shall not point the similarities between the House Slytherin and the catholic church.
166a) There is no cult of Salazar Slytherin.

167)-You shall not call your Head of House Primate Principio Snape. It sounds disturbingly to the uneducated hears like monkey prince Snape.

168)-It is forbidden to claim that Harry Potter is the messiah of this faith and that You-know-who is the Antichrist.

169)-The Death Eaters are a terrorist organisation not an heretic cult of fanatics who deserve to be burnt for consorting with the Antichrist.

170)-You shall not appoint yourself as the Grandmaster of the Slytherin Inquisition. There is no such a thing!
170a)-Claiming it is the reason why no one expect the Slytherin Inquisition is strictly forbidden.

171)-You shall not crucify naked and upside-down your fellow classmates for professing a favorable opinion toward You-Know-Who.
171a)-Claiming it is a time honored tradition of the church is unacceptable.
171b)-Neither pointing it is technically an Anti-crucifixion.

172)-While trying to convince some of your classmate of the error of their way is a laudable goal, You shall not follow Argus Filch advise on how to deal with this matter.

173)-You shall not submit YKW sympathiser among your classmate to intensive deprogramming session. We don't care how much more efficient this method is and how much more pleasant the individual who were submit to this ordeal are now.

174)-Being publicly Excommunicate by Severus Snape is not a reason to found the Reformed-Slytherin church. Professor Snape never had this kind of power(Cf:rule #166a), he merely try to put a stop to this silliness.

 

[Xerxezz]

175. Potter, you are not allowed to open a portal that "Jade" place.

175a. No, not even to bring back some catgirls.

175b. You are not to tell people that "that dragon had some really nice booty", it disturbs people who doesn't know that true dragons can polymorph.

175c. "That elf had some really nice booty" is likewise forbidden. Malfoy thought that you meant house-elves.

176. Just 'cause you spent a month on Jade and trained to become an arch-mage dosn't allow you to wear skin-tight fetish wear.

176a. Just 'cause the female population likes the mage-suit dosn't allow you to ignore the previous rule.

 

[railhazard]

177)-You shall not tell the House-Elf staff about Ninja and their legendary loyalty and usefulness.
177a)-Giving them pamphlets about this subject is forbidden.

178)-You shall not spread rumor about a Ninja-Village of house-elves Hidden behind the Kitchen.
178a)-Dobby is not the Shodai Kitchenkage or a shinobi, even if he has started to wear a long robe with body armor underneath and a weird hat.

 

[Xerxezz]

179. Would the following people please leave Hogwarts: Gina Diggers, Brianna Diggers, Britanny Diggers, Penny Pinser, Princess Tyr, Shiela Silvear, Genn, Moisha Rich, Six, Jane, JallieleÆBrea, and Karia.

179a, Just because you are married to Mister Potter according to Dragon Law doesn't entitle you to your own wing at the castle.

179b. What have we learned from this? That Mr Potter should use protection or learn some contraception charms before spending quality times with his wives. Mr Malfoy has learnt to avoid irritating the moody pregnant werecheetah and jagwere on the full moon.

179c. It is in fact hazardous to your health to annoy any moody pregnant woman as shown by Brianna and Gina Diggers. Also, the Lay-Z-Boy of Doom and powerarmour is now completly forbidden to use on the grounds

180. While the Hellsing organization has proven very effective in combating the Dark Lord please don't invite armed military groups into the castle without the headmasters consent.

180a. I don't want to know how you managed to bind that blonde vampire to you, but I don't want to see anymore vampire hickeys!

180b. Against all laws of nature Mr Potter has somehow managed to knock up that blonde vampire, and while she seems harmless (compared to the rest of his wives) only Mr Potter is allowed to call her "Kitten".

 

[Mighty Bob]

177)-You shall not tell the House-Elf staff about Ninja and their legendary loyalty and usefulness.
177a)-Giving them pamphlets about this subject is forbidden.

178)-You shall not spread rumor about a Ninja-Village of house-elves Hidden behind the Kitchen.
178a)-Dobby is not the Shodai Kitchenkage or a shinobi, even if he has started to wear a long robe with body armor underneath and a weird hat.

Now that'd make for a helluva funny story. Likely just a crackshot, but still...

 

[Xerxezz]

181. Mr Potter, read rule nr 126 about summoning demons.

181a. Please unsummon Mara...

181b. ...and Morrigan...

181c. ...and Hild...

181d ...and Urd.

181e. While Urd is just a half demon she still counts!

182. The demons above have all joined the group of women that has lethal consequences to annoy... They are all pregnant

 

[railhazard]

QUOTE (railhazard @ Jul 29 2007, 11:18 AM)
177)-You shall not tell the House-Elf staff about Ninja and their legendary loyalty and usefulness.
177a)-Giving them pamphlets about this subject is forbidden.

178)-You shall not spread rumor about a Ninja-Village of house-elves Hidden behind the Kitchen.
178a)-Dobby is not the Shodai Kitchenkage or a shinobi, even if he has started to wear a long robe with body armor underneath and a weird hat.?


Now that'd make for a helluva funny story. Likely just a crackshot, but still...

Well, i always thought that Harry was in a deep need of what most people would call a "Combat Butler" because he can take care of himself.

Let's face it without Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore,etc... he has yet to show any talent beyond his Seekers Skills and his dumb luck.

Turning Dobby into a ninja would be quite easy:

1)-A passing comment from Harry about how he would like to have a Ninja to help him.

2)-Dobby is unable to find a Ninja so he decides to become one.

