Harry Potter hogwarts rules that you better follow

[railhazard]

199)-While Alastor Moody is very satisfied by his new technomagical prosthetic eye and leg, You shall not call him Golemauror.

200)-You shall not use your classmates as test-subject against their will.

200a)-Trying to convince your head of house to let you use students in detention as guinea-pig is forbidden.

200b)-bribing your head of house to let you use students in detention as guinea-pig is forbidden.

200c)-begging your head of house to let you use students in detention as guinea-pig is forbidden.

201)-While your transformation masks are an astonishing work of enchantment and transfiguration, you shall not lend them to your classmates.

202)-You shall not sell said transformation masks to your classmates for Halloween, particularly those in the likeness of divinity and/or fictional character.

202a)-Making Mr Malfoy walk in the shoes of an house-elf to teach him humility is not a good excuse.

202b)-Ms Granger becoming the goddess Athena's avatar is not a minor side-effect.

202c)-Neither is Mr Potter being infuse with Dark Schneider essence.

202d)-It's forbidden to refer to the mental contamination of Mr Weasley by Captain Future as an improvement. Even if it is true.

202e)-Ms Weasley shall never have access to Morrigan Aesland's Mask. Even if Mr Potter is begging you.

 

[NanuNanu14]

203- The squid in the lake is not a suitable date for the Yule Ball.

 

[David Alan Abramczyk]

204- Negi Springfield does not exist, and therefore should not be held up as an example of Wizardry at it's finest.

205- It is highly discouraged for anyone to research the creation of Pactios.

205(a)- No matter how much Ms. Weasley begs.

 

[railhazard]

206)-The Sorting-Hat is not allowed to leave the Headmaster's office or use its technomagical mount-golem until it had shown his willingness to act properly.

207)-The sorting-hat being sad and lonely most of the time is not a reason to create him a girlfriend. Particularly if said girlfriend is a sentient-hat able to takeover the mind of its wearer.
207a)-You shall not use Mr and Mme Hat wish for a large family to create a specie of mind-controlling sentient Hat. Particularly if your ultimate goal is to takeover the wizarding world.

208)-The Hoggwart student body is not allow to vote the impeachment of a member of the teaching-staff. This prerogative belongs to the headmaster and the board of governor.
208a)-Therefore invoking the will of the majority to justify the revocation of Professors Binns and Snape is strictly forbidden.

209)-Hoggwart is not a democracy, therefore it's forbidden to set-up a referendum to try to cancel some of the previous rules.

210)-Any research aiming at improving the learning ability of your fellow classmate are strictly restricted and mustn't go beyond the theorical stage without the approval of the Headmaster.
210a)-Even if the in-vivo test are largely successful. Draco Malfoy learning to speak cantonese doesn't outweigh his need to be potty-trained again.

 

[Rift120]

206)-The Sorting-Hat is not allowed to leave the Headmaster's office or use its technomagical mount-golem until it had shown his willingness to act properly.

207)-The sorting-hat being sad and lonely most of the time is not a reason to create him a girlfriend. Particularly if said girlfriend is a sentient-hat able to takeover the mind of its wearer.
207a)-You shall not use Mr and Mme Hat wish for a large family to create a specie of mind-controlling sentient Hat. Particularly if your ultimate goal is to takeover the wizarding world.

208)-The Hoggwart student body is not allow to vote the impeachment of a member of the teaching-staff. This prerogative belongs to the headmaster and the board of governor.
208a)-Therefore invoking the will of the majority to justify the revocation of Professors Binns and Snape is strictly forbidden.

209)-Hoggwart is not a democracy, therefore it's forbidden to set-up a referendum to try to cancel some of the previous rules.

210)-Any research aiming at improving the learning ability of your fellow classmate are strictly restricted and mustn't go beyond the theorical stage without the approval of the Headmaster.
210a)-Even if the in-vivo test are largely successful. Draco Malfoy learning to speak cantonese doesn't outweigh his need to be potty-trained again.

211. The realitys of rules 208 and 209 are NOT Incentives to createa rebellion against 'unjust tyranny' amongst teh student body....

