Love Hina - A private engagement

Antimatter

Well-Known Member
Really depends on her finances, really. I imagine the dorm is cheaper then an apartment, and while she's in school that's a concern. Kitsune, in canon, never went to school, and was seemingly working full time at the tea house anyways, so there was nothing really keeping her there, though she still hung around.

Mutsumi, of course, never lives there.

Naru is flighty, but unlike canon where they had a will they won't they relationship for years, here she only really crushed on him for less then a year, with no major relationship advancements since he started dating motoko. So she's less attached, though still bummed out. She'll still be distant though, possibly throwing herself into school and her tutoring job till things all blow over.

Kanako's renovations could include the annex this time around, leaving Keitaro and motoko to move into it once she gets into school herself, which won't be till after the american trip. Granted in a canon she fails th etest the first time around, leaving her a ronin. Granted, Kanako is going to show up much earlier here then in canon.

Naru shoudl actually be quite interesting to write from here, as we get to develop her away from just being the slow march to being Keitaro's girlfriend/fiance. She's going to come to terms, get over him, and actually grow as a character independent of that relationship.

And compared to Kanako, she's taking this great. Kanako is going to be a lot of hellfire and brimstone at first, even more then canon. Hell have no fury like a brocon ninjagirl master of disguise scorned.
 

chronodekar

Obsessively signs his posts
Staff member
HotelKatz said:
Chronodekar, if we did do the 'Naru and Kitsune moves out and a scene of applicants', which would be better? Characters from other series or O.C.s?
Either would work. Just keep the appearances random and sprinkle humor.

Writing warning: it's easy to let this side-show spiral into its own subplot. Unless you are into that, watch out! :)

Developing a mature Naru - I think, it would worth reading.

-chronodekar
 

Antimatter

Well-Known Member
Naru maturing outside a relationship with him is honestly something we just don't see that often. Usually they just ignore her, or resort to character bashing of her. Always thought it was interesting that in canon, the only character to really experience real growth was Motoko. Mutsumi get all but written out, Kitsune has pretty much nothing save for getting a steady job, Shinobu and Su get a bit but are mostly the same at the end as the start, and Kanako shows up too late to do anything. The only other character with any sort of major change was Haruka, and well, she was a side character at best most of the time.
 

HotelKatz

Well-Known Member
Wrote this on a whim, based on a conversation with antimatter long ago.

To those that are worried, it's just Tsuruko dabbling in cosplay.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ectvIWp89B51pII7S0XWcp6fI3Sm8TwMUmaef9noj9U/edit?usp=sharing
 

chronodekar

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Staff member
HotelKatz said:
Wrote this on a whim, based on a conversation with antimatter long ago.

To those that are worried, it's just Tsuruko dabbling in cosplay.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ectvIWp89B51pII7S0XWcp6fI3Sm8TwMUmaef9noj9U/edit?usp=sharing
I enjoyed it! :D

-chronodekar
 

HotelKatz

Well-Known Member
Thanks!

One thing I thought about adding to it was Motoko getting some jealous thoughts about how Tsuruko looked.

Another thing I decided to not write was after Motoko leaves, Kitsune checks the closet and discovers a tied-up Keitaro. Couldn't decide what kind of smartass remark she would have made. Unwrapping christmas presents early? Muttering that you place maintenance tools in the closet near the hot springs?
 

chronodekar

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Staff member
For the sheer LULZ of pointlessness have Kitsune discover a tied-up Keitaro, invites Tsuruko to the room, locks them BOTH in the closet and have Motoko come by to discover Keitaro not just partially undressed, but Tsuruko making a lame comment about 'too dark to remove just the ropes' and ...

..

I'll shut up before this becomes 18+.

-chronodekar
 

HotelKatz

Well-Known Member
chronodekar said:
For the sheer LULZ of pointlessness have Kitsune discover a tied-up Keitaro, invites Tsuruko to the room, locks them BOTH in the closet and have Motoko come by to discover Keitaro not just partially undressed, but Tsuruko making a lame comment about 'too dark to remove just the ropes' and ...

..

I'll shut up before this becomes 18+.

-chronodekar
Heh, considering Tsuruko would be wearing a Doronjo costume, Motoko might be in jealous anger for quite some time.

I also wonder if Kitsune would have done it because she is a 'Doronjo must be blonde!' fangirl.
 

HotelKatz

Well-Known Member
Here is chapter 11, ready for comments, suggestions, and corrections.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1No0ixXA2w5Qmnqe7vZl5W84Aap6pSniTc83bohgaUm0/edit?usp=sharing
 

HotelKatz

Well-Known Member
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11238736/11/Love-Hina-A-Private-Engagement

Chapter 11 is up.

Sorry I haven't been as active as I should.

Just some stuff from RL. I'd vent, but this is not the place for it.
 

HotelKatz

Well-Known Member
This chapter will be put up on FFN next week, unless something happens. The names of the two characters at the end are placeholders and are very loosely based on two side characters from Nagasarete Airantou, Nagamasa and Chizuru. I think I should probably make it more blatant, but I'd rather hear your guys' thoughts.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1I5oVIdrFzGBCBfNPM_zYDYQPqkNC3O8fn7PuzqfFIJs/edit?usp=sharing
 

HotelKatz

Well-Known Member
Chapter 13.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1uSubpJ0ryYObkI0Q9cqlI8Ubj42yxI_zpIQPOI6utXQ/edit?usp=sharing
 

Antimatter

Well-Known Member
Not sure how we missed the spelling errors the reviews noted. Can you correct those and repost?

Starting to line out what the next chapter will be like. Should be fun though.
 

HotelKatz

Well-Known Member
Antimatter said:
Not sure how we missed the spelling errors the reviews noted. Can you correct those and repost?

Starting to line out what the next chapter will be like. Should be fun though.
I did the day after those reviews were posted.
 

Antimatter

Well-Known Member
Cool cool, You are always so on the ball. I actually forget about the reviews existence most of the time, and only check like, one or twice a year.
 

HotelKatz

Well-Known Member
Here is chapter 15. Let me know if I need to correct anything, improve anything, or anything else you guys can think of.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gB1yIcWkAN2pjfRoCAIj8lFqdNSIfU2A9rm0zFF8Fzk/edit?usp=sharing

EDIT _ This is chapter 14. I had a brainfart when posting.
 

HotelKatz

Well-Known Member
This is the real chapter 15. Apparently, I had a brainfart when counting chapters.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1j9hqiQd3A-yDCRG1BFIYQ6LX6qC8YRD_YT7L73nOFss/edit?usp=sharing
 

HotelKatz

Well-Known Member
Chapter 16. I'm sorry for it being late.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1dlg314F7j8M2MLojmJeNme58AzPlZHna1zAq1wKMRng/edit?usp=sharing
 

HotelKatz

Well-Known Member
The first chapter 15 is chapter 14. I had a brainfart when I was first posting the chapters, never bothered to correct it, and will be correcting it after I post this.
 
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