3)-Dobby makes some research(with hermione help who assumes it is merely an hobby) about the subject but being not particularly smart he mixes true facts, myths and fictions.

4)-The House-elves magic being rather different than the wizard's, it enables him to accomplish feats which would be considered impossible. But no-one knows about it because Dobby sticks to the basic Ninja tenet of secrecy.

5)-Strangely, the other House-Elves are fascinated by this new way to serve their master. The more proactive of his kind soon follow his example, reasoning that a good master or mistress is very rare and therefore deserved to be protected.

Well, it would be a crackfic but who wouldn't like to see a squad a Elite jounin House-elves beating up goons like Lucius Malfoy. People ironically brought down not by other Wizards but by their natural slave.

 

[Xerxezz]

183. As some people seems to have problems remembering which women are safe to irritate we will hand out lists with all the pregnant wives and girlfriends/wives of Mr Potter. It will be updated daily.

184. Snape isn't allowed to taunt Mr Potter about the fact that he will soon suffer a hell that has plagued men since the beginning, extreme mood-swings and strange cravings of pregnant women.

184a. Mr Potter shouldn't answer those taunts with telling him that his wives libido has risen 300 % in the last week alone, that they are all really flexible and that Hild can do that thing with her tongue... THATÆS MORE INFORMATION THAN WE WANT!

184b. No one, and I mean NO ONE shall remind Snape that in about 12 years he will have to teach more then 20 Potter children (and that number is rising almost daily.

185. Mr Potter isn't a class one category one unlimited demon of nookie, no matter what Hild says...

185a. Just because Heaven and Hell has a balance system in place doesn't make Mr Potter a class one category one unlimited god of fertility, no matter what Urd says!

185b. Mr Potter is not a demon in the sack, no matter what Hild says and no matter the evidence to the contrary...

185c. Neither can Mr Potter take a women to heaven, no matter what Urd says.

 

[ghostcowboy]

175. Potter, you are not allowed to open a portal that "Jade" place.

175a. No, not even to bring back some catgirls.

175b. You are not to tell people that "that dragon had some really nice booty", it disturbs people who doesn't know that true dragons can polymorph.

175c. "That elf had some really nice booty" is likewise forbidden. Malfoy thought that you meant house-elves.

176. Just 'cause you spent a month on Jade and trained to become an arch-mage dosn't allow you to wear skin-tight fetish wear.

176a. Just 'cause the female population likes the mage-suit dosn't allow you to ignore the previous rule.

I was wondering if there is a fic out there surrounding these rules?

 

[NanuNanu14]

186. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms".

187. Starting a betting pool on the fate of the DADA teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a money making scheme.

 

[Rift120]

186. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms".

187. Starting a betting pool on the fate of the DADA teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a money making scheme.

187a. So is one based around how disrepectful, petty, and biased snape is during the year, even if you only include the methods...

 

[Xerxezz]

188. THERE. IS. NO. SPOON!

188a. Stop stealing kitchen utensils!

189. Mr Diggers-Potter, would you please read rule nr 125. Just because your pregnancy has made you extremely hormonal doesn't allow you to hide a fully functioning and armed 90 MT Strategic Nuclear Fusion Warhead in the Slytherin common-room as an answer to the Slytherins taunts. The damn clock was ticking!

190. Neither are you allowed to change the Fusion bomb with a large beer keg and radio that says "I'm a nuclear bomb, I will explode in 30 seconds, I'm a nuclear bomb, I will explode in 29 seconds..."

 

[SoulGriever13]

Well, it would be a crackfic but who wouldn't like to see a squad a Elite jounin House-elves beating up goons like Lucius Malfoy. People ironically brought down not by other Wizards but by their natural slave.

... the whole thing would end with Dobby sacrificing himself to summon the Death God and seal Voldemort inside his and Winky's newly born son.

-Griever

 

[Rift120]

191. wandless magic that enables you to shoot lightining from your fingertips is NOT A PARTY TRICK.....
191a. It CERTAINLY Isn't for dressing up in a hooded cloak and convicning the Muggleborn that Hogwarts has been invaded by the Sith

192. SUggest to hermione that Crookshank's likes her os much due to her 'transfiguration' accident in 2nd year at your own risk..

193. Fred and George... please stop staring at Hary and GInny and cackling about Super Babies of DOOM...

194. Harry is NOT Fred, Hermione Velma, nor is Ginny Daphne and Ron IS CERTAINLY NOT SHAGGY!
194a. "But hte appiete is the same" is not a valid justification.

195. Muggleborn students will cease commosioning video game CGI scenes in order to convince the pureblods that the Muggles have super tech capable of detecting them
195a. or are summoing demons
195b. or have giant robot eyes spying on hogwarts....

196. All decks of cards will be turned over for magical inspection by instructors before entering Hogwarts premiese.
196a. This includes Clow Cards..
196b. AND ESPECIALLY Duel monster cards...

197. If a student finds a strange dagger, sword, ring, hat, wristwatch, etc.... they are to turn it over to Hogwarts staff immediatly.... NOT pick the item up and yell out the activation phrase of the ficitional item it resembles...
197a. I don't care that it worked! We still can't get Harry ont he gorund, much less out of that green uniform... and the weasley twins refuse to unsummon their Zords

And just to kick off the inevitabel Warhammer 40k rule list

198. THere is no such thing as the "Pettrigrew Heresy", and Harry Potter isn't the most revered Primarch of the God-emperor Prongs!

(not sure how rule 198 got written but I suspect it invovled taintede butterbeer and a smuggled warhammer book)