 

[railhazard]

212)-Until further notice, the Hoggwart Magical Girl association is baned. The fourth tentacle Monster attack this week was one too much.
212a)-No magical girl activity on the schoolground is allowed.
212b)-The prohibition described by rule #212a is extended to Hoggsmead weekend.

213)-There is no such a thing as the Hoggwart Ranger.
213a)-No Sentai-team activity is allowed on the school-ground or during Hoggsmead weekend particularly if said activity involved Giant technomagical animal-shaped Golems.

214)-There is no such a thing as the Green-Lantern Corp, you shall not prove this statement wrong by making power-rings and batteries in the likeness described in this comic book.
214a)-You are not a Guardian of Oa reborn. Such a claim is forbidden and is certainly not a reason to rescind rule #214.

215)-Mr Longbottom, Green Lantern of sector 2814, is not allowed to use his power-ring during the school year.
215a)-Mr Longbottom being awarded the order of Merlin 1st class for the capture of the Lestrange is not a tacit approval from the ministry.

 

[Chi Vayne]

216) The correct incantation for the Patronus charm is "Expecto Patronum", not "Care Bear Stare".
216a) I don't care if it worked.

 

[railhazard]

217)-The use and manufacture of the "What-if" mirror on the school-ground is hereby forbidden.
217a)You shall never mention the result of the following question:
"What if Harry Potter was sorted in Slytherine?"
"What if the Malfoy familly was ruined?"
"What if Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger had fallen in love?"
"What if Albus Dumbledore was a Dark Wizard?"
"What if Harry Potter was Gay?"
"What if the Golden-Trio had a threesome?"
Some questions must remain without answers to preserve the sanity of your fellow wizard and witch.

218)You shall not build a time machine camouflaged as an old-fashion Police-Box even if the statute of secrecy is protecting you from the legal suit for Copyright infringement.
218a)This Time machine doubling as a spaceship is not a good excuse.

219)-You shall not use said time machine to collect the best blackmail materials against all the major officials of Wizarding Britain's government.
219a)"It is for the greater good." is not a good enough justification, even if Albus Dumbledore is rather fond of it.

220)-You shall not grant access to said time-machine to Ms Granger who have shown a rather disturbing recklessness toward time manipulation.
220a)-You shall not point that Ms Granger time-mess is partly the deputy headmistress' fault.

 

[jaredstar]

218. contrary to popular belief harry potters manhood is not 12 inchs long unaroused

218a. that is not an excuse to check.

 

[railhazard]

222)-While trying to interest your schoolmates into improving the quality of the material taught here, You shall not put suggestion-boxes at every corner of the castle. Some of these suggestions are frighteningly ludicrous.

223)-You shall not spread rumors about an hypothetical tantric magic elective that would be offered during the next year.

224)-Asking the Patils Twins their help to study the unabridged version of the kama-sutra is one of the most cheesy pickup line ever. You shall never do that again unless you want to spend the year in detention receiving the TALK from professor Snape.

225)-Any experience involving Materia as a new method to allow squibs and muggles to do magic must stop until further notice.

226)-There is no such a thing as the Sorcerer Supreme, you shall not claim this title even if you have somehow gotten hold on the Eye of Agamotto.

 

[Laniac67]

227. No member of the faculty, staff, or student body may be compared to Merlin.
227a. Epithets such as "Merlin's Jockstrap!" are, however, permitted. Freaks.

228. Any indications that anyone in Ms. Granger's year has become more intelligent than her is immediate cause for a cheating investigation.
228a. Especially you, Potter. You've got quite enough fangirls already.
228b. If a student with the surname Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, or Parkinson violates this rule, begin praying; the universe is about to end.

229. "Multiverse theory" is NOT a valid excuse for discarding rules 1-228b, or any other following rules.

 

[parker]

227) mr.potter is no longer allowed to go on "educational" trips to innsmouth
a) take back the deep ones now
b)and cthullu

 

[railhazard]

230)-You shall not use the skills and knowledge taught at Hogwarts to indulge yourself in your transformation fetish.

231)-Research or manufacture of Pranking products are hereby forbidden, even if the Weasley Twins are paying you a good price.
231a)-The distribution of said products are also forbidden including the items on the following list:
--The cursed pantie of Torinaga.
--The Catmaid canon.
--The Rapunzel shampoo.
--The Vavavoum chocolate box.
--The Lament Configuration puzzle-box.
--Any transformation mask.
--Whooper chocolate balls.
--The Medusa shampoo.
--The blueberry candy of inflation.
--The girdle of gender.
--Dr A Gonhide skincare lotion.
--The Afro shampoo.
--the "Got Milk" T-shirt (Breast and Udder version.)
--The Box of Animal cookies.
--The Mermaid-tail latex bodysuit.
--Ring of Dimwittedness.
--The cursed Blackmage Hat.
--The helmet of Foolhardiness.
--The friendly magical fake beard.
--The high-heeled boots of Authority.

231b)-Any homemade prank-item not named in the previous list must be report to your head of house to update said list.

 

[jaredstar]

231. i don't care how hot she is harry, you have to send Azula back, shes nearly burned down the castle twice

 

[Laniac67]

232. Necromancy is a forbidden art for a reason.

 

[SotF]

--The griddle of gender.

That wouldn't even work for a prank, a GIRDLEof Gender could work, but a GRIDDLE?

 

[railhazard]

That wouldn't even work for a prank, a GIRDLEof Gender could work, but a GRIDDLE?

Well, any typoes or spelling error can easily be explained by this :

IT IS MAGIC! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO MAKE SENSE.

Though, can you put beyond an unhinged(/mad) wizard(/scientist) to come up with something like a griddle of gender. Granted, it would be quite difficult to make sense.

Who am i kidding?

Error noted and fixed.

 

[cameron8161]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2836080/1/A_Sa...les_at_Hogwarts


Some of these seem like pretty good rules.



~Cameron

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

When I was a member of Restricted Section.org, I helped compile and write over 160 funny rules for Hogwarts. I contributed many of the rules in the list that follows, but the first original 50 are not mine.

Enjoy:

233. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are "covered in bees".

234. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

235. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not "an extra credit project for Herbology".

236. "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

237. I am not allowed to attempt to breed a liger.

238. I will not go to class skyclad.

239. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

240. I will not use Umbridge's quill to write "I told you I was hardcore".

241. I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful".

242. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. "Polishing my wand" in the common room is not.

243. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

244. House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

245. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.

246. I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today's project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.

247. Adding the name "Bueller" to Professor Binns' roster is not funny.

248. "Springtime for Voldemort" is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play.

249. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms".

250. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as "bookends".

251. I will not refer to the Patil twins as "bookends".

252. The Slytherin prefect is named Draco Malfoy, not "Rocky Horror."

253. It is exceptionally tasteless to tell Professor Lupin that "Once you go Black, you never go back."

254. I will not call Lucius Malfoy "Jareth".

255. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.

256. I am not to refer to the Potions classroom as "Kitchen Stadium".

257. I will not tell Ron and Hermione to "Get a room" whenever they start to fight.

258. The Forbidden Forest is forbidden for a reason.

259. I am not a tribble Animagus.

260. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.

261. I do not weigh the same as a duck.

262. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.

263. Sirius Black is not #24601.

264. I will not lick Trevor.

265. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.

266. I am not being repressed.

267. Calling Lucius Malfoy "Luscious Mouthful" is just plain gross.

268. I will not change the password to the prefects' bath to "Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty".

269. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.

270. I am not a Pinball Wizard.

271. Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.

272. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.

273. I will not offer to pose nude for Dean Thomas.

274. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.

275. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously.

276. Sir Cadogan is not one of the knights who say "NI".

277. I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl.

278. I will stop asking when we will learn to make "Love Potion Number Nine".

279. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.

280. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with "What's new, pussycat?"

281. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder.

282. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

283. I will not stand in front of the bathroom door proclaiming: "None shall pass."

284. I will not refer to the house elves as 'Jar-Jar.'

285. Adding the suffix 'amus' does not create a spell. I will not test this theory of spell invention with words like 'wedgie' or 'naked.'

286. Rincewind would NOT make an acceptable DADA professor. His propensity toward survival nonwithstanding, running away does not appear in the NEWTs.

287. I will not mention rule number 34 to a Slytherin.

288. I will stop charming Professor Snape's robes to bright purple (or any bright color for that matter).

289. I will not enchant all of the school stationery so that it spells "Snogwarts School of Sexcraft and Floggery".

290. I will not send shampoo to Snape's office, no matter how badly he needs it.

291. Asking Filch if Umbridge was good in bed is a VERY bad idea.

292. I will not take Hedwig as my date to the Yule Ball.

293. Naughty jokes regarding "Moaning" Myrtle are only funny the first time.

294. Singing "Slytherins are Sexier" in Potion's class will not get me extra points.

295. Giving Luna Lovegood manga is just begging for trouble. Especially Naruto.

296. I will not send steamy singing valentines to Snape, no matter how much I'd like to see him have an aneurysm.

297. I will not mock the Snape fangirls.

298. I will not, repeat, NOT hit on Ginny Weasley. In fact, I vow to make her life miserable.

299. I will, repeat, WILL hit on Moaning Myrtle-Just to see her reaction.

300. I will not break out into show tunes in History of Magic.

301. Snape is not the Wicked Witch of the West. Nor can he be melted by water.

302. Even though they are easier to use and more effective, I will not use guns against the Deatheaters.

303. Shooting spitballs at the back of Ron Weasley's head is not acceptable behavior. No matter how fun it might be.

304. I will not scrawl "Kilroy was Here!" on the bathroom wall.

305. Screaming "VOLDEMORT!" in crowded hallways is not in good taste.

306. I will not use paint-ball guns in DADA class.

307. Stealing Draco's underwear and selling it on Ebay to horny fangirls is not ethical, nor profitable (note to self: Steal Potter's underwear instead).

308. A Bellatrix Lestrange blow-up doll is not an acceptable birthday present.

309. I will not refer to Ron Weasley as "that red-headed twit" in polite company (impolite company is just fine).

310. Star Trek references will just fly over everyone's head anyway.

311. Asking Hermione if she's bushy "everywhere" is a one-way ticket to the medical wing.

312. Arranging for Tonks to show up naked in Harry Potter's bed is not an appropriate Christmas present.

313. I will not call myself "The Dread Pirate Roberts" in class.

314. Hula hoops are not allowed in the Great Hall.

315. "East side is the best side, yo!" is not the correct answer to any question.

316. I will not put "happy pills" in the Slytherin's pumpkin juice.

317. I will not set Professor Umbridge's cardigan on fire. I will not set Professor Umbridge's cardigan on fire. I will not set Professor Umbridge's cardigan on fire...

318. If I fail to follow rule 317, I will not try to put Professor Umbridge out by blasting her into the lake.

319. I will not make "Are you Sirius?" jokes.

320. I will not pimp Harry Potter.

321. The "I Hate Snape" Club is not a valid after-class activity.

322. When I play Quidditch, I will not tie a sign saying "Eat at Joe's" to the end of my broom.

323. Making Harry Potter action figures without his permission is wrong. Making Draco Malfoy pay double for them is also wrong.

324. "Weasley is our King" is not a catchy as I think it is.

325. I will not tell Grawp that "Hermy" will give him a kiss if he eats certain members of the faculty.

326. Mail order dinosaurs are NOT good birthday presents for Hagrid. No matter how much of a discount Ingen gives you on them.

327. I will not give Dobby Pop Tarts. Ever again.

328. "Expecto Boomstick, bitches!" is not a real spell.

329. "Potter 6, Voldemort 0", is not a valid T-shirt slogan.

330. "I Cook With Snape" is also not a valid T-shirt slogan.

331. Mary Sues are not for target practice.

332. Writing sexy love letters to Professor Dumbledore, signed by "Your Kitten", is not a ethical means to skip Transfiguration class (though it is effective).

333. "Quidditch Players Do It in the Air" broom stickers are not allowed.

334. An F/A-22 Raptor jet fighter is NOT allowed in Quidditch matches. And no, you can't stick straw to it's tail and call it a broom.

335. Severus Snape is not a "sexy bitch".

336. I will not goose step in Professor Umbridge's class.

337. I will not address the Professor with a loud "Heil Fudge!" and accompanying salute.

338. I will not yell "Invasion of the Snake People!" when the Slytherins come down to breakfast.

339. Sending Remus Lupin a naked Hermione Granger and whipped cream is not an acceptable birthday gift.

340. Ron Weasley is not a crash dummy.

341. Having Colin and Dennis Creevy follow Harry Potter all day is cruel and unusual punishment.

342. Having Professor Trelawny follow Snape all day is just deserts.

343. Pansy Parkinson does not have antlers.

344. I will not light candles near Professor Snape's head.

345. Cauldrons are not to be used as musical instruments.

346. I will not sell pennies as priceless, Muggle collector coins.

347. Tollbooths are not allowed in the hallways.

348. Flobberworms are not toys.

349. Madam Hooch is not the Hawk Queen of the Skies (though she appreciates the sentiment).

350. I will not blame flying monkeys for trashing Snape's office.

351. Wedgies are just as looked down upon in the wizarding world as they are in the Muggle world.

352. Floss is not "Muggle silk".

353. I will not paint "All Hail Ferret Man!" on the Slytherin table.

354. Porn is not an acceptable submission to Gryffindor Movie Night.

355. Sombreros are not allowed at Quidditch matches.

356. Shaving Mrs. Norris is not a public service.

357. I will not filch Filch.

358. I will not sneak black dogs into Professor Trelawney's classroom.

359. I will not spread rumors about Draco's deviant sexuality.

360. Sock puppets are not allowed in class.

361. "Playwizard" is not a real magazine.

362. Snape is not "Captain Underpants".

 

[JiigarGhen]

That wouldn't even work for a prank, a GIRDLEof Gender could work, but a GRIDDLE?

Well, any typoes or spelling error can easily be explained by this :

IT IS MAGIC! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO MAKE SENSE.

Though, can you put beyond an unhinged(/mad) wizard(/scientist) to come up with something like a griddle of gender. Granted, it would be quite difficult to make sense.

Who am i kidding?

Error noted and fixed.

You have obviously never heard of the Frying Pan of Doom?.

Also, AJT, who exactly made up most of those rules? Since a lot of them seem to be referring to either an extremely perverted, OC girl or a normal, albeit odd, member of TFF SId into HP fics...

 

[drakensis]

363. Exalted is a game, not real life. Shouting "Heavenly Guardian Defense" will not stop the Killing Curse.
a. Dungeons and Dragons is a game, not real life. "Fireball" and "Lightning" are not spells that any wizard worth his salt can cast.
b. TORG is a game, not real life. Professor Snape is not hiding a Darkness Device in the dungeons.
c. Weapons of the Gods is a comic, not real life. The Sword of Griffindor is not a Class III Weapon of the Gods and I cannot go on a quest to find Tiger Soul.
d. Telling Hermione that because these 'facts' are in books they must be true is cruel and unfair.

 

[Eewec]

364. No matter how much you may wish it, 'Pokegirls' is fiction.
364a. No, Hermione did not 'Threshold' in her second year and subsequently get reverted.
364b. No, you are NOT allowed to invent pokeballs and start messing with female DNA... no matter how many of the male population may appreciate the idea....

Oh how I wish someone would write an AU Harry Potter X PokeGirls story...

 

[SotF]

365. Black Materia does not exist
b. Harry, no matter how much you want rid of Voldemort, destroying the planet is overkill
c. Using it on annoying stalker/fan girls is still overkill.

 

[Reikson]

365. Black Materia does not exist
b. Harry, no matter how much you want rid of Voldemort, destroying the planet is overkill
c. Using it on annoying stalker/fan girls is still overkill.

366. Rebuttal of Rule #365; THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS OVERKILL, SIMPLY 'OPEN FIRE' AND 'I NEED TO RELOAD.'

367. Mr. Potter, one more incident of you writing a rebuttal to a rule will result in Gryffindor losing two hundred points.

Oi, that was Dean, not me!

 

[Kerrus]

368- While the Wish spell technically is possible, all knowledge relating to it is forbidden on pain of death, after the Great Saurian Wizard, Grimlock attempted to wish for 25,000 Galleons worth of quarterstaves.